Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 08:10:15 -0500
From: marik_jol@hotmail.com
Subject: not-in-kansas-anymore-toto-4

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 "Not in Kansas Anymore-3" is the next chapter in the life of Andros, Zane,
and Carlos. It continues where part two left off. Same characters, just
expands on the relationship between Carlos, Zane and Andros.  Power
Rangers, Power Rangers in Space, Power Rangers Turbo, AlienRangers, and all
characters from the series are trademarks of and copyright by Saban
Entertainment.

Look for another set of adventures for Zane, Andros and Carlos.....

I welcome comments and suggestions.   Send to marik_jol@hotmail.com or
marik_jol@hotmail.com .
Thanks, Jolan Tru
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Kansas
Chapter 4

Tommy was staring at the waiting faces of this realms rangers.  I stood
off to the side curious as to what will happen.  I knew who was in the
quarters.  I could sense him.  When he comes out, we may have a mess on
our hands.  I hurriedly sent him a quick message to be gentle when he
came out.  Just as I was preparing for the inevitable.  Zane walked out.

"What are you talking about Tommy?"  Zane said coming face to face with
the rangers.

Gasps ran through the gathered rangers.  Each looked as if they were
about to faint or cry.  I looked at Andros and he had gone ashen.  He
grabbed Ashley's hand.  I could see tears running down his eyes. He was
trying to blink them back.  From the look on Zane's face he was
completely lost.  I could feel the sense of shock, sorrow, and strangely
happiness from Andros.

"What?"  He questioned as he turned to the other Carlos.

A grin spread across his face as he headed toward him.  He must have
thought it was me.  He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Carlos and
TJ holding hands.  He snapped his head around and looked at Andros.
Andros was holding Ash's hand.  There was momentary hurt and fear in his
eyes and vicious anger.  But he regained himself as he remembered where
he was.  I thought for a second and sent him a mental nudge.  He swung
around.  I stood there with my arms open wide.  He ran to me and I
wrapped him up and hugged him tight.  I kissed him deep and full.  I was
crying lightly.  I felt his arms lock around my waist and pick me up to
spin me around.

"Zane I missed you so."  I said.

"Me too.  And Andros is worried sick.  You know he is a mother hen."
Zane said standing up and looking at the gathered crowd.  "What's
wrong?  You all look as you have seen a ghost."

"In a way they have."  I said laying a hand on his shoulder.

"What do you mean?"  He asked me.  But before I could answer Andros came
up.

His voice cracked.  "I can't believe its you... I figured I would never
see you again."  With that he slowly walked up and threw his arms around
Zane and started to cry.  Zane wrapped him up as if he was our Zane and
in a way he is.  Zane looked at me.

"In this dimension, you did not survive the Battle of Earth."  I
explained feeling bad for this Andros.  Even though he isn't my Andros I
still ... I don't know.

"Oh my--"  Tommy said raising a hand to his mouth.

Zane continued to stroke a sobbing Andros.  Ash was holding Cassie.
Both were crying.  Carlos and TJ were standing there watching the whole
scene with concern.  I walked over to Zane and Andros.  I ran my hand
over Andros' hair.  I looked into Zane's eyes.  He couldn't stand what
this Andros was going through.  We were both sensing the grief and
relief.  It was getting overwhelming.  I left them alone and turned to
Tommy.

"Tommy I am surprised to see you.  Now don't get me wrong.  I was kind
of expecting Andros."  I asked him giving him a light hug.

"Well Andros wanted to.  But Zane reasoned with him and convinced him to
stay and help Billy retrieve us.  And I still feel some tie to the three
of you.  You could say I have a resonance of a bond with the three of
you."  Tommy said sending some feedback over the weak link he had with
them.

