Date: Thu, 21 Sep 2006 18:30:08 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ben's Fantasy, chapter 9

This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,
beliefs, and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it might
not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times
between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If you
are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind
if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, - -
ENJOY!

 Cast of characters:

 Ben Hastings -- That's me!

Bill "Bubba" Hastings -- My Dad

Veronica Hastings -- My Mom.

Reyna -- My Best Friend

Ranj Kumar-- My New friend

Jared -- A football whore.

Sargeant Shipley -- High School Friend

From Chapter 8:

By the time Ranj and I left the club, Skip and Ray were laughing and
flirting.  Ranj told me that Ray Remington is a psychology professor at
another college.  He met him a week ago at this very club.  Ray had been
dumped by a very young guy that he was infatuated with.  Ray is 42.  But
he's only attracted to young guys.  He's a really good looking guy,
with thinning brown hair..  At least Skip is a couple years older than
Ray's ex.

We looked back once more and Ranj said, "Let's go home!"



Chapter 9:

"Okay, now what was this about -- Ray is your counselor?"  I asked.

"Oh!  Well, after my parents found out that I was gay, they insisted
that I see a shrink.  Ray teaches at City College, but also has a private
practice.  How did your friend Skip know him?"

"He went to City College for a semester before coming here.  Apparently
Ray was one of his teachers."

"Meeting at the bar musta been scary for them both!"  Said Ranj.

"Yeah, I guess."  I said.  I almost choked on saying it though, because
it wouldn't have occurred to me that they would even have fear.  But
Ranj - - I guess -- is still afraid -- so he goes there immediately.   I
let that register in my subconscious for a moment.

"What's up?  You okay?" He said.

"Yeah.  So your parents -- are gone again?

"Yeah.  After his initial blowup, my father -- well, actually he mostly
threw his hands up and decided that I'm an adult now and, as he puts it,
`If you want to fly in the face of all family tradition, marry outside
our faith, or worse yet, not marry and live -- however you people live --
yadda yadda yadda.'  Anyway he's off my back."

"Aww, baby!  I can tell it hurt you."

"Yeah.  But I guess what hurts me also is -- my father will have to be
the one to face the family and make my excuses.  I am not close to him,
but I still love him."

"Of course you do!  Can we stop by my house so I can get some clean
underwear?"

"You're not gonna dirty the one's you just put on!  You're not even
wearing them to bed!"

"Okay.  I do hafta call my parents anyway -- to let them know I'll be
staying over."

"You see?  That's what I love about you.  You love your parents enough
to call and let them know you won't be home."

"If I don't they'll worry."

"I know.  Mine too."  Said Ranj.  He leaned over and kissed my lips
before the light changed, and then turned right into his neighborhood.

At Ranj's house, everything seemed to be like nothing had happened
between us.  He was so sweet and -- well, really so was I.  I just love
that Indian so much!  We nuked some left over pizza and had some cokes
and Ranj put on some really dreamy Indian music.

"I love Indian music."  He said.  "It reminds me of our visits to
India.  There was a place across from the upstairs apartment that my
uncle lives in -- I always stay with his family when we go there because
my cousin is just a year younger than I am -- and this place across the
street plays this kind of music."

"It's nice."  I said.  As we ate our pizza -- only a couple pieces
each -- we both had trouble keeping out eyes open, and we pretty much
only ate, drank and looked deeply into each others' eyes.

When we finished, as if on cue, we both headed to the bedroom, where he
lit some candles and again put some Indian music on.

Our love making was sweet and low key, but -- very, very romantic.  After
he had sucked me and had me several times to the brink, He lay down and
asked me to put it in his bum.  I was so overwhelmed.  I always played it
in my mind the other way.  It would be him in me.  And only because he
was usually the aggressor.

My eyes watered and my heart throbbed wildly as he lay on his back and
raised his legs and lay them over my shoulders.  I wondered if this was a
dream.  I put my lubed dick to his anal sphincter and pushed.  Nothing.

"I think maybe you have to work it with your finger first."  He said.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No.  Just need to open up a little."

"Yeah, rub it in!"  I said.

"I didn't mean that!  Besides, you're bigger than I am!"

"Nuh-uh!"  I said.  I put more lube on my middle finger and first
massaged the opening, then pushed it in.  He clamped down with all his
might -- and he has a lot of might!  "Relax, Sweetheart, relax."  I
said.  He did.  I pushed in a little more.  More clamping.  "Just think,
Ranj, you have pushed out bigger turds than my finger -- probably most of
the time.  Probably bigger than my dick, even!"

