Date: Tue, 7 Dec 1999 21:47:32 +0700 From: Tonny <aspire34@go.com> Subject: When U Say Nothing At All-Final Quick Note: Well some of you, maybe, surprised to see that I ended this story. Well I don't know what to say but it should be ended. I love this story very much, lots things happening while I was writing this story. I'm glad that some people appreciated my works [that mean a lot to me]. Since this is the end, then I decided to make it special. I wrote this final part, but I have 3 great authors to help me to give 'finishing touch' for my story. So this final chapter is a collaboration of 4 authors. 4 heads are better than 1. Thanks to Yuli [author of 'Busta'], she did the first 'chain', then to James [author of 'Simply Words'], he did a fantastic job. Last but not least, Gene [author of 'sing4wrighter' and 'all grown up'], you did a lot of works man :) Thank You. THANK YOU GUYS! O yeah I have a big surprise for you all at the end of this story. So for now enjoy :) Disclaimer This story is involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By continuing, you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of any celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely. The author takes no responsibility for anyone's actions based upon this work of fiction. ******************************************************************************* WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL ******************************************************************************* Previously on 'When you say nothing at all': "No! No one is better than you. You're the one for me. I love you, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I let you go. I love you, please, I need you," he said to me sternly. "Please not me, I..." I said but stopped as Kevin kissed me on the lips. I pushed him away from me, and he fell backward. "I'm sorry," I cried as I ran across the street. Nick, Howie, and AJ just stood there, while Kevin tried to catch me again. As Kevin crossed the street, a car came speeding towards him, but he didn't see it. "KEVIN! WATCH OUT!" Nick screamed. But Nick's warning was too late. The car hit Kevin really hard. I could hear Kevin scream as the car hit him. I turned around and saw Kevin on the ground, full of blood. I ran back to him. "No! NO! Kevin! Kevin! Please wake up! I'm sorry," I cried harder as I picked him up and put my arms around his body. I pulled him closer to me, "Kev, please answer me, pleeease!" CHAPTER 21 (FINAL): HERE'S WHERE THE JOURNEY ENDS "Oh no! How is he?" Howie asked panicking as Nick and AJ stood around us. "Call 911, quick!" ordered AJ as he kneeled down and pressed his hand against the bleeding from the side of Kevin's head. Nick quickly pulled out his mobile phone and dialed the number. "Kevin! Please talk to me, I love you, please say something," I said hysterically. "Tonnn...please don't go...I need you," Kevin whispered so softly in pain. "I won't, I promise," I cried as I kept waiting for the ambulance and held Kevin in my arms at the same time. 'Hurry,' I begged, as tears streamed from my eyes. I looked to see Kevin about to drift off to sleep and began to panic. "Kevin, KEVIN! Don't sleep... Kevin please." "Ton?...Tony...Tony, I love you. I really do." He said half-asleep, half-awake. "Hey can I help?" a voice asked. I look up to see Ryan looking down at me. "Shit!" He took off his sweater and kneeled on Kevin's other side. "Here wrap his head in this. Tony put pressure on this side. That's it...not too hard. We don't know if he fractured his skull. Has anyone called the doctor yet?" I nodded, "Ok, now we wait." "Kevin? Kevin talk to me!" I cried out hysterically, afraid that I would lose this one person that had loved me unconditionally. "Tony...Tony I'm so sorry." he said softly. "Hush, Kevin. Not now. Not that. Not now...just get well." I said as I held his head. 'Hurry,' my brain continued to cry out for the ambulance. And at last my prayers were answered as I heard the distant sound of the ambulance. ##### PRINCETON HOSPITAL ##### Kevin was in the operating room, while the guys and I were waiting outside. I put my hands on my face, trying to hide the fact that I was crying. If something happened to Kevin, it would be my fault. The guys tried to assure me that it wasn't my fault. Howie sat on my right, AJ was on my left, and Nick knelt down in front of me. Ryan had left, but not before giving me his phone number and reminding me to call him to inform him of Kevin's condition. "Ton, it's not your fault," Nick said to me. "Yeah, stop blaming yourself. It was an accident," Howie said as he rubbed my back to calm me down. I pulled my hands away from my face and looked at them. They looked at me with kindness and sympathy that I didn't feel I deserved. "But if something happens to him, it would be my fault," I sobbed my heart out. 'Why do I always screw up? Why? Why can't it be me on the street? Why?' "Oh come on, Ton. Kevin is much stronger than you think. Trust me, he will be fine," AJ replied, and I just kept silent. Nick noticed my dirty clothes, bloodstained from Kevin. "Come on, you need to change your clothes. You don't want Kevin to see you like that, right?" Nick said to me. "Someone stole my bag and money. I don't have spare clothes to change," I replied. For a brief moment, the guys looked at me angrily then sadly, making me realize that they were angered by the fact that someone stole my stuff, and I smiled at their protective nature. "Don't worry, come with me, I'll buy you some new clothes," AJ stood up from his seat. "No," I objected softly, "I just want to wait here," I said as I stared intently at the entrance to the emergency room. Waiting for God to give me the chance to see Kevin again. "Tony, look at you! You need to rest too, come on!" AJ took my hand to help me stand. "I said NO! Kevin wants me to be here," I said stubbornly sitting on the chair and refusing to budge. Finally AJ gave up since it's useless to try to persuade me when I'm being stubborn. "Okay," he raised his hand in a truce, then sat down and said to me nicely, "You just stay here, Nick and I will get some new clothes for you. Do you need anything else?" AJ asked, and I shook my head no. "Howie, you just stay here with Tony, and call me when something happens, ok?" Howie nodded. Then AJ and Nick left the hospital. It'd been two hours already that the doctors and Kevin were in there. I was getting worried and having a bad feeling. "Ton, let's eat, you must be hungry," Howie looked at me. "I'm not hungry, but you can go," I replied. "But..." "Howie! I'm fine, thank you," I said as I wasn't in the mood for arguing. Howie just sighed. "Okay, you just stay here, I'll bring some food for you, okay?" Howie spoke up. "Thanks," I tried to smile to him. Then Howie left to go to the cafeteria. ##### HOSPITAL CAFETERIA ##### Howie walked into the hospital cafeteria and started to look over what was available to eat. He didn't really feel hungry, but he thought Tony should have something, and he just wanted to feel like he was helping somehow. After choosing a couple of sandwiches and picking up two cans of Coke, Howie paid for them and was about to leave when he saw Nick waving to him from across the room. He walked over to join Nick and AJ. "What are you doing here?" AJ asked. "I thought you were going to stay with Tony." "I was feeling restless. Nothing is happening up there. Still no change. I tried to get Tony to come and get something to eat, and he wouldn't. So I came down to get him a sandwich. What about you guys?" "We got Tony some clothes at a store right down the street. We stopped