Date: Sun, 11 Mar 2007 22:52:39 -0600
From: David J <boricuaholandes@hotmail.com>
Subject: All Good Things - Chapter 15

Hello!!!  Thanks to everyone that has written.  I really appreciate how many
of you shared your opinions about the story line or individual characters.

So here is chapter 15.  Again, I hope that you guys enjoy!

David ;)

All Good Things
Chapter 15 - "The Ties That Bind"

	"My God!" I said to myself as I rolled over in my large, king sized bed.
"Do they have to make THAT much noise?"  I was experiencing the effects of
the morning after a night of heavy drinking.  "Why did I have to drink so
much?" I whined into the pillow that Tony had always used at my mother's
house.  "That's why," I said, inhaling the fabric.  I could still smell him
on it, even after sending the pillow case through the washing machine.  Was
it just my imagination, wishing he was there with me?

	"JACOB!!!" Mom yelled from the lower level of the house.  "Get your ass out
of bed!"  The sound of her voice made my body cringe and my head pound even
worse.  "JACOB!!!" she yelled again.

	"Shut up, you evil winch!" I exclaimed in the pillow.

	I managed to crawl myself out of bed and make it into the bathroom.  The
light made my head hurt worse, but it had to be turned on, otherwise I
wouldn't have been able to find the bottle of Aleve I kept for just such
situations.  I pulled down my boxers and sat down on the toilet.

	"JACOB!!!"

	"I'm in the bathroom, Mom."

	"OH!"  She came to the door, which I'd managed to close before sitting
down.  "You OK?"

	"I'm fine.  I'm just hungover."

	"Bad?"

	"I want to die."

	"Ahh..."  There was a pause from outside the door.  "Jake, honey, I'm
concerned."

	"About?"

	"Baby.  You know that I don't mind you going out and having a good time,
but this is getting out of hand.  You've been out almost every night since
you and Tony broke up.  You come home every morning at 2 or 3, drunk."

	"Do I bother you guys?"

	"Well, no.  I just worry about you, though.  I'm afraid that the road
you're on could lead to far worse things."

	"I'm sorry Mom.  I haven't meant to upset you."

	"Oh Babe," she said as I stood, pulled up my boxers and flushed the toilet.
  "It's only upsetting me in the fact that I'm concerned that you're
drinking too much."  I walked outside of the bathroom.  My mom was standing
there, looking at me.  "I can't tell you how to deal with things, baby, but
I wish that you would just slow down the drinking.  I want you around for a
very, VERY long time."  She pulled me into a hug.  She looked at me and
smiled before pulling me into another hug.

	"I love you, Mom."

	"I love you, too."  She let me go and walked toward the door to my room.
"And get dressed.  The guests will be arriving for the barbecue in about two
hours."

	"Oh shit.  I didn't realize it."

	"The large maple leaf flags outside the house didn't give it away?"

	"I wasn't paying very much attention when I got home last night," I
answered honestly, as the pain of my headache began to subside.

	"Uh huh...Jake.  It's going to be alright," she said, standing in the
doorway.

	"I know.  It just takes time."

	"Right.  And it takes the love and support of your family and friends."
Her sage advice hit to the core as she turned and walked back downstairs.
She was right.  If it hadn't been for Mom, Danny, Joey and the rest of the
gang, I'm not sure what would have happened to me.  I might have wallowed
myself away in self-pity, just as I'd tried to do when Adán and I ended what
I thought was the only time in my life that I would ever find love.

	I grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom to take a shower.
The warm water helped sooth the muscles that had ached from the night of
dancing that I'd come home from.  I ran the soap along my body; I washed my
hair; I tried my best not to think of Tony's strong masculine hands rubbing
against my body; I tried not to think of the many mornings we got up and
went straight into the shower...to clean ourselves, of course.  (Picture me
saying that with an evil grin.)  I tried not to remember the good times,
because there was, without a doubt, that lingering feeling of betrayal.
Like every other morning before, I started crying.  When would the pain of
the events be over?  When I would be able to wake up and not think about
him, with all the good and bad things?  The weight of my memory of Tony was
often too much to bear, which was part of the reason I went out almost every
night, either with Danny or Joey, or on my own.  It's the reason why I'd
developed an appreciation for tequila on a near daily basis.  As the water
flowed, I sat down opposite the flow and just let the water run until I was
able to present myself to people without them knowing the full depth of my
inner conflicts.  I finally felt presentable after a few minutes.  I climbed
out of the shower, turning off the water before pulling the curtain back.  I
was dripping water on the floor, looking for a towel.  I wiped it all over
my body, drying myself off.  Finally it was time for my hair.  Without
thinking, I opened the door to the bathroom and began walking into my room.

	"DAMN JAKE!  I didn't realize you were THAT big," Danny said, scaring the
hell out of me, honestly.

	"What the FUCK are you doing in here?" I said as I stammered through my
drawers to find a pair of clean boxers.

	"And that ass.  If I was gay and wasn't your brother, I would rip that shit
wide open!"

	"DANIEL!" I screamed, my face a bright shade of red as I pulled a pair of
boxers on my body.  Danny was rolling on the bed laughing.  "I wouldn't
squirm around too much on that bed, Danny.  I haven't changed my sheets in a
week or so."

	"FUCK!" he said, jumping off the bed.  It was my turn to laugh as the
thoughts of what I'd been doing, by myself, on the bed ran through his head.
  "I'm gonna need therapy for that one!"

	"I'm only kidding, Danny.  Nothing has happened in a LONG time."  He looked
a bit relieved, and took a seat on the edge of the bed as I walked into my
closet and grabbed pair of jeans and a t-shirt that said "Saskatchewan –
Mississippi without the river."

	"So how are you feeling?"

	"I'm OK," I answered, not knowing if he wanted to know about that morning
specifically or about life in general.

	"So listen.  I know I've been an enabler to you over the last few weeks,
taking you out WAY too much."

	"It's OK, Danny.  I've already had this talk this morning with Mom."

	"This isn't about you drinking.  This is about me not being able to take
you out for a while.  When I brought you home last night, you were crying
and weeping and talking about Tony the whole night.  I love you, but I feel
that I need to focus on helping you get over that assmite rather than taking
you drinking so that you can relive every memory you have of him."  After
pulling on my shirt, I sat next to him on the bed.  "Jake.  You know I love
you, and one day, you're going to find a guy that will know that he's got
steak at home and not feel the need to go through the McDonald's drive
through."  I lay my head onto Danny's shoulder; he, in turn, wrapped his arm
around my shoulders and pulled me into a sideways hug.  "I love you, Jakey."

	"Thank you, Danny."

	"For?"

	"For being the best brother alive," I answered honestly.

	"Nah.  I'm sure there are better brothers.  I could think of one, right off
the top of my head," he said sweetly as he nuzzled me into him quickly.  I
started to cry again.  It seemed that anytime that anything sweet happened
around me, I became emotional.  I'm such a girl sometimes, I guess.  "So,"
he said, changing the conversation's topic to something more happy, "I
brought Matilda."

	"And I'm fucking hungover?" I asked.

	"Don't ever tell her that I told you, this, but she is, too."  I started
laughing.  Leave it to Danny to know just when I needed to laugh.

	"I guess I better fix my hair so that she doesn't think I'm a lush or
anything," I said, walking into my bathroom to make sure that my hair
intentionally looked messy, rather than unintentionally, as if I'd just
gotten out of the shower.  "OK.  Let's go down and meet this girl that
hooked my brother," I said after making sure my hair looked just right.
Together we went downstairs to the sound my mother and aunt singing some
song from their childhood in the kitchen.

	"My God! You guys are going to scare my girlfriend away!" Danny said as we
entered the kitchen.  It was a fun sight to find Matilda singing and dancing
with our mother and aunt.  She was fitting in with the craziness very well.
She walked over to Danny as they sang their own crazy rendition of "My Guy."
  She put her arms around Danny's waist and kissed him on the lips as Mom
and Freda sang backup for her.

	"Isn't it sweet, Suse," Freda said as they watched Danny and Matilda kiss
one another.

