From: Joe Jones <jonesboy@worldnet.att.net>
Subject: A DIFFERENT Friends Story - Joey & Chandler
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 1996 17:04:41 -0800

What follows is a fictional work about fictional characters engaged in
sexual activity.

If, by circumstance of age, location worldview (or any combination of
the above) you are forbidden from reading such material PLEASE STOP NOW
-- THIS IS NOT FOR YOU.

On the other hand, if you are of legal age and appropriate disposition,
read on...


FRIENDS: JOEY and CHANDLER, by Joe Jones

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"Joey is gonna' butt-fuck Chandler..."
 --- Matt LeBlanc (Joey), on what to expect in the 1996-97 season of
Friends.

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Chandler, as usual, wasn't getting any.  It had been a long time, maybe
six months, since he'd gotten laid.  Hell, who was he kidding?  More
like 8 months.  And one week.  And three days.  To make matters worse,
Joey was setting some kind of world record in sex, bringing someone home
almost every night of the week.  Sometimes one girl for a while, more
often different ones.  The wall separating their bedrooms was
mercilessly thin, and Chandler could hear every giggle and groan on the
other side, every yelp when Joey slid his big dick into his date, every
orgasmic howl, groan and squeal.  He could swear, sometimes, lying there
jerking off his own dick, that he could hear the squishy sounds of
fucking, the hot and fast breath of Joey and his date.  So masturbating
while listening to your roommate screw his girl wasn't exactly
dignified, but Chandler was beginning to feel that this was as close to
actual sex as he was going to get any time soon.  He started to feel
like he was having sex with them, sort of a three-way --- yeah, if you
just think of the wall between them as a sort of really big plaster
condom.

If he carried the idea of being a participant through, Chandler was
actually the only constant in Joey's sex life.  The girls came and went,
but Joey was always there, and so was Chandler.  After all this time
Chandler probably knew more about Joey's sex habits than anyone else ---
he could always tell when Joey was going to cum, for example, by the
speed of his groaning, by the same "oh baby yeah, oh baby yeah" every
time.  And of course Chandler had seen Joey naked any number of times,
stepping out of the shower with his horse cock hanging out.  *Jesus,*
Chandler had said, the first time he saw it, *put that away before you
poke someone's eye out.*  Joey just replied *Huh?*

For awhile after that Chandler secretly nicknamed Joey Dumbo - as much
for his lack of brains as his elephant-trunk like dick.

Chandler slid his fist up and down his erection a few times, and thrust
his hips forward slightly.  It felt good enough, but damn, something was
missing.  With Joey out for the night, Chandler faced jerking off
without the familiar sounds from the other side of the wall.  Of course
jerking off was always something he did alone, but he'd gotten
accustomed to the sounds, and where he was once annoyed he now felt a
craving for the voices, for the deep timbre of Joey and the higher pitch
of *oh baby yeah*.  Chandler wet his middle finger in his mouth and slid
it down to his asshole, which he circled and then slid the tip in, up to
the first, and then second joint of his finger.  He sighed lightly,
surprised at how good his finger felt in his ass, better even than he
remembered.  He had always wanted one of his girlfriends to penetrate
his asshole but never had the nerve to ask.  The girls he went out with
were always such prudes anyway.  What would they have used, he
wondered.  A dildo?  A cucumber?  The idea made his cock bounce up and
down against his flat belly.  It had been a while since he'd gotten into
any serious assplay, especially with Joey around all the time.  But he
remembered a few times when it seemed there was no end of what he could
put up his hole, and the incredible orgasms he'd had then.

