Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2003 13:16:08 EST From: J Subject: PETER PAN 9 and 10 Part 9: NEVER THE LAND SHALL MEET I don't know what that title means. And I don't care. It sounds good. Peter took my hand and his felt smooth babylike in my own. He hauled my arm, "Peter, what...what're ya doin?" He lifted me up and up and up. I found myself pulled through one of the tree holes to the open air and past the forest greenery. I was wished and whisked up past the tops of the very trees. The ocean lay far below. A crisp clear morning and the sun felt near to me. "Peter stop! I don't have time for..." "We have all the time in the world!" He yelled and laughed. I laughed along with him. This nearly bare boy, bare belly, button on belly shallow. He pulled me up and up. Soon the sky blue gave way to blue black and finally the stars. I gasped, "Peter! Peter I can't..." "Stop your yapping!" He laughed. "Nooo," I found myself gasping more and more as the planets rushed past us, the sun departed and the air gave way to a vacuum. "Peter, I can't...I can't..." I was blacking out in the blackest of outer space. Found myself sucking in nothing. Breathing nothing. My mind raced. I'm going to die. I can't breath. "Of course you can," he said, "If I help you..." Then he did the most erotic thing he did since I came to the island. He reached down, let me fly a bit higher than him and he placed his mouth over mine, "I'll give you some." He clapped his lips over my own and I felt great air rushing into my lungs. I could breath. I thought I'd slap him or kill hm or something but suddenly as he breathed into me, some fairy dust on his tongue hit my body, and I felt..I don't know...I suddenly soared and shot up, away from him and he shot up after me, laughing in outer space. I saw bits and pieces of his adventures as I passed planets. My body felt, surged, energized. I thought I was having an orgasm...and not just from my dick either...but from every pore hole I had. My entire being surged. I didn't think anyone could feel this good! I throbbed with excitement, adventure and pure exhilaration. It didn't cease or ebb either but grew stronger as we sailed, he caught my arm in his hand and his powerful grip...for he was only a little boy...held me and made me stronger in my feeling of pure bliss. I saw a Space Family Robinson there. A set of people on a giant planet there. Peter said, "I was disappointed in Barry, he didn't want to stay young forever. He wanted to grow up. Actually wanted it!" His cute voice sounded so surprised and innocent at this. "Can you belveef that?" I shot back, not just with my mind either but talking, in outer space, "Well it happens sometimes Peter. You mustn't think harshly of people who choose to...." Peter turned to me with a look that sometimes made me think he hated everyone... "Oh I don't but he's a fool!" "No he's not!" "Yes...He is and so are...Wendy and..." It sometimes came back to Wendy. He loved her. Or did love her or something. He and she had a complicated relationship and even though she was long dead, he still had something for her and I don't think he ever forgave her for growing up or leaving him or something. I had to work on that. I had to get him to forgive her. I mean maybe she could help me. I knew a thing or two about ghosts now. I mean Peter could soar with fairies and show me their secret ritual meetings and orgies but I knew more about ghosts than he did...at least I think I did or did he just make me think I did? We passed more adventures of his in the past. Adric, a boy blown up on a space freighter trying to save the universe and all time. Peter felt sorry for him and used the explosion, which started the end of the dinosaurs by the way to transform the boy from another universe, for Adric was from something Peter called E Space and we were in N Space (never land space maybe?). Peter made Adric part of the sun and imbibed him with energies beyond imaginings....made him much like himself I think and Adric set out to help the lost, the forlorn, the forgotten and even the criminal turn good and turn themselves and their lives around and sometimes Adric even let people travel with him... A space train passed us. And a giant starship. Two men lost in time and a submarine under the sea of an alien planet with a blond boy who was very cute. Fantasia. Atlantis. Mu. Lemura. The Lost Horizon. The Moon blasting out of the Earth's orbit. Flash Gordon. Tarzan. Belle and the Beast. Frankenstein, Dracula. Penquins that talked. There were a race of teens from the future who couldn't kill and while Peter blahhhed as that (for he liked killing and blood and stabbing) he protected these Tomorrow People as