Date: Wed, 22 Jun 2005 16:03:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jason Calme <jasoncalme@yahoo.com>
Subject: Snow Day 3

This story is about male/male relationships and contains 
graphic descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal 
due to your age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional 
characters and events with real people. However any real 
person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a 
part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about 
the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual 
person.

Copyright 2005 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property 
of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or 
posted on any website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to: 
"JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
My blog: http://jcalme.blogspot.com/

--------------


Snow Day - Chapter 3


By the end of the afternoon I was about as high as you can 
get without artificial stimulants. I mean, I was practically 
floating, even though I was just sitting on the couch with 
my new best friend, Howie.

Best friend? Well maybe not, and yet somehow, that's what it 
felt like. We just were having so much fun. Or I was having 
lots of fun and it seemed like Howie was having fun, and I 
tried really hard not to over-analyze it.

We spent much of the time sprawled on the sofa, and, was it 
my imagination, or was Howie always sitting very close to 
me?

Half my brain was screaming 'he's straight, you're wasting 
your time,' and the other half was screaming, 'yeah, but 
maybe you'll get a chance to lean against him.'

Rejection doesn't kill you. It's hope that kills you.


I was thinking about what we'd do later, and almost dreaming 
about falling asleep on the couch together, when my Mom came 
in with news that ruined it all.

"Sam, Louise is on the phone. She's having a party tonight 
and wants to know if you and Howie would like to go."

I stared at my mother. She was standing there holding the 
phone, and I guess expecting me to tell her whether we'd 
accept the invitation or not.

My first reaction was 'Louise who?' as Louise never called 
me, and had never invited me to a party since her sixth one. 
But I didn't say that, because I did know who it was, and 
Mom would just get mad at me if I said it. Never mind that 
Howie would probably think I was acting like a spoiled kid 
too.

But for Christ's sake, I wanted to act like a kid. I wanted 
to tell my mother, 'No! No! No! Howie's mine and Louise 
isn't getting him.' But I didn't. As much as I wanted to, I 
knew I couldn't do that.

I had to do the grown up thing and be polite and not let my 
stupid feelings for Howie influence my judgment. Yet the 
very last thing I wanted to do this - or any other - 
evening, was to go to a party that Louise was having.

I glanced over at Howie, who seemed to be watching me with 
interest.

"Ahh, you want to go?" I asked him with very little 
enthusiasm.

He shrugged his shoulders. "You?"

I was stuck. What was I supposed to say? The last thing I 
wanted to do was go to that party, but what about him? He'd 
probably love to go to the damn party. Probably pick up some 
girl too. And if I didn't appear to be interested, would he 
think there was something weird about me? Should I go just 
for appearances? So that he'd think I was a regular guy?

Fuck! All it took was one phone call to bring reality 
crashing down on top of me. 

And then the thought of Howie flirting with some girl - or 
worse, Louse - flashed through me head.

"Uh..I don't know if I want to go," I said. "But you can go 
if you want."

Howie frowned. "I won't know anyone," he pointed out.

"You'll know Louise," I said.

"I hardly know her at all," he objected. "Anyway, I don't 
want to go if you don't want to go."

Inside I was secretly thrilled. But my brain was torn. Man 
this was so fucked up. What was I supposed to do?

I looked back at my Mom, who had this curious expression on 
her face.

"What do I tell Louise?" she asked.

Never good at snap decisions, I equivocated. "Umm..."

"Why don't you go over for a while," she suggested. "Maybe 
you'll have fun? If you don't, you can just come home."

I frowned. I knew my Mom was thrilled at the idea of Louise 
and I being friends. Or at least talking to each other. She 
was deluding herself, but I didn't want to take that away 
from her. On the other hand, I really didn't want to go.

I glanced back at Howie, who only stared at me blankly. I 
wished I knew what he was really thinking. Was I totally 
moronic? Had we really become such fast friends in just a 
day? Was I riding for a fall?

I wasn't sure what to do.

"Why don't we do that?" I heard Howie saying, and my heart 
broke. He wanted to go to the party. He didn't want to hang 
out with me. I sighed inside.

"Sure," I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"I'll tell Louise," my Mother smiled, and left the room 
talking into the phone as I stared after her.

