Date: Sat, 2 Aug 2008 01:29:40 -0500
From: Brandi Jackson <talkalot2112@hotmail.com>
Subject: You Ruined Me- Chapter 3

Hey Guys!

So Chapter 3 is complete.  Thanks for the feedback!  And remember that I
will love any comments or suggestions you may have!  Again, this story is
completely fiction! I do not know nor do I have any inside information of
the group N'Sync.  This story is set in the present, so all music is false.
However, this is my story so don't steal!  If you are not of age to read
this type of work, leave.  If you do not like the mention of m/m scenes,
leave.  Otherwise enjoy the next installment!

E-Mail!!!!!!!!

talkalot2112@hotmail.com



You Ruined Me

Chapter 3


JOEY

            I swear, the minuet I saw JC towering over Justin, every ounce
of will power had to prevent me from picking up that grand piano and
chunking it at JC.  Every fiber of my body went back into protective mood.
This was my baby brother, and someone was trying to hurt him, again;
someone was threatening his well being and I wasn't there the first time it
had happened, but I'd be damned if it was going to happen right under my
nose again.  Not by one of us.
            "Joey...it's not what you think..."
            "What the hell does that mean JC?!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE!" And for the second time in two days I grabbed JC by
the collar of his shirt, and began to drag him by his shirt into the back.
            "Joey..."Lance must have heard the shouting as well.
            "Take care of Justin."
            "Joey where...?"
           "TAKE CARE OF JUSTIN LANCE!"  I hadn't meant to yell at Lance
per say, but damn it, JC needed to be taken care of.  Once and for all.
            "Okay..."He didn't ask anymore questions and headed over to
Justin who I realized hadn't moved from his spot on the floor.  One look at
his face...one glance and my anger grew ten fold.  I continued to drag JC
through the studio until we reached the back room—far enough away to
where the others couldn't hear us.  I threw him onto the coach and locked
the door.  We were going to have it out once and for all.
            "Joey, I know what you're going..." Before he could even finish
what he was going to say I punched him in the face.
            "You have no fucking idea what I'm about to say to you JC.  You
sit there, shut the hell up, and let me tell you exactly what is on my
mind.  You've had your turn.  You've had your chances to tell us how the
hell you feel; it's my fucking turn," He looked at me with his hand on the
spot in which I had punched him, but he didn't say anything more, "Good.
Now that you understand who's in control here, it's time for you to hear
this for the last time.  I don't know where you feel like screaming,
belittling, or treating Justin as an outsider is okay.  I don't know where
you come off having him on the ground and yelling at him as being okay with
the rest of us.  Do you understand the concept as a peaceful working
environment is?  Do you understand the consequences of what you're doing
are?  Do I need to remind you of the fact that not that long ago you were
still in love with Justin?  I don't understand you JC!  I don't know how
you could hurt him like that!  How you could become just like..."
            "I'm not like him.  Don't even say that Joey."
            "You're not JC?  You're not?!  Who do you think he saw standing
over him like that?  Who do you think he felt screaming at him?  Telling
him that he was worthless; telling him that he was weak?!  Do you really
think he saw you?!  Do you really think that he has forgotten the reasons
for his insecurities, the reasons he doesn't believe he's good enough, the
reasons behind the anti-depressants?!  Do you really?!"
            "I'm not Lou Joey. I'm NOT!"
            "You had me fucking fooled, JC."
            "I don't know what happened to me in there.  I...I can't
explain it."
            "You better fucking try JC.  You better try because I refuse to
do this if everyday Justin spends with you reminds him of those years with
Lou.  I'll be damned if I let that continue."
            "I just got so angry.  I just...seeing him again it's like I
don't even know him.  I can't read him anymore Joe.  I can't...that's not
something I can get used to again.  He's not the same."  This is what was
needing to be said.  This is what JC should have been saying all along.
            "He's not the same JC.  He's been by himself for years..."
            "BY CHOICE!  He just cut me off.  He stopped calling me.  I
don't know why him leaving the group...meant...him, him leaving me."  I
looked at JC and for the first time I saw the JC of old.  I hadn't realized
that this was the underlying reason for his anger; I hadn't thought about
the fact that Justin had ended their relationship when he went solo; I
didn't realize how it would affect every aspect of that relationship.
            "Jace, why haven't you talked to us about this?  Why haven't
you talked to him about this?"
            "I can't do that Joe.  I can't deal with that rejection again."
            "So what?  You're gonna treat him like shit instead?  JC, do
you realize what you're doing to him?  He's not...he hasn't gotten better
Jace.  I, I don't know if he's still seeing his therapist, I don't know
where he stands on the medications, I don't even know if he talks about
anything to anyone. If anything," I sighed before I said the next part
because I knew that saying my biggest fear would only make it real, "he's
learned to completely keep everything inside.  That scares me Jace that
scares the living shit out of me."
            "I know.  It scares me too Joe."
            "You've got to stop this JC.  I, I don't know what you have to
do, but he can't be afraid of you like that.  He can't be afraid to come to
the only people who know.  He can't."  I had started crying, I hadn't even
realized how worried about Justin I was; truth is, I knew we all had them.
            "It's hard to not be angry.  I know I lost it in there, it
scares me too.  I've never gotten so angry at him like that."
            "It has to stop.  Everything.  It has to stop today."
            "I know."