I could not believe he could still feel the link.  I sent a warm thank
you back.  I had to smile.  I still had a soft spot for him.  I still
remember the way he looked when I first met him.  He was nervous and
unsure.  But now he is a totally new person.  I was watching Tommy
intently.  I looked away quickly before I thought something he could
pick up.  I turned to look at Zane.  Andros had gotten control of
himself.  He seemed to just be in awe of Zane.  Zane was crying
slightly.  He rubbed his eyes and chuckled.  He looked at the rangers.
Especially the other Carlos.

"You know when I saw you two holding hands.  I thought, well, never
mind."  Zane said to the other Carlos.

"Its understandable."  The other Carlos said.

TJ perked up.  "You don't know the half of it.  When I thought he was
you.  He was going on about Andros and Zane and all that.  I was getting
angry and jealous.  Even though I knew it to be not so.  But in a way it
is."

Cassie walked up.  "So you three are together."

"Yep."  I said.  Zane nodded.

"I can vouch for it."  Tommy said as he leaned against the wall.

"And who are you?"  Ashley asked.

"Me."  Tommy said confusedly.  "I am Tommy the former White Ranger."

>From behind the group and clanking sound started.  Everyone turned
around to face the robotic assistant of Zordon.  He stumbled in shaking
his head.

"Rangers I picked up a tetryon burst.  Rangers what is going on?"  Alpha
said coming to a stop.  He looked up and nearly blew a circuit.

"Tommy!!!!"  Alpha squealed making a lot of chirps and whirs.  "Oh my,
oh my.  This can't be."

"Nope I am the one and the only."  Tommy said proudly.  "Don't tell
me."  He said as something dawned on him.  "I am dead ain't I."

"Yeah.  You are."  Alpha said regaining his control.

Tommy seemed unbothered by this.  "How?"

Alpha seemed uncomfortable.  "You did not survive Nikkolo's spore."

Tommy wasn't expecting that.  He lost his footing as he slid down the
wall.

"Tommy!"  I yelled running to him.

"Are you ok?"  Zane said from where he stood.  He looked haunted.

"Yeah, yeah.  I will be fine.  I just need some air."  He said as he
stood and turned heading for the lift.  I started after him.   But Zane
stopped me.

"Let him go.  He will be ok."  Zane said looking at his watch.  "We have
only an hour till we have to get back."

I grabbed Zane's arm and held on for life.  I knew Zane wasn't dead but
it frightened me more than ever at the thought of losing him or Andros.
I looked at TJ.  He was as happy as I am.  I wondered about my TJ.  How
it would be to know you love somebody but couldn't be with them.  When I
get back I need to talk to TJ.  TJ walked over to Zane and I.

"You don't know how much good it did for Andros to see you again.  He
was a wreck after you died.  If it wasn't for Ashley we would have lost
him too."  TJ said.  "I look at you and Carlos here and see you are
meant for each other."

"And forgive me for saying so but you, Tommy and Zane seem to have
something between you."  Cassie paused realizing she was getting
personal.  "Never mind I shouldn't pry."

I looked at her a grinned.    By now I was used to the stares and
innuendo.  "Go ahead ask."

"How did you three get together and where does Tommy fit in?"  He didn't
wait any.

"Well Andros and I were together first and before I came out of
cryo-stasis, Andros had decided to ask Carlos to become bond mate.  Well
I woke up sooner than expected and well we both asked him."  Zane
explained as he rubbed the small of my back.

"Well I was flattered that they asked.  But at the time I could and
would not consider it but eventually it grew on me.  And after the
mission back in time where we met Tommy, I knew I loved them.  And the
rest is history."  I said pinching Zane on the ass.  "Oh and you asked
about Tommy.  You could say that the four of us are or were very, very
close at one time.  Its difficult to explain."

"So that is why you asked about a mission in time."  Carlos said.

"Yeah.  I was wondering why things were so different.  But with Zane
gone and never going back in time.  That explains the differences."  I
explained.  "It is really surprising how one difference could make such
an impact."

I  paused for a second realizing something for the first time.  "And
Zane I don't know how you will feel about this--"

Zane interrupted me.  "If you hadn't met Andros and I, and things didn't
go like they did.  You would have considered our TJ."

