Date: Wed, 08 Mar 2006 01:51:03 +1000
From: Daniel M <brisboi82@hotmail.com>
Subject: College - Bruised Love 09

DISCLAIMER:

If you are under the legal age of 18 (or 21, depending on local law) please
discontinue reading. If you are offended by homosexual content and themes,
please do not read further. I accept no responsibilities if the written text
offends as you are reading it of free choice. This work remains solely my
property and may not be reproduced without prior request.

Always remember safe sex is the way to go. Don't pick something up when you
pick him up.

This is purely fictional work, any similarities between characters and
events and any real situation are purely coincidental, unless otherwise
noted.


As a short side note: I just want to say thank you to those who constantly
write in with feedback and to my two Texan boys (they know who they are -
hey, love you both).

FEEDBACK:

brisboi82@hotmail.com

AIM Screen name: AntiChristDM

Story's Yahoo Group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bruised_love_fiction/


The Story:

Bruised Love 09
By
Daniel M


Mitched watched as Andrew and Cameron's relationship grew and changed for
the friends he had originally met to an intimate couple. His mind cast about
as he tried to compare it to what he went through with Jay. They sat there
watching a movie, Mitch curled up in an arm chair, while Andrew and Cameron
sat beside each other, Andrew's legs drapped over Cameron's. Mitch watched
them out of the corner of his eye as they gently held hands. When the movie
ended, Mitch stood up and nodded to them.

   "I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed?" he lowered his eyes, almost asking
for permission to go to bed. Andrew looked at his friend.

   "You ok Mitch?" He asked. Mitch's eyes widened at the thought maybe his
feelings and confusion was so transparrent. He nodded dumbly as Cameron read
Mitch's body language in concern. Andrew stood and put his hand on Mitch's
shoulder.

   "You know you can talk to us don't you." Andrew asked lowering his eyes
to look into Mitch's own downcast pair. Mitch nodded almost impreceptibly.
Andrew stepped in and hugged Mitch and kissed his forehead. Mitch stepped
back gently out of the friendly embrace and walked down towards his and
Andrew's room. Andrew watched him go and looked at Cameron who shrugged.
Sitting down looking at Cameron, Andrew felt his concerns rise.

   "Have we been too affectionate or something in front of him?" Andrew
asked. Cameron took Andrew's hand in his own.

   "What would hiding it achieve?" He asked. Andrew turned and looked down
the hall to where Mitch had gone.

   "Go to him." Cameron said gently. Andrew's head whipped around to regard
his lover. Cameron nodded gently. Andrew stood and gently padded towards the
bedroom. Opening the door and walking in, Mitch sat hunched over his
notebook, concentrating. Andrew sat down gently on the bed watching him.
Mitch looked over, then went back to his writing.

   "Mitch, are Cam and I making you uncomfortable?" Andrew asked finally.
Mitch sat back and put his pen down before looking at Andrew.

   "It's not that, I'm just trying to think when Jay and I were like that,
and it feels so long ago. I try and remember the feeling and it escaped me.
It's all so black and blue laced, that I just can't remember." Mitch said.
Andrew looked at his friend.

   "Would it make it easier if Cam and I cut back on it?" Andrew asked.
Mitch shook his head.

   "You don't need to. I'm getting used to it." Mitch told him. Andrew
arched his eyebrow and Mitch put his hand on Andrew's.

   "It's ok, promise." Mitch assured him. Andrew nodded and stood.

   "Alright, I'll leave you to your writing, I'll speak to you tomorrow."
Andrew said. Mitch looked at him.

   "When I've written this, can you read it for me. I want to post it?"
Mitch asked and Andrew nodded. Mitch smiled and went back to his writing as
Andrew left the room.


Walking back out to Cameron, Andrew shrugged.

   "He's fine. I have something to read in the morning though." Andrew
reported. Cameron arched an eyebrow questioningly. Andrew shrugged.

   "I dont know." With that, he settled back on the couch and leant against
Cam while people ran around on screen accusing each other of sleeping with
children, spouse and asking where their second cousin twice removed was
hiding the measuring cup.

   "Why are we watching this?" Asked Cameron.

   "It's that or a horror movie." Andrew said looking at the television
guide.

   "What one?" Asked Cameron.

   "Showgirls. Absoloutely terrifying." Deadpanned Andrew.


The next morning Andrew walked out and found an envelope with his name on it
in Mitch's flowing cursive on the fridge. Somewhat alarmed, Andrew opened it
quickly and found what Mitch had been writing the previous night with a
small note explaining that Mitch had gone to work. Andrew put it down and
made himself a coffee and walked out onto the balcony to sit and read.