	"It is.  I remember when Daniel and I were like that," Mom said, stopping
for a second to remember Dad.  She quickly went to do something else to get
ready for the party.  Freda noticed and followed her, even though my mother
needed no help in making the world's best potato salad ever.  Danny and
Matilda were completely oblivious.  I thought about how Mom must be a strong
woman.  I thought about her strength and wondered if I could make it my own.
  After all, she'd done an amazing job at dealing with the loss of the only
man she's ever loved, to my knowledge.

	"So.  I'm Jake," I said, introducing myself to my brother's girlfriend.

	"Jake!  I feel like I should have known you for years," she said, jumping
on me and giving me a hug, as if we had, in fact, known each other for a
long time.

	"I know it!" I said, recalling what my brother had been weary of telling me
when he first met her.  He was exactly as he'd described the girl.  She was
tall, with dark hair and radiant dark eyes.  She had a gorgeous smile.  Let
us also say at this point that Danny is an ass man.  Her ass was, in his
words, `perfectly shaped for fun.'

	Jane and Jean-Marc were the next to arrive, bringing their precious baby
boy with them.  Attention immediately turned to the baby.  We were like a
horde moving toward the small piece of flesh and bones.  We were like
vultures hovering over the carcass of a dead animal or something.  Mom won
out in the battle, though, walking around pridefully with her first
grandchild.  Pete and Tom followed, with a bottle of wine.  I don't know any
gay couple that shows up to a party or function without a bottle of wine.
It was almost as if it were their baby.  Everyone helped out in the kitchen
as we readied the arrival of other guests and visitors.  Pedro, one of Mom's
coworkers, and his `husband' David were the next to come.  Pedro and Mom had
always had a very mother/son relationship at work, and it carried over into
their personal lives as well, though neither of them and I had ever had a
chance to hang out very much.  They brought another guest along as well,
Pedro's grandmother, who insisted that we all call her Abu.  She reminded me
of Nani so much.  She looked like Nani; she talked like Nani; she smiled
like Nani.  The only difference was that she was Mexican, whereas,
obviously, Nani was Cuban.  The sheer sight of her made me miss Tony again.
God, what was I to do with the emotions and memories that were swelling in
my head?  As the day progressed, though, I got better.  Seeing and being
around people that I cared about that cared about me brightened not only my
mood, but my mother's as well.  I realized then why she insisted on having
large family functions at her house.

	Danny and I were put in charge of the grill.  Given that straight men have
some type of genetic code that gives them the ability to fully function
grilling machines from birth, I let Danny have control of most of the
operation.  He put on a silly chef's hat and an apron that said `Kiss the
Cook.'  (By the way, Matilda took every chance she got to do just that.  It
really was sweet, and it did my heart good to see that Danny had met a girl
that seemed to be worth his time.)  Around one, the barbecue was ready and
the whole group, which had grown to more than 40 people, most of whom I
didn't know was ready to engorge themselves on my mother's labor.

	As the group assembled in the dining room, kitchen, and various other rooms
in the house, Danny, Matilda, Jane, Jean-Marc, Tom, Pete, and I gathered on
the back porch.  It was a warm, wonderful day outside, with bright blue
skies.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.  There was a lot of
laughing and carrying on as we sat around the patio.  From my perspective,
there were happy couples among whom I was welcome.  There was a feeling,
though, that I was a third wheel with each of them, though.  I was someone
who, for lack of better phrasing, was simply there.

	"Jake?" Mom said as she walked out the door.  "You have a phone call," she
said, blankly, looking at me.

	"OK," I said, putting my plate on the glass table and standing from the
porch swing that I was sitting on.  I followed her into the house and
grabbed the cordless phone, pressing the talk button as I walked toward my
room.  "Hello?" I asked.

	"Happy Canada Day," Tony said, without a great deal of enthusiasm.

	"Happy Early Birthday," I said, sweetly.

	"How are you doing?"

	"I'm OK," I answered.  "How are you?"

	"I'm OK, as well," he said.

	"Good.  I'm glad to hear that," I said.  The statement was followed by a
brief silence.  There was no explanation for it, other than the fact that we
both wanted to say something, but we couldn't...or wouldn't.

	"So big plans for today?" he asked.

	"Just the usual.  Barbecue and fireworks later.  What about you?  Big plans
for your birthday?"

	"Yeah.  I'm going out with a friend," he said, very cryptically.

	"Ahh...Hot date?" I asked, half in tones ranging from joking to
seriousness.

	"Well..." he started.  "He's just a friend."

	"You can tell me if it's a date, Tony."

	He was silent for a second.  "Yeah.  It's a date."

	"Ah...What's his name?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation at a very
base level.

	"Tommy."

	"Is he a good guy?"

	"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked defensively.

	"I'm just wondering if he's a nice guy."

	"It sounds like you're asking if he's like you."

	"No.  I promise, that's not it."

	"Jake.  It's been over a month, and the only conversations we've had have
been courteous more than anything.  It's obvious that there is no chance of
us getting back together, and I'm trying to just move on.  There was a point
when I loved you more than life itself, and then I fucked it up.  Yes, I
know that I fucked it up, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but
please...PLEASE...don't patronize me by asking about the guy that I'm going
out with."

	"Fine.  I won't anymore."

	"How very passive-aggressive of you."

	"TONY!  I was trying to be nice and friendly.  That's it.  You should know
me better than that.  I know it's been a long time, and I know that the
likelihood of us getting back together and it working are slim to none.  I'm
just trying to be friendly.  OK?"

	"Whatever, Jake," he said, belligerently.

	"Why the hell are you talking to me this way?"

	"Because you're being a little bitch."  I was angry, needless to say.
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

	"Did you call me just to rub it in my face that you're going out on a
date?"  There was no response.  "If you want me to be a little bitch, then
fine.  I'll be a little bitch.  Now, the question wasn't rhetorical.  Did
you call me just to tell me that you've been able to move past what we had?
Well, I haven't.  Everything I fucking do reminds me of you.  I was crying
in the shower this morning thinking about you and your dick in that little
faggot's ass.  How does that fucking make you feel?"

	"Jake.  I've got to go."

	"Yeah.  Go get ready for your fucking date.  I hope you enjoy it.  I hope
he fucks you really good!"  I said, pressing the off button before he had a
chance to respond.  My blood rushed, hot, to all parts of my body.  My heart
pumped.  My cell phone rang in a moment.  "What?" I said, after realizing it
was Tony.  "I thought you had to go."

	"Not until I say this.  I was more in love with you than you will EVER
know.  I never meant to hurt you, but you will NOT make me feel guilty about
it for the rest of my fucking life.  I'm moving on.  I would strongly
suggest that you do the same."  It was his turn to hang up the phone before
I had a chance to respond.  I was not going to play his little cat-and-mouse
game, though.  I closed the phone and began pacing around my room.

	My hands shook as I opened the phone.  I dialed a number and let it ring
twice.  "You don't have to call me.  I'm still right downstairs," Danny said
as he answered the phone.

	"Will you come up here?" I said, my whole body shaking from anger.

	"Are you OK?"

	"Not really," I answered honestly.

	"On my way," he said, hanging up the phone.  In a moment, I heard his heavy
steps climbing the stairs.  He slowly opened the door to my room and came
in.  "Oh shit.  I take it the conversation didn't go well."

	"He called me to tell me that HE'S moved on and that HE has a date tomorrow
night on his birthday.  When I asked about the guy, he called ME a bitch," I
explained.

	"I will beat that motherfucker to the ground," Danny said as he started
pacing with me.  "Why is he doing this to you?"

	"I have no idea," I answered, stopping and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"God!  Why does he have to make me feel like this, like I'm the one who
deserves to be punished in life for something HE did?"  I walked over to
Danny and looked him squarely in the eyes.  "I hate him," I said.  Danny put
his hands squarely on my shoulders.  My hands balled into a fist.  Lifting
my arms at the elbow, I placed my fists firmly on the strong, hard muscles
of his chest.  "I hate him.  I hate him," my voice rose as I replayed the
conversation in my mind.  "I HATE HIM!" I screamed as I began to pound
Danny's chest.  "I HATE HIM!  I HATE HIM!  I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!!!!"  I
started to cry as I continued to pound my brother's chest.  "I HATE HIM!!!"
I screamed one more time before falling into Danny's chest, as I'd done so
many times.  I was sure that he was growing tired of my childish behavior.
"I love him," I whispered.

