Date: Thu, 24 Sep 2015 16:41:58 +0100
From: Sam Bam <mansambambam@gmail.com>
Subject: Angsty Alexander - Sophomore spring 9

Please consider donating to nifty http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

I wake feeling groggy. Peter is still on my chest, arms tightly round me. I
kiss the top of his head and he snuggles in more, wrapping his leg around
me. I stroke his back and continue to kiss him lightly.

"More kisses." Peter mumbles and looks up at me sleepily.

I comply with his wishes and kiss him more, just light brushes. He wriggles
against me a little and kisses my chest. I run my hand down his back to his
ass and just lightly caress his cheeks. He moves my hand round his waist
under his and makes me squeeze him tighter.

We cuddle without talking for a good while as we begin to feel more
human. I start trying to be more passionate but Peter slows it down.

"Did you have a fun night?" I ask.

"Mmm watching you dancing all sexy and shirtless is always a great time."
Peter says.

"You looked amazing too, I love how you move. Have you much to do today?" I
ask.

"No, want to go to a movie or something?" Peter asks.

"I want you." I say kissing him again.

"Come on let's go out and have a fun date day." Peter says.

"That sounds like my line." I say.

"Yeah, but I can want a romantic day sometimes." Peter says.

"Sounds good baby." I say and kiss him lots more.  It's a nice day, so we
decide to head to the arboretum. We have a nice time walking round pretty
aimlessly looking at the plants and trees. It's nice just holding hands and
chatting.

We head to a coffee place once we tire of the plants. We sit outside and
Peter looks so hot. I remember that wash of guilt and realization I had
last night.

"I'm really lucky to have you. Just need you to know that, I know I've been
a bit hot and cold about us getting back together. I'm really sorry about
that. I spent so long concentrating on the bad stuff that I forgot just how
amazing you are and how lucky I am that you ever looked my way at all." I
say.

We're holding hands under the table and Peter squeezes my hand tighter.

"I just need you to feel secure with me, we're not in this in an unequal
way. I think you're incredible and I can't believe you want me. I've been
shit, making you feel like you had to prove something when you're going
through so much. I'm sorry." I say trying to explain and not getting it
right.

"Baby you haven't made me feel bad. You were right to be wary. I got it so
wrong last time and I really hurt you. Right now I'm happy. Really happy. I
know we need to take things a bit slowly and I'm finding it hard to do
that. When we got together the first time you'd held me off for so long
that we knew each other inside out by the time we finally made it
official. I know we've both changed since we've been apart and we need to,
I don't know, reconnect." Peter says.

"You tell me you love me five times a day, you're zooming." I say.

"I said I was finding it hard to go slowly." Peter laughs.  , "You're right
about reconnecting. I know you're not ready but you probably need to tell
me what happened with Aaron at some point. I feel like we've got a black
hole. Worse than last summer as at least we spoke most days then." I say.

"I don't want to revisit the past. We never talked about your past
before. I mean I knew some of the basics but only from what I'd read, not
from you. Even when you did tell me personally, I was just an observer
along with everyone else." Peter says quietly.

"I didn't know it bothered you, you never really asked me about it." I say.

"It didn't bother me as such. I didn't talk about my past much either. I'd
like you to be my future and I know this is too much, too fast, given it's
only been two weeks since you told me you'd take me back but it's
true. I've dreamed of this for months and us together is all I want, for as
long as you'll have me." Peter says.

"You might get fed up with me." I laugh.

"Never baby." Peter says.

"You did before." I say quietly, kicking myself the minute it's out my
mouth.

Peter looks at me shocked, hurt.

"I'm sorry. You're right we should concentrate on the future. Sorry for
spoiling things." I say.

Peter squeezes my hand again but doesn't say anything.  I know I've just
kicked him in the teeth and I don't know how to make it right. We were
doing so well, getting closer. I'm such a fuck up.

"I'm sorry baby, please tell me how to make you feel better." I say.

He just looks back at me sadly.

"Shall we go to that movie or should we head back?" I ask.

"A movie would be nice." Peter says still very subdued.

We head towards the car, after a few minutes Peter stops and pulls me into
a tight hug.

"Give me a clean slate baby. That's all I need." Peter whispers so softly
in my ear.