Damn! Damn! Damn! So much for my hopes and plans.

I felt a jab in my stomach and turned and grabbed at Howie's 
hand as he made another attempt to poke me in the side.

"Do you mind?" I said, probably sounding angrier than I 
intended to, but I was frustrated. I turned to see the smile 
on Howie's face vanish and immediately felt like a total 
bitch.

"Sorry," Howie said quickly.

"No, no, I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm just..." and I 
didn't know how to explain my brattish behavior. "I'm 
sorry," I finally said.

"It's okay." Howie said, then added quietly; "If you don't 
want to go to the party we don't have to go. I don't mind."

"No," I tried to smile at him. "It's fine." He raised his 
eyebrows and, not knowing what else to say, I turned and 
stared at the television, not really watching, I just needed 
time to think.

There was a long uncomfortable silence.

"You don't like your cousin much do you?" Howie said rather 
flatly.

Startled, I turned to see him staring intently back at me.

"Ahh...shit...is it that obvious?"

Howie grinned. "Uh huh, Dork!" he said, and kind of giggled 
under his breath. "You..." he paused as though thinking 
quite how to put it. "You like tense up whenever she's 
around, or her name is mentioned."

"Oh," I said.

He shrugged. "I don't care if we don't go."

"No, it's okay," I said brightly. "Anyway, I think she likes 
you."

"Oh," Howie said rather flatly.

"Yeah, she likes ugly guys," I said, grinning. "A doofus 
like you should be just her type!" and I poked him in the 
stomach and he pretended to be mad about it and lunged at me 
as I tried - not too hard - to get away from him.

Somehow we ended up rolling around on the floor for a 
moment, wrestling. Howie, being a bit heavier than me, 
seemed to spend most of the time on top, and even though I 
struggled underneath him, I didn't try too hard to actually 
get him off of me.


Mom let us eat dinner watching TV, so I guess it's official; 
Howie is part of the family. After dinner we both changed 
and cleaned up a little. Or more accurately, I cleaned up a 
little and Howie showered, changed and spent an age doing 
stuff to his hair.

Or at least that's what I think he was doing.

A little after eight we put on our coats and gloves and 
headed out to the party. I was half way down the driveway 
when I realized Howie wasn't behind me. Turning around I saw 
that he had walked towards the car.

"What you doing?" I asked.

"We're not driving?" he asked.

"It's three blocks!" I laughed.

"It's cold!" he whined, then he shrugged and started walking 
towards me.

"Do all your relations live around here?" he complained.

"Just my Mom's brother and sister and their families. They 
work for my grandad's business too."

"And you don't want to?"

I frowned. "Nah, not what I want to do. Anyway, you don't 
want to work with family if you can avoid it."

Howie laughed. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to be 
working with Louise."

I laughed and slapped him on the back.

"You know," I said, "this party is probably going to suck."

"Yeah?" Howie raised one eyebrow. "Other than your favorite 
cousin being there, why you say that?"

I shrugged. "You know, it's just gonna be a bunch of kids 
from around here. Nothing much."

Howie laughed. "I'm from Bangor Maine, dude!" and he punched 
me lightly on the shoulder. And then in this dreadful Maine 
accent, sounding like some old guy, he said; "I'm just the 
country boy and you're show'n me all this craza big city 
stuff!"


The party was everything I feared it would be, and worse. A 
bunch of people I didn't know, and Louise fawning over the 
only person I wanted to be with; Howie.

There were several cars already parked in the large driveway 
and on the street when we got there. It seemed this was a 
big event - not something casually thrown together - which 
made it even clearer that I was only invited because of 
Howie. Not that I was surprised.

Howie followed me up to the door and I rang the bell, my 
stomach doing cartwheels. I really didn't want to be there.

The door opened and a girl I recognized from school stood 
facing us. She was one of a group of friends that often hung 
out with Louise, but I couldn't remember her name. Her lip 
curled just a little when she recognized me.

"Uh, hi!" I said nervously.

She said nothing, but she moved back and I stepped inside, 
Howie right behind me. We stood in the entranceway and tried 
knocking the snow off our boots.

"Sam!"