	"It's OK, big brother...Don't worry...Danny-boy's here," he said, rubbing
my back as I cried more and more, harder and harder.  "Shhh...It's alright,"
he said.

	"Danny?  Jake?" Mom said, coming into the room.

	"Mom.  Everything's OK," Danny insisted.  Mom lingered for a moment, but
then turned and walked back out of the room.  "Why don't you come to my
house tonight?  What do you say?"  I stalled in my response.  "I'll get you
a stripper.  A hot, muscular guy with a tight ass and a HUGE dick."

	I chuckled.  "Thank you, brother.  I would love to come over, but the
stripper's not necessary."  I pulled away from my brother and looked into
his eyes.  "Sorry about that," I said as I pulled away completely, out of
his embrace and walked into the bathroom to wash my face.

	"Don't worry about, Jake.  You're my brother.  If you can't be yourself
around me, where can you?"

	"True.  I just wish I could get over it as easily as he has."

	"Everybody deals with things in their own way and in their own time," he
said, sagely.

	We went back downstairs after a few minutes.  I was not in a happy place,
but taking from my mother's example earlier, I put on a happy face and let
that false energy guide me through the rest of the day.  Some of the guests
left before dark, some stayed.  Pedro and David, along with Abu, remained
with the family as we did fireworks in the front of the driveway.  Danny
ended up being the ring leader, with him and Pedro lighting most of the
fireworks while we stayed close to the house and watched, talking about
random things.

	"Jake?" David said as he walked up to me.

	"So how do you like UT?" I asked.

	"It's wonderful.  I've never had as much fun in school," he answered
honestly.

	"Good.  Is Dr. Marshall still there teaching linguistics?"

	"Oh yeah.  He's my advisor, actually."

	"What is he know, like 250 years old?" I asked jokingly.

	"Somewhere close to that!" David said, garnering a chuckle.  "Listen.  I
heard what happened between you and Tony.  I'm so sorry," he said, politely
and in his Southern accent.  "When my Josh was killed, I felt like I was
going to die myself.  I know it's not the same, but just know that I'm here
for you, if you need somebody completely objective to talk to."

	"I appreciate that, David," I said.

	"And if you decide that you're ready to date again, I have this friend
named Christopher.  He's cute and single!" David joked.

	I smiled.  "Thank you.  I'm think, though, that it would be best for me to
be alone for a while."

	"Well, just let me know," he said.  For some reason, I felt the need to
turn and hug him.  He was a nice guy, and so deserved his partner.  They
seemed to compliment each other perfectly.  It was sweet to see that at
least one couple could be happy and content with one another.

	For a bit, we stood outside as the fireworks went off.  As the sun set over
my mother's house, there was an air of calmness and contentment.  I lost
myself for a moment in the peace of it all.  Things seemed to clear for me
as the sun went on its way to other parts of the world.  I remember smiling
on my own for the first time in a while.

	"So Jake.  Are you ready to go?" Danny asked.

	"Sure," I said, "just let me get some clothes together."

	"Alright," my brother said as he walked into the house to get his
girlfriend and tell everyone good-bye.

	I hugged Mom myself as I walked into the kitchen to let Danny and Matilda
know that I was ready to go.  Pedro, Dave, and Abu were also leaving as we
were.  My Mom and Freda were left with Pete, Tom, Jane, Jean-Marc and the
baby, the precious baby.  Danny drove us back to his apartment.  It had
become a place with which I had become entirely accustomed.  He'd jokingly
referred to the "white room" as "my room," rather than the room he'd
prepared for guests.

	Danny fixed some tea for the three of us and came brought them into the
living room as Matilda and I sat there talking about random things.
"So...Jake, Matilda wants to go to a gay bar tonight.  We need a DD.  You up
for it?"

	"I thought you said that you couldn't take me out."

	"Well, I'm taking Matilda out, and you know that I'm going to drink.  We
need a DD," he said, winking at me.

	"Why do I get the feeling you have something up your sleeve, Danny?"

	"I dunno, Jakey," Danny said.

	"Alright.  I guess I can do the DD thing one night, since I so seldom
actually do it."

	"Thanks, Jakey!" Danny said, running and hugging me like a little kid.

	A bit later, we were off to the bar.  Of course, we were going to JT's.  We
always went to JT's.  Dave was practically a member of our family; Tom, as a
better example, was.  As usual, it was filled with people who were happily
congregating with groups of friends and acquaintances.

	"I thought he wasn't going to be able to come for a while!" Dave said as he
saw the three of us walking toward the bar.

	"He's the DD tonight.  No drink for Jake!" he said in a fake Asian accent.

	"OH!  Well thank for telling me about that, cause I was so about to fix him
the usual," Dave said.

	"Mom and Danny think I'm drinking too much," I said as I leaned up against
the bar next to Danny and Matilda.

	"Jake.  I've seen you drink more in the last month than your brother has
drank in the whole time he's been coming here," Dave said.  "And that's not
a small feat, by any means."  Dave handed me a large cup known whose style
was known around the bar as "the DD cup."  That was a way the bar used to
let the bartenders know who was and wasn't driving home that night.

	"I know.  As much as I want to right now, I'm not.  I just need to think
about things."

	"Ahh...He's started dating again, hasn't he?" Dave asked.  I looked at my
brother, who shrugged his shoulders.

	"How did you know that?"

	"I can see it in your eyes," he said as he fixed a drink for another patron
that had walked up.  "You know.  I always thought he was a decent guy, but
then finding that out about him, what he did...Let's just say that Tom knows
what to do if he tries to show his face in this bar."

	"Nah.  Don't worry about him.  I don't think he'll come to Toronto anyway."

	"Well.  Maybe the Mounties will catch him at the border or something."

	"You know.  If you'd asked me last week," I said as Dave continued to work,
"I would have probably wished him the worst.  Now, though, I really don't
care."

	"Well.  That's a good thing.  You're gonna meet the guy for you one day,
Jake.  Don't worry about it."

	"Thanks," I said, looking at Danny and Matilda as they chatted away.  There
were a couple of groups of people watching the two of them.  Most of them
probably wished they could be as happy as the token straight guy and his
girl.  Hell, I wished that for just a second, before realizing that I might
as well make the most of the situation that I found myself in.

	"DAVE!" Danny said.  "We need to find Jake a rebound!"

	"HOW many drinks have you had, Danny?" I asked.

	"Just one, bro."

	"I don't need a rebound," I said, sipping my coke for a second.

	"Listen.  That stupid fucker is going out on a date.  Why the hell
shouldn't you find somebody to just fuck and get him out of your system?"

	"I don't know," I said.

	"What about him?" Danny said, pointing to a guy in a pink shirt.

	"Not my type."

	"Why not?  Not Tony?" he asked.

	"Pretty much."

	"Jake.  If he's not going to give a rat's ass about your feelings and your
love, then why should you stay hung up on him."

	"I don't know, Danny."

	"I could always hook you up with my cousin," Matilda interjected.  "He
could use a good boyfriend."

	"Thanks, Matilda.  You're very nice.  I can see what my brother sees in
you," I said as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

	We talked for another second.  I noticed Danny looked over my shoulder
once, but then turned his attention back to me and Matilda.

	"Guess who," Joey said as he placed his hands over my eyes, in a sexy
voice.

	"Umm...Ben Mulroney?"

	"WHAT?!?!" Joey asked, holding his hands over my eyes, still.

	"Umm...let's see...is it Joey?"

	"DING DING DING!" he said, letting his hands move from my eyes.

	"Hey gorgeous!" I said as I turned and gave him a hug.

	"Have a good Canada Day?" he asked.

	"Yep.  I have had a really, really good one!" I said, flashing a sarcastic
smile at him.

	"That good, eh?"

	"Oh yeah!"

	"I talked to Tony this morning."

	"Yay!" he said, sarcastically.  "What was he talking about?"

	"Well.  Tomorrow is his birthday, and he's got a date."

	"Asshole."

	"Damn right," Danny said, interrupting our conversation.

	"And Danny's been trying to find me a rebound tonight."

	"AHHH!  What about him?" Joey said, pointing to a quite attractive guy with
a very skinny frame in a blue polo shirt.  "He's kinda hot."

	"He is very cute.  Why don't you go after him?" I asked.  Danny and Matilda
had turned their attention to each other for a few minutes.

