Date: Sat, 28 Dec 2013 13:29:18 -0500 (EST)
From: J
Subject: Doctor Who, Jesse and Jeremy 135

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Pan down and across the transduction barrier blue box to the sandy dirt
floor across to the silver robot dog K9 Mark III and to the black boots and
up the leg to Sarah Jane Smith...standing quietly, simmering...across pan
to the First Doctor staring at her, staring her down, tilting his head down
and up...steady gaze.


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V5T_RR4Frak/Ta4FcSQ1fzI/AAAAAAAACVE/bWtAZrhi6Fs/s1600/Elisabeth+Sladen+-+Doctor+Who+-+Five+Doctors.jpg


Rocketing to Space The Old Fashioned Way


"You never came back for me..."  Sarah said to him, indignant.

"I should have known K9 would know how to do this. But...this cannot be the
Sarah Jane Smith I know," the Doctor waved his cane at her and put the end
down, back in the dirt, almost drawing a line for her to cross.

"The Time Lords. They're the ones who separated us. Them and their stupid
rules."

"Oh, my dear girl, my dear Sarah..."  The First Doctor moved at her.

"Come no closer..."  Sarah said. "I know all your tricks."

"Tricks? I don't do tricks. I just want you to know that there was never
any chance of a romantic liaison between you and I, my silly old girl."

"I expect you think I'm silly for so many reasons, don't you?"

"I do not. It was me who was silly."

"OH, the it's not you, it's me speech."

"No, my precious precious friend. You and I, we were only good friends. The
very best of friends. My best friend."

"Negative," K9 spat. "Best friend is this K9 unit."

"Oh, I adore you, K9. But Sarah, my Sarah, the real Sarah knew that. The
one from my universe."

"What do you mean?"  Sarah's resolve cracked.

The Doctor sniffed her. "I know you're not from the universe where my Earth
is...where my Sarah Jane's Earth is and you're not my Sarah Jane. This is
Gallifrey all right but the Daleks brought you here, hmmm?"

"Yes, they did. They told me they were good now and that the Time Lords
were...that they were corrupting the universe..."

"And you believed them?"

"They showed me movies..."  Sarah looked down. "How could I have been so
stupid."

"Sarah," the Doctor took her arm and put his arm under it. "I can never
have a relationship, sexually with any woman...I'm ...I'm not that way."

"You mean you're alien."

"That too but no, not because of that. Because, I'm gay."

Sarah looked at him. "You're..."  she studied his face. "Lying?"

"I am most assuredly not."

"Gay?"  She said and wanted to laugh.  "I blamed Time Lords for separating
you and I."

The Doctor moved his free arm up and down. "That whole event was... was
really the Master who thought so much of Sarah Jane Smith from my world
that he needed her not to come along. He thought that I if I had a
companion such as she, she'd stop me from falling for his muck. And he was
right but this...for you to fall for this...you've been responsible for the
death of millions here..."

"I...I..."

"And the Daleks took you from a universe not my own. From their universe. "

"Then I'm not your Sarah?"

"No. I'm afraid not. And this is not my K9."

"Affirmative."

Sarah turned to the robot dog. "What? You knew?"

"Negative. Data fits what the Master Doctor is now saying."

"The Master knew you'd be too good for me."

"But he's a maniac, what's he know."  Sarah looked down. "All those
people..."

"I might be able to undo some of it...if you can help me. Where are the
force field back ups? Do they know? Do you know?"

"There's a space station where only this Time Lord that they're having
tortured is. They want him to deactivate the force fields so they can
rearrange it to stop it all at once. Only he knows the codes and he created
the entire base. These Time Lords also have another Dalek that seems
opposed to them, a Cyberman, a Zygon, and a Wirn, too."

"Oh no. They must be what got me into this mess. There are good Daleks,
good Cybermen, good Zygons, and yes, even good Wirn in the future. They
wanted me to save their comrades that were drawn here by mistake...into
their past..."

"But the Daleks told me that the Time Lords were holding them and are about
to torture them. That that's what turned them against the Daleks. The ones
that say they're good. Are they lying about all that, too?"

"I think only partially. I think there were Time Lords who wanted
power. There is a legend of Time Lords who built a space station...hid it
for many, many billions of years. That the real force fields are around
Gallifrey and that this area is just a back up. That when the Vardans and
Sontarans invaded the last time, the Time Lords that were splinter groups
gathered together to put it into a back up plan. We've never had to rely on
the back up fields. No one dared invade Gallifrey. Now it seems no one is
doing anything but... tell me, are the Daleks on the station now?"

"I don't know. I do know they think the Time Lords are there and that
they're torturing this other Time Lord for the codes. And that the Time
Lords have those four prisoners..."

"Sarah, how did you get here?"

Sarah took out five travel disks. "One for me, one for K9, one for you and
your two friends. I was supposed to convince you to come with me."

The Doctor chuckled. "However were you to do that feat?"

"I don't know. Doctor. I...I am sorry."

"I can send you both to your universe using this one. But you have to will
it to be so. It will work on your mind's desire to return to your own Earth
in your own universe."

"I want to stay and help."

"The best way is for you and this K9 to go. The un-stability of the time
mess is worse with both of you here."

The Doctor held out his shaking hand. It was shaking from old age but also
from nervousness. Sarah Jane in his universe was one of his oldest and
dearest friends. He trusted his Sarah implicitly. Would reason be enough to
sway this bitter Sarah from another universe to help him? One that already
caused so many deaths? She hesitated. "My Sarah. My Sarah Jane. My, my."
The First Doctor smiled. "My Sarah would never have waited for me. She
would have married, got on with her own life, not taken my excuses for not
visiting...but I did, you know. I did visit from time to time. Left her a
gift."

"Yes, in my attic or rather my Aunt's attic."

"I didn't know where you were staying, did I? But I did know where you'd
end up. In that Moreton Harewood, that cute boy Brendan and all that."

"You did.."  She wondered about what he just said about Brendon,
"....cute?"

"Long story. Short of it is uhm, gay now."

"Gay? Makes me a bit of a fool. But from what you just said I am
guessing...you did check up on me?"

