Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 10:07:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: Toji Suzahara <tsuzahara@yahoo.com>
Subject: Alone Among Friends, part III

Hi guys (and girls, yes I got some respond of girls aswell :) ) thanks
for all those nice emails you have written so far. Just let the mails
keep on coming :)
Okay some real ***important notes***: When I wrote this part it got
longer than expected and I have splitted it into two, this one and
part IV.
As usual, if you are offended by men having feelings for other men and
loving each other (spiritually, physically, mentally, ...) then leave
aswell.
(Which homophobic guy would read this story anyhow?)
And my last note: Narration is 1st person (Kaneda) and 3rd person
(Daniel, Kevin, Georg, Jens, ...)
But now, enough of that - have fun reading it!


Alone Among Friends, Part III

Georg and I were sitting in the library, with a pile of books in front
of our heads. We were trying to learn that maths stuff but it was
harder than expected and from time to time I asked myself why I ever
chose to study CS.
"Let's have a break," Georg said.
"Yeah, this crap is unbelievable - for hours we're sitting here and I
don't get anything into my head," I replied.
We went out of the lib and headed towards a spot which was actually
not crowded by students at all. It was a little forest, or park I had
not noticed earlier, but at the moment I didn't care at all about it
and Georg and I straightly went there.
Georg was walking pretty fast and I had a hard time to keep the pace
up, so as we were in that park or whatever it was, I grabbed Georg's
right hand with my left hand, holding it. There wasn't any meaning
behind it but I noticed how good it felt so I kept on holding his
hand. He turned his head around, slowing his pace down a bit and
giving me a light smile. It seemed that he didn't mind me holding his
hand at all, so I got a bit bolder and pressed or rather squeezed his
hand softly. His hand was warm, soft and hard at the same time and I
liked every second holding his hand. Georg started to return my doings
and he kept on babbling about something completely unimportant to what
I was not paying much attention, but I could see a huge smile on his
face. Now I knew that he was like me and while I was being the happiest
guy in this world my right arm started to itch like mad. The world
started to dissolve around me and I winced in pain. I noticed that I
was in my bed and had twisted my arm pretty badly while I was asleep.
"Argh! Just a freakin' dream!" I yelled and buried my head into my
pillow.
It was about 10 AM and I was having morning wood. The need
to piss overwhelmed me so I went to the loo and p-ed for what seemed like
an hour - I didn't know that I had drunk that much last night,
but obviously I had.
I was smiling the whole time, thinking about that dream and trying to
keep everything about it in mind, so it would not simply dissolve into
nothingness. Georg was looking cute as ever in my dreams, damn this
hunk was so sexy. Sometimes I thought that just looking at him in his
full glory, and doing absolutely nothing, enjoying his looks would
suffice me.
It was a morning like most were in this time of the year. The clouds
were hanging pretty low and looking out of the window I could only see
a melange of gray buildings and streets which were garnished from time
to time by green/brown spots. Cars looking like bugs were trying to
find their ways through the streets while people were busy doing the
things they were supposed to do - or rather not, like the one guy who
was throwing all the contents of the paper-recycling-bin onto the
streets. I wondered what he was looking for.
My stomach clearly informed me to stop wondering about others and
start to care about my dropping blood sugar level. I went to the
little kitchen and grabbed the package of cereals I had there.
I wasn't the kind of guy who would start making a big breakfast.
Cereal (Kellogg's being my favorite brand, a leftover of my
childhood), with a glass of orange juice was enough to please me.
It was Saturday and Daniel was supposed to return at some time of the
day but at the moment my thoughts returned to Georg and I was
wondering how he would look like sleeping. I thought that he must be
looking really cute, with an all peaceful face there sleeping like a
baby. Of course I had never seen him sleeping but that's how I
imagined he would look like. I liked the thought.
I finished breakfast, had a shower and was standing naked in my room
wondering which clothes I would wear. I decided to wear my favorite
stuff, which were pretty comfortable but already old. Those clothes
were my favorite, and my mom had urged me to throw that sweatshirt
away, but I never did. It wasn't as old as she said ("Must be already
5 years old!") but old - but what the .., some stuff you like and just
keep it. Even if it's rugged out.
I decided to visit Georg, it was already 11.30 now and I thought that
he must be awake - and if he wasn't, I would see him in his pyjamas,
shorts, or whatever he would be wearing to sleep - or did he sleep
naked?
I grinned at that thought and shut the door to my apartment. It was
pretty cold outside and I started to regret that I didn't go out with
the jacket (for a 1 minute walk, 'pathetic wimp' was what came into my
mind immediately).
The second I wanted to press the button for Georg's doorbell, some
student opened the door and I slipped in.
This time I noticed that the elevator in the building was even
shabbier than the one in ours. Lots of crappy slogans, jokes and tags.
The 'taggers' I couldn't stand since they would smear their lame tag
everywhere but it wouldn't look good. They'd call themselves
'sprayers' but I assumed that most of them never made a graffiti.
Come on, the taggers never had any style! I respected the guys who
showed their skills when spraying if you get what I mean. Not just tags, but
spraying onto walls making all those nice graffitis (well not everyone
was great at it, but some of them were real stunning). Whatever. I
read one of the slogans on the wall of the elevator and it went