"Oh goody!  Poop talk!"  He said.  "How romantic!"  We both collapsed
in laughter.

Turn over on your side, Ranj.  No the other way -- away from me.  Okay
now, haven't you ever had the doctor do this to you?"

"NO!  Have you?"  He laughed.

"Well -- yeah.  He was really a cute doctor too!  I was - "

"First you talk about my poop and now you're gonna tell me about the
first guy who violated your ass.  You really know how to make this
special, don't you?"

We laughed again.  "Just shut up and jam that fucker up my ass! -- er I
mean finger!"  he laughed.  We were both by now almost in tears from
laughing so hard.

I pushed hard and jammed the whole finger in - and he grunted.  "Oof!"
he said.  "That was intense!" He almost whimpered.   I moved it
around.  "Ohhhh, yeah!  Now THAT's nice.  OOO!  That is sooo
intense!"  I stopped.  "No, don't stop!  Omigod, that's good!"

"That must be where your prostate is."  I said.

"Yeah, it feels like the root of my dick!  Keep doing that!"

I complied and gradually he relaxed and I started to thrust with my
finger.  "Omigod!  That feels great too!  Your finger going in and out
of my hole is hot!"

I then put a second finger in.  He didn't even notice.  I put all four
in and he DID notice.  "Oh -- yeah!  Spread them!  OOO yeah, That's
nice!  Leave then there while I go back on my back.  I did.  He almost
broke my fingers as he changed positions.  When he was on his back again,
and his legs over my shoulders, I again worked to relax his anus.  He
closed his eyes, and looked like he was in heaven.  That's all I needed.

I was able to almost seamlessly exchange me dick for my fingers.  His
closed eyes fluttered a little and he moaned my name.  I started to
thrust a little further in.  His eyes popped open.  "Wha - ?  What's
gomg -- oh!  OH!!!  You're -- you're in!"

"You little shit!"  I said.  You fell asleep!"

"I Know.  I'm sorry!  You were so perfect!  But I'm awake now!  Go for
it."

I started to push slowly in and out.  "Faster, Benny, harder!"

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"Benny, I played football broken and bandaged!  Just do it!"

I started to thrust with all I had, as hard, fast and deep as I could.
He groaned and moaned but kept saying, "More, more!"  I felt myself
rising and when I started to gasp, he closed his eyes and let out a long
"AHHHHHHHH!"

My orgasm seemed to be in suspended animation.  I felt it consume my
whole pelvic region, and it seemed to last forever.  When I was finished,
I collapsed on top of him, my face on his chest.  I fell instantly
asleep.

I felt -- or was it a dream -- no it was real.  But it felt like a dream
as he pushed me off and spooned up behind me, wrapping his arms and body
around me like a big brother.  I felt safe, warm and oh!  Soooo loved!

I woke up, and for the first time, sleeping with Ranj, we were still
spooned.  I dunno, maybe it was only minutes later.

"Ranj?"  I whispered.

"Yeah, me too."  He said.  "Oh!  What?"

"Sorry to wake you."

"It's okay, Baby."

"Ranj, I feel bad.  You didn't even get off."

"I got what I wanted.  Later, okay?"  He said and pulled me up tighter
to him.  He kissed my ear and neck.  I went back to sleep, fantasizing
about him inside me.



"Ben"  Benny!"

Ranj gently squeezed me.  I opened my eyes.  There was light streaming
across his bedroom from the window.  "What do you want for breakfast?"

"You!"  I said, dreamily.

"Anything!  You tell me anything, and it's yours."

"Ranj -- I want my turn."

"Huh?"

"I want you in me!"

"Benny, you don't have to -- I mean -- I really wanted that last
night.  You don't have to feel like you have to - "

"I WANT it, Ranj -- really!"

He remembered everything we did the night before, as he broke my cherry.
When he started to ram it home, I was very glad he was not quite as large
as me.  It hurt some, but mostly it was incredibly satisfying and the
feeling was more incredible than I ever could have fantasized!  When he
was finished, we didn't fall asleep, as last night.  We kissed and
cuddled for another 20 minutes.

He fixed eggs benedict -- I think -- but it was done with curry.  And it
was the best I've ever had.

