Date: Wed, 28 Sep 2005 15:19:41 +0200
From: jerichoholic #1 <beer4myhorses@hotmail.com>
Subject: Paul & Josh / chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: The following story is completely FICTIONAL
is does not imply anything concerning the private life of
Paul walker or Josh Hartnett. I don't know them and I
don't know anything about their lives. This story is only
meant as fiction and does in no way describe real
occurrences, situations or facts. All other persons
mentioned in this story are fictional. Any resemblance to
an existing person, company or business is totally
coincidental.

Author's note: Just want to stress again that this story
is complete fiction. In this chapter there's some talk
about their families and childhood. That's all made up
ok. I have no idea what their real lives look like so
please keep that in mind. For the rest: Enjoy chapter 11
and please let me know what you think ok? I'm sorry it
took so long for me too finish this chapter but I really
didn't felt up to the task of writing it down, that's
over now though so we're rolling again...All I want to give
away right now is that this story has a few turns in
store you won't  expect. stay tuned: definitely more to
come.


Chapter 11:

The air was becoming quite frisk as the last rays of
sunlight disappeared behind the roofs. Both guys turned
up the collar of their coat. The winter was as good as
gone but when the sun had sank there still was a chill in
the air. Josh and Paul were walking quietly along the
streets of Paul's old neighbourhood. It seemed as if all
life had faded simultaneously with the sunlight. the
bicycles, footballs and jumping-ropes left on different
front lawns reminded any spectator that the streets would
be filled with life again the next day. Josh got the
impression Paul was specifically going somewhere. When he
had suggested going for a walk, earlier that evening,
Josh thought they were just going to take a tour around
the block. Now it seemed Paul had a destination in mind.

As they were walking Paul would occasionally look over at
Josh. He couldn't help but noticing Josh looked quite
cute in the orange light beaming from the street lights.
Just looking at Josh gave him a warm feeling inside. A
feeling that was only fortified by the contrasting cold
in the air. It was hard to describe his feelings, even to
himself. "Safety" was a word that would often cross his
mind. For the first time in his life he felt completely
safe, like nothing could happen. Like nothing could touch
him. It was a sensation he cherished every second. Josh
meanwhile had noticed Paul glancing over.

  "what?" he asked Paul

"Nothing..." Paul replied "...You know I love you right?"

"sure I do" Josh answered. he was a bit surprised. Paul
was usually not this direct when it came to feelings.  He
asked Paul about it.

Truth was Paul had no idea why he just said that. He
meant  it, sure. But why he said it right then and there
was a mystery even to him. It was almost as if he needed
to make sure.

"I don't know why I said it" he told Josh "do you
remember earlier today in the car, when you said it seems
surreal how we have grown so close so fast?"

Josh nodded he did remember.

"Guess I was wondering about that as well." Paul smiled
nervously.

Josh smiled as he put one arm around Paul's shoulders and
pulled him closer. "I do to" he said softly.

"what do you mean?" Paul asked confused.

"I love you to" Josh whispered.

...

In the meantime, back at the house, Paul's parents where
sitting in the sofa in front of the TV. Mary-Ann had just
made the both of them a cup of coffee which they were
enjoying right now.

"So what do you think of Josh?" Mary-Ann asked her
husband.

"he seems a very nice guy" Tom answered.

"Doesn't he" Mary-Ann agreed. "And I've never seen Paul
more happy than today."

"It's good to see him up and about again..." Tom nodded.

"Thank God for that" Mary-Ann spoke softly. "I don't
think I'll ever forget that day."

"Those were the scariest moments of our lives" Tom said,
"but they're behind us now."

They both drifted of in their own thoughts. Mary-Ann
thought about what they had just said. She could tell
Paul was incredibly happy and that was something she was
very thankful for. She could see the love that was so
obviously there in their eyes. She was happy that Paul
had finally found someone. He deserved to be happy. But
there was something that concerned her. She knew about
the pain Paul carried with him, but today at the dinner
table she had noticed the same thing about Josh. There
was something about him that led her to believe his life
hadn't been easy neither. She knew that there would come
a time when they would both have to deal with that...She
hoped both boys would be able to handle it when that time
would come. If their love was real, and she was sure it
was, she was confident they would be, but it wouldn't be
easy.