in here to get something before heading back up. Guess we just weren't ready to face everything again." It was Nick who answered, as AJ just pushed his food around on his plate. "Doesn't look like you guys ate much. Nice food sculpture there, AJ." Howie tried to lighten the tension with some humor. "You do think Kevin will be okay, right?" AJ asked Howie, his eyes looking very concerned. "Of course he will be! Like you said, Kevin is really strong." "What about him and Tony? What do you think will happen there?" Nick was now questioning Howie. "I don't know. I think Kevin really loves him, but he really messed up that night and again yesterday. I don't know if Tony will forgive him or not." "And there's still Justin . . . " AJ pointed out. "Yeah," the other two agreed. "He doesn't deserve Tony's love," Nick said. "Yeah, but when does love ever make sense?" asked AJ, showing his wisdom. "I just wish Tony wasn't so hard on himself. I mean, he blames himself for Kevin getting hurt even. It wasn't his fault. Poor guy. Nothing goes right for him. I can't believe he lost his bag!" Nick felt like crying for his friend. "Well, things have to change for the better. Kevin has to get well. Tony will stay with us and get back on his feet. It will all be better soon." Howie said these things to cheer up his friends--and himself. He just hoped he was right. "And then there's Brian," AJ mumbled. "Don't even talk about him!" Nick said with anger. "I'm so mad at him. How can he be so mean? To Tony. To Kevin. What's wrong with him?" "I don't know," Howie answered. "I really don't know. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Why's he acting like that?" "He just better not try anything in front of me. I'm about ready to take his head off," AJ threatened. "It won't do any good to beat him up. He just has to be convinced that Tony's a good guy," Howie said. "I just wish I knew how to do that." "Beating him up doesn't sounnd like a bad idea to me," AJ answered. "But I'll back off for now." "I better get back up there. I don't like leaving Tony alone, and I hope I can get him to eat something. He has to be hungry." "Okay D, see you up there in a minute," Nick responded. "Yeah, we'll be right behind you," AJ added. Howie left to return to Tony while the other two cleaned up their mess and followed soon after. ##### IN FRONT OF THE OPERATING ROOM ##### While Howie was gone, I was getting more paranoids. I was walking back and forth in front of the operating room. Suddenly a doctor came out. "How is he?" I asked him. "We have to wait! He's still in critical condition and very weak. We did our best already. Now we need to put him into the intensive care unit," he explained. "Please, can I see him, pleeease," I begged. "I'm sorry, but you're not his relative." "Hey! I know you! Tony right?" Another doctor came out from the room. "Dr. Stephen?" I remembered him. "Yeah, how are you?" he asked me, "Let me take this one," he said to his associate. "I'm fine. Please doctor, let me see him. I beg you." "Come on. You can see him," Dr. Stephen said to me politely. His words cheered me up a little. Then he took me to Kevin's room. I saw Kevin lying on the bed with some machine attached to him. "Doc, tell me the truth. How is he?" "We did our best, Ton. If he gets through this critical time, then he will survive." Then Dr. Stephen checked Kevin again. "Ton, I need to check other patients, do you want to stay here?" "Can I, please?" "Sure," Dr. Stephen smiled at me, just before he left the room, he turned around to me, "You know, Ton, he is unconscious now, but you can talk to him." Then he left. I knew what the doctor said to me; I took a chair close to his bed. I sat on the chair, I looked at him; his right leg and hand were in full casts, and he had bandages around his head. "Kev...it's me, Tony," I smiled in tears as I held his left hand, "Please, wake up! I beg you, Kev. I'm sorry...you're a good guy, Kev. You're too good for me." I stopped as I took a deep breath. "You are the only one who treats me so good. I don't have anyone here, Kev. Please wake up, I'm really sorry. I'd never forgive myself if something really bad happened to you." I kissed his hand, but he was still unconscious. I didn't what to say anymore to him, but I decided to sing a song to him, whispering close to his ear. Here I am, broken wings Quiets thoughts, unspoken dreams Here I am, alone again And I need him now To hold my hand He's all, he's all I ever had He's the air I breathe He's all, he's all I ever had It's the way he makes me feel It's the only thing that's real It's the way he understands He's my lover, he's my friend And when I look into he eyes It's the way I feel inside Like the man I want to be He's all I'll ever need So much time So much pain (but) There's one thing That still remains (it's the) The way he cared The love we shared And through it all He's always been there He's all, he's all I ever had In a world so cold, so empty He's all, he's all I ever had It's the way he makes me feel It's the only thing that's real It's the way he understands He's my lover, he's my friend And when I look into his eyes It's the way I feel inside Like the man I want to be He's all I'll ever need Kevin eyes were still closed. I let out more tears. "God, if you can hear me, please just this once, save him. I'll trade my life for him," I prayed for him. Then someone grabbed my shirt and dragged me out of the room. It was Brian. Then he shoved me out really hard, and I fell to the floor. "GET LOST YOU LITTLE SHIT! HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH!" Brian yelled at me. "Please Brian, let me see him; he needs me," I pleaded as I stood up. "No! You've done enough to him! I knew it the first time we met you, you would always bring us bad luck," Brian screamed as he tried to hold his tears, "And you made him get mad at me all the time. I hate you! Now get lost! We don't need you here!" "Brian, please, don't do this to me. Kevin really needs me now," I took a step forward. "I SAID GO! DON'T MAKE ME TO CALL SECURITY!" he threatened. "I'm so sorry Brian. But your cousin loves me," I took another step, then he punched me in my stomach and spitted on me. I fell to the ground for the second time in pain. The pain was different; it hurt so bad I could hardly breathe. Some people were looking in our direction. Then Howie saw me on the floor, he dropped the food he was carrying and ran to help me. "Brian! Stop it! You're hurting him." Howie tried to help me up. "Good! He deserves it after hurting my cousin," Brian snapped back. "Please Brian, let me see him," I begged as I was crawling toward his feet. "Brian! Kevin needs him. Let him in," Howie tried to persuade Brian. "Listen! I'm his cousin so I'm his relative. And this filthy animal is not, and I say he can't see Kevin from now on," Brian looked at me angrily. By then AJ and Nick were back. "What's going on here?" AJ asked, confused seeing me crying on the floor. "Brian won't let Tony see Kevin," Howie replied in anger. "Brian! Let him in!" Nick yelled at Brian trying to push him away. "I SAID NO!" Brian yelled back standing his ground. Then some nurses and Dr. Stephen ran into the room. Something must be happening to Kevin, they were all in a hurry. None of us were allowed in. "If something is happening to Kevin, you're gonna pay for it," Brian warned me. AJ, Howie, and Nick looked at Brian furiously, as they tried to calm me down, and I tried to peek into the room. Brian stood up in front of the door like a guard; he wouldn't let me in. After a couple of minutes, the medical staff came out of the room. "Ton, you