Date: Sat, 2 Nov 2002 11:19:25 +0800
From: "r(y)@n" <yr_ry_@hotmail.com>
Subject: What I See-20

*Disclaimer*

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read
on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please
don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate
relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and
contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not
true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American
singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is
fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is
similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's
really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I
and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay
(but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of
speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know
NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's
true... hehehehe...

*First Words*

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty
Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas
for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was
born *giggle*. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but
Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But
I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love
feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at
yr_ry_@hotmail.com


What I See Chapter 20

Agatha and I continued to talk as our trip to California went on. It would
have been a very boring ride but Agatha made it very good for me. She
continued to tell me stories about her first, second and last husband and I
can't help not to smile, laugh or frown with her stories. I can picture
myself in her age telling my own stories to others. I just hope that it's
just about Josh and not a second, third or so on.

"Please fasten your seatbelts as we begin our descent to San Francisco,
California." The voice of the perky flight stewardess voiced out. That
interrupted my own story about my two siblings.

"Time flies so fast." Agatha noted as a frown formed on her face.

"I know." I told her with a smile. "I think it's the one of the best days
that I had after my fight with Josh and that's thanks to you." I said to
her.

"Sweetie, I didn't do anything. I just don't wanna be trapped in this
flying bird that can crash any minute with nothing to do." She
laughed. "And I think that you really need it. Kyle, brighten up coz you
look much cuter with a real smile." She said that made me blush. I'm not
that good with compliments.

The landing was a little less turbulent than usual and thank God we're
still alive when we stopped to a halt. I guess I'm still a little nervous
with flying. I mean, if it crashes, you automatically die. And that gives
me the creeps. "I guess this is it." I told Agatha who just smiled at me.

She touched my hand. "Kyle, love is the most wonderful thing in the
world. Treasure it." She told me. She stood up and walked ahead leaving me
at the seat. I filed out of the seat as well and followed suit still
thinking about JC and my relationship with him, or the lack of it at the
moment. One way or another, we will be together again.

I walked to the baggage area to claim my bags and finally get the hell out
of the place. This place is just filled with people that makes me
claustrophobic.

Will Ken fetch me? I hope he does because I have no idea where his house
is. I know his address but I haven't been to his house ever. With my bag
slung at my shoulder I walked to the waiting area for Ken.

Well, I didn't wait for a long time or to look for someone because I saw a
big poster saying, 'Kylie -- not Minogue -- I'm here!' Ken is the only one
who would do such thing and that made me smile. It's like the good old
days. Geez, I feel so old. I walked to the direction of the poster. With a
few jostling with the other waiting persons I was face to face with
Ken. His straight blonde hair was a little bit longer which is styled the
same way as Brad Pitt. And he's in pretty good condition.

"Oh my God!" Ken exclaimed as our eyes met. "You look like shit!" He
embraced me. That's Ken! He's really known for his bluntness and
tactlessness. He doesn't really think about what he says so whatever he
felt saying, he'll say it with no inhibitions. I love and hate him because
of that.

"How are you?" I asked as we broke our hug and inspected him further. He's
still as handsome as before. We tried dating each other before but it
really didn't work because we're so comfortable with each other as brothers
and not as lovers. His blond hair was rugged like the singer of the
Calling, Alex Band (who's cute!). I think he's more buff than the last time
I saw him coz his muscles in his arms are really bulging and his attire was
like something that I'll only think that Josh or Justin will be wearing. He
was wearing a bright yellow tank top and a pair of snakeskin tight pants.

"God damn tired! Do you know that your brother forced me to fetch you here?
He called me on an ungodly hour and disrupted my beauty sleep!" Ken
emphasized his point with a few gestures with his hands. I know, he's a
little campy. Well, it doesn't fit his physique but that's him. "Come on!
The car is just parked out there and I wanna go home!" Ken pulled me as we
passed through the crowd of people. There are a few curses that flew with
Ken bumping and squeezing in the crowd. Ah, it's good to be with Ken once
again.

Well, we got out of the airport unscathed (thank God). "You never change."
I said shaking my head. He just flashed me his million-dollar grin that can
always make a person swoon. It caught me before but I'm immune to it now.

"Why should I?" He said with a raised eyebrow. He opened the door by the
passenger side and I went in. After a few seconds, Ken sat beside me seated
at the driver's seat. "I have so many things to tell you." Ken said with a
big grin plastered on his face. I, on the other hand was readying myself
for this ride, this fast ride.

Ken is known for being not a good driver but he's able. I have no idea how
he escapes the cops because of his driving or not being caught in an
accident. He was speaking non-stop as he narrated to me his latest dates
and I just concentrated on my breathing and my grasp at the seat. The last
time I looked at the speed, it was already 100mph. "Are you listening to
me, Kylie?" He asked me as he stared at me.