He got up when we were finished eating, and so did I.  I grabbed my plate
to take it to the sink.  "No!  Let me do that, Ben -- please?"  He
said.  "Just sit and wait a moment."  He took all the table mess to the
sink, and returned.  He came to me and kissed me.  I started to get up,
and again he said, No -- not yet."  He pushed me back down -- gently --
and kissed my head.  "I'll be right back."

He went out of the kitchen and then came back with one hand behind his
back.  He kneeled down and spread my legs, then hugged me for several
seconds.  Then he showed me what was in his hand as he said, "Benny, I
love you.  I can't live without you.  I got this before the Bakersfeild
game, but everything got screwed up after that.  But I think I want you
to have it now.

He opened his hand and in it was a platinum ring with three rubies set in
the top.  "These are from India.  They are rubies and they signify love
-- and commitment."

"Ranj!"  I said, flabbergasted.  "Where did you get this1  It's --
Ranj, I've never used the word exquisite, but -- that's what it is!
How, I mean where - "

"It's a family heirloom.  I made my mother give it to me.  It's from
her family and it is mine.  But now it's yours."

I closed my eyes.  I thought about last night.  I thought about this
morning.  I thought about the love -- deep love -- I feel for this
gorgeous boy kneeling in front of me.  Some how he has gotten me to take
the ring.  I opened my eyes and held it up to the light.  Exquisite was
not good enough.  It must have belonged to Raja or something!

I placed it back in Ranj's hand, and closed his fingers on it.  "I
can't take this, Ranj."

"What?  But -- but -- I love you!"  He cried, tears springing to his
pleading eyes.

"Ranj, I love you.  Last night and this morning left no doubt about
that.  But - - love isn't enough."

"What?  Of course it is!"  He protested, the tears now running down his
face freely -- and I was the same.

"Ranj, this is way too valuable to give me.  If I took it and we broke
up, I'd give it back anyway, but -- Ranj!  You aren't even ready to
tell the world that you love me.  I can't wear a ring when the world
that sees it wonders where it came from.  I want the world -- the
universe -- to know that you are mine and I am yours.  I love you yes --
but sometimes love isn't enough. Commitment is just as important."

"I WILL tell the world!"

"I feel good about that.  And as soon as you do tell the world,
including the football tam, including the university football team where
you are going -- then I will wear that ring.  And I promise you -- if for
some reason it doesn't work out -- either next week, next fall, or in 50
years -- I'll give it back.  It will never be mine -- because it is your
family heitloom.  But for now -- I can't take it."

Ranj laid his head in my lap and cried like a baby.  Finally he
whimpered, "Please just try it on -- put it on your finger."  He held
it up, but his head was still laying on my lap.  I took it from him, and
raised him up.  I placed it on his finger.

"Ranj, you wear it and think of me.  I love you -- there's no contest
with anyone else."  I said, rather sadly.  "Go do your thing.  When
you're ready to tell the world that you love me, I'm ready to wear your
ring.  That's the way it has to be.  But -- I can't wait forever.  I
don't want to wait at all.  I'd like you to make me yours -- today --
now -- but I know you can't right now."

Ranj fell back on the bed and covered his face.  He lay there for a good
five minutes.  I finally lay next to him and touched his face.  "I know
you're right.  What're we gonna do, Baby?"  He whispered.

"Right now I just want to hold you."  I said.  We held each other and
cried until we fell back asleep.

I woke again later in the morning.  Our bodies were still entangled.  I
thought about carefully extricating myself and leaving, but the way we
were laying, that was impossible without waking Ranj.  And - - that's
not really what I wanted to do.  My heart was having a serious tug-of-war
with my mind.

As I was in this waking turmoil, I tried to focus on my sweetheart just
inches away.  With eyes closed, his long, naturally curly eye lashes were
so beautiful -- even caked as they were with last night's tears.  Then
they opened.  He smiled.

"I was afraid it was just a dream."  He said.  "But you're still here
so I guess it's real."

"It is."  I said soberly, but I couldn't resist returning his smile.

"Good."  He said.  I was afraid he was going to break the spell and try
to again approach the subject of "us".  He didn't.  "Let's get some
lunch."  He said.

"You don't want to shower first -- to wake up -- or something?"  I
said.

"Only if you shower with me and -- show me some of that `something'
you were referring to." He countered.

Before that, my morose thought kept any wood from forming, but as soon as
he said that, I felt the familiar surging.  "You DO know how to get me
going!"  I said, grinning.