come in," Dr. Stephen said to me. "No, he can't doc, I'm Kevin's relative," Brian replied for me. "Well, Kevin asked for him," Dr. Stephen replied coldly to Brian. We were all confused by his statement. "Yeah, he's awake," Dr. Stephen smiled at me. Then Brian barged into the room. AJ, Howie, and Nick dragged me into the room too. I stopped by the door, not daring to go too close to Kevin, as Brian was standing next to the bed. Brian looked at his cousin, but Kevin was looking at me. "I'm glad you're awake, cuz. I was worried about you," Brian said to his cousin as he stood close beside the bed. Kevin kept staring at me. "Get out!" Kevin finally spoke up. "You heard him!" Brian looked at me, "GET OUT! BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!" Brian yelled at me. The guys looked at me sadly as Kevin spoke the words. I turned ready to leave the room. "Not you," Kevin's words stopped me. "You, Brian, GET OUT!" Kevin looked at his cousin. "But...but..." Brian looked at his cousin in disbelief. "Brian, you're the last person I want to see at the moment. OUT!" Kevin said sternly. Brian was so confused by his cousin's reaction to him, but he walked out slowly, giving me hate looks. As he passed me, he deliberately hit my arm with his shoulder. Then he left. "Ton...please don't go," Kevin pleaded. I moved close to him. "I'm so sorry, Kev. I didn't mean to..." I spoke up. "You don't have to say anything, Ton. I'm the one should apologize to you. Please forgive me. I love you, and I need you. Pleeease don't leave me," Kevin took my hand and let out a single tear. "I won't." Inside I wanted to run away from him but seeing him in such a condition made me lie to him and even to myself. "Now you need to get a lot of rest so you can get out of this place," I advised him. "Can you stay? Please?" he asked me. "Of course!" I replied. Then I pulled a chair closer to his bed to sit next to him. As I took a seat, Kevin grabbed my hands quickly. "Please don't go! Promise me!" Kevin held my hands tighter as if he was afraid of losing me again. I just nodded at him. Then Kevin tried to close his eyes slowly as he kept holding my hands. Nick came to me. "I brought you some new clothes," Nick whispered in my ear. I nodded. As I withdrew my hands slowly from Kevin's, Kevin noticed and grabbed both of my hands again, pulling me closer to him. "NO! PLEEEASE DON'T GO!" Kevin screamed hysterically. "Kevin, calm down! I just need to change my clothes, look at this!" I showed him the dirty shirt I was wearing. "So I just want to go into bathroom. You see that room, just a few steps from here?" I pointed to the door only a few meters from his bed. "I won't be long. May I go?" I asked in a child-like manner. "Okay! Don't be long," Kevin let my hands go slowly. The guys shook their heads as they couldn't believe that old reliable and steady Kevin would react like that. "I won't." I stood up and walked to the bathroom. As I went through the door, Kevin screamed again. "DON'T LOCK THE DOOR! PLEEEEASE DON'T LOCK THE DOOR!" Kevin screamed as he still remembered my suicide attempt at his house. "I...I don't want another... I'm afraid." His eyes looked distant and sad as he recalled the scene. It's like he had failed to protect me. "Okay, I'll leave the door slightly open, but you don't want Nick to have a free striptease show, do you?" I joked as I looked at Nick. "HEY! That's a cheap shot, well...it's so tempting, but no thanks," Nick pouted, as all of us laughed but Kevin. Kevin kept staring at the bathroom door as I was still in there, I changed my clothes quickly and returned to my seat next to the bed. Kevin took my hand again and held it tightly. "Now, go back to sleep." I ordered him, and he nodded. I just looked at him, as he went back to sleep holding my hand. I brushed his hair with my right hand to comfort him. Kevin smiled a content smile and held my left hand to his cheek, soon falling asleep. 'Kevin, dear Kevin. What have I done to deserve you?' I asked myself as I watched him sleep. ##### A WEEK LATER ##### For seven days, I took special care of Kevin. He was a little bit paranoid; he couldn't stand to let me away from him for more than five minutes or so. By now, Kevin could walk on his own feet without my help, and I was happy that I was able to bring him back to health again. It was September 1, which meant just eight days until the MTV VMA. The guys had to practice for their performance for VMA. Kevin took me to see their practice session. I didn't know why but Nsync also had their practice session in the same studio. They, BSB and Nsync, seemed to get along now, except when it came to Brian and Justin. The BSB guys tried to give them a hard time for me, but I stopped them from doing it. As they had a break, Kevin came to me. I kept looking at Justin and Brian hugging and kissing. It hurt me badly to watch. I avoided staring at them, but the pain must have really showed on my face. Kevin noticed how I felt. He approached me and asked in earnest concern, "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine," I lied through my teeth, as I handed him a towel to wipe his sweat. "It's them, isn't it?" he shifted his eyes to the duo and back at me. "Them, who?" I asked, feigning ignorance. "Those two jokers, isn't it?" Kevin nodded in Brian and Justin's direction. "Those two idiots over there making fools of themselves." I didn't answer him. I just looked down without saying a word. I shook my head in reply, but the tears just started falling on the floor one by one. "Tony, please don't cry." He hugged me tightly. "You know it hurts me to see you cry." I hugged him back tightly. "Kevin, thanks." "Hey, it's not really that hard!" Brian told Justin in a very loud voice, loud enough for the entire room to hear. "I mean he screws like a pro, hahahaha." "THAT'S IT!!!" Kevin threw the wet towel on the floor and started to approach Brian. "Kevin, no!!! Please!" I grabbed his arm, and tried to stop him. "Please for me, don't make a scene. We have gone through a lot. You and I have gone through enough problems, and I don't want to face any more troubles!" I was sure that the other guys were also angry but I gave them my 'don't do anything stupid' stare. "And to think I thought that he was a virgin!" Brian laughed, hysterically. "A VIRGIN, RIGHT!!! If he was a VIRGIN, then it's snowing in hell right now. HAHAHA!!!" "Kevin, please" I said as I looked into his eyes. Kevin had closed them shut trying to control every bit of emotion inside of him. Bottling every piece of anger and fury in his body. His fists shook and quivered with rage. I hugged him hard and whispered in his ear as I pulled him out of the room. "Kevin, let's get out of here. I don't think we are wanted here." "Good idea..." Kevin agreed and then added loudly, to Brian's direction. "BECAUSE I THINK THE AIR IS QUITE POLLUTED WITH ALL THE HOT AIR COMING FROM THAT DIRECTION." Brian retaliated, "But of course, we all know where the dirt comes from, don't we?" With that, Kevin ran with fury toward Brian and shouted in full rage. "WHAT'S UP WITH YOU MAN? WHY ARE YOU SAYING ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT TONY?" "Because that's what he is, 100% pure and unadulterated shit!" Brian said with a mocking smile. With no more emotional control, Kevin gave Brian one quick and clean, but forceful, punch to the face. The force was so strong that it threw Brian off balance, sending him to the floor as he kissed the tiles. "Kevin!!! NOOOOO!!!" I shouted and grabbed him, trying to pull away from his cousin. "KEVIN, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS CUZ!!!" Brian shouted trying to stand up. "I think I have been paying for it since I was born, cuz." He said quite calmly. "I have you for a relative, and I think that's punishment enough!" I grabbed Kevin and said to him. "You shouldn't have done that!" "I had to. He's been harassing you all morning," he said to me softly, almost whining. "He really deserved it, and you know that he deserved it, don't you?" "Please, Kev, no more violence." I pleaded, as I pulled his hand and put my arm around him. "I think its best we go out for a while, you know until things cool off in this area." We started to walk away, as the crowd stared. As we drew near the front door, Brian shouted, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, CUZ? AREN'T YOU GOING TO FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED?" Kevin turned around, squeezed my hand and said proudly, "I don't have to, Brian. Because unlike you, I have someone who loves me!" "But does he really love you?" Brian challenged him. "Are you truly sure that he loves you?" "Yes, I know he truly does." Kevin calmly replied. "How do you know that you aren't a mere replacement for the real thing?" Brian retorted mockingly. "How do you know that you are not just a stand in for the main star?" "I... I don't understand what you mean." Kevin vaguely answered Brian. "GOD, ARE YOU THAT DUMB!!! YOU STILL DON'T GET IT, DO YOU!!!" Brian was now laughing his butt off. "DON'T YOU GET IT? JUSTIN'S STILL HERE, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!!! HOW SURE ARE YOU THAT TONY ONLY LOVES YOU FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING SOMEONE AT HIS SIDE." Justin looked at Brian in surprise as he heard what Brian said. Kevin's hands was shaking now, quite unsure of Brian's taunting, mocking, and challenges. Slowly he turned to me and asked me, "Tony, please tell me the truth! Do you really love me? Not just as a replacement?" I had dreaded answering that question. I mean did I just fall in love with him because he was the only one who tried to accept me for who I am? Quite unsure of my answer, slowly I started to give him my reply. "I... I... I..." All of a sudden, the ground was shaking very hard. Kevin held me tightly, and the guys and crew started to panic. "EARTHQUAKE!" Nick screamed. "GET OUT OF HERE, NOW!" Kevin shouted as he grabbed my hand, and we all ran out of the building. We still could feel the tremors from outside the building. Everyone rushed out the building like ants. Pandemonium broke lose as everybody came out pushing and shoving. JC shouted, "IS EVERYBODY SAFE?" "Wait! Where's Justin?" Brian looked around. After finding there was no sign of him anywhere, Brian screamed, "JUSTIN! JUSTIN!" I looked at Brian, then started to search around for Justin, but he wasn't here with us. "Oh no, he's inside!" Brian started to panic as he ran back to the building, but stopped as half of the front door collapsed. The others just stood there, doing nothing. I wanted to run back into the building, but Kevin stopped me, blocking my path. "Oh no, you don't!" Kevin held my left hand. "Kev! He's inside, please...I have to save him," I said loudly, but Kevin wouldn't let loose of his grip on me. The guys saw that we were having a major argument again. "NO! NO! You can't go in there. It's too dangerous!" Kevin argued. I looked at him square in the eyes and realized there was no way he was going to let me in the collapsing building. "You're never going to let me go in, are you?" I stared at him with mixed emotions. "No, I'm not," he replied, shaking his head, eyes swelling with tears. With a shaky voice, he told me, "I will never let you out of my sight. I love you too much to lose you again." I pulled his face close to mine, hugged him ever so tightly and kissed him. I kissed him hard, and I kissed him from the depth of my heart, my soul, and my whole being. I told him "I love you very much, Kevin." With a heavy and sad heart, I turned around and drew all my strength. Eyes crying, I balled my right hand into a fist and punched him, and I punched him hard. I gave him an uppercut and hit him across his chest, with all mmy might and all my strength. It brought him down. Like a house of cards in a strong wind. Kevin fell to the ground and lost his grip on me. Taking a deep breath and wiping the warm tears off my face, I knelt down to whisper into Kevin's ear, "I'm sorry Kev... I love you, you know I really do, but he needs me right now. Justin needs me now," I gave him a very long kiss on his dry, cold lips. Then against all sanity and against better and sound judgement, I ran toward the building. 'I have to save him!!!' I told myself. 'I must save Justin, no matter what happens to me, I must save him!!!' As I neared a hole at the side of the building, I stopped and turned around. I saw him. I saw Kevin, trying to stand up. The guys tried to help him but my punch proved to be far stronger than I anticipated. I carefully watched his expression. Even from so far away, I could see his face was filled with fear and his eyes with tears. He stretched his arms toward me, as if trying to grab me and prevent me from going in. I flashed a sad smile and gave him a thumbs-up signal. After that, I went into the darkness. The last thing I heard was Kevin screaming at the top of his lungs. Like the mournful howl of a lone wolf, he shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" ###### INSIDE THE STUDIO ###### "JUSTIN! JUSTIN! WHERE ARE YOU?" I screamed as my eyes scanned the room to find him. I had to watch myself, as the ground was still shaking and a lot of stuff kept falling from above. After a few minutes running around, I heard his voice. "Help! Help!" I traced his voice and found him under a table, hiding from the falling debris. I ran to him quickly. "Justin! Come on!" I saw him shaking badly, and he didn't get out from under the table, so I grabbed him, and all sudden, he hugged me. "I'm so scared! Ton, I'm scared," he cried. "Don't worry, you'll be fine, let's get out here," I said. Before we moved even an inch, the big rack behind us, fell toward us. I managed to hold it, before it hit us. It was so heavy. Justin saw this, and he didn't do anything but close his eyes with an expression of fear and submission. "Justin! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" I ordered him as I hold the rack with my hands. Justin opened his eyes and saw me trying to hold the rack. "NO! I'll help you with that!" Justin held the rack too, but I knew the whole building would collapse in minutes. "Justin, just GO NOW! QUICK! I can hold it another minute," I stared at him, "Please, the whole building will fall down!" "Ton...," he looked at me in confusion and (dare I hope?) care. "NOW!" I yelled at him, "Please just this once, listen to me. GO! I'll be fine, I'll try to move myself bit by bit. GO!" I screamed at him. He slowly took his hands from the rack. Justin turned around in tears and worry, as I tried to hold the heavy rack above me, then he ran, leaving me. 'Please don't do this to me now, God!' I said as I tried to move myself bit by bit, but still holding up the rack. Finally I managed to move myself to the edge of the rack, quickly I let go of it and moved myself in a flash before it could fall on me. Unfortunately, I lost my balance since the ground was still shaking hard. I fell to the floor, my left foot caught under the rack as it hit the ground. I did my best to withdraw my foot, but the wall collapsed falling over the rack, it just added the weight of the rack. Now I couldn't move my left leg at all as everything started to fall apart. I just cried, as I couldn't do anything. The glass from the windows and skylights was breaking in the aftershocks. Glass was falling all over me. I tried to hide from it, but one of piece hit me. One shard of glass cut into my left side. I cried as I lay there alone looking for help, but there was none. I looked at my stomach, and I saw my blood from the glass. 