Date: Thu, 09 Mar 2000 09:47:28 +0100
From: Toji Suzahara <tsuzahara@yahoo.com>
Subject: Alone Among Friends, IX

Hi again! Sorry for the huge delay in this episode.. but I have 
been busy with work and studies so I ran out of time.. actually I
was done like two weeks before (some of you know that) but I did not
have time to revise it .. lol. Again! Sorry for letting you guys
hang for so long when I had such a cliffhanger in the last episode.
Anyhow! Thanks a lot for all the nice emails I got from you guys and
as usual I will reply each and every one. 
Just let the mails keep on coming!
Okay, the disclaimer: You should not be reading this if you are underaged,
violating laws reading fiction containing explicit scenes or gay themes.
You should not be reading this either when you are a homophobic moron,
and you should not read this if you think all gays will burn in hell.
For all the rest: Have fun reading it!



"Ich wurde Dir ja gerne helfen, aber ich habe keine Lust."



Alone Among Friends, Part IX

[DILEMMA]
I wasn't able to move and Georg who also heard Yilmaz statement had
freezed aswell.
"Nice joke Yilmaz, pretty surprised to hear such a -cool- joke from
you," Kevin said mockingly.
Jens slowly turned his head towards Kevin.
"He is serious - he is nearly always serious," Jens said with a serious
tone.
Kevin looked at Jens, then to Yilmaz.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes," Yilmaz said.
"Why do you think that?" Jens asked him.
"Somebody has been using the PC to surf gay sites."
Everybody was quiet now. I hadn't used the PC at all cause I didn't
need to, neither Georg needed it. Georg and I looked at each other and
we both knew who had used the PC. Daniel had used the PC for his
purpose but unfortunately forgot to clear the cache or whatever it was
that made Yilmaz notice it. And I would have never thought that any of
the guys would be so nosey to sneak around in the cache, or check the
history of the browser; apparently I was wrong.
So what was Yilmaz problem, why did he need to say that? Couldn't he
have ignored it? I was speechless and I was annoyed by him.
"God! I can't believe it!" Jens suddenly yelled, breaking the silence.
"What.. I can't believe it! Fuck man, who is the fag?!?"
Nobody replied and to say the least I was shocked by Jens' reaction. I
didn't expect none of those straight guys to react in such a way and I
felt fright creeping up my spine. I looked over to Daniel who was
dead-pale by now; he looked really sick and I felt awfully bad for him.
It hadn't been too long that he accepted himself to be gay and now
this.. now somebody had found out something.
Georg wasn't looking any better either, but he was trying to compose
himself as good as he could.
"We have a right to know!!!!!! I wanna know who it is!" Jens yelled.

[EYES OF TIME]
Kevin was sitting there, with his eyes wide opened and simply mute. He
did not say a word. I felt the awkwardness of the situation and how the
air in the room was very thick all of a sudden. Time seemed to had a
pace of it's own by now and the seconds were stretching to something
longer, to something eternal, and it looked as if with each "second"
passing the effect getting worse.
I looked again at Daniel and saw how his eyes were starting to water.
It was not something he was able to bear as it seemed, nor was I able
to bear seeing him suffering. My head turned back to Georg in an
awfully slow pace and it felt as if minutes were passing before the
movement was complete; what I saw was despair in his eyes. Jens furious
spasms had slowed down to soft slow movements; his jaw was moving in
slowmotion and tiny drops of water were catapulted out of his mouth
while he was shouting, making the scene look bizarre. I could not hear
him properly anymore, his voice was unnatural low and I felt as if
everything was comoing to a standstill.  
This friendly athmosphere which had been created by the six of us, this
feeling of home, everything which felt good about this apartment, was
at stake. No.. it was not at stake.. it was already lost, and realizing
it made me feel numb and bitter. I knew that it was not possible to
correct things: what had been said had been said. Now they knew.
