Date: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:35:47 -0500
From: talkalot2112@hotmail.com
Subject: You Ruined Me-Chapter One
Pairings: I can't tell that so quickly, but it will be obvious :)
So, this is the first story I have every tried to actually submit. Any
feedback would be amazing.
This story is purely fiction. I have no affiliation with N'Sync nor do I
know their sexualities...well, besides Lance but that is no longer a
question. :) Only continue if you are above the age of 18; if reading this
material is legal in your state; and you're okay with M/M situations...if
not I suggest stopping now...if not...hopefully you will enjoy the story!
You Ruined Me: Chapter One
There are two things in life that a person can be sure of: love and heart
break. No one said either would be an easy experience to go through.
Most, however, did not get informed that both could happen more then once,
and rest assure that 99% of the population could never imagine it happening
to two people over and over again. Most, especially, couldn't even see it
happen first hand. The craziest thing about it is that watching two people
go through it is more crazy then going through it yourself. Seeing two
people meant to be together fighting the inevitable is the hardest thing to
do because all you can do is wait for them to see it themselves. It
happened to me, to me and two other people who witnessed the true heartache
and pain or rejecting your true feelings. I witnessed the two most
beautiful people fight their feelings, deny their hearts, hurt each other,
but most importantly, hurt themselves. I also witnessed two people fall in
love; one of the most painful things that happen to people in this world.
Oh, and could you imagine it happening under the scope of the world on top
of everything else; could be kind of tough right?
"Here we go one more time, everybody's feeling fine...here we
go now..."
"Yesyesyes here we gooooooooooooo, N'Sync has got the flow." I
should have known that recording that song all those years ago would come
back to haunt that hell out of me. Oh, let me introduce myself; the name
is Joey, yes, Joey Fatone of the infamous group N"Sync...if you couldn't
tell by the song Lance and Chris so kindly screamed as we entered the old
stomping ground. Jive records that is (the old stomping ground). Oh, and
yes, as the song says we are back again, one more time, and god do I hope
we still have the flow. According to our publicist/ internet spy, we are
still popular to those young adoring fans that have now entered what?
College. Lord. Anyway, after months of contract making, phone call
chatting, and multiple convincing, we have decided to make a come back.
It's sort of strange, walking into this building again. Seeing Chris and
Lance, watching the interaction we held all those years ago come back in
full force. Sure, it's only been about 10 years, it feels like eternity.
JC and Justin have both become much more then the group, Lance is gay and
out to the public, Chris, well...he didn't really do anything too life
altering, and I am now able to dance the waltz and samba with world class
dance champions. Wow.
"Joe, man, are we really about to do this?" Lance asked me
with wide eyes (that reminded me so much of the first time we entered a
board room to discuss our first album) as we walked into the next couple of
months of our lives; the studio at last.
"I think so. Crazy huh?"
"Man, it's been so long since we were all together. I mean,
sure I've seen all of you, but not together, not in a while." Chris said
sitting down in the producer chair with a look of awe in his eyes. He was
right though, it had been a while since we'd all been together. The last
time was probably one of Justin's concerts for his first album...LA maybe?
"Do you think that it'll be weird, with both of them here
running the show again? I mean, how long has it been since they weren't
the only ones in control creatively?" Lance always had to ask the tough to
answer questions. No one was sure how it would work with two people who
had been solo for so long. NO one knew much of anything about how this was
going to work.
"I don't know man. They are professionals though. It'll take
time." I hope I was right. I still had a lot of unanswered questions
about a lot of things between them. It seemed weird that the last time we
were all together seemed to be the last time they were together...the last
time they were willing to try to work things out.
"Nice show J my man. It seems you really don't need us." Chris
said trying to lighten the mood and create some sort of happy environment,
I guess.
"Thanks man. It wasn't perfect but hey." There was one thing I
had learned about Justin in about 3 minuets of meeting him back when he was
14. No matter how much he said that not being perfect didn't bother
him...well to put it simply he was full of crap. However, he would deny it
bothering him until hell either froze over or we stopped asking. So, by
the time he was 17 we stopped asking; but of course Chris had to ask now.
Why? Why does Chris do anything that he does?
"Eh, only you noticed your mistakes man. Don't let it bug you
that much." Again, why Chris, WHY? Did he honestly think this was helping
the situation at all? Did he really think that having Justin focus on his
screw ups was going to help him not focus on JC? Honestly.
