Date: Mon, 05 Mar 2007 20:51:45 -0600
From: David J <boricuaholandes@hotmail.com>
Subject: All Good Things - Chapter 14

Hallo lovlies!!!  I hope that this chapter finds you all well.  I know I
just submitted a chapter late last week, but I figured I would try to make
up for the fact that almost two weeks past between the last two postings.
Again, thanks to everyone for writing with your thoughts and feelings about
the story.  I honestly do appreciate all of them, the good and the bad.  I
hope that you guys will continue writing.  The email address is
boricuaholandes@hotmail.com.  Use it!  You can also feel free to join the
yahoo group if you choose ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/futurecanadiansgroup.

Alright.  Y'all enjoy...

All Good Things
Chapter 14 -- Destruction/The Unexpected

	When I was 22, I was indestructible.  I could do anything, handle
anything, and I didn't take anything from anyone.  I was stubborn.  I seemed
to know how to do anything and everything I set my mind to do, and no one
could tell me a better way to do it.  From the time I'd graduated high
school, I'd dated a few men.  Some were good guys; some were not so good; I
even dated a few thugs in my day.  I had sex with some of them, but most of
them didn't get beyond a second date, if that far.  Then I met Adán, the man
that was everything that all the men I'd dated had been, and so much more.
He was attractive; he was smart; he was nice.  He was of Spanish decent, but
he spoke no Spanish at all.  He was a second generation Canadian.  His
grandparents had immigrated from Europe just before the Civil War in the
1930s.  He was amazing in bed, and he knew better than anyone I'd ever known
how to rock my world.  From time to time, he smoked a little `hierba'
(herb), just for the good time.  To be honest, I smoked with him a couple of
times myself.  I was, after all, indestructible.  Then the frequency of his
use became more regular.  At first, it was every Saturday night, then twice
a week, then every night, at some point.  It came to a point where it was
costing him more and more money to keep up his habit, but it didn't phase
him.  He smoked more and more until he realized that he could get a
different kind of high out of cocaine, as well as other drugs.  He stopped
smoking and started doing other things.  He would tell me that he loved me,
but then would get pissed when I wouldn't join him in his revelry.  As our
relationship progressed, my own self-worth plummeted to depths previously
unknown.  He cheated on me more than once, did unmentionable things to me,
and, in the end, left me to die.  Looking back on things now, it's almost as
if a higher power were telling me that I was not, in fact, unbeatable.  It
left me with a deep mistrust for every man but my father, brother, and my
grandfathers, both of whom were still living at the time, but who died
shortly after the episode that almost ended my life.  To attempt to escape
and rebuild my life led me to Auburn.  It led me to a journey of unexpected
twists and turns.  It led me to great friends whom I will never forget.  It
let to more work that I would ever wish upon anyone, but it was great.  The
most important thing that I found in Auburn, though, was my ability to love
another person again.  To put trust in someone that I didn't know and have
the faith that that person wouldn't hurt me.  I know that I harp often about
Tony and what he meant to me, but I'm not sure that I can truly express
those feelings with simple words.  Anyone who's ever been totally in love
will know that those inner feelings transcend lexical description.

	It was that love that I felt for him that led me to believe that he'd never
treat me the way Adán had done.  I knew in my heart of hearts that he
couldn't ever treat me with as much disdain and disrespect as my previous
lover.  I trusted him with my life; my family trusted him with theirs; my
sister and brother-in-law trusted him with my nephew's life.  He was truly
an amazing man.  He made me feel invincible again.  He gave me confidence in
myself and my abilities.  He led me from a very dark corner of self-loathing
and mistrust and brought me into the proverbial light of life whose warmth
was warmer and whose light was brighter than I'd remembered before.  Perhaps
both of those feelings came from wisdom and active knowledge of the past.
He showed me that I was a survivor, and that I could pass over the most
insurmountable of barriers in front of me.

