Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 01:27:30 -0800
From: Ike Fan <ilikeike@fastemail.us>
Subject: I Like Ike - Celebrity

I LIKE IKE

First off, this story is a complete fantasy, is in no way true, and if any
of it was even remotely true, I sure wouldn't be telling all of you!  And
Ike Barinholtz is straight, straight straight, has never been with a guy,
would never ever be with a guy, and this is just wishful thinking.  So
enjoy!

****

So I have this tremendous crush on Ike Barinholtz, the new guy on 
Mad TV... I had a crush on him long before last week's episode 
where he made out with Josh Meyers, but that just made my crush 
worse, of course! Of course there was no way anything was ever 
gonna happen, I had no way to contact him or anything. You couldn't 
e-mail anything private through the website, of course, plus celebs 
have to be super discreet, even in this day and age. Especially 
since all these guys are looking to do big movies, and if you're ever 
going to be a romantic lead (and Ike's a natural for that) you have to 
have a straight image... playing around is okay (Where's My Car 
Dude comes to mind) but you can't be outright gay (or probably 
even bi.) So I'd never contact him in a million years in any way that 
would hurt his career. I shouldn't even be writing this but heck, like I 
said, it's a complete fantasy, it could never happen!

So anyway, I work in Vegas in a band there, and so I have to go  
through many of the big hotels and casinos a lot... I was going 
through one of them one day (no, I'm not gonna say which one) after 
just doing a corporate party, was loading out my gear, and as I'm 
going around this corner, BAM, run smack right into, shit, it's Ike, I 
can't believe it, my gear goes everywhere falling off the dolly, it's 
a huge mess, luckily it's late and no one else is around but I'm 
freaking because I can't believe it's actually him!

"Ike!!" I said, "fuck I'm sorry!" as I try to catch my falling gear, and 
he's trying to catch the rest of it and my gear is heavy, heavy cases 
and we're not having a good time of it." It's not funny but we just give 
up and the stuff goes bam on the floor and he's laughing and I'm 
laughing. I start to pick the stuff up and a million things are going 
through my head, I am so embarrassed and so intimidated by this guy 
I've been dreaming about for months, and I can't think of anything to 
say.

"Sorry Dude, I didn't see ya coming" he says, handing me a bag full 
of gear, and I'm putting stuff back on the cart.

"Hey, what are you doin' here?" I asked, then suddenly realizing, 
hey, it's none of my business.

"We had a few days off and I decided to finally check Vegas out." 
he said. "I tried to go to sleep my regular early time but couldn't do 
it and was heading out to see if anything was happening. You must 
play music." he said and I nodded as we put back an amp on the 
dolly. Our eyes met for a moment as the last piece of gear was 
restored, and he shrugged and said "Well, guess I'll see ya 
around..." and I said "Yeah...." and he grinned and started  
continuing on down the hallway.

Damn! I couldn't let him just get away like that without saying  
anything! "Hey, Ike..." I called after him and he stopped and turned 
and I stammered..."uh... um.... are you hungry or anything? I was 
just gonna go grab some breakfast. I'll buy..." I said, realizing how 
completely lame I sounded.

He looked right directly into my eyes for a minute... actually, it felt 
like he was boring into my soul or something. Probably thinking 
"What does this guy want... is he dangerous... or worse yet, a fan... 
but maybe.... hell, I have nothing better to do and I am hungry."

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he grinned and said "I am 
hungry, and I never turn down free food... lead the way!"

So that's how it started. Over breakfast, with the cute waitress 
tripping all over my cart full of gear and Ike (I think she wanted him 
more than I did) we had an amazing time, he was full of stories of his 
beginnings in Chicago and incredibly funny real shit that happened. 
He also got a big kick out of the waitress, putting her on the whole 
time. She kept finding excuses to come over and flirt, and damn did he
flirt with her too. 

"Think I'm gonna get some tonight?" he asked, nodding toward her.

I tried to hide my true feelings. "Absolutely!"

"She wants me. Bad. I can always tell."

Shit, I was hoping is gaydar wasn't as good as his straight instincts or 
I was in some deep shit.