	"Ahh...well...There's somebody else I wish would give me the time of day,
but I'm not sure if he ever would."

	"He might," I said, garnering a look from him.  "Once he realizes how great
of a guy you are, you'd have him hooked, Joey."

	"Who knows?" he said.

	Having Joey there helped the night pass more quickly.  Being around him
always made an odd situation better, though.  He had a certain calming
effect about him.

	We turned back toward the bar in a moment, but continued talking about
random things.  "Guys," a voice came from behind us, "I'm sorry for
disturbing you guys."  Joey and I turned to face him as he continued, "I
just wanted to say that both of you are really hot.  You guys make a really
cute couple."

	"Thanks, dude," Joey answered.  "We're not together, though."

	"Yeah.  We're just really good friends."

	"Really?" the cute kid said, relaxing a little bit.  "So I'm Ray," he said,
extending his hand to Joey and then to me.

	"I'm Joey, and this is Jake.  He's on the rebound!"

	"JOEY!"

	"I'm sorry, dude," Ray said.  "Fucker doesn't know what he's missing, I
assure you," he said, looking me over, from top to bottom and then winking
at me.

	"Thank you for saying that," I said.  "Can I buy you a drink to show my
gratitude?" I said, and laughed.

	"Sure.  If you want."

	"DAVE!  Will you get this guy a drink, and put it on my tab?"

	"Sure thing," he said, fixing the guy what he'd been drinking for the
evening.

	"Thanks, guy," Ray said.

	"So tell us about you," Joey said, giving me a quick glance.

	"What would you like to know?"

	"Are you from Toronto?"

	"I am, born and raised.  What about you guys?"

	"We are both from here, as well."

	"Very nice.  I'm a student, too, at York."

	"I went to UT," I answered, "and then went on to get my Masters at Auburn,
in the US."

	"Wow.  That is amazing.  How old are you?"

	"Old enough to be...your big brother, I'm sure."  After a short laugh, I
answered, "I'm 28."

	"Really?  You so look younger than that," he said, with a slight queeny
flair.  "What about you?" he asked Joey.

	"I'm 29.  I'll be 30 next year."

	"An amazingly hot older man!"  Joey chuckled at Ray's joke.

	"What about you?"

	"I'm 20, and horny as hell."  Joey looked directly at me.

	"Most 20-year-olds are horny as hell," Joey said.  "Hell, I'm almost 30 and
masturbate like I did when I was 16."

	Ray laughed at the comment, lightly placing his hand on Joey's chest.  Joey
looked at me and smiled.  "Are you sure the two of you aren't together?  You
keep looking at each other like you are?"  He looked between us.  "Oh God!
Did I interrupt you guys hooking up?"

	"Oh no!" Joey and I both said.

	"We've just been friends for a VERY long time," I explained.

	"Oh.  OK," he said.

	"We're not the kind of guys that would lie about something like that," Joey
said.  "We've both been shit on too many times by too many people."

	"Oh.  I'm sorry to hear that, guys.  How could anyone treat you guys like
that?"  Both of us shrugged our shoulders.  "So Jake, since you're on the
rebound?"

	"I really hate that word."

	"I'm so sorry, Jake.  If you'd like I can try to make you feel better," he
said, rubbing his hand on my chest.  Joey looked at me and winked.

	"What did you have in mind?" I asked without thinking.  He put his hand on
my crotch and rubbed it around a little bit.  "I see..."

	"What do you say?  I don't live close by, but my car is just around the
block," he said.  He turned to face Joey, "You can come, too."

	"Nah.  I'm going to stay in here and chill with Jake's brother, Danny, and
his girlfriend for a few minutes.  Take Jake, though; he needs it."  Joey
looked at me, smiled widely, and winked.  "I'll see you in a bit, Jake," he
said, grabbing his drink and walking over to Danny.  It was just me and Ray
standing there.  What was I to do?  Did I take this really cute kid's offer
of a free, no-strings attached blow job?  I'd never been one for
one-hit-wonders, why should or would I start now?  He grabbed my penis again
and rubbed.  It did feel good to have the attention of somebody else, and I
was now, thanks to him, very horny.

	"So you want to?" Ray asked.

	"Sure, but I have to ask you a question first?"

	"I don't have any diseases.  I'm always safe."

	"That was going to be my second question, so thank you.  I was going to ask
if you were single."

	"Yes.  Why would it matter, though, if I were attached to someone?"

	"Because I've been in situations in the past where people have cheated on
me, and I don't want to be `the other guy' as it were."

	"Makes sense.  If I were in a relationship, though, I wouldn't have offered
in the first place."

	"Keep that way of thinking, it will serve you well in the future."

	"So let's go," he said, winking his very cute brown eyes at me.

	"Alright," I said, letting him take my hand and leading me out of the bar.
No doubt Joey had told Danny where I was going and what I was doing.  I felt
a little odd about the whole situation, but I didn't let it stop me.  We
walked out of the bar, where Tom looked at me oddly.  I gave him a wink.  He
smiled as Ray led me to the parking lot on the side of the building where
he'd parked his car.  He unlocked the door of the red Mercedes and opened
the back door for me.  I got into the car and slid over, so that he could
get in.

	The light inside the car shut off as he shut the door.  He wasted no time
in putting his hand back on my growing penis.  "So now it's my turn to ask a
question?"

	"Yeah."

	"Are you clean?"

	"Totally.  I was tested for everything in March.  All tests were fine."

	"Good."

	"Why?"

	"Because I like the taste of cum.  Especially if that cum comes from the
dick of a really, REALLY hot guy like you."

	"You think I'm hot?"

	"Very.  Your friend, Joey, is hot, too.  When I saw the two of you, I knew
I wanted one in one end and the other in the other, but having one of you is
better than neither of you."

	"OK," I said, chuckling a little at his reasoning.

	The chuckling was stopped by his lips planting themselves firmly over time.
  His breath reeked of liquor, but his lips were soft and very kissable.
For someone so young, he'd obviously had practice at the art of kissing.
Skillfully, he undid the button of the shorts I was wearing and pulled down
the zipper, all without moving his lips from mine.  He stuck his hands into
my boxers and began to rub my penis with his cold hand.  It felt so good not
to be doing this myself.  Something about another person touching my penis
felt better than me touching my penis.  Perhaps I knew its veins and nerves
and sensitive places too well.  Through the slit of my white cotton boxers
he pulled my nearly engorged penis out of my pants.

	"MY FUCKING GOD!"

	"What?" I said, frightened by his tone a little bit.

	"I have never seen a penis THAT big before."

	"Oh.  I thought it had been deformed or something from my constant
masturbation."

	"Oh no.  It definitely has not," he said, putting his lips on the head for
the first time.

	My head shot back onto the seat rest as he went down as far as he could.
"Oh fuckin' A!"  He didn't stop deep-throating me, choosing to continue to
suck my dick.  "I may not last long," I said.

	"It's OK.  I have to be at home at midnight, so I don't have long anyway,"
he said, coming off for a second to catch his breath.  Like a professional,
he went back onto my penis with a fury, bobbing his head up and down.  I ran
my hand through his silky black hair as he feverishly moved his head on my
penis, taking every few strokes to suck and lick the head for a second.  It
was one of the best blow jobs I'd ever had in my life, coming from a kid who
didn't even know what a blow job was the first time I jacked off.

	"I'm gonna cum," I stated as calmly as I could after a few more minutes of
these sensations of both pleasure and pain.  I felt my toes begin to curl
inside my shoes and every muscle from my neck to my feet beginning to
tighten.  I held back as long as I could, but the resistance was futile.  I
began blowing load after load of hot gooey cum into Ray's mouth.  With the
exception of a few drops that slipped unexpectedly out of his mouth, he
swallowed every drop.  As my penis began to soften under the release of so
much tension, he politely put it back in my shorts, pulled up the zipper and
buttoned my pants, as if nothing had happened between us.  He sat back up
after he finished, taking a second to wipe the excess cum off his face and
licking it from his finger.

	"You taste really good, Jake."

	"Thank you, Ray."

	"Maybe I'll see you around some time."

	"Who knows?  I'm here a lot more often than I intend to be."

	"Cool.  I'll let you get back in to your friend, then, and I will be off."