though they were his own and perhaps they were, perhaps they were of the fairy folk. Most of the things I saw I didn't understand but what I did understand was that my boy, this Peter Pan, had adventures beyond scope and number...no wonder he had a poor memory, not even a giant computer could hold all the info of his adventures. We went so far we bounced off the end of the universe and bumped our heads but only slightly. Peter said it, "We only slightly bumped our heads." We fell to Earth and landed undersea where we saw mermen again and a giant submarine. "Wrong time," Peter mumbled underwater as we sank. He put mouth to me again and I felt as grand as ever. I threw my tongue in and Peter gave me his back. We rose up and soon we were both in NEVERLAND again. On the shore near the Mermaid Lagoon. This boy laid out his belly in the open sun and put his muscled arms up and hands behind head to rest. He shut his eyes in the sunlight. Mermaids swam near the shore and their tails flapped up to try to wet me. They'd never do that to Peter. I saw my Merboy the one who loved me so and I went over to the edge of the water, careful not to get too close and blew him a kiss. Then I remembered poor little Jennie, still sleeping in and knew I had to get him breakfast soon. I turned to look at the lovely Peter. That boy. He who kept mermaids and merboys in their place all the same. Who cavorted with fairies at their orgies and ceremonies. Who had the subtle love of a brother, a father, a lover even. Yet who loved blood letting and stabbing. I shook my head as I blew another kiss to him, knowing what unrequited love is. Well not quite. I mean Peter did love me as far as he could love anyone. There was still that Wendy thing to get him over though. And while I knew I was but an 11 year old in body in mind and in other ways I was adult but not him. Would he ever let me grow up? Would he ever change his mind? No matter, I would stick by him no matter what. I mean look at him. Soft, tough, rough, fidgety yet still enough to surprise a tiger or a dodo bird. James Bond, Doctor Dolittle, Flash Gordon, Doctor Who, Harry friggin Potter, Willy Wonka, Tarzan, Superman, The Scarecrow of Oz, and Highlander all rolled into one creamy delicious boy. Muscled, smooth skinned, attitude, innocent beauty, cockiness (which is what Hook couldn't stand about him but I love it in him), conceited, and yet charm all over every inch of his swordfighting, weapon loving persona. He loves dolphins and fairies, pixies, and goodly demons and angels and...what couldn't he do? I smiled. Then I grew somewhat sad and downcast. He couldn't grow up. That's what he couldn't do...at least emotionally and now, unless he changed his mind and grew up emotionally, neither would I. I choose it. And still do. But I secretly held a hope he would change his mind. A thousand million years here could make one...tire of it. Not him. He could have adventure after adventure and if I left him? What would he think of me? Would he remember me? Would he move on to ...another? Maybe the pirate...maybe he could teach him to grow up. To mature. I mean Kickai might be totally evil and unrepentant but...he was just out of boyhood himself and somehow just into manhood...maybe he could ...ahh, it's a stupid idea. Peter was okay out here alone. I had to go feed Jennie and a few other new lost boys. First I'd do that. Peter had the sense of danger if anything even came within a mile of him. He would be fine sleeping out here. I had the feeling he was dreaming of me. Was this my own conceit? I fed the boys: Jennie, Rico, Aoi, Sole, Pare, Rollin, and Je'ne, Landen, Oliver, and my word, we had become quite a large group. I found my jealousy of each boy ebbed and flowed. Peter wanted the tough Rico as his second but he choose me instead. Rico wanted me too. Second? Me? I'm such a ...well I'm not tough. I mean I could be aggressive and assertive if need be but I'd have to be pushed. I knew some rudimentary self defense even before coming here and meeting the king of defense and offense, more offense if you ask me, Hook or Kickai. He actually taught me and I must say our sword fighting training was quite quite erotic. I think it was to him too. I found he seemed to fear it. I told him that once but he hated it. He hated fearing anything but sometimes, in the still of the night, I could get him to admit his fears, for he had some. Like the rest of us. And I would hold him during his nightmares. I sort of knew psychically that he was dreaming of me. And he was. Holding me, a sword between us, kissing my lips. Spiraling up with me in the fairy dust and the light colored land of the pixies. I shared his dreams sometimes...scary, really