Date: Sun, 29 Feb 2004 21:32:24 EST
From: J
Subject: PETER PAN AND ME 26

CHAPTER 26: CURSED MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

"You never know what you had until it's gone."

Okay, it works like this. I mean the first thing I wanna tell ya is that
for some reason, Sole looks like either the kid in the movie SHIPWRECKED
or the model on line called Tobias Schoenenberg. Why that comes to me now
is beyond me. Another blooming thing that bothers me is that, well, Peter
speaks with an American accent, mid western, southern California to be
honest. And so fucking what? People have seen too many movies where the
accents don't match the location but I tell you, while Peter certainly
came from London, England near the Gardens, he grew (yes he must have
grown alittle since he left when he was oh, seven days old on some
accounts, a few hours on other accounts) up around freakin fairies for
Pete's sake. So most of these spoke with accents, including American
ones. Also in fact, Peter spent more time with the more common class
fairies who spoke, well American! Yeah let's face it they were more lower
class, Tink and her crowd were. So their language and accent changed
Peter's from British to American. So let's get off our high horse and
realize that Peter speaks with an American accent. I should know. I've
heard him up close and personal, so there! 

"If I ever catch up to you, I'm gonna love ya for the rest of your life."

What is going on with my thoughts?

We flew all the way round the world. "If you read my mind, what do I
want?"

"What I want."

The boys needed his help. We landed on the Great Wall of China, the
Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty. We landed on bridges to sleep. We
flew and flew. We checked out the entire world to figure out where would
be a good possibility. We slept on the Statue of Liberty and tried to
find a place on the Empire State Building. Many of us fell asleep in the
air at times. Of course we had to settle for New York now, Long Island.
My parents were glad to see us. We went through time and back to when I
was taken but I remained a little boy at the age of 11. We needed help.
We came up with some cock and bull story (more cock than bull) about us
being refugees from a crazy family in England. Kept the authorities busy
trying to find them and off our backs. We, my parents got money from the
Adoption Administration, roughly 1000 dollars per Lost Boy and Peter. It
was hard for Peter. He had some trouble adjusting to school and they put
him in a special ed class where he excelled really. He could read and
write now. He began to tell stories everyone loved. Almost everyone. Gym
class was, well, brilliant for him. They wanted to put him on meds,
though, cause he couldn't really stay with any one thing too long. He was
in gymnastics and he kept flying around. It was amazing no one that
mattered saw him. By that I mean those that saw him did matter but they
weren't going to complain. And just getting him seen was an adventure in
and of itself. Adults could not see him. Some teens could not see him and
scarily enough some kids and children couldn't see him. We had to un-jade
them. Jaded people could not see him. Eventually we found a way to make
everyone see him somewhat. No one saw him the same way exactly like the
other did, except married couples who loved each other. My parents saw
him the same way I did and they each did. Getting him to wear clothing
was tough. All the Lost Boys fit in rather well but at first we had to
stop them from flying after the School Bus that drove them to school.
Sole and Jennie did rather well in school. Je'ne was a freakin genius.
Rico, Rollin, Pare, and Aoi were handfuls and only Aoi excelled in
academics, although none of them were dumb or behind par. The Irish
triplets had to be put in the same classes because they refused to be
away from each other. I told the school this right away and oddly enough
after day one they listened to my request. It was strange after
Neverland, coming back. I had to do it all over again. School. Yuck.

I, of course, grew up faster. No one seemed to notice, on the outside. Of
course my family knew. My cousins knew. Peter grew up faster than the
boys because he wanted to keep up with me. I hoped he didn't hold it
against me.

By the time we were older we moved to Monterey, California. Peter and I
both liked it warm and we both wanted a place where there was no to
little snow. We had our own home now. I stayed home most of the time,
although I worked part time in a school. The same school that Peter
worked in. We had enough money from various treasures and stuff not to
have to work but Peter had to work. He knew he had to and he knew he
could not sit behind a desk in some office. He would die first. He became
a phys. ed teacher. The students were amazed and charmed by him, the
bullies were bullied by him, the worst athletic kids were always picked
first in picking sides for teams. Peter once tried to teach flying and
almost got in trouble.