something like this: 'i was waiting here for the fucking lift to open
up, but the only thing which opened up was the pussy in front of me'.
I thought about it for a split second and sighed. The elevator opened
it's doors and I went to Georg's Apartment. I knocked two times and
waited.
"Come in, it's open" Georg said trough the door.
I opened the door and stepped in. He was sitting on his bed with the
computer playing his MP3s.
"Hey man", I said
"Hey Kaneda, just woke up," he said smiling.
I just noticed that he was still wearing the stuff he had on
yesterday, actually earlier today in the club. I noticed something
else to my delight: He was having a hard one in his pants and that
fabric bend pretty much. I tried to digress myself so the first thing
was that I started to look somewhere else and to evade getting an
erection myself I thought about naked women. That was enough to turn
me off.
"Yeah I know, I was too drowsy to change, so I slept in that stuff."
"Noticed that," I said and started to make some fast shadow-boxing
moves, halted and then added, "so Mr.Handsome, sighted anything
yesterday?"
I grinned at him wondering really if there was a girl (probably a
guy?) he had seen.
"Oh-ho. Wow, nice moves Kaneda!"
"Don't digress, so was there anything?"
"Yeah, sort of, but hadn't the guts to do anything. What about you?"
I started to smile and said, "Well nobody."
"No no Mr. Jackie Chan, I don't believe you, there was somebody,
wasn't there? Your smile suggests that there was somebody," he said
smiling.
"Na, seriously Georg there wasn't - I was just trying to make you
curious and it worked."
We continued to chat about trivial things while he went to the
bathroom and had a shower (I wished I was with him in the shower),
changed (not in front of me unfortunately) and made himself breakfast
(I would have liked to make ourselves breakfast).
After some time I decided to go back home and search the web for some
new MP3s for Georg told me that he had found lots of good sites with
many different music styles.
While I was sitting in front of my PC surfing the web for MP3s
somebody knocked my door.
"Door is open!" I shouted.
Daniel went in looking as cool as ever.
"Hey guy, how do you do, everything fine? I bet you guys missed me!"
he said with a laugh.
"Of course Daniel, I couldn't sleep every night and wished you were
here with me in my bed," I said sarcastically.
"Yeah man, that's my Kaneda. So how you been dude?"
"Quite fine, it was really a bit boring without you, good to have you
back!"
"Man, you know, the world stops turning without me. What about it? I
don't wanna think about uni yet, so let's play some Ridge Racer?"
Daniel said, with his big wide eyes and of course I was unable to
refuse the request of this cute guy. Man, I only had cute guys around
me!
"Yeah, why not?"
We both sat on the bed, playing the game like we had done so often
now, but this time it would be very different which I was about to
find out pretty soon. Daniel just had managed to be in the lead when
he suddenly drove the car against the wall. I was baffled since this
wasn't a turn which was too hard and he seldomly made mistakes,
moreover such a mistake was pathetic for his skills.  He just drove
straight into the boundary of the course.
"Come on leave this shit, you don't need to let me win," I said a bit
turned off.
I noticed that he was not behind me at all in the game, so I looked
away from the TV and turned my head around, looking at him. Daniel was
staring at me. He was holding the controller lightly in his hands and
his gaze was totally distracting.
"Daniel?" I said.
What was going to happen I didn't expect, I could not expect and
actually had not hoped for it to happen this way but I knew it would change
the relationship between us completely. He grabbed my head with both his
hands and he kissed me on my lips. Being totally confused and still in
'stealth-mode' I could hardly find the words, but the ones I found,
couldn't have been wronger at that time.
"What the fu..?" I heard myself saying. It was as if I was looking at
both of us from outside of my body.
Daniel was stunned. He was in a stun already before I had said these
words.
Suddenly tears started to drop from his eyes and he started crying.
"What the fuck have I done? I am fucked up, excuse me Kaneda, I am a
completely fucked up moron," he said.
"No, don't say that," I said and tried to comfort him by trying to
hold him but he backed away.
"Leave me alone. I..ah.. I don't want this! I don't know this!! This
is not me!" he kept on yelling.
'Oh jeesus' I thought, what's with this guy? First he kisses me and
now he starts yelling and playing all mad?
"It's okay Daniel, don't worry about it, I am also ..., "
"Shut the fuck up, nothing is okay! You get it? Nothing is okay! Just
leave me alone, and.. and I don't want to talk about it!"
He stood up, rushed to the door and slammed it close behind himself.
I could not believe what just had happened. He had kissed me, a good
friend of mine, this cute guy had kissed me! But I didn't know what
to think about it, I didn't have any clue what had happened.
The telephone rang.
"Uh, hello?"
"Hey jerk, it's me Kevin"
"Hi Kevin."
"You won't believe it: You talked about that moving together shit
yesterday right?"
"Yeah..?", I said, still completely absent and thinking about what had
happened some minutes ago.
"Well a friend of mine has a flat close here. It has 3 bedrooms and
everything is pretty awesome. He and the bunch of friends are moving
out for different reasons and he is looking for people to move in,
else he'll have to pay the rent for the 3 remaining months. So what
about it? It's -the- opportunity, and it's even cheap!"
"..."
"Earth contacting Kaneda - sending on all hailing frequencies: YOU
THERE??" he yelled into the phone sounding amused.
"Uh, yeah, I am with it, count on me"
"Fine! Then you're the 4th, Georg and Daniel have already agreed. I
will ask Jens and Yilmaz if they wanna join too, 2 people in each
bedroom I would say."
"Sounds great to me"
"Okay, see you soon jerk," he said and hung up the phone.
Daniel already had said yes? I assumed that Kevin must have called him
before this here had happened.