"Yes.  Exactly."  I said astonished he figured it out and be
non-plussed.

"Well we have known how he felt about you for a long time.  And I have
an answer to his misery."  Zane said.

"What?"  I said curious.

"Not now.  Later."  Zane said.

_===_

Back at Billy's lab.  Andros and Jason were nervous wrecks.  They were
pacing back and forth.  Not saying much.  Wringing their hands in
anguish.  Billy just sat there with his equipment watching the two.
Tommy had told Billy about when he met the three future rangers.  Billy
couldn't help but wonder what that had been like.  Andros was very much
Billy's type.  Smart, headstrong, and handsome.   But there was
something about him.  Billy could not figure it out right away.  Billy
walked over to Andros.

Billy heard Andros mumbling.  "Andros.  I didn't catch that."

Andros looked up.  His face contorted in worry.  "Oh nothing.  I was
just mumbling to myself."

"Oh, ok.  Well while we have time I was wondering if you could answer a
query I have."  Billy asked.

Jason had perked up and came over to them.  "Sure what is it?"

Andros sat down facing Billy.  "Your not from earth are you?"

Andros chuckled.  "Did the hair give it away?" He laughed again.

Billy shook his head.  "No.  There was something different about you and
Zane."

"Well--" He started getting all business again.  "We are from a planet
called KO-35.  It is a humanoid settlement."

Jason said awestruck.  "Really.  Does Carlos know this?"

"Yes.  He has been there."  Andros said  Billy looked thoughtful.
Andros knew he was making the connections between him and Zane.

"And if I am correct you and Zane are related."  Billy said plainly.

"Related?!?"  Jason said astonished.

"Mea culpa.  We have been caught.  We're brothers actually."  Andros
just looked at them amused.  It always curious to him, their reactions
to that piece of information.

"That explains it."  Billy said.

"Explains what?"  Andros finished as his comm went off.

"Yes."  It was TJ.

"Where are you?  Your late for supper."  He said worriedly.

"Well we ran into some interesting problems.  It's a long story."
Andros explained.

"Is Carlos ok?  Zane?"  He asked quickly.

TJ was extremely obvious in his feelings for Carlos.  That did not
bother Andros.  In fact Zane and Andros had discussed it.  They wanted
to talk to Carlos about it.  They were considering asking TJ to join the
relationship.  It wasn't uncommon.  But on KO-35 there is at least one
woman in the group.  Not here, we aren't a normal group.  And it is not
a normal relationship.

"Yes, they are both ok as far as I know."  He said easily.  "Why don't
you transport down to where I am.  And I will explain."

"Ok."  TJ closed the connection.

A blue glow appeared beside Andros.  TJ coalesced.  He looked at his
surroundings.  Then at the two other people in the room.  He was
confused.  Zane and Carlos were no where to be found.

"TJ, this is Billy the former blue ranger and Jason the former red and
gold ranger."  Andros introduced.

"Hey."  TJ said.  "What's going on?  Where is Zane and Carlos?"

"Well it seems that Carlos was sucked into a parallel dimension.  Tommy
and Zane went after him."  Andros explained.  He noticed the worry and
anxiety in TJ's face.

"Why didn't you call me?"  He said slightly angry.  "If anything happens
to Carlos--"  He paused realizing he said too much.  "and Zane.  I do
not know what I would do."  He added quickly.

Billy raised his brow.  He picked up on the underlying notion.  Billy
was swift.  We didn't realize it until Ash told Andros what he said
while we were scattered during the battle.  Andros had intended on
talking with him.  But just never got around to it.  Andros would be
lying if he didn't acknowledge he even had feelings for TJ at first but
when Carlos saved him from Ecliptor in the early days of the space
rangers.  Andros knew that there was more there.  Andros assumed TJ was
straight.  Andros laid a hand on TJ shoulder.