...

 "Tom...wake up Tom!" Mary-Ann had just burst into the room
and was screaming almost hysterically at her husband.

"what's going on?" Tom asked confused while he sat up in
the bed.

"Paul is gone!" Mary-Ann spoke in a loud and worried
voice.

"What do you mean...gone?" Tom didn't understand what his
wife was saying to him since the sleep hadn't completely
gone away.

"He's not in his room!" Mary-Ann replied, trying to
control her panic.

"So?...Maybe he's in the cantina of the hotel, or out for a
morning walk." Tom said calmly, still not sure why his
wife was acting so excited.

"No...He isn't...the receptionist at the desk said he checked
out late last night" Mary-Ann said.

Now Tom was beginning to worry to. It wasn't like Paul at
all to just leave without saying something. And if what
his wife said was true he had been gone all night. In no
time he got up and dressed.

"come with me!" he said to his wife.

they left their hotel-room and walked to the front desk.

"Your Spanish is better" tom said to his wife, "ask for
the key of Paul's room."

After explaining the situation to the receptionist they
got the key to Paul's room. Tom opened the door and
looked around. Everything seemed normal. Paul's suitcase
was still on the floor. There were some clothes scattered
on the furniture...then something caught his attention. He
walked to the bed and picked up the small white envelop
that was lying on Paul's pillow. He quickly opened it and
read the note that was inside. As he read the line that
was written there his eyes grew big. Without saying a
word he passed the note to his wife. She gasped as she
read...

"I'm sorry!"

...

The evening walk had brought Paul and Josh to the
bleachers of a small little-league field. While the wind
carried the last remains of the summer heat with it's
breath the sat down overlooking the abandoned field. The
night was cooling down rapidly signifying winter was
around the corner. They sat close together shielded from
the cold by their coats and each-other. For a while
nothing was said. Being in each-others company was enough
for both guys who were still amazed by the change their
life had underwent in such a short amount of time. It
felt as if they were long lost friends who had found ach-
other, when they had only known each-other for a couple
of weeks. It was a feeling that was both assuring and
confusing.

"I don't think I've ever seen the moon that big" Josh
said as he overlooked the field. Above, in the sky was a
huge moon radiating in a warm orange glow, looking down
on them.

Paul had noticed too. He had seen  a similar moon once.
So big and present you almost felt dwarfed by it. Only it
had been grey then, now it was orange, almost brown. Then
it had been threatening, now it seemed to smile at him.
"Strange" he mumbled.

"What?" Josh asked.

"Nothing" Paul replied as he nodded to the sky  "the
moon...it looks strange"

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket and lit
it. As he exhaled the smoke he continued "How can it look
so big at one time, and so insignificant at another?"

"It's an illusion" Josh answered, while examining the
moon with his eyes.

"how do you mean?" Paul asked.

"Because it is so low, you see it together with roof
tops, trees and so on...it distorts your sense of
proportion. The moon hasn't grown, your brain just can't
put it in perspective." Josh explained.

"Interesting" Paul said. "So it's not the moon that looks
big,...it's everything around it that makes it look big?"

"exactly" Josh smiled, "you catch on quickly."

"Well mr. scientist..." Paul said, as he threw the
cigarette but on the grass  "I think it's about time we
head back home."

As they left the bleachers the were waved off by the
rasps of a stately raven sitting on top of a streetlight
near the field.  The orange light threw the bird's shadow
on the road. the bird quickly cleaned it's feathers with
it's beak before it flew of into the nightly shore,
leaving the field completely abandoned for the night.

...