I saw the faces around me as if it was a still picture, not the real,
living and vivid world. I could see how Jens' face was distorted by
hatred I hadn't seen in him before, yet didn't even belive he was able
to have. I saw Yilmaz's expressionless face, just as ever, as if
nothing had been changed, if the words he had said had no effect, as if
he was not even there, not related to this at any time. I saw Kevin's
face which was noticably clouded by thoughts, thoughts which I feared
knowing, which I did not want to know. I saw Daniel's face, a face
distorted by fear, and the pain and inner turmoil of feelings which
seemed to be the reflection of his soul... and I saw Georg's face. A
face trying to cover a secret which was no secret anymore, which had
been exposed, but which had not been assigned yet for the holder of the
secret was unknown.. i saw a vulnarability in his eyes which made my
heart bleed, a vulnerability I had never sensed nor seen in him before.
I could see trough the mask he had put on, I could see the turmoil in
him, I could see the fear in him and I could see the pain.
Everything was at stake. Something had to be said now, it could not be
ignored, the evidence was there, the question was posed. I knew the
right thing to do, I knew what I had to do and I felt that it was
right. There was no other way.. I was afraid of it, but it was the only
solution I saw to this situation and I hoped that it was the right
decision.

[NOX]
"Who is the fucking queer here?" Jens continued to yell
"It's me, I am gay," I said. Finally.
Jens' head turned to me, puzzled, then he recollected himself, for it
seemed that he did not expect me to answer his question.
"Are you happy now??" I heard myself shouting with a shaky voice. I was
feeling weird, feeling helpless, vulnerable and really bad somehow, and
I could feel how there was a lump in my throath.
I felt how tears were welling inside of me, and I tried hard to control
myself, but it seemed as if it was not possible. Daniel and Georg were
still in a stun, though in both faces fear had been replaced by an
expression of wonder.
"You fucking fag! I.. I can't believe it!" he shouted from his place
and I felt anger and pain. I felt so helpless, I felt exposed,
stripped, naked, and I wished I was dead at that point. I never wanted
to be cussed like that, being cussed for something I had no control
over. I felt so terrible and I wished so hard that I wasn't ever born.
I wished that Georg would hold me, that he would probably stand up for
me, but I somehow knew that I could not expect it from him.
"We should get this ass-fucker out of the apartment, he.. he..," Jens
continued his speech of hatred, and I stood up, with tears rolling down
my cheeks, for which I hated myself even more and I ran to my room as
fast as I could. I slammed the door behind me and slowly sunk to the
ground, weeping there, and praying for this time to go over either
soon, or for death welcoming me..either way.. i would have been happy.
It was unbearable.. Jens was my friend.. Or was supposed to be my
friend.. and now he was cussing me. What was with the rest? Would
everybody cuss me? Why did this all have to happen??


"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" I heard a voice trough the door, distracting
me from my pity. I raised my head and pressed my ear against the door,
trying to sort out whose voice it was. I realized that it was not Jens
voice.. Whose voice was it then?
"If I ever hear you bashing Kaneda like that again, I will rip you
apart, do you understand?"
It was Kevin.
There was no response.
"To ALL of you, if any of you morons harm Kaneda in any way, may it be
physical or psychological, he'll get a PHYSICAL treatment by me,
understood?"
My eyes were still watering, but I already felt a bit better, that
there was at least one guy who stood by me. But why wasn't it Georg?
Why did not Georg stand up for me?
I heard how somebody knocked the door.
"Kaneda? Everything.. alright there..?"
I did not reply, though I knew it was Kevin. I stood up and moved to my
bed where I just sat down
"Kaneda.. can I come in.. please?"
"Yes," I said with a shaky voice, snotting a bit into my sleeve which
was plain disgusting but I could have cared less at that moment.
Kevin opened the door slowly, poking his head in, and then slowly
moving towards the bed,
"Hey jerk, everything alright with you?" he said, taking a seat right
next to me.
"..."
Kevin put his arm around me and drew me closer to himself. Somehow it
felt good. Where was Georg, the man I needed.. the man I loved?