Chandler hopped out of bed and walked into the kitchen.  The
refrigerator was pretty empty, as usual.  There were a few beers, but
the idea of putting a glass object up his ass made Chandler wince.  He
couldn't stop thinking of broken glass, and the scene at the emergency
room.  Still, there had to be something.  He was going to go nuts if he
didn't have something stuffed into him soon.  Just as he was wondering
where he could buy a dildo at this time of the night, he spotted the
brown paper bag.  In it were the zucchinis that Joey's dad had brought
him awhile ago.  Chandler ripped the bag open and looked them over,
muttering like Goldilocks *too big, too little, too soft, too hard* and
then *just right...yes!*  His legs almost trembled and his asshole
tightened with expectation.  But Chandler wasn't done yet --- he'd need
some lube.  He rummaged around the bathroom, but found nothing.  Maybe
Monica or Rachel would have some hand lotion or something, or...no, of
course: Chandler lived with a registered sex machine.  Joey would have
to have some lube!

Zucchini in hand Chandler entered Joey's room, careful not to trip on
the clothes lying on every horizontal surface.  The last time he was in
Joey's room he stubbed his toe on a 20 lb. dumbell camouflaged under a
black t-shirt, and he didn't want to do the same thing tonight.  *Jeez,*
he thought, *this place looks like a jeans and t shirt farm.*  He looked
under clothes, on his night table, in his dresser, but didn't turn up
any lube.  He sat on the well used bed, and then it hit him.  He looked
under the bed and found it: a big bottle of clear ooze in a plastic
bottle.  His heart pounded hard with excitement.

God, it had been a long time since he'd been so turned on by the idea of
masturbating.  And it wasn't just the zucchini that got to him.  It was
that it was Joey's father who brought the zucchini, and Joey's lube,
hidden under his bed.  Joey's bed.  And Chandler knew he had to do it
there, right then.
He flipped open the dome-like top and poured lube out onto the smooth
end of the zucchini, then smeared it on with his hand.  He crouched on
his knees and set the zucchini right under his ass, which he slowly
lowered.  It pressed hard against his hole, and then eased in, little by
little.  Chandler gasped, and chuckled, delighted by the pleasure of
doing this, of doing it here.  He let in a good portion, two, three
inches, then paused and bounced lightly on it.  His dick was dripping a
long strand of precum, stretching from his dick head to the slate
colored comforter on Joey's bed.  Chandler reached over to the floor
where he found a crumpled t-shirt which he used to wipe up the pre-cum.
He didn't worry that Joey would be wearing this again, it was so
wrinkled and smelled of sweat.  Chandler held it up to his face and
inhaled deeply.  He let the zucchini slide deeper into him, feeling
every inch push into his rectum.  He didn't know how much he'd gotten
in, but his bowel felt full, and the electric sensations it prompted ran
from deep in him to his every extremity, to his skin, to his rock hard
cock.  His wrapped his right hand, still wet with lube, around his
pulsating cock and started to beat it, taking long deliberate strokes,
while his ass gripped tightly around the long hard object rammed deep
into it.  He bounced on the zucchini, letting it slide still deeper into
him as he neared orgasm.  He heard low moans and panting breath, and
then realized it was coming from himself.  He could hear the bed board
creak as he bounced harder onto the makeshift dildo, as his hand worked
faster up and down his dick.  He heard a click, and a squeak, and
then...what?  A door shut.  A door?  Oh fuck --- THE DOOR!

Chandler sprung to his feet, the zucchini shooting out of him and
landing with a dull thud on Joey's bed.  Chandler spun around, muttering
*fuck, fuck, fuck*.  He picked up the slimy zucchini, in the t-shirt
he'd been sniffing, and jumped off the bed, to hide...where..the closet,
no, under the bed, no...oh fuck...the door, hide behind the bedroom
door.  He pressed tight into the corner, between the bedroom door and
the wall.  He could hear Joey walk around the apartment.  He could hear
him open and shut the refrigerator door.  He could hear him call
Chandler's name.  Then walk...towards the door?  No.  To the bathroom!
He could hear Joey walk into the bathroom, and shut the door, and turn
on the shower.  Yes, the shower!  Chandler breathed in and out deeply,
almost crying with relief.  He waited until he was sure Joey must be in
the shower, then quietly opened the bedroom door.  Bare naked, the
zucchini and t-shirt firmly in hand he took long tip-toe steps across
the bit of living room separating him from his bedroom, his haven.
And then a creak.  And the bathroom door swinging open.  And Joey
walking out, naked, dropping his t shirt and jeans and underwear on the
floor outside his bedroom.