Daniel was sitting in his room and feeling numb. He didn't and could
not accept what he had done. His feelings, this 'dreadful' feelings
had overcome him again. He had done the unthinkable. Something which
was so wrong, which was forbidden, which was condemned by everything
he had heard and believed in had overcome him. He had sworn to himself
that these feelings he had, would never take control over him, for he
was not gay, no not him, Daniel-the-jock, couldn't be gay. He was a
good kid, he believed in god, in the words of his parents. He could
not be gay. His parents had warned him once about the 'bad guys' who
would try to seduce him when he was a kid. He never knew that he was
changing into such a 'bad guy' but he was absolutely positive that he
wouldn't let this happen.
Daniel bend and crouched on his bed, trying to become as small as
possible. He rested his head on his knees and tried to ignore the
thoughts which were in his mind. He had sex with women so often and it
worked well for him he thought. But why did he still have feelings,
sexual feelings when he saw good looking men. What was so fascinating
about Kaneda? He was a guy damnit! He wasn't supposed to be fascinated
about a guy he thought. Couldn't he get his brain to work this way?
Daniel strongly believed that he could control his desires, but this
failure 5 minutes ago pained and frightened him so much, it frightened
him to death. He didn't want to be gay. Gay! This word! Even this
word was worrying. He didn't want people to point there fingers on
him and say,  "Hey look at him! He's a bloody fag, a cock-sucker, a
queen, he will burn in hell!". He was Daniel, he never did something
wrong (okay, he broke some girls hearts at some time, and killed a cat
which was an accident), deep inside, subconsciously he knew that all
his problem came from society and it's pressures on him. It's
non-tolerance towards gays. But Daniel being tough outside, was
fragile inside. He could not bear it, he wanted to be popular, and
being gay contradicted his idea of being popular. It was no solution
for him to be outed, but he had made a big mistake this time. He
kissed the guy on the lips. This wasn't interpretable in any other
way than him having a crush on him or being gay. Daniel felt so low
and if he had only wish in this second, he would have wished for his
own death.
He hoped that Kaneda wouldn't tell anybody. He expected him not to
speak about it. Daniel was getting crazy. He wanted to tell Kaneda not
to speak about what happened with anybody but the same time he didn't
even want to bring this issue up with Kaneda, he didn't feel like
speaking at all. But one thing he knew, Kaneda would look differently
at him from now on and it wouldn't be the same with him anymore.
Daniel sat on his bed, feeling alone as he had never felt before and
sobbed silently.