	"Alright.  Thank you, Ray."

	"For the mind blowing blowjob?"

	"That and for telling me I'm hot."

	"I don't do ugly people, honey.  I have standards," he said before cracking
a smile.

	"You're really funny.  You're gonna make some guy really happy one day."

	"Cool."

	"Alright.  I'll be off," I announced, opening the back door of the car on
one side as he pulled himself out of the other side."

	"It was nice meeting you.  See you around," he said as he opened the front
door and sat inside.  We waved at each other once more as I turned the
corner to head back toward the bar.  I must have been smiling widely, or
something, as Tom looked at me oddly, but with a happy glance in his eyes.

	"I've never fancied you the man for a quick blow in a parking lot, Jake?"
Tom said.

	"Nor have I."

	"Was he at least worth it?"

	"Yes.  He was.  That boy can work it really, REALLY well."

	"Nice.  You look better."

	"I don't feel better, just relaxed."

	"Relaxed is better than nothing, though," he said, sagely.

	"True, I guess."  I walked toward the door, "I better get back into here
before people start to wonder."

	"Alright man.  See you in a bit."

	"JAKE!!!!" Danny, Jake, Dave, and Matilda said as I came back in.  It was
loud enough to silence the bar, but most of the conversations resumed
quickly when they realized that Danny was the ring leader of all the
commotion.

	"So did you have fun?" Danny asked, as Joey and Matilda snickered a little.

	"It was OK," I said, having come to realize what I'd done.  I'd compromised
something about myself for a quick nut.

	"Just OK?  You look a lot less stressed," Danny said with the concurrence
of Matilda and Joey.

	"I mean...it's nice to get off from time to time, but I'd much rather have
somebody that I care for, ya know."

	"But you're a guy, Jake," Danny pointed out.  "Guys have needs that have to
be fulfilled sometimes."

	"How much has he had to drink?" I asked Matilda and Joey about my brother's
strange behavior.

	"Enough to know that I have my best girl, my best brother, and my best
Joey, and that I don't need anything else in the world."

	"Too many!" Matilda and I said in tandem.

	"Probably so," Danny said as he tried to walk toward me, and half falling
in the process.

	"I think it's time we went home, Danny," I said, grabbing my brother.

	"I think we need to go to North Carolina," Danny said, holding a finger up
in the air.

	"Why?" Matilda asked.

	"Because I'm going to beat Antonio Cisneros into the fucking ground.  Who's
with me?"

	"Danny.  We're going home!" I said.

	"We're not going to North Carolina?"

	"Not tonight."

	"Damn it.  I want to beat the fag's ass," Danny said.  Dave looked up from
what he was doing and walked over to us.

	"Danny!" he said.  "You know how I feel about that word!"

	"I'm sorry, Dave.  It's just that Jake just got some really good head.
Look at his face.  You can tell he got his dick sucked REALLY good."

	"I see," he said, glancing over at me.

	"EVERYBODY!" Danny said, getting the bar's attention.  "I'm sorry for
dropping the F-Bomb.  It's just that Jake's ex really has fucked him over,
and not in the good way.  I hope you guys won't hold it against me.  I just
really want to beat his ass."  Danny made a fist, punching it into his
opposite hand.

	"I'll hold something else against you!" a faceless voice said from the
corner.

	"I'm sorry dude.  I have a tattoo that says `exit only' back there."  He
held up his hands as if there were nothing he could do about it.  There was
a little bit of laughter.

	"Jake," Dave called.  "I have never seen him this drunk."

	"Neither have I."

	"At least he's a happy drunk.  You think I could get him back for saying
the `f-word' by asking him to show it to me?"

	"I think if you're ever gonna see it, now would be the time," I joked.
Joey and Matilda concurred.

	"Do you have a Polaroid camera?" Matilda asked.

	"Actually, I do.  Let me run grab it."  He ran from behind the bar to the
office, coming back quickly with it ready to go.  "Daniel!"

	"That's my name!" my brother pronounced.  "Dave!  I love you!"

	"I love you, too, Danny.  Now as payback for the `f-bomb,' as you call it,
I get to take a picture of your ittle bitty wee wee."

	"There's nothing little about it, mother fucker," he said unbuttoning his
pants and pulling them down enough for Dave to see his pubes.

	"All the way, Daniel," Dave instructed as Danny pushed them down to his
knees.  Dave looked wide eyes at my brother's penis for a few seconds.  "My
God!  I have died and gone to hell, knowing there's a dick that big out
there and not being able to touch it with my parched lips," Dave declared,
much in the fashion of a Southern diva.  He snapped a quick picture of it
and put it on the bar.

	"Take some more, if you want.  OOH!  Don't forget the tattoo," he said,
pulling up the edge of his shirt.  There was a black star at the top of his
pubes.

	"When did you get that?" I asked, pointing to the tattoo.

	"This?" he said, taking his penis in his hands and shaking it a little bit.
  "Oh.  I've had this ittle bitty wee wee for a LONG time, brother."
Despite his attempt, it wasn't going to be in anything but a flaccid state
for the night.  Dave snapped three more pictures before Danny turned around.

	"I was talking about the tattoo," I said.  Dave took a couple of pictures
of his ass as Danny let his dick hang flaccid for the whole bar to see.  Tom
walked in to see what was going on.

	"I've had that for a few months.  DON'T TELL MOM!"

	"OK, Danny.  I won't say a word."

	"If you do, I'll tell her about your random blow job in the parking lot."

	"DANIEL!" Tom said as he walked over to us, leaving the door unattended.
"Do you realize that your pants are down."

	"Yeah.  Dave is taking some pictures to jack off to tonight," Danny stated,
calmly as if he were fully clothed.

	"You're almost as big as Pete!" Tom declared as he looked down at it.
Danny chuckled.

	"OOH! Dave.  Get a couple of my nutsack, too," Danny said, holding his
penis up so that Dave could get a couple of shots of his HUGE balls as they
dangled beneath his sculpted torso.

	"OK, Danny.  I'm gonna have to close the bar early unless you pull up your
pants right now!" Dave declared.

	"Alright," Danny said, reaching down to pull up his pants.  Had Tom not
been right there beside him, my brother would have fallen over, taking at
least two tables with him.  "Thanks man," Danny said as he pulled his pants
all the way up.  "I think it's time for me to go home," Danny said, looking
between me and his girlfriend.

	"Alright, baby.  I'm gonna take you home."

	"Will you snuggle with me, baby?"

	"Yes.  As long as you don't puke on me, you're fine."

	"I won't puke on you.  It might mess up your beautiful face."

	"You're not getting any, though."

	"I don't care.  As long as I'm next to you, that's all that matters," he
said sweetly, puckering his lips.  She reached up and pecked his lips back.

	"Joey.  I'm gonna need both of your help to get him home, if you don't
mind."

	"No.  I've got to go right by there anyway," Joey declared.

	"Cool.  Thanks," Matilda said and Danny smiled like he'd done something
wrong.  Tom helped me get Danny back to Danny's jeep.  Matilda climbed into
the back seat, pulling the seat back to its regular position so that Danny
could be placed in the front seat.  I climbed in after thanking Tom, and
started the car.  Within just a moment, we were on our way back to Danny's
house.

	"Jake.  I love you, bro."

	"I love you, too, Danny."

	"You know.  I really would kick Tony's ass for you, if you told me that you
wanted me to."

	"I don't doubt it, Danny.  We're just going to leave him where he is,
though.  He'll get what's coming to him, without any interference from me."

	With a few quick turns of the wheel, we were back at Danny's apartment
building.  Ralph, the doorman that had been hired for nights, let us in the
door, since Danny didn't know where his key was to let us in the front door.
  With his arms wrapped around both Joey's shoulder and mine, Danny guided
us to the elevator, as if we'd never been there before.  The funny part
began when we got into the elevator.  Danny rested himself on the back wall
as the door shut.

	"Oh Canadá!  La nuestra tierra.  Amor patriótico, en todos tus hijos!" he
sang, perfectly in tune with the national anthem, only in Spanish.  The
laughter surely would have woken the neighbors had it not been for Danny
forgetting the words after that part.  It was going to be so much fun to
remind him of all of this in the morning.  Joey and I helped him walk into
his apartment and directly to the bedroom.  He sat down on the bed, but not
before completely taking his pants off, boxers and all.  He tried to take
his skin tight t-shirt off, but found himself caught in a web it had tangled
around him.  Joey and I managed to get off of him, though, as Matilda
pointed and laughed at Danny.  "Get over here, woman," he said in Mr. T.
voice.

