Date: Sun, 16 Mar 2003 18:04:13 -0500 From: Carter <nicksxtacy@sympatico.ca> Subject: Worth It Disclaimer: This story is a work of Fiction. It is not meant to reflect the true sexuality/behaviour/opinions of any member of the Backstreet Boys or anyone else mentioned within. Lyrics quoted are Copyright Richard Marx from the song "Right Here Waiting". Author's Note: Feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Inquiries about my other fiction can also be obtained by emailing the author at nicksxtacy@sympatico.ca Worth It Brian took a look over his shoulder before putting the video in the VCR. He could hear the sound of the shower running and knew he had a few moments before Leighanne would be out of the shower. He hesitated one last time before hitting the play button on the VCR then headed back to the couch, pausing only to remove his son from his crib before settling comfortably down, baby in his arms, to watch the tape. He'd been speaking to Howie just the day before when Howie had mentioned the tape. He'd comfortably avoided the issue and even changed the subject, but Brian knew, as did Howie, that Brian would be anxiously awaiting the delivery and he'd made sure it arrived the very next day. He didn't know how Howie managed to read him so well, but he was thankful that the older man still acknowledged what Brian was afraid to admit and did his best to keep Brian as well informed as he could. As he waited for the footage to begin, Brian looked down at the baby in his arms and thanked God for what must have been the millionth time for blessing him with the child he'd always wanted. A precious little creature to devote his life to and to give all the love he had bottled inside. He kissed his son's forehead and took a moment to breathe in the precious sent that could only be a baby's hair. As he rocked the baby gently, Brian's eyes were drawn up to another heavenly vision, the one that was on the screen before him. Brian saw Nick walk across the screen and took his place at the microphone in the centre of the stage. Brian could barely breathe as he watched the vision before him. Though Howie had sent the tape of Nick's entire concert, he'd made sure the tape was at a specific spot, hoping that even if Brian didn't make it through the entire tape that he'd at least see Nick perform the one song he knew Brian needed to hear. "Oceans apart day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain If I see you next to never How can we say forever" Though Nick would never admit it, and Brian wouldn't dare believe it, Howie knew that Nick had purposely made the last minute addition to his set list the night he knew Brian was supposed to have been coming to his show. "Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you" Brian had been devastated when Leighanne had told him she had arranged a last-minute audition and he had to stay with the baby. Both of them knew she was lying, but Brian no longer had the energy to fight her. He knew all too well what lengths she would go to in order to eliminate contact with Nick. She'd actually hung up on Nick so many times that the younger man now refused to call. Brian knew he should have been making more of an effort to get in touch with Nick, it always seemed like she was around at just the right moment to distract him from making the call. And then along came Baylee and not only did Brian find himself with less free time on his hands, but suddenly maintaining his friendship with Nick grew more painful, in a way that he couldn't explain. So he'd given up; and it had been months since they'd last spoken. Brian had desperately searched the gift basket Nick sent when Baylee was born, hoping there would be some type of message from the man he'd once believed to be his other half, but amongst the toys and flowers had only been a simply signed card, the words "Congratulations! Love, Nick" saying so little it almost hurt. "I took for granted, all the times That I though would last somehow I hear the laughter, I taste the tears But I can't get near you now Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' crazy" Brian shook the memory from his mind as the realisation of the song Nick was singing drugged his senses. He couldn't believe that after 10 years, and all he'd been through with Nick that the younger man was still able to affect him the way he was. The slightest movement from the baby in his arms caught Brian's eye and the father watched with admiration as Baby Baylee struggled to turn his little head towards the television, the sound of Nick's sweet voice mesmerizing him as well. "Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you" Both Baylee and Brian watched the way the blond man on screen conveyed his every emotion not only in his voice, but also through his eyes. As the camera focussed in on Nick's face, Brian was locked on the blue oceans and felt his own eyes fill with tears, threatening to spill as he pulled his son closer for comfort. As Nick hit the climax of the song, every note brought a wave of warmth through Brian's body as it equally stabbed at his heart - and he was oblivious to everything but the beating of his baby's heart and the sound of his Angel's voice. "I wonder how we can survive This romance But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' crazy Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you" "You're still in love with him aren't you?" Leighanne's voice started Brian out of his trance, causing him to shift suddenly and disturb the peaceful child. Careful to soothe the baby's discomfort, Brian reached for the remote and abruptly turned off the TV, seeing Nick disappear from the screen causing one last lone tear to trail down his cheek. When Brian refused to respond to Leighanne, she continued, "We've been through this Brian. And you know the deal. You know where the door is - no one's stopping you. But if you leave, half of it is mine. And if you want your son, then I want three quarters of everything Brian. It's your choice" Leighanne paused only briefly before continuing, "But is it really worth it? Can the little faggot offer you all you've got going for you right now?" Both adults knew Brian wouldn't be able to answer, so they simply remained silent. Brian stared down at his child, the only thing that kept him going and gave him a reason to live while Leighanne stared icily at the man and his son. When Brian spoke, it was a shock to them both, and the harshness of his voice was filled with anger and a strong sense of hatred, "What makes you think I'd give you anything?" Leighanne didn't have to contemplate her answer, and the icy tone of her voice left no doubt in Brian's mind that she meant every word she said, "Because you're 'Brother Brian'. The perfect father and perfect son. The perfect Southern Baptist boy. How would the world and the Church react if they knew you were nothing but a filthy cocksucker? You wouldn't want to risk that Brian, not for that little blond faggot. You wouldn't dare. And because of that, you will do whatever I say." With that, she turned and abruptly left the room desperate to avoid having to hear the sobs that she knew would come from the man she left