Date: Fri, 03 Aug 2007 22:06:06 +0000 From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com> Subject: Ben's fantasy, Ch. 41 This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY! Cast of characters: Ben Hastings -- That's me! Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad Veronica Hastings -- My Mom. Reyna -- My Best Friend Ranj Kumar-- Another friend Jared -- A football whore. Rex Majors -- Ranj's roommate. Everett Majors - Rex's younger brother Mick and Mack Majors - The twins Kirby and Wyatt -- the youngest Majors Etienne Croissant -- Salesman Alan Randall -- Dad's friend Al Randall -- Alan's son. Frank -- Room Service Tony -- Biking guy From Chapter 40: Tony literally ran to the door as soon as he was dressed. "HEY!" Said Al, sternly. Tony stopped in his tracks. "You BETTER kiss your new boyfriend good bye!" Tony turned around and came back and kissed me -- on the lips -- while watching for Al's reaction. "Good job!" Said Al, smiling. As soon as Tony was out the door, Al said, "So -- are we taking him home with us?" Chapter 41 "I can't ask my dad to take in one more mouth to feed." "Who said anything about your dad?" "C'mon -- you don't think your dad will - " "You don't know my dad like I do." "No -- but I do know that he and my dad - - and you -- conspired to try to -- change me." Al looked deeply hurt. "Ben -- that's not fair. I only went along with it because -- because - " "Because your dad twisted your arm." He nodded. "So -- I really don't think he understands at all. I can't imagine he would -- well -- let a queer stay under his roof." Al set his jaw. "He will if I tell him to." "What makes you think - " "Look, my aunt and uncle have taken in -- well -- many queers." "Didn't you tell me their son is one -- and their daughter as well? Besides, what does that have to do with your dad?" "Well, nothing except that he is not new to the idea. That's all. I can at least ask." He seemed to be more trying to convince me. "That is if you want -- if you really care about -- um -- how DO you feel about him?" "I really like him a lot." "Do you love him?" Asked Al. "I -- um -- dunno." "Do you love me?" "Of course, but that's different. You're my -- well -- you're my best friend." "And you know that you love me -- and yet you can't say you love Tony." "Al! I've just met him a couple days ago!" "Well, you sure act like you've known him for ever!" Al yelled. "Er -- sorry. I just - - I'm sorry -- I shouldn't have -- um -- yelled. Anyway -- Red and Everett will be coming over pretty soon. Get your shorts on -- to go surfing." "No." I said. "DAMMIT, Ben! I didn't bring you over here to NOT surf. That's the main reason we came -- remember?" "I thought the main reason was to be together -- to have fun. I love surfing -- but mostly because I have been doing it with you." "Well -- but -- oh!" He was stopped cold. "but you really should go. I don't know if I'll be able to go with you with my wrists screwed up." "And I won't enjoy myself if you're not there." Al just looked at me and said, "You're impossible!" and he grabbed me and hugged me hard -- being careful not to bend his wrists in the wrong way. I pulled my head back so we were nose to nose. I had the strange feeling that he was gonna kiss me. Do all queers think a straight guy wants to kiss him!!?? He didn't. "Thanks!" He said. "I'm not used to someone -- um -- caring about me that much -- except my parents." "Uh-huh. And you think that you have a corner on this caring thing?" I said. "I love you, Al." "Yeah, well 6 months ago I never woulda guessed I'd be saying this to another guy -- but yeah -- I love you too." He said and he looked away in embarrassment. "You guys goin'?" Said Red, poking his head in. "Nope." Said Al. "Wha-at?" "You're gonna let a little sprained wrist keep you out of the water? What a pussy!" "It hurts like hell, Red." "And I'll stay with Al." I said. "I didn't come here as much to surf than to be with my best friend." "Al -- I've never heard of any doctor say to stop living because of a sprain. You just keep using it. You can wrap it with athletic tape -- and go surfing. Don't be a baby!" Red was now making me mad. I was about to say something, when Everett said, "My brother sprained both his wrist and an ankle, and the coach made him wrap them and play. And it was the doctor that okayed it." "Never mind, Ev. I think that they're just trying to set up some alone time together! They've been sweet on each other for some time now! This Tony character came and blew their plans out of the water!" "Fuck you, Red! You know that's not true. Besides you've been wanting to get in my pants since day one." "Yup! And the difference in you and me is -- I admit it! But now I got Ev -- and he wants me. It's obvious that you want Ben!" "Get your suit on., Ben, we're going surfing." Said Al. "But Al, We can't -- I mean - " "I said, We're gong surfing!" "We're going surfing -- I guess." We went to the surfing spot in south Maui that they had wanted to take us to from