	Then came the moment that I'd dreaded so much in life.  It was one week and
one day after we returned to Auburn from Florida.  I woke up early that
morning to run some errands, pay some bills, and clean out the last few
things that still remained in my office on campus.  It had been an amazing
day.  The sun shined; the gentle breeze cut the heat of day.  It was one of
those days that you just want to let the top down on your convertible and
drive just fast enough along a country road so that the wind never stopped
flowing through your hair and the sights and smells of spring reminded you
of your youth.  I'd left Tony asleep that morning, since the rest of the
week, he and I would be working to get things packed up and ready to move
either to Canada, in the case of our personal belongings, or Charlotte, in
the case of our furniture, which we'd agreed to give to Martín for his very
first apartment.  I wanted him to have a restful, relaxing day, because I
was sure that I'd be driving him mad over the next few to get things done.
As the day ended, I made a slight detour toward Tigertown, the area's most
extensive shopping center.  I went to Best Buy and Target, browsing through
both stores with no real ideas in mind of what to purchase.  I went to World
Market and browsed through their selection of goods that had been found in
all the reaches of the world.  I never bought anything in that store except
for wine, tea, and chocolate, but it was fun just to browse around and see
the things that they had stocked for their more discerning customers.  I
left the store with two bottles of Chilean wine.  Tony and I would probably
end up drinking part of one of the bottles over dinner, which probably would
be pizza, since I'd already started packing most of the kitchen things, such
as the pots, pans, and plates.  I was very calm and happy as I drove down
Glenn Avenue toward the apartment.  I listened to happy songs that played
through my iPod in the car's stereo system.  I don't remember what song it
was that was playing, but I remember that it evoked feelings of happiness
and contentment.

	As I pulled into the apartment complex, I pulled the car in a space next to
Tony's truck.  I smiled as I walked toward our building and then slowly up
the stairs to the apartment.  I didn't notice, at first, that Josh's truck
was parked just on the other side of my car.

	As I opened the door, my heart sank.  My arms went weak first, causing me
to drop the bag from World Market that carried the two bottles of wine.  My
legs were next, and I felt like my knees were going to buckle beneath me.
Before me was a scene I'd seen before, but that I hoped I'd never have to
repeat again.

	Tony was sitting on the couch, wearing a shirt that I'd given him at a
random point in time.  His jeans were around his ankles.  Josh was sitting
on top of him, completely naked and enjoying sex that Tony should have been
having with me, his boyfriend.  I started crying uncontrollably, and
eventually had to walk outside onto the patio as Josh pulled himself up and
started to get dressed.  I was beyond words; my breathing became heavy; my
hard pumped hard in my chest.  I was reliving one of my worst nightmares.  I
started and then couldn't stop crying.  Josh ran out of the house in just a
moment, quickly descending the stairs and getting to his truck, all without
even looking in my direction.

	Walking back into the house, Tony was standing there pacing.  Was he
thinking about what to tell me?  Was he planning `the truth'?  He started
talking to me, but, to be completely honest, it sounded like the Charlie
Brown teacher from the Peanuts movies.  I couldn't understand a word he was
saying, but from the look on his face, he was begging forgiveness for his
crime.  Would he have even told me if I hadn't caught him in the act?
Despite the fact that he was talking to me, I couldn't respond.  I just
turned toward the bedroom and walked slowly.  Once in the room, I took a
suitcase from the closet and began packing some clothes.

	Tony reached up and put his hand on my shoulder.  "Don't fucking touch me!"
I screamed as I turned to look at him.  In a moment, all of my sadness
turned to anger.  He stopped talking for a second as I looked at him.
"Please...you just had your dick in his ass.  Forgive me if I don't want you
to lay a finger on me."

	He pulled away but kept talking.  His voice blurred with those that were in
my head.  I couldn't distinguish his from what my mind was telling me.  I
finished packing the suitcase and headed toward the door.  I didn't know
where I was going, but I couldn't stay there, with him.  He was following me
to the door, but I wouldn't stop.  I quickly descended the stairs.  I only
stopped when I heard Tony scream from within the apartment, followed by the
loud sound of something being thrown against the wall.  I got to the car,
continuing to bawl and pulled out of the parking lot as quickly as I could.
There was no reason for my actions; I was simply acting out of an odd sense
of self-preservation.  I made it a few blocks away, toward the interstate,
when I finally had to just pull over.  My breathing got heavy again, and my
heart began to pump again.  It felt like I was having an anxiety attack.

