Date: Sat, 7 Apr 2012 19:14:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: J
Subject: DOCTOR WHO, JESSE AND JEREMY 116

And now right before Easter when all other channels are running reruns...an
incredibly bonkers episode of DOCTOR WHO, JESSE AND JEREMY......


116


The Paul McGann Doctor is in the TV MOVIE console room and he flips a
switch, "Okay, Rivers is safely ensconced in his new home on a new
planet...and we are on our way to..."  he turned and Jesse and Jeremy are
translucent by his side. ".....I... don't know..."  The two boys vanish.

The Doctor vanishes. K9 wheels over to the area, "Masters?"

The Doctor found himself in dark room in a large dining area. A television
was on. Light easy listening music was playing. The Doctor was sure it was
the Girl From Ipenema. "Bossa Nova. Well, I'll be Brazilian. Maybe some day
but not today."  He saw a bar tender cleaning glasses. The dining area had
some people in it but it was not filled to excess. The bright light shone
through the windows. "Excuse me..."

"Sir?"

"Do you...do you mind telling me where I am?"

"Sir? Too much to drink, sir?"

"Possibly. I'm not sure," the Doctor said as if asking a question.

"You are in Augusta, sir."

"And by the accent, I take it we're not in Western Australia because the
weather looks...I take it we are I Georgia?"

"Yes, sir, exclusively."

"By Rassalon’s beard," the Doctor moved to a calendar near a dart
board, "April 1997, is it?"

"Shall I verify that, as well sir?"

"No, no."  The Doctor squinted as he looked at the TV screen above the bar,
"Is that Tiger Woods?"

"Who sir?"

A gold announcer : "How big is that drive? He has a long wedge for his
approach shot."

"They have no idea."

Another announcer: "He seems an innocent, happy go lucky, naïve kind of
soul, at only 18..."

The Doctor looked at the bar tender again and caught his gaze. The man was
starting to clean some more glasses but stared at the Doctor. The Doctor
smiled, "I love human. They're always seeing things that aren't there."

"Yes, sir, especially when they drink, sir."

The Doctor smiled, "Yes."  He looked up at the screen, "The Masters?"

"Yes, sir."

"I always wanted to go and tie a yellow ribbon around that big old oak
tree..."

The bar tender just looked at him.

"You know the one on the golf course side of the clubhouse. I planted
it...planted in one year during the 1860s I believe."

"50s, sir."

"Why, yes, I DO believe you're correct."

"I invariably am, sir."

The Doctor saw Tiger Woods taking a shot.

"That one, young, sir but he could grow up to the Master, sir."


"I doubt that very much..."  the Doctor looked up at the screen and
squinted. "However..."  the bar tender moved away. The Doctor took out his
sonic screwdriver and looked around before pointing it up at the screen,
his arm straight. He used it to make the TV zoom in on the crowd. In the
crowd was the Nick Hoult Master, dressed in full stylish golf gear, cap and
all. His hair had been cut shorter and he had on white gloves and a
checkered brown vest. He smiled. He moved away from the crowd to sit in a
golf cart and he nodded to his caddy, a very young black haired boy. The
Master waved to the Doctor from the cart and put his arm around the boy.

"Oh dear..."  the Doctor said. "He always did have a thing for black haired
E Space boys."

The Master winked at him.

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."




The Big Finish Paul McGann/Lucie Miller theme by Nick Briggs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLqTNaGDCRE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id8qmGcNdwo



MOVING CLOCK TIMES

Everyone stood around the television set. It was Jesse McCartney's
family. Lea, Timmy, mom Ginger, father Scot, the band Dream Street, a
younger Jesse, Jesse's friend Seth, Greg Raposo, Katie and David Cassidy,
Far behind them, Jeremy pointed to the TV screen where one of the Twin
Towers was falling. Jesse grabbed Jeremy's arms and held him close to
him. Jeremy nodded and led Jesse to a kitchen area he knew well. "Whisper,
man."

"My cousin and his brother in law were lost in that. My cousin was a
firefighter and his brother in law was a detective."

"I ...I know. I just ...we never talked about it."

"What the...!"

"Shhh. We can't let them know we're here."  Jeremy put a finger to Jesse's
lips, the lips he knew so well. "How would we explain it?"

"The truth?"

"That might change time."

Jesse sighed. "I can't take this. I want to get out of here."

>From inside, he heard the cries of the others. Cries of shock and
terror. Of sadness. "It must be after the actual event because it happened
at about 10:15..."

"No, Jeremy. Maybe that's when you first heard about it at school but it
happened at 8:46 and 9:03. A psychic thinks that my cousin Jason was across
the street when the first tower went down and there was some kind of
explosion...but..."

"You went to a psychic?"

"My mom did. I was with her."

Jesse looked out of the kitchen area and his gaze was drawn to the mantle
over a fireplace. He saw his Young Artists Award from that April. "Jer..."
He looked at the TV. Jeremy popped his head above Jesse's. He leaned on his
lover's back as he did so. On the screen, only they could see a familiar
blue box flying between the Twin Towers. "You gotta be shittin me..."

He could see his family, friends, and band members consoling each
other. Jeremy remembered his family doing much the same. "It's about 3:50,"
Jeremy noted from the fancy clock on the white brick wall. The two of them
vanished with a pop not unlike that of the pops in THE TIME TUNNEL.

A brief fizzle and a pop and they appeared in a dark corridor. "I almost
hit my head," Jeremy said. The walls were white and black. And the ceilings
low.

"Now, where the fuck are we?"

"Some kind of futuristic city?"

"An alien one, maybe?"

Jesse waved his hand near a door.  "It was worth a..."  the door swung
upward with a very loud and scary sound, which made them both jump.