"Chandler?" he asked, at the sight of his naked roommate.

Chandler froze, then looked Joey directly in the eye.

"So this is what you do when you think I'm not home, Joe, walk around
naked?" he asked.

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This was some weird shit, Joey thought, he and Chandler both  standing
there naked.  And what was Chandler doing coming out of Joey's own
bedroom, and why was he carrying a sticky wet zucchini around?  And why
was his boner dripping precum onto the floor.  And then a gear turned,
and then another, and Joey started to make sense of it all.

"Chandler," he began, "what're you...oh...no, not...oh...oh!"

"Joe, no, see it's just...I was, uh...cleaning?  Um, making zucchini
and...aw, crap."

"Jeez Chandler, with a zucchini from my dad?  Man, I'm never gonna' be
able that now."

 *Idiot,* thought Chandler, *idiot.*  But he said "Uh, no.  I guess
not."

"So what happened Chandler?  Did you turn gay?"

"Gay?  GAY!  Joe, I am NOT gay!"

Joey sized up Chandler and laughed.  "Well what's all THAT about, if
you're not?"

"It's just...Joe, this IS something men do, you know.  Straight men."

"No we don't," said Joey.  "I never did it."

"Never?  You NEVER did?  Nothing in your butt ever?  Not a finger tip
even?"

"Nothing Chandler.  Honest!"

"Well Joe, you don't know everything then.  A lot of guys do it."

"How come?"

"Because we have a prostate gland in there, that feels good when you hit
it."

"Well, I don't know anything about any prostrate gland, but if you're
gay, it's okay with me."

"Pros-TATE, PROSTATE!  Not prostrate!" Chandler shouted.  "And I am NOT
gay!"

Joey just glanced at the zucchini and smirked.

*God,* thought Chandler, *you're stupid.  But cute.  Aw, fuck.*

"I'm going to bed, Joe," Chandler said.

He threw the zucchini in the trash, washed his hands and went to his
room.

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After Chandler went to bed Joey decided to do the same thing.  He bent
over to pick up his clothes, and when he did, standing with his naked
ass in the air, it occurred to him that some of what Chandler said might
be true.  He could remember some times when he had to get to a bathroom,
when he had to take a dump, and how the sensation had given him an
erection.  In fact just thinking of having an erection gave him an
erection right then!

He walked over to the kitchen area to turn the lights off, and the idea
of Chandler and the zucchini throbbed in his brain.  *Go away,* he
thought, but it wouldn't.  He opened the refrigerator door and looked at
the bag of zucchinis.  He opened the bag and took one out.  *Pretty
big,* he thought, and put it back.  He started to shut the refrigerator
door and stopped.  He looked in the bag again, and took out another
zucchini.  A smaller one, though not a little one.  *What the hell.*

In bed Joey poured some lube onto the zucchini, and then some onto his
now stiff dick.  He loved how the clear beads rolled down the length of
his big cock.  He knelt, and positioned himself over the zucchini, and
pressed it to his virgin asshole.  Fuck, if Chandler could do this, he
could.  There was pretty much nothing he hadn't done in bed before now,
and he didn't want to miss out on any erotic pleasure.