When they entered the house Paul's parents had already
gone to bed. Paul quickly put some light back on before
he hung their coats in the closet. They made their way to
the living room and sat down in the couch in front of the
TV. Paul was switching the channels to see if anything
interesting was on this late. When he couldn't find
anything immediately he switched to CMT and sat back in
the sofa. He quickly sat up again and asked Josh if he
wanted anything to drink. After he had returned with two
beers he sat down again .

"what time tomorrow are we going to head back for NY?"
Josh asked.

"somewhere in the afternoon" Paul answered. "It's quite a
drive and I don't want to be on the road too late."

"Just one more week of filming and our job is done" Josh
sighed.

"Yeah...It's gone fast." Paul agreed. "Thank god we didn't
have to go to I don't know how many different locations
for this one."

"I know..." Josh agreed. "only six weeks to complete
filming, I've seen it take a whole lot longer."

"But the days we pulled were long!" Paul added. "fifteen
hours of non stop filming isn't something I'm used to, or
can grow accustomed to for that matter."

"You're right" Josh agreed, "but it was worth it wasn't
it."

"It was." Paul said. "It definitely was."

With that another silence fell. Both guys just sat there
watching the TV with one eye,  an each-other with the
other eye. Paul felt Josh leaning against his shoulder so
he adjusted himself a bit to allow Josh to lean into him.
With josh laying somewhat next to him, his head on his
chest Paul turned his attention back to the screen. After
a while he noticed josh had fallen asleep. He smiled at
the sight of Josh sleeping on his chest. It was just one
of those moments that seemed insignificant but meant a
lot to him. he gently ran his hand through Josh's black
hair as he felt josh's rhythmic breathing against him.
After about fifteen minutes Paul gently pushed Josh in
the side to wake him up.

"I think we better go to bed as well." Paul whispered.

"You're probably right" Josh agreed, still half asleep.

Paul switched off the TV and both guys headed upstairs,
trying not to make too much noise as to not to disturb
Paul's parents who were already sleeping. Halfway through
the hallway  Paul suddenly stopped.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked.

Paul seemed to think for a few seconds then said:
"nothing". He continued to walk towards his old room and
showed Josh in. Josh was quite intrigued by the room,
that hadn't changed a bit since Paul had left it behind
so many years ago. There was mostly wooden furniture
complementing the wooden ceiling, giving the room a very
rustic atmosphere. There were two or three posters of
James Dean against the wall, and one Elvis poster above
the bed. The one thing that really stood out was the huge
Texas state flag on the wall opposing the bed. Josh
walked around a bit and looked around while Paul prepared
the bed.

"Where did you get this?" Josh asked, referring to the
picture frame he was holding. Inside was a signed picture
of Willie Nelson.

"Oh I met him a couple of years ago after a concert."
Paul explained. "Real nice guy."

"Cool" Josh said as he carefully put the picture back in
its place. "This room is nice." He added

"Thanks" Paul smiled, "it's been a  while since I've been
in here"

"Are those yours?" Josh asked as he pointed to the
Whiskey bottles standing in a rack near the window.

"Yeah, they are," Paul answered "I had forgotten all
about them."

He walked over to where Josh was standing and let his
eyes glide over the rack. He looked at Josh and said in a
playful voice: "best companion on a lonely night".

"You need some time alone with them?" Josh said jokingly.

"well, I wasn't going to mention it, but since you
asked..." Paul played along.

Both guys laughed. They soon decided to go to sleep. It
was late and they had a long drive earlier so the fatigue
was setting in. Paul's old bed wasn't exactly built for
two persons, but the moved close to each other. Neither
one, off course, minded this. "What were you thinking of
just now in the hallway?" Josh asked Paul.

"Oh, it was nothing" Paul answered. "I just forgot to
discuss with my folks where you would sleep. They might
have thought you'd sleep in the guest-room"

"You think I shouldn't be here?" Josh asked.

"No, no,...I want you here." Paul corrected himself
quickly. "I don't really expect them to have a problem
with it...and I wouldn't have it any other way."