	After relaxing for a few minutes, I started driving again.  I pulled onto
the interstate and headed toward Montgomery.  For a moment, I thought about
staying there that night and then coming back to Auburn in the coming
morning, but by the time I got to the state's capital, I didn't want to
stop.  I wanted to just keep driving.  I didn't want to stop, because the
moment I did, I'd be stuck wherever I was, thinking about all of the things
that I'd been scared about happening since the moment I met Tony that dreary
Tuesday afternoon in the language lab.  So I kept going, driving up I-65
though Birmingham, Cullman, Huntsville, up through the Tennessee countryside
and into Nashville.  By the time I got there, it was almost eleven, and I
couldn't stay awake very much longer.  I felt all the energy draining from
my body as if I were a car with a leak in the gas tank.  I made it to
Brentwood and pulled off the interstate.  Luckily for me, there was a hotel
just off the interstate.  I decided that it was probably best to just stay
there, despite a bad feeling that I wouldn't be sleeping very much that
evening.  I pulled into a space close to the door.  It was all that I could
do to take the suitcase from the car and walk inside the front door.

	"Can I help you, sir?" the lady asked.

	"Can I please have a room for the evening?" I asked, now realizing just how
drained I was.

	"Yes.  All I have is a queen room, though.  Is that OK?"

	"Yeah.  That's fine," I said, handing her my passport and credit card to
the lady.

	"Thank you, Mr. Henry," she said as she handed me some paperwork to sign
and then a receipt and a room key.  She smiled and then directed me around
to the elevators.

	"Jake?" a familiar voice said before I made my way all the way to the
elevator.  I turned to the direction of the voice.

	"Hey Lucas," I said, trying to be nice to one of the men who'd at one point
been one of Tony's frat brothers.  "How are you?"

	"Good.  How about you?  How's that boyfriend of yours?" he asked politely.

	"I'm OK.  He and I had a fight tonight, though."

	"That explains why you've been crying, then."

	"Is it that obvious?"

	"Yeah.  You OK?  Do I need to call somebody for you?"

	"Thank you, Lucas, but I'll be fine."

	"Alright.  Well, I'm in room 4310 if you need anything."

	"Thank you, very much.  I will let you know."

	"Alright man," he said as he walked away.  I waved politely to him and took
the elevator to my own room.

	The room was good enough for one evening.  I sat the suitcase down on a
chair and lay down on the bed.  I breathed deeply a few times, but I found I
couldn't cry.  It was as if all the crying I'd done that afternoon had dried
my tear ducts.  The phone began to ring in my pocket.  I was in such a bad
mood that I couldn't handle talking to whomever it was that was calling.  It
was probably Tony, anyway, and I really didn't want to talk to him.  I
managed to get up just long enough to put on some different clothes to sleep
in.  A bit later, I was able to lay down for a few minutes.  I finally went
to sleep around 1 in the morning.  It wasn't peaceful, needless to say.

	The next morning, I woke up numb from the previous day's experiences.  I
showered and checked out quickly.  I had no desire to stay in Nashville any
longer than I had to.  It's a nice city, but I didn't want to stay in one
place for too long.  I'd realized in the year or so since I started driving,
that being behind the wheel of the car could be a powerfully relaxing time
for someone.  It was around 9 am when I left Nashville.  I headed north on
I-65 toward Louisville.  Then I took I-71 toward Cincinnati, followed by
I-75 to Dayton and Detroit.  It was obviously that the car was leading me
toward Canada.  Perhaps the BMW, in it's own was, was telling me that you
can always go home, and that you can always use that place to restore your
faith in everything.

	I reached the border at around 5 pm.  A line had formed as people's
documents were checked by the men dressed in white shirts with the black
hats with the checked band.  Finally, my turn arrived.

	"Hello.  How are you today?"

	"I'm good," I answered as I handed him my driver's license, passport, and
car registration.  (Don't ask me why I handed my car registration to the
man.  I still wasn't thinking straight, I suppose.)

	"That's good, Mr. Henry.  Headed home?"

	"Yes sir," I answered without thinking.

	"Good.  Welcome home, then!"

	"Thank you," I said as I smiled.

	Four hours later, I was pulling into Toronto.  I realized as I drove into
the city that I'd completely lost my fear of Toronto drivers.  Perhaps a
bright spot in my time in Auburn is that I realized how crazy drivers work
well enough to move around without problems.  The car seemed to meander
through the streets of Toronto until I came upon Joey's gym.  It was almost
10 pm, but he was still there with a client.  I walked in the door, setting
off a bell in the process.