It pressed into him, prying open his sphincter, and then slowly filling
his butt.  It didn't feel so good, but it didn't feel so bad either.
Just like he needed to crap.  He'd gotten most of it in, and wiggled his
hips around to get into the best position.  He started to whack his dick
then, in long gliding strokes, which always felt good.  As he did, he
let his ass absorb a bit more of the vegetable, and then a bit more.
Maybe it did feel good after all.  He thrust his hips forward, while
clutching tight with his asshole, and felt a wave of pleasure cascade
through him, centered in his butt.  *Oh yeah,* he thought, *this must be
it!*

As he continued to thrust, the waves of pleasure continued.  He shoved
some more of the zucchini into his ass, until about half the length was
in him.  He let himself bounce on his knees, fucking his own ass with
the zucchini, making the bed beneath him rattle.  *Oh fuck,* he thought,
*Chandler was so right!*  The thought of Chandler made his dick spill
out a load of precum, which his pounding hand caught up and smeared into
the clear lube coating the length of his dick.  Chandler, his best
friend, who always called him Joe, instead of Joey, which he liked.  He
wished that he'd been nicer to Chandler earlier, especially about this.
He wondered what Chandler did with his zucchini, how he shoved it up his
ass.  Joey could feel a big load of cum building in his balls, and
thought how good it would feel to let it loose.  If only he weren't
alone.  He tried to think of a girl, but his mind kept coming back to
Chandler, who he had to admit he liked better than anyone else.

"Chandler," he whispered.  An excruciating wave of pleasure caught him
by surprise.  He did it again, louder, and bounced hard in his bed,
driving the zucchini into his ass as far as it could go without losing
it in there altogether.  He did it again, and again, feeling the come
build in him as if he were a pressure cooker, or a geyser, or a fire
hydrant.  He wanted to shove the whole zucchini into himself, but was
afraid to.  Afraid to ruin the pleasure of the moment.

And then his door opened, and in walked Chandler, rubbing his eyes and
whispering "What?  Joe?  Are you okay?"

Chandler hadn't been able to sleep anyway.  Lying awake in the dark he
heard some thumping, and then his name being called.  He thought for a
second that he was dreaming, but when he realized he wasn't he went
right to the voice, to Joey's room.  He was hoping for something - an
apology?  A word of understanding?  But not this!

Joey smiled right at him, pounding his big arched erection with one
hand, feeding his ass with the other.  He wasn't about to stop now, if
he could.  Chandler's own dick stiffened right up at the sight of Joey
going at it like this, his meaty pecs bouncing up and down, his dick
ready to burst.

"Chandler," he whispered, almost grunted, "yeah..."

Chandler got down on his knees to better see what Joey was doing.
Fascinated, Chandler slipped his hand under Joey, under his cock and big
hairy balls, to touch the half zucchini sticking out of Joey's hole.
Chandler was turned on beyond anything he'd known before, or he would
never have had the nerve to do this.  He pressed his fingers to the end
of the zucchini and started to shove the whole of it into Joey.

"Ahhhhggg, no Chandler," Joey groaned, but beat his cock more furiously
than before, "I can't."

"Yeah Joe, you can do it," whispered Chandler, delighting Joey's
writhing.  "You can take it."

Joey thought his head would explode, or his ass, but fuck it felt good!
He thought it would rip him in half, having the whole thing up his ass
like this, Chandler's fingers pumping it into him.  Chandler.  Joey
thought of him, of Chandler's face so close to his cock, imagined his
lips wrapped tight around Joey's dick as he rammed it into him, fucking
his face and throat mercilessly.

The hot semen built up in Joey's balls rose up, churned in his cock, and
the erupted in an explosive white arc, splattering Chandler's face, and
then his shoulder.  As the hot cum gushed out again and again, Joey's
ass clenched tightly around the zucchini in his ass, kneading it with
his rectum.

Almost immediately after he was filled with the urgent desire to get rid
of it, to empty his ass of this foreign object.  His bowels, worn to
jelly, squeezed down hard, and his sphincter relaxed enough to shoot the
zucchini out of his ass, like the biggest, hardest turd of his life.  It
shot out of him, and Chandler caught it, almost by instinct.  He felt
the hot slime and ooze in his palm, and thought that it ought to be
gross, it ought to make him squirm with repulsion.  But it didn't.  In
fact he didn't mind at all.