After a while both guys slowly fell asleep. Paul had put
his arm around Josh, who was laying on his back, and had
put his head to rest against his shoulder. Outside the
wind could be heard, blowing calmly over the street. The
moon continued it's voyage through the nightly sky and
for a brief time,...it seemed as if the world turned
slower, just to make the night last a little longer.

...

Josh awoke when the first rays of sunlight fell on his
face through the window. It took him a few seconds to
realize where he was. A smile appeared on his face when
he noticed Paul, who was still asleep, lying on his
chest. He felt Paul's rhythmic breathing on his body
which was a quite warming feeling. He slowly put has arm
firmer around Paul, rubbing his index slowly across
Paul's upper arm. He could have just laid there for the
entire day if it was up to him. There's no way to
describe the feeling of waking up next to someone you
love, unless you lived it. Josh could look through the
window from where he was laying and saw it was another
beautiful day outside. The sun was beginning to dry up
the last remains of clouds that were still in the sky.

After a while Josh decided to get up. He very slowly made
his way out of bed. careful not to disturb Paul who was
still sleeping. Josh silently put his clothes on and left
the room. As a walked through the door he looked back at
Paul  and smiled when he saw the boy laying there so
peacefully.

He quietly made his way downstairs.  It seemed everyone
was still asleep. The drapes were still closed and the
living room was empty. Josh opened the curtains to let
the sunlight in. He walked in the kitchen looking for the
coffee machine. He didn't think anyone would mind if he
already made some coffee so after a few minutes the
machine was bubbling and within fifteen minutes Josh was
back in the living room enjoying a cup of strong coffee.
Since no-one else was up yet he decided to watch some TV.
He flipped through the channels till he found CMT, then
put the remote back on the table. He spent the next
fifteen minutes flipping through a magazine that he had
found laying on the table, and listening with one ear to
the music playing on the TV. Suddenly his attention was
drawn to the video that was playing on TV. He didn't
recognise the song but the subtitles said it was by an
artist named `Blaine Larsen'...At first Josh's attention
focussed more on the singer, who he thought was very
cute, but then the lyrics of the song caught his
attention.

"It was just another story written on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral
Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a
stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows"

Josh was taken aback by the lyrics of the song. It
triggered something inside of him he couldn't control. A
single tear rolled from his eye as the song continued to
play. He tried to reach for the remote, his eyes still
fixed on the Television set. After a few seconds his
fingers touched the remote. he quickly grabbed it and
turned of the TV. It took him some time to recollect
himself.

"It wasn't my fault"...he mumbled to himself. "I didn't
know."

"Didn't know what?" He heard a voice say behind him.

He looked around to see who was there. In the doorway was
Paul's mother who had just gotten up.

"Oh,...nothing" Josh answered her question. "I was just
thinking about this scene Me and Paul shot last
week...guess I was saying the dialogue out loud." He
lied..."I didn't wake you I hope?" He asked.


"No...No..." Mary-Ann smiled, the alarm clock did.

"I hope you don't mind I made some coffee earlier?" Josh
asked her.

"Oh no," She smiled "I think I'm going to get me a cup as
well...Paul still sleeping?"

"Yeah...he's still asleep." Josh answered.

"You want some breakfast?" She asked him.

"no thanks,...I'm good" he said as he pointed to the cup of
coffee he was holding.

"what's with you kids these days" Mary-Ann said half
joking, half serious, "you kids never have breakfast
anymore."

"I don't know about others" Josh tried to answer," but my
days rarely are very structured...there's a lot of chaos
that comes with our job...so I'm usually not that hungry in
the morning."

When Paul's mother had prepared breakfast for her and her
husband,  who would be up in a little while, they sat
down at the kitchen table, enjoying their coffee and
talking a bit.

...