	"I'll be right back," I heard Joey tell the client as he walked toward the
reception lobby of the gym.  "Can I help...JAKE!" he said as he came over to
me and pulled me into a hug.  "How are you?" he said as he pulled away.
Noticing the blank expression on my face, his smile disappeared.  "I take it
things are not all good right now."

	"Not really.  I just need a friend."

	"I take it since you're alone that it has something to do with Tony," he
commented.  "Give me just a minute, and I'll run up and fix you some tea."
I nodded and walked around the lobby for a second.  Joey walked into the
main gym for a second.  Hearing the clanging of the weights, it reminded me
of when Tony worked for the gym on campus.  I remembered being happy as Tony
helped whip my body into shape.  I also remember that one most of those
nights, we'd got back to the apartment and make sweet love to one another
until we fell asleep among the mass of hot, sweaty, steamy, wet sheets.  A
man walked passed me in the lobby and smiled in my direction.  He donned a
light jacket and walked out of the gym and toward a car parked close to
mind.  Joey came back into the lobby and locked the door.  He turned off the
lights and then smiled as he grabbed my suitcase and led me upstairs to the
apartment above the gym.  He turned on the light to the small apartment's
living room and motioned for me to have a seat as he carried my suitcase
into another room.  There were no words between us, but there seemed to be
an air of friendship and support.  He'd been through cheating boyfriends,
just like I had, but he seemed better equipped to handle the situation that
I had been, either time I had caught my boyfriend.  I could see into the
small kitchenette as he put water into the kettle and then set it on to
boil.  We looked at each other, and he made a goofy face.  I smiled for the
first time in two days.

	"Do you remember the first time I called you on the phone with Adán
around?" I asked as he stood in the kitchen waiting on the water to get hot
enough to make tea.

	"He didn't?!?" Joey said, looking at me.

	"Yeah.  I caught him yesterday afternoon doing a guy from his fraternity."

	"Oh my God, Jake.  I am so sorry," Joey said as he determined the water was
hot enough and poured it into two coffee mugs.

	"It's not your fault, Joey, but thank you."

	"You know.  I've never understood why men cheat.  I mean, I think that
we're two really good, really smart, really cool guys who have a lot to give
a man, but yet when we give our hearts, we get shit on."

	"I know it.  I mean, what did I ever do to him to make him feel like he had
to go outside our relationship to get his rocks off?  Was I not good enough
for him, or something?"

	"Trust me, Jake.  You're REALLY good!" Joey exclaimed, smiling at me.  "And
it's not you, I promise."  He looked at the mug of tea in his hand.  "You're
really a great guy.  You didn't do anything to make him want to go outside.
He's just stupid.  He evidently just didn't realize that he had a smart,
funny, sexy-as-hell, sweet man at home."  Joey scooted over close to me and
wrapped his free arm across my shoulder.  He pulled me into one of those
really sweet sideways hugs.  My head felt natural as it rested on his
shoulder and chest.

	"Thank you, Joey."

	"No worries, Jake.  You'd do the same thing for me if the situations were
reversed, right?"

	"Damn right," I answered as I realized a tear went down my face and onto
the muscle shirt he was wearing.  "Oh sorry," I said as I lifted his head.

	"It's alright, Jake.  Not the first time a hot man has cried on my chest."

	"Not the first time I've cried on your chest," I said, setting my head back
down on him for a second.

	"It's OK, Jake.  We're cool like that," he said, making a weird face and
puckering his lips.  I chuckled a little bit as I looked at him.  He smiled.
  Joey always had this way about him that made me smile.  "OK, dude.  Before
you pass out from the aroma of my underarms, I'm going to go take a shower.
Find something on the TV to watch, and I will be back in 10 minutes.  Cool?"

	"Cool," he unwrapped himself from around me and stood up in front of me.  I
flipped through the channels.  It was a Tuesday night, and nothing was on
TV.  I flipped through the channels as the water flowed in the bathroom.
The news was on CTV, and the CBC is just as interesting.  I quickly skipped
past the American channels.  I had no desire to be reminded of Tony by
anything that might be shown on American TV.

