Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 12:30:47 EDT
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Where You Are 2

  Disclaimer: I do not know anyone that works with 98 degrees. I have never
met them, most likely I never will. This is just a story, that's it a story
something I made up. It's not real in anyway shape or form. If it was I
would be crying my eyes out.

  Warning: There may be sex in this story, you know the rules to that. I
wouldn't say that this story has a dark plot. I will say that this will be
my saddest story. It's been bouncing around in my head for a few months
now. I know how's it going to end, and begin, but the middle is going to be
a little hard.

  Authors note: It's me again, I hope you haven't forgotten me. Another 98
degrees story, who would have thought I would leave the BSB alone long
enough? Like I said in the warning this is a very sad story. It's all
because of a song that gave me a really weird dream. The story is going to
follow my dream all the way. It was a short dream, so I'm going to make it
a little longer. This will most likely only have two parts to it, maybe
three. I might write more, but I may not be able to. Ok I would like to
thank a few people for all their help. The first person I have to thank is
Kenitra, without all of your help I would have never started writing. Then
to my best friend Eddi, your great man thanks for everything. He's been a
great help to me in so many ways. To Fallen Angel for giving me a few ideas
on this story when I asked. You should also read her story French Kiss Me,
it's really good. You should also read anything and I mean anything by
Kenitra. Ok now what I love most about my stories, my symbols. These ***
mean a character change or who I'm starting with in the beginning of the
story or chapter. When I am starting a chapter I will put the name of the
character in the middle of the symbols. If I'm in the middle or somewhere
else in the story the name will follow the symbols. Now on with the story,
and if you have time mail me please do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

****Ken****

  I woke up hours later to find myself in LA, what a wonderful city. It was
the one place on earth that held everything. Some parts of the city were
really nice, while other parts weren't. A lot of cities had this trait, LA
was different in one way. In LA it didn't matter who you were. You were
only as good as your job, and that's how you were treated. If you got paid
a lot, then you were treated like a God. If you had your face on a
magazine, a good one, you were treated even better. I got paid a good
amount of money and my face was on a lot of magazines. In this town people
knew that little fact, they kept up with it. It was the one reason I loved
this place so much. I could lose myself in this city so easily. I stepped
off the plane and made my way to the luggage claim. I got my bag and got a
cab to a hotel. I knew that my apartment wouldn't be ready for a day or
so. Once I was at the hotel I went to my room and crashed for a while. I
found myself wanting to go back to Nick. I knew I couldn't, it was just out
of the question. I had chosen this path, now it was time to walk it. I
hoped that someday I would run into Nick again. I called my agent and asked
him where I needed to be tomorrow. He said I had a week to get settled
in. At first I had thought that was a good idea, then as I sat alone I
found that it wasn't.

  It had been close to three years since I had seen Nick. I still thought
about him every waking moment. I had thought I would get over him, I hadn't
even come close. I knew that by now he was happy and with someone else. At
least I hoped he was happy, that's what I wanted for him. I had made the
right choice on leaving him, and pushing him to school. I had talked it
over with my mother and brother, they agreed with me. My brother even told
me that he was proud of me. That was the first time he had ever said those
words to me. I was now on my way back to LA, it seemed I never got away
from that city for too long. I looked out my window, it was really dark
almost peaceful. I smiled to myself as I started thinking about Nick
again. I'd look to the skies and see him sometimes. I still wondered what
happened to him, I guess he never got my note. I had wrote the address down
and asked him to drop by if he was in the area. I had hoped that someday he
would come by and hang out. I had even kept the apartment when I moved to
Texas. In fact I had already had my stuff sent there over a week ago. Once
the plane landed I went straight home and straight to bed. The next morning
I made a few phone calls and then checked my mail box. I didn't I would
find anything in it, but I did a little note. I shrugged and took it up
stairs, I tossed it on the table and took a shower.

