Date: Wed, 24 Nov 2004 09:19:12 -0500
From: shadowlawn <mart6854@bellsouth.net>
Subject: Born Again

I grew up in a small rural community in Florida's Panhandle. To give you an
idea of what it was like folks there were proud to refer to our town as the
buckle of the Bible belt. The population was 580 divided between those who
were saved in the Lord and those who needed saving. Life actually revolved
around the Full Gospel Evangelical Baptist Church. From first grade through
eighth I went to a church run school. On Sundays we started with Sunday
school at 9:00, followed by a prayer service at 10 and then the main Sunday
service, complete with brimstone and fire preaching from 11 to 1. Then
Sunday evening at 6 was the youth fellowship meeting followed by a
hymn-fest at 7 and the Sunday evening service at 8. On Wednesday at 7 was
Bible study and on Saturday there was always a youth fellowship
recreational outing.

As if that wasn't enough my family had daily prayers every morning and
Bible readings every evening. Television was rarely on at my house, except
for religious programs like the 700 Club.

I was in the thick of it and looking back I'd have to say that anyone who
observed me at that time would have easily said I was a perfect Christian
boy living in the light of the Lord. Even I would have said that if I
hadn't thought that saying such a thing was the sin of boastfulness.

Of course had I allowed myself the opportunity to think and do a little
self-reflection I might have come to the realization that I was gay. Things
being as they were, self-examination beyond the superficial was not
encouraged; it was just as well otherwise I might well have killed myself
with the knowledge that I was one of those unspeakable sinners. Of course
that didn't happen because I didn't really think about sex, or at least I
tried not to. I didn't even masturbate that often. Mostly I got relief
through wet dreams. On the rare occasions when I couldn't wait for a
nocturnal emission, taking matters into hand, I'd feel so guilty that it
would be weeks if not months before I'd slip again. I have to admit that
when I did jerk off thoughts about men and boys seemed to seep into my
head. Of course I rationalized that away by thinking that the devil was
responsible for my sinning and was putting the vilest possible thoughts
into my mind. Remember in that world homosexuals have a choice, while women
don't. So to me it wasn't that I was attracted to men it was that sex with
men was the worse possible of all sexual thoughts so that's what the devil
would tempt me with. I know that's fucked up logic, but the whole thing was
fucked up logic.

Anyway I missed going off to some Christian college because my family was
poorer than it was religious. I'd managed to get a full scholarship to UF
and while a few Jesus schools offered me partial scholarships none could
compare with what I got at Florida. My folks figured that I was so steeped
in the Lord that I would be safe even in hell for four years. They were
wrong. I was an innocent 18-year old when I arrived at the University of
Florida, but I didn't stay that way for long.

My roommate turned out to be a Jewish boy name Ronnie Goldberg from North
Miami Beach; well at least that's where he'd been living for the past two
year. His family was actually from Brooklyn and that's where he was born
and raised. He was just about as opposite from me as possible. The only
thing we had in common, aside from species and gender was that we were both
apparently smart. The biggest difference was that he was totally worldly
and I was totally naive.

Being a good Christian with the mission of witnessing to and converting
non-believers I almost immediately started in to save Ronnie's immortal
soul. I was determined to make him born again. He of course was having none
of it and set me straight in the proverbial New York minute.

"Listen Evan, you seem like a decent guy and it doesn't matter to me what
and how you believe, just keep it to yourself. I know this is going to
shock you, but I don't believe in God, at least not the kind of God your
religion foists off on people. So you do your thing, but dude don't try and
save me or you'd better find yourself another roommate."

Well I could respect his wishes, but I certainly could not let his
statement about there being no God go unchallenged. So I asked him why he
didn't believe in God.

"OK, I'll engage you this one time, but only once. There maybe a God, but
it sure isn't the God of the Torah, or the Bible or the Koran for that
matter. That God was created by man in his own image as a political tool to
control people. I mean there's no scientific evidence to support the
Bible's version of the way things are. In order to accept most of that
claptrap you have to suspend reality and that's not something I will ever
do. If there is a God then I believe he or it is the totality of what we
call physics and far beyond the understanding of most mere mortals. All
those so called sacred books are just human attempts to explain the
inexplicable. For me science is holy and religions are the biggest, oldest
con-game going. That's what I believe and you aren't going to change my
mind. So let's just agree to disagree and we'll get along."

Well he'd laid it out as plainly as possible and while at the moment I
didn't think he was right I wasn't sophisticated enough to put up much of
an argument other than "the Bible says" which he wouldn't accept as
proof. Even the sinners back home thought there was a God. I'd never really
talked to a non-believer before and I was more or less in shock over what
he'd said. I decide to just keep my mouth shut and I remember thinking that
if he was wrong the Lord would show me a way to lead him out of the
darkness.