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"I can't believe it," Joey said, wiping the sweat from his forehead with
his bed sheet.  "Man, I never knew about that at all!"

"Joe, you know all about women, but you never learned anything about
your own body."

"Yeah," said Joey, not feeling too embarrassed.  He was used to not
knowing things.

Chandler got rid of the zucchini pretty quickly, tossing it into the
already full garbage, and then washed his
hands with lots of dish washing soap.  Joey couldn't help but notice
that Chandler still had a full erection, that it bounced when he ran
across the room carrying the vegetable at arm's length, as if it were
radioactive.  That made him laugh.  Chandler always cracked him up.

For his part, Chandler had a hard time keeping his eyes off Joey, as he
wiped the sweat from his torso, still taking deep, heaving breaths.  He
picked a white t shirt off of the floor and scrubbed his hairy armpits
with it, lifting first one, then the other.  The perfect line running
from Joey's armpit to the underside of his pec made Chandler almost
shudder with desire.  Joey's body had, in the time they'd lived
together, grown from the slim, boyish body it once was to a more solid,
more manly form.  Chandler wished that he had put his mouth on Joey's
cock while he had the opportunity.

"Chandler," Joey called out, "what about you?"

"What about me?  What?  What about me?"

"You gonna' get off?"

"Jeez Joey, I was afraid you were going to ask something personal,"
Chandler replied, in his most sarcastic tone.

"Hey, Chandler, you know, I got off with you.  I figured you might
wanna' do it too."

"I don't think so.  It's to embarrassing."

"Really?  I got off on it.  Y'know.  You being there."

"You did?  Honest?"

"Hell, yeah.  But if you don't want to..."

"Waitwaitwait," Chandler blurted out, rushing closer to his roommate, "I
didn't say I don't want to.  I mean,
I COULD, I guess.  If you wanted to."  He paused.  "Do you?  You know.
Want to?"

"Check it out," said Joey, nodding downward.  His big cock was swelling
up to another erection.  It wasn't unusual for him to get off twice in
one night.

"Oooookay," said Chandler, and started to stroke his own erection,
finally.

The two looked at each other in silence, as they worked their cocks with
their hands slowly, staking out this strange new territory cautiously.
But definitely enjoying every step of it.

"Chandler," Joey said, "did you ever...you know, put anything else in
your butt?"

"I guess," said Chandler, feeling little spasms of pleasure at Joey's
voice, at Joey's curiosity.  "Fingers, a cucumber...I was thinking of
buying a, um, a dildo,"

"Yeah?" asked Joey, stroking a little faster.  "You mean shaped like a
guy's dick?"

"I guess so.  I guess that's what they are, Joe."

"You ever do it with a real one?  A real dick?  On a guy?"

Chandler just swallowed hard in response.

"I mean," Joey went on, "I thought...if you...you know.  I thought maybe
we...I think I know what I'm doing pretty good...down there, you
know...no complaints yet...so if I...if we...."

"Okay," whispered Chandler, "let's do it."

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Joey pressed the head of his well lubed cock to Chandler's asshole,
gripping his hands tight around Chandler's smooth waist.  On his knees,
like a dog, Chandler could feel his heart pounding hard through every
inch of his body.  He wondered if Joey could feel the tremors through
his fingers.  Through the bulb pressing against his asshole.  Pressing,
and pushing.  And entering, slowly, as a soft moan escaped Joey's lips,
and then a deep groan from Chandler, as the massive cock inched its way
into his waiting rectum.
Chandler's ass, already relaxed from his earlier efforts with the
zucchini, took most of Joey's dick in quickly and easily.  Joey ran his
fingers over Chandler's back, tracing the muscles there with his rough
finger tips, following them down to his slim hips, his white ass, the
dark hole filled with Joey's cock.