Jesse moved through it but before Jeremy could, the door swung down again
and shut. Jesse waved over it again. Another door opened up on Jeremy's
side and he gasped to Jesse, "Jesse, we must be on Skaro!"  A sucker came
moving at Jeremy. Followed by what appeared to be an ancient battle scarred
Dalek. It was blue with silvery bubbles and shorter than most Daleks he has
seen.

"Who are you? You are an intruder!"

Jeremy felt the sucker grab at his shirt, picking it up slightly, revealing
his tight abs. "If you insist..."  he grabbed the sucker shaft,
"... answering your own questions this interrogation isn't going to benefit
you one bit!"

"JEREMY!"  Jesse banged on the door. Another door opened behind him. A
deformed man in a wheelchair glided in at him. "Davros!"  Jesse vanished.

Jeremy vanished from the sucker, the sucker taking Jeremy's shirt off.

"Oh man, I'm freezing," Jeremy said as his surroundings became a cold icy
atmosphere. He looked around. Jesse was next to him.

"I like it," Jesse said.

"This ...this tomb?"

"No, the no shirt thing," Jesse pulled himself to Jeremy and rubbed his
sides to make him warm.

"We have to get...out of here," Jeremy said, "Before we freeze to death."
They saw huge stalls on multi levels rising upward.

"Where are we?"

"Another planet!"

"And without the Doctor..."

"I don't like this...it looks like...oh no."  Jesse noticed the huge stalls
begin to move. The casings behind the doorways were unfolding. Cybermen
began to unfold out of the plastic wrappings, the ice melting and their
limbs beginning to move again. Many began to smash out of the clear cell
doors, creating huge holes in them. "CYBERMEN! RUN!"  Jesse said.

"Halt or you will be destroyed!"  One came out and held a large cybergun.

"Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, we can't outrun them and climb up that ladder!"
Jesse ran but Jeremy ran behind him and grabbed him from behind. He stopped
him and they both put arms and hands up. They turned around slowly to find
a massive amount of Cybermen already lined up to face them. "I imagine you
have orders to convert us?"

"On the contrary," the metallic voice said, "We have no orders yet. We are
to destroy any humans we encounter at first..."

Jesse put his hands down, "Well, that's just not fair!"

"Keep your hands in the air," the Cyberman said. A Cyberleader, taller, and
with his brain exposed came marching up to them. "Cyberleader."

"These two have the smell of Doctor about them..."

"Thank you very much," Jesse snorted.

"Jesse, they mean business."

"No, really," Jesse put his hands down and moved up to the Cyberleader and
had to look up almost vertically 99 percent to face him, "If you were going
to kill us anyway, why did you have to tell us to halt or you would destroy
us...I mean is that fair, Jeremy?"

Jeremy nodded, "Not really. He does have a point there. I mean we were
going to keep running for the ladder and would have kept going if you were
going to kill us anyway."

"That's not really sporting," Jesse added. "Of you..."  he backed up as the
Cyberleader stepped toward him, arms raised.

"Perhaps they would make good Cybermen," the Leader said.

"He almost smiled at me, did you see that?"  Jesse turned to Jeremy, "He
almost smiled, he did, at me!"

"I do it all the time," Jeremy smiled at Jesse, "It's good to smile at
someone so good lookin."

"Well, then, don't smile at them."

Suddenly, they heard the Doctor's voice, "Hold on, Jesse, hold on, Jeremy,
K9's got me on Gallifrey. I'm repairing the Sumo clock..."

"Sumo? Is it fat?"

"No, but the Time Lord who made it was. Resembled one of your Earth Sumo
wrestlers, thus the nickname..."

"You mean like Doctor?"

"I do not!! Hang on, K9 got me to here, so I'm going to get you both to
there..."

The Cyberleader looked around and motioned to one of the Cybermen with a
gun. A blast fired from the Cybergun. Jeremy pushed Jesse out of the way
but both vanished. The blast hit the wall and exploded another chamber. A
burning Cyberman fell out, screaming and moaning at the same time...The
Cyberleader made a fist and punched the air in frustration...

"Did you fix it?"

"Almost but it vanished in time again. It's making the time mess on
Gallifrey spread out to us and the TARDIS and the rest of the universe..."

"Where are we now?"

"You're on the planet that first came into being. A planet as old as the
universe itself...I...oh. Oh, K9, can you be a doll or an action figure and
get them off THAT planet at once, please, boy?"

"Trying, Master."

"Your tone doesn't inspire confidence, Doctor," Jesse said as five large
stone angels surrounded him and Jeremy.

"Oh no, these are those Weeping Angel things aren't they!?"  Jeremy asked.

"Try to keep one eye open and one eye closed, like Amy did!"  The Doctor
gasped from his machinery. Around him the room was humming and turning
red. "The clock's gone mad! I think it's vanishing from Gallifrey!"

"It's not working!"  Jesse blinked one eye and then the next. "They're
seeing through it! Or makin' me."

The angels moved up on them but none of them had fangs bared. "Doctor!?"

"Yes?"

"They're..."

"What?"

"Hugging us."

"What? Ahh, oh yes, K9 in TARDIS, just dialed in the year you are in...it's
when they were exceptionally nice...in that time they are very sweet,
always were where they came from...I think..."

"Could have told us that first!"

Jesse and Jeremy were squeezed in the huddle of five statue aliens. Then
they vanished.




JAMES BOND theme from DOCTOR NO...