**
	Dearest Jay

I want to tell you, that as much as you loved me for so long, for as long as
I loved you, there is something that I've never said.

I just wanted to tell you that I hate you. I hate you for leaving your hand
print scarred on my face. To face all horrors and hate within life hand in
hand? What a load of shit. Things went a different way to what you wanted,
you tried to beat it into some never ending night and left me here to pick
up your pieces.

I am the reason you are sick. I pushed you to this evil. It's my retribution
for turning you gay! I would burn in hell for the torture I put you and my
family through. All this echoes in my head at night. My mother told me that
she hated me for you told her I was gay. That all people like me were
nothing more than the idle toy of the Devil's hands. She blamed me for not
stopping you. For taking mummy's boy from her arms, from her breast where
once I rested. I was given the credit for something that was you. It was all
your choice to do what you did, it's time you took responsibility. I don't
condemn anyone to death. You killed my inner-self; I never wanted to hurt
you! I wanted to you to live forever with me. Until death do us part? Death
by natural causes... not from you breaking my bones and life! You fucking
coward! This is what you had me believing while I lay broken and dishevelled
at your feet.

Why couldn't you just stay with me. All I wanted was your love, all I wanted
with you. With you I had never felt more complete. I needed you. I needed
the stability that you gave me. You were my life, my everything. I hate you,
I despise you, I loathe you. You almost killed me without caring! Why the
hell couldn't you have talked to someone? Why leave me where it feels so
cold? This world is scary now, there's no one there to take my hand when I
need to cry. There's no one there when I just need to be held. There's no
one here to remind me that loving isn't wrong. Damn you... you fucking
asshole! I just want you, need you.

You decided that two and a half years was worth nothing? Who are you to have
made that decision on your own? I thought we were partners in everyway.
Decisions, choices, life and eternity.

Almost made you love me, almost made you cry, almost made you happy. Then
again, everyone knows that almost doesn't count. Actually it stands for
sweet fuck all.

I never thought I would still love you so many beatings on. You still find a
way to haunt me. I cleanse you from my thoughts, yet here you are again. How
many times have I said goodbye to you? You couldn't help but put the knife
in a little deeper towards the end. Your way of saving me was it? To push me
away so it wouldn't hurt. You hurt me more with your "saving" me. I couldn't
love you with one foot outside the door. Is that what you thought? You
almost convinced me this was true. Then I realised, love knows no limits, it
doesn't understand distance, time certainly means nothing.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Those are lyrics from
a song. They may sounds like shit, I wish they were. You hit me on so many
levels that I don't know what way is up anymore. You bashed my face, you
beat upon my heart and slammed against my brain. Jesus Christ, being beaten
was never meant to be so complete. My scars were never just physical, my
heart feels like you used it to, I don't even know what the fuck you did
with it.

This has got to be the first time I've yelled and I haven't heard you yell
back at me and raise a hand. Is it because you finally know that I am right,
that I've worked you out? That I've called you on exactly what you are? A
coward? That's exactly what you are. A coward. If you loved me like you told
me you did, then half this shit wouldn't have happened. You would still be
here and we would be together.

To make you understand how you make me feel, I wish I could take you to my
world, maybe then you would see the damage you've created. I could so easily
blame you for future failed relationships, saying I compare them to you.
That's bullshit though, I won't compare them to you. I'll try to replace you
with them. I have so many expectations. They aren't you and never will be.
They are people of their own minds, personalities and dependence. Next time,
should there be one, they aren't your replacement, they aren't you
comparison. They are who they are, and for some reason I don't think you'll
hold a candle to them. Just because they aren't cowardly enough to kill
themselves or hide like you did. I am NOT offering you my heart anymore. You
killed me remember.

I hate you so much. Then why do I still cry myself to sleep over you? I am I
really that messed up? Only time will tell. Though I've now worked out that
I don't need you to haunt me anymore. I was going to take today off work
because of you. Why let you get to me that I have to suffer and hide from
the world. No fuck you asshole, I'm going to stand on my own two feet and
find my own demons to torture me, not some ghost of the past who can't
release his grip. The only problem with that is that I also have to let go
of my grip on you, the ghost. Christ, I've left the state of living in which
we were, I've left - I'm letting go. Please release my hand.

Maybe I will understand what you did, but not today. Today is about my
moving on and forgetting you. Me letting you rest in peace, and me, living
my life as best I can.