the first day on Maui. Ben got some athletic tape and wrapped both his wrists stiffly. He paddled out with me and rode a couple in, then said his wrists were hurting too much -- and told Red to fuck himself. Red laughed and said, "That's okay -- I'll pass. That's why I brought Everett over here!" TMI! I sat down next to Al. "What are you doing?" He said deliberately. "Get out there and surf. I can watch you from here and I love watching you! I did as I was told -- of course. Al walked up to a beach cabana and bought us all some pineapple juice. When we arrived home -- all tired -- including Al -- Tony was waiting for us outside the parking lot. "They told me I couldn't stay in the hall." Was all he said. "How long have you been waiting?" "Not long." "We gotta talk to the front desk about this!" Said Al, obviously incensed. "He shouldn't have had to - " "It's not their fault." Said Red, for once showing the better sense. "They can't just let any Podunk in here who says he is a friend." "Well," grumbled Al, "It's not right. I guess maybe we shoulda told them you were coming. I'm sorry, Tony -- my fault! God! I can't imagine sitting in the sun for - " "No big deal!" Said Tony. "If I got too hot, I'd have gone to the beach -- or the park next door. It's okay." I jumped in Tony's car. He gave me a kiss and preceded the other guys into the parking garage. We parked and Tony said, "I stopped by to see my mom after work. I couldn't stay long -- in case my dad came home." "Jerk!" I said. "What?" asked Tony. "Your dad -- he's a jerk!" I said. "NO! He's NOT a jerk. He just doesn't understand. He's just trying to protect my brothers from -- from -- from -- (Sob) ME!" And he broke down and threw himself on my shoulder. "Ben -- I'd never do anything to hurt my little brothers! And if one of them turns out gay -- it has nothing to do with me! But -- I think my dad would blame me." I was about to support what he said. "No -- it's really -- he's just ignorant. He's talking to the bishop Thursday." "What does that mean?" "I dunno. Maybe nothing -- maybe something good -- maybe -- I dunno. I love the bishop! I love my dad! He's the best dad in the world!" I'd have to disagree on that point! But I kept quiet. "That's why it's so hard!" And he lay his head on my chest and cried some more. The other three guys walked by and saw us hugging. "Hey!" laughed Red, "Get a room!" They all laughed and we did too. It was dark in the parking garage, so they couldn't see clearly. They went on to the door to the elevator. "We should go up too." I said. "No -- not like this." He sniffled. "Can we just walk a little? Maybe over to the park next to the condos?" "Al?" I said into my phone. "We're going for a walk. See you in awhile." "We're talking about where to go for dinner. I'll let you know when we're going." "Okay. See yah!" Tony and I walked out of the garage and to the park -- which is on the beach next to the condos. There was a Hawaiian family barbecuing something that smelled delicious. They waved and smiled at us. We sat on the grass overlooking the beach. "They think we're tourists." Said Tony. "Well, some of us are!" I laughed. "So -- you got Al to go with you guys this morning?" "Yeah, he even surfed a couple waves, but he came in after that with his wrists hurting a lot." "Why did he do it? Didn't he know that he could hurt them?" "Apparently you're supposed to work a sprain. If you don't, it just gets weaker." "Oh -- I didn't know that. Ben -- have you thought about what we talked about this morning?" "We talked about a lot of things -- I mean - " "About love -- and stuff." I actually had not thought about it at all. "Oh -- that! Um -- what about it?" "Ben -- I couldn't think of anything else all day. I -- want -- you!" I smiled and kind of blushed. He held both my hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "I really mean it. I know it now. I love you -- more than I've loved anything. Do you think you could feel the same?" In that instant my whole recent life passed by me. I thought about how I felt about Ranj when we first met -- and especially after our first -- time! It even hurt a little to think about it. I thought about when I caught Ev doing Jared. How much that hurt me. How much I loved him. Not like I did Ranj -- but it still hurt. All these things went through my head in an instant. Well, maybe a little longer than an instant, because then Tony said, "I guess it's pretty obvious. You DON'T feel the same." He pulled away only a little. "NO!" I cried. "I mean -- no, that's not true! I -- I mean -- it's just that -- I have more experience than you do. I just -- I was thinking about - " It hit me almost like between the eyes. I DO love this guy! My whole heart was telling me so and felt like it would burst. "Yes, I do! I do love you. I want to love you so much more! But Tony -- it's only been three days!" I pushed thoughts out that were telling me -- once again -- that I was young and immature. I felt so sure about this! "Ben -- Sometimes I