Date: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 22:51:48 WST
From: Boogie Boy <boy_boogie@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ryan's Intentions 7

RYAN'S INTENTIONS VII

*Well, I'm sorry it has been quite a while, but I'm hoping that this story
will be worth it.  By the way, in the ending of the previous chapter, I said
that JUSTIN went to get his wallet when I meant to type RYAN (if that
confused anyone).  I appreciate all your comments and if you have anything
at all to say about my story then please e-mail them to
`boy_boogie@hotmail.com'  I hope you enjoy this!

  "What are YOU doing here!?" I shouted angrily.
  "Admiring the view."
  I stood there shocked at her smarmy response.  "Fuck you Krystle!"
  "Been there and done that, haven't we?" She snickered.
  "You've become even more of a bitch? Holy crap, just when we all thought
it was friggin' impossible, I better inform the tabloids!"
  "Well, aren't we just brimming with humour."
  "Shut up Krystle!"
  "No, you shut up.  Don't raise your voice to me, you fuckin' faggot!"
   If I was a volcano I would have erupted right there and then.  I looked
into her eyes and she just smiled at me, thinking that I could not retaliate
towards her insult.  The trouble was, she was right.  I could not think of
anything to say.  I felt angry, confused and hurt.   "Go to Hell Krystle!" I
stormed as I quickly walked off.
  "Hello! I spent seven years of my life with you already. Hey, that broken
mirror saying must be true!"
  I ignored her as I opened the door to the hallway.
  "Be seeing you around Just!" She managed to shout just before the door
closed.  The slamming noise echoed in my mind.  I stood still after the door
had closed, trying to compose myself.  `Don't let her get to you', I kept
repeating to myself, `she's just a bitch, I know that from experience', but
I began to sob anyway.  While my vision was still clear I walked briskly,
before jogging to my cabin.  Everything else around me was just blacked out.
  I reached my room and opened the door, and I stepped in just as I slammed
the door shut, but it didn't slam.  I turned around and saw a foot between
the door and the frame.  I opened the door and saw Ryan standing there.
  "Justin, are you okay?  I called out to you but you just ran past me!"
Ryan asked.
  "Yeah, I'm fine". I lied, "Sorry, but I'm going to have to take another
raincheck for lunch". I stated as I tried to close the door.
  "Justin, I'm fucking sick of you closing the door on me, closing me out.
If we are going to have any sort of real relationship then we are going to
have to talk to each other, no matter what is wrong!"
  Again, I tried to close the door but Ryan swung it open with his hand and
entered my cabin before closing it behind him.  He confidently walked over
to the couch and sat down.
  "What are you doing?" I asked, the few tears I had shed beginning to dry.
  "Not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you!" Ryan stated
as-matter-of-factly.
  I stood still for a moment, looking down on the ground.  I stood on my
left leg while my right foot moved around tapping my left.
  "I just saw Krystle." I managed to say smoothly.
  "Krystle Krystle?" Ryan asked in disbelief.
  "Yeah.  After you left to get your wallet, I turned around and saw her.
Basically straight away we were arguing and then she called me a `fuckin'
faggot', to quote her exactly.
  "Oh Justin, just ignore her, she's a bitch."
  "That was the first time I had ever been insulted about being gay apart
from my dad." I told him. "I can't just ignore her and forget it, it like,
it shot through me, like an arrow! I want to be, protected, or immune from
that sort of stuff. I just can't believe how...I don't even know what I mean,
I can't explain it." Ryan was about to speak but I beat him to it.
  "Don't say you know what I mean Ryan, cause you haven't `come out of the
closet' so to speak, and I appreciate you being here, but please just go."
  Ryan looked at me dumbfounded.  "Don't turn away a helping hand Justin,
especially not mine." Ryan stood up off the couch and held his hand towards
me.  I looked at his face, then his outstretched hand.  I moved out my hand
and quickly withdrew.  My eyes were on the floor and I slowly and unsteadily
stretched my hand again.  I felt Ryan's slightly larger hand hold it and
pull me closer towards him.
  "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Ryan questioned as he put his
other hand, curled, on my cheek.
  "I will now." I smiled at him, looking into his eyes.
  "Wow, you're smiling! I should remember this!" jested Ryan.
  "Oh ha ha." I replied sarcastically before I leant in for a kiss.    And
what a kiss it was.  Gentle, but with a passion too.  I thought that Ryan
was right about talking to him problems.  I felt so much better after
telling him, and this kiss was like the icing on the cake.
  "You know Ryan, you have got to be one of the most understanding people I
have ever met."
  "That's a compliment, right?" Ryan grinned.
  "A compliment? Oh no! But keep this up and I may consider giving a
compliment to ya before I depart."
  We both laughed but then Ryan looked at me with a sudden seriousness.
  "You get off when we arrive in Bali right?" he questioned.
I thought I could `get off' anywhere, but I didn't think that coment was
really necessary!
  "Yes, but that's..." then the realisation hit me.
  "...tomorrow.", finished Ryan.
  Well, things certainly were pleasant now that we realised we could spend
only two days and one night together.  I looked at Ryan, his glum face
reflecting my feelings.
  "Ryan, will you have dinner with me tonight?"
Ryan's face lit up with his amazing smile.
  "Sure, I'll meet you at the dining hall at seven?"
  "Great!" I said as I leaned in for another kiss before he let go of my
hands and walked out of my cabin.  I stood in the main room and then jumped
up in the air.  `I've got a date with the most beautiful man on Earth
tonight!'  I looked at my watch. Another four hours to go.  I went into my
bedroom and opened the wardrobe, pulling out all my clothes as I began to
slowly pack.  Then I saw some clothes that I could wear for dinner.  If we
were gonna eat at the hall then I had to look good, as everyone wore tuxedos
or classy dresses.  I didn't have a tuxedo as such, but I had some nice
black pants and a white shirt long sleeved shirt.  I didn't have a jacket or
a vest, or even a bow tie but I figured that I could ask for one from
someone that works on the ship.  Then I walked over into the living room,
and saw the videos I left last time that still had to be watched.  I should
watch Ryan's movie, `54', even if it only serves as a conversation topic at
dinner.  Plus I wanna see him in action!