I was so confused I didn't know what to do. I thought that I had to
speak with Daniel about what just had happened, and probably I could
help him by saying that I was gay? But did he want to hear that when
he reacted that strangely? I was going nuts, I was going nuts for
sure!
I decided to speak with him about it. I stood up and went out of my
room, leaving the door open. I took a deep breath before I knocked his
door.
"Daniel?"
No response.
"Are you in there?"
I tried to open the door but it was locked.
"Daniel.. if you are in there, let me in, I want to talk with you
about it."
"Shut up Kaneda, and go away, just leave me alone," I heard him saying
with a croaky voice.
I sighed and went back to my room. I actually could not sit there and
do nothing. I was not in the mood to play music or do anything else
while Daniel was sitting over there, feeling bad about something which
was natural. I didn't know if he realized that it was emotionally
overwhelming for me what he did, and in contrast to him, I needed to
speak about it. But with whom?
Going over to the table where the phone was, I dialed Georg's number.
"Georg? Would you mind me coming over to your place?" I asked him.
"Nopes, come over anytime," he said, and I hung up the phone and went
over to his place. On the way to his place I decided not to speak
about it, cause that would reveal the nature of Daniel to Georg and I
didn't want to be a gossiping bastard.
When I stepped in, he immediately noticed that something was not
right.
"Everything okay with you Kaneda?"
"Yeah sure, Georg. Why are you asking?"
"Well I can see it in your face man, something is wrong.", he said
softly.
"Nothing is wrong Georg. I just started to feel bored over there."
"Okay okay, I won't poke around anymore. So what are we going to do?"
"Dunno, you suggest something Georg."
"Let me think," Georg said and I could see how a his face got all
clouded by the thoughts he was having.
His face looked so cute and innocent right now, sitting there on his
bed, and thinking what we would do. If I hadn't felt as crappy as I
did, I would have had some real good suggestions on what to do. But I
was not in the mood.
I took a look at Georg's room and noticed that I hadn't seen it
properly yet. What I could definitely say about Georg was that he was
a sports-maniac. Not meant negatively though. He seemed to love his
sports (and that was basketball) and had many posters of NBA-Players
hanging on his wall. The only guy I knew was Michael Jordan, the rest
of the guys were absolutely unknown to me. Okay, I knew Kobe Briant
and Dennis Rodman - a complete idiot in my eyes.
Georg had a PC with a TV Tuner card, so he would use the monitor for
watching TV the same time. Nice stuff, I could have saved some money
if I had the idea earlier... but then I also had Playstation which
needed a TV. His room didn't make the impression that he was messy
but neither it looked like a show-case. The clothes he wore yesterday
night were still on the chair. I noticed that he was wearing
CK-underwear and tried to imagine how he would look like with only
them on.
"I have an idea," he said drawing me out of my daydreams.
"Shoot!"
"You actually made the impression yesterday that you didn't want to
go the club but to the movies, right? So my suggestion is, to go to
the flicks."
"Yeah, that's right. And the idea is cool."
"Okay, well let me call Daniel and see if he's there and ask him if he
wants to join," he said and had already taken the receiver from the
cradle.
I hoped that Daniel was alright and the same time I hoped that Daniel
would not think that I went to Georg and told him everything. I could
not tell Georg not to mention me, well whatever I thought, I had to
rely on my luck.