think we just know -- that's how I feel. I took off my garments for you." "Huh? "This morning -- I made that decision." "Tony, I don't have the slightest idea what you mean." "Oh -- of course you don't. Before my mission, I was given special garments -- to wear under my other clothing -- and never remove. They are very special to me -- they are a religious garment." "Oh." I said, not really understanding anything. "I know you can't understand -- but just believe me when I tell you -- I can't wear them in good conscience -- if we are together. And -- so I took them off." "You never removed them? Um -- sorry but -- that sounds kinda gross." I didn't mean that. I made a covenant to always wear them. Of course we take them off the wash them -- and ourselves. But I took them off so I can be with you?" "So -- somehow I'm not -- um worthy or something -- of your underwear?" "No -- I'm not worthy to wear them -- if I am -- doing things -- with someone I am not married to." "Okay -- so Mormons are no different that most of the other religions when it comes to the gay issue?" "Um -- yeah -- that's it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you mean that much to me." I thought about what he said for a moment. "I think I feel the same. But in a week and a half or so we will all be going back -- to California. What do we do then?" "I -- really don't have much keeping me here -- now. I could come over there. You know -- where there's a will -- there's a way. Right?" My cell phone rang. "Hey bud! We're going to this restaurant in Lahaina. It's another one that has live music. Red says it's like funky stuff, but good. When can you come back and clean up?" "I -- uh -- think we'll pass on it, Al. We are -- um -- talking about some deep stuff." "Yah gotta eat, Dude." "Bring us back something. You know me well enough -- you choose something." "I -- okay. See you later." "Bye!" "I think we should get back." I said. "My butts cheeks are feeling the itch from the sand!" "Okay." He looked deeply into my eyes. "I've never felt this way before, Ben. GOSH I love you!" By the time we got back, the other guys were on their way out. "Oh -- you going after all? We can wait." Said Al. "Naw -- we need to talk some more." "Oh. Okay." Al said more subdued that usual. "See you when we get back." "Yeah -- bye babe!" I said. As soon as they were out the door, we went to the shower. As if it were choreographed, we removed each other's clothes. We stepped into the shower and turned on the instantly hot water. It poured over the two of us as we held, rubbed and fondled each others bodies. I took a wash cloth and soaped it up and got him all soapy then caressed all over his body with my bare hands on the slippery soaped skin. When I came to his butt, I ran my hand deep into the crack, brushing against his hole. He kissed me deeply and moaned. I stared into his eyes, and moved around back of him, and from there, worked on his chest shoulders and everything that was in front. Of course my Hardness was sliding up and down between his cheeks. I moved my hands around to his butt -- still being behind him. I watched his face closely as I played with the opening of his anus. I pressed at it and my finger slipped in. His eyes were closed, but they popped open when I did that. I immediately remover my finger. "No -- don't stop. It felt good." I again teased at the entrance then pushed my finger in. in my embrace he turned and kissed me, as I continued to work my finger in and out of his tightness. "Ben -- I really want you to -- f -- I mean I want you -- to put it in me." I was relieved he didn't say the "f" word. I said, "Oh, Baby -- are you sure?" I was sure I wanted it -- another reason I was sure I loved him. I had questions about the other guys -- and that's why I'd never done this. It's true Ranj got to me, but this was my first time. I kissed him deeply again and then squirted most of the hair conditioner from the little container into my hand and did my best to stuff it inside Tony. Then I again put my finger in him, and started to stoke in and out. His eyes were close and he was breathing short panting breaths. I put a second finger in and again his eyes popped open. "You sure about this?" I said. "Oh yeah -- I've never been so sure about anything." I stretched and worked him with two fingers then three and finally all four. Then he turned around and braced his hands on the shower wall. I pushed at his sphincter with my very stiff rod and the head popped in easily. I grabbed him by the chest and eased in further, all the time watching his face. His eyes were again closed and he was concentrating hard. I pushed in to the hilt -- then pulled back out. "Are you okay?" I whispered. I saw drool escape his mouth as he said -- "ohhh -- yes!" I started a slow rhythmical thrusting. "Faster -- can you go deeper?" I started to go faster and pushing hard enough that I wondered if my balls would be swallowed up in there. But they didn't. "Harder, Ben -- Faster -- OH yeah!! Oh