I looked up. Louise was advancing towards me. Before I had 
time to react she put her arms around me and gave me a quick 
peck on the cheek.

This was weird.

"Hi Howie," she said, and she went over and did the same to 
him. 'Uh huh!' I thought. That was why she kissed me; so she 
could do the same to Howie.

"Here let me help you," Louise said, helping Howie out of 
his coat. "Come on, I'll show you around and introduce you 
to some people," and she turned to me and handed me Howie's 
coat. "You can put the coats up in my parents room," she 
said, before turning back to Howie and grabbing him by the 
arm. Howie cast a backward glance at me and I stood there 
watching as Louise took away the cuddly bear.

I silently cursed her.

"It's up the stairs on the right," the girl that had opened 
the door said to me.

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"Okay," she said disinterestedly, and turned and followed 
Louise.
 

I took the coats up stairs and into the master bedroom and 
threw them onto the bed. I still had a real desire to just 
go home, but I realized that I couldn't just leave without 
first telling Howie, and that would be awkward.



Sometimes I pretend I'm a movie camera. I imagine that what 
I'm seeing is what's being projected on a screen. As I move, 
I try to keep my head level and move smoothly, composing an 
interesting picture. It's like I'm making a movie in my 
head. Does that sound weird? When I read it here it 
certainly does. Oh well, I'm weird, what can I say?

I don't know whether I do it because I'm bored, or as a way 
to escape the pressures of the moment, but for whatever 
reason I was busy making a documentary in my head as I 
walked back out into the hall and started down the stairs.

"Hi Sam!" I heard a voice and I had to halt production on my 
movie. I turned to see Jen, a friend from school, coming out 
of the bathroom.

"Hey Jen!" I said, stopping and waiting for her.

"Haven't seen you in a while," she smiled.

"Yeah. What are you doing back?"

"Just came up for the weekend. It's my Dad's birthday 
tomorrow," she said, starting down the stairs and I followed 
her.

"Oh. So how's school going?" I asked.

"Better! First semester was rough, settling in, you know."

"Yeah. Well glad it's getting better."

"There's beer in the kitchen," Jen said.

"Okay," I agreed, and we walked into the kitchen. There was 
a pile of snacks, drinks and other things in the kitchen, 
and a couple of friends of Louise were scurrying around. Jen 
and I both grabbed a beer. Most of the noise and people 
seemed to be in the living and dining rooms, but we walked 
into the sunroom, which was actually empty.

Jen waved at one of the chairs and I sat down and she sat 
down across from me.

There was a bowl of potato chips on the coffee table in 
front of us and I reached out and grabbed a couple.

Jen grinned at me. "So who's the guy?" she asked.

"Guy?" I repeated blankly.

"The really cute guy you came in with."

"Oh, that's Howie," I said, and then proceeded to give Jen a 
quick sketch of rescuing Howie.

Jen nodded, then leaned forward conspiratorially.

"So are you two..."

"No," I shook my head. "He's straight."

"Oh," she nodded. "But you like him, don't you?" she said, 
smiling.

"I might," I smirked, and was about to gush a little about 
how wonderful he was when someone appeared in the doorway 
and I looked up and saw Howie standing there.

"There you are," Howie said, then he glanced over at Jen.

"Howie, this is Jen. Jen, this is Howie."

Howie stepped in and they both said 'Hi' to each other and 
Howie came and sat down on the couch next to me.

"What happened to Louise?" I asked him.

"Oh, some problem in the kitchen or something and I managed 
to escape," he said casually, and Jen and I both laughed and 
Howie grinned, pleased that we'd found what he'd said 
amusing.

"Sounds like Howie needs protection from Louise," Jen said, 
and she glanced at me and I rolled my eyes.

"So Howie," Jen said. "Sam says you're from Maine."

"Yeah."

"So what on earth are you doing in this godforsaken place?!"

"I'm looking for somewhere a little less exciting," he said 
and we all laughed. "Maine's an exciting place yah know," 
Howie said in his Maine voice.

"Howie!" came Louise's voice from the doorway and the three 
of us stopped laughing. "There you are! There's someone I 
want you to meet," Louise said. Howie turned towards me and 
made a face, then somewhat reluctantly got up and followed 
Louise out of the room.