	"Yes sir, big papa."

	"Big is right, baby," he said, completely oblivious to our presence in the
room.  We slipped out quickly, though, shutting the door behind us.  There
was a bit of giggling from Matilda that was quickly followed by a "shhh..."
from Danny's mouth.  Joey and I giggled.

	"You want to walk me down?" Joey asked.

	"Sure," I said, walking toward the door.  "You know, you could stay the
night if you wanted to."

	"I'm gonna head home.  I've got to open the gym early in the morning.  I
have a client that couldn't come by any later than 6:30."

	"Ouch," I said, checking to make sure I had my key before shutting the door
to Danny's apartment.

	"I had a lot of fun, tonight, just chillin' and hanging out with you,
Jake."

	"I did, too, Joey.  I'm glad you came out."  As we got onto the elevator,
he wrapped his arms in mind.  "I'm sorry about the whole leaving you for
head, thing."

	"Jake.  Don't even worry about that.  To be honest, if you hadn't been
there, I would have gone out with him.  He was cute."

	"Yeah."

	"Did he do a good job?"

	"Yep.  He swallowed every drop."

	"Damn.  Maybe I'll be there the next time he comes in."

	"Who knows?  I doubt he could handle you, though.  You're a lot bigger than
me."

	"Not as big as Danny, though."

	"I've never given my brother head, but I would venture to say that he's
more of a shower.  Unlike you, who's a grower AND a shower, Mr. Man."

	Joey laughed.  "Whatever," he joked, turning his head to smile at me as he
chuckled.

	We walked out the door and to his truck, which was parked almost in front
of the building, in a spot reserved for guests.  "So I guess this is
goodnight?" he said, turning to me as I stayed on the sidewalk.

	"I guess."

	"I did have a really good time seeing you tonight."

	"I did, too, Joey."  He came over to the curb where I was standing and
kissed me on the cheek.

	"Good night, Jacob Henry."

	"Good night, Joseph Messina."  I said, waving to him as he climbed into his
truck.  I waited a second as he pulled off.  He waved as he pulled his truck
into the street and headed off toward his house.  Something made me stand
there until his truck turned out of sight.  As I went back into the door of
my brother's building, I thought about how thankful I was to have a friend
like him.  He was nice, strong, both physically and of character.  He was a
good guy, a very good guy.

	When I got back to the apartment, I tried to sneak in quietly.  I looked
around the living room for a second, making sure that it was at least neat
for when Danny got up in the morning.  I guess Mom had started to rub off on
me a little bit.  As I stood up, I noticed that Matilda was on the patio,
letting the breeze blow through her long dark hair.  I heated some water and
made us each a cup of tea.  She seemed so content as she stood there,
looking out over the city.  It was a place I'd found myself a few times in
the past, so I knew from experience that the feeling of the city at night
was an amazing thing.

	"Hello there," I said as I quietly went out to the porch, carrying two mugs
of tea in one hand and skillfully not spilling either of them.

	"Hey Jake," she said, turning and smiling at me, but not moving from the
spot that she occupied.

	"We didn't bother you as we were leaving, did we?"

	"Oh no.  Danny can drink heavily, but he can also pass out quite easily,"
she said.  "He's so cute, though."

	"He's a great guy to know."

	"I know," she said, turning away from me and looking out over the city.

	"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked.

	"Jake.  I know he's your brother, but I'm kinda waiting on the other shoe
to drop, so to speak.  He's an amazing man, with a heart of gold, but I'm
afraid that if I get to close, my heart is going to get broken."

	"Ahh...Something I understand," I said, trying to lighten the situation.

	"When I lost my parents last year, I looked for comfort in a lot of guys.
Some of them were nice; some of them were just in it for the sex.  In the
end, though, none of them were there for me.  Needless to say, I got my
heart broken a few times."  She still didn't look at me, but sweetly
continued to speak.  "I'm almost afraid to get close to him."

	"I know that I'm probably not the best to give advice like this, and if you
don't take it, I won't be upset.  The thing is, you never know what's going
to happen.  You have to take a leap of faith sometimes and let yourself love
someone unconditionally.  Sometimes, as in the cases with me, things don't
work out perfectly, but I don't regret letting myself love either of them."

	"That makes sense."

	"And Danny is a great kid.  He's had some rough spots, but I wouldn't want
to have anyone else as my brother."

	"He talks about you all the time.  I think he wants to be just like you."

	"What can I say?  I've impressed the boy."  Matilda laughed.

	"You and he have similar personalities," she stated.  "Both of your and fun
and loving."

	"Thank you.  I consider it a compliment to be compared to him."

	"So if you were me, what would you do about Danny?"

	"If I were a straight woman and not related to him, I'd jump on that shit,
cause he's a wonderful guy.  And you're a wonderful girl.  You guys work
well together."

	"You know.  There's something else about him.  He hasn't pressured me for
sex.  I mean, we have, but I think it was more because I wanted to."

	"Danny's not the typical straight guy."

	"How true is that?" she asked rhetorically.  "Jake.  I'm sorry about what
happened to you.  I hope that you find a guy like I've found."

	"Tonight I realized that I don't have to have a guy to be happy.  Just
being around Joey and Danny, and my friend Val, whom you've not met yet,
with the occasional mind-altering blow job, is enough for me, at least right
now."

	Matilda kissed me on the cheek.  "You're a great guy, Jake.  You can tell
that you're a very strong person, and that will mean a lot in the future."

	"Gracias," I said.

	"And you guys are gonna have to teach me Spanish!  Danny speaks it to me
all the time."

	"Cool.  I actually have some books that I bring to you, if you'd like."

	"That would be awesome.  I would so owe you a night as a DD, Jake."

	"Nah.  I'm gonna stop drinking for a bit, but thank you."

	"Alright.  Well, I'm going to go to bed.  Thanks for the advice, Jake."

	"Not a problem," I said, remaining on the porch as she walked in.

	I let myself process the things of the day.  I'd started out end of the
emotional gambit, with a severe feeling of loneliness and solitude.  I
wanted nothing more than a way to escape those feelings, to feel better
about my general surroundings.  As Tony said, there was no obvious chance
for us to get back together.  It hurt, but I had to admit it for myself,
rather than drowning my fears of my own future in a bottle of liquor, as I'd
been doing, for the most part.  Matilda had figured out something by
standing there on the patio, as the night wind was allowing me to process
thoughts that had been running in my head without consistency or clear
definition.  It was nice to just stand there and clear my mind.  It really
was helping to realize the world around.  My mind then wandered to that
amazing blow job from Ray.  I'll probably always remember his name, because
he was truly gifted in his chosen art.  As I thought to myself, I realized
that it was almost as if that blowjob was meant to symbolize a "coming to
terms" with the events in my immediate past, present, and immediate future.
Then it came to me that the whole evening was meant to be a time for me to
learn to enjoy myself and enjoy being single.  During the time between Tony
and Adán, I'd pretty much let myself go into a state of isolation, choosing
to leave and escape as opposed to staying there and facing what I'd been
through with Adán.

	I walked back into the apartment with a smile on my face.  It was a bright,
genuine smile.  At least, that's how I remember it.  I piled myself into the
bed in the monochromatic room, comfortable and ready to dream peacefully
through the balmy Toronto night.  The dreams were not very vivid.  They were
more the flowing of colors through an open space.  I remember waking early
the next morning, though, refreshed.

	Danny was already up when I finally made my way out of the room.  "Morning,
brother," I said, cheerfully.

	"Shut up."

	"Not in a good mood?" I asked as he poured himself a bowl of Fruity
Pebbles.

	"I have a headache from hell.  I feel like I'm going to eat this cereal,
really enjoy it, and then see it again when I puke it back up in an hour or
so."  He wasn't a happy camper.

	"I'm sorry, bro.  I was just joking with you," I said as I walked into the
kitchen and rubbed his back.