yes!!" Then I felt it starting. It felt like it was coming from deep in my torso, as my orgasm built up and up and up, and I felt like any minute I was going to explode. I cried out savagely as I felt my essence being shot forcefully up inside this beautiful man. His eyes were shut and he seemed to be in heaven. When I was all finished, I grabbed him for support -- because I felt faint. I lay my head on his back and I cried -- not for any reason other than that I had so much emotion built up and it had to come out in some way. I stood there, clinging to him for at least 3 or 4 minutes, panting and almost gasping. "Ben -- I hope you can wait -- for me -- to do you later." "I can, Baby -- I can wait!" He turned and we kissed and something felt different. Something felt more complete than before -- more complete than ever before. We got out and helped each other dry off and then went to the living room and flipped on the TV. We were not really watching what was on the TV, but more just looking at it. He kept repeating, "Oh Ben, I never want to lose you." "Me neither baby." I said. We were still laying nude on the sofa when Al walked in. I was glad he was alone. Al looked at us and at first I thought there was some sadness but he smiled widely. "I guess I'll have to call my dad, huh?" We tried to cover up with some pillows. Al laughed. "Just get some clothes on -- before I get sick!" The look on his face wasn't exactly what I would call sick. Amused, Maybe -- or was it something altogether different? We put some clothes on. Even though he was an inch taller than I, we were about the same size -- at least when it came to underwear. "Can I borrow some of your underwear, Ben. My inner thighs are getting chafed from not wearing any. I'll buy some later." "Boxers or briefs?" "Maybe I'll try some boxers -- I've never worn them." I threw him a pair of my clean white boxers shorts. He put them on. "Like it?" He teased, modeling them like on a ramp. He pushed some of his black curls down to his forehead and them flipped them back. "I guess. I liked it better the way you were a few minutes ago!" I said. "You guys!" said Al, laughing. "Your dinner is on the counter, by the way." Suddenly I was famished. And by the way he ate, so was Tony. Al had brought us back some very rare filets -- so we could reheat them and get them the way we wanted. The three of us played a short game of Apples to Apples before going to bed at about 9:30. Al came to bed with us this time. We turned the lights off and I first turned to Al. "G'night, best friend." I said kissing his forehead. "I think you may have found a new best friend." He said, then pecked me squarely on the lips. "I love you." He said -- maybe for the Tony's benefit? "Love you too -- and a best friend is different from a partner." I kissed him back -- on the lips. "G'night, Babe." "Oh!" Said Tony. "I have the early ride tomorrow. I have to start picking people up at 2:30. So -- it takes 30 minutes to get to the office at that time. I better get up at 12:30. "Day-am! You're gonna have a short night tonight! In the morning we'll leave word that you need a key. Just ask at the front desk." Then Al dialed up the wake up service and put in 12:30 AM. At 12:30 sharp the phone rang with the automated wakeup call. Tony popped up like he was used to it. He pulled o his biking uniform and came back and gave me a soft, wet, deep kiss. Thanks for the boxers. I'll make it up to you!" He said, fondling my crotch. In the dark, he couldn't see my smile, but I expect he knew it was there. After he walked out the door, Al rolled over and grabbed me and pulled up behind me. He didn't say anything and I really don't know if he was awake or not. He spooned me all night. When we woke up -- it was Everett poking his head in. "You sleepy heads must have been up later than we were, We -- wo --wo - wo!" what he saw stopped him cold. The covers and sheets were at the foot of the bed. Al -- nude as always -- was clinging to me and his arm was draped over my hip, and his hand was securely clamped on to my -- morning wood. He was sleeping so deeply, that Ev's interruption didn't wake him. He snorted a little and sighed and pressed his face into my neck. I looked at Ev and shrugged my shoulders, indicating that it wasn't -- planned this way! He gave me a knowing look and backed out. I squeezed Al's hand onto my dick, and said, "Al! You got a vice hold on my peenie weenie!" "Hug? Wha -- hey! What're you doin'!" He said and jumped away from me." "I wasn't doing anything. You were spooning me and squeezing my morning wood. One more squeeze and I would've either wet the bed or climaxed -- I dunno which!" "Ew! Why were you -- um -- oh! I was -- I was on YOUR side of the bed? What - Oh! He left -- I didn't even hear him go." Sorry." "Are you?" I asked. "I'm not. It felt great to have you there holding me -- well, maybe not the hand job thingy. But you rolled over as soon as Tony left and pulled yourself up to me. You kissed my neck and said g'night