I glanced over at Jen and she made a face too.

"Looks like Louise has her sights on someone," she said.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Why don't you go rescue him?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Go on. Whether he's gay or straight it doesn't look like he 
wants Louise's attention."

"He's just acting that way because he knows I hate Louise," 
I said.

"If so, why'd he come looking for you?" she asked.

I shrugged. Jen gave me a 'Don't be stupid look,' and I 
wasn't sure what to do. Then I got up and started towards 
the door. Jen got up and followed me out and we wandered 
around, trying to find Howie.

It didn't take long. He and Louise were in the living room, 
standing with another couple. Louise was talking away and I 
watched as she reached out and touched Howie's arm. I 
stopped in my tracks.

"Keep going," Jen whispered in my ear, but I really didn't 
want to, and then Howie leaned over and whispered something 
in Louise's ear and I turned around and headed towards the 
kitchen. Maybe there was something good to eat.

I walked into the kitchen and glanced around. There was 
nothing interesting to eat, but then that wasn't really why 
I'd gone in there. Still, I guess I could pretend to be 
interested.

"What happened to you?"

I turned around. Jen had come after me.

"Hungry," I said, and waved an arm at the bags of snacks on 
the table.

"Uh huh," said Jen. "What happened to the rescue mission?"

"He looked like he was having fun," I said.

"Okay, so what do we do now? Build a voodoo doll and stick 
pins in it?"

"That's an idea," I said. "Do you have any really big 
needles?"

Jen smirked at me. "Ok, well I'm going back out. You can 
hang out in the kitchen if you must, but I'm not spending 
all night in here."

"Okay," I said.

"If I run into you-know-who, I'll let him know where you 
are."

"Uh huh," I said, and opened a tube of Pringles and then 
decided I'd had enough chips and closed it up again.

Jen walked out and I looked at the clock. I wondered how 
long I had to stay and whether Howie would come back with me 
or if he'd end up staying without me.

Then Louise walked in with one of her friends and I almost 
leapt out the door and went back looking for Howie, finding 
him and Jen talking together in the living room.

"There you are," said Jen as I joined them. "We were just 
talking about you."

"Nothing good I hope."

"Just the really juicy stuff," said Jen.

"That must have taken up all of ten seconds. What are you 
talking about now?"

"This and that," said Jen, and I looked to Howie and all I 
got was a big grin and a bit of a nod. I knew they were 
playing with me, but it was still annoying.

"I'm gonna go talk to Brin. Why don't you show Howie the 
family room?" Jen suggested.

Howie looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged. Then I 
leaned over and whispered. "It's the furthest room from the 
front door."

Howie still didn't understand, so Jen translated.

"The host doesn't get up there much," and she grinned and 
walked off.

"Yeah, lets go check that out," Howie said, suddenly 
interested. So off we went.

My uncles house is pretty large, and they added a family 
room / play room over the garage some years back. But to get 
there you have to go up stairs and then around. It's kind of 
out of the way. Kind of like going for a hike in your house. 
My Mom said that was on purpose to keep the kids out of 
their Mom's hair.

When we got there we found some people playing pool, a few 
talking. Howie seemed as shy as I was, and we settled into a 
corner and were just watching the game for something to do. 
This wasn't exactly much fun and I was just about to suggest 
that we go home when Peter Harris walked into the room with 
one of his dumb jock friends.

I knew Peter from school. He and I had never gotten along. 
He was one of the bullies; the guy that pretty much made my 
life miserable. When I finished high school Peter Harris was 
the person I most looked forward to never seeing again, and 
until tonight, things had gone exactly as I'd hoped.

Peter walked straight up to me and announced loudly. "I 
wondered what that smell was." It wasn't quite as 
threatening as it would have been at school, but it wasn't 
exactly friendly either.

"Hey Pete," I said evenly.

Peter looked me up and down and then looked at Howie and 
gave his hair a long stare. Then he turned back to me.

"Who's your fag friend?" Peter asked. His friend snickered 
and I saw Howie stiffen.

Peter didn't know I was gay. Maybe he suspected; more 
probably it was just his standard taunt. He'd been calling 
me gay before I really knew I was. Now I was used to him 
saying it. Fag, queer, gay boy, words like that constantly 
came out of his mouth, it all pretty much was the same and I 
tried not to let it hurt me.