"Hey, I'll bet she'd let us make a sandwich! Whaddaya say, you want 
front or back?" He was playing with me as much as he was playing 
with her. I could tell too, so I thought I'd get real for a bit...
nothing 
to lose at this point, we were through eating, and I sensed good-bye 
coming.

"Nah, not my type" I said.

"Shit, she's perfect!!! Big tits, long legs, nice face, perfect ass, 
what's not to like?" He was incredulous.

"Ahhh..." I just shook my head. 

He looked serious for a moment, like he'd just figured out  
something about me. "Oh, hey, I didn't mean anything... I mean, if 
you're not into girls, that's perfectly fine with..."

I interrupted him with my look I guess. "Oh shit," he said, "hey you 
gotta know that I am 100% straight. I mean, me and Josh did that skit 
a few weeks back on the couch and now damn, every gay guy in the 
world thinks..."

He realized immediately that was probably the wrong thing to say.

"Look," I said softly, "I just asked you to breakfast. I know you're 
straight, of course you're straight, every guy as funny and as 
beautiful and as masculine and as male and with a great bass voice 
like you is always straight, I knew  that." 

"And I knew there wasn't any chance. But I thought, 'hey, you're 
alone, you might want some company.' That's all. Believe me, when 
you look like me, you never make passes, because rejection hurts 
too much." Now I'm not bad looking, but I ain't no Ike Barinholtz, 
that's for sure!

For once the waitress was leaving us alone and thank God for that! 
"Hey Dude, I know, believe me, I was completely fat my entire high 
school years, I know exactly what it's like. And you don't know what 
it's like now, to have everyone in the world just want to fuck you for 
your name, so they can brag about it to their friends, like you're 
some notch on their belt or something."

I nodded. "I've never been famous, but I know what it's like to have a 
relationship with someone just because you're onstage." And it was 
true, I'd had a girlfriend for five years exactly because of that.

Damn, that waitress must have gone off shift... and it looked like 
she was just flirting too, because she was no where to be seen. 
Common, all the pretty waitresses in Vegas are married or have 
live-in boyfriends and kids and flirting is part of the job. Ike 
looked around "Looks like I got stood up anyway."

"Dumb bitch." I said, cracking him up. "I mean it." I said. "What the 
hell's wrong with her?" 

He looked at me, seriously. I felt like I was melting. I HATE that 
feeling!!!

"So you really think I'm hot, huh?" he said gently.

I looked him right in the eye and it hurt. "I went 'Damn!!" the first 
time you did one of those try-out skits, you know, before you 
actually get the real gig?"

"Yeah?" he said. "You know about those?"

"Yeah. You were, I mean, you are, incredible."

He pushed, leaning back, and said "Hmmm."

I kept looking down. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. Weird.

"Say, hypothetically, if I were to happen to invite you up to my room, 
because you've never seen what the rooms look like here and you 
were curious, and say, I happened to fall asleep, and say, uh, you 
kind of had free reign of the situation and, uh, could I trust you to 
never tell anyone? I mean, my entire future movie career could 
depend on you keeping your mouth shut.FOREVER."

My heart was pounding so hard and so fast I thought it was going to 
break out of my chest. I couldn't believe my ears. I looked up at Ike 
again to make sure I'd really heard right.

"You could trust me with your life." I said, meaning much more.

He pursed his lips and nodded. "I think I know that." he said. "You're 
a good guy." He made a move to get up, and I followed, and he said 
"You know I won't be able to, uh... return any favors..." he said, and I 
nodded, speechless. "And that's okay with you?" he asked.

"Okay?" I said. "That's more than I could ever ask for, are you 
crazy????"

He grinned. "Cool. Let's get the fuck out of here. That bitch gave 
me major wood, and it's not going away anytime soon."

****

The trip to the room was a blur. It was almost 4 AM, the casino and 
elevator lobby were completely deserted, and I could hardly look 
at Ike as we went up in the elevator, that silly stupid cart with all my 
gear our constant companion. I was afraid if I looked at him he'd 
change his mind or something, and it was a long ride up to his floor, 
so it was starting to feel like a comedy skit, with one 
of those uncomfortable silences. I mean, what more do you say? I 
think each of us was afraid we'd say something to fuck up the 
situation. I have no idea what was going through Ike's head, whether 
he'd let another guy before or what, so I wasn't going to take a 
chance and ask any questions. We reached his floor, were at his 
room and in it in a flash (this later part seemed like it was 
happening in slow motion but actually like it was happening super 
fast,) and then we were in and Ike shut the door.