"Hey Danny, it's me Georg!

 How are you doing?

 Cool, nice to hear that! Had fun with your mom and dad?

 Hehe, yeah I bet that this was tricky.

 Hey anyhow, the reason I am calling is that I wanna ask you if you
wanna go to the flicks later on?

 Okay, we'll meet at 7 in front of your building. Till then
"

"So," he said with such a big smile, "we're going to get out later on.
Hmmm.. which flick are we going to see?"
"Uh, I don't care, just chose some good movie," I replied.
"Ha ha, you make it really easy for yourself, huh? Making me chose the
film and when it's crap then you gonna cuss the shit out of me,
right?"
"Exactly," I said with a grin. I would never cuss the shit out of him
though.
"Well let's fire the PC up then, we're gonna check what's in the
cinemas on the internet," he said.
"Man you sure know a lot cool pages Georg, I just chat, and that's
all," I said.
"Ahan? And with whom do you chat?"
I didn't think about that at all. I mostly chat only in gay channels,
seldomely for something else, so I had to think about something.
"Well general chat man, nothing special, chats with ... chicks."
"The usual. Hope you don't get all cyber and jack off in front of the
PC," he laughed but suddenly stopped as he must have realized that I
didn't like that comment.
"Actually not Georg," I said very soberly.
"Sorry Kaneda, I was just joking."
"Not to worry. Forget it," I said already feeling bad that I took it
amiss what he had said. It wasn't that bad and I knew he meant it as a
joke.
"Hey I have a film, let's watch 'Cookie's Fortune'," he said.
"Who's starring?"
"Liv Tyler, Chris O' Donnel and some other guys I don't know," he said
smiling a bit, still feeling a bit embarrassed at what he had said
earlier.
"Oh man Georg, stop it, I didn't mind what you said, stop looking
like that."
"How am I looking?"
"All guilty," I said and grinned heavily, which made him start to
smile aswell.
"Okay, okay.. so since we got the film - what are we going to do the
spare hours we have?"
"Don't know,.."
"Let me think ...  hey you been to the gym today?"
"Nopes."
"Well then let's go for work out for some time, what do you think?"
"Oh well okay, if I don't go I will start skipping it for the rest  of
the week and that ain't a good way to keep up a good shape," I said
and grinned.
"I need to get my stuff and a jacket - and apparently a smoke. We'll
meet downstairs in 5 minutes okay?"
"Sure, till then." Georg said with a smile.