I turned to Howie. "Howie, this is Peter. He used to beat me 
up at high school. Peter, this is Howie, he's not from 
around here."

Howie held out his hand, but Peter ignored it.

"So I thought you were gonna leave this little hick town and 
go off to the big city," Peter asked me accusingly.

"I decided to take some time off," I said. "And I never said 
the town was a hick."

"Yeah sure, loser," he said derisively.

I stood there, expecting Peter to move on once he'd run out 
of witty banter - which he'd pretty much exhausted by the 
time he entered the room - but instead he continued to stand 
there staring at me.

"So who invited you two loser's anyway?" he asked. I felt 
like he was trying to provoke me. But I wasn't going to be 
provoked. We weren't in school anymore. He couldn't just 
beat the crap put of me; could he?

"Louise is my cousin," I shrugged.

"Should have known it was something like that," he said. 
"Why else would they have a loser like you here?"

This was getting tedious, and rather unimaginative too. Why 
wouldn't Peter grow up? It was like he was still 12.

Howie leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

"How come this guy is so hung up on you?"

"What's that?" Peter asked, leaning forward menacingly. 
"What'd you say fag?"

"You talking to me?" Howie asked blankly, though clearly 
Peter was.

"Yeah."

"Oh sorry," said Howie. "Cause you seem so fixated on Sam, I 
thought maybe you had a thing for him."

Peter visibly stiffened.

"What?"

"It's cool," said Howie. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Listen squid hair," Peter snarled.

I laughed, and both Howie and Peter scowled at me.

Peter moved towards Howie menacingly.

"I ain't a fag. Shut it or I'll shut it for you."

"Shut it?" Howie asked innocently, as though he didn't get 
it.

"Yeah," Peter said very slowly.

Howie frowned. "Uh huh..."

Peter stepped even closer to Howie.

"Listen..."

"Hey!" said Howie, as though an idea had suddenly come to 
him. "How about we play a game?"

He stepped past Peter and walked towards the pool table.

"Yeah," Howie continued. "Sam and I against you two. We win, 
you leave us alone, you win, we go home. Oh, and whoever 
loses..." he paused, thinking. "Whoever loses has to run to 
the end of the street and back, naked." He smiled.

"What are you?" Peter almost spat at him.

"What? Don't think you can beat us?" Howie asked, a big 
smile on his face.

"We'll fuck'n wipe the floor with ya," said Peter's goon, 
the first sentence he'd gotten out.

"Okay!" said Howie, and he went over to retrieve the pool 
cues.

I watched as Howie set up the table, then he came back and 
stood next to me.

"How good are you?" Howie whispered.

"Okay," I said.

"Good. Maybe we have a chance, cause I suck."

I grinned. For a moment I wondered why I wasn't nervous, but 
then, after thinking about it, I started to think about the 
options. For one thing, I had Howie by my side, and I felt a 
lot braver because of it. And if we lost, that meant we'd 
run to the end of the street naked. When I thought about 
that, well actually it didn't sound so bad. In fact, I 
started to think about whether I should try and lose.

Peter broke, and nothing went in. Howie followed and sunk 
two balls. I think he was exaggerating about not being any 
good.

Peter's friend followed and sunk three. They were hooting 
and hollering and making noise. But then he missed a shot 
and it was my turn.

"Come on queer boy," taunted Peter.

I wished he wouldn't say that. Not because I thought Howie 
would think I was queer - it was just the standard taunting 
after all - no, I just didn't like that word.

I cleared the table.

Howie leapt in the air and came over and high-fived me. 
Peter and his friend didn't look happy at all. I was 
thrilled. I'd actually beaten Peter. Even if he turned 
around and beat the shit out of me, I wasn't going to forget 
this moment.

"Okay," Peter threw down his cue and turned to go.

"Hey!" called Howie. "You two ready for a little run?"

"Fuck you," said Peter.

"Oh, gonna chicken out huh?"

"Howie," I hissed. God, they were gonna leave us alone, just 
let them go. But Howie ignored me.

"What's that?" Peter demanded, advancing towards Howie.

"Aren't you forgetting the bet?" Howie asked.