scary, pretty, really pretty, exciting beyond belief, free, free falling, free flying, naked bare sometimes only wearing weapons the way he killed Hook, Billy Jukes and the other pirate...peaceful at other times... I made sure our little boys were well fed that day, they'd have slept the whole day away if I let them but I didn't. I mean literally if I didn't wake them they would have slept. I then made sure the adventures they were going to go on wouldn't end up with them getting killed and then I looked for Peter. He was no place to be found. Nowhere, no time, something was amiss but not with him, with me. I found a place near the river and cried in it. My tears were picked up by the merboy who crushed on me. He drank them and then spit them out. I cried and cried. Was my love returned? Did Peter love me? Why did he always act so callous toward me and the boys? Why vanish for weeks or months at a time? Why not take us? Take me? I don't get it. Crushing, sweating someone this badly was hurtful to me, to my ego. But I couldn't stop it no matter what I did. And I tried. I loved him so much it hurt me. It made me feel dark and dry and horrid. I thought about him first morning and the last thing at night. I dreamed about him. I often felt sometimes I was him. In him. Being him. Jealousy rose up in me. He controlled it all. The choice was his. Was this what Wendy went through? But she was just a little girl, not some 40 something year old in an 11 year old body. Perhaps as she grew in her thoughts, she grew older and went through this too. Maybe it is why she challenged him and...and lost. At least she didn't get him. But he lost too: he didn't get her. I cried and cried. And gasped for air. Looking wide, I thought I was going to die choking...that seems to happen to me a lot. I heard a voice as I sobbed loudly ... "You can say that again!" Was that my mind? My thoughts in this tantrum. I shed more tears and they dripped almost non stop into the water. A gush of wind should have told me, "He's back," but I didn't notice it or something. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and sobbing my guts out so hard that my throat hurt and I made sounds that scared off Niko, Wendy's wolf, Michael's bear, and even some Indians who were sneaking up on me ready to scalp me or something, some renegades to our Indian friends (the ones Peter saved...oh who the hell cares!) No one cares about me! I sobbed some more. I didn't think anyone could cry this long and this loud and live. A cup came to my eyes. Tears went in them. "You're wrong. I won. I got you. I do love you. I've told you before..." Peter was there. He had in one hand, the Merboy by the throat and was hideously making him spit my tears into a gold goblet on the grass over the river bank and with his other hand, Peter was holding a cup to my eyes. It horrified me and melted me. My heart melted. "Peter, don't hurt him..." "Maybe," Peter's eyes made a vee look of meanness, "Maybe you love him more than you love me." I put hands to Peter's arm, "I can't love anyone more than I love you...let him go, Peter!" Peter smiled and let go, "I was capturing your tears that he stole..." "How kind," I said. "Thank you..." "Not you, him," I gasped. "He loves me, you know." The Merboy spun in the water just under the surface and smiled at me. He chilled my backbone. He was so haunting and beautiful and he loved me. "I should kill him you know," Peter said and whipped out his knife. I turned, crying some more, the big baby that I was. "Peter no!" I could see in his eyes that he meant to do it. But he lied, "Ohh, I was only playing ya." He laughed like a little boy, "C'mon let's go...but you were...crying..." "You forgot already??!!!" I pounded my fists onto his bare chest and felt hard nipples hit the sides of my fists. "YOU!" Peter caught my arms and stopped me. "Stop being a baby! Grow up!!!!" Peter and I both let out a sigh of air as though we were shocked, cause well we were. Peter said the unthinkable. His eyes went wide. "No, Peter, no!" "No!" "I won't. Not unless you say it and mean it and mean to do it with me! I'll never leave here and leave you!" "I can leave here and not grow up. You can too with me." "Peter, what you were doing, was it what I thought you were?" "I was collecting your tears for the future. A future where you won't have to cry ever again." "I'm not sure what you mean by that...." "I mean this..." Peter came floating close to my face and his lips just touched mine. It was passionate. My mouth tingled and my heart raced. I thought I was going to explode from every pore. Every pore seemed to again have its own orgasm. He pressed in and pressed and pressed. My eyes closed