Date: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 17:24:32 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ben's Fantasy, Ch. 23

This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,
beliefs, and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it might
not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times
between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If you
are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind
if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, - -
ENJOY!

 Cast of characters:

 Ben Hastings -- That's me!

Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad

Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.

Reyna -- My Best Friend

Ranj Kumar-- Another friend

Jared -- A football whore.

Sargeant Shipley -- High School Friend

Rex Majors -- Ranj's roommate.

Everett Majors - Rex's younger brother

Mick and Mack Majors - The twins

Kirby and Wyatt -- the youngest Majors

From Chapter 22:

The damn broke and I started blubbering like a baby -- as quiet as I
could.  I felt so ashamed and humiliated.  "It's okay, sweetheart."
My mom said.

"A man's not supposed to - "  I started.

"Baloney!"  said my dad.  "Besides you aren't really a man for at
least a couple months!"

I put my head on my moms breast, and cried.  And then my dad did
something that blew me away.  He scooted closer and sandwiched me between
them.  I started to gasp big sobs.  "We learned we should have been
doing this a long time ago, Benny!"  Said Dad.  "I hope it's not too
late."

I turned and hugged my dad.  It was kind of embarrassing since he always
slept nude.  But it felt good.  I couldn't remember the last time I
hugged my own dad.

"You're gonna be fine, Ben -- just fine!"  Said dad.

"Let's try to sleep."  Mom said.

I fell asleep almost immediately, still sobbing like a 5 year old.

Chapter 23:

"It's okay, Ben, Wake up!"  I heard my dad's voice as if echoing
through a narrow canyon.

I was so sure that I was in bed with Ranj!  I had just told him that I
loved him, but that I could not do this any more.  He reacted violently
and started to beat on me.  I tried to get away, but was stuck between
two objects.  Upon waking further I recognized the two objects as Mom and
Dad.

"What's wrong, Dear?"  Mom said.

"Bad dream.  I think I wanna go back to my own bed."

"Okay. You sure?"

"How -- I mean, what time is it?"

"1:16."

"Wha - ?  I only came in here after 1:00!"  I exclaimed.

"You've only been asleep less than two minutes."  Said my dad.  "So
you think you're okay - - now?"

"What was the dream about?"

I dunno,"  I lied, "I felt trapped.  What did I say?"

"Nothing.  Only mumbling."

I got up and said, "Thanks.  I really liked -- what you did --
tonight."  I again pounced on them and hugged them together!  "I love
you!"

"And we love you, Benny!"  Said my dad.

I climbed into my bed.  "What happened?"  Whispered the voice behind
me.

"Jeez!  You trying to make me pee my bed?  What're you doing here?"  I
whispered back.

"I just wanted to continue where we couldn't when we left off earlier.
I heard you scream, and then muffled conversation.  What happened?"

"I had a bad dream.  Again, why exactly are you -- I thought we
discussed this.  You were going to stay - "

"Shhh!  I still have a key to your house.  I let myself in!"

"Wha - - ??!!"  I turned and behind me was Jared, grinning like a
Cheshire cat.  His grin disappeared when he recognized me.

"Ben!"  He exclaimed.

"Who were you expecting?  Did you make plans with someone?"

"Well, no, not exactly.  I was hoping - "

"You were hoping to meet my boyfriend?"

"Your boyfriend?"

"I assume we're talking about Everett."  I said, trying to be serious,
but feeling the levity in the situation.

"You mean -- but -- I thought --  I guess I was getting -- what?  Mixed
signals?"  He said.

"Mixed signals?"  I said.

"At the airport.  Were you two fighting?  I woulda never guessed you
were boyfriends.  I thought he liked me!  And you looked pissed -- for no
reason I could understand -- and then Ev seemed to ignore both of us!
What's -- I mean -- your boyfriend, huh?"

"Who told you that you could call him `Ev'?"

"It just seemed right."

"Ben, when we first met at the airport - - I thought you were maybe even
- - interested in me."

"I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression.  Well, I have to
confess something to you, though."

"What?"

I -- well, mean -- Everett and me?  We weren't boyfriends when we met at
the airport."

"Wha -- at?"

"Jared, I was completely blown away by how good you look.  But then I
noticed you and Everett looking at each other like lovesick doves.  I
expected to hear cooing any second.  He wasn't my boyfriend -- yet, but
we have had some special time together., and - "

"You mean special like you and I have had?"  He said.

"Something like that."  I said.