If this is the last time I shall talk to you I don't know, but what I do
know is, you aren't my life anymore. I have my own life and if you don't
like it... TOUGH! I've had enough Jay. I've torn my head apart trying to pull
the thoughts of you from my brain. Scratched at the broken skin trying to
bleed you out. Trying to expell from my heart, this love that you gave me.
This love that is broken and wrong. This love that you assured me would
never end. This love that left me broken on the floor so many times. This
love that is black and blue. This bruised love.

	Mitch.
**


Andrew gently lowered the letter and looked out at the building that stared
back. Andrew tilted his head and tried to make sense of what was happening
in Mitch's head. Andrew shivered despite himself and stood to return inside
as he heard the phone ring. He turned and saw cameron standing there talking
on the phone. Andrew walked up behind his lover and gently placed a hand on
his shoulder. Cameron turned and looked at Andrew and mouthed 'Mitch' to
him. Andrew nodded and retured to the balcony and his coffee.

   "Andrew, we're going." Cameron called. Andrew leapt and turned around.

   "It's Mitch, Jay's turned up at work." Andrew was moving before Cameron
finished talking. The pair were out the door not five minutes later.


Andrew and Cameron ran into the shop were attendants were standing around
looking visibly distressed. Andrew approached one.

   "Excuse me, is Mitch here?" He asked. The girl nodded dumbly.

   "Can you take me to him please?" Andrew tried again. The girl just
nodded, a vacant look in her eyes. She lead him to the managers office and
knocked lightly.

   "Yes?" Came a soft, yet gruff voice from the other side of the door.

   "It's Belinda, there's people here for Mitch." The girl, Belinda, said
softly. The door opened and Andrew and Cameron were admitted. Once inside
the office, Mitch flew into Andrew's arms.

   "What's happened? Are you ok?" Cameron asked him. Andrew looked at the
manager.

   "Jason turned up and created a scene. He tried to take a swing at Mitch.
We were lucky that he wasn't in range. By the time he was, we had security
here." The manager said. Andrew nodded and held Mitch, gently stroking his
hair. When Mitch had calmed enough to be taken from the store the manager
looked at him seriously.

   "Mitch, I want you to know we're all behind you in this. You are to take
the rest of the week off. All the shifts you were meant to work will be
paid." The manager said. Mitch nodded his head gently. Andrew and Cameron
shook hands with the manager as they gently led Mitch from the office.


When the three got home Mitch wandered off slightly from Andrew and Cameron.
Andrew noticed and moved over to his friend.

   "Mitch, are you holdin up ok?" Mitch just nodded his head and walked away
to lie down. Cameron came up and pulled Andrew back against him.

   "There's nothing you can do babe, just accept that it's going to happen.
He's going to need to pull away for a while. Cameron pointed out and Andrew
nodded. Andrew kissed Cameron gently.

   "I've got to head to work. Message me if you or Mitch need anything."
Andrew said. Cameron nodded and Andrew wandered of to shower and prepare for
work. Cameron stood there watching Mitch's door, then made his way down
towards the door to check on his friend.

**
Cameron slipped into the room where Mitch was asleep on the bed. A notebook
open beside him, which Cameron reached over to pick up and put it on the
desk. As he did he glanced at the passage written there


>From where I sit now after my previous tirade, the world is bright and and
calm. Yet I feel disconnected, though disconnected is the wrong word. I find
it disconcerting that things are the way they are but I remain optimistic
that the world is right. For once I have no quarrels with anything or
anyone, though I think that is because the energy and will today has
evaporated. The day is returning to as it should be, life flowing by with
wind under it's wings and lifting it to the heavens where God can lean down
and kiss it's sweetness and renew the freedom that exists with everything
around it.

The fact that things are right is only a good sign, anything else would ruin
this day of peace, broken only by the happy chatter of a small children
running along the sidewalk. It's sweet melody that plays to the ears of
those who will listen. It's a blessing long since forgotten but always
remembered. Perhaps this world isn't as forbidding as I thought. Not the
wilted rose pierced by it's own browned thorns but instead the makings of a
time that is meant for peace and a return to the innocence that once
prevailed through a serene land.

I'm still happy to know, that all is as it should be. I dont know if I am as
I should be. What normal person has some many confusions, dramas and
misfortunes. Perhaps this is where I should remember, that we aren't normal,
we're all individual and our own person. A person who creates their own
style, their own unique sense.

After Jay appearing in the store today, I didn't know what to think. It
shattered the illusion that it was all over. Andy and Cam said it was all
over and I believed them. Though I know it's not their fault, they've done
their best to protect me and keep me safe always. What type of friend am I?
I'm sitting here, in their home, which they don't let me put a cent towards
and blaming Jay on them. I can only blame it upon myself.