'I give myself on your hands, God.' I don't know what happened next, because I fainted in pain. ##### IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING ##### After twenty minutes or so, the ground stopped shaking. The guys still stared at the building. "Someone's coming out," JC screamed. "Justin!" The guys ran to meet Justin, but the Backstreet Boys gang still looked to the building, waiting for me to show up. Moments passed, but no one followed Justin from the building. "Where is he?" Kevin asked Justin, who was still in tears and shaking. "I don't know, he held a rack from falling on me," Justin replied to Kevin. "He's still in there." Kevin and the guys were panicking, as they heard that I was trapped inside. Kevin ran into the building, but suddenly the whole building collapsed. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kevin stopped and screamed hysterically. "TONY!" Justin screamed as he saw the whole building collapsed. In ten minutes, the rescue teams came to the scene. After getting the information from the guys about me still being trapped inside, the search teams started their work. A half an hour later, they found me; one of the men carried me to the ambulance. "How is he?" Kevin asked worriedly to one of the medic staff, as he noticed the blood on me. "I can feel his pulse, but it's very weak. We need to get him to the hospital now! Who's coming?" the medic asked. "ME!" Kevin and Justin said at the same time, then looked at each other. "Okay! You both can come. Quick!" Kevin and Justin jumped up quickly. The others followed the ambulance to the hospital. ##### PRINCETON HOSPITAL ##### The hospital was crowded with injured people from the earthquake. While I was in the operating room, the guys waited outside nervously, especially Kevin and Justin. They sat side by side silently, actually no one dared to speak. Brian sat next to Justin, while Nick sat next to Kevin. AJ, Howie, Chris, Lance, Joey and JC took seats on the floor, since there weren't enough chairs for everyone. "Justinnnnn!" A distinctive female voice called out. "Mom," Justin stood up and hugged his mom. "Are you okay?" Lynn kissed her son repeatedly. Jonathan also came along with her; he looked at his brother. Justin just nodded for assurance, "What about all of you guys?" Again no one answered her question. "What's going on here?" Lynn asked worriedly. Suddenly some doctors and nurses went out from the operating room. Everyone stood as they saw Dr. Stephen approaching them. "How is Tony?" Kevin asked impatiently. Dr. Stephen didn't answer immediately but let out a small sigh. "I think you all better come in," Dr. Stephen spoke up as he entered the room, followed by the guys and Lynn. They froze as they saw me lying on the bed with some big machine next to me. I was only half-conscious. Justin ran to the left side of my bed and Kevin to the right; the others gathered around the bed. "Thank you, doc," I said softly to Dr. Stephen. "Please someone tell me what's wrong with Tony?" Lynn asked, confusion showing on her face. "HE SAVED YOUR SON, OKAY?" Nick screamed in tears, as he looked at Lynn. He then turned away and walked toward the corner, sobbing quietly. After a few moments of silence, still facing the wall, he mumbled softly, as he wiped the tears off his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "He risked his own life for your son." Lynn let out a small cry and looked at me gratefully and sadly, "You did it again!" she said in a soft voice. "Again?" Justin turned around to see his mom. "What do you mean 'again'?" Justin stared at his mom. Lynn looked at me, and I shook my head to give her a sign not to tell to Justin. Lynn looked at her son, then looked back at me and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ton, I gotta tell him the truth...especially now," Lynn said to me. Justin looked back at me, then back at his mom again. "Justin... I was actually the one who broke up your relationship with Tony...I really didn't like the fact that you loved Tony, but I also didn't want you to hate me. So I called Jimmy to come, and we planned everything. I really wanted to make you hate Tony, so Jimmy came up with the idea of the rape. He drugged Tony that night," Lynn stopped, feeling ashamed. Justin just froze where he was standing; listening to what his mother said. "So Tony didn't rape Jimmy, Just," Lynn continued. Justin was shaking as he heard the final words from his mother. His face was so pale that I was worried for him. "YEAH! HE DIDN'T RAPE JIMMY!" Chris suddenly shouted at Justin. "Chris..." I shook my head to him, but Chris continued, I think in anger or in a last attempt to do something. "He tried to explain it to you, but you slapped him and yelled at him. You believed that bastard, Jimmy. I tried to explain to all of you guys, but you wouldn't listen to me." JC, Lance, and Joey looked down, while Justin couldn't control his tears anymore. "You...you believed Jimmy...I couldn't..." Chris struggled to hold his tears, "I couldn't believe that you would believe Jimmy...and I can't believe it took me so long to tell you." He shook his head as if scolding himself. "Chris..." I tried to comfort him or at least to calm his anger, but he just held out his hand and smiled and nodded to me, signaling that he's ok. "But...you admitted that you had sex with him," Justin looked at me, I turned my face away from his gaze. I didn't have the courage to answer his question. I had lost my virginity to someone that I didn't love. "DAMN IT! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE WHOLE THING!" Chris shouted again, "Remember when we went to the mall that day, and we were split up? I lost you okay! Jimmy kidnapped you!" Chris took a deep breath, "Tony gave up his virginity to save you," Chris said softly. Justin looked at Chris instantly in disbelief. "Yeah, he raped Tony, okay? If Tony hadn't allowed it, he would have killed you." Chris looked me in tears. "And even after that...he had to use his life to protect you. And...and you..." Chris just looked at Justin in anger and in sadness that his friend could be so stupid and blind about the matter. "Why...Why didn't you tell me?" Justin looked back at me in tears. "Just...I wanted to tell you that time, but you wouldn't listen to my explanation. You just ran away." I replied softly, as I felt something very wrong with my body; and the machine could tell it too. Kevin noticed this. "Doc, what's wrong?" Kevin asked Dr. Stephen as he held my right hand. Dr. Stephen looked at me worriedly as Kevin asked the question. "He was injured by a piece of glass in his abdomen," Dr. Stephen replied softly. Then he took a deep breath, "It hit his kidney." As they all heard the word 'kidney,' they were shocked and turned pale. Kevin dropped his head on my hand. Only Justin didn't have a clue what was going on. "Please, doc, you have to save him!" Lynn begged, "He saved my son! Please?" Lynn put her hand on Justin's shoulder, but he shrugged it off as he was still very angry with her. "I wish I could, but I can't do anything," Dr. Stephen replied. Meanwhile I was trying my best to remain conscious. "Please, take mine," Kevin looked at the doctor. "We can't do the same procedure as we did to Justin..." Dr. Stephen stopped his words as he