"I am not going to let these bastards get you.. You're safe with me
here," he said into my ear.
"Come on, Kaneda, you like guys, so what? I like girls, so what? I mean
what the.. Jens is an archaic narrowminded relict from the last
century, you know, guys like him will extinct someday."
I smiled at that one. Kevin was really idealistic.
"Hey at least you lighten up."
"Thank you Kevin, I don't know what to say.."
"You don't need to say anything.."
I turned towards him and gave him a hug, which he returned.
"Can I come in?"
I looked back to the door and saw Georg standing in the doorframe. I
could see how guilty he felt, his eyes were mirrors to his soul and
they told me in detail what he felt.
"Yeah," I said, giving him a small smile. He came over and Kevin looked
at him with a threathful look. Georg stood in front of me, looking at
me with his puppy eyes, which I simply loved. I was not angry with him
anyhow.. or anymore, but if I had been angry, his eyes would have made
me forget the anger in no time.
"I am so sorry Kaneda," he said with a low shaky voice, nearly
whispering. He dragged me gently up from the bed (by now I felt like a
puppet) looking into my eyes for some seconds, and then he kissed me
for a minutes or two, ignoring the fact that Kevin was sitting there
right on my bed and that everybody would know now that he was gay
aswell.
"You did not need to.. drop your cover Georg," I said, when we broke
our kiss, really meaning it. I felt that it was enough that I did, but
he really didn't need to, nobody would have suspected him to be gay
anyhow.
"No.. I am sorry for being a coward, Kaneda, and am sorry for not
standing with you... damn I love you so much," he said, then shouting,
"did you ALL HEAR IT? I LOVE KANEDA! HE IS MY MAN, AND NOBODY DARE HURT
HIM!" he said and then his voice broke.
"Can you forgive me Kaneda, I was supposed to be by your side,.." Georg
said, tears running down his face, "I.. I would do anything for you,..
I would die for you,.. I..," he was mumbling and sobbing. It was
unbearable for me seeing him like that, so I placed my finger on his
lips and kissed him gently.
"ssht..I did this for you, I did not expect you to stand by me,"
looking at Georg and trying to comfort him somehow since I did want to
stand him by my side though; my voice was also very shaky.
"Kevin did a good job," I said and turned around and gave Kevin another
big hug.
Kevin, who had watched us the whole time was speechless by now and he
really looked puzzled. "So.. you guys are.. together?"
"Yeah.. " Georg said and held me tight to himself.
Kevin's face lit up again and a smile shone on his face. "That's really
good for you two, I think you.. errr.. match, jerks!"
We both started to laugh, but I was sure that it must have sounded a
bit weird for we were still trying to compose ourselfes.
"Can I come ... in?" It was Daniel's voice from outside the room.
"Sure Daniel, come in," Georg said. Daniel was standing in the
doorframe having a look of guilt on his face. I looked at him and gave
him a sign that everything was okay. I hoped that he got what I wanted
to say cause I thought that it was absolutely NOT necessary for him to
step out of the closet aswell. If he wanted to, then it was okay... but
if he did not and he felt as if it was an obligation to him that he
needed to tell about himself then I wanted him to hold back his horses.
"Are you okay Kaneda?" Daniel said, with concern in his voice. He came
closer and hugged me aswell.
"Woohah! If outing means that one gets hugged by his friends, one
should always tell that one is gay," I said and laughed.
Daniel broke apart and the four of us were standing in the room looking
at each other.
"It's good to see that everybody cares about you Kaneda, and even
better that Georg the hunk is your .. err.. well boyfriend, so I think
I can calm down a bit.. but still.. as long as I am around, nobody will
hurt neither you, nor Georg.. though I think he can protect himself."
"Thanks Kevin.. but did you just hint that you think I am helpless?" I
said tackling Kevin down on the bed and tickling him.
"Stop it Kaneda!! I am going to wet my pants!"
"I think I wanna see that," I continued to tickle him until he was
breathing so unregularly that I felt it would be better to stop.