We see an alien casino. It is all plastic looking, wild colors, all red and
orange and yellow and green, purple, blue, aquamarine, sky blue, scarlet,
turquoise, violet, pink, ultra violet, neon, incandescent colors in
everything, the walls, chairs, furniture, the games, game booths, tables,
glasses, straws, doors, frames, wall sockets, wiring, windows, and
everything else you can think of. There are tables with smoke coming out of
them. Patrons include human looking beings but also monsters and aliens
including the monster/aliens from NEON MANIACS...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Neon_Maniacs_FilmPoster.jpeg

Also in the casino were all the aliens in the STAR WARS cantina sequence
including: Greedo, Wuther, a rat alien, a fly alien, a bat alien, two
walrus aliens, a devilish looking man with green skin and horns, long
teeth, pointed ears, and an evil looking smile ("Don't judge him by his
looks" the Doctor told the boys after all three of them appeared here), a
praying mantis alien, two snaggletooth aliens, large bulb headed musicians
playing the James Bond theme on tubas and violins, five ugly alien men, a
Wampa snow creatures, two mini Jawa hooded aliens, IG-88, robots, androids,
women wearing big neck pieces as in BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY, Trinto
Duapa, a female Jawa, a grasshopper alien, an alien who stuck his face into
a bowl like a fish, two Crocker aliens, Chewbacca, Yoda, a reptilian dog
faced alien in a spacesuit, a Ponda Baba, Dr. Evazan, Dannik Jerriko who
had a pipe he was smoking or breathing from or into, gas breathing aliens
in air masks, and more. Someone cried out, "I win! I got a supernova!"

Also there were: Vinovicci green spike faced aliens, Zocci, Uvodni in Satin
red, a Hath, A Graske, and a Judoon.

We hear a pop as a slender, beautiful blond angelic man takes a lid off a
plastic jar. "Oh, I'm out."  He, shirtless but with white angelic
wings. The Doctor is in a tux. The smooth skinned angel boy with perfect
abs, the Doctor, and a multitude of aliens from THE TWILIGHT ZONE and THE
OUTER LIMITS were playing a Galaxy Card game at a green table. Passerbys
and/or beings watching include a large Pigeon Lady, a giant Robin lady, and
other birds. Alfred Hitchcock's shadow appears on a wall.

The Doctor's voice, "Allow me."  He took a bag out from his jacket and
poured jelly babies into the jar.

"Oh, I do so like the touch..."  The red haired angel boy smiled at him.

He popped a jelly baby into his mouth. Pan on Doctor: He's in a full
tuxedo.

“I didn't catch your name."

"I didn't throw it. Doctor. The. Doctor."

"Harden Big."

"Named after your father perhaps?"  The Doctor looks up as the James Bond
music rises to a climax, "Who is playing that music?"

"Your hand sir," the dealer, a giant Easter Bunny man, said.

"I know it like the back of," the Doctor said. The black haired angel boy
(yes, his hair keeps changing color) turned the Doctor's palm over so the
Doctor could see his own knuckles. "Ahhh, yes."

A tourist group of midget monsters from THE CREEPS pass by. They are lead
by a midget Vampirella and include in their group: a three foot Dracula
with a beard, a tiny Frankenstein and versions of The Creature from the
Black Lagoon, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Bride of Frankenstein, and the
Hunchback of Notre Dame, who wears a green football jersey that says NOTRE
DAME on it.


Pan to a roulette table. We hear the boys:

Easter Bunny Dealer 2: Bet young men...bet on a player...  Jesse: Their
names? Who?  Jeremy: The First baseman.  Jesse: Look, all I’m
trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.  Jeremy: No,
what is on second base.  Jesse: I'm not asking you who’s on second.
Jeremy: Who’s on first!  Jesse: One base at a time! Listen,
what’s the guy’s name on first base?  Jeremy: NO, what is
on second.  Jesse: I'm not asking you who's on second.  Jeremy: Who's on
first!  Jesse: I don't know!  Jeremy: He's on third. We're not talking
about him. Unless you want to be on him.

The boys are also in tuxedos and playing a baseball roulette game which
combines baseball and roulette. Jeremy just hits Jesse's hands, spilling
some art deco chips onto the "bases" on the wheel, "Just put a bet down."

Jesse whispers, "Did we stall long enough?"

"Sure, sure," Jeremy smiled.

The Doctor was under his table.

The dealer asked, "Sir?"

Talking to himself.  "Like setting your clocks forward and back at the same
time. Bit tricky that." The Doctor had his sonic screwdriver out and was
using it on a huge clock that was stuck under the table, flat out on its
surface as if suctioned there. He looked ahead and saw the angel man's
entire dick was out of his ...well, what looked like baby diapers. "Cupid?"
The clock vanished from under the bottom of the table. The angel boy's dick
slit parted from itself. Something lurked within. Then, it came up. A
lurching, gyrating, spat of huge wad of cum at the Doctor. He opened his
mouth.

"Jelly, baby."  The Doctor sat up from under the table and looked at the
beautiful long haired angel boy, "You're perfect."  He smiled but vanished
around it. The Doctor's smile lingered a bit longer than he did and then,
it, too, vanished.

Jesse and Jeremy vanished. "You both won on I don't know," the dealer
looked up, "Where'd they go?"

Back in the TARDIS in the giant white control room, the first control room,
the Doctor rushed toward the console, "Got me back! You did it, K9!"

"Affirmative, Master!"

Jesse and Jeremy appeared at the door to the inner TARDIS. They
blinked. "Are we through being bounced around? Again?"

"NO use blaming me," the Doctor said, "Oh, I do so hate wearing these
things..."  With one hand he tore off the tuxedo, which opened at the front
and came ripping off on both sides. He tossed it to Jeremy, who caught it.

"What the? Another ability of your's that we've never heard about?"  Jesse
asked and got closer to the Doctor.

The Doctor had some cards in his hand, "No, it was a trick suit..."  he
tossed the cards to Jesse. "Next stop, Gallifrey!"  He pulled the levers
and the TARDIS shot out of a white void toward outer space and the orange
planet...  "Oh no, there's a stronger force field around Gallifrey! It's
going to destroy us! THIS CAN'T BE HOW IT ALL ENDS!"