but then opened. His blue eyes shone. At me. I could tell he meant every word now. He moved back after a long time. I breathed again. I sat down, shook my head to clear my mind. What was I doing from one moment to the next. "I can go on solo adventures too..." I wouldn't tell him but tonight I would go on a solo adventure...but Kickai waited for me.... Chapter 10: A MOUTH FULL OF SNOW Jennie was the first of our boys. He was also the smallest and youngest and most intensely smart kid I ever knew, even among myself. Of course he wasn't as naturey as Peter but he could almost, I dunno, read my mind. It was with that he knew I was planning on proving to Peter I could go flying myself and not grow up and have solo adventures and not have to have him come rescue me or trap my tears in a golden goblet. Right. Well he was off on his own. He liked, oddly enough golf courses and pools of course. He also liked to give the kids chocolate and broccoli, most of the time together! It endeared him to them and to me. Neverland, at the moment, for it was always changing somewhat to the whims of the inhabitants, mostly Peter, was full of golf courses, pools, lakes, broccoli trees and chocolate hills. In time, Peter came to learn how to surf but he thought it awfully silly since he could fly. I went off on my own. "I'll show him," I said. I flew further and longer than ever before. Now Peter could fly sleeping and sleep flying. He could sail on his back or on his belly. He knew when you were going to fall and he'd usually catch you if you fell or fell asleep. Sometimes he might let you learn your lesson and fall. He never did that to me or any of the boys but he always threatened to. "Keep wide awake, maties," he'd say in his best Hook impersonation. The braggart. He would have to prove himself to me. Trouble was: I was off on my own. I flew and flew and landed...hard. I went skidding downward and landed skidding among a path of snow. The darkness was what I noticed about it all. The greenery of Neverland had gone. Sure enough there were bushes but they were covered in snow and they were dark, some lights came out of the old houses I had seen. Had I traveled back in time? It looked like it. I spit out snow and stood up. I was cold, not having on any shirt. Peter always traveled half naked and the cold never effected him. Me neither when I was with him. Now I was cold. I stood up and saw a figure by the end of a driveway. A big man. Silent. He seemed to have a hockey mask on. And another man in a strange ripped red and black striped shirt. "Hello? I need some help. I'm lost...can you?" I didn't like the look of this and saw the two figures move at me. I ran the other way and found myself entering the estate of a large mansion, running in snow with just my sneakers on. I ran and ran and the two figures seemed to catch up with me fast. I felt as though I were in a nightmare, you know the ones. You run really slow and they run really fast. I moved past a large wooded area but another figure, a big fat man in a strange overall of blue grabbed me. I screamed I think and while I was glad Peter was not there to hear it, I wished he was there just to save me. The man laughed, "No need to run master, we'll take good care of you." The man laughed. He smelled bad. Worse than Smee's breath from what Peter told me. He seemed like a country hick, a bumpkin. I hate to categorize people like that but that is how he seemed. He also seemed to have human flesh on his teeth. I struggled and the man threw me to the ground. The other two men came at me. They seemed like nightmares. Then it occurred to me: maybe I never left Neverland for this might be one of its' darkest places. The nightmare realm. I was on my back but turned over quickly to see the two men from behind. One held up a hockey stick and the other a glove of knives on each finger. The hockey stick ejected a large knife from its tip. I went wide eyed. Never have I faced anything or anyone like this. How could I hope to fight them. The monsters were Jason and Freddie. And they were about to kill me for this guy, a cannibal man who seemed as though he were one of the family from a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Three of them. And a fourth was coming from the house with a giant Chainsaw. And a fifth. I shuddered. "Oh Peter, I'm sorry, sorry I left you!" "Nonsense! You just wanted to have solo adventures like me!" The familiar voice swooped from the sky. A head rolled. Peter cut off the head of Jason and the hockey mask fell off revealing a pig faced snout. Peter had a long sword in one hand and a short sword in the other. "Peter!" "I killed Barbecue with this one, I think, can't really remember!" Peter