	"It's not your fault.  I shouldn't have drank as much as I did," he said,
turning and leaning up against the counter and eating a few bites of the
cereal.  "I have bits and pieces of memories of last night.  Like, I
remember Matty climbing into bed, without a shirt on, and rubbing her
boobies up against me."  He smiled at the thought of this quite voluptuous
girl in the same bed with him.  "But then, what woke me up was this really
bad dream of me, letting Dave take pictures of my penis and ass."  I turned
and pretended like I was trying to find something in the fridge, like some
juice or a Jell-O chocolate pudding pack.  "Oh shit!  I didn't do that, did
I?"

	I turned around with a bottle of orange juice and looked at my brother.
"All I'm going to say is that you have a nice tattoo!"

	"OH FUCK!  I did do it!" he said, placing the bowl on the table.  He seemed
embarrassed.  "Were they at least impressed?" he asked, cracking his famous
smile.

	"Matilda had to fight off the queers.  She was impressive, too."

	"Damn right she's impressive.  That's why I'm the luckiest guy in the big
T.O."  He smiled at the thought of her.  "So when I go back in there, I'm
gonna have deal with everybody looking at me differently?"

	"Pretty much.  There will be more jealousy and envy."

	"Damn, I love going to gay bars!" he joked, picking the bowl back up and
spooning himself some more cereal.  "And I seem to remember this twinky
little brownes-skin boy hanging around with you and Joey."

	"Uh huh."

	"And I remember you leaving the bar for a bit with him."

	"Uh huh," I said, looking toward the floor as I blushed.

	"And I imagine from the smile and blushing that either a) he had really
nice lips or b) a really tight ass."

	"Option A."

	"Ahh...Alright, then."  Danny looked at me and winked.  "Jake.  I know you
don't believe me, but that will probably do you a world of good."

	"I think it helped me refocus my thoughts a bit."

	"Good."

	"Talking with Matilda helped, too."

	"When did you talk to Matilda?"

	"Last night, after you passed out.  She and I had a nice conversation on
the patio," I said.

	"Any advice you can give me?"

	"On..."

	"Women.  I really like her.  She's an amazing girl."

	"What do I know about women?"

	"This is true.  Maybe I should ask Joey."

	"Same difference."

	"Damn.  I just realized that I have no straight guy friends.  I guess I
really am a FAG STAG!" he joked.

	"You always have been, Danny."

	"Works for me.  Gay guys are cool."

	"Some."

	"Well, you and Joey."

	"That's really all that matters."

	Matilda walked into the kitchen, wiping her eyes, and wearing one of
Danny's oversized t-shirts that he wore around the house.  "Morning, boys,"
she said in the middle of a yawn.  "Sleep well?"

	"You know I did, babe," Danny said.

	"I did, as well."

	"Good."  Matilda looked at Danny's bowl and immediately turned on the
puppy-dog eyes.

	"Would you like some Fruity Pebbles.  I bought them in honor of Jake!"  He
winked at me.

	"Yes, please."

	"Jake.  Hand me the homo milk."  He laughed at his own joke.

	"HA HA HA!" I said, handing him the jug of milk.

	"I'm just playing."

	"I need to go shopping," I said.

	"What for?"

	"I'm going to buy you a t-shirt," I said to my brother.

	"Oh really?"

	"Yes.  I'm going to get you two, actually.  One that says `I (heart) gay
guys' and another that says `Ask me about my tattoo'!"

	"Instead of the `I (heart) gay guys' get me one that says `FAGSTAG' in all
block letters, on a black t-shirt."

	"Alright.  I will compromise.  Now give me back the homo milk so that it
doesn't spoil."

	"Here you go," Danny said, handing me the jug as Matilda laughed at the two
of us.

	"Thank you, Daniel."

	"Quite welcome, Jacob."  He and I both broke out in laughter.

	"You guys are amazing," Matilda said.

	"You should see us when Jane is around.  She gets into the middle of it,
too," Danny explained.

	"I always wished I had a sister."

	"Just brothers?" I asked.

	"Nope.  Only child."  The confession made me realize the gravity of her
personal situation.  She was completely alone, except for a few people she'd
met along life's journey.  "And don't look like that.  It took me a while to
come to terms with what happened to the people around me, and I'm in a good
place."

	"Damn right," Danny said, "you're in my apartment with a man that
completely adores you."

	"Why didn't you tell me that Jake felt that way about me before now?!" she
fired back, catching my brother off guard.  I laughed at her joke as she
lifted herself up and kissed Danny on the lips.  He tried to act like he was
offended.  "Aww...Danny.  You know you're the only one that I want to play
Mountie with."

	"And on that note," I said, putting the empty juice bottle in the trash can
beneath the sink, "I think that I'm going to go do some shopping."

	"We're just playing, Jake," Matilda said.

	"Speak for yourself.  I want you to put on that hat and put me in jail,"
Danny said, kissing his girlfriend.

	"Actually, I do have some things that I need to get done today.  Mind is I
use the Jeep for a bit?"

	"Yeah, bro.  Not a problem.  Got your key with you?"

	"Yep.  In my pocket."

	"Alright.  Keep it as long as you need," he said.

	"OK, bro.  Gracias."

	"De nada."

	I took Danny's car a few blocks down the road to the Eaton Center after
dressing and leaving them alone to do whatever it was with RCMP
paraphernalia that they do.  It wasn't long before things started making me
think of Tony.  Even things as simple as the Orange Julius on the first
level made me think about the good times.  As good and relieved as I'd felt
the night before, I found myself wondering about him, about how he was.  It
became painfully clear that my feelings for him were not going to clear
themselves from my conscious after one night of lucidity.

	I quickly went to my favorite t-shirt shop.  They had any shirt imaginable,
but if, for some reason, they didn't have a particular shirt, they could
make it for you.  Before I moved to Auburn, I would come into the story to
just look around.  Sometimes, the shirts themselves could make me laugh
enough to get a few good days of laughter and "the old Jake," as Danny
called the feeling.  I found a shirt for him quickly.  "Fuck the Horse, I'd
rather ride the Mountie," was printed across the front.  The one right
beside it was interesting as well.  I felt that it would be a good one for
Matilda, since it said "Ask me about my boyfriend's penis."  I rummaged
through the other shirts in the store for a few minutes.  I found a couple
for me, and even found one that I thought would be a nice to give Joey as a
surprise, since I found him to be one of two people outside my family that I
could completely rely on.  It said, "If you like these muscles (with arrows
pointing to the arms), then wait till you see this one (with an arrow
pointing toward his goodies)!"  After finding $100 worth of t-shirts, I made
my way to the front of the store.

	"Hey Mr. Henry!" the man said, having come to know my face well.

	"Hi!  How are you?"

	"Good!  Glad to see you in here!" he said as he started to ring up the
shirts.

	"How's business?"

	"It's good," the man said.  "We've been getting a lot of orders for custom
shirts lately."

	"That's always good," I said as he continued to scan.  "How much do you
charge for those?"

	"$12 per shirt for a gross."

	"That's not bad," I said.  "Is it a good quality shirt?"

	"Oh yeah!  We get them from this company called "Russell Athletics," in
America."

	"In Alexander City, actually," I said.

	"How would anyone know that?!" he exclaimed.

	"I have my Masters from Auburn University, about 30 minutes away from
there."

	"Oh!  What is it in?"

	"Spanish."

	"Wow!  Since you're one of my biggest customers, I will keep my ear to the
ground for a job for you, if you'd like."

	"That would be nice.  Thank you," I said as he put the t-shirts into a bag.
  He put the one for Joey into a separate bag for me, so that I could give
it to him without having to fish through the bag.  "And if you'll give me a
couple of days to get some information, I'd like to place an order for some
of those shirts."

	"That would be very nice of you, Mr. Henry."

	"This is my favorite store in the whole mall, so why wouldn't I want to
help keep your store open."