By the way, Peter once beat up an administrator who nagged him. Turns out
the guy was abusing girls in his office. Peter turned out to be hero and
kept his job. He wins out...a lot.

I kissed my 50 year old blond beauty boy goodbye for one more day at the
office. I got the kids off to high school. Jennie had a hearing aide but
he still could not hear. He still had telepathy. I was ironing--hey I did
31 loads a day of laundry. Sigh. I sometimes longed for the NeverLand way
of doing things but I didn't think there was any going back. There was
but that was another story to be told another time. I turned on the
TV...nothing really good on. I hated watching news but it was on that
channel. Peter loved the news cause he was always finding out new things
about our world that made him think of adventures and new stories. There
on the news was my Peter. Well, not my peter but my Peter. What the hell?
I checked the other stations. "Oh no."

Three kids with a lot of firepower attacked the school Peter was in. They
started in the cafeteria. They had machine guns. Rifles, pistols. It was
amazing that no one was shot or hurt. Many kids got out of the cafeteria
but some had to duck under tables, turned tables over to hide, and some
were just out in the open. One girl had a small table she was under
turned over by this geekly long haired shooter. He pointed a rifle right
in her face, "Do you believe in God?"

The girl couldn't talk, she was in so much fear. She was crying and
shaking. Her mascara was running. The boys who were doing this targeted
everyone: jocks, cheerleaders, fat boys, boys with glasses, boys who were
lost boys. Yeah some of my boys were in that cafeteria, trying to get to
the would be killers. It didn't matter. They didn't get a chance. As the
near killer shoved the rifle into the girl's face to shoot, his fingers
moving to kill her, the crash that came startled him. Peter Pan, now
named Pandopolus, our made up name for him, crashed feet first through
the skylight which was directly overhead. Feet first he hit the back of
the boy, slammed his elbows into the teen's back and floored him, the
rifle scattering across the floor to be grabbed up by Je'ne.

Under another table, Sole had said, "Screw this!" And ran out to be
faced with a machine gun toting second boy, a redhead with dirty long
trenchcoat on. "Uh..." 

Peter saw the other near killer near by. He launched his body up, feet
hit the gun and the boy was floored, then he kicked off that kid and flew
across a table, grabbing up a snack tray and tossing it at the third
attacker who pulled the trigger on the machine gun. But as he pulled, the
tray hit him in the spine, crippling him forever. But saving Sole. Soon
Lost Boys and Peter Pan had all the attackers hostage for the police. "Oh
good," I sighed. Rollin, of course, had punched the trenchcoat
near-killers in the face more times than he had to but...there you go.

The baby cried. Yeah baby. That's the strange thing: My sister knew we
wanted a child of our own. So she donated eggs to have Peter...well
within a medical lab of course, Peter's sperm would be mixed with her
eggs to make a baby. Science was like Magic to Peter and he didn't fear
it as much as he used to. So we had a baby boy named Jackie. He was cute.
He looked like me though. Later we decided to have another baby and it
was a girl. We actually looked up the Darling family tree, told them the
truth about us, and they were more than happy to have their girls donate
eggs to have us have another baby. The girl we had we called Lily using
my sperm and the Darling female line's egg!

Back to the news as I gave the baby his bottle. Peter must have done
more. Somehow bombs that the boys planted all over the school never went
off. One witness thought he saw a man dressed in gym outfit, throwing one
up to the sun. Well, it could happen. I smiled.

Watching him watch TV was something. When he could sit still, well, which
wasn't often, he was like, thinking up new creations and stories, "Say,
what if Everwood took place in the same town as Gilmore Girls and in
Sunnydale so Buffy could, like kick that whiny spoiled cry baby (but
cute) Efram's ass, and if One Tree Hill took place there and in the same
town we had like 7th Heaven and..."