unintentionally mentioned Justin's name. "WHAT!?! TELL ME WHAT PROCEDURE YOU DID TO ME?" Justin demanded in anger as he realized that all of us were keeping secrets from him. Everyone looked at me and didn't say a word, as they had promised me not to tell him about it. "You know what?" Kevin said, "SHUT UP!" He looked at Justin in a pissed off manner and looked back to the doctor for an answer. But the doctor just sighed and shook his head, "I can't, the glass that we removed was very, very dirty. It cut directly into the kidney. The germs are now invading his whole system...I'm sorry." The doctor said in sadness. And Kevin just held me tighter. After a long silence, "I'm sorry, Ton, I can't stand it anymore, I don't care if you hate me now," Nick said suddenly. Then he looked at Justin in anger, "LISTEN TO ME, YOU CREEP!!! We don't know what Jimmy gave you, but your kidneys weren't functioning at all. In order to save you, Tony became a donor for you," Justin shook his head in disbelief. "YEAH! HE GAVE ONE OF HIS KIDNEYS TO YOU!" Nick yelled "THAT'S WHY HE CAN'T SURVIVE NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT." "Stop it!" I tried to shout, "Please, stop it, please stop torturing him," I cried, as I looked at Justin who was obviously hurting. Justin came to me. He looked at me, his eyes swollen from the unshed tears, and his lips trembling he dropped his head onto my left shoulder and cried uncontrollably. "No, no, no..." Justin mumbled in shock and disbelief. After regaining his senses, Justin asked in his trembling voice. "Why...why didn't you tell me about all of this, Ton...Why?" "Jus..." I called him softly, "Listen to me..." Justin looked at me in tears, "Please don't be mad at them, I asked them not to tell the truth about all of this. Please don't be mad at your mom either, she admitted her mistake; she did that to us because she loves you very much," I said as I let out a single tear. "I hate my mom right now," he said, and from the corner of my eye I could see Lynn's heart break at her son's words. "But why didn't you let me know?" Justin begged me for an explanation. "Justin, you didn't trust me at all. You believed what other people said rather than me. If you love me, you should believe what I say, no matter what other people say to you. And you couldn't do that for me. I asked them to keep these secrets because I want you to believe me by yourself, not because someone told you the truth," I finally said, hoping that he could see and understand me; hoping that for once, he wouldn't doubt me. And I guess my last prayer was heard, as he looked at me in realization and then began sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Ton," Justin apologized as he kept crying. I really hated to see him crying. "I don't know why I couldn't trust you. When I saw you with Kevin, I really thought that you were over me. Even Brian said you slept with him already, I was so angry," Justin explained. All of a sudden, Howie, Nick, AJ, and Kevin looked at Brian, who was chickening out by now. "You told him WHAT?" AJ pushed Brian to the wall in anger. "You told him that Tony slept with Kevin. B, I...I...I don't know who you are anymore," Howie said looking at his friend in disgust. "Guys, please stop it!" I tried to keep them from harassing Brian, because no matter what he had said, I know it was all for love...even if it was a bit selfish. But I guess humans are all selfish creatures. "Kev, you have to tell him the truth now," Nick said to Kevin. I looked at Nick in surprise, then I shook my head at Kevin, begging him not to tell. There was enough sadness in the room already. But Kevin wouldn't listen, he looked at me in guilt then took a deep breath and said in a determined voice, "I raped him, okay! I was drunk that night...It's not an excuse...and I nearly lost him that day...I'm sorry Tony...I just...I love you so much...I'm sorry," Kevin said in a trembling voice as he tried to control himself from showing the pain in his heart. The guys from Nsync and Lynn were so surprised hearing the news that they couldn't say a single word. They just stared at Kevin in disbelief, even Justin was shocked. "Kev, forget it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Please don't blame yourself. You made a big mistake, and I can't ever forgive you for that, but you are always there for me," I assured him rubbing my thumb over his hand. He looked at me still in shame and I smiled at him to show him how much I appreciated his love. By now, I could feel my body reacting more and more to the injury. And the machine confirmed it by beeping irritatingly. "Pleeease do something," Justin looked at the doctor. Dr. Stephen just looked down. "Please, Ton, I love you, I'm sorry," Justin cried on my shoulder again. "What's the point of crying now?" Kevin said quietly, "You know Just, I can't believe that you could have let this guy get away from your life. I tried to love him... I tried so hard to show him that I'm worthy of his love, but his heart...in his heart there is only you...After what you have done, after all the pain you caused him, he could always forgive you and was always willing to take you back...and for you, he's willing to forsake his life...If I had his heart... if I were you... I would NEVER EVER let him go." Kevin said, proclaiming his love and telling me of his pain that I hadn't chosen him. "Just," Lance spoke out for the first time since he entered to room, "I just realized, it was because of you that Tony came out to his family, costing him everything--his life, his family, his studies, everything--for you. Justin," Lance continued softly, "I'm sorry to say this...sorry because I didn't realize it earlier, he forsake everything for you." "And never once would he accept any money from you. Even when he was broke in Singapore and had to sell everything he owned," Joey continued thoughtfully and then looked at me in an apologetic manner. "He was always 'Justin didn't mean this,' 'Justin didn't mean that,' he kept defending you," added JC in a pained voice. "Always...defending you." JC whispered in realization that he had wronged me. Justin cried even harder in my shoulder, I took my hand to hug him and comfort him. "More than defending, HE WAS RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU," Chris said then grabbed Justin by his shirt and forced Justin to look at him. "YOU'RE the one who asked him to come here, but YOU are also the one who dumped him like TRASH!" Chris said the last word in distaste. "Did it ever occur to you that he didn't have anyone here? He came here only because he trusted you." Chris let go of Justin like he was a rag, and he fell to me, his crying getting worse. "When you dumped him, you even said that you'd rather see him dead. NOW YOU HAVE YOUR WISH!" When Chris said the word 'dead,' inside I was really scared of dying, but I looked back again to Justin. I had to defend him for the last time, since no one was defending him at the moment. "Stop it, guys, pleeease, I beg you, stop it!" I had to stop them from torturing his poor soul. Justin cried uncontrollably listening to their words. The machine started to beep slowly. I realized that my time was nearly gone. My whole body looked a little darker, as the machine couldn't clean my blood anymore. "Lance...Joey...JC...Chris, I know that I haven't known you guys very well, but I had a great time meeting all of you. You, Chris, thank you for believing me." I said softly, as they tried to hide their tears. "Please, take care of Justin for me." Justin looked at me as tears flowed from his blue eyes. "And you too, big guy," I smiled