"Ya know Jus; for the first time I truly see how much my lack
of dancing abilities held you back all those years. Slightly depressing on
my end." Thank god for Lances' ability to read my mind at certain times.
"Naw Scoop, you can dance...I just dance a different style."
That was the first time since leaving the stage he'd actually smiled. Mind
you that since he was on stage, I know that his smile was completely
rehearsed and not an indication of how happy he was.
"This is bullshit." Oh, hell, I knew this fake ass happiness
wouldn't last very long. JC would be the one to break. JC would be the
one to lead the shit hitting the fan escapade.
"What exactly is bullshit Josh? What is your problem now?"
Justin, yea, okay they may as well duke it out now.
"You know what your problem is Justin? You're full of a bunch
of crap. You think that you're gonna make it without us around huh? You
really think that the fans care about your talent at all. Surely you
didn't think that they come to your shows for the music. Surely you
realized long ago that you're nothing but a pretty face with a good body.
If you can call it that." Why Jace? Why did you insist of hitting him in
spots that you know are going to crush him? He knew that those words were
more then just insults. They were the words that could ruin everything
Justin had fought to regain these past couple of years.
"Jace...what..." Chris started.
"No, we should be honest with him. We've spend years
sheltering him from the truth. Hell, we all knew it all along," he turned
to look Justin directly in the eye, "You're nothing but a face Justin.
People only want you for one thing..."
"Fuck you JC. Fuck. You."
"Oh, you would like that wouldn't you? But wait, you don't
wanna do that because you don't want US to ruin your career. Isn't that
what you said Justin? Isn't that what you claimed? Well, I have news for
you...your career was ruined when you decided to leave this group. You're
nothing without us. NOTHING!"
"Jace, please don't do this tonight...please." Justin was
practically begging him to back off. JC was only trying to hurt him. The
last person on earth who we would have thought to do that...hurt the man he
loved.
"Whatever Justin. You get what you deserve. Always have."
I was taken out of my own thoughts by the emergence of the
asshole...I mean JC himself. That night left a lot of heated feelings
between all of us, but I don't think anyone had the guts to bring up why he
said those things to Justin. I guess we were ultimately scared of what his
answer would be.
"Hey guys. How is everyone?" He seemed to be a little jumpy
around us. Probably because he knows we still had harsh feelings toward
him. No sense in making it hinder this come back though, if Justin wanted
to bring it up he could. The rest of us were just bystanders, it's his
choice weather or not to confront JC I guess.
"Hey Jace, nothing man. Just ready to do this." I had to
laugh at Chris. This group was his baby from day one. When we had called
it quits for a while, I think he really believed that everything was over.
Hell, everyone believed everything was over. Especially with Justin's
success and everyone else's' side projects. Now he had that sparkle back,
the look of creating this group all over again. It made me happy to see
him so excited for this come back; he was our driving force.
"Oh lord. The boys have returned to wreak havoc on my calm
studio. Why lord do you do this to me!?" Johnny was so freaking dramatic
it killed me.
"Shut the hell up man. You know you've missed having all five
of us here at once. Justin and JC alone were not enough to do us justice."
I stood up to give him a hug; no matter where we went in life, Johnny
always supported us. Always.
"Joe, man, you have no idea how much I enjoyed the peace.
Really, you just don't understand."
"Speaking of Justin...where the hell is the infant anyway?
Does he already have to be late...we said 2:30 sharp...unless of course he
was here at 2 AM he is officially late." Just as Chris was about to go and
find the boy, in walked, well, not so much a boy anymore. Justin still had
that "it" factor about him; the ability to literally make heads turn as
soon as he walked into a room.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know I'm late. Don't say anything;
traffic was a total bitch out there. It wasn't me. I swear to God I was
gonna be on time, but that old lady and her dog held up the entire state of
California." He always had a good excuse. Sure Justin, blame it on the
old lady.
"Justin, I swear, we need to set all your clocks forty minuets
fast," Lance said laughing and grabbing Justin in a big bear hug, "God boy,
what did you do? Grow some more since I last saw you? Jesus. I thought
growing spurts ended at like 22 or something."