Peter started toward us, but then he noticed that a small 
crowd had gathered. He sneered at Howie, and then he turned 
around and the two of them just walked out.

"Jesus! Howie! You don't know when to quit!" I hissed at 
him.

"Oh God!" Howie breathed deep and turning to face me. "I was 
scared shitless."

"Why'd you go after them then?"

"I dunno. I just..I dunno."

I rolled my eyes at him and then gently shoved his shoulder 
and he grinned back at me.

"Well that was fun," I said. "But I gotta go to the bathroom 
and throw up now."

"Really?"

"No, just gotta take a leak."

"Okay."



After taking a few minutes to calm down - we were still kind 
of high on the adrenalin - I left Howie in the family room 
and went to find an open bathroom. When I came out I found 
Howie nervously waiting for me.

"What's the matter? Did Peter come after you?"

"No. It's Louise, she cornered me again. I only got away 
cause the fire alarm went off in the kitchen."

I laughed. "Oh, is that what that noise was?"

Now that Howie didn't seem to be warming to Louise's 
advances, I was starting to enjoy the evening.

"Can we go?" Howie asked. "I think she went looking for a 
guitar and if she finds one I'm gonna hit her with it."

"Yeah, sure," I said.

"Save me," Howie suddenly hissed, grabbing my arm. I turned 
to where he was looking and saw Louise carrying what 
appeared to be a guitar.

I couldn't help it, I started to laugh, and then Louise 
looked down the hallway and saw us.

"Howie! I found my brothers guitar," she called, and I heard 
Howie grown.

"I thought you could do a song," she continued as she 
advanced towards us.

"Oh Louise, I'm glad we found you," I said, injecting myself 
between her and Howie. "Howie's not feeling too good, are 
you Howie?"

"Oh, noooo," Howie groaned on cue.

"I think it's a stomach thing or something," I said, taking 
Howie by the arm. "I'm gonna take him home before it gets 
too serious. Don't want him barfing all over the carpet."

"Oh," said Louise, not looking as though she believed it.

If it had just been me, she would have said something, but 
Howie was an unknown, and I think she couldn't quite figure 
him out, so she gave us the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, thanks for inviting us," I said.

"Thanks," Howie whispered.

"Come on, you," I said good-naturedly to Howie, and we went 
and grabbed our coats and walked out into the cold night 
air.



"Can she still see us?" Howie whispered.

We were walking down the street and Howie was kind of 
hobbling along, clutching his stomach as though in pain, and 
leaning on me.

"I don't know," I said. "But if I keep looking back she'll 
get suspicious."

"Okay," said Howie.

Howie was silent for a moment. Then he mumbled. "I told you 
we should have driven."

I laughed. "Walking is good for you."

"Not when I'm in this condition," he complained.

We continued on this way until we turned the corner at the 
end of the block.

"Okay," I said. "I think it's safe now."

Howie straightened up and we both laughed, and then walked 
the rest of the way to my house reliving the events at the 
party. Mom was sitting watching television when we came in.

"How was the party?" Mom asked.

"Oh, okay," I said.

Mom nodded.

"But Howie came down with a stomach bug," I said. Howie 
grinned at me.

"Oh, are you alright?" she asked, looking as though she was 
going to get up and fuss over him.

"No, he's fine. It's one of those 12 hour bugs I think. 
He'll be fine in the morning."

My Mom looked at me suspiciously.

"So, if Louise calls, just tell her he went to bed and 
should be okay, okay?"

My mom looked at us, then, as if deciding the less she knew 
the better, she said "All right, well you two off to bed, 
you're gonna have to get up early to go dig out Howie's 
car."

"Oh yeah," I groaned. I'd forgotten about that.

We trooped up to my bedroom. I saw the sleeping bag on the 
floor and remembered the night before and waking up in bed 
with Howie. It all seemed so long ago.

You want to use the bathroom first? I asked.

"Nah, you can," said Howie.

I grabbed my sweats, clean boxers and t-shirt, and went into 
the bathroom. It was kind of a nervous moment in there. The 
calm before the storm if you will. I brushed my teeth, 
washed my face, and lightly brushed my hair as I wanted it 
to look neat but didn't want it to actually look brushed. 
Who brushes their hair before bedtime? I also washed under 
my arms.