Jesse gasped, "If we're going to die I just want to say this...around our
time it should be...based on my calcs, Easter 2007...Happy Easter you two!"

"And to you!" they both said.

"And to all of you at home, Happy Easter," K9 said, "Gallifrey...Happy
Easter..."

"Is that a code?"

"Breath in, boys!"

GIANT EXPLOSION!


Into...


Big Finish, the first Paul McGann theme (Charley) by David Arnold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo9CNs7kCYQ&feature=related




AND IN FUTURE EPISODES!

Boy wearing red boots with a white star far below his knee, a gold head
band with a red star on the crest, gold bracelets, a blue speedo with a
white star in the center, and on the back of the speedos was an American
flag color motif, jet black hair spiked a bit in the front with some
lighter blond streaks, tanned skin, smooth hairless body, no body fat, and
a winning smile with dimples, piercing blue...and carrying a golden lasso!

He ran across rooftops. Jesse, Jeremy and the Doctor watch from the ground.

Jesse: "Who's that?"

The boy jumps down head first, lands on his hands and comes spiraling head
over heels in a gymnastic moves of cartwheels.

"He's...welllll..."

Jesse: "What?"

"My son."

Jesse: "What?"

"Hello, dad!"  The boy smiles.

Jeremy: "How?"

"How'd you think?"

"I betcha you're gonna say you and Wonder Woman had a son, right?"  Jeremy
joked.

"As a matter of fact..."

"I thought you never had...a...you know..."

"A gurl?" The Doctor nodded, "Naw. It was a different time back
then...literally and a different space. She thought she'd never have
kids. I knew I wouldn't...any more...not with a gurl anyway...so she had
her eggs and I had me sperm...and we kinda just put them in a test tube
and..."

"Well La! Here I am!"  The boy smiled and had his thick muscular legs
spread apart.

"YOU knew Wonder Woman?"  Jesse asked, "The real Wonder Woman?"

"She's me mom."

Jesse: "Not you, him."

Wonder Woman stands over the Doctor and holds his back and gives him a lip
locking kiss.

Jeremy is hanging from a ladder that is about to fall off the wall of a
building. Above him, a werewolf in a Nazi uniform is growling and
laughing. It grabs the ladder. Jeremy yells, "Help! Wonder BOY!"

Wonder Boy is running toward the building. "Hold on, Jeremy, hold on!"


AND...




COMING SOON


The Doctor: (semi angry) Brigadier, why have you summoned me? Was it
because of the motorcycle monster thing?

Brigadier: No, I'd be if could sort that thing out. It's because there are
strange goings on at Montauk Point, on the East End of Long Island...

The Doctor: I know where Montauk is. I used to live here before I met Jesse
and Jeremy here, you know!  Doctor: You recognized me?  Brigadier: Always
have, always will.  It's basically still you inside.  Jesse: Inside of me,
usually.  Brig: So can you take on the motorcycle attacks and the Montauk
Project?  Doctor: One thing at a time Brigadier, one thing at a time..
Brig: That's never stopped you before...(Smiling) Doctor: Brigadier, it is
nice to see you again.


Brig: Doctor, you used to go gay bars?!!  Doctor: Gay clubs, Brigadier, use
the word clubs. I was trying to find myself again on Earth, stuck here
again...

A motorcycle with a rider with a helmet on, the face plate dark and
obscuring the face of the rider, flies through the air at Jim Clerk. The
big, gay muscle blond screams! The Doctor jumps in front of him and holds
up the sonic screwdriver.

Jeremy: Former friend of yours, Doctor?  Doctor: Not exactly.  Jeremy:
Don't like him. He wasn't very nice.  Jesse: And HE talks about no body
that way.

Brigadier: There are strange things going on on all over Long Island right
now, Doctor.  Doctor: I'll say, you should have seen the gay night life out
here. I think it's trying to become like one of us, well, like one of you.

The Doctor is in the console room.  Doctor: Hop on!  Jesse: What are
you....

The TARDIS suddenly changes into a first class motorcycle. The Doctor is in
the seat, starting it up.

Doctor: It worked. It finally worked. Since 1985 the chameleon circuits
hasn't worked properly. This is history.  Jesse: Doctor, Jeremy...  Doctor:
Yes, he's in danger! That thing will find out he's got Time Lord DNA in
him...  Jesse: Happens to us all the time. We've had that in us before...
Doctor: Yes, well, this time, it might know it's alien to Earth and as it's
looking for human DNA...  Jesse: Let's go already! (he presses the handle
power surge and they drive off, the Doctor falling back a bit)

Jesse: (as they drive along) : Hey where's K9?

The Doctor points to the seat under him.

Jesse startles, "Under your ass?"

"Inside the TARDIS..."

Jeremy is on a mini bike riding steps of a religious shrine area, Lady of
the Lourdes shrine, past bushes. The alien motorcyclists rides down steps
in front of him. "Who's chasing who?"  Jeremy falls off his bike as it tips
over. He turns around. The alien is there and pointing both hands at him!

Jeremy's nude and the monster motorcyclist jumps on him and turns him over
and begins to rape him! "AHHH! NO!"

A motorcycle gang leader points, "Hey, those two clowns have been touching
our bike's lights!"

A motorcycle gang comes at Jesse and the Doctor. The Doctor holds up the
sonic screwdriver, "See, it's just a screwdriver."

"They're gonna drive some screws into us!"  Jesse yells at they corner him
at a 7-11, "Doctor?!"

"Yes!?"

"The next time you decide to adapt biker's headlights to turn em into an
alien capturing ray, could you please let them know what you're doing in
detail BEFORE you do it, please?"