"They are  fine.   They should be back anytime."  Andros said comforting
TJ.

Jason looked at Andros and then at TJ.  He thought this whole situation
was strange.  Two brothers and Carlos in a relationship.  And it seems
that there is something between Carlos and TJ.  Jason was thankful that
his relationship with Tommy was more straight forward.  It was just the
two of them.  But what would it be like to have a third person.  He
shook his head.

"Jason, what's wrong."  Billy asked.

"Oh, nothing.  This is just so strange."  Jason replied.

As they were talking back and forth one of Billy's instruments was
wailing loudly.  Billy went over to it.  He turned a few dials.  His
face wrinkled in concentration.  Andros walked over to him and watched
over his shoulder.

TJ stood there watching the two hit this button and then the next.  He
turned around just in time to see a table in the corner fade in and out
of reality.  The table lost cohesion.  TJ turned around to the guys.

"I have a feeling we are fixing to get company."  TJ said.

Billy nodded.  "I concur.  They are having difficult effecting an entry
way."

Andros raised a hand to his temple.  He shook his head slightly.  Even
his hand shook.  "Damn.  It is Zane and Carlos but the are fading in and
out of reality."

Jason spoke up.  "Are they all right?  Are you ok Andros?"

"I think so.  I have suddenly developed a migraine."  Andros said
holding on to the table.

Finally three figures coalesced.  Zane had his eyes closed tightly.  The
other was seated on the floor with his hand plastered to the other's
temple.  Tommy was lying flat on the ground.  He was breathing but ever
so lightly.  Zane finally opened his eyes.

"We made it."  He said looking down at his two charges.  "Damn!  Andros
I think we have a problem."

_===_

"Carlos, let's get Tommy.  We need to get back."  Zane said.

"Yeah.  Do you know where he went?"  I asked.

"Hold on."  Zane said closing his eyes for a second.  "That's strange.
He is near and extremely afraid.  Fearful.  As if something was
threatening him."  Zane was already on the run.  I felt the intense fear
to I was right behind him.

I wondered what would do that.  We were on the ship and nothing would or
could get to us.  I followed Zane as we snaked our way through the
ship.  Apparently he had barricaded himself in the mess hall.  When we
got there, chairs were piled up high and we could see him huddled in a
far corner.  I opened myself up to what ever he was feeling.  The pain,
humiliation and fear swept over me.  A picture kept flashing in my
mind.  I tried to concentrate on seeing who it was.  I leaned against
the wall and closed my eyes.  The picture flashed back and this time I
got a good look.  I immediately started sweating and breathing heavy.  I
reached out and grabbed Zane's arm.

"Zane he is having flashbacks.  He is paralyzed with fear.  He feels as
if he was back in Nikkolo's den.  He thinks we are Nikkolo."  I said
finally understanding and realizing why Jason was so protective.

"What do we do?"  Zane asked.

"Can we help?"  TJ asked from behind me.

"I don't know what we can do."  I said.  "Hold on wait.  Let me try
something.  When I have him, trigger whatever it is that gets us back to
our realm.  We can't do anything further here with him."

"Ok."  Zane said attaching a device to my wrist.

I went ahead and headed toward Tommy.  He was crying and moaning.  He
shook uncontrollably.  I opened my mind and sent gentle waves toward
him.  Happy thoughts and feelings.  His mind rebelled but with each step
I took he eased up slightly.  We tried this with Zane when he did this.
But Zane and I had a deeper bond and we were more than just
acquaintances.  I kneeled down beside him.  I looked over at Zane.  He
stood there in front of the other Andros.  The were talking in
whispers.  I saw Andros raise a hand and place it against Zane's cheek.
Zane nodded and turned around.  He knelt beside me.  I looked at him and
nodded I was ready.  I placed a hand on Tommy's cheek and concentrated
hard on him.  I tried to convince him to let me in.  But he was doing
extremely well blocking me out.  I motioned to Zane to get us home.  He
punched a button and the world turned topsy turvy.  Warped in and out.