Cleaned up and ready to go, I stepped out and walked down 
the hall and into my room. Howie was in there sitting on the 
bed playing the guitar.

He looked up briefly when I entered and, after a few 
seconds, started singing.

I wasn't really paying attention, and then a couple of lines 
seemed to leap out at me.

"It's your secret, it's your secret
Tell it to me, tell it to me"

My imagination took over. I knew it was a song on his CD so 
he hadn't made it up for me, and yet it seemed like he was singing a 
message to me.

He stopped, and there was this awkward moment; or was it 
just my imagination? Howie then got up, put the guitar in 
the case, and without another word, went out to the 
bathroom. I stood there for a moment, wondering what to do. 
Finally I decided to get into the sleeping bag.

Howie came back from the bathroom, tidied up his stuff, 
turned off the light and climbed into bed.

We both lay there in silence.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Sure? Cause there's plenty of room in the bed. More 
comfortable too."

"Uh...you sure?"

"I don't mind," he said.

Well he didn't have to invite me twice.

"Uh..okay," I said, and climbed out of the sleeping bag and 
went over and climbed into bed.

With Howie.

We lay on our sides, facing each other. He smiled at me and 
I grinned back at him.

"You have fun?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he smiled.

I tried to think of something else to say. I wanted the 
conversation to continue. I guess I just wanted to lay there 
and talk with him, but for some reason my brain wasn't 
cooperating and I couldn't think of anything to say.

Howie finally broke the silence.

"Thanks for everything, Sam," Howie said quietly.

He smiled at me and I couldn't help grinning back at him.

"It was...hey, I had fun, you're..." and I was about to say 
he was great or something stupid like that and I realized 
how stupid that would sound so I just kind of ground to a 
halt.

My verbal skills just seemed to be abandoning me today.

But before I had time to start fretting about that, Howie 
reached out his hand and flicked something on my shoulder.

I glanced down and then back at him.

"You had something on your shoulder. Some lint or 
something," he said.

"Oh."

I reached out and flicked him the same way.

Howie looked puzzled.

"You had...something on your shoulder too," I said.

"Oh," he nodded. He grinned. And then he reached out again 
and touched my shoulder again, but this time he just left 
his hand there for a moment, and then he slowly ran it over 
my shoulder and I shivered and he pulled his hand back 
slowly.

I slid just a tiny fraction closer to him and then he 
shifted a little too. We were now staring into each other's 
eyes, both with dopey grins on our faces, and we were really 
close. This wasn't just two guys sharing a bed, my brain was 
telling me.

And then Howie frowned a little.

"Sam," Howie whispered.

My brain was imagining all kinds of things, but I just 
wanted to reach out and run my hand over him.

"Sam," Howie repeated.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"Sam...uh...I have to tell you something."

Oh my God, I thought, he's gonna tell me he likes me. My 
heart was beating fast.

"Sam, uh...I gotta tell you something..." Howie paused, and 
I realized I was holding my breath.

"I'm sorry..." he almost mumbled.

Oh no, I thought, he has a boyfriend...

"Uh...it's kind of embarrassing," he continued.

Now I was wondering. Was he impotent? Had some disease? Oh 
my god, did he have herpes?

"Well," I said, almost swallowing the word before it could 
get out. "It's okay, you can tell me," I said, trying to be 
as reassuring as possible.

"Uh...well...it's...Don't be mad at me...I think you might 
have gotten the wrong idea. Uh..the thing is..." and there 
was a long pause. And then he took a deep breath and said 
the three words I was least expecting, and yet had been 
assuming all day.

"I'm not gay."

I stared at him, not quite digesting it.

"What?" I repeated slowly.

"The thing is..." he began

"You're not gay?" I repeated slowly.

"No."

"Oh," I laughed nervously. "Well that's cool," I said. "I 
don't mind...I'm not...I mean I'm not gay either."

Howie frowned at me.

"I..."

"It's okay...I know," said Howie.

Now I frowned. Fuck!

"Know what?" I asked.

Howie raised his eyebrows. "That you're gay. And it's okay."