I know that we both felt this may be the last time -- in at least a long
time -- that we would be together in this way.  And rather than let it
get us down, by silent mutual consent, we made what we thought may be our
last time together - - a time to remember.  The irony was not lost to
me:  I finally had become one with a guy I loved more than anything in
the world -- only to presume that I could never have this again with
him.  Indeed, I may never see him again.

He drove me home after breakfast.  We had done our crying last night, so
we said goodbye with a quick kiss and hug and I ran into the house.  All
I want to do is feel the warmth of my parents love at the moment.

They're gone.

I am alone.  More alone than I have ever been.  More alone than I knew
any soul could feel.  I had just had lunch and yet I felt a hunger in the
pit of my stomach -- that very foundation of my being -- that seemed to
consume my whole body.

I sought the comfort of my bed.  Wanking crossed my mind, but I knew that
would be useless.  I took my clothing off and climbed under my covers,
and assumed a fetal position.

Then I let it go again.  Each time I do this, it seems like it's worse
than the time before.  How is it possible to hurt this much and still
keep living?  I wrapped my arms around my shoulders and rocked back and
forth as I whimpered -- which was all that was left in me.

I went to school.  I came home.  Week after week, I survived.  I saw Skip
in chem lab every Saturday.  It was like a Puccini opera.  My misery was
punctuated by his elation of having found Ray Remington to be all he ever
dreamed of.   Occasionally Ranj and I did make contact -- a casual look
from across the cafeteria -- once when he nearly ran me over hurrying
around a corner with some friends.

He stopped to help me up, as his friends stood laughing.  No they
weren't laughing at me.  They had their own conversation going.  After
helping me up, he squeezed my hand and turned and joined his friends.



Spring break.  Skip called me.  "Hey!  Why don't you drive out to Palm
Springs with us?  Ray has a place that he shares with some old school
buddies and it is his for the week."

I almost turned him down, but -- then thought maybe it might be what I
need.  It was only a long weekend, but it was fun to just hang out with
happy people.  Their joy in new love was enough to bring me a little bit
back from the edge.  I felt mostly like a 5th wheel, but it was still
fun.  Nothing -- I mean NOTHING - happened in Palm Springs.

When I got home there was a note.

"Dear Benny,  I came by to say good-bye before going back to North
Carolina, but apparently you have moved on faster than I.  Palm springs,
huh?  I hear it is quite the gay congregation.  Maybe you'll find a
friend there.  I'll be awfully busy with spring training, and also my
studies.  I wish you would be there to -- help me study and -- stuff.

There is so much more that I can feel but cannot put into words,  I will
not have time to do anything but study and practice, so -- I guess I'll
be dreaming of -- us -- you -- whatever.

I hope you have fun in Palm Springs and -- next semester.

Love always,

Raunch"

I read it sitting on the couch in the living room.  I wasn't crying, but
even Dad picked up on my mood.

"You really like him, don't you?"  He said.

"Like him?"  I said, woefully.

"Well, okay."  Dad apologized.  "Anyway, for what it's worth, I
really like Ranj."

"I know."  I said, sounding more bitter than I meant to.

"Ben -- I LIKE Ranj.  I LOVE you!  I haven't been very good at showing
you all the time, but -- you're - - different.  And you know what?"

"What?"  I said barely civilly

"Now that I know what it is that IS different, it's really somehow
easier -- or something -- to relate to you.  I don't understand your --
um -- attraction -- to -- to -- men, but -- I at least know what it is
now.  Before it was like there was this wall between us.  Don't you feel
-- just a little -- like that wall is coming down."

I looked up into my dad's eyes.  HE was crying!  Well, that did it for
me.  I practically jumped off the couch and into his arms.  I looked over
his shoulder and in the archway to the kitchen; mom was standing,
smiling, with tears running down too.

"Dad -- Mom -- do you think I'm being too -- hard - on Ranj?"

"What do you mean?"  Mom said.

"I know exactly what he means."  Said Dad.  "Ben, you're kinda asking
the wrong person, I think, but I'll give you my opinion, if you want."

"I do want!"

"Well, trying to put aside my feelings that ALL gays would be better off
not flaunting their sexuality, I think that, if you really like him as
well as -- I mean, okay, love him -- as well as you seem to -- you could
sacrifice your desire to be out with him until he's ready.  He only
wants two years -- right?"

"Dad, I've thought about that.  I've gotten pounded twice by him
already, though, and - "

" - and by the look of things, he really didn't hurt you that bad."

He got "the look" from both Mom and me for that remark.

