Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 18:45:51 -0400
From: Lilli Luthor <lilliluthor@hotmail.com>
Subject: Conversations With My Father

Smallville and its characters are copyrighted by DC Comics and
Tollin/Robbins Productions.

Warning: This story contains incest between a father and son and some
spoilers for the following episodes: Crush, Reaper, Insurgence, Stray and
Phoenix.


For the first time in a long time, my father wants me again.  Right now he
claims it's for business only, but in time I'm sure for much more. The
plant is doing well and I've cooled things with Clark, so his dramatic
entrance through my study doors took me by surprise.

"I thought you were still in Monaco," I state, trying to contain my
excitement. I would have gone with him, but I had to run the crap factory
and prove myself worthy of such extravagances.  My whole body vibrates when
he's near, but it won't do to fly from my chair and run to his arms.

"Ah, the backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy." He quips.

Well I think we've got the secrecy thing down to a science. Neither of us
ever really says what we mean or admit to what we really want. He comes
short of telling me he's pleased with the way I've handled my little test.
I believe the word he used was adequate, but that's as close to a
compliment as I can expect from him.  I tell him as much.  Another lecture
on mentoring and Greek history and he finally gets to the point.

"I want you to come back to Metropolis where you will hold the position
Special Advisor to the Chairman Emeritus. That would be me."

I want to shout yes as if he'd just proposed to me, but we've been at this
cat and mouse thing too long to give in so easily. "At least the title
sounds important," I say casually.

"It's more than a title, it's an opportunity. It's what you've been waiting
for, ever since you came to Smallville."  He's so smug and sure of himself,
I feel compelled now to be less than enthusiastic.

"I'll think about it," I say.

Another wasted opportunity.  He sees right through me and gives me that
laugh again.  I ache.  I want him to stop toying with me and tell me what
he really wants.

"You want to keep me dangling so it looks like you're granting me a favor
instead of receiving one? We don't need to play games, son."

"Dad," I pause.  I could say yes.  I could tell him the truth.  We both
know what it is and I know now he'll never be the first to admit to it.  I
study him a bit longer, think about the gamble I'd be taking to just get it
out into the open.  It's not worth it, I decide.  I'd rather have this than
nothing at all.  "Games are all we've got."




I hit him where it hurts. It's his only weakness.  His Achilles heel as it
were.  "It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm not dependent on your anymore,
that I've made friends in Smallville, people I can trust."

He doesn't flinch, just moves closer into my personal space.  If we were
alone...but we're not.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lex. I'm happy you're doing well."

He's such a liar, almost as inept at it as Clark and I tell him so.  "No,
you're not. You're afraid I won't need you anymore."

"You'll always be my son... and you will always need me, Lex."

He's right.  But what I really want to know is...will he always need me.



He's in the study, sitting in my chair.  I'm drawn by the power of his
voice. I half expected him to be here.  He's always been insecure about our
relationship.  I could always count on him to show up at the news of an
ongoing relationship or a childhood friend resurfacing (not that there were
many of those.) As you may have guessed, I turned down the opportunity to
leave Smallville citing my success and friends.  Things have been tense
between us (well actually intense would be accurate) ever since.

"I celebrate myself and what I assume you shall assume." He says it more
like a command than a poem.  In spite of myself, I join in.

"For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you." I hesitate and
draw closer.  He gives the slight chuckle that invariable drives me mad and
makes me hard all at the same time.

"Sounds like a description of family, doesn't it?" He's being obviously
sarcastic.

"Not ours," I quip.

"Perhaps lovers then," he smiles slyly.

"Since when do you read poetry?" I ask, ignoring that last remark.

His mood changes and I realize I've broken the spell.

He's here because of Pamela.  He's always been jealous of anyone who
threatened to take his place in my life; her in particular.  He says my
former nanny is dying.  He pries about her motives for visiting.  Secure
with the knowledge that she's found no place in my heart he leaves.



I fucked up big time.  In my ongoing battle for him to see me as a partner
and an equal, our little game of one upmanship spiraled out of control,
nearly costing the man I love his life.  Before I could regain the upper
hand, Clark managed to play the hero and upstage me.  I heard it in his
tone.  My father is enamored with the foolish farm boy

I asked how he got in the building in the first place.  I could hear the
jealousy in my voice.  I'm sure Lionel heard it too, his smirk told me as
much.

"The boy's resourceful, Lex. What difference does it make how he did it? He
saved us. That's what's important."

Clark smiled nervously at my father's words. If I didn't know any better,
I'd think he had a crush on my dad.  I know something happened between them
that time when Clark was acting weird and wanted to run away with me.  I
shouldn't have left him alone with my father.  It's not that I want Clark
or even care about him; I just used him to get Lionel's attention.  He'd
been coming to see me more frequently since I took up with Clark.  But if
Clark has slept with him, he's broken the illusion and now my father knows
it was just a trick to get his attention.

His hand is on Clark's shoulder.  I yank it away possessively and try to
turn him towards me.  He just shrugs my and off and turns away

"Dad. I want you to know I was doing everything I could to secure your
release."  And that is the truth.  Sure I wanted the files and the meteor
rocks also, but the kidnappers didn't know how valuable those things were
to me and I feared they would kill my father over it.  I couldn't live with
that.

"Oh, I'm sure you did a great deal," he answers.  His voice is laced with
skepticism.

His next words nearly kill me.  He ran to me when he needed me most and I
ruined it over...a need to prove myself.

"I'll send someone to the mansion for my things."

I should have begged him to stay, like lovers do in the movies.  Instead I
wrapped my pride tightly around me and wounded him even deeper.

"I'll help them pack."

All I can do is watch as one of his drones takes him by the arm and leads
him away.


It's been a crazy year.  Another failed marriage (she tried to kill me...at
least I hope it was her and not...) Lost on a deserted island.  No Clark
with one of his patented rescues.  I survived on sheer will alone.  I
survived because of him...my father.  Had to get back to him.  Had to tell
him the truth once and for all.  Couldn't let it end like this.

Clark would like to think he was the first person I sought out after my
return.  I let him.  The truth is I had to see Lionel...find out why he
never looked for me.  Had to make sure he didn't try to kill me over her.
He had to know I didn't love her.  Couldn't love her.  As soon as I return
from dealing with the treacherous wench I hear the music and know he's
waiting for me.  I won't waste another chance at getting what I want.  My
whole life has been a gamble.  There's nothing left to lose.

 "If I was anybody else's son," I begin, "I would have died on that
island. All the tests you put me through . . . made me a survivor. If I
keep my pride in check I know there's more to learn from you. I was hoping
your offer still stands to run LuthorCorp together.

I lean into his embrace and rest my chin on his shoulder.  I feel him
stiffen at first. He's not sure what to make of all this.  Just as I'm
about to break free, he brings his arms around me, lifts my chin gently in
the palm of his hand and kisses my mouth.  My eyes flutter shut.  The kiss
deepens.

 He whispers against my lips, "Good to have you back . . . Son."