I looked over at Justin. Over the years I had learned to read
Justin's demeanor pretty well. I say that, but after these years of not
being together everyday he has learned to change those demeanors; or maybe
I just don't read him as well anymore. After Chris gave Justin a hug and
messed up his hair and tackled him to the floor, I stepped up to hug Justin
as well.
"It's good to see you man." I whispered in his ear. Justin
and I had always had this weird kind of relationship. We were close, but
not an obvious close. He came to me when things got to be too much for him
and I wouldn't say anything to him about it; I simply held him. Justin
wasn't really an affectionate person, but with us that all changed. He
just seemed to need to be protected, but since we ended there hasn't been
anyone there for him. That worries me...but I think what worries me the
most is the fact that he may not need me for that anymore.
"It's good to see you too Joe." Something was off a bit; but
then I remembered who was standing right behind me; in Justin's line of
direct view. They one...the only...Joshua Scott. Justin let me go and
simply stared. Well, we all stared really because to be completely honest
we weren't sure where this was going to go. We had two choices really:
one, Justin could just flat out beat the hell out of JC; or two, they would
be completely civil and act as though nothing had ever happened between
them. This was it, all marbles on the table.
"Hey." JC threw the first dagger, wait, that was a nice "hey"
wasn't it. Okay Justin, here's your chance...fight or not to fight; that
was the question.
"Hey." Well, that was easy enough now wasn't it. No blood, no
tears, no nothing but "hey". I could handle that.
"Well, uh, let's have a seat everyone. Get this meeting
started." Lance always knew when to turn the fun off and the business on.
I bet Johnny's wondering whey he's even here; Lance has everything under
control.
"First order of business; the new album. We need some sort of
time frame for this thing to come out. The press is gonna wanna know when
we plan on releasing the comeback of the year album. What do you guys
think?" Well, hell, we could start with some music first.
"Shouldn't we decide that once we actually sit down to write
some stuff. I mean, it's a little pre-mature of us to go out there and say
that on December 7 we will release this album. Come on guys, we can't
possibly put that kinda time frame on something we haven't even thought
of." I know I'm right, I'm always right.
"Sure Joe, but what do we say when we're bombarded with that
one question. They fans are gonna wanna know." Chris always did state the
obvious.
"They may want to know, but they'll be more pissed if we put a
definite time frame on the album and then have to change it twenty times."
"What if we just say early next year? It's May right now, that
seems reasonable to me; if it ends up being earlier then great, but they
won't get pissed because we never said a for sure when." Ah, and the
logical Lance emerges.
"Okay then. The first order is settled; early next year until
further notice," Johnny must have found that situation easy to deal with
because he still had a smile, "Next order; music for this album. Where do
we stand there?"
"Uh, no where?" Haha, Chris you crack me up.
"I mean, what sound are we going for this time around guys.
You all are older, wiser, and two of you have branched off as solo artists
with two completely different sounds. I think ya'll should try to
incorporate everything that you have gone through for the past 10 years."
"First of all," oh, I knew JC couldn't behave all day, "N'Sync
is different from Justin and me as solo artist. My sound does not go with
what this group does, and plus Johnny, Jive didn't want to release my music
when it was just me so why would they do it now?"
"JC, I know we've talked countless times about why your second
album was not released. There's no reason to bring it up now."
"Yea, JC seriously, not right now. This is N'Sync now; it's
not all about you."
"What ever Joey. The only reason they wouldn't release my
stuff is because..."
"Don't fucking start JC. Don't you dare start this crap now."
I was pissed.
"Guys, just chill out okay?" Lance had no idea how past chill
I was.
"No, I won't chill out until he cools it with this whole pity
party thing about his damn album. It was years ago Jace, get the hell over
it."
"Alright, alright. This is not about JC or his album, this is
about the new N'Sync album. Let's keep that in mind okay. Please." Chris
wanted nothing more then for everything to be the way it was; to be normal
again.
"Okay. Back to the topic at hand; our new sound." Lance said
while glancing up at each of us and trying to seem as calm as possible when
all he wanted to do was wring our necks.
"I think we should just wait to see what happens. I mean, how
can we label a sound that we don't have yet?" Whoa, I'd almost forgotten
that Justin was even at this meeting. He hasn't said a word, but he has
always been one to only talk when he felt the need.
"Point taken. Who came up with these bullets to go over
anyway. Most of these have duh answers. Geez." Chris started to rub his
forehead like he was getting a migraine or something; which he may actually
be getting.