"I'll try!"

A big guy grabs Jesse up against a cement wall. Five surround the Doctor
and start to punch his sides and back.

Motorcycle leader: Why didn't you say that's what you wanted. Of course,
we'll help you! We knew Moe.  Doctor: Aren't you surprised that Moe was gay
and that there ACTUALLY ARE ALIENS?  Motorcycle leader: Not in the least,
what can we do to stop this crappy monster?

Jesse: Jeremy? Why're you worried about him? He can take care of himself.
Doctor: Yes, that's what worries me. We've got to find him...he's going to
try to pull the power unit off it...  Jesse: The helmet?  Doctor: Yes, the
helmet! Its power source! You see, Jeremy's the one that got away. Only he
can touch it and live...

Jesse runs at the motorcycle monster points his gloves at a crane and the
crane rushes at him. A ball from the crane comes smashing at him. The
Doctor is rushing at them in the TARDIS motorcycle but it changes back to
the Police Box. "Damn it! I knew it was too good to last! Well, here's
blocking!"  He puts the TARDIS between the wrecking ball and Jesse and the
TARDIS gets slammed. The ball hits it. The creature points at a bulldozer
and it rushes at Jesse, who runs but gets cornered at a junk pile in the
junkyard of cars. Behind the creature Jeremy reaches for the helmet.  The
TARDIS flies between the bulldozer and Jesse, Jesse runs, the TARDIS gets
bulldozed into the junk pile and junk cars fall all over it.

Jesse: Doctor, get the doors open and fly at me!

The TARDIS is covered with cars and old motorcycles.

The thing snarls at Jesse. Jeremy grabs the helmet off it from behind and
it turns around. Jeremy screams as it roars at him!  A hideous face of half
formed jaw and teeth, embryo like baby eyes and cheek, old wrinkled skin,
hair stuck to the head in a parody of a human being!

COMING SOON!  COMING SOON!


Doctor : Brigadier, did you say something about the East end? What's been
going on?

Brigadier: People have been vanishing off the streets. The homeless as well
as the homed,...

Jesse: Homos?

Brig: (shoots him a dirty look and angry at that somewhat) Old men and
women, children, teenagers...

Doctor: Oh, that's bad...

Brig: That's not all. Some of them, mostly the children and teenagers who
have homes, have been returned, with absolutely no knowledge that they were
ever gone or have ever lost time...There's also the acting up of animals,
deer crashing through people's living room windows, teenagers suddenly
attacking, molesting adults, vandalizing, as if somebody has turned on a
switch...but why?

Doctor: Because someone has turned on a switch...I'll...

Brig: I'm not done. There's more. Strange weather occurrences, freak
lightning and thunderstorms, again as if someone...well, you get the
idea...

Doc: And?

Brig: Reports of UFOs in the night skies, hairy giant monsters roaming the
woods...

Doc: Anything else?

Brig: (frowning) Things suddenly appearing and disappearing and reappearing
right in front of witnesses' eyes.

Doc: And?...

Brig: There's a good chance a shadow government may have been in charge of
all of it!

Doc: Just what we need.

Doctor: Alien technology. I think they've had some help. Some evil Time
Lord help.

Jesse: But who? Which one? The Master? The Monk? The RANI?

Jeremy: How come all these guys in this place recognize you, Doctor?

Doctor: (stops at a door with his name on it) Because, apparently, I've
been the big honcho around here at one time.

Jesse: You're the evil Time Lord that helped them achieve all this!


Jeremy is tied in a chair. A big energy monster electrifying controls comes
out of the tunnel right at him.

Jesse is flung into the future and comes out in a dark world. He sees a
statue dedicated to Hitler.

Doctor: You're messing with time and you can create all sorts of troubles
for yourself, the universe...and even time itself!

Jeremy in the chair vanishes along with an apple in his hand.

"You did this for them!"  Jesse yells.

Brig: Yes, Doctor, what is that all about??!!! I'd like an answer as well!

Doc: It was just after I first regenerated. They were able to easily
brainwash me, use me, and then make me forget it all.

The Doctor is in a punch fight with Mr. Finch in the TARDIS console room.

Finch: I'm stuck in this form thanks to you! But I'll have your TARDIS!

Doctor : I'll kill you first and die before I let that happen!

Finch: So be it!

The TARDIS doors open and they both fall out toward a number of suns
colliding.

Doctor: They saved me but not Finch. But returning me to Earth...

Doctor runs at the time tunnel, "Shut that down! Shut down the time tunnel!
You fools! That thing will come out of it again!"

Sarah Jane Smith: It was me. I destroyed Gallifrey. I let the invaders
in. I shut it down with K9 at my side. Where you weren't!

The Doctor stares at her...























DOCTOR WHO WILL RETURN AGAIN REALLY REALLY SOON! You won't have to wait
until November 15th 2008!


At an ancient phone exhibit, Jeremy and Jesse sit in Time Lord robes. Jesse
picks up the phone, "It works. Hey ever crank call a Time Lord?"

Jesse: (on phone): Hey, is Myassamacallitallpurplezitsthere?"

Old Time Lord: Hang on I'll check for Myass..."

Jeremy and Jesse laugh.

Jeremy: How did you regenerate?

Mr Finch and the Doctor battling in the TARDIS console room, exploding
console. The doors open and they both fall out into space as asteroids pass
by and ignite!

In the past: Jeremy: "You're Galahad?!"

Galahad: "You can call me Kid Galahad, for I'm just a kid."

Jesse: "Doctor!"

Jeremy: "It's a Black Knight!"

Doctor: "Not just that, it's a Black Knight with a black hole in it! A
Black Hole Knight or a Black Knight Hole!"