"Ben, I knew that you'd be back.  But I didn't know you'd be bringing
someone with you.  My heart sunk when I saw him. Then it didn't look
there was anything between you guys at all.  And - "

"Whaddaya mean, you knew I'd be back?"  I said.

"You and Ranj?  I knew that'd never happen."  He said.

"Wha?  How?"

"Oh, jeez!  Ben, he screwed my brains out.  I was in love with him.
Then he found you."

"He what?  No!"  I reacted.  Did you -- um -- do him?"

"Naw.  I'm a total bottom.  When Ranj was through with me -- he just
handed me to his buddies."

"You mean he knew what - "

"I don't think he knew how they abused me."

"Did Ranj ever beat you up?"

"No."  He said.  He saw the obvious hurt in my eyes.  "But I never did
anything to make him, I mean like you - "

"Yeah, I know.  I outed him."

"So did he do anything to you back there?"

"No.  He was out, back there.  But he sorta went wild his first time
away from home -- or at least that's what I thought.  He slept with
whatever and as many as he could get under him.  But now you're telling
me he was doing that here too."

"I didn't want to think so.  I never knew anyone else that he -- um --
did you and he ever screw?"

"That sounds so ugly.  Ranj made love toy me once.  Top, that is. I know
he wanted me to reciprocate, but we never - - I damn sure wanted to."

"Oh!"  He said.  "Have you and Ev - " he started, " -- Everett ever
- "

"I think you better sneak outa here now, Jared."

"So -- you don't think that we could ever - "  He said.

"I don't know about ever, Jared.  I just told you that Everett and I
are - "

"I got that.  But -- do you think he would be in for a threesome?"

I gave Jared "the look".  "No, and I damn sure wouldn't."

"Hey!  Just asking."

"See yah!"  I said, closing the door behind him -- and locked it.

Mom's cooking has agreed with Jared, but -- I gotta keep him away from
Everett!  Well, the boyfriend thing is a good start.  Threesome?  It does
sound tempting, but -- Things could get confusing fast -- I think.

But -- it's too late to be thinking so hard. I went back to bed and was
almost asleep when there was a tapping on my door.

I tried to ignore it, but heard it again.  I dragged myself out of bed
and unlocked the door, opened it and said, "Look, I told you to - -
Ev!"

"Sorry, Ben.  Something woke me up and I went to pee and ran into your
friend Jared in the hall.  Doesn't he -- I mean -- where's he staying?
I thought he didn't live here."

"He doesn't.  He let himself in and came to my room."

"Oh."  Said Everett.  We were still standing at my door, so I pulled
him in.  This requires some explanation.  I went back and sat on my bed
and patted the place next to me.  Everett sat about 1 foot from me,
pouting.

"Ev -- we didn't do anything.

"It's okay if you want - "

"No -- that's just it, Ev.  It's NOT okay!  He wanted a threesome --
with you and me."  I said.  Then it dawned on me.  Everett may want
that.  Isn't it what he has done with his brothers?

"What did you tell him?"  Said Everett.

"No!"  I was trying to think of something to add to that -- to let
Everett know that it is a bad idea -- in my opinion -- when he said,

"Good!"

I looked at him and he had an innocent look on his face.  "So -- you
agree -- that it wouldn't be a good idea -- a threesome, that is?"

"No -- I mean yes!  I agree.  I hardly know him."  Said Everett.

"Oh!"  I said.  "But if you knew him better -- then you might consider
it?"

"I dunno.  It seemed pretty innocent with my brothers, but that was more
like experimenting stuff -- kids playing.  We're all adults."  He said,
looking almost pleased about calling himself an adult.  "That wouldn't
be right -- would it?"

How different am I from a 17-year-old?  Can we justify something like
that because we're still "boys"?

"Ev, I think at this point is has more to do with what we want -- as
adults -- from our relationship.  Yours and mine.  Maybe what we should
ask is -- do we really want something as restrictive as a relationship?
I mean, lots of guys -- and girls -- at this time of their life -- are
out to do as much and as many as they can.  I'm gay.  Can I judge them?
Most of the world thinks I'm a pervert."

"I don't think you're a pervert."  Said Everett, simply.

"I'm not.  But I'm not gonna judge someone else, either.  What I'm
gonna say is -- that's not for me.  Ev, I have to be honest with you.
It gives me a hard on thinking about it.  Thinking about being naked and
in bed with both you and Jared makes me -- want it!  When I first heard
about you and Mick and Mack, it sent a shiver of sexual energy from all
my extremities to my -- dick!"  I shrugged.  "But I don't think it's
-- right -- for me.  It would confuse me -- I think."