"Hey, make yourself comfortable" he said, "I gotta take a wicked 
piss."

I took off my tux jacket (yeah, I was wearing my stupid work tux the 
whole time) and sat on the double bed. Ike left the bathroom door 
open and I could hear the strong stream of piss hit the water... 
damn, he wasn't lying. I hadn't had much to drink during breakfast, 
so I was cool. I couldn't see around into the 
bathroom (and wouldn't have peeked anyway) but when Ike came 
out he'd already unbuttoned his long sleeve white shirt, exposing 
that awesome hairy chest. I think he's perfectly defined, not too 
ripped, just nice, and that hair with that sweet cute jock baby face of 
his and I was just in awe. I couldn't believe this was happening, I 
swear it was better than any fantasy I'd ever had. He came over to 
the edge of the bed where I was sitting and stood beside me 
and put his hand on the back of my neck and started rubbing my long 
hair and my neck through my hair! Damn I thought I was gonna die! I 
never expected that. I looked up at him for permission and he gave 
it nodding slightly. My hands were shaking as it went for his pants 
and slowly, shakingly, unbuttoned his fly. He took a step closer and 
at the same time pulled my head gently toward his pants and I knew 
what he wanted, and pressed my mouth and face against his basket. 
He moaned deeply at that first contact, and I could feel his huge 
hardness under the material, throbbing with the beat of his heart. I 
licked him through the material, my hands reaching up and around 
to grip his tight ass and squeeze his perfect globes, not to hard, not 
too soft. Damn my Ike baby was horny! Slowly he eased his pants 
down, and I could see the huge outline of his amazing cock through 
his briefs, with a growing wet spot where the massive head was 
leaking copious amounts of clear fluid. As soon as I saw that, I was 
like a wild animal, licking his shaft through the briefs, pressing my 
lips against it, trying to suck it into my mouth through the cloth
itself. 
Finally Ike couldn't take anymore, stepped sideways out of his 
pants, kicking them across the room where they hit the wall with a 
loud slap and then shoved his briefs down, exposing his magnificent 
thick eight inch cock... damn, it was beautiful, dark markings 
making it look even bigger than it was. He stepped forward up to 
me again and cried out and I engulfed its entire length into my 
throat in one swoosh. 

"Fuck" he cried out, probably surprised! "Goddamn, that's 
awesome!" he said as I started milking it with my throat muscles, 
humming as I did so, the vibrations overwhelming Ike with a sensory 
overload. I started bobbing my head up and down, reclaiming my 
hold on the globes of his ass, when he suddenly jumped back, pulling 
out of my mouth

"Damn!" he cried, "fuck it's so good, not just yet!" he cried, and I 
could see from the way his beautiful cock was throbbing that he was 
trying hard to hold back from coming. Shit, my bad, I should have 
paid more attention to his balls... when they pull way up and that 
wrinkled little sack gets hard, that's just when a guy's about to shoot. 
I'd been paying so much attention to his ass and not tickling his balls 
with my fingers like I usually do, and just enjoying the hell out of it
so 
much myself I didn't notice he was almost there!!!

He stood there, looking like a God, sweating profusely, his chest 
heaving for a few moments, and then said "Okay. Okay." Then he 
grinned at me "Damn you are fucking awesome!!!" He pulled his 
shirt off the rest of the way, kicked out of his briefs, and went over 
to the head of the bed and flopped himself down, leaning back on 
his arms. God the man is the most beautiful man on this earth, and all 
the more beautiful for granting me this magnificent privilege. 
Okay, it's corny, but that's what I was feeling.

I laid down on the bed between his legs and started a lot slower this 
time, licking his huge brown ball sac... damn he liked that! That 
beautiful prick of his was dripping just like a faucet as I sucked, 
first one, then another, into my mouth, gently laving them with my 
tongue. I reached up with my hands and ran my hands over his hairy 
pecs, tweaking his nipples which already were hard and pointed. He 
moaned and I knew I'd found a hot spot, and so took a chance and 
traveled up his torso with my mouth to see if I could work his nipples 
with my tongue, gently chewing and biting them.