"You are the only heaven I need," I told my 50 year old Peter Pan, who
was, let me tell you in some great shape. Broad shoulders, muscled abs,
tight butt. And yeah since we gave up everything...some days, most days I
think of the Neverlands and how we were jack fools to give it all up for
this...but we are together and we will move on when we die...for we don't
really die...but I wonder how much easier it is there, life, smelling the
roses....but since we gave up everything for this....why shouldn't we
enjoy the things Peter didn't...couldn't...or wouldn't do...I didn't
think Peter would like THAT at first. But it was such an adult thing to
do but really if you think about it, it's not that adult. I mean kids and
teens can do it but they really can't handle a lot of it or what does go
with it for full enjoyment. They think they can and that's where a lot of
the trouble for them comes. Peter loved it. And loved it. I thought I
would love it so much after waiting so long for him to grow up but...man,
I was worn out. He wanted to do it four times a day and we did most days
but I was shot. I needed three days recovery. He didn't. And then there
was the inner child that was still there. "And hey yeah," he went on,
"N, like Smallville could take place in the same town too and Superboy
could finally learn to fly..." 

Things were good. Of course we didn't grow up as fast as everyone else
and oddly enough, no one seemed to notice. The boys were trouble but they
were likeable and mostly meant well. Rollin was the biggest handful. He
wanted sex all the time. For he knew what it was like before he came to
Neverland. Of course, he wanted parental supervision and I gave it to
him. Peter sort of lagged back and followed my lead. Then with the other
boys he would become mister sentimental or alternately Mister
Temperamental. In the end he got it right. That didn't sound right. In
the long run, he was a great father. They loved him and he loved them.
And I loved all of them. It was just one big love fest. Of course we were
good parents and sort of hard on the kids. And mostly were very
conservative.

Of course the gay thing was difficult at first. Everyone was against it.
Now everyone is for it. I think it was his overwhelmingly winning
personality that did it. I take no credit for it. I wanted to lash out,
get mad, and retreat but he wouldn't let me, the best in me came out. My
best. He touched things in me that I didn't know I had. Made me come out
of myself and tap into strength I was sure I didn't have. He was
like...like God somehow. I mean it. And maybe not God himself but
like...well like he was in communion with God. At times, I could swear he
was a demon right from prideful hell but then there were times, and
especially when we were combating the whole prejudice against gay dads
raising boys issues against what seemed like the whole town, he came out
with these God given virtues that I was sure he didn't have and knew I
ignored in myself. He brought out the best in everyone in those times.
I'm glad they are over, don't get me wrong. They were tough times but
they were ours. And he...he was just so kind and patient. He won over
almost the entire town and those that tried to fight us by force...well
let us just say they lost to the might and wrath of Peter Pan's full
strength. The others who were still hateful or jealous, well, they
either moved away or just got left alone. I thought at school the PTA was
going to be changed to stand for the Pan Teacher's Association. Peter got
all his degrees while surfboarding, hang gliding, rollerblading, boogie
boarding, skiiing, snow boarding, and all the rest...parachuting...he did
it all. And he got me dragged into it all too. I almost died a few times.
In many ways it was scarier than being in Neverland because here, it all
felt so real, too real. But then again it was always real there too, for
me Neverland was read. Because my love for him was real.

Real....real universal...universe...

Aoi became a karate instructor at even his very young age. Sole became a
minister and raised seven kids. Bailey entered the movie business,
animating credits and whole movies, while his brother who never used to
talk, Bo, became a first class actor and even played Peter Pan in a movie
sequel. Their other twin (!?), Barry, became a writer and wrote mostly
movies. Je'ne was a full time Peace Corp sailor. Landen worked as a
scientist finding a cure for both AIDS and cancer. Pa're organized a full
time almost coastal landscaping business AND Home Improvement Business,
and used Jonathan Taylor Thomas, whom the triplets, uh, twins knew from
Hollywood, as he spokesman. Jennie opened a school for the deaf. Rollin,
well, Rollin entered the porn business. He was very safe about it and to
be frank, I'm a bit embarrassed about it but, he followed his dream. On
the side, he began to help scientists and parapsychologists and
parascientists come together to solve some of the world's strangest
supernatural and scientific mysteries, almost at the same time, bridging
science and supernatural studies. You see, Rollin's IQ was as high as it
could have been. Eventually he quit doing porno and meet a nice boy his
own age and settled down on a mountain home in Flagstaff, Arizona. His
boyfriend/lovers' name was Justin. Rollin made hundreds of friends all
over the globe including three sisters who were charmed witches. Our boys
sometimes went on adventures all their own, once in awhile together as
when they prevented another major religious war in Ireland and the Mid
East (sigh to that) on two separate occasions, one adventure leading into
the other. We were proud of them.