  I took a seat on my couch and thought about my next move. I would be here
for the next six months, what could I do in that time. I had been taking
vocal lessons and acting lessons for a while now. I had thought about going
into the music business but changed my mind. Then I started trying out for
a few shows on Broadway. I got in one, I did pretty good if I might say so
myself. I stayed with the show for about six months, then I got bored. I
went back to modeling full time, it was so much easier. I liked the runway
a hell of a lot more than the stage. On the runway, no words were needed,
and I just had to look good. On stage that's just a whole area I don't even
want to get to. I found myself looking at the note on the table. I knew
that most likely it was from some weird cult. I decided that I would open
it anyway, wasn't like I had anything better to do. I looked at the note
and skipped the writing, it was from Nick. I walked back to the couch and
sat down for a few seconds. I hadn't thought he would ever leave me a note
after so long. After the first year had passed I gave up that idea. I just
took it that he had moved on, I didn't mind that. In truth the note could
be telling me just that, that he had found someone else. I decided to read
the not out loud, it made more sense to when I did that.

  "Dear Ken, I know it's been a while since I've even tried to contact
you. I don't even know if I got the right mail box. I'm in LA now, have
been for a month. I don't know if you'll even get this, I've come by your
apartment four times so far. That's why I decided that I would write you a
small note. Since the last time I saw you my life has changed a lot. I'm
trying to get a band together, trying being the main word. Drew isn't mad
at me anymore, but that did take some time. I want you to know that you
were right about college. I now realize how important it is, now anyway. I
had thought that you just didn't want me, now I know that isn't true. I
want to thank you for making me chose that, it means a lot to me now. It
showed me just how much you really cared for me. It also gave Drew a reason
to like you again. After I had told him about our last encounter he had
been impressed. At the time I was telling him because I needed a shoulder
to cry on. He's the one that cleared that whole mess up for me. He said
that if you had taken me with you. It would have showed that you didn't
care about me. That by making me go to college you showed that you loved
me. It had hurt him a little, but he doesn't hold it against us anymore. I
want to see you again, if you want to that is. I'm not going to give you a
time limit, that wouldn't be fair. I just want you to know that I'll wait
for you until you decide. Love Nick" The note had other information on it,
his number and address.

  I found myself throwing my clothes everywhere. I had to find the perfect
outfit, I had to look good when I knocked on that door. I hadn't been this
hyper getting dressed in three years. In truth it normally took me less
than thirty seconds to get dressed. I had learned that trick years ago, and
in my business changing fast was a must. Sometimes once you got off the
runway, you had to be back on it thirty seconds later. I looked at all my
clothes, I didn't want to look too perfect. I needed to look relaxed, yet
really good. I grabbed a pair of really baggy jeans. Then I pulled out my
black tank top, then a red short sleeved shirt. I looked in the mirror,
then I checked my butt out, it looked good too. I fixed my hair and ran out
of my apartment, I caught a bus down town. I was starting to think I needed
a car, starting to. That meant it would at least take me a year to decide
on that subject. I knew LA pretty good, so I didn't have a problem finding
Nick's apartment. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, I had never felt
like this. I knocked on the door softly, still no answer. I could hear
someone moving around inside the apartment. I knocked a little harder this
time, that got their attention. The door opened slowly, a dark haired man
had answered. "I'm sorry I thought this was my friends apartment. Could you
please point me to the right one. His name is Nick Lachey, that's if you
know that is." I smiled my best smile and he opened the door wider.

  I didn't understand the gesture at first until I saw someone sleeping on
the couch. I walked in slowly to get a better look, it was him. I walked
over to him and knelt down, he was still the most beautiful man I had ever
seen. He had changed slightly, gotten a lot stronger. I didn't want to wake
him, I could tell that he had already moved on. I was happy for him, and he
had made a good choice. It still hurt a little, well a lot, I had really
thought this might work. It wasn't his fault, he had waited a long time for
my answer. I looked up to see the man still waiting at the door. So far he
hadn't said anything, that was fine. "Tell him that I stopped by my names
Ken, he'll know who I am. Tell him that I think he made a really good
choice." I left right after that, I didn't give the man time to ask
questions. I ran down the stairs and out of the building, my heart was
breaking. I know that I shouldn't even be mad at him. I was, he had said he
would wait, he didn't wait for me. I found myself on the beach looking at
the water, it was beautiful. I had always found the ocean calming and
peaceful. I took my shoes off, then my jeans, seconds later my shirt. I had
boxers on, and I didn't think anyone would mind that much. I folded all my
clothes in a neat pile and took a seat by the water. I watched the waves
move in and out, I felt myself calming down.