"At least... you're.. back.. to... normal...I suppose," Kevin said,
with long gaps and breathing between the words.
Georg hugged me again, and then all of a sudden he walked out of the
room.
I looked at Kevin and he looked at me. Daniel aswell looked at me,
quite puzzled.
Suddenly we heard a slap and how Jens squeaked.
"You fucking gay bastard, what was that for!" we heard him say.
"You know what it was for, and Jens my man, you'll taste now how a gay
man beats the shit out of you!"
Kevin and I both looked in a frenzy to each other and rushed out to the
living room, where we saw Georg holding Jens by the collar with the
left hand getting ready for his first blow.
"STOP IT!" I shouted.
Georg looked over to me, his face full of hatred, "He deserves it
Kaneda, you know he does!"
"No! I don't want you to steep down to his level Georg, you're far
better than him, look... let him live in his little hateful world," I
said.
Georg was still holding him and his other hand was clenched to a fist.
I was certain that Jens' face would have been reshaped by this special
treatment.
"Come on Georg, let him go.. everything is okay now. I know now who my
friends are and who not.. who gives a fuck about Jens.. or any other
homophobic bastard.. let them be."
Georg looked right into Jens' eyes who ducked and closed his eyes,
thinking he would feel the first blow now. But instead of the blow,
Georg threw him down on the couch and walked over to me.
"Let's go."
Back in our room Kevin was the first one to speak.
"Georg, was cool.. but was not exactly necessary.. I think I had
frightened that moron enough."
"He had cussed Kaneda.. I can't let him get away with it.."
"It was nice of you Georg," I said, giving him a hug.
"What about going out of this place, let's have something to eat in Joe
Penas! I am going to invite you guys!" Kevin said.
I was surprised by all this welcomeness of Kevin, I mean.. I had not
expected him to be this 'happy happy' and 'cheerie cheerie' about the
thing, neither I had expected Jens to be so homophobic. Both of them
had surprised me, the one in a positive and the other in a negative
way. I wanted to know what it was all about for I felt that there was
more behind it then it seemed. But right now was really not the time I
wanted to discuss that out with Kevin, this had time, and I would
certainly ask him later on. Just the same with Daniel, I also needed to
talk with him, and I was sure that he also wanted to talk with me. He
would have to wait aswell I suppose.
"Kevin, I think this suggestion was the best you've ever made.. well
after this apartment of course.." I said grinning at him.
In no time the 4 of us were out of the apartment leaving the one
homophobic idiot and the guy who stirred up all this outing behind us.
It was better like that, I was unable to bear Jens face at the moment,
and I secretly wished that Georg hadn't listened to me and just beat
the shit out of him. I know it was a mean thing to think.. but hell!
The stuff he said was far too heavy for me. I never expected it.
It didn't take us too long to get to this Mexican Restaurant and I
hadn't had mexican food for some time so only thinking about it made me
feel like I could eat everything they have there in the restaurant.
Georg and I we both walked very close to each other, while Daniel and
Kevin were in front of us talking.
The Restaurant was quite packed, but for some odd reason there was
exactly one table for 4 persons vacant. Sometimes I really thought that
this could not be conincidence.. I mean.. we needed a table for 4
persons and got one? Sometimes such stuff is so unlikely but it still
happens. Such things always made me believe in some higher being, in a
good-willed higher being.
"So what are we going to take?"
"Kevin, well, why don't you pick something for all of us?" Georg
suggested.
I looked at Georg making a face that I wanted to order myself and he
just smiled back.
"Okies, will do so."
Kevin ordered the stuff and then he searched his pockets for his
cigarrettes.
"So, since when are you guys actually together? I mean.. I did not
notice a fucking thing!"
"We're together like.. hmm when was it..?"
"We found out in the cinema, we watched 'Blast from the Past' or
something.. and there we found out about each other.. That was like 2
days before we moved into that apartment of yours.. You wanna hear the
full story?" Georg asked.
"Yeah jerk, go for it," Kevin said, exhaling some smoke.