"Yeah."  Said Everett, distracted.  His head was somewhere else.  He
snapped back to reality.  "I mean no!  What?  What were we -- oh!
Yeah.  No!  I mean -- When I did things with Mick and Mack -- we all
justified it as an escape from our dad.  It was something we could choose
to do.  There was no choice involved with Daddy."

"That makes sense."  I said.

"Ben, I told you -- I LOVE you.  I choose to be only with you.  I know
the rest of the world thinks that's perverted.  But I don't give a
flying -- you know what!  I think that gay guys -- er -- people -- should
not sleep around any more than straight people should."

"Straight people do -- and they play in groups too."  I reminded him.

"That doesn't make it any more right, does it?"  He asked.  This is
what separates us.  I really think he's still trying to make his own
decisions about these things.  I already have.  I shook my head.
"Yeah," he said, "They do that and then turn and tell us that WE're
perverts!  But we're not - - are we?"

At almost 21, I can't decide for sure how I feel about this one.  I sure
can't expect an 18 year old -- with raging hormones -- to be able to
figure it out -- on his own.

"I dunno, Ev."  He gave me a "HUH?!" look.  "No, really.  Do you
believe in the Holy Bible?"

"Well -- yeah -- I guess."

"Did you go to church?"

"Not much."  He said.  "Momma wanted us to, but Daddy didn't, so she
didn't make us."

"Well, I do believe in the Bible.  And it says some pretty strong things
about homosexuality.  But I don't see those things as any worse than
other things that are condemned.  I mean what's worse, two guys
committed to each other, or a guy who sleeps with a different girl every
time he goes to the bar?  Or a girl or guy who gets paid to sleep with
whomever is willing to pay them?"

Everett looked pensive for a moment.  "So -- you're saying you think
we're evil, but no more than other evil people?"

Well, sort of, but what I'm saying is that there are many others that
are much worse than we are.  But no one is perfect -- I'm sure not!  And
because of this, I can't point my finger at someone and judge them, any
more than they should be judging me.

"I'm confused."  He said.

"Me too, Babe.  But I'm not gonna lose too much sleep over it.  I
happen to also believe that Jesus suffered and died to take away whatever
bad stuff we have.  If we do our best, and treat other people well, and
accept what he has done for us."

"But you still think we are sinning -- I mean when we do homosexual
things?"

"Yeah, I guess, but -- I'm not sure of it.  But I'm confident that a
lot of people are doing much worse.  And I feel good about what we are
doing.  I can't believe it's that bad.  Now - - what your daddy did -
"  He frowned, but I continued.  "THAT was wrong."  He looked
belligerent for a short moment, then softened to a hurt look.

"Did you notice I said what he DID was wrong?  I didn't say he was
bad.  But I do think what he did was bad."

"Did Jesus suffer for him too?"  Everett asked, with a look of pure
innocence and - - hope.

"I think Jesus died for everyone.  But -- some of us will still have to
live with some consequences of what we do -- whether or not we have a
choice in the matter."

"Huh?"

"Well, take David -- the one who killed the giant, Goliath, in the Old
Testament.  He committed adultery -- slept not only with someone who was
not his wife, but also someone married to another guy, Uriah.  Then,
since he was King, he sent that other man into the front lines of battle
where he knew he would be killed.  That was the same as murder -- and it
was done to cover another sin.  The old testament makes plain that even
though David was forgiven, he will never be able to be what he could have
been.  That's a consequence."

"I don't get it."

"I think it has something to do with the murder.  There is nothing that
David could do -- even as king -- to restore Uriah's life.  Also, most
of us -- gay guys -- will ever get to have a family.  Some will -- but
most of us won't.  That's a consequence of being gay.  It's not a
punishment.  It's just a natural consequence.

"Maybe a better example is someone who smokes heavily.  God tells us to
take care of our bodies.  Smoking is obviously harming our bodies.  Those
who smoke probably need forgiveness for harming their body, but God will
forgive them.  But that doesn't relieve them of suffering in this life.
That's a consequence of their choice to smoke when they know it's bad
for them."

"Oh.  I'm tired.  Guess I better get back to bed.  Night."  He said,
and reached for the door.  I reached out and pulled him back.  I hugged
him and kissed him deeply.  Then I looked deeply into his eyes.
"You're gonna be fine, Ev -- just fine!"  He smiled and went to his
bedroom.