again, and told me you loved me. I remember that. But I was groggy, and I'm not sure if I answered. In case I didn't -- I love you too, Al!" "I feel like a complete fool!" He said, getting off the bed. He walked toward the bathroom, his morning wood sticking straight out from his pubes. "Jeez! I'm glad Tony wasn't here. Hah! I'm glad no one else was, either. You know there's nothing to it -- right?" "Actually -- Ev came in before you were awake and woke me up -- and he saw us." "No shit? Oh my God!" "Relax. Ev does that with his straight brother! It's no biggie." I gotta pee." He said going through the bathroom door. I saw him lift his hand to his nose and smell it, before closing the toilet door. I rolled over on my back and thought about all that happened yesterday afternoon and last night. I surely felt loved! When Al came out of the bathroom, I went in. "Um -- were you dreaming -- when you woke up?" I asked him. "I think so -- but I can't remember what it was." I remember saying that a few times -- when I really did remember. I wondered. When we came out to the living room Ev was sitting on the couch. "Sleep good?" It was useless to try to pretend he didn't see what he saw. "Of course. I always sleep better in someone's embrace." "You always rolled away from me." "Yeah -- sorry. I always rolled away from Ranj too. But I got used to staying close to Tony really fast -- and I guess I just didn't think anything when Al closed in on me." "Yeah, he closed in all right." "We were asleep. Even I didn't know what he was doing until I woke up. And -- if I had known -- I wouldn't have complained!" "But why would he hold you like that?" "Maybe he was dreaming of a girl - ?" "Yeah. Maybe. And maybe he was dreaming he was holding her dick!" He laughed. "What's so funny?" Said Al, walking in. "We were talking about how Ev used to sleep with his older brother -- like he saw us this morning." Everett looked shocked -- exactly the expression I was hoping for -- to stop the direction of the conversation. "You must miss your brother." Said Al. "Yeah. But mostly, I have my new family. It's all good." Said Everett, Red flew in the door like Kramer. "So -- we going surfing again this morning? And how about you, wimp -- you gonna try it again?" "Actually I am. I feel kind of sore from yesterday, but I do feel stronger. I'm hoping by the end of next week, I can so some serious surfing." "Fantasmagorical, Dude!" Said Red. "Huh?" We all retorted. "It's what the old surfers said -- at least in one surfing movie I saw. Let's go!" "How about breakfast?" Said Al. "There's that guy selling papayas on the beach. That'll do for me. "It won't do for me. I want something serious in me." Said Al. "What's Maui wowie?" asked Everett. "Why?" Asked red. "That guy selling the papayas asked me if I wanted some." "Stay away from that shit, boy!" Said Al. "I may have to pay the papaya vendor a visit!" Said Red. "Yeah!" Said Al. "To tell him to stay the hell away from your guy!" "No! I'd like to maybe get some of that stuff!" "What is it?" Asked Everett. I was glad he asked, `cuz I didn't know either. "Pot -- and from what I hear -- it is some good shit!" Said Red. "Red -- stay the fuck away from that stuff while you're with us! I know this is your parents place, but I can find somewhere else if you screw around with that shit!" "Wow! I got drunk and sick from all that beer our first night. Maui wowie won't do that to me." "That was just stupidity. Why do you wanna fuck yourself up like that? Just don't -- while your with us, at least." "Okay, I get your message. Chill, Al!" Red said, defensively. We had breakfast delivered. This time it was a big Hawaiian who brought it up to us. Red looked like he might drool. Everett saw it too -- and scowled. After eating, we again went to the same beach for surfing. I could tell that Al was struggling -- with pain. "You okay, Babe?" I asked. "I've been better. But -- you know what they say: no pain, no gain." "I guess." Even at that, Al stopped earlier than the rest of us. I watched as he walked up the beach and collapsed on his towel. I had caught some pretty gnarly waves -- and rode them -- so I felt good about the day. I went and sat next to him. "Last night?" Said Al. "You mean this morning?" I asked. "Yeah. Do you think that Everett will tell Red what I did?" "Not if I tell him not to." "Maybe he already has." "Maybe. I'll ask." "Thanks -- best friend. I hope -- um -- that you weren't -- um -- put off by that." "Not at all -- you can hold me any time, Babe." I said. "I really do -- like you a lot -- Ben." "Good -- I was hoping you did!" I laughed. "and -- for the record -- I LOVE you!" "Well -- you know what I mean. Me too, you know." "I think I do -- but it's nice to hear." "I get it. It's just hard. I used to tell that to girls all the time. It's kind of lost its meaning." "That's just -- sad!" I said. "Most guys tell girls that to get into their pants." "Naw -- I just did it to -- I guess to get them to like me. All they usually