"Right, so maybe these aren't important points to consider
right now, but I think that you guys have really got to start thinking
about some of these things. This album has got to be amazing. It has got
to really get you guys back out there as a group. This album...I don't
think you guys realize how important it is going to be for ya'll to start
clicking again," Johnny paused to look all of us in the eye, especially
Justin and JC, "and I mean all of you." No pressure though right? Ha,
yea, I wish.
"Don't worry John man...we got this!" I looked over at Chris
and couldn't help but smile, he meant what he said. We would have
this...eventually.
"Alright then, I'll leave you guys alone. The compound is
yours. I'll be back in about a week or two," he stood up and sighed, then
he smiled, "I'm glad to have my boys back." He walked out of the board
room and silence fell over us. I think, for the first time in our careers
as a group...we had nothing to say. Well, that, and I think that everyone
was afraid to say the first word. This could be a long day...
"So, how is everyone? It's been a while, let's catch up."
Thank the lord for Lance, but I don't know if that was the right question
to ask.
"Well, Bri misses all of you guys a lot. She's getting so big
guys it's unbelievable." Talking about my daughter seemed to be a good ice
breaker.
"I miss that little girl so much. Are they in town?" For the
first time in a while, I saw that old Justin that I loved.
"Naw, told them to hang out in Orlando until we had some ground
work done. Didn't want to bring a distraction."
"Man, do you guys remember when she was born? Do you remember
how the fans and everything freaked out thinking that Joey had just knocked
up some random girl...until Joey informed the world about his '10 year
plan', freaking loser." Chris looked at me and started cracking up. So,
maybe my 10 year plan failed when Bri was born...that wasn't supposed to
happen until year 15 or so, but hey. What can I say?
"Oh man, I remember that," Lance said collecting himself
again," the best was Johnny's face when he found out though. I thought he
was going to literally kill you!"
"That wasn't half as bad as when Justin came back for the first
time trashed in Germany...I think Lou would have killed him had he not been
practically unconscious already." Funny story Chris, all but the mention of
Lou that is. I looked over at Justin to see his response; this would be a
good test to see how he'd been dealing with things. His face transformed
into the neutral face that the press thought was his `happy face'. I
didn't know if I was the only one to notice the change though because it
was followed by the appearance that the comment didn't bother him.
"Yea, that was not the best night." He looked out the window
and didn't say anything more. This translated into drop the subject.
"I can't believe this," Of course it would be JC to help us
transition into a potentially dangerous conversation," You guys are
pretending that we're all buddy buddy again. Let's be real. Put the cards
on the table. Get the pissed off shit off of our shoulders."
"And let me guess JC, your pissed off at me huh?" Justin said
shooting a glare that made the saying `if looks could kill' come to life.
"And what if I am Justin? What's wrong with that? Can you
blame me for being the only person in this damn room that will admit that
you fucked us all over?!" JC was yelling so loud that I was sure the glass
was going to break.
"JC, seriously..." Lance began.
"No Lance. NO, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that what
he did was okay with me. I'm not going to walk on egg shells around him
anymore. He's been without us for years now so obviously he can handle
this. Fuck you Justin. Fuck you for everything you've done to us. We put
our careers on hold so YOU could be happy. So you could live your dreams.
What the hell about us? WHAT ABOUT WHAT WE WANT?!"
"No Jace, Fuck you. We decided as a group to take a
break. Don't you dare take this out on Justin. Don't you dare." I didn't
want to get involved, but this is getting ridiculous.
"Yea Joe, we took a break. A BREAK. He took that and ran, he
took our break as a chance to show the world who Justin fucking Timberlake
was."
"Shut up JC! I didn't do anything to hurt the group. I didn't
have any motives besides making music. We took a break! What did you
expect me to do?!" Justin was up in JC's face at this point. I hadn't
seen this anger out of him since, well, since before we knew everything.
"We took that break for you. For you to get better. For you!
We didn't take that break for you to make music, no where did we say that
solo albums were okay!"
"Better JC? We took that break so I could get better? I'll
never be better JC. You of all people know that." Justin had tears in his
eyes, and suddenly I realized the hardest part about doing N'Sync again was
fixing the parts of the group that had been broken. We'd never taken time
to make ourselves better, to talk about things, to not feel so guilty for
being so blind.