  I stayed there most of the night just watching the water. I know that I
had cried a little but I needed it. After a while I left the beach dusting
off first then getting dressed. I walked back to my apartment, it was a
nice long walk. I walked up the stairs slowly, someone was sitting on the
top stair. I tensed my body up slowly, I was not in the mood to get mugged
tonight. As I got closer I noticed that he was almost asleep, not a good
choice. I tapped him on his shoulder until he woke up. He looked up and my
heart started doing back flips. He smiled at me then slowly stood up, he
was hotter than ever before. "You know, you could have woke me up before
running off." I just looked at him for a few seconds, I didn't understand
why he was here. "I didn't think you would want to see me. You have moved
on after all, you made a good choice Nick." His eyes got big and he started
laughing. "You think me and Jeff, oh God no, never he isn't my type." I was
a little confused, why did he have a man staying at his apartment? "He's my
band mate, and my room mate Ken. I share the apartment with him and Justin"
I was starting to feel really foolish. I couldn't help but to start
laughing at myself. "Would you like to come in, it would be really nice to
talk to you." He nodded and I opened the door waving him in.

*********Nick

    I couldn't believe that it was taking me so long to get to the
hospital. I had called Drew back for an update, he finally told me it
didn't look good. I asked him if he thought Ken would make, he wouldn't
answer. I didn't know how much time I had left, but I had to get to him. I
couldn't let him die, I just couldn't he meant to much me. If I could get
there then maybe I could find a way to save him. The memoires were getting
stronger every second. It didn't make sense, it was like my life was
flashing before me. But it wasn't my life, it was our life together. After
we had found one another again we started dating. Then everything got a
hell of a lot more serious. I had thought he was going to take off again
when I first saw him that day. No, that hadn't happened, he had asked me
and my friends to move in with him. He said that he had the room and we
could spend more time together. Jeff had agreed very quickly while Justin
thought about it and I simply said yes. Then we had a problem within out
ranks, we needed another voice. Ken turned it down real fast and told me to
call Drew. I had been confused, but still I called him. In a very short
amount of time Drew had joined our ranks. It was a little weird at first,
Ken and Drew didn't talk much. Then one night when I got home from work I
thought they were fighting. The house was a reck and I heard Ken yell out,
then Drew.

  When I ran to the bed room they were launching pillows at each other. The
they saw me and smiled innocently. At the same time, they both pointed and
said. "He started it I'm just an innocent victim." Then they looked at each
other and started laughing their asses off. After that everything was
great, they even hit a nude beach together. I hadn't liked that idea too
much, it might give Drew a few ideas. Then Ken brought up a really good
point, if something like that happened Ken would set him straight. I wasn't
worried anymore, and found that I never had a reason to be worried. Drew
had gotten together with Jeff when no one was looking. I didn't find that
out until later that night when they got home. Drew was joking around with
Ken about something they had been talking about. "You know Drew, I think
you might be right. Why don't we find out real quick, go get Jeff?" Drew
smiled brightly and ran toward the back bed room. He dragged Jeff out and
made him stand right by my side. "Nope my Nick, has him beat by at least an
inch." Drew was shaking his head pretty fast then they started
whispering. I was starting to get nervous, if they started double teaming
us we were done for. Drew was known to pull a few tricks, so was Ken.

  They moved toward us slowly, in truth it was kinda scary. They looked
like hunters and Jeff and myself were the prey. I took a few deep breaths
as Ken pulled me to his lips. I closed my eyes instantly, he wrapped his
arms around me. When I opened my eyes dew to him pulling away. I could see
that Drew was kissing Jeff, I was a little shocked at first. What was a
little more shocking was Jeff was doing most of the kissing. Then Drew
pulled back along with Ken. They stepped back to where they had been
standing. "See I told you Nick is bigger by at least an inch." Drew frowned
big time, and then I understood what they were doing. I looked down then
turned around and went back to our room. I heard Jeff following me, then a
lot of laughter from the living room. "I can't believe he just did that to
me." I looked over my shoulder to see Jeff shaking his head. "I know what
you mean man, it's just a little off key." We both went into my room and
closed the door behind us. "Since when were you and Drew going out, you
know you could have told me." Jeff just shrugged his shoulders and smiled
lightly. "I knew I shouldn't have let them take off like that." Jeff just
shrugged his shoulders again, then he left. "It could have been worse, they
could have dumped us for each other." That was the last thing he said to me
that night.