want is to be seen with me -- and my money. Do you know how tired that gets?" "Afraid not." "I'm sorry -- I didn't mean to be so anal -- and so stupid!" "It's okay." I said. "You better get yourself out there and ride a few more before we have to go. And if we don't go soon -- well, I'm sure you don't want your boy to wait too long for you." He was smiling -- and there was something else that I couldn't quite get. "So go try to get drowned a couple more times!" I smiled and started walking away. "I love you, Ben!" I turned back to him. "Me too!" I said. I didn't catch any more big waves. The wind went down, so the waves did too. It was the perfect excuse to leave a little early. When we got back to the condo, Tony was asleep on the couch. I sat on the floor by his face. He opened his eyes. "Hi." He said smiling. "You could have slept in the bed." I assured him. "It was obvious that the maids were here this morning. The bed was all made perfectly. I didn't want to mess it up." "We'll have to mess it up later." I whispered. He giggled. "I think I'm getting addicted to you." He said. "Ditto!" I said and kissed him. "Hey -- do you guys want some privacy tonight? I was thinking of going out -- by myself -- to see what I can find." "You don't have to do that, Al." I said. "I'll be back about 10:30 -- unless I really find something to stay out later for." He said. "I get the shower first!" and he ran into the bathroom. When we heard the shower running, I climbed on top of Tony. He grinned and kissed me. We left our clothes on, but by the time Al came back out -- we had something to hide! Al called room service again and ordered a nice dinner for us before leaving. I protested several times more, but he was adamant -- and stubborn! Of course Tony didn't pop my cherry. Ranj got that last year. But it was like the first time -- only better -- with Tony. His inexperienced worked in our favor. It was a sweet and hot -- almost ceremonial -- act. We were still cuddling on the bed when Al came in -- at 10:30. "Find anything interesting?" I asked. "Naw. I danced a couple times with some girls -- tourist type. That was all." He sounded bored and tired. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight." "Why??!!" I said. "We don't want a repeat of this morning." He said. "I -- it was -- hey! I didn't care. You were asleep!" "What happened?" Asked Tony." "I tried to rape him in his sleep!" "Stop exaggerating! In his sleep he spooned me." I looked hard at Al. "That was ALL he did." My eyes dared Al to say something more. His eyes assured me he wouldn't. "Now shut up and come to bed!" I ordered, then added, "And no more nights out!" "But - " "If we need privacy -- WE'LL find it!" "I love you, Ben!" Said Al, as he went to the bathroom. The wardrobes were in the bathroom. When he came back, Al had on a pair of boxers and a tee shirt. He looked at me and down. "Yeah, I know for you that's a sacrifice! I love you too." He smiled and turned out the lights. My back was to Al, and Tony and I were front to front. He whispered in my ear -- so low I could barely hear it, "I love you, Ben." "I love you too." I whispered back and kissed his deeply. He turned and backed into me. Al didn't do a repeat of that morning again for the next week. Tony and I seemed to just get closer and closer. We shared everything about ourselves. I even told him about the old back parking lot at Cerritos. He laughed. "There was something like that near my high school. I went there one night, when I was horny and frustrated, but I guess I looked too clean for them. Nobody would approach me. I went home and jacked off!" "That's where I met Ranj." "And you still love him, huh?" He said, cautiously. "I thought I did." I said "What do you mean?" "Tony, this past week and a half -- I fell in love again -- only it is so much better!" Tony grinned. Obviously, it was what he wanted to hear. "Only now, we'll be leaving in two days and -- I don't know when I'll see you again!" We found many ways to love each other -- emotionally as well as physically. We kept our sex in the shower -- and that was more than fine. "Al is going to ask his dad about me coming and staying with them for awhile." He reminded me. Tony's dad had talked to his Bishop -- who assured him that Tony had faithfully served a mission and that his little brothers would not catch anything from him. The bishop told him that no one knows for sure what causes homosexuality, and gave him a book to read. Tony's dad called him and apologized then invited him to come home. Tony thanked him and told him he would be staying with us until the end of the week. His dad just said, "Whenever you're ready." We had a tearful goodbye at the airport. He told me he loved me -- all of me. I said, "I love you too -- all of YOU! I love your cute face, your smooth body, your goodness!" Then I leaned in close and whispered, "and I love your medium sized dick and your huge ball-i-pops!" He giggled through his tears. I had an ominous feeling getting on