"No wait -- both of you!  You have to take some responsibility too,
Benny.  IF you decide you want to continue with Ranj, you have to know
that you have to be super conscious of where you are and who you're
with.  And you have to be willing to save any elation or anything that
might show him up as being a -- well -- gay -- you just have to wait.
I'm sure you have ways of showing him when your alone!"  He said with a
smirk.

"Well, yeah."  I said, also smirking.  "So -- now all I have to decide
is, how to get to North Carolina."

"How bad do you want this -- if you indeed decide to go?  Because
another option is just to wait it out,."  Dad asked.

"I want it pretty bad, Dad.  Wait it out?  I don't think so!"

"What are your options then?"

"There is a community college there.  I'd have to pay more than here,
being out of state."

"You've already been looking into this, haven't you?"  Mom offered.

"Just wondering what me options are!"  I said with a sheepish grin.

"I'd be willing to pay your way out there, and set you up with first,
last and security deposit, Son.  But you will have to get a job and make
arrangements to go to school -- if school's what you want."

"Isn't it what YOU want?"  I said.

"Benny -- whether or not you go to college is your decision now.  We
always encouraged you to get ready for college -- good grades in high
school and all -- in case you went to a university.  But -- it all
depends on what you want to do in life."

"Whattaya mean?"

"If you -- for example -- decide you don't want to work for someone
else -- like a big corporation -- you don't need a degree -- after all,
it's only a piece of paper.  You NEED that piece of paper to get a good
job at a corporation.  But if you decide to work for yourself -- why
spend the time and money for a stupid piece of paper?"

"I never knew you felt that way about college."

"Benny, you're 19 now -- and a man -- you need to -- as you said --
know your options."

I was all gung ho to rent an apartment from an internet site.  Dad
advised me to not rent anything site unseen.  Then there was the option
of getting a place with Ranj.  Why hadn't I thought of that!!??

"I'm gonna surprise him!"

"Better not, Son."

"Why not?"  I cried.  "He loves me -- he'll be happy.

"You might be the one who is surprised, Ben.  You as much as told him
good bye and that he is free."

"Dad!  He loves me!  I'm not worried."



  I saw a lot of pretty places, six weeks later,  traveling across
America on a Greyhound bus.  I had so many guys -- and girls -- come on
to me on the way -- It was creepy! Springtime in Durham, NC is beautiful!

 The bus went right by Duke, so I talked the driver in to letting me off
there.  I had a huge suitcase that I dragged behind me until I found
Ranj's dorm address he gave me.  The sun was nearly down when I found
it.  He told me he had two roomies, or I would have walked in the
unlocked door.  So I knocked.  The door was opened by a small student
with glasses and coal black hair and eyes, and nothing more than a pair
of tighty-whiteys.

"Hello."  He said with a markedly southern accent.

"Hi, I'm Ben Hastings, a friend of Ranj Kumar."

The little guy opened the door wide and in the semi-darkened room, I saw
Ranj on the couch, clad only in white boxer shorts - - as was the guy
that was all wrapped up in Ranj's embrace.  Ranj shot up off the couch
like a rocket.,

I turned and walked back down the steps in front of the dorm.  He came
flying out, and his boner popped out of his fly.  He struggled to stuff
his incredibly shrinking man back into its hole.  "WAIT!  Ben!  Don't
go!"  He was standing in the common in his shorts, with a half erect
bone.

"Ranj, go back inside.  You're embarrassing yourself."

"Not until you tell me you'll come back in too!"

"Okay.  Give me a minute."  I said.  He hesitated a moment.  "Go
inside!  I'll be right back!"  He stood his ground.  "I promise!"

He ran back in to his place.  I pulled my suitcase behind me until I was
out of eye -- or ear shot.  I started to call home, when what happened
hit home all the way.  I sat down and cried.

I sat there at least five minutes, trying to get myself together.  "Sir
-- are you okay?  May I be of assistance?"

I looked up and there was a uniformed guard or something.  He spoke
again.  "Campus security -- are you okay?"  He knelt down to my level.
 He couldn't have been too much older than I.  Looking into my wet eyes,
he repeated, "Are you okay, Man?" His eyes were compassionate as he put
his hand gently on my shoulder.

Notes:  Far from home, our boy meets the unexpected -- once again.  There
are not many times when the author cries as he is writing, but the scene
where Ben's dad breaks down even got to me!  (I ALWAYS react when I am
proofreading, not during the initial writing.)