  Ryan walked back to his room and briskly opened the door.  As he walked in
he noticed a small piece of paper that had some writing on it.  Intrigued,
Ryan leant down to pick it up and closed the door.  He stood up and brought
the paper to reading distance.
  "Hello there lover boy, seems you've been doing a little kissing and
hugging around the boat, and it looks like a lot of people could know...
unless you give me some of that kissing and hugging."
  Ryan stood in disbelief at what he had just read.  `Who the fuck is this
person?', he thought.  Ryan ripped up the paper in anger and went to sit
down on the couch and think about who it could be.  Then Ryan began to
question whether or not he should go out with Justin tonight, as the person
who photographed them could be in the hall.  `I can't jeopardise my career
for Justin, I hardly know him, but I do feel... something with him, like I can
care for him, or I can love him.'  Ryan sat staring at the pieces of paper
in his hand.  But is the destruction of my career, which I have worked for
for years and only now gotten a break in, worth dinner with a man who isn't
even willing to trust me or probably even himself with his emotions?

  `Oh my God, is Ryan sexy or what?' I thought wickedly as I finished
watching 54.  It wasn't a bad film, but not great either, although it was
good performance from the major cast characters, and the fact that I could
watch Ryan and blur everything else out was a bonus.  But then again, I can
see him - the real him, not Shane - in about a couple of hours.
  I then realised that I would have to find a jacket, vest and bow tie for
dinner tonight.  I put the video tape away after rewinding it, and left my
cabin looking for some staff - I figured that there had to be some place to
hire nice clothes and the like.
  I arrived at the main desk, just inside the primary entrance for the ship.
  I didn't see anyone around it so I rang the bell.  Ding!  I could hear
footsteps approaching that sounded like high heels, and before I knew it, a
woman came from behind a door in a white buttoned long sleeved shirt, name
tag and of course, a smile.
  "How can I help..." her voice wavered as she realised who I was.
  "Twice in one day? Wow." I said as Krystle composed herself.
  "What do you want?" she asked rather sternly.
  I continued unintimidated, "I need a jacket, vest and bow tie."
  She took out a book from somewhere under the desk and handed it to me.
  I looked through it and found a nice tuxedo set that had a maroon vest
that had a little shine to it and a black outline, and a bow tie to match.
I thought it looked nice, not too fancy, but then I reconsidered, thinking
it would be better if I had just a bow tie and jacket.
  "Can I have the jacket and bow tie from number eleven?" I asked politely.
  Krystle grabbed the book off me and glanced at the image.
  "That'll be $70 thanks."
  "What?! $70 for a bow tie and jacket!?"
  "You have to take the whole suit, sorry" She smirked.
  "Can't I just pay the $70 for the tie and jacket?" I asked exasperated.
  "Fine." She snapped as I got the money out of my wallet and handed it to
her.
  "Why are you getting so dressed up anyway?" She asked.
  "Why do you wanna know? Jealous?" I asked hoping she was.
  "No, just thinking you're doing a lot to try and improve the quality of
your lonely life.  I mean, if my partner just left me from a serious
relationship and I found out that I was gay and that I learned my father
hated me and I left the country to find a treatment that didn't - "
  "That's enough!" I shouted, unaware of the volume of my voice.
  "Sorry, didn't mean to make you upset." She gleamed.
  "Shut the fuck up." I said as I walked away with the jacket and bow tie.
  "I'll be seeing you at dinner then."
  `Not if I see you first', I thought angrily as I made my way back to the
cabin.  I just basically had to shower, get dressed and then go to the
dinner hall, and I had ample time for that.

  Ryan was in the hallway, looking for somewhere where he could find
appropriate clothing for tonight, when he heard a lady talking to a familiar
voice.
  "What?! $70 for a bow tie and jacket!?"
  "You have to take the whole suit, sorry"
  "Can't I just pay the $70 for the tie and jacket?"
  "Fine. Why are you getting so dressed up anyway?"
  "Why do you wanna know? Jealous?"
  Ryan recognised the voice as Justin's.
  "No, just thinking you're doing a lot to try and improve the quality of
your lonely life.  I mean, if my partner just left me from a serious
relationship and I found out that I was gay and that I learned my father
hated me and I left the country to find a treatment that didn't - "
  "That's enough!"
  "Sorry, didn't mean to make you upset."
  "Shut the fuck up."
  "I'll be seeing you at dinner then."
  Ryan guessed that he was talking to Krystle, but from his eavesdropping
around the corner, he was left confused.  `He left Australia for treatment?
Treatment for what?  And what didn't it do?'


To be continued...

*Sorry it took a while and sorry that it probably isn't what you would have
been expecting! And thank you for the mail I've received, it gives a real
incentive to continue writing.  If anyone has an comments, positive or
negative, please e-mail:  boy_boogie@hotmail.com