"Of course, my dear. Of course, I also saw you during the business with the
Death Zone...the first time I was there..."

"Death Zone? What are you talking about?"

"I'm guessing you were NOT involved in that in your universe. You, my
Sarah, saw my 5th persona. In your world, it wasn't you. Hee heee. Perhaps
it was someone else. Romana the First or maybe Josephine Grant?"

"Doctor, I loved you. I waited for you."

The First Doctor dropped his hand and turned from her. "You shouldn't
have. You bitter, old woman! You should have done what my Sarah did. Got on
with her life. Raise her own children. Not wait for a stupid, silly man who
was only just a good, good friend and nothing more."

"I'm going to..."  in anger, Sarah turned to the machinery. She
hesitated. "K9..."

"Mistress?"

"Stand down," Sarah said. She smiled and gave the Doctor the disks, putting
them in his hand, lifting the bony thing to her.

He took her hand in his other hand and covered it. He shook it, warmly and
pressed his lips together. "Good girl, good girl."  He puts his head next
her own, "You may not be my Sarah, nor that the real K9, or you going back
to real Earth..."

"You're making me feel bad."

"Well, my girl, you are, in a way, a mass murderer...but you showed some
merit in taking my side now, hmmm, wouldn't you say?"  He turned the disk
and opened it. He took out his sonic screwdriver and worked on it. He put
the screwdriver back and closed the disk. He repeated it with a second
disk.  "This will take you back to your own universe, my dear. So don't
worry, don't worry at all."  Sarah took it and put one on K9's nose and it
stuck there.

Sarah asked, "Ready K9?"

"Affirmative, Mistress."

"Doctor, I truly am sorry."  Sarah said as her body slowly vanished.  K9
also vanished.

"Sorry," the Doctor muttered to himself.  "You're sorry. That makes it all
better. Sorry. She's sorry."  He looked at the machinery. "This will hold
for a bit over most of the planet. Now, then, where will I be going first?
What on Earth was I doing? Or should I be asking ---or what on Gallifrey
was I doing?"  He laughed a bit maniacally. He caught himself and shook his
head and returned as fast as he could to Rodan who directed him to where
Roman, Jesse and Jeremy were outside the TARDIS.  "Tell me girls, why
haven't you gone inside where it's safety first and looked for objects to
aid and abet us? Huh, can you answer that, can you?"

Roman sighed, "Doctor, yes. We can. We cannot get into TARDIS."

"The Daleks have put a forcefield around it."  Jeremy explained.

The Doctor stuck his cane out and a sizzle effect hit the end of it.  "And
lethal!"  In front of the TARDIS, he paced up and down a few times.
"Genius, they're genius."

"Will you please stop complimenting the Daleks?"  Jesse stamped his foot.

"They use their brains, my boy, their brains. They knew they couldn't get
into it after last time and past experience told them they could not
destroy it so they held it with a force field...which couldn't be held off
by their... I mean MY own force field. My own is inside theirs. That's just
utter genius. They're aren't many of us geniuses left, you know. "

"I think I can get into it."  Roman admitted.

"You do?"  The Doctor asked.

"I do."  Roman put his nose in the air.

"Have you got a screwdriver?"  The Doctor asked her.

"I do!"  Roman smiled and took out his own sonic screwdriver.

The Doctor took it and compared it to his own, "Yours is bigger."  He put
Roman's back in his pocket and handed his own to Roman.

"Doctor?"  Roman chided.

The Doctor took Roman's out and gave it back to him while taking his own
from Roman's hand. "Oh very well, very well. Botheration, nothing but
botheration. Toil and botheration, botheration!"

"Uh, what are those?" Roman asked.

The Doctor held up three disks, "These will get me to the space station
where we might be able to rebarrier Gallifrey, send the Daleks back to
their own universe, and close the hole for good."

"What? What hole? I'm not closing my hole for good," Jesse joked.

"This isn't a joke, Jesse," Jeremy warned.

"While you stay here and try to remove the force field, these will get me
to the platform."  As he held them out, Jesse and Jeremy each snatched one
from his hand.  "I never."  He turned to Roman, "Keep at it, boy. We'll
need the TARDIS at the space station..."

"And you can't wait, why?"  Roman stuck his head out to the Doctor and
waved some of his black hair back with a hand.

"Because my girl, the Daleks are going to come through any second! I must
go!"

"Ready!"  Jeremy took the Doctor's arm over his own. Jesse was on his other
side.

"I don't remember inviting you two!"

Jeremy smiled. "Uhm, you didn't. But here we are."

"Well," Jesse began. "I'm sticking with you Doctor. Every time I let you
out of my sight you go stepping into trouble."

"I hope you don't mind being left."  The Doctor waved to Roman.

"Someone with some know how..."  Roman paraded it at Jesse's face. Jesse
stuck his tongue at her. "...has to get into the old boy. It has to be
me. And besides, I won't be alone for long. K9's inside and he'll help
me. I can't wait to see him again...it's been a long time..."

"He has all the mental pasts of the other K9s and more...so he will
recognize you..."

"Like that with a dick and all?"  Jesse asked.

"Rodan is here and she...he'll help me if I need it."  Roman said and began
working on the force field using the screwdriver. "But I won't."

"Confident, isn't he?"  Jesse mocked.

"He has a right to be," The Doctor moaned. "NOW can we go?"

"Good luck, Doctor," Roman stopped his work and looked the Doctor's way.

"Have a jelly baby, Roman!"  The Doctor threw Roman the bag of jelly
babies.

Roman takes one out, "Jelly babies! You still..."  she ate one and looked
up.  "Thank you..."  the Doctor, Jeremy, and Jesse were gone.  Then, the
Doctor alone, reappeared, "Don't take too long. We'll...or rather my young
lovers will need a way off the station if things don't pan out!"  The
Doctor vanished again, the long flowing white hair vanishing last. The cane
just before.  "Thank you. Cause you'll be...no. No, I have to remain calm
and work on the TARDIS."