Georg started to tell Kevin our story leaving out some details which we
both knew they wouldn't like to hear, or probably he would not like to
hear. From time to time I butted in and added things he had forgotten.
All in all Georg did a good job.
"Jerks.. I am 100% sure now that you guys belong to each other.. you
both make a real matching couple."
"Thanks Kevin.. well, can I ask you something?"
"Sure jerk, go on..?"
"I just wondered how come that you are so open minded towards people
like us.. I mean, you're like really welcoming it."
"I somehow knew this question would come," Kevin said with a grin,
looking to the roof and making small rings of smoke with his mouth.
"So..?"
"Well.. it has something to do with my past."
"We're listening," Daniel said exstatically, in full anticipation of
the story.
"Hey hey, it's not that exciting Daniel, calm down.. Anyhow..In the 8th
grade of school there was a guy who was transferred to our class. His
parents had moved from some other city to this one here and it was his
first day."
Kevin extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray and continued.
"If I remember correctly it was Physics class, and guys, you can
believe it, that we there simply prayed for some distraction. And just
in the moment when I got so bored that I thought that I might die, the
room to the lab opened with the principle and this young boy in front
of him. Not that we were any older, but well, I still see him as the
young guy."
"What happened to the guy?!" Daniel blurted out. I was somehow shocked
by Daniel's behaviour. It was somewhat childish.. As if his curiosity
was killing him.
"Ssht Daniel, let Kevin continue," I said, giving him a smile. Daniel
quickly smiled back and his eyes got fixed again on Kevin's face.
Kevin grinned and inhaled.
"Well, the principle introduced the kid, his name was Erik, and told us
that from now on he would be in our class. As I looked at Erik I could
tell that he was different. Something was really different with him. I
did not understand what it was in the beginning but later on I
realised. Erik was gay and he did not make any attempt to hide it.
Nearly all his Notebooks were covered with Pictures from guys,
especially a guy from NKOTB seemed to be his favorite.. hey.. does
anybody know who NKOTB is/are?"
"Uh.. New Kids On The Block..?" Georg said, with a slightly puzzled
face.
"Yeah man! Actually they rocked. I was a fan of them too, .. rememeber
their song 'Hanging tough'?"
"Sure we do.. I think every kid liked it back then," I said,
rememebering that I also had liked them.
"Anyhow, Erik knew that he was gay back then.. I mean, hell, puberty
had just started for me then, and this guy was actually very mature, he
exactly knew what he was and what he wanted. Of course back then I did
not understand what made him mature in contrast to me. I was immature
and did not understand too much about anything.
Well, After a couple of weeks 'The Gang' started bullying him. Calling
him names and stuff. Like assfucker, cocksucker and other stuff.. I
think I do not need to go into details," Kevin said.
"Thing is that they after a year of bullying him things got intense.
The whole school knew that he was gay, and some of those guys would
cuss him without knowing him at all. I mean, they did not know how he
was but they would just cuss him cause everyone from 'The Gang' did.
Erik isolated himself, and there was actually noone who would talk or
chat with him, he had no friends, nobody would sit next to him or
anything. The whole time long I was not any better, and I myself never
treated him any better. I mean... well.. I was an idiot aswell."
Kevin searched his pockets again for a cigeratte and lit it.
"In 10th grade we had a one weeks trip to a little town in Bavaria. And
there on this trip things escalated. All the guys were running after
chicks and doing the usual stuff, Erik wouldn't participate, which was
natural for him. But one day on that trip, " he stopped and inhaled a
huge amount from his cig, "things escalated. Some guy accused him of
making an attempt on him in the shower. I still don't believe that it
was a right accusation, I mean.. I did not know Erik too much but it
seemed ridiculous that he would make an approach or any sexual attempt
to those homophobic idiots. The result was, that the guys gathered and
beated the shit out of him in the shower. He was naked and they beated
him without any mercy," Kevin said with somewhat shaky voice," I mean..
that guy was helpless.. I was standing there watching, I did not do
anything to stop them. Kaneda.. I cannot forget how he looked after
they were done with him. His face was full of bruises, his thighs were
black, his stomach also, his arms were bleeding as was his nose and
mouth. His .. his.. dick was swollen.. I mean they even kicked his
balls.."