used that one to cut off Freddie's two hands and Freddie yowled with horror and pain. Then Peter got down from above and kicked Freddie with two feet and knocked him on the ground. As the chainsaw guy came at us, Peter shoved a sword into Freddie's stomach and then his neck. I shut my eyes. Peter laughed and turned toward the chainsaw wielding maniac. The cannibal made a move for me but I was on my fight and swung both fists over and over at him and knocked him into a tree. Peter ducked a chainsaw and flew behind this new horror. The Fifth figure came at us and I could see he looked like Death itself and was named Michael. Not our Michael, not Michael Darling. Peter flew over the head of the chainsaw guy and stabbed him in the back and out his stomach. The guy looked at the sword in his chest coming out of it. Peter removed it and kicked the creature/man who yelled manically as he had since he appeared. Peter yelled too to give him a send off. And to top it all off, Peter cut off his head too. Peter turned to me and I turned to him. He was wild eyed. Battle lust in his face. "Down!" He yelled at me and flew with his sword out right at me. I ducked and Peter passed me and went into the Michael figure. He flew into Michael and cut his chest out. Peter flew through Michael and to finish it all off, Peter landed and stuck the other sword into the cannibal man. I ran to him, "Oh Peter, I'm so sorry!" He grabbed me and clung me to his chest. "I didn't mean for you to have to do this." "Ahh, I've been meaning to clean these guys up for years. They're just awful, aren't they?" "Uh uh," I said, "But for you to have to kill like that??" "Ahh, you've seen it before and you'll see it again, besides it was fun." I felt a chill run up and down my spine. He was so bloodthirsty sometimes. He liked to kill. But when he took me up into his arms and lifted me high up, head first, I was warmed from head to toe. The monsters faded from view and the snow covered them up as we spiraled upward, his erect body against my own. Spiraling slowly upward. It was romantic. The moon shone and the snow stopped. Peter was so romantic. I wonder if he knew he was. He stared at me and I could swear he knew he was. Was he the lonely melancholy figure I though him to be? Was he so emotional that...or was the this avenging angel of darkness who didn't want to ever really grow up? How long were we going to stay this way? And did I want him or it to change? Did I want to grow old and die? Did Peter? Did I want Peter to? Look at him. The very picture of machismo and yet somewhat feminine too. Forever snap shot in that way forever for all the years to come. Why would I want him to change. But what if...if his hormones, if he ever had any, what if the kicked in somehow? Love? I was too tired to go on and I fell asleep in the air. At one point I awoke to find myself shooting downward at an alarming rate. The sea below. A sound laugh and Peter rushed at the last second to rocket down to me and save me before I hit the water. "Peter," I said in my best scolding voice. "Aur, I saved you didn't I?" He rose me up with him and put me on his back. I clung there tightly, comforted. "You...ou're always there to save me." "And I always will be." "How'd you know where to find me?" "Oh Jennie knew where you were." "How'd he tell you?" "You know, that mind thing he does..." "No, I don't know. You mean ESP?" "Yeah, that!" He smiled and flew onward back toward the Neverland I knew and loved. "You...you can kill fairly accurately...and...don't. I say doesn't it ever bother you?" "Hawhaw, naw, that's just for adults' games. They say they don't like it when adults hurt each other but they do. Most of em. Me I slay my enemies and if they come up against my friends and ...and those I care about...they shall have no life in them." I remained silent for the rest of the trip. Peter's breathing was soothing me and I fell asleep on his wonderful bare back. He didn't drop me this time or let me drop. I think he was soothed too. Just before we landed I awoke and realized something. I was able to lay on Peter. Why? When he came to my window he was smaller than I and I knew it was my 11 year old self he was smaller than not my old self. He must have been 5 foot. Now, he was much taller. I mean I was as an 11 year old no taller than 4'8 or 5 foot or something. And now he was taller than I. HE WAS GROWING! I didn't know what to do with this newfound information, Peter so valued his ability not to grow up. Perhaps he knew. No that can't be cause he didn't recall from one day to the next how tall he was. He didn't care and he'd often say that. "Don't know. Don't care. Let's have an adventure." Which sometimes