A creaking metallic room. Rust on the hinges of the walls. Bolts too tight
and too loose were in some of those walls. There was a huge window on one
side of the room. The room was on a huge platform. Outside the window were
many things but mostly the huge orange planet Gallifrey turning below, two
suns behind it, one large and golden red but further out. There was also a
giant space station further out in space. A ring system circled the planet
and two moons that were visible. Beyond all of it was a velvet backdrop of
space, littered with stars. Some dull, some bright. The sound of the
appearing Doctor cut the air waves and the shimmering molecules of the
First Doctor finally coalesced into his form. "I dislike disk travel in
economy style. Daleks! Leave it to them."

In front of the Doctor, Jesse appeared in front of the Doctor. "Ahh,
Doctor..."  He started to take a step forward but vanished again. The
Doctor blinked.

To the left of the Doctor, Jesse appeared again. "Are you coming or going?
Or going or coming? Make up your mind, dear boy!"

The Doctor looked at a series of old rocket ships. He took out his sonic
screwdriver and opened the door to one of them. "These must be...this
cannot be...the space station. This looks like a hunk of antiquated junk
left over from relics' time. Not used by my people any longer. Space travel
in rockets like this...outmoded...my dear..."

"I feel like a protein breakfast...slightly scrambled."

"Pffsssttt."

Jesse tapped the Doctor on the back as the Doctor leaned over a small two
man rocket, then turned back to a larger Flash Gordon rocket ship that was
shaped like an ice cream cone with a pointed nose. "Eh, Doctor...?"

"Yes, dear boy?"  The Doctor opened an auto fold out ladder that went up to
the rocket ship.

"I can see your busy but what about..."

"Jeremy?"

"Hey! Up here! This is great! I loved that!"

"That'll be Jeremy," the Doctor laughed.

"Tingly feeling. Let's do that again!"  Jeremy was on top of the rocket
ship and jumped down to meet them. "That was exhilarating."

Jesse looked at his disk. "I didn't really like it. Felt as though my atoms
would never make it back in one piece, being whizzed across space like
that..."

The Doctor turned from going up the ramp. "Nonsense my dear boy. Don't be
ridiculous. This is a perfectly acceptable method of travel. Very compact
and very neat, sir, if I may say so myself."  He tapped Jesse's from ahead
of Jesse. "The principal is much the same as that of the Ship. Except it
enables you to cross space but not time. You only have to twist the dial
once."

"I got that," Jesse moaned.

As the Doctor puttered around inside the spaceship, Jeremy looked around
outside. He peered over the rim of the two man craft. "Doc, this can't be
the space station of the Time Lords, can it? Are we lost in time again?"

Jeremy looked around. "Even I can tell that this antiquated place is not
the space station."

"It is very low tech, innit?" asked Jesse.

"Yeah, less George Lucas and more...?"

"Gerry Anderson?"

"No, not that," Jeremy said, "More Buck Rogers and not the Gil Gerard Buck
Rogers, you know Twiki and all that, more Buster Crabbe Buck Rogers."

"It kinda looks like a dick, you know?"  Jesse pointed at the same time the
Doctor appeared at the doorway. Jesse brought down the finger. "Not you,
that so-called ship."

"No, it's not flyable."  The Doctor put his hands on his lapels and stepped
down the ladder. He looked at the three man craft that was next to the two
man craft.  "This one, however is."

"Why can't we just use the disks again?"  Jeremy asked.

"Because they seem to be out of power and my ultra sonic screwdriver
doesn't do the job on it any longer. Using them could result in a
major...shall we say, problem."

"Such as?"

"DEATH!"  The Doctor stooped over the smaller craft again and held the
sonic to it. The top bubble opened at the front, attached to the back.

Jesse leaned over the small rocket.  "You don't expect to fly that, do
you?"

"Why ever not, my lover?"  The First Doctor chuckled.

Jesse complained, "I wish you'd stop saying that in that body."

The Doctor asked, "Whatever for, dear boy?"

"It just feels, I dunno creepy."

Jeremy put an elbow on Jesse's shoulder. "Are we talking about the age old
rocket ship XM or the Doctor calling us lovers?"

"Both!"  Jesse turned Jeremy's elbow off his shoulder. He put himself into
the Doctor's line of vision. "If you think I'm going to travel across space
in one of those primitive pieces of..."

"Jesse, just get in de old rocket ship," Jeremy commanded.

"...you're very much mistaken."  Jesse complained, "You don't think I'm
getting in that rickety old Flash Gordon firecracker propelled rocket do
you?"

Jeremy leaned in on him and breathed on his neck.  "We're gonna need you. I
need you."

"Oh, for the love of Pete."  Jesse stepped over the edge of the side and
sat down. "Small. Tight. Unsafe. Like a carnival fair ride."

The Doctor sat in the front. Jeremy sat in a seat in the back and Jesse was
in the middle, sitting behind the Doctor. They had to sit down with their
legs bent straight out. The rocket had a bubble that closed over them and
it wasn't very large.  The Doctor started up the rocket and it blasted into
power with what sounded like little explosions and firecrackers.

"See what I said? Firecrackers! It runs on firecrackers or that or little
squirrels running on treadmills like in the Little Rascals."

"Jesse..."

"We are so doomed."

"Jesse, stop," Jeremy moaned.

"Doors open."  The Doctor hit a switch. "Air field held in. Ship enclosed."

"What's that?"  Jesse asked as the door side of the dock opened. It opened
onto space.

"Those are the doors my dear boy, the doors to another world..."

Jeremy had to yell to be heard over the din the ship was making.  "Don't
start that again..."

"These are the direction finders, the mini astrogator. That there is the
propulsion system. Overhead is the thrusters. That is the fuel
rectum-fier...and that is a seat you are sitting in..."

Jesse rolled his eyes as the Doctor continued.

"That is a panda in a chair...the scanner is over there. Sheer poetry my
boy, sheer poetry. Now do stop bothering me..."