the plane. Which is why I wasn't shocked when I received his email a week later: "Dear Ben, I put my underwear back on. When I went home, my bishop came and talked to me. He was very sweet and told me that whatever I had done couldn't affect my eternity -- if I repented. Ben -- I wonder if I'll ever love again -- like I did you. Like I DO you -- But -- I have to give God another try. I have to see if I can live without sex. I believe what we did was wrong and I was willing to give up a reward in heaven for you -- I thought. The bishop thinks I may be able to be -- cured. I doubt that. But for him, I'll try it. There is a group that meets weekly. Please understand that I will love you forever. I wish I COULD forget you but I know I can't. I am crying so much I can hardly see the keyboard. But I also love the Lord. And I believe he'd want me to try. I'd ask you to wait -- but -- that's not fair to you. I don't know how to end this, other than to just end it. I can't possible say what I feel for you. I love you more than anything I've ever encountered. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please know that I am suffering so much -- it hurts my whole body when I think about it late at night. My body and my soul ache for you. But I have to do this. Please try to understand. Love always, Tony." I was dumbstruck. For about 2 minutes. Then my world came crashing down, as I realized this wasn't a bad dream. I cried out in agony. My mom came running. "He's gone -- forever. Mom -- he's not coming -- and he's not - " I fell on my bed. My body ached. My soul was wracked. Mom came and lay with me and held me. I cried and cried. It was late at night when I read it. Mom stayed with me for a couple hours. I finally settled down a little and she said she needed to go back to bed, and asked if I was okay. Everett poked his head in. "What's wrong?" Mom told him the basics then left him to me. He cried too, and came to hold me. "No -- you go back to bed. I'm going to call him." Everett kissed me -- on the mouth of course -- and told me to call him if I needed him. "Hello?" "Tony." I said. "I -- prayed you wouldn't call. And -- I hoped you would!" "Tony -- a letter?" "I couldn't tell you that face to face -- or on the phone. It was the hardest thing in the world -- certainly the hardest I've ever done. I feel like -- like - " He broke down and started to blubber like a baby. "Oh, Ben, Oh Ben! I wish you were here! No I don't! But -- of course I do! I feel like I have killed both of us." "I don't know what to say, Tony, except -- I'll wait. I'll WAIT, Tony. I'll wait while you find out that your idiotic meetings don't work. Yeah -- I feel like -- like - " My anger was speaking until I got to that part. Now it was my turn to break down. "Please don't do this, baby. I'll come back over there, if I have to. Please. I can't live like this -- without you." I cried. "No -- you can't come. You will live. I will live." I knew he was right. "Ben, please just try to forget - " "You know as well as I do that I can't ever forget you. I love you -- more than myself more than life. I feel like I want to die -- if I can't have you." "Ben, please - " he cried -- and cried -- and cried. Then he continued, "Ben -- please don't say that." "Of course I won't hurt myself, Baby," I said. "But I feel like that. I feel like part of me had died already. I know everything you said about getting over it is true, but right now -- all I can think of is that I want to die." There was silence at the other end of the phone. I wondered of he had hung up on me -- until I heard him sobbing uncontrollably -- probably into his pillow. "Beh -- Beh -- Beh -- Ben! I'll call you back." He hung up. I turned over and sobbed into my own pillow. Then it hit me. I couldn't let it end like this. I was suddenly afraid he might do something terrible to himself. I had heard about how some religious types -- gays -- kill themselves. I called him back. "Ben -- I told you I would (SOB) - " "Just listen, Baby." I said. I took a deep breath and hardened my stomach to control my own emotion. "I'll be okay -- I know I will. I know it hurts more than I ever thought anything could, but -- I know you have already gone through this. And I know that it will pass. I'll always love you -- and never forget you. But please don't ever think that I blame you. I may never understand your reasons, but -- I will get by. I will! And so will you. Please call or write when you can -- to tell me you're okay. Bye Baby. Bye, my sweet Tony." He took several deep gasping breaths, and said -- Yeah -- I love you to. Bye -- bye -- bye, Beh -- Ben. Bye!" I threw my phone across the room. Then I again buried my face in my pillow and screamed and cried for at least an hour before I went to sleep. In the morning, I woke up once. I looked around and saw my phone across the room, and knew it wasn't a nightmare. I sighed and went back to sleep. I hadn't dreamed before, but this time I sure did. And it WAS a nightmare. I dreamed that