Date: Tue, 9 Aug 2011 07:25:49 -0500 From: Paul Tolbert <jatonblue@gmail.com> Subject: Sexy Little Things: Chapter 6 SEXY LITTLE THINGS Chapter 6: STAN WARS! Round 1 Pairing: Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy WWE Slash Fiction "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! This is going to be soooo epic! I cannot wait. Seriously I just want to die like right now." "I can help you with that if you'd like Jeff..." "Matt, stop it. You promised you'd go with me to this concert, AND you promised not to be so bitchy about it." "Sure I promised I'd go with you, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it, because I do not feel happy about it. I can't even believe you like this fool." "STOP IT! She's not a fool!" "My bad. She's not a fool, she's a fucking zombie!!! She's drugged out of her mind every single day of the week. Clearly she isn't the teen idol everyone thought she once was. `Princess of Pop' my ass. Take off the illegitimate crown cause you don't deserve it." "Britney Spears is just going through a tough moment in her EPIC career, a bump in the road if you will. Give her a chance Matt. She'll reclaim the crown from Rihanna, Beyoncé, Lady GaGa, and the soon-to-be mini-threat Willow Smith soon enough." "Britney Spears is a fucking joke. The ONLY reason that I'm going to this concert with you tonight is so that...well...you know, you'll let me try out that thing I wanted to do for a while now." "And you're not getting that if you keep up this `hater-chat' all night. I expect you to behave at the arena. I'm not going to miss a single twirl, hip thrust or dance battle on stage that the goddess Britney will surly bring us tonight. AND DON'T EMBARRASS ME!" "Goddess? Oh geez Jeffrey. She overcompensates by dancing so her basic bitch fans won't notice her awful attempt at what she calls lip syncing." "Matt, just because you STAN for non-relevant factors like Christina Aguilera, doesn't mean you can insult my fav like that." "STAN?" "STAN = STalker fAN. A term use for passionate people in regard to their favorite singers or bands. STAN." "Ugh. You and your terms Jeff. Get that one from John Cena did you, which of course he most likely got from UrbanDictionary Dot Com." "Nope I didn't get that from John. And besides, you love my other terms like `Basic Bitch'. You use it all the time so you have no room to complain." "Yeah I use some of your terms, to describe your stupid choices in the singers you `STAN' for. Speaking of Christina Aguilera, I like her. She's very talented, miles above Britney for sure." "Oh Matthew. Get a fucking grip on the pearls around your neck. My fav shits all over your fav. Xtina Aguilera is over it's so funny." "At least Christina can sing..." "MATT!" "Sorry! God help me. I just want this night to be over all ready." "Whatever. I have to finish getting ready. Where are my fingerless gloves?" "On the night stand. Christina is great by the way. You're just jealous that she won the Grammy for Best New Artist back in 2000 and Britney lost." "Ew! She's like a Lady Gaga wannabe. FLOPonic, her latest music album is a fucking mess. She tried too hard and it didn't work out for the Cindy Lauper look-a-like." "BIONIC was a good album. I liked it. Your `goddess' as you've called her hardly does anything worthy of anyone's attention, except maybe TMZ's. "And yet she stays relevant Matt. Britney is the superior superstar. Admit it." "Don't force me to lie Jeff." "Idiot. Stay mad then." "Sure thing sweetie." "Ugh. Alright I'm ready to leave. You gonna behave or what?" "Yeah I'll behave. I'd rather be at a Christina concert, but whatever. I'll deal with this for the time being, just for you of course." "Thanks. It wont't be that bad Matt, I promise. Just bear with me for the night and all will be good, OK?" "It better be, or I swear..." "Hush fool. You won't do anything." "I'll taser you until your balls ache." "Hmm...how interesting." "It was meant to SCARE you, not AROUSE you, fucking slut." "Well, you know how I love to try out new things dummy. Besides, you're the one who wants me to try impaling myself on a 3 inch wide dildo later tonight after the concert, per our agreement of course." "Yeah, I know." "Well, lets go and enjoy ourselves. I'm ready to get out of here." "Alright. Let's head out." "Matt?" "What Jeff?" "If I said I want your bod-y now, will you--" "Be a genie in a bottle?" "DAMMIT MATT!"