Date: Sun, 27 Dec 2009 02:11:12 -0700
From: kevin sandford <montreal_hate@hotmail.com>
Subject: Two and a Half Men

Alan's ex-wife Judith and her husband, Herb, had gotten into a fight, and
of course, Judith somehow found a way to put some of the blame on Alan.
Charlie Harper didn't give a dame about anybody's problems, and he didn't
want to hear them whine about them. But at the same time, he figured he
might benefit from the whole nuisance.

Charlie had finally managed to piss off every single woman in Malibu, and
hadn't gotten any for a couple days. He was use to fucking a different
woman every night. To make matters worse, he burned through his paycheck
from his last jingle already, so he couldn't even go into the city to see
if he could pick up some lower-grade women. Instead he had to stay in and
drink. Since he and his brother were well acquainted with Herb, Alan had
bugged him into letting him stay at Charlie's place while Judith vented.
Charlie didn't actually mind Herb's presence in his house, and they took to
drinking scotch and smoking cigars out on the porch together each night,
relaxing and talking about 'men stuff'.

One night, their conversation had somehow gotten around their endowments.
"Herb, what are you, like 6'4?" Charlie slurred, "So is your cock
proportional to your frame? How big are you?"  "Uhh, that's really not for
you to know, Charlie," Herb replied.  "C'mon, are you afraid that a little
guy like me has a bigger cock? Don't let that get you down, buddy."  "Fine,
if you are really that obsessed with my cock, I'll show you," Herb said,
frustrated. He got out his lounge chair, took off his belt, and dropped his
jeans. Charlie was surprised, as he had only been teasing Herb, and his
eyes were for some reason drawn to Herb's package. Herb's pale legs were
covered with hair, which ran up his lean thighs and beneath the fabric of
his tight briefs. The outline of his limp cock was very prominent, which
together with his huge balls, formed a very enticing package, even to
Charlie, who considered himself straight. Herb grabbed the elastic of his
tighty whities and pushed them down to his ankles. He formed a ring around
his flaccid 5-inch cock with his thumb and index finger, and slowly stroked
it. Charlie was in a trance as Herb's cock grew. As it did so, the long
foreskin pulled back, revealing a huge mushroom head on his thin shaft. At
full size, Herb was 8.5". His cock was surrounded by a large, bushy mound
of hair that spread up, and a dark treasure led up beneath his shirt. His
large testicles sagged; their scrotum was covered in the same mass of
blonde hair. After a few seconds, Herb quickly pulled up his underwear and
pants. "Happy?" Herb said, snapping Charlie out of his daze.

"Huh, what? I didn't actually want to see it you know."

"Really? Because it looks like you didn't mind." Herb replied, looking down
at Charlie's shorts. Charlie's hard dick was obvious in his khaki shorts,
which he was going commando in.

"I haven't gotten laid in three days," Charlie snapped, " a moth can turn
me on at this point. Goodnight," he said as he got up and walked inside.
Slightly embarrassed, he went up to bed, hoping to forget about Herb's
cock, and why it turned him on so much.  Charlie tossed and turned in bed,
he couldn't get to sleep. He kept thinking about Herb's long, uncut cock,
low hanging balls, and forest of pubes. Still half-drunk, Charlie decided
to go downstairs get some fresh air out on the patio. He walked through the
dark, in a t-shirt and boxers that were tented by his hard, thick, 7"
cock. Herb lay sleeping on the couch, it was a warm night, and he didn't
need any blankets. He sprawled out on his back, one leg hanging off the
couch. As Charlie walked by the couch, he had a clear view off Herb's erect
cock, which was peaking through the elastic of his underwear. Charlie was
really horny, and his heart started racing while considering touching
Herb's man meat. With adrenaline and alcohol running through his veins,
Charlie quietly crept to Herb's side, and knelt down, his face level with
Herb's crotch. He carefully lifted the band of the underwear, and waited to
see if Herb would wake up. He Grazed his fingers along Herb's veiny shaft,
but he continued to snore. Charlie then pulled his cock free and started
stroking the already rock-hard cock. A few minutes ago, Charlie had never
thought about being with a guy, but now, his face was inches from the
sleeping giant's dick. Ticking his tongue out, Charlie licked the underside
of the mushroom head, and slowly made his way down the shaft. With his
other hand, he cupped Herb's hairy nuts, and massaged them, lightly.
Charlie then took the entire head into his mouth, letting his saliva wet
the cock, and swirled his tongue around the meat. Herb started breathing
heavier, and when Charlie formed a vacuum around the cock, and started
slowly bobbing up and down, each time going down a tiny bit further, Herb
started moaning in his sleep. "Mmmmmmmm. Ohhhhhh, ohhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh."
As Charlie continued to work Herb's cock with his mouth, Herb started
mumbling, "Oh, Charlie, suck that cock. Fuck, that feels good, get it nice
and wet." Charlie looked up. Herb's eyes were half open, and his arms were
behind his head. "Hey, why'd you stop," Herb stumbled, still buzzed too.
Charlie resumed sucking Herb. After a while, he managed to fit his entire
length down his throat, he buried his face in Herb's pubes each time he
went down.