The Doctor took the ship upward. For a moment, all three of them thought
the rocket ship, a mini version of the larger dick shaped one was stuck in
the air just above the metal floor. It sort of hovered there and shook a
bit, vibrating with ferocity. Then, the ship moved backward before starting
in a forward motion, firecracker sparks coming out the back. The ship
literally buzzed and headed for the open doorway and into space
outside. Outside, the buzzing sound from the tiny thing was like a bee
returning from or in this case, exiting from a giant nest of activity only
this time, the activity was long gone. From the clear overhead covering,
the trio could view the station ahead of them, the small docking platform
behind them. On the outer rim of the platform were other ships: Spindrift,
the Jupiter 2, The Flying Sub, an Moon base Eagle, an UFO, the Enterprise
Shuttle. Jesse looked, "I'm finding this most exhilarating."

"Shut up," the other two said in tandem.

Jesse laughed.

The rocket hummed and whizzed and left the platform behind it. It shook
slightly in a flight path toward the much larger space station. The giant
space station looked like a large circle with two smaller circles, one on
top of it and one on the bottom of it. There were three rings around the
large circle. Four rings around the lower. In the middle circle and around
it was a huge rectangular piece that was built embedded into it and
sticking out of the sides. The whole thing resembled a giant snowman upside
down and right side up without legs but wearing a giant sideways
refrigerator. "Rodan was able to take down the invisibility fields!"  The
Doctor sounded happy.

"What do we do now?"  Jeremy asked.

"Head straight for it!"

"Terrific."  Jesse rolled his eyes.


Suddenly, the rocket was gripped sideways by some invisible giant hand. The
nearly turned sideways.  "What was that?"  Jesse asked.

The Doctor checked some readings on his sonic screwdriver screen. "I think
it...it's the recall signal sent by the good Cybermen, good Daleks,
etc...It...it's sucking...us!"

"I take it that means not in a good way!"  Jesse quipped.

"Exactly, my lover!"

"Not again!"  The Doctor gasped. "It's sucking us into the vortex!"

Suddenly, the trio became very skinny. "Doctor, I'm almost falling out of
my clothes!"  Jesse screamed. "Normally, I wouldn't complain about that!"

"The vortex and the black hole are aligning themselves. It must be the work
of the Daleks! They're ingenious!"

Next, the rocket ship seemed to fight back. "Give it more power!"  Jeremy
suggested.

"I am but that might..."  The Doctor grew fat. Behind him, the seat could
not hold Jesse, who was huge. His body looked like it was in a funhouse
mirror.

"Did I say carnival ride? More like a funhouse of mirrors!"  Jesse gasped
through fat cheeks.

Jeremy thought his chair was going to break under his weight. "The laws of
physics, Doctor, they're...they're breaking!"

"I think I can get us away from it!"  The widened First Doctor held up the
sonic and turned it on. Then, he pointed it at the steering wheel. Their
bodies went back to normal which for Jesse and Jeremy was HOT. The ship
buzzed away from the black hole and the vortex which was flying into the
black hole itself. The two crossed each other so that one was in the
other. "With that...with that...it won't be long...long before they're on
that station!"

As the Doctor flew the ship, vibrations shook it. They nearly rolled over
again. The Doctor gripped the wheel again. With both hands. He had put the
sonic screwdriver away. Then...he closed his eyes. And slept. The ship
seemed to dive at the bottom of the space station.

"Doc, wake up! Fucking wake up!"  Jesse yelled.

"What's happening now?"  Jeremy screamed above the dim.

"He fucking fell asleep! Hey, old man, should I open the windows and let
some wind blow in on you so you don't?"

The Doctor was about to respond to that when... "That made me...made me..."

"Mad? Well, yeah, should I put some loud music on, dope face?"

"No, quite the contrary?"

"What some John Smith and the Common Men or the Beatles maybe?"

"You did it again, Jesse. Your...your insults made me...made me feel quite
good. I'm more awake..."  His eyes closed again. Then, he opened them. "Our
encounter with the hole and ..."

"I do wish you'd stop talking about holes ...in that body..."  Jeremy
interrupted.

"...it can leave a Time Lord that's as old as I and in a constant state
of..."

"Decay?"  Jesse asked.

"...degeneration..."  the Doctor strongly corrected.  "...can leave us...me
only really in a state more unstable...I'm going to lose it very soon."

Jeremy wondered. "Your temper?"

"Me mind."  He almost feel asleep again.  "Jeremy! Jesse! You must
stimulate this...these...my synapses. Otherwise I'll lose my concentration
and we shall crash, won't we?"

"How, Doctor?"  Jeremy yelled.

"Jesse gave me the idea."

Jesse straightened up and pulled at his own collar, proud.

"Insult me! That'll bring me round, yes, insult me. The best ones you've
got!"

"Insult him?"  Jesse asked.

"Yeah, we have to! Or he'll not be able to fly this ship!"

"Kinda like the TARDIS!"

"That's a good one. That'll do for a start!"  The Doctor laughed, "Oh, good
one."

"Meant it," Jesse added.

"More! Need more, my lovers!"  The Doctor winced and the rocket threatened
to roll on its side.

"You're not as good as a broken clock cause'n' that at least tells time
correctly twice a day.

"Heard that one before!"

"You're so old that when you were born, God hadn't created the universe
yet."

"No, no, that's true, I need something that's more insulting..."

"You...you...you're old!"  Jesse snaps.

"Really, Jesse? Really? Old?"  Jeremy almost hit Jesse from behind. "Old?
That's all you got?"

"Oh, so you thought you were straight, did you?"  Jesse asked, "Even
spaghetti is until it gets warmed up."

"Oh, good one!"  Jeremy laughed. "Hey, hey, I've got one. Your hand's so
ugly, that even Captain Jack wouldn't play with it if it were in a jar."

The Doctor's eyes widened. Jesse turned fully around to look at Jeremy and
stare. Then, turn back again.

"You, Doc, you're so useless, even K9 calls you the Tin Dog."

"Hey, Doc, the Master might have had a beard but what'didcha have, Jo
Grant? Mike Yates? Kinda obvious, Captain Obvious."

"Better."  Jesse shrugged with just his left shoulder.

"Hey Doctor, even the Kinda kinda didn't like you."

"Oh weee, that's working. It is," the Doctor snapped. "I can feel myself
getting better. Rejuvenated. Younger. Keep it up!"