  I didn't talk to Ken for the next two days, it was his punishment. He got
me to brake it by pouting like a baby. I had never seen someone just cry on
command, then giggle once he had won. I don't even know why that memoire
was the one that had so much power. He had been there before I was famous,
and now I could lose him. I remembered everything he had ever given up for
me. Like how he had said it was ok that I pretended that I was with
Jessica. It helped that he and her were really close friends. Then there
was the little fact that he had canceled a lot of stuff for me. He had
almost given up modeling all together. I hadn't been to sure about his
choice on stopping his career. I liked the idea that I had him in my life
all the time. That I could always see him, but he seemed a little unhappy
the last couple of weeks. He still danced his brains out every night he got
the chance. I had asked him if he wanted to dance with us when we got
started. He had said that he might, if he didn't have anything else going
on. The next memoire that stands out was a really fresh one. It had only
been a couple of weeks ago, and now it shook me to my core. I had been
trying to write a song for him, to surprise him. I knew that he couldn't
sing it with me, so Jessica was going to do it with me. We had been touring
and as far as the world knew Jessica and myself were an item.

  The song was fresh on my mind and soul, it was so sad. I remembered that
he had just walked into the room smiling. "Hey what are you writing there,
come on let me see please?" I just couldn't fight that look on his face, it
said so much. "You weren't supposed to see this until later. Well, you
weren't supposed to see it at all only hear it later." He smiled and sat
down in my lap, he kissed my neck then my lips. "If you didn't want me to
see it then you should have heard me coming." He looked into my eyes, his
eyes always made me cave in. "Can I sing it with you, like just in here?" I
nodded slowly, I guessed that I could sing some of Jessica's part. I pushed
play on my tape deck and showed him where to start. "There are times I
swear I know your here, when I forget about my fears. Feeling you my dear,
watching over me. My hope sees of what the future will bring. When you wrap
me in your wings, and take me where you are. Where you and I will breathe
together once again, we'll be dancing in the moon light. Just like we use
to do, and you'll be smiling back at me. Only then will I be free, when I
can be where you are." I finished the first verse and looked at him. His
eyes were brimming with tears, for once I think they were real. Then slowly
he closed his eyes, the tears fell.

  "And I can see your face, your kiss I still can taste, not a memoire
erased." I had never heard him sing before, he had a beautiful voice. "Oh I
see your star shinning down on me, and I do anything. If I could just be
right there where you are. Where you and I can breathe together once
again. We'll be dancing in the moon light just like we use to do. And
you'll be smiling back at me, only then will I be free, and then I will be
free, so take me where you are." The tears in his eyes were falling
nonstop, it ripped at my very heart. "Now baby there are times when
selfishly I'm wishing that you were here with me. So I could wipe the tears
from your eyes and make you see. That every night while you are dreaming,
I'm here to guard you from afar. And anytime I feel alone I close my eyes
and dream of where you are. And we will be together baby, only then will I
be free." We had stopped singing, he was in my arms. He kept shaking his
head while I held him, he never told me why it touched him so much. "I
don't ever want to let you go, I just want to hold you forever." When he
looked up into my eyes, my heart almost stopped. His eyes were the truest
blue that I had ever seen. I had never seen his eyes like this, not this
blue. They weren't changing either, they stayed that way for the rest of
the day. Every time he looked at me his eyes would tear up again.

  I ran into the hospital looking for Drew, he knew what was going on. When
I ran through the doors it was like everything stopped. I saw Drew leaned
up against a wall, his whole body was shaking. I ran up to his side, the
look in his eyes told me so much. "Nick, I'm so sorry, they don't think
he's going to make it. It's all my fault, he tried to save me from getting
hurt. He through his body over mine to keep me safe. I'm so sorry Nick, if
I hadn't been there it might not have been so bad on him." I just held him
in my arms, he was crying so hard. "It's ok Drew, he's real strong he's
going to be ok." Drew nodded slowly and I let go to find Ken. "He's in the
ICU unit, they can't keep his heart from fluttering." I nodded slowly as I
made my way down the hallway. I walked into the ICU looking for his room. I
was stopped by a nurse, she kept telling me that I couldn't come in
here. "My boyfriend is in here, and I want to see him please." She looked
at me and for a second she looked human. It was like at that moment she
understood where I was coming from. "What's his name, and what happened to
him?" I told her what she needed to know. I was then shown to a room where
Ken was sleeping. "Hey baby, I'm here to see you. Can you wake up for a
little bit and tell me what hurts?" His eyes opened slowly, they were blue
again.

