Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 01:52:04 -0800
From: Jon Hold <jonhold@eudoramail.com>
Subject: Santa Cums Down the Chimney (Punny)

Santa Cums Down the Chimney

An Xmas Story by Jon Hold

jonhold@eudoramail.com


Copyright 1999 by Jon Hold, all rights reserved. You may not use
or archive this material except for private, personal reading
without written permission. Such permission is given to ASSGM and
Nifty archives to Archive this material.


St. Nicholas' younger brother, St. John (named for the facilities
at the local truck stop where he was conceived during an all night
orgy) was busy looking through the Big Green Book. He was making
up his yearly list of naughty little boys (and certain nasty big
hairy men as well).

"Man, There are some hot numbers out there this year," he said to
himself as he adjusted the built in tit-clamps on his new black-
leather drag outfit. "I'm going to have to take my vitamins for
sure this year."

After a bit more searching of the West Hollywood entries, Santa
St. John got up and, adjusting the studded red leather jock strap
in his crotchless black leather pants, looked at himself in the
big workroom mirror.  "Hot! Very hot!" he thought as he checked
out the bulge in the red flash in the otherwise all-black outfit.
The heavy leather harness under the black kid leather sleeveless
shirt still chaffed a little, he'd have to get one of the workers
to saddlesoap it again.

Thinking about the workers, he grumbled to himself. It just wasn't
fair that his brother had appropriated all the elves forcing him
to make do with nothing but fairies. O', the fairies were good
enough workers, and they gave great head if you could get six or
eight [sex or ate, for those of you who entirely missed the pun]
of them going at the same time, but you just couldn't butt screw
the little buggerers with a dick the size of his. An elf, on the
other hand, could not only adjust to any size, but stayed tight
and hot no matter how long you humped them. But his big brother
had all the elves tied up, and that was that.

On the way to the workshop he stopped by the stable to check on
his sleigh and billy-goat team. That fucking Randolph was already
hitting the bottle again and by Xmas eve his nose would be glowing
red again. He really didn't mind Randolph's drinking, but the red
nose bit scared off the flighty queens because they thought the
red light was cops coming to bust them. That added up to a lot of
butts St. John didn't get a shot at every year just because his
lead billy-goat was a lush.

St. John checked with the head fairy of the workshop. All the
dildo's were packed away and the last of the vibrators were being
wrapped now, but there was a hangup with the leather buttplugs.
Seems as though one of the suppliers sent a couple of spools of
cotton thread instead of linen and all the extra large buttplugs
had to be double checked to make sure they wouldn't split open
inside of someone. Quality control had only been able to shanghai
two elves and a Times Square fairie to do the testing, and it was
taking time, especially since the Times Square fairie was insisting
on taking each buttplug several times to assure patency. St. John
told the head fairy to kick the fuckers ass and get those
buttplugs wrapped and put in the sleigh without any more dorking
around.

*****

It had been three days of high pressure dicking around, but
everything was finally ready to go and it was only minutes until
the terminator came up and Xmas eve began. He checked his list
over again. This year was going to be a real bitch. He was going
to have to be going back and forth all over the place because the
only way he could get that damn new program from MicroWuss to
print the list was sorted by number of naughty things done instead
of by location. Some kid he'd never heard of headed the list and
lived way the hell out in the middle of nowhere. Who the hell was
this Mykkhal character anyway? Well, that didn't really matter.
The kid was down for one of the new "Stay-in-Place" high speed
vibrators and a pair of patent leather wrist restraints, so he'd
slip them on and clean the kids chimney with his tube cleaner,
blast the soot loose with some special sauce, and be on his way.
Maybe the kids buddy would find him and release him from the
restraints before the dildo tore him up too bad.

His next stop was a porn writers party in NYC. That was a long
trip that worked out good because he'd be able to take care of a
good part of his list in one stop. He'd already had guys like
Author22, the Nifty Archivist (big D), Y. Lee Coyote and some
others several times, but there was a good list of first timers to
the list like Shadow at the ASSGM Archives that would add some
spice to the tried and true nasty boys. There were some truly ugly
old farts in this group, like that fat old fuck, Jon Hold, but
trying to enact some of the fantasies this group could come up
with more than made up for any lack of personal grooming. He sure
hoped that some of the leather and S&M authors would be inspired
by his new get-up and get some good scenes into the fantasy this
year.

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a VERY good night....