	"Anything interesting?" he asked as he came out, with a white towel wrapped
around his waist.

	"Not really," I said as I continued to flip.

	"Ah.  Well...here's the deal.  I only have the futon to sleep on.  You're
welcome to it, and I can pull out a sleeping bag and camp out on the floor."

	"No man.  It's your house, and I've already become and imposition on your
personal space."

	"Jake.  You're one of the only people on this planet I call a friend.
You're so not an imposition, so get that out of your head.  OK?"  He walked
over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.  "OK?"

	"Alright."

	"Now take the futon."

	"Thank you, Joey."

	"No hay problema.  Hey, I just said something in Spanish!" he smiled at me.
  (Not a problem.)

	"I'm very proud of you."

	"Cool!" he exclaimed as he walked back to the closet and grabbed a brown
sleeping bag and another pillow.  He tossed them onto the floor in front of
the futon.  "I guess I should put on some boxers," he said, realizing that
he was still naked under the towel.  He walked into the next room and pulled
some white boxers onto his buff body.  I'd pulled out the futon and was
crouched up next to the wall when he came back in.  He shut off the light
and got the sleeping bag ready by the light from the street as it shined
into his living room via the large window at one end of the room.

	"Night Jake."

	"Night, Joey."  I shut my eyes and tried to go to sleep, but it was cold.
Not in the sense that the temperature was too low, but in the sense that it
was lonely.  I heard him shuffle a few times on the floor, so I knew that he
was still at least somewhat awake.  "Joey, are you still awake?"

	"Yep.  You OK?"

	"Can I ask you a really dumb favor?"

	"Sure.  Need something to drink?"

	"No.  Will you cuddle with me?"  He climbed out of the sleeping bag and
grabbed his pillow.  I scooted closer to the wall as he climbed in under the
covers.  "I know you think I'm crazy, but I've gotten accustomed to having
someone to sleep with at night."

	"I completely understand.  If I tell you something, will you promise never
to tell another living soul?"

	"Yeah."

	"When Jeff and I split, I was the same way.  Guess who cuddled with me so
that I could get some sleep."

	"Who?"

	"Danny," he whispered.

	"My brother?"

	"Yeah."

	"He never told me that."  I knew that Joey had stayed there for a few days
after they broke up, until he came to Auburn, but I never knew that Danny
had cuddled with him.

	"He's a very sweet man, just like his big brother."  Joey wrapped his arm
around me, holding me in a protective cocoon.  "He's going to want to kill
Tony."

	"I know.  Is it odd that I don't want him to be mad at Tony?"

	"No.  I was the same way with everybody and Jeff.  I think I just wanted to
move past that very bad time in my life."

	"Do you think I did a good thing by coming home?" I asked after a second.

	"Yeah.  Jake.  If he's going to do something like that, then he doesn't
deserve you.  I know that doesn't really answer the question, but it's the
truth, so don't second guess yourself or your decision.  OK?"

	"Thank you, Joey."

	I managed to sleep for a little while that night.  I guess it was having
somebody close to me.  It was good to be held.  The next morning, I woke
before Joey did.  His arms were wrapped around my body.  I thought about
Tony for a few minutes, but all the good memories were overshadowed by the
images of Tony, making love in my house, on my sofa with another man.  My
reminiscing was broken by the sound of Joey's phone ringing.  After the
second ring, he climbed out of the bed and shuffled around the room until he
found his phone.

	"Hello?" he said.

	"Hey Joey.  This is Tony," I heard him say through the stark silence in the
room.

	"Hey man.  How's it going?"

	"Not too good, honestly.  Jake and I had a fight Monday, and I've not heard
from him since."

	"Oh no," Joey said, playing like he didn't know what happened.

	"Have you heard from him, by chance?"

	"I haven't.  Sorry," Joey answered.

	"Will you do me a favor and ask him to call me if you do?"

	"I will, Tony."

	"Alright man.  Thanks so much," Tony said.

	"No problem, man."

	"Cool.  Bye Joey."

	"Bye man," Joey said as he hung up the phone.

	I turned over and looked at Joey.  "Thank you," I said to Joey.

	"No problem, Jake.  I figured that since you came over here, you hadn't
told your brother or mother yet."

	"Not yet.  I'm trying to figure out a way to tell them without them getting
pissed off."