behind. ************************************************** It was six months later that Brian buckled Baylee into his car seat and placed a gentle kiss on the sleeping child's head before he settled himself into the driver's seat of his car and took one last look at the house he was leaving behind him. Though Leighanne was not home, he knew she'd be returning within a few hours from visiting her parents and he wanted to be well on his way before her return. Looking over once more at his son, the vision of the sleeping Angel reassuring him that he was doing the right thing - Brian slipped the well-played CD into the player and eased the car out of the driveway, allowing the voice coming through the speakers to beckon him home. When the cell phone rang a few hours later, Brian really wasn't surprised. He carefully brought the phone to his ear and braced himself for the expected cursing to begin, "Hello?" "What happens if he doesn't take you back?" Brian didn't know if he was more surprised by the words out of Leighanne's mouth, or by the calm tone that she possessed. Brian had been prepared to be damned to hell yet Leighanne's current approach stung just as strongly. Unwilling to allow her to realise she had shaken him, Brian was careful to maintain his composure and answer her with the same coolness that she had posed the question. "All you should be concerned with is the cheque and paperwork on the table." "I just have one question Brian. Do you really think he's worth throwing everything away for?" Brian took a deep breath and was tempted to end the call. He had fulfilled his part of the deal and had no obligation to answer her, but he did and he spoke from his heart, " It has always been Nick. From the day I met him, I was mesmerized and he's always shown me what true beauty and real love really are. The sun doesn't rise the same way when it's not being seen through the reflection of his eyes. No sound has ever been as sweet as the sound of a song sung from the depths of his soul and no one will ever be more evidently my Angel than him. You can believe that how I feel is sinful and wrong - but I'll tell you this - I've never felt anything as pure and as true as his love. And that tells me he is a gift from God." With that, Brian turned off the phone and let a smile of contentment spread across his face. He didn't feel he was leaving his life behind, but yet knew that his real life, the destiny that he'd tried so hard to avoid was about to begin. ******************************************* Nick came running down the stairs as the doorbell continued to sound. He paused only to catch his breath for a second before pulling the door open and nearly gasping in shock at the sight of bright blue eyes staring deeply into his. "Brian!" Nick allowed his joy to be heard in his voice and reached to hug Brian, stopping suddenly when he caught sight of the bundle that was clutched tightly in Brian's arms. Nick carefully looked down at the child before allowing his eyes to meet Brian's once more. Nick's voice softened as he let go of all the questions as to why Brian was standing at his door and focussed on the precious child gazing up at him. "Is this." Brian smiled a tender grin and nodded - the look on his face answering and giving Nick the permission to reach for the tiny bundle and take the child into his arms. For a brief moment, the baby whimpered at the loss of his father's warmth, then released the softest sigh as he immediately found comfort in Nick's strong arms. Nick couldn't tear his eyes from the child in his arms, much as Brian couldn't get enough of the sight of the blond man tenderly struggling to retrieve his finger from the tight grip of Baylee's tiny little hand. Brian's giggle caught Nick's attention and he looked up into the father's eyes. "Brian, he's beautiful. he's absolutely perfect." "I know," Brian grinned as Baylee began to make content gurgling noises, a smile now gracing the baby's face as he stared up in awe at Nick, still clutching at his finger, as if he was afraid if he let go Nick would disappear, "And he seems to like you". Brian was thrilled. Though he had never really worried about whether Baylee would take well to Nick, he had also never imagined that within moments the two would bond and seem so meant to be part of each other's lives. Nick had been staring at Brian, watching the look of utter ecstasy that had graced his features as he watched Nick and the child. It never failed to amaze him how beautiful Brian was and how he could instantly take his breath away; but more amazing was how good it felt to hold this child in his arms. Somehow, the baby fit perfectly, his small head finding the hollow of Nick's elbow perfectly, and his head gently resting on the softness of Nick's chest. Still amazed, Nick turned his attention back to the baby and spoke to the child, "Well. hello there little fella. It's nice to meet you. I'm Uncle Nicky!" Suddenly, a thought occurred to Nick and he turned back to Brian, a look of confusion causing his full eyebrows to crease. "That is what he's going to call me right? Uncle Nicky?" Brian couldn't help but feel a rush of adrenaline at the excitement of the moment. All the words he had planned left his mind as he decided to go with the moment. Retrieving the small object from his pocket, Brian held his hand out to Nick, the platinum ring glistening in the sunlight. "I was hoping he could call you Dad." Nick looked up from Brian's outstretched hand and into his eyes. A million questions were asked without uttering a single word and Brian reassured Nick with a simple smile, while reaching up to run his fingers affectionately along the taller man's cheek . "Nick." Both men held their breath as they waited for Brian to continue; to say the words they both could barely believe were about to come, "Will you take me back? Will you please love me again." Nick couldn't bring himself to speak and he was overwhelmed by his senses. The feel of baby Baylee in his arms, the tiny heart beating against his chest and the sight of Brian before him looking at him with so much love that Nick had to blink to make sure it was real. When Nick didn't respond, Brian continued, "Nick, I know what I put you through. I know I hurt you so badly and I know I don't deserve to think that you'd still love me back - but please. I love you Nick, with all my heart. You've always been the one. Please say you'll open your heart and let us be part of your life." Brian dropped to one knee, right there on Nick's doorstep and gazed up lovingly at the his Angel. Nick looked from the baby to Brian, realising that he was being offered everything he'd ever wanted. He knew he still loved Brian, and had never stopped, and he also knew that right here, with this child in his arms, he wanted nothing more than to spend his life making this child the happiest it could ever be - side by side with Brian forever. "Bri. I've never stopped loving you. I always have, and always will. And no matter what life brings us, no matter the heartbreak and pain I will always be right here waiting for you." "Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' crazy Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you" The End.