It didn't take me longer than 4 minutes to get my stuff together: A
white Nike shirt without sleeves and a stitched, dark-blue Nike-Logo
on it, a blue Nike short which when I wore would cover my legs till my
knees, a pair of white Nike-socks and of course some Nike AirMax. I
knew that I was over-doing it with my Nike-fable, but I loved the
stuff from them, and sometimes I reckoned myself to be the victim of
their marketing campaign. But as long as I liked it, everything was
alright. And up to now I liked most of the stuff. I took my showering gel
and the rest aswell with me this time, since I knew there would be far
too less time to come back to the dorms and have a shower. Usually I
would avoid showering in the gym's showers for different reasons: At
times I feared that I would start to stare too much at some of the
hunks and would reveal myself. Another reason was that the shower's
weren't that clean at times. But I thought that actually the main
reason was that I didn't want to see my friends all naked. I knew
it was weird, but I felt bad for having sexual fantasies about them
already - I felt pretty bad jerking off having them in my mind sometimes
and didn't want to make this jack-offs even more 'real'. I knew
that it sounded really weird, but that's how I felt.
Georg was already waiting in front of the building - as usual. I
thought that I was fast this time, but still young blue eyes was
faster.
He was wearing a real stylish gray jacket, but I could not describe
the fabric of it for it seemed like a mix of wool and something else I
didn't know properly. However it was looking good with him.
"Ready?" Georg asked.
"Sure."
"Well we won't have too much time for your little escapades - I mean
that you shower at home; I have two towels with me so you can use one
of mine."
"Nice thought Georg, but I knew about it, and have all my stuff
together. Thank you anyhow."
Georg grinned and we went down the road for the gym. It was about a 10
minutes walk from the gym but the terrible cold wind made walking
there a royal pain the ass. I regretted that we hadn't taken the bus
down to the gym. The road, the buildings and the other surroundings we
were passing were refreshingly uninspiring. I meant what I thought.
One gray building with oddly painted colors (Austin Powers would find
them pretty "Groovy" I thought) would follow another. Trees with only
some brownish-hanging leaves on strangely thin, spider-like branches,
gave this whole scenario a bizarre touch. The recycle bins with their
bright orange color stinged in my eyes and made the whole view look
even more grotesque.
"This is how it will look like after a nuclear impact," I said to
myself rather loudly for Georg heard what I said.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You are right."
"Huh?"
"Yeah already looks like an A-Bomb has detonated here. All gray, dull,
dead, strange - no students here. Really odd. And these orange recycle
bins. Man, simply sucks."
"At least you share this with me," I said and grinned.
The sports complex of the university was huge and the gym was located
somewhere in between two great halls. The light in the gym was rather
dull, and most of the machines for work-out were looking rather old or
used a lot. It's a typical phenomenon for german universities I
thought, mostly they had problems to fund all the offers they had for
the students, so they were seldomely up-to-date with the equipment. I
didn't mind it though.
In the locker room I chose on purpose a spot which was a bit away from
Georg's place so that if I started to stare at him (which I hoped I
would not), it would not be so apparent. I tried hard not to stare at
him while he was changing but however I could not resist to take a
glimpse. There wasn't much to see for Georg was wearing his stuff
already below his pants and the sweater. Tough luck!
When we went out, he was wearing an UCLA-sweatshirt and shorts from
"Champions". The color-combination he had chosen was red/gray and it
suited him a lot. His shorts weren't as long as mine and one could see
his beautiful thighs which were defined but weren't over-muscled like
those of some guys in the gym. His legs were coated with a very
delicate amount of hair; it looked very soft and nearly smooth, for it
was very thin. Georg's calfs were also neat, and I liked to view them.
I noticed that I started to stare so I tried to digress myself with
something else and I just thought I should do more for my legs aswell.
We went in and started with a warm-up run for about 15 minutes. After
that we had different work-out procedures and Georg went to the
machines for training his thighs and calfs. I went over to the
butterfly to keep my pecs in shape. An odd machine, I never liked it
too much, but it was very effective, that's what I learnt with time.
Back then when I started to workout, I had problems moving those 40
lbs but now I was dealing with 120 lbs already and felt real good
about it.
There were a lot of students in the gym and some of them were looking
quite gorgeous. One guy for instance had a nearly perfect build and
looked neat, but in my eyes he was too short, with a few inches more
he would have certainly been a lady-killer (and would drag more looks
of men like me towards him). Some of the guys -thought- they were
absolute hot-shots for they were showing off with everything they were
doing. Others on the other hand would just talk the whole time long.
It looked to me as if they just came to chat with their friends. Some
sort of alibi-maneuver to feel better ("oh yeah, I've been to the gym
again - aah, I feel great!").
The most respect I had for the somewhat heavier guys and girls who
were running for hours, stepping for hours and torturing themselves to
get rid of their unwanted amounts of mass. I thought a lot about it
and I came to the conclusion that if I weren't as I were (One could
say that I was gifted at some extend with a good body, for I never
needed to do too much workout to look defined) then I definitely
wouldn't be able to do that much workout as they were doing. Sometimes
I wished I could help them by simply casting a spell to make their fat
vanish. I smiled at that thought.
But back to the guys in the gym. There was one guy whom I had noticed
would look over to me, or rather I had a feeling. Whenever I looked
over to him, he never looked back, so I was pretty unsure if my
feeling was right or not. I didn't care about that guy too much, for
he was absolutely not my type. I tried to figure out if Georg was
looking at me, but actually he was not - or I never noticed him
looking at me if he did so. He was looking so sexy with each movement
he was making. Georg was a sight, that was for sure, and I had noticed
that not only me was looking at him but many chicks were doing the
same from time to time. If he knew how many chances he had with women.
But some guys don't know how to go up to girls and talk. Tough luck!