I complied with Ronnie's request and kept my religion to myself. The only
hint of my beliefs that crossed his path was that I'd read the Bible every
night. I'd sometimes catch him staring at me doing so and he'd just sort of
shake his head in amazement. We actually got along quite well and despite
our differences we began to like and respect each other. I actually liked
him a great deal and that's when I started wondering. He was a great guy
and smart as a whip, how could he be so wrong when it came to God, or was
he? I started reading things other than the Bible about God and science,
though of course I didn't let on to anyone that I was doing so.

Nonetheless I retained some of my more judgmental attitudes. There were a
few things about Ronnie that really bothered me even though I tried to
overlook them. He would get drunk on weekends, stumbling into the room in
the wee hours of the morning reeking of beer and while not falling down
drunk certainly far from sober.

Another thing that disturbed me was that he often went around naked or
nearly so. He'd come back from the showers and remove the towel from around
his waist and stay nude for the longest time saying that he liked to
completely air dry. Once he was in the room he'd strip down to his
underwear and stay that way. I figured he was just being vain, flaunting
himself for the other guys to envy.  He was very handsome with an almost
flawless body. He also had just about the biggest cock and set of balls I'd
ever seen on a person (though I hadn't seen that many). Looking back I'll
have to admit that subconsciously I was attracted by his physical presence
and that's what mainly upset me.

The worst thing for me at the time was that he masturbated almost every
night. I thought he thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. It was the same
almost every time. I'd just lay there awake on the top bunk while he'd be
jingling the whole bed, moaning and grunting. Then he'd let out a long sigh
and the entire room would fill with the strong unmistakable scent of male
sex. It nearly drove me mad. I'd have an erection the whole time and the
temptation to join him would sometime get almost unbearable.

Much as I tried not to give into temptation I found myself masturbating far
more frequently. At least once a week in the shower I'd beat off. More
disturbing was that when I did so, inevitably I'd imagine Ronnie in the
bunk under me stroking his big, hard dick and spraying his cum all over his
chest. I was feeling so guilty. I prayed hard not to be tempted, but to no
avail. This went on for several weeks and I couldn't understand my own
feelings.

Then right around mid-terms the whole world change forever. It was around
1:00 Sunday morning and I was up studying for my biology exam which was
scheduled for Monday morning at 8 o'clock. Normally I went to bed no later
than 11, but biology was my weakest subject and I had to cram. Just about
that time Ronnie came bursting into the room.

"I didn't think you'd still be up," sounding surprised to find me at my
desk.

"Biology exam," I explained. Then sounding like a real prig I added,
"you're drunk again."

He laughed, "not so drunk, I only had few brews, but I am very stoned."
Then I think just to shock me he added, "I'm also horny, tried to get laid,
but that didn't work out, so I came back here to crash and jerk off."

If shocking me had been his intention, it worked. I was shocked that he'd
admit he'd been smoking marijuana, but even more floored that he'd so
casually admit that he wanted to masturbate. I guess the surprise was
registered on my face.

He came up right beside me and leaned back against the edge of my
desk. "Evan have you ever gotten laid? Ever had sex with another person?"

I became immediately defensive. "That's a rather personal question?" I
said. "But the answer is no, sex outside of marriage is a sin."

"That's such bullshit. Evan, human beings, all animals for that matter, are
biologically wired to have sex. That's why it feels so fucking good.
There's nothing sinful about getting your rocks off either by yourself or
with another person as long as nobody gets hurt. It's one of the big
pleasures of life. So don't play Mr. Holier Than Thou with me. I know
you're a sexual being and that you get turned on. You lay away at night
just listening to me beat off and you get off on it, just like you get off
looking at my big cock when I walk around bare assed."

"I don't do any such thing," I protested again sounding just a little too
defensive.

"Evan, face reality, you're gay dude. I see the way you look at my body,
stare at my package. I know that look, I've seen it before. Fuck! You think
you're the first guy who has drooled over my meat. I grew up in New York.
Lot's of gay guys there are more than willing to help a horny teenager get
some quick relief; lots of gay guys on the Beach in Miami will do the same
thing. So I know the look.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, it's just how you are. You're still
a great guy and once you loosen up and come to terms with reality you're
going to be a much happier one.

"I think we can help each other out here and I can prove my point. Like I
said I'm real horny, and I was intending to get some relief by jerking off,
but a head job would be so much finer."