Jesse is pulled into a black hole on the Black Knight's chest. Lancelot
holds onto him but his feet go up and Lancelot is pulled with Jesse toward
the black hole.

"Oh yeah, you wanna see moves, I'll show you moves!"  The Doctor pilots the
TARDIS with open doors in front of the pulled Lance and Jesse and the two
fly into the TARDIS but...as doors close...

The TARDIS is pulled into a black hole. A cow passes by it. At the scanner,
the Dragon from Eragon snaps open it's jaws at them. Jesse flinches and
backs away, puts an arm up to protect himself.

Doctor: "Allow me to introduce King Arthur."

Jesse: "Sir Lancelot, I presume!"

Jesse: "Doctor, dragon!"

Doctor: "Run!"  (a dragon comes flying and the pair run from it and from
Knights of the Round Table)

"Draw!"  (in the Old West)

Doctor: "I will not draw."

Young gun slinger: "You killed my father!"

Jeremy looks at the Doctor.

Businessman and ranger: That thing has all the weapons in it we
need. (points to the TARDIS which is on a wagon).

Jeremy: "Jesse's inside the TARDIS and time's moving differently for him?"

Doctor: "Yeah, don't worry. He's safe."

TARDIS on the wagon is being hauled off by two fast moving horses. Jeremy
jumps between the horses from the platform.

Jeremy: "Doctor!"

The wagon is running straight at a covered wagon.

Long haired blond Robin of Loxley: "I'm Robin of the Hood."

Jeremy: "Robin Hood!"

Long haired brunette Robin: "I'm Robin of the Hood!"

Doctor: "Hoods!"

Jeremy says, "Gosh, two Robin Hoods. Will you help us rescue Jesse from
King John?"

Blond Robin: "Only if he shoots an apple off your head..."

Brunette Robin: I want you to shoot an apple off your friend's head...

Doctor: Posh, that's easy...

"Blindfolded..."

The Doctor pulls the arrow across the bow. He's blindfolded by Little
John. Jeremy blinks, looks scared.

"William Tell taught me how to do this, but not for a few good number of
years yet..."

King John (to Jesse): Robin has his Maid Marion and all his men, I want my
own Maid Marion.

Jesse: What's that to do with me?

King John: You will be my Maid Marion...

Jesse: Why it is always me?

Jeremy: You're just too pretty.

Jeremy: What's that?"

Doctor: I think it's Godzilla! C'mon run!

Jesse: So we're in a parallel Earth in the same time where Godzilla, Gamera
and Gorgo and all the rest are real?

Doctor: Now you've got it. Come on help me with this! I don't think I can
do it. I don't think I can recalibrate all the UNIT trucks without help...

Jesse: Help from whom?"

Doctor: Me. I think I need all of my other selves, hey if the Time Lords
could do it, and they're not around any more so why can't I?

Jesse: You sound like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

Doctor: Nice girl, she was.

TARDIS appears. A Chinese Doctor walks out (Jackie Chan): I am the Doctor,
I will help you.

Another Doctor comes to them (Jet Li). "It's my old enemy, Rodak!"  He's on
the UFO fighter SID where Rodak has set up a secret base.

Rodak: The giant monsters I have control of this time will destroy the
entire Earth!

Bessie drives up to a UNIT truck. The Brigadier comes out. The Third Doctor
jumps out of the car, "Hello, Lethbridge Steward! Say hello the Brigadier,
Jo."

Jo Grant: Hi!

Brig: Doctor! Is there anything I can do?

Third Doctor: Reverse the polarity of the Neutron Flow.

Second Doctor: "Now Jamie! When I say run run!"

Fifth Doctor: Focus, we have to focus. Brave heart!

Fourth Doctor: That's a great big whomping lizard!

Sarah: Doctor, stop acting childish.

Fourth Doctor: What's the point of being 479 if I can't act childish!
Besides, I wasn't acting childish, was I? Me?

Jeremy whispers something in Adric's ear.

Doctor: No, Jeremy, you can't do that!

Jeremy: Already done.

Sixth Doctor looking at himself in the reflection of a truck gun set up,
"Oh, this is still the best face...me ever had."

Jesse: Doctor, we're black and white, what's with that?"

"Run!"  A rhedosaur destroys a lighthouse.

Doctor: We're in some black and white universe where the monsters or Ray
Harryhausen movies are alive!

An octopus pulls down San Franciso bridge. UFO flying saucers attack
Washington DC's monuments.

TARDIS leaves but when they exit on a beach, a giant Cyclops and blue
dragon fight each other close by.

Doctor: We're still in the same universe...RUN!

"I'm Sinbad."

Jesse: And a fucking hunk too.

"My name's Jason. I have found the Golden Fleece but need your help in
getting it back to Greece."

Doctor "We're in another universe. In this universe, particles allow you
Earthlings to be like superheroes!"

Jesse is in a yellow cape, yellow speedo, yellow boots and a yellow eye
mask, nothing more. "I get my energy from the sunlight. I am Dayoman!"

Jeremy: More like Gay-o-man."

Jesse: Huh?

Doctor: "17th Century Japan...I have some loose ends to take care of
here..."

The trio run from Samurai warriors only to run into some more. They are
caught between the two warring parties.

Aoi: (look of evil on face and raising sword above Jeremy and Jesse) your
new friends, Doctor, will you care for them as well as you did for me?"

Doctor: NO!

Doctor: "I have to find out if he's possessed by the energy or not and
there's only one way for me to do that."

Jesse: "To make love to him?"

Doctor: Yes.

Jeremy: You can't! He'll kill you!

Aoi: Prepare to die, Doctor!

Doctor: Love kills...

Doctor: Tiny aliens on the Titanic are trying to find their miniature ship
inside a safe...if they don't find it, the whole world could end in your
time...