I nod and we walk on to the car in silence. Once we're sat down I move my
hand to his jaw and move his face to mine and kiss him. I don't know if
it's enough to show him I care. A second kiss makes him relax a little and
he strokes my face.

In the movie theatre it's pretty quiet as we've chosen a film that has been
out a few weeks. As the previews play I lean my head on his chest and he
puts his arm around me. Hopefully the ice has thawed. I run my hand over
his stomach under his sweater and he kisses my head. I move my hand lower
and he moves it away.

"Not here baby, too much hassle if you get seen. I'm sure people are taking
pictures of you." Peter says and I reluctantly move my hand away.

The movie is fun and puts us both in a better mood.

"Want to go for dinner?" I ask as the credits roll.

"Let's just get something to have at home. I want some serious snuggle
time." Peter says with a grin.

"Sounds great baby." I say with a laugh.

Our stomachs full we head up to our room to lie down.

"I seriously missed affection these past 3 months." Peter says.

"I'd have been down to hug ever day if you didn't keep running off." I say.

"I lived for our classes together when you got back. That was just so crazy
sitting close to you and holding my breath that you might touch me a
little." Peter says.

"And I did, every damn chance I got. I loved it too. I missed you like
crazy. I was so worried you'd tell me to fuck off and sit elsewhere." I
say.

"I never would. I regretted our fight straight away I was so mean, you were
so mean." Peter says.

"Clean slate. We're both sorry. We were both hurt. We're both in this
because we want to be." I say.

"Clean slate. Fuck going slow. I don't want to hide anything. I love you
baby. I'm all yours." Peter shouts.

"You're crazy." I say. "My crazy man."

We make out all evening. It is so nice, so low key, so comfy. It really
feels like an entirely different Peter at times. He was always way more sex
focused than I was. I understand he's been through a lot with Aaron and he
needs to go at his own pace. I wonder if being with Brian and Felix on
spring break was different, didn't count for him somehow.

"On spring break did you enjoy fucking the guys?" I ask curious to know if
he had wanted it or done it because it was expected or to prove something
to me.

"Is this your way of asking why are we not having sex yet?" Peter asks.

I shrug and then nod.

"I hadn't had time to sort my feelings out on break. I was pretty numb and
wanted to feel and you were still pushing me away so I used the nearest
willing guys. Now my head is clear and I need to go slowly with you
physically, just as you're going slowly emotionally." Peter says.

"Okay as long as it's not me." I say.

"It's not you. I think I get it now, why you don't talk about your
past. It's not just because it's upsetting, you don't want to be the guy
that all that happened to." Peter says.

"Yeah, being the poor kid whose mom was murdered sucks. You all thought of
me that day when you found out who I was. I'd made loads of movies and yet
that is the most memorable thing about me. Also I want my main memories of
my parents to be happy ones. I want to remember the summer before high
school camping and fishing with my dad not his last months. I want to
remember my mom as the kick ass producer not murder victim." I say.

"Maybe you could tell me more about those times. We both don't like to
share our pasts because of bad stuff, sharing fun stories sounds like a
really good idea. I'd like to remember my time on swim team as a successful
athlete not as what lead to my first lot of blackmail." Peter says.

"I want to see more pictures of you in speedos. We should swim together
more too." I say.

"That sounds good. Did you ever play water polo?" Peter asks.

"Yes I loved it but never let myself play in matches. What are you
thinking?" I ask.

"Maybe we could form a team next semester. I bet Harry would play." Peter
says.

"Sounds great." I say.

"But for now we'll swim more. One day we'll have a house with a pool."
Peter says.

"Max has a great pool. I really enjoyed a lot of naked swimming over winter
break." I say.

"Uh wait I thought you and Max were just friends then." Peter says.

"Friends who swam naked." I say.

"Damn I should have been there." Peter says.

"Next time." I say.

"I don't somehow think he'd like me hanging round." Peter says.

"I think he'd fucking love being fucked by us both." I say.

"I don't know how I'd feel about fucking a movie star." Peter says.

I just look at him bemused. He doesn't catch on. He looks at me confused.

"Am I not big enough star for you?" I finally ask and he explodes with
laughter.

"Mission accomplished. You really are incognito here, you are just
Alexander to me, fellow student with a hot body." Peter says running his
hands over me.

We lie back telling each other fun stories from our past. We make out a
little more and relax together.