With that he stood upright and dropped his shorts to the floor. He'd gone
commando and there he stood with what had to be a seven-inch, hard, thick
cock pointing up at the ceiling. I was speechless; I couldn't believe what
he'd just done, but I was incredulous to discover that I was turned on
sexually. I could feel my cock getting hard. I'd never been that close to
another guy's dick, let alone hard on. I wanted to run out of the room, but
I was frozen in place. Ronnie knew he'd won before I did. He looked down at
my crotch. It would have been apparent to anyone from the tenting in my gym
shorts that I was hard.

He smiled with the knowledge of someone proven right. His voice however was
gentle and reassuring. "So how about helping out a pal in need? It's the
perfect set-up for both of us. You get the cock you've been drooling over
and I get a good blow job."

I don't know why I said it, it just sort of blurted out before I knew
it. "I've never given a blow job before."

"There's always a first time for everything dude and my guess is you're a
natural, you'll know what to do and it's hardly my first time getting one
so I can help talk you through it."

He removed his tee shirt, kicked off his flip-flops and stepped out of his
bunched up shorts so that he was now completely naked. I turned around in
my seat so that he was in front of me with his crotch at face level. He
grabbed his cock, pulled it down from his flat stomach so that it was
pointing directly at my face. He stroked it a couple of times and a clear
bead of crystal liquid appeared at the slit on the tip.

"Go ahead take it, you know you want to. It's going to be great."

He was right, at that moment it's exactly what I wanted. I slowly reached
up with my right hand and gently cupped his big balls. Just touching them
sent a thrill through my body. I was staring at his beautiful cock and he
took a half step forward. He brushed the tip of his cock over my lips
smearing the drop of honey across them. Instinctively I ran my tongue over
my lips and then over the meaty head of his cock.  At that moment I knew
that this is what I wanted, what I'd wanted for a long time. With no
further hesitation I opened my mouth and he entered me. I closed my lips
tight around his thick shaft.

"Oh yeah, that's it. This is fucking great. Just take it slow. Take it as
far back in your mouth as you can. Yeah, that's the way. Flatten your
tongue so that it touches the bottom of my cock, right, just like that. Now
go up and down; slowly, pick up speed when you get comfortable with it. Oh
yeah, I told you, you're a natural."

For some reasons his words were making me even hotter and all I wanted to
do was to make him feel wonderful and satisfied. He was sharing his
beautiful cock with me, making me feel like I'd never felt before and I
wanted to return the favor as best I could. I picked up speed and I must
have been doing something right because he was moaning with pure pleasure.

Once I had a good rhythm going I was able to take more and more of his cock
into my mouth until finally I could feel my lips brushing up against his
pubic hair on the down stroke. Just about that time he started thrusting
himself into me in sync with my movements. It was as though we'd become one
sex unit. Then he placed his hands on my head guiding and at the same time
caressing me in a very tender way. He also began to talk again.

"Oh yeah baby, you're making me feel so fucking good. That's the way. Too
fucking hot! Yeah, baby, can't last much longer, you're too fucking good at
this. Okay, it's going to happen. Not much longer, I'm going to shoot. It
won't hurt you, swallow it for me. Take my hot load and swallow it all. Get
ready, baby, `cause here it is."

With that he rose up on his toes and thrust deep into my mouth.  I felt his
cock harden and swell even more and suddenly my mouth was awash with a
warm, thick, tangy liquid. I didn't resist, I wanted to please him so I
began to swallow. No sooner had I downed that first mouthful than his cock
pulsed filling my mouth a second time. We continued this pattern until I'd
drained him of five mouthfuls in all. Still I didn't want to release him
from my mouth. I wanted him in me and I wanted more of his milk. Finally he
could stand the intensity of it no longer and gently he withdrew himself.

"Evan that was great. If you enjoyed it half as much as me then you must be
in heaven."

I was, but I was also hornier than I'd ever been in my life. All I wanted
to do was beat off, yet old habits die hard and I was reluctant about
beating off in front of Ronnie. Sounds silly as I think about it since I'd
just finished swallowing his load, but that's what I was feeling. Ronnie
came to my rescue.

He pointed at my crotch which was bulging almost obscenely with just about
the stiffest erection of my life and laughed.

"That thing needs some immediate attention or you're going to end up with a
terminal case of blue balls. Let it out for some air quick."

I lifted up in my seat and yanked down my gym shorts. My 6-1/2 inch boner
sprang out and received my immediate attention. Ronnie watched, giving me
verbal encouragement, not that I needed it. It took all of about six
strokes before I'd blasted the biggest load of my live (up to that point).

I sucked Ronnie off a few more times and we remained roommates until the
end of our freshman year and friends even today. By Easter though he had a
steady girlfriend and I had a steady boyfriend (who I still have). My
family wants nothing to do with me, calling me the spawn of the devil. I
now have a Ph.D. and live a very happy life. You could say that because of
Ronnie I was born again.