**********Ken

  I could see Nick standing over me, he looked so gentle. "I don't hurt
anymore, it must be the pain killers." He moved to my side laying his hand
on mine. "They said that they didn't think you would make it. I knew that
wasn't true your to strong to let them win." I looked into his eyes, so
beautiful. "I don't know about that my love, I feel so weak." He was
shaking his head slowly, almost painfully. I had lived my life, now I could
die knowing that I was loved. "I lived my life for a long time without ever
feeling love. Then I met you, my whole world changed then. I knew what it
was to love, and to be loved in return. You have given me so much Nick, so
much you'll never even know about. I'm sorry I never told you how much you
meant to me. I want you to know that I have always loved you and you
alone. That no matter where I was or what I was doing, you were in my
heart. That I'm so sorry that I left you that first time we met, I never
told you how sorry I was. Nick it's getting cold, and so dark, please hold
me." I felt his arms rest around my waist. I could feel his body shaking
violently, I could feel his tear drops. "Don't leave me please, I need you
so much Ken. You said you wanted to hold me forever, you have to keep that
promise." I wanted to keep that promise so much, but I was so tired.

  I could feel his breath against my cheek, his tears on my lips. "I'm so
sorry baby, so sorry. Can you forgive me if I can't stay with you?" He was
shaking his head slowly, he was telling me it was ok. "I'm so tired baby,
can I go to sleep now?" I felt his body stop moving, then slowly a hand
moved up to my eyes. "It's ok baby, you can rest now, I'll be waiting for
you." I couldn't say anything, my body just wouldn't let me move anymore. I
heard a very loud beep and then I didn't feel anything anymore. It was like
everything stopped, there was a really bright light. It hurt my eyes for a
few seconds, then it felt good. I could hear this beautiful music coming
from somewhere. It sounded like Nick so I followed it to where the people
were standing. I felt so loved, but something was missing. I looked back, I
could see Nick sliding down a wall. His whole body shook with pain and
grief. I could feel the tears falling from my own eyes as I watched. I
wanted to reach out to him, to hold him like I had promised. "Will he be ok
with me gone, I have to know?" I looked to the people that held their arms
open to me. "You are never gone from those that love you. You will always
be with him in his heart, and maybe more." I simply nodded and followed
them away from Nick.

*******Nick

   I couldn't believe that he was really gone, it was to unreal. The
doctors had given up on saving him. They left me with his body, a chance to
say good bye. I stood beside him, his hand was starting to get cold. "You
know, I loved you too, from the minute we first kissed. I never told you
that, now I just pray it isn't to late. I know you can hear me, my Mom
always said that no matter what you could hear me. That those I have lost,
could always hear me." I could feel a hand on my shoulder and I knew who it
was. I turned to Jessica and held onto her tightly. "How's Drew doing?" She
looked up at me and shook her head slowly. "He won't talk to me, he keeps
saying it's all his fault." I shook my head slowly, it wasn't anyone's
fault. I walked with Jessica to see Drew sobbing like I had never seen him
do before. When he looked up to me his eyes held so much pain. "I'm so
sorry Nick, it's all my fault, I'm so sorry." I pulled him into my arms, he
just cried harder. The next few hours went by real quick thanks to
Jessica. She called Ken's mother, a call I couldn't have made. She said she
would be in LA in a few hours. I just sat in my car and looked out the
window, he had given so much. I had asked so much of him, and he would
always give. I didn't know how I could face his mother or the days to come.