"Fuck" he said, "that feels so fucking good!" He knew his deep 
resonant bass voice inspired me to greater pleasure giving, and it 
did. I worked his nipples until he couldn't stand it any more, and he 
begged "my cock, please suck my cock!" I worked my way back 
down his hairy belly and treasure trail, and once again engulfed 
that mighty manhood into my loving mouth and throat. This time I 
wasn't going to stop; we had all night and Ike had more than one good 
cum in him, I knew that. I worked every inch of that fleshy pole, and 
Ike gently put both hands on the back of my head and urged me on, 
gradually getting into a wonderful face-fucking pace. I took it, 
he gave a sudden guttural moan and then a cry, and torrents of his 
hot manseed poured into me, tasting incredible. How could it be 
otherwise? I drank every drop, and even after his hands fell away, 
wouldn't let him out of my mouth. As he softened I licked in small 
circles at the underside of his penis, that super sensitive part that 
can still stand it, while avoiding the head and sides that can't stand 
any kind of stimulation after coming. He moaned softly in ecstasy 
as the feelings ebbed away while I gently licked that magic place. 
Finally he pulled me off.

What a look. His eyes said it all. "Dude, that was fucking  
fantastic!!! Thank you so much!" 

I looked back into his eyes. "Thank you!"

He looked over at the clock on the nightstand. "You gotta be 
anywhere?" he asked.

"No," I said. There would be some explaining when I got home, 
probably, but for now and all the trouble in the world I wasn't going 
anywhere unless Ike wanted me to leave.

He grinned. "Cool. He leaped out of bed "gotta take a piss" and 
once again that stream was hitting the toilet.

He came out and asked "Hey, you want me to give you a hand job or 
something?" and my eyes must have opened a mile wide.

"Don't look so surprised" he said "I'm a nice guy... I can lend a bud a 
hand from time to time if need be."

And far be it from me to turn down a hand job from Ike Barinholtz, 
but truth was, I couldn't get it up just then if my life depended on
it... 
I'd popped in my pants the same exact moment Ike had come!

"Ike, damn, thanks! I already came when I was doing you!"

"Fuck," he smiled, incredulously. "For real? You came from 
getting me off?"

I nodded.

"Damn, I didn't know that was possible!"

I nodded. "It is. When you're blowing the hottest stud in he world."

He threw a pillow at me "Keep that up and I'll know you're full of 
shit!"

I threw it back at him, and for a few seconds, yes, a real pillow fight 
erupted. We didn't get too far though, because little Ike (well, not 
so little Ike) was standing at attention again.

"Hey, uh, XXxx" (he said my name, which of course I'm not going to 
say here for privacy purposes) "uh.... would you mind dropping 
your pants for a minute?"

"What for?" I asked, still punchy from the pillow fight.

"I wanna see your ass." he said, suddenly very serious.

I got REALLY serious. This was just too much to hope for. So I didn't. 
I stood up, turned around, and dropped my pants like Ike asked. My 
briefs too.

Silence.

"Well?" I asked, afraid to look.

More silence.

I turned my head around slowly and saw Ike, looking in the direction 
of my ass, but also far way, a million miles away as he  
absent-mindedly was fisting his huge cock.

"Ike?" I asked...

He shook his head suddenly, coming out of whatever reverie he'd 
been in. "Oh, sorry, hey Dude, that's not a bad ass there."

Pause.

"Actually, for a guy, it's kind of a nice ass."

Pregnant pause.

"I wanna fuck you."

Long pause.

"Did you hear me?" he said, with a slight edge this time. "I said I 
wanna fuck your ass."

I turned around slowly. "Ike, are you sure this isn't gonna screw with 
your head  or anything? Being gay is no fun, Ike. It can be major 
fucked up and major painful. And I don't want you to ever go 
through any of that. I don't even want you to think you're gay, or even 
bi, to have to question that."

He looked so serious, and so thoughtful. "I can fuck your ass and 
still be straight."