"Jesus! Look at the road." I exclaimed as I pointed at the road. He looked
back to the road and he began speaking again. He's so loquacious. Thank
God. He finally came to a screeching stop. I looked at the house that he
parked in. Stunning. Well, Kenny has good taste especially when it comes to
things that he owns. He won't settle with good, it has to be the best or to
that effect.

"Welcome to my fabulous home!" He declared and we stepped out of the
car. "I already prepared the room beside mine so you can just place your
things there. Then, we have to catch up on things! There are just so many
things that I have to tell you." Ken was hyper once again. I think he's one
of the person who doesn't run out of energy. I wonder how long will he last
with the NSYNC guys?

We entered Ken's house and I was awed with what I saw. It was like entering
a new world. The interior design was spectacular with the furniture look
extravagant. It has Ken's touch in it. "Kenny, your house is amazing." I
complimented him.

"Thanks but I'm not really feeling it anymore. I think I'll change this and
that in a few weeks time." He said nonchalantly as he pointed at some
pieces of furniture. Well, that's another thing with Ken's personality. He
has little attention span on things. I think this setup in his house was a
month old already. So that means, it has expired already and he's satiated
with it and needs a new one. Another reason, why he only has countless of
dates and no committed relationships.

He gave me the tour of his house and I complimented him in every room that
we entered. In my mind, I was taking notes so that I can improve my house
as well. We ended in the guest room. "And this will be your lil home for
your stay." Ken declared as he spun around the room.

"I just can't thank you enough." I said somberly trying to stifle my
laughter.

"Hush hush! Kylie, we're the bestest friends in the world and it pains me
that I couldn't take away the sadness away. I mean, you are like a brother
to me and I want to lift this burden off of you but I can't. This is all
that I can do. Offer you my house, which is like yours already and be with
you." Ken held my hand as he talked to me seriously. It's seldom that one
sees a serious side of Ken because he's always hyper and cheerful. So, when
this comes out, treat it seriously.

I pulled him to a tight embrace. It's been so long since someone has
embraced me who's outside of my immediate family. The last person was
JC. "I love you." I whispered to his ear.

"And I love you too." Ken replied. We broke the embrace and looked at each
other. There was a tear that streaked Ken's flawless face. I wiped it off
and smiled. "Come on, let's do something fun." Ken pulled me off the bed
where I was seating. "Maybe later we can go on cruising for some guys!
There's this new bar that opened and I've been hearing good words about
it."

"Kenny, I don't wanna cruise for guys." I told him.

"Kylie, forget about this Josh guy for a minute. It's his loss and not
yours. There are lots of guys out there who would give anything just to be
with you. I mean you're really one hot guy!" Ken noted.

"But I love him." I said softly.

"Does he love you?" Ken asked. I remained silent because I don't know the
answer. "You're not even sure now. If he loves you, he would have flown to
your house and talked this out and then have wild monkey sex." Ken
said. "And speaking of wild monkey sex, I met this guy 3 nights ago who's
just so hung! I think it's biggest dick I've ever seen in my whole queer
life." I just rolled my eyes.

I looked at my watch and it read 4:00pm. It was later than I
expected. "Kenny, can I use the phone? I have to call Paul to tell him that
I'm still alive." I said.

"The phone is by the couch." Ken said as he dragged me down the flight of
stairs. "I'll see what I can do for snacks." Ken left me by the phone as he
walked to the kitchen. I dialed my home number at the house and waited for
someone to answer.

"Hello." Paul answered.

"It's Kyle here." I said.

"I assume that you're there already in Ken's house." Paul said.

"Yeah." I answered. "So anything going on there that I should know?" I
asked.

"Nothing here but if something comes up, I'll call you there." Paul told
me. "I'm gonna hung up now. I was sleeping." Paul said and the next thing I
heard was the dial tone of the phone. I placed the handset back to its
cradle and walked to the kitchen and see what Ken was doing.

"What do you want?" He asked once I entered the kitchen.

"Anything." I answered.

"I have bread and peanut butter. Is that okay?" Ken asked. I nodded. "So
tell me about this thing with Josh." Ken asked as he prepared the
sandwiches.

"I thought Paul told you?" I queried.

"Sure he did but I wanna hear it from your mouth. You know your brother,
sometimes he exaggerates stuff." Ken told me that was so true. Paul
exaggerates sometimes especially when he wants to make a point or
something. I sighed. I thought that I won't try to recall everything again
but I'm gonna spill it all once more. So, I did. I told Ken everything that
went on with my relationship with JC. Ken is my best friend and I trust him
like a brother. So, I told him who JC really was. "He's an asshole!" Ken
said once I finished. My face was stained with tears after my story. I
guess it still has an effect with me. I still love him.

"Yeah, I love that asshole." I said as I placed my head on his chest as he
caressed my head.

"Did you call him already?" Ken asked me.

"Why should I call him first?" I said looking at him. I caught him rolling
his eyes. "Kenny, I wasn't at fault here. He was. And the last news I heard
about him, he was partying."