at Jonathan, who had kept silent since he came into the room. "Tonnnn...You promised you would play a game with me," Jonathan finally spoke up sadly. I couldn't quite see his angelic face clearly. "I'm sorry, Jonathan," I apologized to him sincerely. I felt like I had even broken my promises to this innocent boy. This is my weakness; I couldn't stand to see a kid sad. "AJ...Howie...Nick, you are the best, guys. I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't met you all." I looked at the three of them, as I tried to smile at them. I knew that AJ and Howie tried their best not to cry in front of me. Nick came to me from Kevin's side. "Please, don't go. Who will protect me when Kevin yells at me? Please, Ton," Nick cried uncontrollably. "No, he won't get mad at you anymore," I assured him as I looked at Kevin, who still held my hand in tears, "He will take care of you, Nick. Be good, okay?" Nick shook his head as he wouldn't let me go. "Brian...come here." I asked him to come closer to me. He came to me full of shame. "Hey," I started the conversation with him. "GO AWAY! YOU LIED TO ME! I HATE YOU!" Justin yelled at Brian as he was standing next to him. "Justin...Stop it! Pleeease," I said as I tried to catch my breath. "I know that we don't have a good relationship, but I want you to be honest with me." I looked directly at him, and he looked at me with his teary eyes. "Do you love Justin?" "NO! I don't love him anymore! He is such a liar! Never in my entire life have I met such a big liar!" Justin screamed. "Justiiinnn..." I shook my head at him. "B?" I looked back to Brian again. Brian didn't say anything but nodded for his answer. I smiled at him. "I know. You better treat him good from now on. Don't hurt him, okay?" I told him. He was surprised on my comment. I think everyone in the room was shocked, especially Justin. "NO! I don't like him, please...I want you," Justin pleaded as he wiped his tears but new tears quickly replaced them. "Just...I know you love him too. Brian really loves you okay? Maybe we're not meant to be together. When there was an earthquake, you trapped inside and we were all outside, Brian was the first one who worried about you. He was the one who wanted to save you before the whole building collapsed." I let out a single tear as I recalled the scene. "I saw him worrying about you. He really cares about you. I could tell from his eyes." I stopped. All of them, including Justin, were silent after listening to my explanation. "I'm sorry, Ton." That's all Brian said to me, as he regretted his actions toward me. I just nodded my head. Now I turned to my left side. This was the hardest task, Kevin. He had kept silent all the time I spoke to Justin and the others. "Kev..." I looked at him as I lost my words for him. "No, I don't want to hear it. You promised, Ton. You promised that you wouldn't leave me. You promised," Kevin came closer to me and knelt down, as he said in his wavering voice, tears streaming down his face. "You asked me if I love you..." I started slowly and painfully. "No, No!!!" Kevin shouted, as he stood up frightened. He quickly moved away and turned his back to me. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear that you don't love me!" "I love you." Smiling, I told him softly. "What did you say?" He quickly faced me and asked me. His face now brightened. "I love you," I smiled at him sweetly. "You do?" He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. With relief on his face, he cried with happy tears as he asked me. "You really do? You really, really love me?" "Yes, I love you very much..." I smiled as I gazed into his eyes. Then I looked away. "But..." "No! No! NO!!! " Kevin interrupted me, crying. "No 'buts,' please, no conditions, no nothing. Just say 'I love you' and that's all. Please Tony, please, no more 'buts.' Please, no more." "I love you, Kevin, I really do." I cried. "But...but I'm sorry, I have to turn you down again," "No, you can't turn me down. Please don't go," Kevin begged me. "Look at my fingers." He looked my left hand where I was wearing the ring. All of them, again, surprised as none in the room had noticed the ring on my finger. Kevin looked at the ring in awe. "I'm sorry, I lost the box, but I didn't want to lose this ring, so I put it on my finger." Then I took the ring off my finger, and put it in his hand. "Kev, I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't marry you. Please give this ring to the person you love." "I love you, I'll always love you. And this ring will never belong to anyone but you," he said determinedly as he slipped the ring back onto my finger. I looked at the ring, then at him, understanding that he had to do this, so I said, "Whoever has you will be the luckiest person on earth. I wish in the next life I will meet you again," I said as I turned away from him, I couldn't see him in tears anymore; it crushed my heart to see him sad. He was a good guy; he took care of me like no-one else. He had even loved me since the first time we met over the Internet. I was breathing so heavily as the stench of death was fluttering around me, waiting to claim its next victim as the machine was beeping slower than before. I looked at Dr. Stephen for help. I couldn't stand the numbness in my body. Then Dr. Stephen took a few steps toward the machine connected to me. Justin noticed and pushed Dr. Stephen away from the machine. "GO AWAY! NO ONE TURNS THE MACHINE OFF!" Justin gave a death stare to everyone, then he looked at me. "Please, Ton, I love you. I'm sorry for hurting you, please don't go. I LOVE YOU, PLEEEASE!" Justin was crying uncontrollably. "Justin, don't do this. You have to let me go, okay?" I begged him in tears, "Please don't cry. You know that I hate to see you cry." "Ton, I hurt you so much. Please don't hate me," Justin said in trembling voice as he was sobbing. "I could never hate you, Just. Remember what I said in Bali. No matter how many times you hurt me, I'll never hate you. I love you, Just. Please take care of yourself." I moved my hands to him and looked into his blue eyes. 'O God, I miss him so much,' I said inside. "Please, don't go. Come on! You can do it!" Justin tried to encourage me to survive "Please for me? I'll do anything for you, please? You have to live okay. Come on!" he begged. I knew my body, and I couldn't hold it any longer. My hands were shaking. Justin could feel it also. "Jusssss...," I whispered his name as I tried to hold the pain, Justin looked me in the eyes, "Can...can I...have...a kiss... ple...please? I...I...really... mi...miss you...so...much," I said to him, as I gasped for breath. No one in the room could hold their tears any longer. Poor Kevin couldn't stand to see me like that. Justin looked at me, and I kept waiting for his answer. Finally he nodded, then he wiped his tears away, and I tried to smile from my excitement. Justin was lowering his head. I was waiting for his lips to touch mine. Two inches before his lips touched mine, I closed my eyes and turned my face away from him. "BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP.........." THE END Love is a difficult emotion, It could cause a commotion. You vowed to me your love was true, But truth and honesty were foreign to you. You couldn't accept the love from me, I was telling the truth couldn't you see. If you would have listened to what I had to say, Maybe we would still be together today. (thanks Candy for the poem) Okay here's my 'Thank You' note, I decided to put all my readers in this list, either passively or actively in contacting me from the started to now. Thank You guys, you are the