Doctor: This thing, this separatist Auton, is at a wedding...

Jeremy: My cousin's...

Doctor: I don't do weddings...


Jesse: Tough, you're going...

Jeremy: Doctor, it seems assimilated into our culture...do you have to kill
it?

Doctor points a laser rifle at the human Auton, "I must..."

Auton: Doctor, I beg you, spare my life!

In alternate Ancient Greece: Doctor: May I introduce Xena, Warrior
Princess...

Xena: My son's back, or rather returned or rather come here from another
universe to take revenge on what he thinks is his bad mother...

Solan: Fight or die...

Jeremy: Then I will fight...

Solan: And kill...

In Ancient Rome: Dressed in flimsy gladiator gear with spikes on neck
collar, Jeremy: "Jesse, be careful, that's Caligula..."

Jesse: Yeah and we're gladiators ... (Jeremy jumps between gladiator boys
and Jesse, who's been knocked down)

Jeremy is outnumbered. Adam comes jumping into the arena.

Jeremy: Adam, you're back!

Adam: Hello, Jeremy...nice outfit...

Caligula: (to a nude Jesse): I want you to have me...

Doctor: He's mad..or is he? Possessed by some alien force that got to him
when he prayed to it...

Jeremy: He thinks he's a god...

Doctor: If what I think is going on...he's right, he is...

Caligula: I shall kill the Doctor before you all and bring him back to
life... (in a theatre)

Present day Grand Canyon, Doctor: This is 2008 and this is my old friend
Kiko McGree Redwing. He's a doctor...

Jesse: Oh no, not another one...

Kiko: No, I'm a former traveling companion of the Doctor, not a Doctor. A
medical doctor... Doctor, I think those bat things are back...

Doctor: Oh no, not the Roptera...maybe the Menoptera can help us again!

Maine: Butterfly beings fly by--the Doctor waves at them and smiles.

Bat monster men attack Jesse and Jeremy at a wooden cabin in the woods. The
Sixth Doctor comes out and uses a device to make them leave, a sonic sound
gun. "I knew you'd need my help."

Jeremy: Sure did.

Doctor: Did not.

Jesse: Did too, now thank the man in the Throw Up coat...

Doctor: We have to leave, right now!

Jesse: Why? I like it here.

Doctor: We're in Sodom of Sodom and Gomarrah...

Jesse: oh.

Jeremy: Don't forget to not look back...

Huge explosion! TARDIS seems to turn to salt.

Doctor: we're on a planet of giants...

Valerie: Really? Why didn't you tell us that?

Doctor: And my TARDIS has been driven away on the back of a truck...not
that that hasn't happened before...only not as garbage...

Jesse: Well, shoulda nicked a new one while we were on Gallifrey...

Jeremy: You're gonna leave those seven people and their dog stuck on that
land of giants?

Doctor: I have to. I can't interfere with history and it's vital that they
remain there.

A cat and dog fight over Jeremy, Jesse, and the Doctor.

Doctor: I have a mission for you two.

Jesse: What is it?

Doctor: Get the two girls, Bodicca's daughters to leave with you.

Jeremy and Jesse: Yuck.

Jesse: And what're you gonna do?

Doctor: try to stop their mom from killing herself...

Bodicca attacks the Doctor with a sword. The Doctor points the sonic
screwdriver at the sword. It melts.

"Let me die honorably!"

"No such thing!"


Set to the Fourth Season promo music, on the soundtrack to season 3 it is
the music that is on Track 19 (from Utopia)

K9: It's the Master, Master. He's in this mall (Jeremy, Jesse, and the
Doctor race through a mall)

Doctor: You're in love?

Nick Hoult Master: You are, why can't I be?

Jeremy: Sir Lancelot?

Galahad: I'm Sir Galahad!

Jesse: Dragon!!!!!

Eragon: Saphira.

Jeremy: A Black Knight!

Doctor: It's a black hole.

Jesse: A black hole Knight... (it starts to suck him in) It's suckin me
off! I mean it's pulling me! (it sucks him and the TARDIS in)

Doctor: Allow me to introduce Xena Warrior Princess

Solan: I'm Xena's son and I'm gonna kill you...now! (Jeremy looks at his
sword)

Adam: That is Caligula.

Caligula: Welcome to my domain...my heaven. Now, fight as
gladiators... (Jesse and Jeremy and Adam are dressed in S and M gladiator
gear)

The Nick Hoult Master: I am known universally at the Master and you...you
love me?

Teddy Geiger: I think...I do.

Jeremy: Doctor!

Cowboy: Draw!

Gunslinger: In that blue box is our shipment of guns! Open it!

Jeremy: Jesse's trapped inside the TARDIS on a slower time loop!?

Doctor: Now you've got the situation well in hand. (TARDIS on an American
West horse drawn carriage headed toward another)

Jesse: The Doctor's people have all been destroyed.

Jeremy: Robin Hood!

Robin: Shoot the apple off your friend's head.

Doctor: No problem

Jeremy: Oh yeah? (close right eye as he watches the arrow fire at him!)

Doctor: Now listen, I NEED you two to take Bodicca's daughters on a date.

Jeremy: What?

Jesse: What?

Leela: What?

Jeremy: Run! (a large prehistoric alien dino is overhead)

Brigadier: That thing is killing people on Long Island.

Doctor: SO is something military mind you!

Jesse: RUN!

Jeremy: No not this time. If we run, they're gonna catch us, it's no use,
if we stay they might be less...violent.

Jesse: They raped us!

Large tall 8 foot lean muscle male, "We're ancient and forever..."

Jeremy: Let me get this straight, you're native Indian...indigenous people
and you're killing, fighting another tribe?

Indian: that is correct...and you are god

Jeremy: (hands up) I know when I'm licked...