There's moments when we look to the ground and see a gap growing. It's
splitting at our feet and the ideas and beliefs we built our empire on are
starting to slip through. No stone is built so strong as to face that as our
own when we turn to evaluate ourselves.

The fear of the beast, is not so much the falling but that which has already
fallen. We are consumed by trying to stay afloat and then when it finally
gives, we are left free-falling to an unknown. When we land, our ideas, our
beliefs, our lives are scattered around us.

We can be building our empire and lives upon a mere thought, placing our
feet upon it to reach the next height. Then one action or word from another
can loosen the grip you had above you and unbalance that which is below.
Self-doubt plagues the mind and makes you second guess most activities you
do.

Then with luck you find Angels. They smacks you around the back of the head
in a mass wake up call to sort yourself out. They deliver the news the way
it should be with no padding and no pretense. It's a walking confusion until
she arrives, their halo glowing and quiet words tender, whilst still being
hard enough that your ass is still smarting three weeks later from where
they've kicked it. They may be an Angel, but no one said that they are
always gentle.

You can be so consumed by the thoughts of ill-tidings that you forget about
the good-tidings that people can bring. It seems that these people are
Angels in disguise. Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet, when it
would seem our own wings are unable to remember how to fly. That or that
kick us so far up the ass that we don't have a choice. Such is life.

Self-doubt is the first step to learning, accepting is the second and
realizing that learning never stops is the final.
**

Cameron smiled at his friends words and closed the book gently. It was
obvious Mitch was healing. Gently he placed the notebook on the desk. He
glanced back at Mitch and got lost in his thoughts.

   "Thanks for all your help Cam, it's meant a lot." Said Mitch still facing
away from Cameron. The words shook Cameron from his reverie. He sat down
quickly beside his friend.

   "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you." Said Cameron reaching out to lay his
hand on the Mitch's shoulder. Mitch rolled over and looked at Cam.

   "You didn't, I was awake. Can't sleep, so just lay here with my eyes
closed. Cameron nodded. Mitch looked at Cameron.

   "Did you read what I wrote?" He asked. Cameron nodded and looked down.
Mitch shook his head.

   "It's fine. I don't mind. I am thankful to you and Andy though." Mitch
said. Cameron smiled and leant down and kissed Mitch's forehead.

   "That's fine Mitch, we know and we're just glad to help you when we can.
Now scoot over and I'll lie with you for a while if you want." Mitch nodded
and moved over to make room for Cameron on the bed.

   "Is there a reason for the way we feel? The highs, the lows and
everything thing in between. Our own inability as humans to let it all out.
The way we attach ourselves to our haunting inner-demons of the past. Demons
of pain and unbearable torture which linger within our hearts and minds.
Demons which we can't control. They exist independent within our souls. They
haunt us as long as we will let them, or so the myth says. We may think we
have them beaten only to find out they have recurred and are stronger than
ever before." Asked Mitch. Cameron was quiet for a moment before answering.

   "Passion." He told Mitch. "We have a passion to live, to not sit in a
corner and let the world pass us by. We are enabled to be passionate about
love. That feeling that makes our hearts flutter. The feeling that makes us
feel more alive every day. We are given for hardships for it is human nature
to fight being beaten. It is against our nature to sit back and accept an
unfair hand thrown at us by a life which understands no pain nor fear. No
justice nor intensity. It also means that we revisit where we've been so we
can grow and learn from them. Which means sometimes the inner-demons can
hurt, but they also remind us why we need to feel the passion to grow and to
move on."

   "They come to attack at the moment in which we are weak. The weaker we
become the more controlling and daunting they become until their original
strength overshadows anything we have experienced with them before." Mitch
struggled to justify in his own mind.  "We are incapable of life without
affection. What you are saying is we are driven by life, love and hardship.
Three different forms of unadulterated passion. Do we truly comprehend the
life blood of passion that flows through our hearts and lives?" Cameron
stayed quiet, carefully considering how best to reply to Mitch's question.
Mitch watched intently, as the question drifted through Cameron's mind
before he finally opened his mouth.

   "We pass so many passion broken people every day. They are dead on the
street and most of them have 9 – 5 jobs. They are not driven by passion,
rather the monotony of life. They are listless and unable to comprehend the
wonder and awe of passion. I thank god for the fact I have a reason for
being a live. The existence of passion within my life that means I am alive.
That's my personal belief for me Mitch. You need to decide your own."
Cameron said kissing him lightly on the forehead. Standing, Cameron walked
out leaving Mitch to his thoughts.


---
Ok, a somewhat introspective chapter. What do you think?
Feedback, as always, is appreciated.
Take care, Daniel M.