"Oh, yeah, cause keeping it up is easy around someone as sexy as a 79 year
old Time Lord."

"Jer, that was really good."

"Thanks."

"Keep it cumming."  The Doctor was not amused.

"Yeah, cause you can't!"  Jesse laughed so hard, he had to shut his eyes.

"Your mama is so..."

"No. No mama jokes..."

"Sorry."

"Doctor, not even the TARDIS can translate your stupidity."

"Doc, even after all these regenerations, you're still stupid. It's your
most outstanding feature. Find a name that fits that instead of
Doctor. Cause you need a head Doctor."

"And head," the Doctor added.

"I think since his degeneration, he's become decidedly immature. Again!"

"You have the mouth of a prattling jackanapes and your eyes...they don't
tell a different story!"

"You craven hearted spineless poltroon!"

"You're a perfect example of the inverse ratio between the size of the
mouth and the size of the brain!"

"Doc, I heard you were a smart fella but really you're just a fart
smeller!"

Jesse turned around again to look at Jeremy for that one. He shook his
head.

"You, sir, are a long shanked knave with a mighty nose!"

"Chicken brained biological disaster!"

"You know that wheezing, groaning noise the TARDIS makes? That's just her
reaction to having to listen to everything you ever said."

"I bet you wanna tongue kiss the Monoids cause your one ambition in life is
to get balls in your mouth."  Jesse thought about that for a second while
Jeremy threw the next insult up. "Actually, that's my ambition."

"Hey, Doc, the real underwater menace is when we sleep in the same bed as
you cause you usually can't make it to the bathroom!"

Jesse made an O mouth. "Hooo, low blow."

"Hey, Doc, when you sun bath on Aridius I bet you don't take your clothes
off so you don't scare away the local plant life!"

Jesse whispered, "What? What does that even mean?"

The Doctor was laughing at it however.

"I bet even Babs finds that attractive!"  Jeremy added.

"Bet you thought Cretan Jazz was in the record shops!"

"You so hard up, I betcha you'd try to blow a creature in a pit."

The Doctor laughed, shut his eyes, and winced at laughing. He shook his
head, "Yes, I did. I did!"  He took his hands off the steering wheel to
clap them but realized this was not a good thing to do when the ship
vibrated violently so he put them back on the wheel and hoped the two boys
didn't notice that move.

"The only pussy you've ever seen is Wolsey."

"The only dick you've ever gotten is when your companion told you his name
was Dick. Yes, Dick."

"Voice? Yes, you've got it. Sounds like a cross between Demi Moore, Jaclyn
Smith, and Brenda Vaccaro."

The Doctor nodded "No."  "Who are they?"

"When we heard about the Silence, we'd hoped it would be a disease that
would make you shut your mouth."

"Looking at your hair makes me think you'd look better as a Sontaran."

"Ray Charles could steer the TARDIS better than you."

"He did, he did!"  The Doctor laughed.

Jesse turned to Jeremy, who shrugged. "Who knew?"

"If Abbott and Costello were stuck on Mars and had to find their way back
to Earth, they'd find it faster than you. And don't tell me they did."

"Not without some help."

"Too bad you're not a Silence, cause I really want to forget you!"

"Hey Doctor, for your next regeneration maybe you should come back as a
cockroach, it'd be an improvement!"

The Doctor started to say something like, "Actually cockroaches are
indelibly resilient crea..."

Both Jeremy and Jesse yelled, "SHUT UP!"

"Doc, you're really sexy...for a Time Lord! I mean you're not old, not
mentally disabled, and you are fast on your feet and quick thinking, with a
sexy body...oh wait, that was several degenerations ago... "  Jeremy
stopped.

Jeremy tried again, "Oh, ho, oh. You know where they got the name Nuthutch
from?"

"No, where?"  The Doctor chuckled.

"From you. You were just sitting there doing nothing on a shelf and they
thought you were a nut. Get it?"

"Yes," the Doctor frowned. "That one was a set back."

"Oh."

"Well, keep tiring and trying, my boy, the effort counts for something."

Jesse shook his head.  He thought Jeremy was fairly bad at this.  "How do
you separate the Time Lord men from the Time Lord boys?"  Jesse, after a
beat, "With a crow bar!"

"Knock-knock!"  Jeremy shouted.

Jesse protested, "Really? A knock-knock joke? Really?"

"Knock-knock!"  Jeremy insisted.

"Who's there?"  Jesse said without enthusiasm.

"NO, he's not! He's lost his mind!"  Jeremy laughed.  "No, he's not. He's
lost his mind. Geddid?"

"I get it. It's just not funny," Jesse complained.

"Yes it is, it's working, boys!"  The First Doctor became a younger version
of the Hartnell Doctor. In other words, of himself. His hair was darker and
shorter. His face less wrinkled. He had a happier countenance. He sat up in
a more firm manner. The ship flew at the space station.  The black hole was
above it spinning. Inside, there were Dalek saucers. "They cannot come
through," said the Doctor. "The force fields are holding them back...we
have to keep it that way...Will you quit poking me, my boy?"

"What makes you think it's me?"  Jesse asked him.  "Hey, Doc, we're makin a
complete circle."

"Yes, the station is designed to take us into itself," the Doctor nodded,
"I've noticed that immediately. No need to worry , my boy, no need at
all. It's all set on automatically. Auto on we shall be drawn to a nearby
door..."

"What if there is no door?"  Jesse pointed.

The ship flew at the space station. "We're gonna crash!"  Jeremy
gasped. Outside the wall of the space station came closer and closer at
them, filling the entire area ahead.

"What is that poking?"  The Doctor almost took his hand away from the
steering mechanism but decided not to for as he did the ship rolled to the
other side slightly.

"Poking?"  Jeremy warned, "Forget that! We're gonna crash and burn!"

"We are not gonna crash, as you so put it, my tall one. Observe."  the
Doctor pointed as the space station had a huge door flap open up and the
small rocket flew inside. "No need for your hysterics."  The door closed
again and the air began filling the room. The ship bumped to a
landing. Jesse leaned forward slightly as they hit ground. The firecracker
sound and the humming din of the engines died as the engines cooled and
stopped. The Doctor turned the ship off and the lack of sound was calming.