Jesse: I ...uh...I can vouch for that.

Doctor: This is where I lived just before I met you two...that one, he
wasn't very, shall we say nice to me.

(Jeremy sneaks up behind the motorcycle monster man who had a skull head,
he reaches for the helmet it has on)

(A motorcycle flies through the air for a gay man who was once mean to the
Doctor, the Doctor jumps in front of him)

Doctor: His plan? Spread Time Lord DNA over all of London, maybe the world,
and make new Time Lords.

Jesse: Isn't that good?

Doctor: no, they'll mutate.

(Master and Doctor battling on a rising platform on a huge balloon overhead
that makes them rise)

Jeremy: Monster!

Jesse: Oh damn, run, right?

Jeremy: Right, RUN!

Doctor: (amazed) the whole planet runs on street racing....

Jesse: Street racing killed my cousin and his family, a little baby among
them. I'm gonna stop this planet if I can!

Pirate: You will be our new cabin boy (Points to Jeremy with a sword)

Boy: They kill the old cabin boy...that's me (he pulls a knife and grabs
Jeremy from behind and holds knife at Jeremy's neck)

Mulder: My name's Fox Mulder but you should know that if you're my
Doctor...

Doctor: Oh, I'm your Doctor, you should know that, I'm here to get you out
of this hospital...

Doctor: Sorry Ash, but I just couldn't let you kill Sing. Oh, I believe in
Happy Endings!!!

Billy Drayton: Dad! Look! (Tardis comes at the SUV of survivors from the
Mist, Mrs. Drayton is at the open door) It's mom!

Doctor: Don't shoot that boy!

UNIT starts flame throwers at monsters.

Doctor: That thing my dear man, is a parasite from the center of the earth.

Man: In the toilet?

Doctor: The loo!

Vlad: I'm known as Vlad, the Impaler...

Jesse: And Count Dracula...

Vlad: Only to my enemies...so you may call me Count Dracula

Jesse: Is he trying to tell me something? Are you trying to tell me
something?

Doctor: Gilles de Rais, my fifth self or rather his companions once met
that madman...

Jesse: And now the Master's gone back to warn that serial killer who's
about to get caught...

Doctor: It does look that way...

Jeremy: the 1997 World Series, haaaa, that's my style...

Jesse: So's Hanson, who're singing the anthem...

Doctor: His name is Jonathan Brandis, isn't it?

Lucas: Yes, my alter self...he hung himself...

Jesse: That's the...THE Taj Ma Hall?

Doctor: Yep

Jeremy: And...there's a thing from the beginning of time...

Doctor: Before the beginning of time...actually..

Jesse: And it's gonna...

Doctor: Kill all of us or control us.

Jeremy: And we...

Doctor: Have to stop it, of course...

(The three running from the Taj Ma Hall, tentacles coming out of it after
them)

(A Menoptera comes flying over head)

Kroton: We are at war.

Doctor: I demand to know with whom!

Quark: With the Dominators!

Abby: My name's Abby Hoffman.

Jim: Jimmy Hendrix.

Jackie: Welcome to Moonbase Alpha, Doctor...

Will: I'm Will Robinson and this is Barry Lockridge.

Jeremy: Why's the Moon completely deserted?

Iron Age woman: Someone or something is poisoning our water at the bottom
of the hill...

Alien: That missile is heading toward us, fired by another civilization...

Doctor: This means that there's people living in the missile...how do I
stop it now?

Jesse: (smiling) You'll find a way!

Jeremy: You always do!

Doctor: No, not the Middle Ages this time. It's 2006 and it's called Darkon
and there's been a murder here...

(Strange alien light energies move at Jesse; Jeremy finds a blood sea;
Doctor walks on laser tracks in outer space)

(a light tentacles comes at Jeremy; balls of light move at Jesse)

Devon: Welcome to Earth 2 as they call it.

Doctor: I can get you to New Pacifica.

Devon: Gaal, him again!

Gaal: My new allies (monsters from Seaquest season 2)

Jesse: Doctor you've done it again. You got the TARDIS stuck in the Great
Wall of China during this paranoid guy's reign of terror...

Jeremy: Jesse...

Jesse: He's behind me isn't he?

A boy: I'm King Tut.

Jesse: His sister is going to murder him.

Jeremy: Your sister is going to murder you.

Tut: Oh, I know that.

Jeremy: Godzilla!

Jesse: the blob!

Doctor: Aoi is a 16 year old Samurai that I forgot about.

Jesse: You forgot about ?!!!

Doctor: Yeah and now he's infected with alien somethings and to get rid of
them I have to have sex with him.

Jesse: He'll kill you.

Aoi: (eyes glowing) he's right, I will. We will!

Doctor: It's just something I have to do. To correct. (moves at Aoi)

Doctor: Majin! It's come to life!

Jesse: (sighs) Does that mean run?

Doctor: the Wishing Arch in Ireland, it's cursed...

Jesse: Doctor? He's an Auton, living a life. He's at his cousin's
wedding...can't we just...

Doctor: NO!

Jeremy: Leave him alone!

Mu: Welcome to the lost undersea Mu! (Jeremy, Jesse, Doctor diving
underwater, sharks, octopus, squid)

Doctor: We have to leave at once and not look back...

Jeremy: Why?

Doctor: We're in Sodom of Sodom and Gomorrah...

Jesse: Pass the salt...

Doctor: Look at those!

Jesse: Ice cream mountains!

(A smoking fog, the Doctor walks out of it, his outline is that of his past
selves, 1st, 2nd, 4th, 8th, 6th, 9th, etc)

Jeremy: C'mere I wanna fuck you!

Jesse: I wanna have sex with you right now and here!

Doctor: Will you both just do me, right now?