I don't know if what I said cleared anything up for Everett.  I'm not
even sure I understand it all myself.  I'm not sure I want to.  If I
fully understand it, then there might be more responsibility.  I'm not
sure I want that.  Maybe I'll ask Dad.  Then again - - maybe not.  I
went back to bed and put it out of my mind and - - went to sleep.

An extremely hot looking guy walked past me.  I stood up and tried to
straighten my hair.  I felt embarrassed in my sleep shorts.  He looked
back at me and smirked.  I wanted to hop back into bed, but it was too
late.   His smile faded and he walked back to me.  He didn't say
anything.  He was the most beautiful man I ever saw.  His skin was
olive.  His hair was blonde and curly, and seemed to fall perfectly in
place -- like he didn't do it -- it just naturally fell perfectly.

I thought -- or hoped -- he would walk 0n by, but he stopped right in
front of me, and turned to face me.  Again he smirked, but it quickly
turned into a seductive smile.  We didn't speak, but he seemed to be
searching for something in my eyes.  His look alternated between
playfully seductive and softly kind.

Then I noticed it.  I don't know why I didn't see it at first, it is so
striking and -- different.  As he peered deeply into my soul, it dawned
on me -- his eyes were blood red.  All of a sudden I felt like screaming,
but nothing came out.  As a matter of fact, I couldn't even move my
face.  I just stood there stupidly staring back at him.  His look and
smell was sweet and sexy, but I perceived treachery hidden somewhere in
his beautiful facade.

Then he seemed to fade -- no shrink -- or something -- away.  Beside him,
a more plain looking man stood.  He had been there all the while, but --
I didn't notice him.  He wasn't anything as striking to look at as the
first guy.  But there was something coming from him.  Not only his eyes,
but his whole body seemed to beckon to me to come to him.  I did.  I
stood directly in front of him.

Again, no words were spoken, but he seemed to still be telling me to
come.  I was already as close as I could be.  No - - I wasn't.  I
gingerly reached one arm toward his shoulder,  He seemed to let me know
it was alright.  I put both arms around him and then he pulled me into
him.  I closed my eyes.

He smelled like -- I dunno -- honest and manly.  I was afraid to open my
eyes, because I felt that He was becoming part of me, and it felt better
than I ever felt.  I was afraid if I opened my eyes I would wake up and
find it was only a dream, and I didn't want to ever leave this guy.


I wanted him to always be part of me.

I don't remember the dream ending -- when I awoke -- as most of my
dreams do.  When I woke up, there was light coming in the bottom of the
shade on my window.  I felt warm -- and tried to remember what it was I
dreamed about.  Everett came into my room.  No -- that was real.  But
after he left, did I lie down?  I couldn't remember.  Then it came back
to me -- first as a feeling.  I wanted to feel the Man again.  But it was
a dream -- wasn't it?  I seemed so real.

It's Saturday morning.  After breakfast, and the little boys were
playing on my old swing set in the back yard, Ev asked me, "Ben -- I
don't ever want you to leave me."  I frowned involuntarily.  He went
on, "I mean that's how I feel right now.  Last night I felt like you
were holding me all night.  I felt warm and secure and -- somehow -- full
-- or something.  It was more like you were part of me -- not just next
to me."

When Everett said that, I immediately felt the feeling again.  "Ev --
I'm not sure -- I mean, how do you know it was me -- holding you -- in
your dream?"

"I just know."

"Did you see me?  Did we talk?"  I asked.

"No.  You just held me."

I decided not to tell him about my dream until I figured it out for
myself.

"What do you think, Ben?"

"Um -- did it feel good?"

"Ohhhh yeah!"

"Then I'd say it WAS good."  I said, noncommittally.  He accepted
that.

Just after a late lunch, there was a knock at the door.  Dad answered
it.  "Ranj!  What brings you here today?  I thought you were in North
Carolina!"

"We had a break in spring training, so I decided to make a quick trip
home."

Everett and I were nearly asleep on each other, watching a movie on TV.
We didn't get up.

"Your parents must be happy about that!"  Mom said.

"They don't know I'm home yet."  Said Ranj.

"Oh!"  Said both Mom and Dad.

"I mostly came to see you guys."

"You mean Ben -- and Everett?"  Dad said.

"N -- not really, Bubba.  And I have to go back Tuesday morning.  I was
hoping that I could come over and watch Monday night football with you."

"Of COURSE you can!"  Dad seemed pleased to be called Bubba by this
young running back.  "Jared is coming too!"

"Who's Jared?"  Asked Ranj.

"A boy that lived with us awhile after being roughed up by some of your
teammates at Cerritos."