"Even though we've landed, I still feel that poking!"  The Doctor took his
hand from between his back and Jesse's crotch.

"Sorry," Jesse apologized. His dick was out of his pants and up against the
Doctor's back.

"That's disgusting, my dear boy, disgusting indeed."

"Sorry, Doc."

"Do more."

"Can we get out with some alacrity and stealth please?"  Jeremy pushed a
square button and the clear canopy opened up backward, attached to the back
of the rocket body. "We do know that there are enemies here. They could be
renegade Time Lords or even some of the others that already invaded having
landed here first."

"True, true, Jerfitz."  The Doctor put his hand out for Jeremy to help him
down.

Jesse stood from the seat and put his hand out, laughingly, mocking Jeremy,
"Jerfitz."

Jeremy withdrew his hand to NOT help Jesse down. Jesse almost fell, dropped
his smile and followed anyway, holding the edge and jumping over the
side. At the bottom, The Doctor turned to Jeremy, "Shhh, we're hunting
...well I don't know what we're hunting..."

"Doctor..."

"Yes, my love..."

"You've done it again."

"What made a blunder?"

"No, changed."

"Have I?"

Jeremy fished into the Doctor's near bottomless pockets on a his black
formal wedding suit. "Look at yourself..."  He took out a mirror and showed
the Doctor.

The Ralph Fiennes Doctor.
http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/movie/maid_manhattan/07.jpeg

"Oh, so I..."  For a moment, the image of the Ralph Fiennes Doctor changed
into the Hartnell Doctor. "Oh me oh my. I don't see what..."  Then, the
smug Hartnell face changed in the mirror back to the Ralph Fiennes
Doctor. "Noble brow. A firm gaze. Or is that a clear gaze. A firm mouth. Or
a noble mouth. A face beaming with vast intelligence..."

Jesse pushed in between the two of them. "I'm not complaining. Let's see if
the..."  he touched the sides of the Doctor's back and turned him around
and touched other places and then the arms. "The muscles are a bit
tight...and wow..."

"That's the spot," the Doctor shut his eyes, turned back to Jesse who felt
up the dick.

"You two. We've got work to do."  Jeremy chastised.  "Have you done with
this?"

"Put it down, put it down," the Doctor said.  "Fantastic hair."  Jeremy put
the mirror back into the Doctor's pocket.

"But I thought the First one was the First one. I mean I thought the last
one you were was the first one."  Jeremy shook himself from his confusion.

"It was. It is. It had been. Things change, renew. It seems..."  he said as
he walked to an opening door and hid by the side of it. The two boys fell
in behind him, hiding. "...that I was some Other Other before my first
Doctor."

"So are you the Doctor or aren't ya?"  Jesse asked.

"I am," the Doctor smiled at him. Jesse gulped. Jeremy gulped. The Doctor
had his face not far from Jesse's. At 6 feet, he was almost as tall as
Jeremy but a bit taller than Jesse, who swooned and was left standing there
when the Doctor moved into the vast room ahead of them. Jeremy slapped
Jesse's shoulder and arm and moved past him, too. Jesse stood with eyes
closed and lips extended.

"Hey, wait for me..."  Jesse ran behind Jeremy.

Jeremy whispered, "You do realize he looks like that guy from Maid in
Manhattan..."

"Who cares?"  Jesse shrugged. "Look at him. It an improvement over the last
six or so..."

"I can hear you. My ears have improved with de-age."

Jeremy asked, "Doesn't this mean that you're closer to death then? I hate
to bring that up but...how many more of you are there?"

"I have no idea. I've lost count..."  the lead them to another exit from
this storage room. "Jesse, check those smaller closets there. See if there
are any weapons we can use against...Sontarans..."  the Doctor whispered
this last order.

Jeremy joined him at the door, "Sontar...why?"  He held the Doctor's back.

"Look."

"Fuck! Damon!"  Jeremy gasped as low as he could.

"I'd have fucked him if I thought he was a viable candidate for preg...oh,
that is him, isn't it?"  The Doctor looked into the new room ahead. It was
some kind of observatory windowed room. A giant window was off to the right
side and outside it they could see hanging in space, the vortex inside the
black hole and the Dalek saucers sitting inside it.

"Why don't they just fire on the station or why didn't they just fire on us
in the rocket ship, come to think of it?"  Jeremy asked.

"They're smart not to."  The Doctor gazed up at the hole. "The forces
inside the black hole could wind up and it could wind up that their own
rays will be reflected or refracted or something else twisted onto
themselves. Like I said, genius."

In the room, strung up at yet another doorway to a smaller area room was
Damon. He was naked and his feet were tied to posts in the floor and his
hands tied to the top of the doorway. He was strung out and his curly head
was lopping down in pain. Two Sontaran warriors were there. One was putting
a pain stick to Damon's navel and torturing him. "The codes."

Damon gasped. "After all, this...all this time...do you really think now
I'd give them to you?"

"You must or you will perish."  The closer Sontaran told him. "It is
nothing personal..."

"Oh no," Damon was sarcastic in his answer.

"He looks hot," the Doctor turned and told Jeremy.

Jeremy frowned. "You do mean Damon don't you?"

"Yes."

"We have to help him."  Jeremy said a bit too loud.

The Doctor turned and waved his hand at him and turned back. "Shhh. What do
you want me to do throw me A levels at it?"  The Doctor saw Jeremy's look
of frustration and exasperation.  So he added, "We will. I just have to
figure out how..."

Jesse returned with two giant hammers. He noticed the Sontarans, "Damon?
And those unspeakable abominations?"

Jeremy nodded to the hammers, "What've you found?"

"I think these must have belonged to Chris Hemsworth."

The Doctor shrugged, not getting the reference.

"You know, Thor?"

"As a matter of fact, I do know Thor. And I can tell you with great
reliability that these do not belong to Thor."

Not wanting to be bothered to explain, Jesse frowned, "Oh I'll go look for
some more weapons..."