  Drew had come out to join me in my car, I didn't remember him getting
in. I just couldn't face a world without him in it. He was my everything,
and now he was gone forever. He had given so much of himself, but I don't
think I ever really gave anything back. I couldn't see my future anymore,
it had always included Ken. I had seen my life all the way up to being an
old man. With Ken by my side talking about our past together. That would
never happen now, it could never happen. I felt arms around me, I knew it
was Drew. I wanted to believe that it was Ken holding me again. That
somehow he had come back just to hold me once again. Then I heard the
single on my radio, it was the one song I could have lived without. Then it
was like everything in the world faded away and only the song remained. I
could hear myself singing Jessica's part in the song, then I heard
Ken. Only this time he didn't brake down crying in the song, he continued
to sing. I don't know why but it helped me so much to hear this song. It
was like he was sending me a message from beyond. I could hear him
whispering that he loved me, that he always would. I fell to sleep shortly
after that, and Drew had taken me home. It was a nice apartment that we had
shared with Ken. I laid in our bed and just looked at the pictures we
shared together.

  I slowly pulled myself from the bed and walked out into the living
room. I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I followed them to find
a woman talking with Drew about Ken. She turned around slowly bringing her
eyes to meet mine. I could see Ken through her eyes, it was like he had
never died. She slowly stood up and pulled me into her arms. "You made my
baby happy, for that I thank you." I looked into her eyes, she had been
crying as well. "I love him so much, why did this have to happen?" She was
rubbing my back as I asked the question. "I don't know, and I wish I did,
if you need anything just call me." I looked at her once again, she was so
strong. I found myself in my bed again, alone again. When the sun came up
the next morning I found myself with a house full. Ken's brother had gotten
here sometime last night, I was worried about meeting him. Ken had never
really talked about his brother much. When I walked out of the room, I
thought that I saw Ken standing in the hallway. When the man turned around
in my eyes it was Ken. He was a little older, but it was Ken. I don't know
what stopped me from pulling him into my arms. It may have been the fact
that the eyes shook me to my core. This man's eyes were blue, a blue that
was so unreal. They were the same blue that Ken's had been.

  I couldn't move or speak, my voice had left me. My breath threatened to
stop for the rest of time. "It look's like my brother made some really good
choices." I didn't understand what he was trying to say. All I could hear
was his voice, it was Ken's voice, a perfect match. I found myself reaching
out, just to touch him once again. I didn't care if it was only my mind
playing tricks on me. His brother didn't move away, his body seemed to
freeze at my touch. I felt a hand on mine, he had taken my hand in his. "I
know what I must look like to you, but I'm not him." I pulled my hand back
slowly, the pain coursed through my whole being. Those few simple words
made it all become real, he wasn't Ken. I felt myself falling, and then
someone catching me gently. "It's ok Nick, if it helps I would have chosen
you too." I looked up into his eyes, why did they have to be so blue. Then
I was lifted from the ground and taken to my room once again. His arms
never left me as I fell to sleep. I felt safe again, I felt that the world
may not end on this day. The pain had lessened a great deal since he had
started holding me. In my dreams I was being held by Ken, and the world was
right once again. As I opened my eyes slowly, I could still feel the arms
around my waist.

  I turned slowly to see an older version of Ken holding onto me. His eyes
were closed and his breathing was even. Something told me that something
was wrong, but it felt so good. I closed my eyes again, letting myself fall
into him. I knew that in a few days he would be gone once again. So I
decided that for the few days that he may remain in my life I would take
the advantage. I could tell that he was starting to wake up, so I closed my
eyes tightly. "Ken always knew how to pick them, I have to give him that
much. Do you hear me little Bro, you picked a great guy." The words seemed
to ease more of the pain. I moved my body around, hopefully looking like I
was just waking up. I let my eyes flutter open slowly. "It seems we have
yet to introduce one another, I'm Jason, Ken's brother." I nodded slowly
and held my hand out for him to shake it. "I'm Nick, thanks for helping
me." He nodded slowly and then instead of getting up he held onto me. I
didn't mind at all, in fact I let myself fall into him again. "Today is
really going to be hard on all of us." I just agreed with him, but I
refused to move any part of my body. Why did he have to be so perfect, so
kind? It wasn't like Ken, but there were times when I thought he was. His
voice was the same, the only thing that was really different was his
eyes. With Ken you could always tell what he was thinking. With Jason it
was like he had walls that never had an ending.

 To Be Continued