	The man laughed as I grabbed the bags.  "Thanks," he said.  I gave him a
nod and smile as I walked out of the store.  There was nothing like buying
t-shirts to make a boy feel better about things.  Before I got out of the
mall, I spent another $400 dollars on jeans and other clothes products.
Nothing in there had reminded me of Tony and our many trips to Toronto,
nothing, that is, except Orange Julius.  Until he came to Toronto, he'd
never been to an Orange Julius.  He liked it so much that on most of our
trips up, he would ask if we could take a bit and go to Orange Julius.  It
was all very cool, but something about it brought back the flurry of
memories.  I remembered his smile, his laugh, what I thought was his heart
of gold.  But then I remembered that he was going out on a date that night.
He was moving on, why couldn't I?  How was he able to deal with things
better than I had been able to?  I guess it was one of those mysteries that
I wasn't meant to answer.  Either way, I had to get out of the mall.  Not
because of Orange Julius, but more because of a cell phone kiosk with a new
Nokia phone from Rogers that I thought might look nice in my collection of
phones.  When I arrived, I was able to easily find a good parking space, so
it wasn't much of a walk to the jeep.  A friend of mine had once referred to
shopping as "retail therapy," and after that trip, I began to understand the
meaning behind things.

	Knowing my brother's sexual habits, I figured that he and Matilda weren't
quite ready to be interrupted; thus, I decided to make a trip to see Joey.
When I pulled the jeep in front of the gym, I could see that it was a busy
day for Joey.  I walked into the gym to find him slaving away at the front
desk while people trained.

	"Hey gorgeous," he said as I walked in the door.

	"Hey Joeycito!  How are you?"

	He shrugged, "It's been a long day, and it's not even 2 in the afternoon."

	"Awww...I'm sorry.  I got you something, though.  I hope it helps make your
day a little brighter."  I handed him the bag the contained his t-shirt.  He
looked funny, recognizing the bag as being from my single favorite store at
the mall.

	"JAKE!" he screamed as he laughed hard enough to get the attention of some
of the people in the gym.  "This is hilarious.  I'm going to wear it out
tonight.  Maybe I'll get a guy as hot as you got last night," he said,
winking.

	"Joey.  You know that you could have any man you wanted."

	"Yeah, well.  Maybe one day."  He stopped for a second and admired the
shirt.  "You really didn't have to do this, but I love it!"

	"And it should fit you, really well."

	"It looks like it might be a little tight on me."

	"It'll just make all the gay boys want you THAT much more."

	"Thank you."

	"You're welcome.  It's the least I could do.  You've done so much for me
lately, and I will never be able to completely repay you."

	"Aww...You're so sweet, Jake," he said as he leaned over the counter and
gave me a sweet little peck on the lips.

	"I think you just gave me a hardon," I joked.

	"Well.  We can close up the gym if you want and go upstairs," he said
playfully.

	I growled as Joey again laughed.  "Well, for real, I've got to run.  I'm in
Danny's jeep, and I've got to get it back to him."

	"Alrighty, babe.  Have a great afternoon.  Can I call you later?"

	"I'll be offended if you don't."

	"Yes sir," he said, smiling and winking at me.  I walked out of the door,
grabbing one of the brochures he'd had printed as I walked out of the gym.
It was my own little way of getting something with the logo that he'd
created for the gym on it.  It was a rather quick drive back to Danny's
house.  With the bags in tow, I marched proudly into the building.  The
elevator ride was calm, with light music playing over the intercom system as
I rode it up.

      Using my keys, I opened the door.  I didn't expect to walk in on my
brother, sitting on the couch with his girlfriend riding his dick.  "OH
MATTY!!!!" he yelled as she bounced up and down on his engorged penis.

      "YES!" she yelled.  I sneaked into my room and shut the door to give
them privacy.  They were oblivious to the fact that I'd even come in.  I
began unpacking my bags as I heard them both reach the point of orgasm.  She
was VERY vocal about the pleasure that she was receiving.  Danny wasn't
quiet either, groaning with what I assumed was each volley of cum he
unloaded into her awaiting pussy.  "You want to go again, babe?" she asked.

      "Why don't we wait.  I think Jake came in a second ago."

      "HE DID! OH SHIT!  WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"

      "Babe.  You were so close to orgasm; I didn't want to take that from
you."

      "You are so sweet, but I'd had three already."

      "Three?" I said quietly.  "My God!"

      "But you're so cute when you're cumming," Danny said.

      "I so have found the perfect straight man."

      "Ahhh...I'm not perfect."

      "In my eyes, you are."

      "You guys are so fucking sweet!" I yelled from the bedroom.

      They both started laughing as I continued to unpack the stuff that I'd
purchased.  I don't know why I was doing it, because I'd be going home a bit
later that afternoon.  I heard them going into Danny's bedroom a moment
later and getting dressed.  Danny came into `my room' after a few minutes.

      "I'm so sorry for bothering you guys," I said as he walked in.

      "Not a problem, brother.  We were actually expecting you a bit
earlier.  If you'd come in 20 minutes earlier, we would have been fully
clothed and sitting watching TV."

      "Damn my timing."

      "No worries, though.  Matty thought that it was hot that we got caught
in the middle of it."

      "So she had four orgasms."

      "Yep.  She did," he whispered.  "She showed me the pictures from last
night, too."

      "They were some amazing shots."

      "I know it.  I'm gonna give Dave a hard time about it the next time I
go."

      "I am so sure you'll give him a HARD time," I joked with my brother.

      "I think I'm going to wear some really tight shorts and have Matty
fluff me a little before I go."

      "You are evil!" I said laughing.

      "OOH!  I bought you something," I said as I shuffled through the bag.
"It's fitting, given what I just saw," I said, handing him the black
t-shirt.

      "BABY!!!! YOU GOT TO SEE THIS SHIT!" he yelled across the apartment.

      "What?" she said, walking into the room.  Danny held the t-shirt up so
that she could clearly see it.  "OH MY GOD!" she said, lauging.

      "I got one for you, too," I told her, handing her the white ringer
tee.

      "This is amazing!!!" she said, showing it to Danny.

      "HELL YEAH!!!  We should so wear these somewhere tonight!"

      "Let's where them to Mom's in a bit.  I just want to see her reaction.
  Did you get one for yourself?"

      "Yeah."  I held up a shirt that said `I'M EASY,' in classic lettering
on an orange ringer tee.

      "HELL YEAH!  How much money did you spend?"

      "Probably more than I should have.  Why don't you call Mom and see if
she wants us to bring dinner up for her and Freda."

      "Sure."

      I folded the pants and remaining t-shirts, two of which I could easily
give to Mom and Freda, just to see them laugh.  Mom was in agreement to the
dinner, which Danny agreed to buy.  They donned their t-shirts, and we
headed off to Mom's house.  We made it there after stopping at a local
Chili's to pick up dinner.

      "DANIEL HENRY!!!!  What the hell are you wearing?!?!?" she asked as
Freda started giggling.

      "You like it?" he asked as Matilda and I took the chili's bags into
the kitchen.

      "It's funny as hell!" Mom said, still looking at it.  "JACOB
HENRY!!!!" she yelled.

      "Ma'am?" I asked, walking quietly up to her with my t-shirt.

      "Did you go shopping?"

      "Yes ma'am," I answered.

      "OK.  Just wondering, cause I don't see Daniel buying this for
himself," she smiled.

      "Matilda, honey.  What does yours say?"

      "Ask me about my boyfriend's penis," she answered calmly.  Mother's
mouth dropped as Danny and I stood in front of her.  She couldn't contain
her laughter any more.

      "I even got you two one, too," I answered.

      "So we're all going to look like crazed freaks?" Freda asked.

      "Damn right, Freaka!" I said, winking at my aunt as I ran back to jeep
to get the bags of things I'd bought.  I got back in and gave them the
shirts.

      "MY GOD!" Mother yelled before starting laughing.  Freda gave a
similar reaction.

      We ate dinner quickly.  It seemed like a typical family dinner.  On
the surface, a newcomer to the family wouldn't have ever thought that each
person at that table, except Matilda, missed our father.  I missed Tony,
despite the fact that I knew it was over between us.  Freda, in a weird way,
probably missed Ernest, though I'm really hoping that she never gives that
motherfucker another thought.

      In those two days, I found it incredible that I was able to go across
all the gambits of the emotions.  I went from sorry to anger to denial to
happiness to orgasmic joy to a feeling of being content in my situation.  As
I went to bed, I wondered what Tony was doing, but then I remembered that he
had a date.  (Picture the grimace on my face.)  It was nice, though, to fall
asleep and not worry about him not being next to me.  I felt that I did have
the tools to go on, without him or any man, for that matter, in my life.  It
felt good, oddly enough.