_===_

It felt as if I was being bent and folded, wrapped and stretched.  It
was a very unusual feeling.  I felt something solid beneath me.  It was
the floor.  I could hear voices in the background.  I ignored my
surroundings trying to focus on the mind that kept retreating.  He was
moving further and further away.  I wasn't getting anywhere with him.
And I did not need to force him further inward.  I broke contact and
opened my eyes.  Andros and Zane were crowded over me.  Jason and Billy
were holding Tommy.  Off to the side was TJ.  He had a look of worry.

"We made it."  I tried to get out.  But it came as a whisper.

"Yes, yes we did."  Zane said.

"Andros."  I said as I threw my arms around his neck.  "Oh it's so good
to have my Andros here."

"Your Andros?"  Andros asked quizzically.

I laughed.  "Long story.  TJ--"  I said reaching for him.

"Carlos.  Are you alright?"  TJ said kneeling beside me.

"Yeah.  I think.  Just tired.  Is Tommy awake yet?"  I asked.

Jason sounded anguished.  "No.  He is barely breathing.  What happened?"

"Yeah.  Why were you linked with him?"  Andros said.

Zane popped in.  "I think I can explain that.  In the dimension we were
in, Tommy's counterpart was ... dead.  He didn't survive the run in with
Nikkolo.  I think that was too much for Tommy.  It seems from all
evidence he has paralyzing flashbacks to what happened."

Jason lowered his head.  "He kept saying they were ok.  Not too worry."

I coughed.  "Well this was enough to make him retreat far into his
mind.  I tried to anchor him for now.  But he kept retreating.  He does
not know me enough to innately trust me.  Not like you, me and Zane when
Zane would retreat.  We need somebody who he trusts to bring him back.
But the four of us are the only ones that can do this to my knowledge."

Andros sat there a second.  He looked at Zane.  And Zane shook his
head.  "Andros I know what you are thinking.  It has never been done."

"Well we were able to bond with Carlos here."  He said touching my
cheek.  They both looked at Jason.

"Please I would do anything to help him."  He said stroking Tommy's
hair.


_===_

 Jason was looking at us expectantly.  We had to try.  One way or the
other.  Andros was considering forcing a temporary bond.  One of us
would need to bond with Jason and act as a bridge, while another most
likely Zane would guide and anchor Tommy.  I will probably stay out of
the bond and monitor them so that I could bring them out of it if it
goes awry.

"Jason, I need you to trust me.  It will feel strange at first and most
likely frightening."  Andros explained.

"Ok.  What are we going to do?"  He asked.

"You ready, Zane."  Andros asked.

"Yeah."  Zane said reaching down taking Tommy's hand.

"I will stay on the fringes.  I will intervene if there are problems."
I said.

Andros grabbed Jason's hand then Tommy's.  He closed his eyes and
started to slow his breathing.  Jason looked at me.  I tried to calm
him.  I waited there for a bit.  Let them get started.  I opened my mind
and started to feel the resistance Tommy was putting up.  Andros had
Jason cradled.  Jason was using Andros' link to Tommy.  I could see them
arguing and Tommy running off then stopping and coming back.  They were
not getting anywhere.  I pulled back a bit.  Andros was breathing fast
and quick.  Zane was crying.  Jason was also crying and shaking.  This
may be too much for them.  I moved back in to the bond.  He had
retreated further.  They were getting no where.  It may already be too
late.  I could not sit back and wait.  I could bolster their waning
energy.  I laid a hand on Tommy's stomach and closed my eyes.  I was
immediately pulled in.  I could see Tommy and Zane and off to the side
was Jason and Tommy.

"Zane how's it going?"  I asked in our ethereal world.

"What are you doing here?"  He asked.

"I could not just sit back.  You looked as if you needed a relief so
here I am."  I said.

Andros looked at me.  "Tommy is fighting us.  Seems his mind is at its
weakest."