Kevin paused again and I felt as if he was trying to compose himself.
"The teachers had found out for heavens sake pretty early, but Erik's
condition was very bad. They called an emergency helicopter which took
him to a hospital. This was the last day I had seen Erik. And this was
the first day I felt endless guilty. I felt guilty for not helping him
or stopping the others from beating him. Our teacher informed us that
Erik's parents had decided to transfer him to another school. We were
scolded for several weeks. The principal had assigned every one of us
extra hours of 'Ethics'. Well whatever, I do not want to talk about the
punishment we received. That was and is rather unimportant. What I
realised was, that I was a spineless chicken. I had decided to go along
with the masses and in this way contributing to the beating. I realised
how wrong my behaviour was and I vowed myself that I wouldn't ever let
such a thing happen again. Neither physically nor psychologically."
I was baffled by this story and quite speechless. I felt bad for Erik
and I felt hate for those guys who had beaten him. What was wrong with
this world? Why would such stuff happen? How could people be so cruel..
How was it possible for a human being to develop so much irrational
hatred to nearly kill somebody else?
Kevin extinguished the cigarrette and looked at us.
"Well.. I know, I was a chicken."
"No man, you couldn't have done too much, you were one kid against so
many.."
"No Daniel, you cannot see it that way,.. If I had just the guts to
lift my voice, probably others would have followed. I think that there
must have been others who felt like me.. But all of us .. we all were
too afraid of what would happen to us.. that they would start bashing
us I suppose.. so I was a coward back then.."
Daniel remained silent. It seemed that he did not know what to say on
that.
"Kevin whatever, listen, you're a good guy okay? And you've shown your
golden heart to us, to me," I said, patting his shoulder.
"..."
"Common man... let's have some fun.. how's Sabina doing?"
Kevin's face lit up at her name. "She's fine. She's preparing for some
sort of intermediate exam so she is a bit busy today and we cannot
meet. And she hates it when a bunch of guys either watch X-Files or
Soccer with their cans of beer in their hands."
The 4 of us laughed and in that moment the waiter came with our dinner.
The food was excellent and after another hour chatting we decided to
return home.
There was no light turned on in the apartment. Kevin looked at me, then
turned around and he switched on the light. The living room was
deserted and the cans of beer and all the stuff were lying around.
Kevin decided to check out Yilmaz and Daniel's room. He knocked and
then opened the door.
"Yilmaz, where's Jens?"
"Dunno."
He shut the door behind him and made a "who-cares" gesture. As I looked
at the clock I realised that it was already 11.30pm and we had some
classes pretty early the next day.
"Kevin, I think we will hit the sack."
"Sure, I am tired myself," he said and went into his room.
Georg and I we walked into our room and Daniel was following us.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure you can Dan,"
He shut the door behind himself and before I could say something he ran
over and hugged me so hard that I was unable to breath.
"Wow wow.. stop it Dan, I cant breath anymore.."
"Thanks Kaneda.. you're a true friend man, you really are.. I love you
man,"
I took his last sentence in a friendly way and just smiled at him.
"No Problem."
"Oh man, and it was all my fault, you know I am so sorry, I should have
been more careful! And Georg, I also wanna apologise to you cause
because of me you got outed.. I am really sorry," he said going over to
him.
"It's okay Daniel, I mean no big deal."
"Daniel, you can decide yourself what you wanna do, I mean you're
covered by us now, you don't have any reason to out yourself if you
dont want to."
"Yeah Kaneda, all thanks to you.. and to you too Georg. Georg.. you're
really not angry with me?"
"No man, I am not," he said, holding me from behind and wrapping his
arms around me, "It's all cool. I've my man.. all we need to do now is
to get you a decent guy."