"OOooh!  Him.  Yeah,  I remember him.  He used to hang out - "  His
voice trailed off, and he looked like the cat that swallowed a canary.

"Yes.  The back parking lot." Said Dad.  Ranj looked almost sick for a
moment.  Then dad added, "They put up lights back there now."

I dunno if Dad knows that's where I met Ranj or not - - AND Jared.
Anyway, Ranj seemed to remember who Jared is.  He's in for a big
surprise.  "We're watching the game with my dad and Ranj, Monday!"  I
whispered to Everett.  He giggled.  Ranj heard that and then saw us in
the living room.  He made a bee line for us.

"Won't you come in?"  Dad said after Ranj passed him.

"Ben!"  He said, beaming.  "Hi Ev."

"Hello, Ranj."  I said.

"Hey."  Said Everett.  I think Ranj expected one or both of us to get
up and run to his arms.  We didn't.

There was room enough for three on the couch, and Everett and I were
still sitting close.  I moved slightly so there was not quite enough room
for Ranj to sit.  I indicated the chair at the opposite end of the room.

"Sit down."  I said.  I wondered what the real reason was that Ranj
came home so suddenly.  He stayed standing.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Ev."  Said Ranj.

"Yeah, there was no reason to stay in Texas with my brothers all
here."  Said Everett, scooting up close to me again.  I put my arm
around his shoulders.  "And besides, I wanted to be close to my
boyfriend."  Said Everett, smiling, as he lay his head on my shoulder.

"I can see that."  Said Ranj, trying his best to smile genuinely, but
his brows twitching nervously.  He backed out of the room.  "I really
should get home and see my parents.  See you on Monday night, Bubba!  Bye
Mrs. Hastings."

He didn't tell us bye.  I thought he tried to look our way on his way
out, but he quickly escaped.  I felt an ache in my chest.

"I know."  Said Everett.

"What?"  I said."

"It's even sad for me to see him so disappointed."  Said Everett, as
he wiped a little wetness from my cheek with his little finger.  When my
dad walked back into the kitchen, he licked his finger.

"I do love you, Ev."  I said.

Everett clouded up and tears sprang from his eyes.

"What's wrong?"  I asked.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Sorry - that's the first time you said
it to me - - first.  And I know what you mean!  You're not talking about
forever, die for me, love.  You just love me."

"Well, that's almost true."  I said.

"Huh?"

"Ev, I WOULD die for you!"  He looked at me dumbfounded.  "Wouldn't
you risk your life to save me if I was in danger?"  I asked.

"I never gave it any thought.  I mean -- of course!  But -- I guess I
just never thought about it as risking anything."

"I think that's the difference between 18 and 21.  Between 18 and 21, a
guy figures out that he probably isn't gonna live forever and there's
even a small chance that I could die tomorrow."

"Geez!  Do we have to talk about this?"

"Nope.  It just gives things a little more perspective, is all."

"Whattaya mean?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about it."

"I didn't.  Now I -- I dunno.  Dang! You make me think too much
sometimes!  What perspective?"

"Oh, it's like -- um - "  I closed my eyes for a moment.  "If my Mom
died tomorrow, my dad would be devastated.  And rightly so.  He has built
his life around her."

"Yeah?"

"But if I died, you would cry and it would be a big disappointment.  You
love me and I love you.  But in a year or two, I'd be this guy that you
knew a couple of weeks, and you would always regret that you didn't have
time to get to know better."

"But -- but - " Everett's eyes got that trapped look again -- like he
knew and understood exactly what I was saying -- but didn't want to "
-- YOU SUCK!"

"Yes, I do, but SHH!  You don't have to broadcast it to the world!"  I
smirked.

"You know what I mean."  He pouted.

"Yes, I do.  But you see -- a 17-year-old - "

"Almost 18!"

"An `almost 18-year-old' -- can fall in -- and out -- of love every
two weeks."

He leaned back away from me on the couch and stared at me.  "How can you
even stand being around me?  You think I'm a snotty-nosed little kid,
don't you?"  Everett looked so cute!  His lower lip was protruding
about an inch!

"Ev, I'm half kidding!"

"Yeah, but that other half --

"Your little boy quality one the things I like MOST about you -- to me.
I'm learning so much from you!"

"Learning -- from me?  Ha!"  He scolded.

"I AM!  Already, at `almost 21', I had forgotten how to just `be'.
I am always wondering if this or that is okay.  You just are!  You love
me -- unconditionally.  No explanations, no reasoning or qualifications
-- or justifications.  I think that was one of the disadvantages of being
an only child.  I never got to be the little brother.  I had to be the
man too early -- maybe."