I stared at him, not sure how to respond. But the way he was 
looking at me I knew he was sure, and my continuing to deny 
it was pointless.

"Who told you? Louise told you, didn't she?"

"No, well, she kind of hinted..."

"Shit!"

"...but I already knew."

"You knew already?" I asked, surprised, or maybe not 
surprised.

"Yeah...I...well last night when I was checking email I 
happened to look at your book marks."

My mind digested this. Last night he used my computer to 
check his mail.

"Wait! You were spying on me?" I demanded.

"No! No! I was just...you know...kind of seeing what you 
were interested in."

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"It's okay, Sam. I don't mind. I really don't. It makes no 
difference to me."

"Okay," I said slowly, but my brain was working over time.
"Wait, wait," I said. "So all day today...you knew?"

"Yeah," he grinned at me. Maybe he wanted to reassure me, 
but instead I was suddenly very mad.

"And you...you..."

I sat up.

"Sam!"

"Fuck! How could you? You knew and you let me think...Fuck!"

"No Sam! It wasn't..."

"I can't fucking believe it! You shit!" 

I don't know whether it was indignation or embarrassment or 
a combination of both, but I was livid. Here I'd thought I'd 
been getting these signals that he liked me and all along he 
knew I was gay and had been playing along. Playing along 
really well.

And if he wasn't gay, then what was with the whole touching 
me in bed just now? Okay, I'd been sick for hoping to make 
it with a straight guy, but he was fucking sick and twisted.

"Sam I.." Howie interrupted my thoughts.

"Fuck you!" I shouted, and jumped out of bed. 

He'd been..what? playing some kind of game? Lead the queer 
guy on? What the fuck was this?

"Sam stop!" Howie clambered out of bed. "You've got to 
understand..."

"No, screw it," I was screaming at him. "I don't have to 
understand shit about you."

I turned, grabbed up the sleeping bag and the pillow and 
stormed out of my room, ignoring Howie calling for me to 
stop.

And I didn't stop until I got to the spare bedroom and 
slammed the door closed.

Fuck! My anger had carried me here, but now it was all too 
much and tears started pouring out of my eyes.

Then I head footsteps and since there was no lock on the 
door I had to grab the door handle.

There was a tentative knock on the door.

"Sam?" came Howie's voice through the door.

"Go away!" I yelled back at him.

"Sam!" Howie called. "I just want to talk."

"Go - a - way" I yelled back.

"Sam! Please!"

"What part of 'Go away' don't you understand?" I yelled back 
at him.

Then I heard more noise and some whispering.

"Sam?" It was my mother.

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing!" I said. "Ask Howie," I added.

There was a long silence.

"Sam," it was my mother again. "Sam, Howie wants to talk to 
you. Can't you come out and talk to him?"

"No! I cried. "I don't want to talk to him."

"Sam!" came Howie's voice.

'Go away," I begged.

There was more silence.

"Sam, can you open the door?" my Mother asked quietly.

"No."

"Howie's gone back to your room. I just want to make sure 
you're okay. Please, open the door."

I stood there for a moment. Damn, I felt like a kid. 
Couldn't my mom just trust me? I was 19 for Christ's sake.
I opened the door, trying to keep myself under control.

"Are you alright?" my mother asked, she stared at me 
appraisingly, and I tried to appear as casual as I could. I 
hastily wiped my eyes with my wrist.

"Yeah," I nodded. Clearly I wasn't, but I was as all right 
as I could be given the circumstances.

"You don't want to talk?"

"No."

She pursed her lips. "Okay, well if you change your mind," 
my Mom said.

"I will mom. I'm okay," I said, barely keeping it together.

"Okay," she said softly. "Well, good night Sam."

"Night Mom."

And then she turned and left, leaving me alone, and suddenly 
I was like -huh? That's it? She didn't even try and talk me 
down?

Fuck it. See, that's the problem. You want your parents to 
treat you like an adult, and they don't. And then the one 
moment when you real feelly like you want to be treated like 
a little kid - to be gathered up in your parents arms and 
told everything will be okay again - they turn around and 
treat you like an adult that can be left to your own 
devices.

I was just not going to catch a break tonight.

Miserable, I closed the door and went and lay down and tried 
to sleep.



-----------------
to be continued.