The 3 of us started to laugh for a while.
"Okay, I dont want to disturb you further,.. so I'll leave.. good
night!"
He turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind
himself.
"What a day!" I shouted.
"Yeah.. "
"Georg, " I said, turning around and kissing him softly on his tender
lips, "I love you so much.. I am happy to have you, you're my hero."
"No man, you are -my- hero and I think Daniel's too," he said with a
serious voice," you protected both of us from being exposed.."
"You would have done the same.."
"..the same? I was in the same situation man, and I didn't have the
guts," Georg said and sat down on the carpet, holding his hands in
front of his face.
I couldn't see him feeling guilty. Wasn't everything over anyhow? I was
fine, he was fine.. everything was fine, wasn't it? I slowly lowered
myself and wrapped my arms in a soft movement around him.
"Why don't we forget it Georg.. everything is alright now."
He didn't respond. I could feel, see and sense that Georg was feeling
bad for his lack of actions earlier. Even if I was angry with him, I
could not stay angry with him. Who could have been angry with him
anyhow?
I cuddled up to him and hold him tighter to myself. He slowly began to
move and turned around. I would never forget the look on his face he
had that time. He looked up to me with his watered blue eyes and a tear
ran down his cheek. The emotions on his face were saying more than
words could express. He did not need to say anything. God, this guy was
torturing himself.. and he was doing that because of me.. because he
was feeling guilty. I wiped the tear off of his face and ran my hand
trough his hair. Georg placed his head on my chest and closed his eyes
while I kept stroking his hair.
"I am sorry Kaneda," he said sobbingly.
"Don't be man,.. I hope you know that I am not angry or upset with
you," I said and rested my head on his shoulder. "I just love you.. I
love you without any limits."
"I love you more than my life.. and I will never be such a coward
again.. I swear.."
"ssht Georg.. you aren't a coward.. you're the greatest guy I know..
ssht.. let's forget about that."
We must have been sitting there for a couple of hourse I suppose.. I
was not really noticing how time went by. I had all I wanted. I had
this guy, my lover, my soulmate, resting his head on my chest and  I
was stroking his soft hair gently. What else did I need to happy?


Daniel was so happy to have Kaneda as a friend. He really was. Daniel
knew that he was unable to cope with it and apparently Kaneda also knew
about it. That's why he had stepped in front to protect him. Daniel
felt like that he owed Kaneda a lot.
Thinking about what happened the day, Daniel stepped into his room,
seeing Kevin in the process of changing clothes. He was wearing only
his boxers and his lightly haired and greatly defined chest and legs
were exposed.
"Hey jerk, what a day.. would you have ever thought that Kaneda and
Georg are a couple??"
"No man.. it's a surprise to me too," Daniel said, grinning. Daniel
liked what he was seeing and apparently his lower body also responded,
so he quickly went over to the bed and sat down, trying to cover his
crotch somehow.
"Yeah.. but well, they're both cool, I like them a lot.. now don't get
me wrong," Kevin said, "but if you look closely at them, you can see
how much they love each other." He grinned over to Daniel and then
stepped out of his boxers. Kevin walked trough the room to his drawer,
looking for his sweats. Daniel caught a few glimpses at Kevin's uncut
dick which aroused him even more and made him feel very uncomfortable.
"Anyhow," he said and turned around, "you know, actually they dont know
what they're missing putting this," Kevin held his dick in his right
hand," into a nice and wet pussy, harhar," he barked. Daniel looked at
him slightly confused and at the moment there was a noticeable bulge in
his pants so he twisted around a bit, put a hand in his pants and
pressed his dick down under his tigh.
"Yeah man, nothing goes over a good pussy!" Daniel blurted out, without
thinking.
"Yeah, but well.. I am happy that they're happy.. that's what counts,"
Kevin said and slipped into his jogging pants, walking over to his bed
with his back to Daniel.
This was the second Daniel seized and he got up, with a full erection,
grabbing his shorts from the chair walking straight to the door.