"I like -- er -- love you -- just the way you are."  He said, as if
testing the waters.

"And I love you ESPECIALLY the way you are!"  I said.

"That's what I meant!  You're different than anyone else I know.
Whatever that means -- I'm glad!  Maybe you're right.  Maybe I would
look back at us and just be sad that we didn't know each other better.
But I know this: I WANT to get to know you that well -- so well that I
would be devastated if you died -- or left me."

I leaned over and pecked him on his nose.  He screwed his face up and
stuck his tongue out.  "Let's go out for a walk!"  I said.

Everett was up and ready to go before I could think twice.  He pulled me
up and said, "I gotta pee first!"

"Me too."  I followed him into the bathroom.  We both stood at the
toilet and peed together, like a couple of six-year-olds.  When we came
out and headed for the front door, my mom said,

"Where are you two headed?"

"We were gonna go for a walk."  I said.

"Okay."  Mom said.  "Can you watch the boys tonight?  Your dad and I
want to go to a movie."

"I -- guess."  I said.  "Sure -- of course!"  I added.

"Wonderful!  There's hamburger meat in the fridge that you can barbecue
if you want."

Everett and I decided to take a walk before my parents went out.  As we
walked, he took my hand.  I told him no, not in my parents neighborhood.
I felt bad, because I really wanted to.  It was nice in Durham to walk
around the campus like that.  But I also didn't want to offend my
parents' friends.  "Is it always gonna be this way?"  He asked.

"I'm sorry."  I said.

"Oh -- it's okay, really.  If it was my neighborhood, it would be the
same -- only worse.  Dad would skin us alive if we ever got anyone
wondering what goes on in the Majors house!  I was just wondering if it
will ever be okay for two guys to hold hands in public."

"Probably never to some people."  I said.  "But it's done in other
places all over the world, and it's not even thought of as gay.  Maybe
someday.  A lot of people our age don't think twice about it, so
maybe."

Everett stopped.  I stopped and turned around.  He had a faraway look in
his eyes.  "I wonder -- if -- oh never mind."

"What?"  I said.

"It's silly."

"Nothing's too silly, Silly!"  I quipped.

"I dunno -- I just -- I feel so close to you.  It's only been a couple
weeks, but I feel like I wanna be with you forever.  I really do love
you.  I don't think it's just because I'm so young."

"Have you ever loved anyone else?"  I asked.

"No -- not really."

"Whaddaya mean, not really?"

"There was this guy last year that was really nice to me.  I thought I
was in love with him, but he was straight and already dating a lot of
girls -- well, he was going steady with one when he was so nice to me."

"I hope you don't think I'm just being nice to you, Ev."

"That's what I mean.  It was silly."

"It was a crush.  And the fact that he was nice to you encouraged you.
But you and he never - "

"Nothing.  But I sure had fantasies about him."

"You mean - "

"It was hard every time I saw him."

"Why?  Did he know?"

"No, I mean `it' was hard!  It was embarrassing and I always was
worried he would know that I had wood for him."

"The main thing is you and he were never more than friends -- good
friends."

"Naw.  That was all in my head too.  He was nice to everyone."

"Ev, I'm not gonna tell you that what we have is nothing.  I do love
you.  But I've been in love before - "

"Ranj?"

"Yes.  So, I guess I just have a different perspective than you.  And
you're right.  It has nothing to do with your age."

"Do you still love him?"  He asked.

"I -- I -- don't know if I will ever stop loving him."  I said.  This
time it was I who had a faraway look.  I thought of special times in his
bedroom and when he fixed me special meals in his kitchen.

"More than me?"

"Huh?"  I said, brought out of my day dream suddenly.

"Do you love him more than me?"

I didn't want to answer.  So I joked.  "Huh?  YOU love him too?"

"I guess that's a yes."  He said dejectedly.

I looked around.  It was starting to get dark a little, but still anyone
could see us -- if they were interested enough to watch.  I decided that
a hug wasn't like holding hands.  I hugged him.  "Ev, that's not a
fair question -- or comparison.  I have loved Ranj for almost a year.  I
just met you.  And I have made a conscious decision that I can't be
Ranj's -- well, bitch.  So there is no contest when it comes to either
him or you.  I choose you!"

He lay his head on my chest.  For this one reason, I was glad he was
small -- and he sighed.  "Give us time, Ev."  I said.

He squeezed me and said, with a sigh, "Okay."

We walked back home and Mom and Dad were just getting worried they might
be late.  But they weren't.