best, This story mean nothing without YOU. Let's start the list because I don't know what to say; after 21 weeks of running this story suddenly I lost my words; Well 'You say it best when you say nothing at all'. Hopefully you can find your name: Adam 'Thanks for great constructive criticism; love your feedback too, maybe it's a 'test of friendship'. OOO Yeah: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Adam, Happy Birthday to youuuuuu. Happy 17th Birthday!!' Alain 'You just know how to tease me hahahaha ... Do I have a chance to compete with them? I really don't know what to say to you...you are so...never mind hahahahaha' Alan 'I still couldn't believe that you could read those all-20 chapters in one night, it's amazing hehehe Thank You!' Andrew 'Dodger' 'I missed your responding man :) Where are you? Anyway the story is ended. Thanks for your support :)' Angel 'Thank You for reading this story from the beginning, Thank You for sending your feedback from the beginning, until now. THANK YOU' Bart 'It's rather disturbing, now? Love your suggestion from your 'peanut gallery' hehe' Brandon 'Thank U for considering to read my story, hopefully you still enjoy reading this last chapter' Candy 'OOO gal Thanks for the flower, no one 'sent' me a flower before, Thank you for your kind words. You should take all the credit for your poem--again Thank you, you made my story complete [your words works like a melody, and your name sweet like a candy]' Clive 'OOO Man still couldn't believe that you could read my 19 chapters in one day, you are GOOD! Hehehe' David-Nifty Archivist 'Thank you for the space in your great website, and thank you for giving my story a chance. Thank You' DJ 'Thank you for letting me to write your name in here. You made my story alive. Good luck with the exams' D 'DFZOL' 'Thank you for your great support for my early chapters, where have u been??' D Man 'Yo D! 'The Best story that you have read on'??? Wow! I'm flattered man hahaha. And I just wanna make you sure again that you never offended me' Gene 'It started from 'Sing4Wrigter' to 'All Grown Up', and then you 'surprise' me hehehe. Good luck for your book ;) Thank you so so much for your help, seems like we're getting along very well' James H. 'If you still read this note, means you still like my story. I know you hate this story ... but I like your honest comment' Jannick Paston 'Hope you still read this :)' Jason 'Firesong' 'See! No more cliffhanger...so NO MORE!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha funny guy. Sorry can't make Brian kicked by a horse hahahaha' Jason 'Lightwind' 'I granted your wish already with your 'wishes of the heart', you do great, keep the story running' Jason Randall 'Man! Thanks for an earlie Christmas present...I love your 'Jason and JC', hope you have a great holiday, jas :)' Jeff Watson 'Haven't heard anything from you, man...but thanks for your feedback on my early chapters, good luck with your story :)' Joanne 'Sorry to make you cry while reading this story, and sorry to disappoint you not to put Tony and Justin back, but Thanks for your great comlements. O yeah, thanks for the picture hahahaha I wish I can see Justin instead of his leg hahaha'' Jonathan Andrew Ybanez 'Thanks for being such a good friend 'pooh'. You encouraged me to write this story. And Thank you so so much for willing to take part in my final chapter, this is great. I know, your new story is ready to invade Nifty. Good Luck!' Joe Merry 'JDM' 'Wish you still read this note, mate. Thanks for the support...Good Luck for your story' Keith Lowell 'Be strong man! I'm here for you, well not physically. Hopefully you can find your Knight in Shining Armor ;). And see! I told you, I made your majestic Brian as a good guy' Kevin Peyton 'Thanks for the questions, mate hahahaha that was great. Glad to see a new fan before the story ended :)' Kris 'As the story end, I won't make you hanging again, right?' 'LTYGGODK' 'Sorry I dunno your name, anyway thank you for sending your feedback, I'm not whether this is kinda soap opera type of story, hope you like it' Mark Schmidt 'I know the story is getting sadder, so I end the story now. Thanks for your emails man' Matt 'MAnda' 'Sorry to let you down man...I know you want Kevin with JC so bad, but That's the way it is. Thank U' Matt Blah 'Funny Funny man! Never stop laughing when you were talking hahahaha, maybe "The Book" can tell me something or should we worship Kevin??' Matt 'mrlafrance' 'I only received two email from ya, hopefully you still read this, thank you for your complement, man' M. North 'I don't know your first name, but thanks for liking that poor guy' Myriddian 'Thank you for your time in reading my story and sending some great feedbacks, even when you were busy' Nate Deep 'OOOOO what should I said to you, because of you, I posted this story to Nifty. Thank You, Nate. I see the sunshine and a rainbow after the rain' Rick 'hey Rick! "THE ONE" and the only Rick' Tim Maloney 'I hope, you read this thing because I haven't heard from you since my early chapter, anyway Thank You' Tim Ratigan 'Thank you for being such a good friend, from 'Twist and Turn' to 'From out of the ashes'...even you tricked me hehehe, for me--your stories are better than mine' Tom 'Hallo! Thank you for the Dutch lesson that you taught me, you are a good teacher' Yuli 'Aaaaa Thank God I found you from this story. You are the Best. Right 'piglet'? Again you are the best! I can't describe with words but you know what I mean...Thank you for your help' Z 'hey don't worry--I promised to keep stayed tune for your 'I just wanna be with you' good luck!' ######################## Here's all the song that I used for my story, I should make reference for this one. Chapter 1: A New Beginning (Thinking Of You) I Drive Myself Crazy/NSYNC/NSYNC Chapter 2: Let This Love Begin When You Say Nothing At All/Boyzone/Boyzone...By Request Chapter 3: Be There With You Cruel/Human Nature/Counting Down Chapter 4: Love Is All Around Chapter 5: I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You You've Got Away/Shania Twain/Come On Over Chapter 6: Until The Time Is Through I Finally Found Someone/B.Adams & B.Streisand/OMPS 'The Mirror Has 2 Faces' Chapter 7: I'm Holdin' On To Love (To Save My Life) Because You Love Me/Celine Dion/Falling Into You Chapter 8: Swear It Again All By Myself/Celine Dion/Falling Into You Swear It Again/Westlife/Westlife Chapter 9: I Did It My Way What Good Is A Heart/Code Red/Missin You Already Chapter 10: End Of The Line Chapter 11: If I Let You Go No Scrub/TLC/Fan Mail Chapter 12: Something You Should Know Chapter 13: When The Going Gets Tough Chapter 14: My Déjà vu If I Let You Go/Westlife/Westlife Chapter 15: Things Just Seem To Be Falling Apart The Day I Fall In Love/James Ingram & Dolly Parton/James Ingram-Just The Best Chapter 16: Everything Fades Away You'll See/Madonna/Something To Remember Chapter 17: How Do You Heal A Broken Heart Music Of My Heart/Gloria Estefan & Nsync/OMPS 'Music Of The Heart' Chapter 18: How Could An Angel Break My Heart I Only Want To Be With You/Vonda Shepard/Song From 'Ally McBeal' Chapter 19: Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore I Want It That Way/Backstreet Boys/Millennium I Knew I Loved You/Savage Garden/Affirmation Chapter 20: I'll Sail This Ship Alone I Do (Cherish You)/98 Degrees/98 Degrees and Rising That I Would Be Good/Alanis Morissette/Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie Chapter 21 (Final): Here's Where The Journey Ends She's All I Ever Had*/Ricky Martin/Ricky Martin ? Lyric had been changed slightly THANK YOU FOR READING! SEE YOU AROUND!