Georg was pretending to be busy with the machine for the calfs but he
was paying most of his attention to Kaneda, who was looking around
while doing his butterflies. Georg liked to watch 'his' Kaneda move
his arms together which caused his strong pecs to contract the same
time. He was trying to view as much as possible of Kaneda, but as soon
as he was moving his head to the direction where Georg was sitting,
Georg would smoothly look somewhere else. Sometimes he would look back
at him, give him a smile and mimic an exhausted man, or putting on
grimaces on his face just for the sake of it. He saw spots of sweat on
Kaneda's shirt and he wondered how his body would look right now
without the T-shirt on it. Trying not to drift on in daydreams, he
concentrated on something else.



Georg was certainly not paying attention to me, but would just fool
around from time to time.  After some time and some chats we were both
done with our program and it was time to get ready for the flick. We
went out of the gym and headed towards the locker room were the
showers also were. As we opened the door, the warm air virtually
slapped us right in the face.
Georg, who was a bit away from where I was standing, undressed himself
quite quickly, wrapped a towel around himself and went into the
showers. I caught a glimpse on his butt for about a second before it
disappeared under the towel. And what I had seen so far was quite
nice.
I got rid of my T-shirt and shorts, which were partly soaked with my
sweat and headed with a towel to the showers. Not that it was the
first time that I was in showers with other guys, I still felt somehow
uncomfortable though I was enjoying it in there. Georg was already
showering and I looked at him for very short, but liking a lot what I
had seen. I decided that I would try to get as less views of him as
possible, since I was already feeling an autonomous reaction from my
best part. The temperature of the water was okay, but I made it more
chilly, so that it would completely kill any lust in me. Georg was
standing about 2 meters away and if I wanted to I could have had a
real nice look at his body. I tried to control myself and not look at
him so I looked at the other direction. That wasn't much of an help
either since a real stud was showering there, with arms and pecs so
beautifully defined, I could not handle it. God I was feeling embarrassed
for I felt that my manhood was getting harder. I started to soap myself
up with the showering gel and tried to avoid my crotch at some extent - I
knew that any touch would bring me in a more embarrassing position. I
hurried up and made the water even colder. I looked around, grinning a
bit silly and feeling that I had everything back in control now. I
looked at Georg - only at his face (I wanted to watch him all over and
enjoy his looks but I only risked a short glimpse on him) - and he
smiled back, making a gesture that we should hurry up.


As Georg went into the locker-room, he was in full anticipation for
this would be the first time that he would see a whole lot more of his
adored guy. Kaneda never used to go to the showers with them when they
worked out. Once he had asked Kaneda what the reason for that was and
he told him that he didn't like the unhygienic appearance of the
showers. He was pretty right there, Georg thought. However this time
Kaneda hadn't enough time and had to shower with him and Georg was
looking forward to see him in full nudity.
Georg was pretty much able to control himself in such
"showering-situations". He was in the basketball-team back in school
and had learnt some tactics on how to avoid getting a hard one with
all the others in the shower.
He was faster with changing clothes than Kaneda was and already went
in there. He looked around and chose a spot from where he would always
have a good look at Kaneda. He thought that Kaneda would not choose a
vacant shower too close to another guy so there was only one left he
could chose. After a minute or so Kaneda, with a towel around his
waist, entered the showers. Georg was watching him trough the corner
of his eyes in full tension.
Kaneda took off the towel and put it on one of the hooks of the
entrance. Georg started to drool over Kaneda's body. He couldn't have
prayed for more he thought. He could not see too properly though since
a direct look would have been too obvious and the way he was looking
caused Kaneda not to be in the focus of his eyes. But what he saw
amazed him and made him horny. Now, for the first time, he was
'developing' a problem in the showers for his manhood was starting to
react on the sight Kaneda gave him. Georg concentrated on something
else, still trying to get as much from Kaneda as possible. He could
see that Kaneda was soaping himself up and he dreamt how it would be
if he would be the owner of the hand which was soaping Kaneda.
Georg turned around, washed his hair and looked directly at Kaneda's
face this time - and saw that he was also looking at his face. Not
knowing what to say he just made a gesture to him to hurry up.