The room was silent. Lance and Chris sat with the same look on
their faces that I probably had; we sat and watched JC and Justin, praying
that this would end between them. Whatever THIS was. It seemed like time
had stopped, like there was nothing else going on in the world then what
was happening right in front of me. The both sat there, staring; both with
tears in their eyes, but neither one willing to budge.
"You're nothing but a selfish ass who thinks only about himself
Justin. You knew what you were doing all along. Why you're back here I'll
never know, but I'm not going to sit here and jump back on the pity wagon
for you. I'm not falling for that shit ever again." Justin finally pulled
his eyes away from JC and looked around at each of us before looking back
up into the eyes of the man who he had once loved, his best friend.
"I never asked for you to fill sorry me Jace. I never asked
you to feel pity for me," Justin was barely whispering, "I never wanted you
to know about any of this." With that he turned and walked out of the
room. No one spoke, no one moved, but I couldn't just let him leave like
this.
"Justin!" I said chasing him out of the room. "J, come on."
I said once I saw him walking down the hallway towards the bedrooms of our
new `group home'. He stopped with his back still towards me. If there's
one thing I'd learned about Justin through everything was that he had to
make the first move when he got upset like this. When his emotions were
all over the place and he couldn't figure out how to react. He was
clenching his fist and his breathing was slightly shallow, but he wouldn't
look at me.
"Baby J..."
"Don't call me that."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, just...will you talk to me here? I...I
don't know what to do right now. I don't know what your thinking." I
continued to stare at his back, not making any movement for fear it would
scare him away completely. There were critical points when it came to
dealing with an upset Justin, but I hadn't been around him like this in so
long I'd even forgotten that he hated that nickname. Stupid Joey.
"Joe...I just..." he took a deep breath before he turned to
look at me. At least he turned around. I could see the emotions in his
eyes—confusion, sadness, and the pain...
"Justin, look, how JC feels is not how the rest of us feel
okay? He's alone in that anger towards you. We're not angry with you at
all." I took a step towards him, but he took a step back. And suddenly he
placed his mask back on. That I recognized; the mask that had fooled us
for years into thinking that he was okay. I hate that mask, I hate that
that mask is back in his life. I didn't like that the mask was back and
what it meant.
"It's whatever Joey. I'm fine."
"Justin, don't do that. Please don't act like you're okay."
"I'm not acting. I'm fine. I just wanna go get unpacked so we
can get started on everything okay?"
"J, please..."
"Just leave me alone Joey. Please. I'm fine okay? I'm fine."
He looked me in the eye, and all I could see was the hollow Justin that had
lived amongst us all those years ago. He turned and walked down the hall
and up to the rooms and I had to fight to not follow and make him talk to
me. I knew that that would not work. I would only push him further away.
I took a deep breath and turned back to the room where the others still
were. I walked in and noticed that Lance and Chris hadn't moved and
neither had JC. But I was pissed.
"What the HELL is your fucking problem?!" I yelled at JC as a
grabbed him by the front of his shirt and threw up against the wall. I
couldn't contain the anger any more. I could feel it boiling over and he
was the reason for that anger. I felt Lance and Chris making a move to
pull me off of JC but I stopped them with a simple glare that surely told
them to stay the fuck back.
"Let me go Joey."
"No, fuck you. You just have to be the asshole all the fucking
time. God dammit JC. Why would you say those things to him? WHY?! Where
in your brain to you think that being angry at him and saying those things
would make you feel better!?"
"Let me GO!" JC tried to struggle out of my grip but I always
had and always would be bigger and stronger than him. The more he
struggled, the angrier I got.
"No, you were the all mighty man 5 min ago when you were
tearing apart the man who you used to love! He was your best friend JC.
After everything you've been through how could you treat him like that?!"
"Joey...it's not..."
"It's not what JC? It's not what? You think that you have any
right to do that. You wanna know what just happened in that hallway?! Do
you want to know what I witnessed happen to our little brother?! I saw the
same boy that hide everything from us; the same boy who fought all that
pain alone," by this point tears were streaming down my face because I
fully realized how not okay everyone really was, "he's not better JC, and
he'll never get better without us. He needs his friends, and I'll be
damned if allow you to completely destroy him again." I let him go, looked
him dead in the eye and turned and left the room. What had we gotten
ourselves into? How were we going to make it through this?