After they left, I told Everett that I was going to the video store to
get a movie.  "I'll go too!"  He said.  He threatened his twin
brothers with certain death if anything happened to the little boys.  At
15, they could take care of them.

Not having a car myself, I drove Mom's '93 Saturn.  "Wow!  This car
has over 200,000 miles!"  Said Everett.

"Yeah."  I chuckled.

"But it still looks almost new -- and feels like it too!"

"Mom and Dad both take good care of their things. I used to think it was
cool that at my cousin's house, his parents let us jump on the couch.
Mom never would let us do that.  But Dad never made that much money, so
they wanted to keep their stuff nice.  Come to think of it, Uncle Jack
never made all that much either.  And their furniture was a mess.  I
think I like it better to treat things nice and have nice things
longer."

"Yeah -- I suppose."  Said Everett.  "But I still can't believe that
your parents were willing to take five extra boys into their house."

"I guess my dad got a raise or something."  I said.

"But -- they could have gotten a nicer car for your mom -- or maybe a
nicer place -- if they didn't have us."

"Yeah -- I guess you can't call them selfish.  They ARE getting some
money from the county where you lived."

Yeah but -- probably not that much.  I hope that Mick and Mack will
realize and be thankful someday soon."

"You mean they aren't now?"

"Naw.  They just are mad because they had friends in Texas.  They would
rather be home."

"I suppose.  But your dad - "

"You have to realize -- our dad gave us all kinds of special favors --
to keep our mouths shut."

"Oh!"  Do you miss it?"

"He stopped doing me when Mick and Mack started to be -- older.  So --
the favors stopped too.  I was more than ready for it to stop, so I
didn't care.  Mick and Mack aren't tired enough of it yet.  And also I
didn't have someone to -- to console with after -- like they do.  They
might have put up with it for a lot longer.  It wasn't all bad -- at
first.  They probably might even miss it."

"Hmm.  Loss of friends.  Loss of favors.  I kind of understand."

"There's one more thing.  Daddy's dick is huge.  Ours will never be
that big.  It's even bigger than - - Rex's.  I still dream about it and
-- kind of - miss it."

"Didn't it hurt?"  I asked.

"Huh?"

"Didn't it hurt when he -- raped -- you?"

"I never thought of it that way.  I see it now -- but I didn't think of
it as rape then.  And yes it did hurt at first.  But I learned to zone
out when he did that.  And forgot about the pain.  I used to zero in on
the nice things he would say -- while he was doing it."

"I thought he was verbally abusive to - "

"Not while he made love to us."  He said.

Interesting terminology!

We got a couple videos and returned home.  The little boys were playing
in their room and Mick and Mack were playing -- with each other -- in the
living room.

"Guys!  You can't do that in here!"  Scolded their brother.  "What if
Mr. and Mrs. Hastings came home early?"

Mick looked cowed by what his brother said, but Mack said, "I don't
give a fuck if they - "

"You better shut that kind of crap up, before I - "  Said Everett.

"Or you'll what, pansy brother?  Are you gonna spank us -- or maybe
give us a rough fuck like daddy used to - "

Everett wasn't much bigger than his 15-year-old brothers, but his hand
snapped out and he slapped his brother Mack across the face so hard, it
made him bleed.  The way Mack was so feisty a moment before, I expected
him to come back at his brother with his fists.  Instead, he sat down on
the couch. And cried.  "Ev -- why did you do that?"  He sobbed.
"We're brothers aren't we?"

Mick was looking fearful of Everett but soothed his twin brother with his
hand.  Everett stood still with his feet about 15 inches apart and his
hands planted firmly on his hips.  Slowly, both Mick and Mack got up and
came to him.

"Sorry, Evvie."  They both said together.  And they hugged him and went
to their room.

Everett looked at me, standing there with my mouth wide open.  "What?"
He said.

"That was amazing!"  I said.  "How did you do that?"

"We didn't have a perfect family life, but -- we did have discipline.
Mack went over the line.  I had to get his attention."

"Well, you got mine too."

"It's not over."  He said.

"Huh?"  I said.

Everett walked to his brothers' room and knocked.  "Yeah?"  Came two
immature, changing voices.

"Can I come in?"

Not waiting for an answer, Everett opened the door and bade me stop at
the door.  What happened next made me cry.  The twins were on their bed.
Everett offered his hand and they both took it and got up, and stood in
front of them.

"Mick, I'm sorry I had to do that -- but I did have to.  Mack, you know
it too -- huh?"