Charlie removed Herb's shirt, pulling it over his head. Then he started
making his way up Herb's body. He followed his treasure trail, licking past
his belly button, until he got to his hairy chest. Charlie licked Herb's
poker chip-sized nipples, which drove him crazy. He flicked his nipples
with his tongue, tweaked them with his fingers, and swirled his tongue
around his areoles. "Charlie... can I fuck you?"

"I've never been fucked by a guy before."

"I've never fucked a guy before."

Charlie threw off his shirt and boxers, and straddled Herb's chest. Herb
gripped the base of Charlie's cock and stroked his shaft as he started
sucking the tip of his 7" cock, extra slowly. Charlie tossed his head back
in ecstasy as herb let his tongue explore every inch of Charlie's meat.
Herb took his free hand and started squeezing Charlie's ass. His fingers
traced down Charlie's hairy crack, Charlie moved up a little, letting his
balls rest on Herb's face. He tea-bagged him with his hairy scrotum. Herb
took one ball into his mouth at a time, sucking each one like a vacuum.
Herb continued licking towards Charlie's hole. He massaged Charlie's hairy
taint with his tongue. Finally, Herb parted his cheeks, and started rimming
Charlie's ass. He swirled his tongue around his pink hole, which was hairy
like the rest of him. His ass tasted clean, and had a soapy and musky
scent. Charlie squirmed, " Oh, Herb! Oh yeah, eat my ass. Tongue that
hole. You like that hairy ass? Lick it. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

Herb couldn't hold back anymore. He had an extreme case of blue balls. He
hadn't blown a load for over a week, and was ready for release. "You
ready?"

"I want your load inside of me, Herb."

With Herb still on his back, Charlie straddled his hips, and slowly lowered
himself onto Herb's throbbing cock. Herb gripped his dick, and rubbed it
around the saliva-coated ass. Both men were breathing heavily, hearts
racing, bodies glistening with sweat. Charlie lowered his ass, and Herb's
huge mushroom head slide into his wet virgin ass, prying the tight hot
walls apart. Charlie gasped at the new sensation. His body spasmed as he
lost control, he placed his hands on Herb's hairy pecs for support. Herb
put his hands on Charlie's waist, and quickly slid the rest of his length
into Charlie. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Charlie yelled in pleasure. Herb was
feeling euphoric pleasure as he bucked into Charlie, his deep, slippery
hole swallowing Herb's huge cock.

Herb flipped Charlie onto his back, without pulling out of him. He put his
legs over his shoulders. Precum leaked from Herb's cock, lubricating
Charlie's hole even more. "Your cock feels so good in me, Herb. Awww, fuck,
fuck me harder. Fuck me," Charlie begged.

"You want me to fuck you like this, baby?" Herb whispered as he pulled
almost entirely out of Charlie, then slamming it in again. He continued
pounding Charlie's ass as hard as he could, picking up the pace as his
balls slapped Charlie's ass. Charlie was panting hard, his back arched as
Herb hit his prostate. Herb leaned in to kiss Charlie. They parted their
lips, and let their tongues explore each other's mouths. Their hairy torsos
rubbed together, slipping around from the sweat.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh! Fuck, cum inside of me," Charlie begged. After
a few more minutes, Charlie's ass tensed up, all the muscled tightened.

This sent Herb over the edge, his cock was engulfed. His cock pulsed. He
bucked uncontrollably. "I'm gonna fucking cum! Take my fucking load,
Charlie! Aghhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Waves of cum
shot out of his cock, deep in Charlie's ass, coating the walls with his man
juice.

Simultaneously, Charlie orgasmed, his cock blew hot ropes of jizz,
sandwiched between the two bodies. They moaned in unison as they both
experienced the longest, most intense orgasms of their lives. Herb pulled
out of Charlie, and jizz gushed out of his ass, dripping down his hairy
crack. Herb took two fingers and slowly fucked Charlie's loosened hole.
Charlie quietly moaned, trying to regain his breath. Herb scooped up some
of his load from inside of Charlie, and fed it to him. Herb kissed Charlie,
tasting his own cum. Both exhausted, they fell sleep together, naked,
sweaty, and covered in each other's jizz.