*Yes,* Joey thought, *this is gonna' be soooo good!*

It took a little doing, getting the full length inside Chandler, but the
both wanted it.  "Yeah, there," Chandler would whisper, or "hold
it...hold it...okay..."  But in the end, Joey had stuffed Chandler full,
amazed that anyone could take it all in their ass.  And then Joey
started to thrust.  He was unaccustomed to fucking someone this way, at
this angle, but it didn't take much to figure out.  It was different
than fucking a girl - tighter.  But good.  And he liked to feel
Chandler's tight little muscles moving under his skin, gripping his
cock.

Chandler seemed to really be getting off on it too, grunting and
moaning.  He was stroking his own cock, and Joey could tell that he
wouldn't last much longer.  Poor Chandler, he never knew how to enjoy a
good thing.  But Joey wanted to give him what he could, and really
plowed into him.  It was good hard work, and Joey sweat like a
racehorse, fucking Chandler's hole with a fury he only had there, in
bed.  Chandler grunted, and his legs trembled, and Joey knew it was time
to finish him off.

Joey wrapped his big arms around Chandler, and pulled him up so that he
was almost sitting in Joey's lap, fucking him with hard, steady strokes
the whole time.  Chandler had already surrendered to the pleasure, and
without a trace of modesty he pushed his own ass down onto Joey's hips,
meeting each thrust with his own hungry asshole.  He reached behind
himself, to touch Joey, to bring him closer, and Joey nuzzled his face
up against Chandler's shoulders.  He kissed the nape of Chandler's neck,
tasted their mingled sweat there.  "Oh baby," he whispered.

Joey hugged Chandler tight against him, and ran his fingers over
Chandlers body, his stiff little nipples, his smooth chest, the shadow
of hair on his trim belly which fanned out into his crotch.  Where his
pussy would be, if he were a girl, Joey thought.  But there was a dick
there, hard and smeared with pre cum.  *Not a girl,* Joey thought.
*Chandler, my buddy,* he thought.  And the idea excited him so much that
he could feel his balls churn with cum.  He could feel his own asshole
pucker up tight.  He wrapped his hand around Chandler's cock, and
started to stroke it.

"Joe," whispered Chandler, "no...I'm gonna'..."  he couldn't say the
word, and he couldn't make Joey stop.
Didn't really want him to, anyway.

Joey kissed and bit Chandler's neck and shoulders, ran his tongue over
his cheek and into his ear, pummeling his buddy ass and working his cock
without pause.  "Go on, baby," Joey whispered, "I want you to cum for
me."  God, it felt good to say that.  Good to make Chandler get off.
There was nothing Joey did better than this, and it made him happy to
share it with his best friend.
Chandler trembled, felt Joey's hands and mouth on him, saw lights
flashing in his closed eyes, and let go.  He could hear, almost far
away, Joey saying "Oh baby yeah, oh baby yeah, oh baby...."  And his
insides sucked up as much of Joey's cock as it could.  Hot fluid burned
in his balls, and then rushed through them, his shaft and sprayed up and
out, in wild arcs of white spray.

Joey couldn't believe how good it felt, having Chandler's ass contract
is spasms around his cock as Chandler came all over the place, and he
rammed into him for all he was worth, oh baby, yeah, fucking Chandler's
guts even as he milked his buddy's cock, and oh baby, yeah, Joey's own
cum erupting inside Chandler, coating his buddy's guts with a big load
of white semen.  Oh yeah.  Baby.  Yeah.

Joey's still erect dick dropped out of Chandler's ass with a >pop<, and
Chandler dropped flat on the bed, his legs too weak even to support
him.  Joey rested his heaving frame on top of him, and affectionately
ran his hand over Chandler's back, slick with both their sweat.

"Man, that was great," whispered Joey.

"Yeah," replied Chandler, "I thought so."

"Next time we ought to try some different positions."

"Next..." said Chandler, surprised by his friend's assumption.  "Yeah
Joe.  That'd be good."

 Next time.  Chandler's spent dick stiffened a bit at the idea of it.
Next time.


The End


(Joe Jones is also the author of :  Letters Home; The Wonder Year; Man
of the House.)