	"Not likely to happen, Jakey," Joey answered.  "It was all I could do not
to tell him off on the phone just now."

	"I'm sorry for putting you in an awkward position."

	"You're not putting me in an awkward position.  If you were, I'd have a
hard on right now," he joked.

	"JOEY!!!!" Danny yelled from downstairs, having used a key that Joey had
given him to let himself into the gym.  He climbed the stairs quickly and
burst into the apartment.  "Jake!  There you are!  We've been worried sick.
Are you OK?" my brother asked as he saw me sitting up on the edge of the
futon.

	"I'm fine.  I just needed to be incognito for a few days."

	"Because of Tony?" Danny asked as he sat next to me.

	"You've talked to him?" I asked.

	"Yeah.  He called me last night, crying," he said calmly.  "He said that
he'd fucked up real bad, but he wouldn't tell me what happened."

	"Um..." I struggled to tell him.  "Danny.  Promise me that you won't get
upset."

	"I can't promise that," Danny said honestly.

	"I caught him cheating on me," I answered.  Danny stood up from the couch
and walked toward the window.  Joey excused himself and went downstairs.
"Please don't be mad at me for not calling you, Danny.  I just needed to be
incognito, because I didn't want to upset you until I completely understood
what was going on."  I'd walked to the window, where he'd moved when he got
up.

	"Jakey.  You're my brother," he took me into a hug, "I could never be mad
at you.  Now Tony, if I see him ever again, I will beat his skull in for
hurting you."  I started crying as my brother held me close to him.  "I'm
glad that I didn't know that last night."

	"Why?" I asked.

	"I would have cussed the mother fucker out."

	"Danny, please don't be upset with him."  He pulled me away and looked at
me oddly.  "He's a good mad who made a bad decision."

	"OK..." he said.  "He fucked you over, just like Adán did.  I just don't
want to see you hurt like that again.  You deserve a man who won't hurt
you."

	"I love you, Danny."

	"Likewise, bro.  You're the coolest guy I know."  I stopped crying after a
moment, changed into some proper work out attire and went downstairs with
Danny to run a bit.  I ran for almost two hours, giving myself a bit to
think about everything.  I came to a decision about the situation with Tony
as I ran kilometer after kilometer, but it was one that I had to keep to
myself for a bit.

	Later that Wednesday afternoon, I went to Mom's house.  Danny had promised
not to tell her or Aunt Freda what happened, but told me that I better do
it.  They were family, and had a right to know what was under my skin.  I
slowly drove through the winding streets of our neighborhood.  I pulled into
the driveway, and I before I could get out of the car good, Mom and Aunt
Freda were practically running out of the house.

	"JACOB HENRY!  WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?  ARE YOU OK?" Mom asked as she came
over and gave me a hug like only a mother could.

	"I'm fine, Mom.  I stayed over at Joey's last night."

	"You came into town last night and you didn't call me?  Tony has called a
thousand times wanting to know if you were OK."  She looked at me, and the
look on my face.  "What happened?"

	"I wanted to stay incognito while I thought about some things."

	"Some things?" she asked.

	"Yeah."

	"Like?"

	"Mom.  I caught him..."

	"You caught him?" she asked.

	"He was with one of his frat brothers."

	"OK?" Mom asked, with one of those `how is that weird' looks in her eyes.

	"Oh God!" Aunt Freda said.  "Susan, Tony was WITH one of his frat
brothers," Aunt Freda explained.

	"Oh baby!  I'm so sorry," Mom said, pulling me into another hug.  "I
thought he was different."

	"Me too, Mom.  Me too."

	My aunt and mother pulled me into the house.  They tried to make me eat
something, but I didn't feel up for it.  I just wanted to go up to my room
and sleep for a while.  They agreed to let me go for a bit, but made me
promise to come eat dinner with them for dinner.  Mom even promised to fix
some of her famous beef stew, which was one of my favorite of all her
recipes.  Despite the fact that it was May, it did sound good.  I went up
the room and lay down on the bed.  Everyone but Jane knew then.  After a
little bit of trying to take a nap, I got up and started putting my clothes
in the drawer.  I realized that I had accidentally brought one of Tony's
frat t-shirts with me all the way to Canada.  I held it to my face and
breathed in deeply.  It smelled like him.  It was almost as if he were in
the room with me.  It brought back good memories, but memories that were
overshadowed by the image of Tony, fucking Josh.  I quickly balled up the
shirt and put it in a lower drawer, hoping that I wouldn't find it again for
a long, long time.  I finished unpacking and headed into the bathroom for a
long, hot shower.