The week passes by, we study together a lot, work out and swim. The weather
is better so we bike to school again most days. My body feels really
good. Peter's feels good too held against mine. I let him take the lead in
bed entirely, he initiates a lot less than I'd like and usually we're just
jerking or grinding, not even much head. I have to be patient with him, he
was with me and it's not his fault my libido is a lot, lot higher than it
was when we were together before.

I can't push him, it's only been a couple of weeks and I cannot begin to
understand how difficult being in a coerced relationship with Aaron was for
him.

At the weekend Peter heads off for a bike ride with Jamie and Brian and I
spend time with Eric putting the final touches to our plays for the
festival this week. It'll be a lot lower key for us than last year with no
Blair coming and no worries about the guy's prizes.

"How's it going with Harry?" I ask Eric once we're finished for the
morning.

"Okay, he's a lot clingier than I expected. I have to stay late a lot to
practice or rehearse, you know what it's like for my course and he often
comes to meet me to go home together or for dinner or whatever but gets
annoyed if we run late. I wish he'd just use the time to hang out with
other people or on hobbies and not waiting for me." Eric says.

"Sounds like you're not that in to him." I say.

"Maybe. I don't know. I like him, he's so fucking hot. But it's almost like
being back with Aaron, he's not that controlling but at times I feel like
he's getting there." Eric says.

"Arrrrgh, you know how a few weeks ago Blondie and Brian seemed to just fit
and now they're over. You two seemed to just fit too. But now you seem to
be seeing as much of Brian as you are Harry. Is that why things aren't
going well?" I ask.

"Brian and I are just friends. Honestly we've avoided each other for a
while and we're enjoying reconnecting. Yeah it's not helping with Harry's
jealousy. You know when I was fooling around with Bobbie Harry was so calm
and patient with us but he's not being like that with me and I'm really not
doing anything with anyone else. He has no reason to not trust me." Eric
sighs.

"Well Jamie's room is free for a couple more weeks if you need some space,
or the apartment." I say.

"Thanks. How's it going with Peter?" Eric asks.

"Pretty good. I'm still a bit unsure that it's the right thing to be
doing. I think we're both holding back in our own ways. I am excited to be
back with him, he's so hot and smart and I doubt I could ever find anyone
who gets me the way he does." I say.

"So why are you holding back?" Eric asks.

"I suspect we're at an impasse. He doesn't want to have full sex and I'm
not saying what he wants to hear." I say.

"It's only been a couple of weeks. Give him time. I take it he's giving you
time too?" Eric asks.

"Yeah we've talked some and we know where we are. I'm just a bit impatient
and worried, so many of our problems last time round were due to sex." I
say.

"Your problems last time were communication. He's changed, you've changed,
I really think the two of you can work this time. He really cares about you
and I don't know anyone as smart as you two and that is saying something at
this school. You have so much in common and spend time apart like now with
no issue. Harry has texted 5 times already and we're only 1 floor apart."
Eric says sighing.

"Jay drove me mad with intraday texts. Maybe you should set up him and
Harry." I joke.

"If Jay wasn't going to California I might. Oh hell I'm not even a tiny bit
jealous at the thought of Harry and Jay getting together. Shit." Eric says.

"Do you know what you're doing this summer now?" I ask.

"Well the tour has fallen through so that dilemma is over thank goodness. I
am going to be helping with a high school summer intensive here. Blair
fully approves, as I'll get to meet everyone who comes in to take the
masterclasses. My mom approves as it's a good thing for my resume when I
need a normal job. I can live here, right?" Eric asks.

"Sorry about the tour, I hoped you'd get it and your mom would come
round. Of course you can live here. Jamie will be here too. Maybe Barley
and Patrick too. I need to catch up with them about the apartment." I say.

"They broke up." Eric says.

"What the fuck? No way. They were practically married." I say.

"I can't believe you didn't know." Eric says.

"I guess that's why Barley never answers my messages. How did you find
out?" I ask.

"I ran into Patrick recently and he told me." Eric says.

"Shit, are they okay?" I ask.

"He is, running round with every guy he can and loving it." Eric says.

"Fuck. I'll message Barley now." I say.

A few minutes later he sends a series of replies.