I got a call from Hawaii -- telling me that someone had committed suicide. I didn't know who was calling, and he wouldn't tell me who it was who had done it. But I knew who it was. I woke up in a sweat. My shoulder was warm -- and shaking. "Hi best friend." He said. "Your mom called me and told me your news." It was all quiet in the house. "Where is everyone?" I asked. "They're gone to school and your dad's at work. Your mom asked me to come because she was worried about you and -- she had to go to the school about something -- the twins are acting up or something." "What am I gonna do, Al. I just want to die." "Stop that. You're my best friend -- and I won't let you die." He lay down next to me and beckoned to me. I backed up to him. I had gotten used to being naked in bed, but I had a sheet over me. He held me for awhile and then kicked off his shoes. He held me some more. I cried and cried. He cried with me. "Ben -- I -- this is so stupid but -- I was so -- um -- jealous of him!" "Huh?" I said. "Of Tony -- I was jealous of him. I just find me my first best friend and then I was afraid I'd lose you -- to him." "Lose me? Never!" I said and hugged his arm closer. "Ben -- I love you." "I know -- I love you too." "No ben. I really love you. I was jealous in more ways that one. I have to confess -- I walked in once while you and he were in the shower -- and he was -- doing you." "Doing me?" "He was fucking you, Dammit." "You WATCHED us?" I marveled. "I didn't mean to -- that time." "That time?" "Ben -- after that first time I saw you by mistake -- and believe me I felt so guilty -- but I was riveted to the spot. I watched and I was -- well, fascinated and jealous -- at first. But then the next time you went in I snuck up and peeked. I watched you again. Only this time you -- did him. I wanted to come in there and throw him out. After that I watched you every time. I felt dirty and so damned guilty!" "You watched us -- fucking!" "Ben -- I was so jealous -- SO fucking jealous! I wanted to be in there instead of him." "What??!!" "Ben -- I love you -- but it's not like you think. I've had all week to think about it. I love you -- I'm in love with you. I've never touched another guy -- except you that morning. And that morning -- I was awake." "NUH-UH!!" "Ben- I just wanted to feel it -- to feel you! When I woke up I was holding you. In the waking up stage, I felt like -- this is what I want. I denied it to myself even, but I realized my hand was already right next to your -- your boner. I just moved my arm a little and let my hand fall on it. Then I squeezed it. That may be what woke you up. I pretended to be asleep. I thought I would shit when Everettt saw us. My story had to be that I was asleep -- not knowing what I was doing." "Why are you telling me all of this, Al?" by this time, I had almost forgotten my pain from losing Tony -- simply because what Al was telling me was completely blowing me away. "Because, best friend -- I want to try it." "Try it?" "Ben - I think I'm in love with you. I know, it sounds ridiculous to me just saying it. But -" "It doesn't sound ridiculous to me!" I exclaimed. "Ben, I can't promise you anything. But I want to try -- it -- with you." "It." "You know -- being your boyfriend. You'll probably want to have some time to get over Tony. But I want to be here for you while you do, and when you're ready -- I want you to be my boyfriend." I threw my sheet back on the other side and then climbed on top of it. I practically ripped off his clothes. "When is my mom coming home?" "How should I know?" I hopped up and locked my door, and came back and lay down on top of my best friend's body. "Omigod!" said Al. I don't know -- if -- I don't want to stop. What is your mom comes home?" "Then we'll have to be quiet." Then he kissed me. It was sweet and wet. Our tongues caressed one another softly. I grabbed his big hard pole for the first time. I was rewarded with a shot of precum on my hand. "Oh -- oh -- oh! Ben -- I never knew anything could feel like this~!" We heard mom's van come into the driveway. He jumped up giggling and threw on his clothes and grabbed mine from the night before and threw them to me. I heard the front door being unlocked. "Let's not say anything to anyone just yet -- k?" I said. "I agree!" He said and he kissed me again. My cell phone rang. Al looked in the direction of where it landed. I walked over to it. "Strange place to keep your phone!" Said Al. I saw it was Tony. "Hello?" "I had to call you. Are you gonna be okay?" I hope I didn't answer too exuberantly. "I'm gonna be just fine." "Huh?" "My best friend is here." I said. "I hope you are okay." I said. "I'm not. Be glad you're not religious! Okay -- well, I just wanted to be sure you're okay. Bye." "Bye, Tony." Notes: I wrote the whole chapter and lost it. The second time Subby gave me a different scenario. (You had nothing to do with it, Will!!! [Well maybe a little!] Happy belated birthday!) Comments are always welcome. Thanks and love, Steve