Back in New York the sun had also brightened up a dusty
and deteriorated hotel room. She had been up long before
the sun. On the table before her two candles were
burning. A black one and a purple one. The odour the
omitted was absolutely ghastly...like that of rotten fruit.
In between the two candles was a copper bowl filled with
water.  Out of a leather bag she carried on her hip she
pulled some dried weeds. She used her hands to grind them
to powder above the bowl. After she had done this she
reached for a small  purple velvet  bag on the other end
of the table. It contained the bones of some small
animal. She held them above the bowl with both hands.
Slowly she let them fall in the water. She carefully
studied how the bones sank into the bowl, observed where
they landed and how they fell in relation to each-other.
She stared at the bones, at the bottom of the bowl, for a
good ten minutes before she whispered..."so, he's left
town...good...but time is running out, running out fast."

...

"So you used to live in Australia?"

Josh looked up at Paul's mother. He had been day-dreaming
a bit so it took a few moments before he was back at
reality.

"Yeah, a long time ago...Used to live there with my aunt
and uncle for a few years. " he answered.

"How did that come about?" Mary-Ann asked quite
interested.

"Well..." Josh answered in-between two sips of coffee, "My
father is in the military, and he was stationed there for
a while, but when he was re-located to Germany, they
decided it was best for me to stay there to finish
school."

"and your aunt and uncle?" Mary-Ann asked a bit confused.

"Army..." Josh answered while swallowing another sip of
coffee. "It's a family tradition sort of speak, we all
join the army." then he fell silent for a moment. "except
me that is."

"Your parents weren't too happy with that?" Mary-Ann
asked, while she could already guess the answer.

"Not exactly..." Josh sighed "I'm sort of the family
disappointment that way. But they came around a bit after
they saw I was doing alright for myself in the acting
business."

"Do they know about..." Mary-Ann started to ask.

"Oh no!" Josh interrupted her..."They are definitely not
ready for that yet!"

A short silence fell. Both took a few seconds to let the
conversation sink in.

"So what was Australia like?" Mary-Ann asked in an
attempt to brighten up the conversation.

"Oh it's amazing" josh said enthusiastically, "It's the
most beautiful country...The nature and the wildlife are
just amazing...and it has the most beautiful deserts...I
can't even begin to describe it, unless you've ever seen
it...Have you ever seen a desert?"

Mary-Ann was taken aback by the unexpected question. She
seemed to struggle for words a few seconds. Then her eyes
fell on the doorway behind Josh. Josh turned around to
see Paul standing in the door. Mary-Ann looked at Paul as
if she was asking his permission. Paul quickly shook his
head as to say `no'. Josh noticed there was a sudden
tension in the room.

"Did I say anything wrong?" He asked, not sure what was
going on.

Paul sat down next to him and quickly kissed him on the
cheek. "Good morning..." He said, "no you didn't say
anything wrong, I'll explain later."

Josh didn't understand what was going on. Why did a
simple question like that upset Paul's mother like that.
What was there to explain? He felt there was more to
it...but if Paul said he would explain later, that was good
enough for him.

The morning passed quickly. Too quickly maybe. After
Dinner the time came for both guys to head back for NY.
The goodbye took quite a while and both boys had to
promise to come back soon. The sun was at his highest
peak when Paul's car pulled out of the driveway. Tom and
Mary-Ann stood on the front porch waving them off.

"So what did you think?" Paul asked Josh, referring to
the past two days.

"Your parents are very nice people" Josh answered,
"thanks for introducing me."

"sure thing" Paul smiled.

They continued driving. Before long they were on the
freeway, back to NY. After about an hour Josh noticed
Paul took an off ramp, leaving the freeway.

"Why are you leaving the freeway?" He asked Paul.

Paul sighed, "We need to talk" he said.

...

well that's all for chapter 11. Sorry it took such a long
time to complete but I'll try my very best to keep
posting new chapters more quickly from now on. Please
don't hesitate to let me know what you think, my mail-
address is beer4myhorses@hotmail.com

Chapter 12. will be posted soon, don't worry.

thanx for waiting.