The Doctor looked at the hammers. "Oh, he meant played Thor in a
movie. Like that father bloke on Good Luck, Charlie."

The Doctor noticed Jeremy shaking his head "yes."

Dropping his smile, the Doctor handed a hammer to Jeremy.  "Ready?"

"To attack Sontarans?"

"Yes, boyo."

"Always."


On Gallifrey, Roman called to the TARDIS. "K9, I don't know if you can hear
me. But the Dalek forcefield is building from energy from the TARDIS force
field. Turn off the TARDIS forcefield, K9."

K9, the white sleek version was hovering in the control room. "Mistress. I
cannot hear you. This unit detects the energy supplying the Dalek force
field is the TARDIS force field. Therefore I shall turn the TARDIS force
field off."

"Oh, K9 I wish you could hear me. They think of everything these Daleks."
Roman called. Her sonic screwdriver beeped. "That's something."  He looked
at it again, "No, that's the lot. Everything. That's everything. Good boy,
K9!"  He held up the sonic screwdriver to the force field. Rodan came
behind him, towering over his smaller frame.

"Have you retrieved penetration?"

Roman turned to make a face at him. "Yes, I think so."

"With the TARDIS?"  Rodan put his hands on Roman's shoulders.

"Yes."  Roman made the fields go down. "Wel'la."  He took the key from
around his neck.  "You give the metal dog inside..."

"Oh, yes, I remember him."

"...the coordinates to the space station..."

"That is classified."  Rodan followed Roman into the TARDIS "lobby"
darkened interface between the outside world and the TARDIS console room.

"Just do it," Roman frustrated. They plunged inside as the doors were
opened. "K9! It's so nice to see you again!"

"Mistress!"  K9 hovered over her and she flung her arms around him. K9 made
some coo-ing sounds. "Salutations and greetings."

Rodan started to say something, "Isn't that him, the robot..."

Roman put his hand up, "Shh...wait."

"Mistress, of the most urgency. This unit has detected the presence of
another K9 unit. Not another of his incarnations. But a one version that
has evil designs..."

"Haven't we all had incarnations like that?"

"Mistress, it seems to have gone."


"We're way ahead of you, K9. We've dealt with it. It's okay now."

K9 put his head down. Rodan ran to the console.

"No need to sulk. You were busy in here, guarding the TARDIS from
Daleks..."

K9's head lifted again.

Rodan put the coordinates into the TARDIS console. "Done, Romana."

"Good, good, thank you, Rodan."

"This unit is also familiar with you. Thank you, Space Traffic
Controller. I think."

"Oh, it is me, metal dog. K9, is it?"

"Thought you were not a Time Lady."

"I was a lady. I think. But I also thought I was not a Time Lady. I believe
they kept me in hiding so to speak. Even from myself. A Time Lord incognito
in case they needed some on the run. Never told me. They could have. I am
good at keeping secrets."

Roman at the console was working. He lifted his head and straightened his
glasses on his nose. "Oh, yes, I'm sure."

"That secret sect of Time Lords."

"Faction Paradox?"

"Maybe. I'll have to find out. I have to get back to my post..."

"Yes, you go. We're going to the space station to help the others. And
Rodan..."  Roman turned to him as he moved to the doors. "Thank you."

Rodan bowed. "Anything for a hot boy. I'll work from there to help the
Doctor's machinations."

"Thank you."  Roman stated.  "K9, its very ready for you."

K9 landed and rolled to the console with his old sounds of locomotion. From
his nose came a long rod. It entered the TARDIS. The sound of
dematerialization started. Roman listened. "Sounds different to me."

"Mistress. The outside top lamp needs adjusting. This capsule will not
leave until that is accomplished."

"Is it out again? Hasn't happened in 300 years..."

"Has now."

"I'll just pop out and nip a new one into it. Do you know where the spares
are?"

"Closet, first left, second right, third door on the door on the left, go
straight ahead, under the stairs, past the bins, fifth door on the
left. Hurry, please, Mistress."

"I'll find it."  Roman left. In no time, he did and left the TARDIS doors
to go outside to the exterior. "That's odd. The sign keeps
changing. Officer and car available is now officers and cars. And there is
the St John's logo back again. Odd. Like everything to do with the Doctor."
He took out a small step ladder and started to climb it. Suddenly, the two
doors swung closed form the inside. The ladder moved forward into air as
the TARDIS's bulk slowly vanished into thin air. The ladder fell into the
empty space and Roman hopped off it. The sounds of the vanishing were the
old style sounds...from the early era of the Hartnell Doctor and the
Troughton Doctor.

Roman saw the blue box start to appear again. "K9, K9! What's happening?!"

"You're the noblest of them all."  K9 called out from the speakers.  "I
will miss you, savage."

"Savage me? Come back here and say that!"  Roman banged on the doors but
could see that they were not solid again. The ship was dematerializing
again. "JUST COME BACK! You can't do this to me! K9! Come back!"  His
glasses fell off into the space where the TARDIS was last standing in front
of him. He tried to lean his head on it as he banged. Empty air.



Jesse ran into a large dark closet. Suddenly, he heard a strange hum that
he never heard before. But the image that appeared was very recognizable to
him. "Oh, the TARDIS!"  The doors opened outward and K9 flew out. "K9! I'm
so glad to see you again!"  He hugged the white robot dog.

"My sensors are equally glad to see you, too Mr. McCartney."

"Thanks. Do you know what any of these are?"

"Broken."

"Broken."

"A Venusian Shang Whore's perigosto stick."

"Oh."  Jesse examined it and felt its weight in his hands. "Oh. I always
wanted one of these. When we're done, put it in the TARDIS, will you, good
boy?"

"Affirmative."

"This one? Gun?"

"Hair dryer."

"And this...looks like Peter Pan's."

"Plays pan pipe muzak."

"Really?" Jesse took it and played a few notes.

K9 whispered, "Reminding Young Master of the need for lowest of volumes."

"I do so miss me music."

"You shall get back to it, Master Jesse."

"Think so?"

"If any of us survive this."

"Oh, thanks."  Jesse held up a great big gun. "What about this then?"