	Later that evening, at around 7, I joined Mom and Freda in the kitchen for
a quiet, peaceful supper.  It was good to hear Mom and Freda go on about
things that were totally unimportant to me.  Their conversation filled the
room with the delightful sounds of love and familiarity.  I think I even
smiled as they talked about something I'd done as a baby.  It was something
weird about how I tried to drive a moving van, or something.

	The peace was interrupted though, as the phone began to ring.  It rang
once, quieting the whole room, creating a silence as thick and strong as the
impermeable wall separating the Chinese from the Mongol hordes.  The second
ring snapped us out of our haze.  We all knew who it was that was calling.
If Mom were to answer the phone, it would be world war three; Aunt Freda
would give him a guilt trip.  I, on the other hand, had to be honest with
him about my feelings and tell him exactly what it was that I'd decided
earlier in the day, while I was running at the gym.

	"Hello?" I said after getting up and grabbing the cordless phone in the
kitchen.  I took it down the hall to what had been, at one time, my father's
office.

	"Hey," Tony said after a second of silence.  "I didn't expect you to answer
the phone."  He sounded half concerned about me, half surprised.

	"How are you?" I asked, avoiding the inevitable.

	"I'm OK.  I came to Charlotte."

	"Cool.  At Gui's?"

	"Yeah.  Nani's not happy with me right now, so I couldn't stay there."

	"Why not?"

	"She was pissed at when I told her what happened between us.  She kept
saying what I already knew about fucking up a very good thing."

	"Oh."

	"Jake.  Please know that I never intended for anything like what happened
to happen."

	"I know, Tony."

	"You do?"

	"Yeah.  You're a good man, Tony.  The thing that upset me the most is not
that you were having sex with him, but that I thought you would never do
something like that to me."

	"I swear that I never meant to, Jake."

	"I know, Tony.  It just hurt really, really bad.  Ya know?"

	"I can imagine."

	"Tony, I love you..."

	"I love you, too, but it sounds like there's a `but' coming."

	"Tony," I said as I started crying, "I need some time to think about
things."  I could tell that I was breaking his heart; he was crying into the
phone.  "I'm sorry, Tony.  I just need to get some things right in my head."

	"Does this mean what I think it might mean?" he asked.

	"I think so."

	"OK," he said simply.  He was crying more audibly.  It was breaking my
heart, because I knew I was ripping his to shreds.  "Listen.  I'm going to
go for a bit.  Is it cool if I call you tomorrow?"

	"Anytime, Tony."

	"Alright.  Bye Jake."

	"Bye."

	For some reason, I moved into the floor as I clutched the phone.  I balled
myself and cried.  God, I was crying so hard as I thought about what I'd
just done.  My sobbing was audible from the kitchen, since Mom came into the
office within just a few minutes.  She knelt down on the floor beside me,
rubbing my back.  "It's OK, baby.  It'll be alright."

	"I just broke up with him, Mom."

	"Oh baby," she said as she continued to rub my back.  I lifted myself up
and sat down on the floor.  "Are you OK?"

	"I told him that I needed some time," I said honestly.  "I could hear him
cry, Mom.  I swore I would never hurt him, but I ripped his heart into
shreds."

	"Sometimes the best decisions are not the most popular or the easiest,
baby."

	"I know, but it hurts me worse than I hurt him."

	"It'll be alright, baby."  She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me
tightly.  "It will be alright."

	I decided that I needed to lay down for a few minutes.  I got up off the
floor and walked with Mom out of the office and up to my room.  That was
Wednesday evening; the next time I remember being awake was the following
Friday afternoon.  Tony hadn't called the entire time I was asleep, which
was almost two days.  (Granted, I remember waking up to take a drink of
water and to pee from time to time, but I didn't have the energy to do much
more.)  I remember waking up and being fully awake, though I felt detached
from the things around me.  I didn't have a headache, but there was a mild
discomfort in my head as all the things that had been said between Tony and
me replayed in my mind.