I was faster than Georg out of the showers and went back to the
lockerroom. Noone was there and I started to dry myself off with the
towel. I had turned around and anybody who'd come in would only see my
back. When I came to dry off my crotch I actually started to rub my best
part gently with the towel. I had just seen Georg in his full glory, and
you can believe me when I say that he was looking awesome: His dark
hair, his blue eyes, the sculptured pecs and abs, the strong arms, his
muscular thighs and wonderful calfs. Everything in right proportions,
everything looking sexy. I could feel that this light touch of the
towel was making me wild like nothing so I tried hard to stop myself
from doing it, but I was unable to do so. I saw my hand keeping up the
smooth motion and my dick getting harder. I was in the locker room and
any second somebody could step in seeing what I was doing but that was
getting more and more unimportant to me. It was feeling so damn good
and waves of lust were moving trough my body and I felt that I was
loosing control. I wanted to stop and not to stop.
Only one second more I thought.. only a second more, then I would
stop... I felt that it would not take too long to cum, god in heavens,
what was I doing? My breathing became harder and my my hand was
stroking more than gently now. The precum had lubed parts of my
dickhead and the movement's were getting smoother. I was thinking of
having it with Georg right now and it felt so good. 'Jerk off
Kaneda, noone will come' I thought. I heard how a shower was turned
off. I came to senses, bit on my lip and pressed myself against the hard
and cold steel of the fence, which was separating each row of benches from each
other. The cold brang me back to reality and I instantly moved my hand
away from my erection.
Now I heard some noise. I stunned. I was still breathing a bit
heavier, but all the lust was instantly gone. I grabbed my boxers and
slipped into them quickly, my dick creating a huge bulge in it. I was
more than reliefed that I hadn't lost control completely.



Georg had enjoyed the view, and when Kaneda went out of the showers,
he saw his nice behind. Georg tried to finish showering as fast as
possible for he wanted to see Kaneda changing, damn he was really
hot now, he wanted to be with Kaneda so much... but... Kaneda wasn't gay. He
felt so damn idiotic all of a sudden that he was loving somebody
he couldn't have. 'Damn!', he thought, washed the soap off and went
out.
Stepping out he saw Kaneda slipping into his boxers pretty much
hurried. He looked at him and was enjoying Kaneda's nice V-shaped
back. He knew that he loved that guy, no matter what happened and knew
that sooner or later he would have to tell him about himself. Thinking
about it, he decided that if he really should tell him, he would skip
that "being-in-love" part. Real sweet thoughts he had in his mind but
he knew that it would not lead nowhere. Looking at Kaneda, Georg felt
like going up to him and hug or hold him tight.



My stud came out of the showers with the towel around his waist and he
also hurried to get dressed. He used that technique were one would
have the towel around ones waist the whole time and dress up. I was
pretty impressed with that for I was unable to keep the towel around
my waist while putting on my boxers or pants. (I know this sounds
silly, but I really was unable to do so).
After 10 minutes we were out of the gym and on the way to the place to
meet Daniel. I searched my pockets for my luckies and lit one.
Thinking about what I had seen in the showers, I knew that there was a
lot of more substance for my jerking-off-sessions now, though I felt
bad for reducing my sweet friend, this gorgeous hunk to an object of
my sexual desires.


-----------------

Continued in part IV (which will be out very soon!)
Please let me know how you found this part and send comments, critics and
anything else to: tsuzahara@yahoo.com


Thanx for reading
:)