LANCE

            "Lance, do you think that killing someone when they've
attempted to kill you is technically murder?  In my eyes, if I decided to,
I dunno...poison Caleb's drink, I don't see how that's MURDER
really...right?"
            "Chris, we've had the conversation like, 20 times since we meet
Caleb, you can't kill him.  He's immortal."
            "Doesn't he get the flu?  Or a headache?  Doesn't he have
muscles that start to hurt?!  I hate him...he's..."
            "What the hell is going on?!"
            "Did you hear that?" I asked Chris.
            "Yea, it sounded like it was coming from the studio."
            "Shit."  We both jumped off the coach and headed towards the
studio.  I wasn't sure why I felt this was a bad thing, but something in my
gut told me that what I was about to see was not going to make me happy.
We got to the studio door in time to see Joey grab JC by the collar and
start to drag him towards the lounge area.
            "Joey..."
            "Take care of Justin."  Wait, Justin?  Oh my god!  I finally
took in the scene around me and noticed Justin cowering on the floor,
shaking.  What the hell had happened?
            "Joey, what...?"
            "TAKE CARE OF JUSTIN LANCE!"  Oh, well, okay.  He didn't give
me a reason, an explanation, he simply disappeared with JC.  Chris had
already headed over to Justin, but looked afraid to actually do anything.
We were the last people to ever deal with Justin when he got like
this...Chris and me?  We always got JC or Joey at this point, but I had to
do something.  I walked over to Justin and crouched down in front of him.
            "J?  Justin?"  He wouldn't look at me; he looked about 20
million miles away.  I knew this face; Justin wasn't with us at all.  Okay,
what would Joey do at this point?  I looked at Chris for help because I
really didn't have the answer.
            "We have to calm him down Lance.  He's having a panic attack."
He made it seem so easy.  Sure, calm him down.  Does Chris not remember how
not easy that was for Joey and JC...for us?  I took a deep breath and
remembered the number one rule with dealing with Justin during a panic
attack—don't crowd him and don't assume touching him is okay.  Depending
on what he was remembering right now, touching could make this a million
times worse.
            "Justin, J, look at me," I gently placed my hands on his
shoulders.  He had managed to try to make himself as small as possible by
pulling his knees to his chest and was staring into nothingness, "Justin,
you're safe.  You're okay," When I noticed that he wasn't flinching away
from me I gently placed my hands on his checks in an attempt to get him to
look at me.  I noticed he was shaking and crying and almost
hyperventilating," Justin, you have to calm down, come on.  It's okay,
you're okay," I noticed that he was getting worse.  I managed to uncurl his
legs, and despite his height advantage over me, I managed to pull him into
my lap and started to soothingly rub his back while whispering encouraging
words into his ear.  I had seen Joey do this when Justin was like this...so
I figured why not, "Breath with me Justin, in and out.  I'm right here and
I'm not going anywhere.  Shhh, you're okay, you're okay.  I'm here."
            I looked over at Chris how looked about 20 seconds from
breaking down himself.  He always hesitated when Justin go like this; I
think it was the fear of hurting him or doing something wrong.  I didn't
really know if this was right, but Justin seemed to be coming out of what
ever memory he was in, but this reality was no better than that
memory—his own friend had turned into his worst nightmare.
            "You're okay JuJu, you're okay.  Breathe with me.  I need you
to calm down," I was afraid that if he didn't slow his breathing down he
would pass out," breathe with me J.  You're okay, you're okay."  I gently
rocked him back and fourth and felt Justin's breathing slow a bit.  He was
still sobbing so hard that I could tell it probably hurt, but at least he
wasn't about to hyperventilate. I pulled his face away from my shoulder and
again tried to get his eyes to focus on me. "Justin?  Look at me kid," ha,
kid, he was the furthest thing from a kid anymore, but the words seemed to
pull Justin from whatever memory about Lou he was having...God, I hoped it
wasn't...before I could let my mind wonder I saw his blue eyes focus in on
me.
            "There you are."  I gently wiped away some of his tears.
            "Lance..."
            "Yea Sweets, I'm right here.  It's okay."
            "Lance...I, JC...he" He struggled to say what was racing threw
his head.
            "I know, I know Curls."
            "He, Lance, he was...he would have...I'm, he's mad at me.  I
thought, it's my fault."
            "No, no Justin.  You did nothing to deserve him doing that to
you.  He had no right to treat you like that."
            "He, he...he was going, going, t-t-to hurt me."  He started
shaking when he said this.  He was so afraid of JC.  He was afraid of the
one person he always knew to turn to.
            "It's okay J.  He's not going to hurt you.  You're safe."
            "No. No. Never safe.  Never safe."  He continued to quietly say
this over and over again until the events of the day caused him to fall
asleep on my shoulder.  I continued to rock him back and fourth and looked
up at Chris who had let his tears begin to fall.
            "Lance.  What did he mean?"
            "I don't know Chris.  I don't know."  We both looked up as the
door to lounge was opened and Joey and JC both walked out.
            "YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Chris leaped up from the ground and lunged
towards JC but Joey grabbed him from around the waist and stopped him from
probably killing him.
            "Stop Chris.  No more fighting okay.  No more."  I looked up at
Joey as he let Chris go, knowing that saying that was enough to stop Chris
from doing anything crazy.  I looked at JC as well and noticed that he too
had been crying.  Joey walked over from and lifted Justin from my grasp.
            "I'm taking him to bed and then we are all going to sit down
and have a talk."  He kissed Justin on the forehead and headed back
upstairs.  The rest of us looked at each other and realized that this
reunion was going to be much more than simply creating a new sound.  So
much more.