	"How are you feeling?" Aunt Freda asked as I wandered into the kitchen.

	"I'm OK, I guess," I answered, smiling at my aunt's gaze, filled with love
and support.

	"Good.  Danny and Joey came by a bit ago to check on you, but I told them
that you were asleep."

	"I hate I missed them," I said, scratching my head.  "Have either of them
heard from Tony?"

	"They didn't say if they had," she added as she mixed something on one of
the kitchen counters.

	"Oh."

	"You sound disappointed."

	"I am a little."

	"Why, if you don't mind me asking?"

	"I don't.  I know he didn't mean to hurt me.  I know that he never would do
anything to intentionally upset me.  I guess part of me hopes that we can
work things out."

	"He's always seemed like a good man, and the two of you seemed happy.
Perhaps the two of you CAN work things out."

	"I doubt it.  Around me, all good things seem to turn to shit, eventually."

	"Jake.  I used to believe that too, but then I came the realization one
night that all good things may not always turn to gold, but they don't
always turn to shit, either.  Sometimes a good thing simply evolves into
something better and more beautiful than it was before.  It's kind of like
how a caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly.  It spends the first
part of its life just going around eating, and then it wraps itself up into
a cocoon only to come out as a beautiful butterfly."  What my aunt said made
perfect sense.  "Can I give you a piece of unsolicited advice?"

	"Yeah, sure."

	"Don't think bad of me, but I found that this thing has helped me look more
objectively at your uncle."

	"OK."

	"Go out to some place where you never go, find a hot man, and fuck his
brains out."  I couldn't help but laugh at what my aunt was saying.
"Seriously, it had been almost 30 years since I had a real,
non-self-inflicted orgasm.  It really helped to get my mind off some things,
and really fuck your uncle in the ass in the divorce."

	"I don't know that I could do that, Freaka," I said, getting a smile from
her, "but thank you.  I love you."

	"I love you, too, Jake."

	I drank some juice quickly and walked back upstairs.  I checked my email
quickly, something I hadn't done all week.  There was a bunch of junk in all
my accounts.  Most of the messages were deleted upon sight.  One message
that caught my attention was from Josh, the man who had single-handedly
ruined my relationship with Tony.  I decided that it might be best to save
that message for later.  I don't know; I just didn't want to revisit that
moment anytime in the near future.  Besides, did I really care what he had
to say?

	Mom got home a bit later and offered to take us out to dinner.  Neither of
them felt like cooking.  We decided to go to a chain American-style
restaurant just a bit away from the house.  I dressed appropriately to go
out, and we were soon off.  Dinner was quiet.  The two of them managed to
make me smile.  By the time we got home that evening, I was tired again.  It
was only 9 pm, and I was tired again, after only having been awake for six
hours.

	The next few days went by well.  The following Monday, I called the school
that I was to be teaching at in the fall and respectfully declined the
position that I'd been offered.  To be honest, I'd only accepted the offer
because Tony was coming back to Canada with me.  Because of his absence in
my life at the moment, I didn't feel that I wanted to be in a place that
might (or might not) make me think of Tony every time I walked in the door.
That may seem weird to some people, but I decided that I didn't want to do
it.  I was independently wealthy.  I didn't have to work if I didn't want
to, and at that point in my life, I didn't feel like working.  I wanted to
travel and do other things.  I wanted to go to Cuba, Italy, Morocco, Spain,
and a wealth of other places that I'd longed to see for some time.

	The rest of the week was odd.  I was trying to adjust to being single
again.  There were times when I felt incredibly lonely.  There were times
when I felt, oddly, liberated from the confines of a relationship.  At one
point, I even talked myself into taking my aunt's advice, but then I would
be ready to go and back out, opting to stay in my room and watch TV.  Danny
and Joey were especially supportive as the time continued to pass between
the last conversation I had with Tony on the phone.  That night, something
told me that I wouldn't hear from him in a while.  I didn't blame him for
not wanting to talk to me, but I also didn't want to call him, because I
didn't want him to think that, for some reason, I wanted to try to push the
stake that I'd inserted directly into his heart even further into the depths
of his existence.  Could it be that I was still in love with him, despite
the drama of the previous two weeks?