"Going to the toilet,"
"Yeah jerk.. have a nice dump, turn off the light when you're out."
He went to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. Standing
there for some seconds, exhaling. His dick was still hard and he gently
started to massage it. That was feeling really good. He walked over to
the mirror and started to undress himself slowly. Daniel took off the
sweat-shirt he was wearing and after that the T-Shirt underneath.
Standing in front of the mirror he examined his nearly smooth chest and
pecs. He liked the build he had, and he was quite happy that he was not
having too much hair on his upper body. Not that it disturbed him
having hair on his body. He just thought that one could not see the
outlines of his muscles so clearly with hair. He continued looking at
himself and wondered if he was handsome. He looked into his blue eyes
trying to figure out if there was anything special to them. The
combination of brown hair and blue eyes looked quite good with him, and
his edgy chin was accented by them. Daniel himself did not realise that
he was looking good. He always thought he looked average or below
average. The only part of his body he really liked was his chest.. it
was quite defined, not as defined as Georg's was, but sufficient for
him to like and to be proud of it. Daniel continued to stand there for
some seconds looking at himself bare-chested, with his trousers on. His
mind started to wonder if he should change his outfit, his style; he
had been skating for ages now, but recently he wasn't skating that
often anymore and was only wearing skaterclothes. He was far too busy
with studies and himself, there was nobody he wanted to impress with it
anyhow, he did it for himself, it made fun. He wondered how he would
look like in different clothes, and not those baggy pants with the
keychains he was always wearing. Maybe he should exchange his Vans with
a pair of leather shoes? His skater outfit with a suit? 'No no' he
thought and smiled to himself. Daniel started to make some wild
gestures in front of the mirror for the sake of it and it made fun for
some seconds somehow. Actually one shouldn't get Daniel wrong. He
wasn't the narcistic type of guy, he was simply wondering if there
would be any guy who would like him.. who would like his looks. Kaneda
had apparently chosen someone else over him.. well.. But Kaneda wasn't
everybody, was he?
Deep in these thoughts he started to undress himself completely and
soon he was standing only in his boxers. He took them also off,
revealing his well sized cock. He noticed that he had leaked a bit and
that the head of his dick was wet from precum. Kevin's body aroused
Daniel and he always felt bad for feeling that way.
He grabbed the shorts and stepped into them, getting back to his room,
finding the light on and Kevin kneeling in front of his bed looking for
something.
"Thought you wanted to sleep.. what are you doing? Looking for monsters
under your bed?"
Kevin grinned, "No jerk, looking for your ass there. Seriously. I am
looking for that little thing Sabina gave me as a present. I lost it.
Damnit. She will kill me. Uhm.. nice body.. and you only skate?"
"Yeah, why.. do you think one doesn't get a body like that when one
skates?"
"No man, never thought about it.. but that it can define bodies this
way.. who would have believed that."
"You're quite an ignorant Kevin," Daniel said, grinning at him. He
walked over to his chair, grabbed the T-shirt and put it on.
"I am deadly tired. Just turn off the light when you're done searching
for your 'thing', okay?" Daniel said laughingly.
"Shut up jerk!" Kevin laughed back.


Yilmaz was sitting in his room. Alone. He was wearing only his red
shorts with the white crescent on it. It did not affect him too much
what had happened earlier but he surely knew that Jens had exagerated.
Yilmaz started to play with his golden chain and thought about Kaneda..
he would have never thought that Kaneda was gay.. No.. and that Georg
was gay.. How could that be. He hadn't noticed it at all. He actually
thought that it was Daniel who was gay. But he was wrong as it seemed.
Or was there more to it.
How could it be that Kaneda was gay? What was so special about men. Why
did he like to sleep with men? What's so interesting in having sex with
men? Can't he just jack off Yilmaz thought? If he needs to see a dick
why doesn't he look at his own?
Yilmaz tried to understand the reasoning behind why one would like to
have sex with men. It was illogic to him. He did not understand.


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