"Could I try?"  I asked.

"Couldn't hurt."  They said.

I steeled myself and walked over to where they stood.  Jason was
pleading with Tommy.

"Hey Tommy."  I said.

"Who are you?"  He asked.

"It's Carlos.  Your friend.  You remember me."  I said.  He just stood
there.  "Tommy, Jason needs you.  He loves you.  And I know you love
him.  Don't leave him."

He stood there.  He was not retreating any further.  "I care for you
too.  If it wasn't for you.  I would not have Zane and Andros.  I owe
you a lot."

Jason walked closer to him, he held out his hand.  "Come now Tommy let's
go home."  Tommy just looked at the hand.

"Here grab our hands.  We can take you out of this.  We are here to help
you. Come now.  Let us help you."  I said extending my hand too.

He reached up hesitantly and took Jason's hand.  Once he did that, his
eyes opened and he grabbed hold of  Jason.  They stood there in the
dream world for a second.  I reached over to them and touched both of
them.  Before I knew it I was in my body.  And I had one hell of a
headache.

"Did we get him?"  I asked the nearest person.

"Yes. Yes you did."  TJ said holding me.

"How is Zane and Andros?"  I asked.

"They are fine.  They are resting in the other room."  TJ said.

"Let's walk outside.  I need some air."  I said.

"Ok."  He said as we opened the door.

The air is cool and the stars are out.  The events of the last day have
been tiring.  Traveling from one dimension to another can be draining.
The minor differences in universes made you think of what could have
been.  All it takes is making one decision different.  I shook my head.
Thinking if it could give you headache.

"What are ya thinking about Carlos?"  TJ said smiling at me.

"I was thinking how one decision can change everything."  I said as I
sat in a lawn chair.

"Really? Was it that much different there?"  TJ asked.

"Yes and no.  Ash and Andros were together.  Zane, well, he wasn't
there.  You and I..."  I stopped before I went further.

"You and I what?"  TJ asked.

I blushed.  "Well you and I were together.  We shared a bed, quarters
and we looked extremely happy."

I looked at him for his reaction.

"We were--"  He sounded wistful as he sat down.

I watched him a second, I knew what was wrong.  But I need to give him
the chance to say something.  "What's up TJ?  Since the last battle you
have been distant.  We haven't had our usual game of basketball on the
simu-deck.  Is everything ok?"

He looked at me and I could tell what was going through his mind.  He
turned away.  I laid a hand on his shoulder.  He tensed.   I turned him
so he faced me.  I searched his eyes and found only hurt.  I couldn't
fathom it.

"Are you going to tell me?"  I asked.

He started to say something.  But I felt him reach up place both hands
on my face and pull me into a deep and yearning kiss.  He had a warm
touch.  His lips were soft, his hands strong.  I was not surprised he
did this.  And I was not opposed to it either.  After spending time with
the other TJ, I realized I cared more for him than I thought.  He broke
the kiss.  There was a look of shock on his face.

"I--I am sorry ... I shouldn't have done that."  He said as he got up and ran
away.

I tried to reach up and grab him.  But I was too slow.  "TJ!!!!  Wait!"
I yelled.

Damn I thought to myself.  What did I do?  What am I going to do?  I
leaned back and closed my eyes.  I was tired.  Today took a lot out of
me.  Zane said he had an answer for TJ.

"I do."  Zane said standing over me.  He was smiling down.

"Did you see what happened?"  I asked.  He nodded.

"Your not upset about what happened."  I asked incredulously.

"No, I knew it would happen some time.  It was just a matter of when."
Zane said.

There was a motion from the corner of my eye.  It was Andros.  He walked
outside looking for us.  He looked tired and beleaguered.  I watched
take a deep breath and close his eyes.  He turned to us and walked over
to where he stood next to me.  He motioned for me to scoot over so he
could sit beside me.  The chair wasn't big enough so he wound up sitting
partially in the chair and my lap.  I wrapped my arms around him and
hugged him close.