"Kylie, you're still the same old stubborn fairy I remember." Ken said to
me with a hint of playfulness but I know what he meant. "When you love
someone, you swallow your pride. Maybe not your principles but you can live
without pride. Sure, he's at fault here but does that mean that you can't
call him first. Maybe he's scared to call you or something." Ken tried to
reason out. I think he's the first one that actually made sense to me.

"You think?" I said hesitantly.

"I know. You're talking to Dr. Love here, hun." Ken told me. He grabbed the
wireless phone on the counter and handed it to me. "Call him or I
will. He's a great hot guy and I would surely want him to be my bedmate
anytime."

I took the phone from his hands and looked at it. The numbers to Josh's
phone seem to shine from the keypad taunting me to push them. Should I or
shouldn't I? I eventually pressed all the numbers that comprised Josh's
mobile phone number and placed the phone by my ear hearing it ring.

It rang once.

Twice.

Thrice. And I heard a click. "Hello." I heard JC's voice answer and I
practically froze. God, I miss that voice.

"Josh?" I voiced weakly. Silence answered me. That's the time I began to
panic a little bit. Josh wasn't reacting. "Josh, it's me Kyle." I said.

"I know." Josh answered me. I can't read his voice. I don't know if it was
coldness or pain that I heard in that smooth voice. Ken was holding my hand
and when I was beginning to lose heart, he squeezed it and offered me a
smile mouthing, 'you can do it.'


"How are you?" I asked uncomfortably.

"Fine, I guess." JC replied. Why do I get the feeling that I'm unwanted at
the moment? Maybe that is what he's feeling. Maybe he has moved on and I'm
just the person stuck at the moment thinking that we're still madly in love
with each other.

"That's nice to hear. I guess you're busy or something. Goodbye." I said
hastily and ended the call immediately. I looked at Ken whose smile
disappeared. The tears began to flow again and now it flowed out
generously. This wasn't the conversation I expected. I dreamt that when we
talk, we will fix this mess and we will live happily ever after. "He
doesn't want me anymore." I cried. And that's my greatest fear.

I have no idea whatever happened to me after my episode. It seems lately
that when I talk with JC, I end up not knowing anything going on with me
afterwards.

I have no idea that it hurts this much. I think I can endure any physical
pain that can be given to me but this one, I can't. So, this is what they
called being heartbroken. I really don't want this feeling anymore. And the
sad part is that I don't know how to make it go away.

I just stared at the ceiling of the guestroom. It was light blue. The same
color that utterly reminds me of JC and his light blue eyes especially in
the I Drive Myself Crazy video. When I see that video, I think I can just
be lost just staring at his eyes. That's why my desktop wallpaper is that.

"Kylie?" Ken called as he slowly opened the closed door. I didn't budge. I
just kept staring at the light blue ceiling. I could hear Ken's footsteps
approach me but I don't know what to do. It's like I don't want to exist. I
just want to disappear from the face of the planet and not be known
again. The bed moved to where Ken sat. He caressed my head.

Touch. That seems so foreign to me. Skin touching skin. JC was always an
affectionate person especially with me. We always end up touching each
other and that's the most intimate times. We just lay down on the bed
spooning each other just feeling each other's skin radiating heat --
love. "Are you alright?" Ken's voice broke my reverie. I don't want to
answer but my eyes did as a lone tear escaped my right eye and cascaded
down my cheeks. "Oh Kyle." Ken's voice was filled with sadness and
pity. And that broke my heart more.


--------------------
End of Chapter

Chapter 20 already!

The nominations for the BBSA are now up! Please nominate your favorite
authors and stories because the BBSA gives great opportunity for some
authors to shine! :-) It's the perfect way of saying that "I read your
story and it rocks!" So do nominate! LAST DAY is on OCT 15!

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly
appreciate it very much. It's really nice to know if there are people who
are actually reading what I write. A big big shout out to Danny and Chris!

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those
feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line
okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on,
hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry
Yahoo! : yr_ry
MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com
ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is:
yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They
are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, Bernie, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive,
Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have
helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your
relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the
Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics
in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that
influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.
 + Jamie's Romance (Justin)
 + Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)
 + Josh and Just (JC/Justin)
 + Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)
 + My New Life (Lance)
 + Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)
 + My Surprise Romance (Lance)
 + Life with Justin (Justin)
 + JC's Hitchhiker (JC)
 + Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)
 + Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)
 + Lance's Search (Lance/JC)
 + Like the Rain (Justin)
 + JC Dreams (JC)
 + My Soulmate JC (JC)
 + Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)
 + Chance Meeting (Justin)
 + Needing You (Lance/Eminem)
 + Thieves (Lance)
 + Blind Revolution (Justin)

Backstreet Stories.
 + Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)
 + Double Take (Brian/Nick)
 + Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)
 + Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)
 + French Kiss Me (Brian)
 + Millennium Love (Brian)
 + Forever (Kevin)
 + Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)
 + Insecurities (Nick)
 + On the Streets (Kevin)
 + Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.
 + Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)
 + The One (Brian/Justin)
 + Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com