Then someone got up off the couch and turned the channel. Oh, this life
I was just describing was on a TV set. Someone was watching as though it
were their life. Oh, that someone was me. The hand turned the channel
back and the movie that was on said, THE END. No, that was my life. The
life I wanted. The life I lead with the ageless aging but graceful Peter
Pan. A new channel. I must be dreaming I figured. This was a nice dream.
Peter was alive in it.

The new channel stopped. In it, Peter was a long haired prince in blue
velvet. Oh the fairy faggot that he is! I say that only in the most
noblest, teasing sense of the word. He was so graceful. Every move he
made he seemed as though he was in a choreography of some musical. He was
looking for me. Searching house to house in a huge kingdom. The Prince
from Neverland, Tyler was in one of the houses and he was trying to kiss
Peter on the mouth but Peter would not let him. Peter found me and put
the slipper on my foot. How gay!

I heard Wendy Darling's child like voice, "Cinderella."

The channel changed. I wanted that one back. Where is my phys ed teacher?
Seth was there offering with his two hands. Held in between his fingers
from each hand was a shiny red object, out of focus. "Eat, you must be
hungry. You have to keep up your strength for the return of your
prince..." My hands took the apple and I, with urging from the nearly
naked Seth, bit into it. One bite and he laughed. And laughed.

"Boy, why are you laughing?" I asked Seth. He hardly seemed like a boy
but somehow he didn't quite seem like a man or even human for that
matter. Yet something in his eyes was sad, something human was in those
eyes. Something tragic. He laughed.

"Where is my Peter?" I tumbled to the soft hay on the ground outside the
eleven dwarfs' tiny cottage. Laughing, sprouting wings, Seth flew away.

The eleven children came out of the cottage. One was sneezing. One was
smiling. But not for long. They were, of course, Barry, Bo, Bailey, Sole,
Rico, Pare, Aoi, Je'ne, Jennie, Landen, and Rollin. When they saw me they
cried. The smiling one, Rollin, dropped a tear onto my cheek. They laid
me on a bed outside. Peter came to me, "Where is the love of my life?"

"He is..." Jennie could talk in this dream, "....dead...."

Peter looked at me, "Dead?" His head cocked like a lost dog or a cat
that heard a strange sound foreign to it. "It cannot be."

"They all end in a kiss!" I heard Hook's horrid voice mocking say.

Peter looked at me, "For he is just sleeping." He bent over me and put
his thick lips to my own. He pressed. He pressed. He puckered. He kissed.
Life flew from those lips into my mouth. Stirring. Energy. Gentle touch.
Love. Caring. Action. Faith. Hope. Beauty in soul. The eleven children
cheered as my hand raised to Peter's neck and rubbed the back of it. They
formed a circle around us and held hands and danced all around. Peter
picked me up and carried me, but I felt silly and got back down on my
feet.

"Snow White," Wendy said.

This went on for some time. Every time the channel in my mind changed,
some alternate universe or parallel land appeared with me and Peter as
the star lovers. In another I was Sleeping Beauty. Peter kissed me again.
I faked not waking up so that he had to keep trying and trying and
trying. I slipped him the tongue. "What's that?" He said to me, moving
upward away from my mouth.

"It's French," I woke up finally.

"You're alive!" Peter threw himself on top of my, laying across my body.

"You are very heavy!"

"Surprised?" Peter kissed my neck and put his hands behind my head to
rub my hair there.

"Yeah, you used to not weigh very much!" HUH!!! I shouldn't have said
that. That is that which must not be named.

Peter didn't seem to mind, "I weight more than thee, Sleeping Beauty no
more."

He smiled. I heard Wendy, "Sleeping Beauty."

In another we were Romeo and Juliet, except in our version, we were saved
from drinking the poison each by poor Tinkerbell, whom we had to save
using our faith in fairies and the faith of those who heard us. Of course
Peter was a better swordsman than Romeo could ever be and he beat down my
cousin Benvolio without accidentally killing him. Peter wanted to kill
him anyway and almost did but again, Tink, who was kind, loving, and
caring in this universe, stopped him. Thus Peter and I, Chase, united two
families that was at war for centuries and strangely enough, this time,
with Peter around, there were less deaths and less fights ending in
someone getting run through. Peter didn't always look happy about that
but here, it ended happily and he and I...