"That was wild.  Tommy still has a lot to deal with.  But he has been
messed with so much I am surprised he hasn't went crazy yet."  Andros
said.

"Your right.  But he will make it.  Jason is just going to have to be
strong for the both of them."  Zane said.  Zane was still looking off
after TJ.

Andros looked at him then at me.  I felt Andros passively scan me and
obviously he did Zane too.  Zane slowly turned his head in Andros'
direction.  Andros just shook his head.  I noticed he was thinking and I
could feel there was a conversation going on between them.  It would
have bothered me them doing that.  But I am too tired to even consider
it.

"Ok, what are y'all talking about?"  I said plastering them with a
stare.

Andros kissed me on the top of the head.  "We were talking about TJ."

"I figured that.  Zane what were you going to say?  You said you have a
way to help him."  I asked.

Zane and Andros exchanged looks.  "Well we--we have noticed his
distancing himself.  And when Ash mentioned his feelings toward you.  We
thought it would blow over.  But he really does love you."

Andros picked up where Zane left off.  "You should have seen how angry
he was when he called to check on us.  When I told him you were
missing.  Oh was he mad that I did not call him.  Though he covered it
quickly."

I let out a breath.  "The alternate universe TJ watched over me, while I
was there.  He was so gentle, caring.  And when my counterpart showed
up, it was very evident that they loved each other.  I would have
figured seeing myself with him would be difficult.  But it wasn't.  And
he just kissed me a few minutes ago."

"Yes, we saw.  I think you and him need to talk.  He needs to move on.
He will only hurt more if he doesn't."  Andros said.

_===_

I headed to the park.  I could not believe what I am going to do.  I was
approaching the edge of the park.  I had not seen him yet.  I was trying
to remember where we actually met.  I walked around.  I was beginning to
wonder if he came here at all.  Then I saw him over by the jungle gym.
He was sitting, with his shoulders slouched.  His shoulders shook
lightly.  He was crying.  I walked up quietly.

"TJ?"  I called out.  I must have surprised him.

"Carlos, how did you find me?"  He said wiping the tears away.  "Is
something wrong?"

I looked at him.  "Yeah something is wrong.  You shouldn't be this
upset."

"Huh?  I know I shouldn't have kissed you."  He said sitting heavily
down.

"No, it's not that.  Why did you never tell me?"  I asked sitting beside
him and wrapping an arm around him.

"I couldn't.  At the time I got the courage to tell you.  The three of
you began your relationship.  And the last thing I ever wanted was to
hurt you.  So I kept it to myself."  He said.

"Oh, I would come in and tell you all this stuff.  Not realizing how
much it was hurting you."  I said berating myself for being so clueless.

"No--"  He said turning to me.  "I wanted you to tell me about it and
talk to me.  It hurt but ... I loved you."

He meant it.  I could tell by eyes.  I could see that no matter what I
said he would still regret his path not taken.  But it was heart warming
to have such a friend.  I laid my arm across his shoulder and just sat
there for a bit.  I cared for him but in a more brotherly way.

"TJ, I don't want you to feel like this.  I can't stand hurting you like
this.  I care for you a lot.  Your like a brother to me."

"I know.  It will take time.  I can see that you three are happy
together and I am happy for you.  But no matter what I still care deeply
for you."  TJ said wiping his tears. "I will be ok.  Don't worry so
much."  He said mussing my hair.

"Thanks.  And to be honest if I things hadn't gone the way they did.  I
would not have hesitated if I knew of your feelings."  I said rubbing my
hands together.

He just beamed at me.  "Hey let's get back before they started thinking
anything."

"Okay."  I said.

We were half-way back when he turned to me.  "Shit, I forgot about your
link with Zane and Andros.  Do you think they will be mad about me
kissing you?"

I closed my eyes and chuckled lightly.  "Well we'll see.  They already
know."

His only reaction was to chuckle.