consisted of doing nothing. It was a game he made up years ago. To sit on a stool and do nothing. Or just throw a ball. It was grandiose seeing him do this. He was quite solemn at it and looked like a caged tiger. Should I tell him? Was it me? Maybe I was the reason he was growing. Love? Hormones? I liked his new growth. I felt guilty. A plan was hatching in my head even grater than the plan I had before. I knew now I had to see Captain Kickai. And do the thing I most didn't want to do. If I was the cause of his growing and I must have been...then I must do something to stop it. As we came down to the ground, I realized from this little sortie that I could not fly on my own to the mainland. I'd only end up in, I don't know, some horrible end of Neverland. I had to have help to get away, help that didn't come from Peter. I grew totally sad. I knew I had to leave Peter, do the thing I never wanted to do. It would break his heart but that breaking, would stop him from growing as he hardened his heart and make no mistake, I really thought he would harden his heart, forget me as he did Wendy and so many others and move on. He'd forget me. I however would never forget him. He was now 5'8. Anyway that night a lot of snuggling went on. This night we didn't sleep with the boys in the same bed but they wondered why the next morning. Not that anything happened really other than the usual old days when it was just the two of us, we snuggled and held and that was all. Really. But as we did, I felt it was the reason he was growing. I was the reason. It was the last time I decided that night. The last time I would be making the boy who couldn't, wouldn't grow up grow up, without his even knowing. He was sad, he was tragic and he didn't even know it. I could have cried. I was so happy but I so sad too. He didn't know what was coming. What would hit him like a ton of bricks. I wondered if I left here, would I start to grow up? An 11 year old all over again? I imagine he could turn me back but... GEE, did I mention that Capt. Kickai was real evil? So what possessed me to go to his ship, alighting from the mast to confront him. "Would you take me?" I asked him one bright sunny Neverland day. Kickai walked smarmy. "You want me to take you where?" He spoke slowly and it was as though he was holding back a great anger at me and at Peter and at the world. "Take you?" "To the mainland...surely you can do it?" "Can I do it?" Kickai almost yelled, almost lost his composure. "I can do it. No matter what time I am in. The question is: why would I? Why would I take you anyplace?" "If Peter..." "That name!" "If he..." "He cut my thumb off!" "I see you've sewed it back on." "Not me. My cook!" "Oh." "What are you doing here really?" A dirty Asian pirate got behind me and hovered even as I floated. The black cook, a giant of a man came up from down below and had a meat cleaver. Maybe this was a bad idea. "I'm telling you the truth. Wouldn't it be ...well, a good thing for you to get away from here? Away from Pe...from him?" Kickai turned and rubbed his thumb with his other thumb. Which one was cut off ? I could only tell....say was I forgetting things too? "Yes, yes, yes. Maybe you are right. Away from boyoiiiiiiiiiis. Lost boys and Indians and animals and birds. Can't stand them! Any of them!" "I..." I puffed out my chest the way I'd seen Peter do a million times, "Am a boy..." "Are you indeed?" Kickai turned back to me and came real close, so close I thought I'd had it. "Are you really?" "Why, yes," I stood back a bit but bumped into the Asian behind me. Without realizing it I had already landed. "I..." "Are you sure?" "I'm 11..." I lied. "Yes. But..." He drew up real close and I have to admit unlike the other pirates, this one smelled really really good. Perfume? Deodorant? Cologne? Manliness. Beard: filed under hints of? I found I liked it somewhat. I let him get closer. He eyed my eyes. "I sense...well, something deeper under there. Older. More intelligent than that that green clad leaf boy." I swallowed. Flattery but it got him nowhere. You don't insult and hate Peter if you want me to do something you want me to do. "Get stuffed," I said. I tried to fly but found that someone behind me, no the Asian, someone else, smaller, darker skinned, almost a boy himself...Smiley Foton...an orphaned teenager taken in by Kickai and it was obvious why: he was handsome, long haired and dark skinned. He clamped a metallic black clasp around my ankle and next to it lay a chain, no attached to it. And a giant metal ball. I couldn't fly with that no me. "You first!" Kickai spat at me and I winced... The play Peter Pan and its characters are trademarks of and copyright J.M. Barrie