He was Flash Gordon, blond muscle man, flitting from light bridge to
light bridge in some throwback scientific savage planet called Mongo and
also on Mars. Daring, flying again due to wearing those silly Mongo capes
that made him able to use the wind to fly. I? I was Flash's Dale, Dale
can be a male name too. Although still a largely victimized male, I was
somewhat more scientifically minded, a sort of Dale and Zarkoff mix.
Rocket ships that looked like firecrackers were in their rear ends. It
was a strange universe.

Another universe in my dream scape was vampiric. I was the male vampire
and a really evil minded Peter was Lestat. Jennie was our "boy". Peter
was usually in charge. This was getting annoying. I'm always, or mostly
his bitch! Biting necks, I don't like that. I liked it when Peter bite
mine though. I felt like a pervert for that. Something about sleeping in
a coffin with him made me sick though. For deep down I knew he was really
dead.

Peter was Batman. Peter was Tarzan. James Bond. The Little Prince, that
was me. I was also Dorothy. Why was I getting mostly girl parts? I didn't
mind really (so long as Peter was there and mine) but I wanted some of
the macho stuff too. I got my wish when the channel stopped on Lost In
Space and I was the dad of a large clan of space lost kids, 12 boys, and
one girl, and Peter was the other dad, the smart one, who wore, if you
can believe this, glasses! Peter was Robin Hood. I was King Arthur. Peter
was Lancelot and he fell in love with me. I wondered how long this was
going to go on. I was on to it. It wasn't real. It was a dream. A long
dream, that I didn't want to wake up from. Then I did want to wake up for
I knew it was not real. Peter was dead. He was dead. For real. I had a
strange thought: everyone and everything that ever discussed Peter's
death or leaving this worldly plain for losing his life, had discussed
that Neverland would most likely be pulled apart or fade away or just
dissolve. No one expected it to remain the way it was with, well, with
almost no notice of Peter's having gone to heaven at all! At least I
think he went to heaven. If anything there was more peace here now. The
skies were clear, the weather finer. I almost wanted it to rain. The
depression of knowing Peter was dead and buried and having this dream go
on this long weighed heavy on me in my sleep. Why wasn't Neverland dying
too? 

In some of the dream universes, Peter died too. But the comfort of
knowing he was more alive in those lands that he did not die in, helped
me in this world. Where Peter was undeniably dead. How long? A week? Was
it? A month? I saw him die again and again. Funnily enough, I didn't
really think about who did it and why. I didn't have that macho revenge
thing going on. Peter was always asking for it, a death wish really? An
adrenalin rush? If he had adrenalin? Was he human? Demon?

I felt like Nicole Kidman in COLD MOUNTAIN. I was saying, "Come back,
come back to me," over and over again. Someone was trying to block that
out. And answer the question above. "Peter, come back to me."

"Yes, that's it. He was a demon! DEMON!"

"What he is! Why he is!" Hook's voice again.

I saw a long sword stab Peter right in his navel! It felt like it was
stabbing into mine! Through my belly button, out the button wall behind,
and ultimately, out my back and into the makeshift bed below it! I bent
and awoke with a screaming start! That was when I realized Seth was there
in the Underground House, on top of me laying on me! Bare chest to chest.
His entire nearly naked body on my entire nearly naked body. His hands
were above his head holding my wrists up, my arms up above my head. His
hairy armpits were rubbing against my bare ones. I could feel the
hairline of his belly rubbing against my bare tight lower stomach. At the
chest, where our nipples grew hard, Seth's neck held his head and face
upward so he could look at me, a strange smile written across his face!
How had he found this place? Hook helped him. Was I really awake? Seth
was on me and the Lost Boys were no where in the House. Seth so close, so
heavy on me. So tall. Seth was laying his body on top of mine, pressing
down, moving. And...I liked it.


The play Peter Pan and its characters are trademarks of and copyright
J.M. Barrie