"Great big laser gun. Almost a cannon, Master."

"Well? Will it work?"

"This unit needs to examine it further."  K9 flew to the gun and put a
probe to it from his nose. "It will need a few adjustments and a recharge."

"Let's get started on it then. I'm sick of this hiding and running and
running and hiding shit."

"Affirmative, Master."

"Where's Roman?"

"Safe where he belongs."

"Ahh, gotcha. Doctor's orders?"

"Yes, Master."

"Just like him, then. Bet Romano's gonna pissed next time we see him."

"Pissed does not compute."

"Now," the Doctor whispered to Jeremy. Damon's eyes caught them first and
the Doctor nodded "no" so that Damon's gaze wouldn't draw the attention of
the two Sontarans. But it was too late.  They turned when they saw Damon's
glance.

The Second Sontaran, the one furthest from Damon's strung up chiseled body,
turned and pointed a pain stick at Jeremy before Jeremy could hit the back
of the neck. "A fair attempt!"

"Fair this fucker!"  Jeremy struck the pain stick and it fell.

"Ahh, a worthy human opponent. Didn't think they existed. Fortunately for
me, I don't need weapons to knead your windpipe!"  The Sontaran raised a
hand and started choking Jeremy against a side wall that lead to the
smaller room via a huge opening.

"Good word play!"  Jeremy choked. He put both hands on the Sontaran's
wrist.

The other Sontaran, the one closer to Damon, turned and hit the Doctor's
arm, making him drop the hammer. It grabbed at the Doctor's shoulders but
the Doctor rose up on his weight and struck at him with his feet. Hitting
the chest, drove the Sontaran back, away from Damon but then the thing
counteracted and grabbed the Doctor. Damon's penis grew at this
violence. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. He kicked up at the Sontaran again
but it flung him away from it and the Doctor was thrown into the other
room. The other room had even more machinery, in fact, all the walls were
covered with devices. The Doctor threw himself at one and grabbed a
lever. "Let them go. Both of them.:

"Hold!"  The First Sontaran waved at the Second and the Second eased his
grip on Jeremy's neck. Jeremy's eyes opened. He felt he could breathe
again. "Or?"  The First directed this to the Doctor.

"Or..."  the Ralph Doctor was bent over the machine but turned sideways to
the others. "I'll turn you both into little itty bitty shitty clone boys."

"You are bluffing. I shall destroy you first. Then, that tall misfit..."

"Who you calling misfit, potato head?"  Jeremy choked out.

"Kill them and I'll never give you the codes!"  Damon eeked out.

"You shant anyhow. Commendably. But not good for your continued survival,
nor your two would be rescuers!"  The Sontaran voice was gruff, low and
demanding.

"It always sound like you got marbles in your throat ..."  the Doctor
noticed.

Jeremy shook his head yes. And winced in pain as the Second gripped tighter
again.

"...to equal the ones in your pea Bronto sized brain..."  The Doctor winked
at Jeremy and Damon.

"These insults are the stuff of children..."

"Funny you should say that...maybe you'll enjoy them more as children."
The Doctor pulled a lever. "I did warn you both!"

A glow hit the Sontarans. Jeremy felt the hand around him, the three
fingered hand, was getting smaller. The wrists he was holding were
definitely getting smaller.

Damon yelled, "Doctor, let's hope these clones HAD childhood."

"Look like they did!"  The Doctor stood up straight.

The child Sontaran, the first one, stamped a foot, "What is this
indignity!?"

The one near Jeremy was even smaller. The potato head was Jeremy's hip. It
ran for the pain stick. Jeremy yelled, "Oh no, you don't!" He dove at the
thing and grabbed the ankles and tripped it up. The thing turned in
Jeremy's grasp and a Dalek eye stalk came out of its forehead. Jeremy let
go. He rolled onto his back and yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! What's
happening?!"

"They've been taken over by Daleks!"  The Doctor yelled. "The Daleks,
they're already here!"

The child First Sontaran had a Dalek stalk come out of his forehead, too.
"Analysis correct! You are the Doctor. You shall come away from that device
or be exterminated! As for your colleague..."

The Doctor yelled, "Lover!"

The child Sontaran snapped as it crawled over Jeremy's body, "Exterminate!"

Jeremy watched, horrified, as the baby Sontaran-Dalek crawled at him, over
his chest!

Next Episode: FINALE ABOVE GALLIFREY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lorLcuNU7Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPJ6GMXM3E

Dr. Who...William Hartnell
The Other/Dr. Who...Ralph Fiennes
Jesse...Jesse McCartney
Jeremy..Jeremy Sumpter
Old K9...John Leeson
Newest K9...John Leeson
Sarah Jane Smith...Elizabeth Sladen
Romano/Roman...Logan Lerman
Rodan...Jay Rodan
Sontarans...Dan Starkey, Kevin Lindsay

Special Effects by the Visual Effects Dept of the BBC

Title Music by Ron Grainer with the BBC Radiophonic Workshop (guitar
strings and all)

Incidental Music...many including Norman Kay, John Williams (from Lost In
Space), Franx Waxman(from Invisible Ray and Bride of Frankenstein), Karl
Hajos (from Werewolf of London), Paul Sawtell,

Story Editor...I

Set Designer...J

Associate Producer...T

Producer...V

Directed by Waris Hussein—the way he wants it to be (gay, that is!)

"We'll that was scary enough. I have to get out from behind the sofa. We'll
be back next week but right now on BBC 1 join a look at the making of this
controversial series and episode, soon to be called parts instead of
episodes, as Doctor Who, Jesse and Jeremy Confidential starts...right
now..."

Disclaimer abridged from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (read in that
voice on screen): "Time Lords should be treated gently and not insulted as
Jesse and Jeremy did to the Doctor in this episode...the Doctor is not
typical of Time Lords. Most of the other Time Lords if insulted in this way
would react in a most unkind manner, probably stasering you to death with a
very loud ray gun. So don't it at home, okay?"

Extra: an alternate title was made up for this episode when the writer
forgot he already made up a title: JOURNEY ACROSS THE BLACK VOID


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