"Wow sounds like Patrick was a total prick. Applied for grad schools across
country without telling Barley and accepting, turning down the job here and
everything. Told Barley as they'd be splitting in a month or so they might
as well cut things short. He's been bringing guys back to their place and
being a real shit." I say.

"Fuck. Where is he going to live?" Eric asks.

"With a friend from his charity job, they have a spare room and he's moving
in there." I say.

"So Jamie and Felix will take the apartment?" Eric asks.

"Yes. I guess so. I can't say I'm unhappy at not having Felix in the
house. We're getting on great right now and I'd like to keep it that way."
I say.

"I didn't want to say anything, but I agree. I love Felix but he can be
such a bitch. To be fair not so much now he's with Jamie but I'm still
scared of him sometimes." Eric says.

"Why didn't Harry go with the guys today?" I ask.

"Homework, he's a few big projects due and working flat out this weekend."
Eric says.

"You best not dump him til he's done." I joke.

"I wouldn't." Eric says.

"Do you see anything of Bobbie?" I ask.

"No, totally off radar. I miss him." Eric says.

"Me too. I think our pieces will go okay. Let's just have fun with it." I
say.

"Fun? They're fucking emotional. We're going to be wrecked." Eric laughs.

We hear the guys come in upstairs and Peter calls for us to join them for
lunch.

"You look all hot and adorable." I tell Peter as I kiss his nose.

"We did miles it was really fun, super sweaty need a shower but food is hot
so let's eat." Peter says.

"Jamie the apartment is yours whenever. I don't know if you want to move in
there or here for the summer. But you and Felix can have it." I say.

"You're amazing. Felix is on his way, I can't wait to tell him." Jamie says
with a big grin on his face.

"Are you two all done?" Harry asks.

"Yeah we did good. Shows on Monday and Tuesday." I say.

"And maybe Saturday." Eric says.

I laugh at his optimism.

"Have you got summer plans Harry?" I ask.

"I'm hoping to get a job here, I know I'm too late for internships but I
was waiting on Eric's decision. If not I'll go home and see if I can
lifeguard somewhere." Harry says.  "Do you fancy doing water polo next
semester? There is a student league. Me and Alexander think we should get a
team together." Peter says.

"Sounds great. I'd love to." Harry says.

Eric looks at me with a surprised look.

"Me too." Jamie says.

"Cool, think about who else to ask. We'll see if we can get some pool time
this semester to see if we gel." Peter says.

After lunch Peter and I head upstairs for some much needed alone time. We
both have work to do but for once I'm happy to put mine off until tomorrow.

"Come here sexy." I say pulling Peter towards the bed.

"Please let me shower I feel gross." Peter says.

I pout.

"Come help me." Peter says.

"I need some you time." I say in the shower.

Peter smiles and soaps me up. I wash him too. We spend a long time just
washing each other head to toe and back again. He grabs my ass and holds me
close.

"No more clothes today." Peter says.

"Sounds perfect." I say.

We dry each other and lie down, I lie on Peter's chest for a change.

"I like this." Peter says.

"Me too. Though I feel like I should be massaging your legs or something."
I say.

"Am I stopping you?" Peter asks.

"Turn over then." I say.

"Nah I like holding you like this." Peter says.

"Did you have fun?" I ask.

"It was good to spend time with Brian and Jamie. I'm kind of sad I won't be
here with them this summer." Peter says.

"But your trip will be cool." I say.

"Yeah I know. I want to be able to see you more than last summer and I
can't if I'm working." Peter says.

"Yeah I cannot do last summer again. I'm sorry babe but there is no way I'd
be able to stay faithful for months again." I blurt out without much
thought.

"Wow. You're already ready to cheat?" Peter says.

"No, not if we don't agree. But it's not like last summer is it, we'll not
be months and months into a serious relationship. We'll be 6 weeks in and
nothing like as committed." I say.

"I am fully committed. I know you're not in the same place but surely you
will be by summer." Peter says.

"Look if we're seeing each other every few weeks it's not going to be a
problem. If you were here all summer and I didn't see you for a month or
so." I say grumpily. Mad at myself for bringing it up. For saying anything
at all.

"Are you going elsewhere already?" Peter asks.

I get up and start to get dressed.

"Are you?" Peter shouts.



Thanks for reading. Send any thoughts to the email above or via
mansambam.tumblr.com thanks for all the feedback so far.