"Yes you can, Ike. Happens every day in prison. And in schools. And 
in the Marines. Just as long as YOU know that, and you're okay with 
that."

He nodded. "I think so. Look, I'm still fucking hard as a goddamn 
rock, I wanna fuck your chubby soft flat male ass, damnit!"

And we both burst out laughing!!

"Ike, Goddamnit, you can have any part of me you want, anytime!"

"So get your ass over here and tell me what to do... you've been 
fucked before, right?"

I nodded. 

"Are we gonna need any lube or lotion or oil or anything?"

"Not the way you drool, stud, but we are gonna need condoms."

"Condoms I got!" he said, leaping off the bed again to his suitcase 
where he broke out a pak and in no time had it covering up that 
beautiful prick.

"Doggy style" was all he said, and I got up on the bed on all fours, 
and before I knew it I could feel his body heat at my rear. 

"Go slow" I said, "we don't have lube, the condom will make it slip in 
easier, but you're big and thick, you have to go slow."

"I will" he said, his hard cock seeing the entrance. "Here?" he 
asked. 

"A bit lower" I said, crouching my back down more.

"There, right there" and he pushed, plopping the head in. Ah, the 
familiar pain. I wasn't about to have him pull out though.

"Stop, don't move. Just keep it there for a sec."

"You okay?" he said, concerned.

"Fine" I grunted.

"Damn, ain't you never been fucked before?" he asked. "Get this 
fucking shirt off" he said, pulling my shirt up over my head. Slowly 
as he did this his prick was inching more and more up inside me, but 
gently.

"Damn, I'm all the way in!" he said, incredulously. "You okay?" he 
asked.

"Yes, it feels fantastic." I said. And damnit, it did! Ike leaned 
against me, his furry chest against my back, and damn it felt 
wonderful! Slowly and masterfully he stroked in and out, very 
slowly and gently at first, and as I started feeling really good as he 
stroked my prostate and started hunching back, he started thrusting 
deeper and harder, which started that familiar series of chills all 
up and down my spine, and about nine minutes into the wonderful 
fuck, started pile driving for all he was worth. Kept that up for  
about five minutes (I guess the first come and the condom was 
giving him staying power) and then he said "Hey, flip over on your 
back, will ya?"

I did, and he took my legs and put them on his shoulders. "Damn you 
got big strong legs!" and like the expert he was quickly becoming, 
quickly found my hole and plunged right in. I couldn't believe it, I 
could see every expression on his gorgeous face, the sweat running 
down his body, the hair matted and drenched, as he power slammed 
into me, rocking my body with such sensations I thought I was going to 
die. The chills started up again, and the tickling in my prostate, and I 
knew, without even being hard, that I was gonna come, and then Ike 
looked down at me, right in my eyes, and I knew. His eyes closed, and 
damn if we didn't both come at exactly the same moment, in silence, 
my convulsing tunnel gripping him so tightly as he thrust one final 
mighty bone cracking thrust and unloaded into me, convulsion after 
convulsion of release. He fell on me, his face next to mine, his chin 
on my shoulder, and my legs fell down, and gradually he softened 
and with a plop fell out of me, but still neither of us moved. After 
about ten minutes of just lying their plastered together with 
sweat and cum, he raised up and gently kissed me on the mouth, just 
gentle and outside at first, and then another kiss came, this one 
deeper and with tongue and damn, I can't describe how incredibly 
right it was at that moment.

Love means never having to say thank you, and we cleaned up in 
silence and got dressed. Another long kiss at the door and me and 
my cart and my music gear were one again out in the hall, alone, as 
if it had never happened.

But it did, it was a full eight hours later, the sun was coming up, and I 
had Ike's personal e-mail and phone number in my pocket, and he 
had mine. And I knew that what we had would never be anything 
more than wild incredibly fulfilling occasional sex, but that was all 
we both needed from the other. And what we  gave so perfectly well 
to each other.  Over time we became great fuck buddies as well, 
but that's another story, and not nearly as interesting as this one!

****

It's a complete fantasy, it's my hope this doesn't cause anyone any 
pain or trouble.

If you liked my story, e-mail me at ilikeike@fastemail.us