Mack rubbed his still bleeding cheek and nodded.  "I love you guys more
than life.  You know that too, right?"  They both nodded.  They then
hugged each other close and long.

"Love you too, Evvie."  Both twins said separately.

"We got a neat video.  You wanna watch it with us after dinner?"

"Yeah."

"You up for barbecued hamburgers?"  I smiled -- trying to hide my
tears.

Everett walked back to me looking ever so much more mature, and said,
"You see, we got some things right."

"You did!"  I smiled.

I barbecued about a dozen large hamburgers and the twins and Everett
sliced up tomatoes, pickles, and lettuce, and we each had at least two,
smothered in ketchup and mayonnaise, with about a gallon of milk.  Mom
had a frozen apple pie fresh from an apple farm in the freezer and I took
responsibility to bake it for later.

We watched the first video -- which was appropriate for the little boys
-- and they both fell asleep during the movie.  I was gonna carry them to
their beds, but all three of their brothers protested.  They were gonna
be unhappy if they didn't have some of that pie.  I wondered if all kids
from large families were that close and loving to each other.  As screwed
up as their life was -- with their father's perverseness -- maybe that
made them closer than other siblings would be.

So we woke the little boys up and they were pleased to have pie with
vanilla ice cream with the rest of us.  Between the five of us, we had no
problem polishing off that pie!  With their bellies full, the little boys
were easy to persuade to bed, with no crying for momma.  They`re getting
used to being here.

The second video was not really good for little Kirby and Wyatt, but it
was PG13, and so I felt it was okay for the twins.  It was a movie called
"Get real", an English flick about two prep school guys who fell for
each other.  One was a jock.  The other was tall, skinny and handsome --
but definitely not a jock.

The twins didn't quite get what Everett and I did.  But the jock,
Johnny, was abusive to the other guy, Steve.  It hit home quickly and was
a little uncomfortable for me to watch.  It was kinda hot seeing the
slight love scenes between the two guys.  I rubbed my crotch and smiled
as I noticed every other guy in the room doing the same.

I took a chance and kissed Everett, and that wasn't lost on the twins.
They then began to make out passionately.  "Hey!"  Said Everett.
"Take it in to other room, or just watch the movie.  The Hastings will
be home any time."  They stopped and sheepishly grinned at us.

As the movie was ending, Mom and Dad came home.  "Oh!"  Said Mom,
seeing the last scene.  "We saw that movie.  It reminded us - well, you
know."

"What did you do after the movie?"  I asked, realizing that they were
gone longer than one movie.

"We did some shopping."  Dad said, winking at me.  I took that to mean
they were giving us some extra time alone.  They seemed pleased that we
were not doing anything more than watching a movie.

We all went to bed.  After everything quieted down, I crept into
Everett's room careful not to wake Wyatt and Kirby.  I shook Everett.
"Huh?!"  He started.

"Shh.  It's me.  Wanna come to bed?"  I whispered.

He grabbed me and pulled all of my 175 pounds over on top of him and put
his lips very close to my ear and said, "I'm all over that idea!"  and
licked my ear.  He giggled when my response came from a few feet lower.
Well, both of us actually!

"Umm - " He strained to push me weakly,  " -- but you're gonna have
to get off, if I'm gonna be able to move."

"Ohhh yeaaaaah!  Getting off was exactly what I had in mind!"  I
laughed.

We tiptoed into my room.  Luckily my room -- and the den -- are on
opposite sides of the house from Mom and Dad's room and where Wyatt and
Kirby were bunking.  We didn't have to worry too much about waking
anyone.  Everett said that Mick and Mack slept like the dead, and
besides, it didn't matter if they knew we were doing anything.

We stripped down and attacked each other.  We were both hard as rocks
before we ever got into bed.  His small skinny body felt so good against
my own.  With our genitals in full contact, his face was on my chest.  He
was on top and humped me while sucking on my nipple.  That made me feel
like I was gonna explode immediately - - but I didn't.

After flipping over, with him on the bottom for awhile, I positioned
myself so we could kiss.  From the bottom he humped my tummy and I was
pushing mine between his legs.  There was enough precum to make all this
very easy and slick.  I was about to come to my climax when he stopped
altogether and said, "Ben -- will you make love to me?"

"Isn't that what we're doing?"  I said.

"No -- I mean -- for reals.  I mean -- I want you to put it - - in me -
- tonight."

All of my being said, "YESS!"  But ^Å

Notes:  Any comments are welcome.  Thanks for all your support and love.
Send emails to: stevethomas535@hotmail.com.  Thanks again and -- love,
Steve