Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2010 21:56:20 -0400
From: pertinax carrus <perti@live.com>
Subject: Bryce, Chapter 15
This story is fiction. The city of Clifton, and the University of Clifton,
exist only in my imagination. Any resemblance to real persons, living or
dead, is purely coincidental. These stories have as their main character a
sexually active gay college student. If this is offensive to you, or if it
is illegal in your area, or if you are under age, please leave now.
This story involves a search for personal acceptance, worth, and meaning.
There is a religious element in these stories. If you don't like that,
maybe now is a good time to leave.
My stories develop slowly. If you're in a hurry, this is probably not for
you.
Thanks to Colin for editing.
Constructive criticism is welcome on my e-mail at perti@live.com.
____________________________________________________________________
Bryce, Chapter 15 - Back in the Saddle
True to his prediction, after working to clean up after the SAT
cook-out on Labor Day, Bryce did not arise at six a.m. the following
morning as he usually did. Oddly enough, he had no more difficulty than
usual getting Damon up in time for his English class. Over a quick
breakfast, Damon explained that he often was up late, which according to
him proved the benefits of staying up late at night and avoiding early
morning exercise. Bryce was not convinced.
Both guys had English classes beginning at 9:30, but Damon was in a
sophomore level survey of English literature course, while Bryce was in his
Milton class. When he showed up for Milton looking the worse for wear,
Mike Sandoval teased him, making fun of his pledging activities associated
with SAT, but declined to commit himself on what the pledges in his
fraternity had been doing the previous day. That, he said, was something
only members and pledges needed to know. Mike remained a good friend,
despite his obvious disappointment that Bryce had chosen to pledge a rival
fraternity. It was Mike who suggested that it might be useful for some of
them to get together from time to time to go over the Milton materials, as
it would be quite a bit to digest by the time they got to the mid-term
examination Dr. Drake had scheduled. Maddy Moore overheard this remark and
responded that she had been thinking the same thing, so she was definitely
interested. Before and after class, some six students expressed an
interest, with Mike taking the lead in finding a place to meet, and a time
which was possible for all six of them. He would let people know on
Thursday what he had arranged.
Bryce was still uncertain about Mike's sexual orientation. He did not
want to offend his friend by assuming that his younger brother's remark was
necessarily true, but at the same time, if Mike actually were gay, maybe he
could help with some of the issues which still troubled Bryce. Mike seemed
to be at ease with his Catholicism, while for Bryce there seemed to be an
insuperable barrier between what he believed as a Catholic and what he felt
as a gay male. Not only because of his background, but also because of
what he believed to be a spiritual experience on his first Sunday at
St. Boniface, Bryce was unwilling to consider separating from the Catholic
Church. He also was convinced that neither Father Payne nor either of the
deacons at St. Boniface would be very helpful in this struggle. They
tended to repeat standard teachings without much depth to their sermons, so
Bryce assumed their spiritual counseling would be along those same lines.
That was fine for people with no serious problems with Vatican
pronouncements, but was no help at all for someone like himself.
Consequently, Bryce was on the look-out for someone who could give him some
suggestions, and, if Mike were indeed gay, he seemed a likely candidate.
Try as he might, though, Bryce could not discern any really strong clues.
As far as he knew, Mike was not involved in a heterosexual relationship,
like Curtis and Maddy, but there was nothing about him which indicated
homosexuality either. He remained a mystery, and as long as he was a
mystery, he was no help in resolving Bryce's dilemmas.
After class, Bryce, Mike, Maddy, and another student called Jennifer
Simpson went to the library to put in a little time on their research
projects. As they entered, Mike remembered that the library had some
student study areas which were open around the clock, but he did not know
whether one might be reserved for a special study group, so he went off to
check on that. The other three went into the stacks, and resumed their
individual researches. About a half hour later, Mike reappeared to inform
then that the study group would meet in a particular room, which was
reserved for them alone, on Wednesday evenings from seven to ten. He would
contact the other interested students by e-mail rather than wait until
Thursday, so they could begin the next day. Bryce thanked Mike, and made a
note of the day, time, and place.
Shortly after noon, he left to meet Damon at the University Center.
This was not a downstairs day, so they went through the cafeteria line,
making jokes about what some of the offerings might be. This seemed to
annoy a supervisor behind the counter, but the student workers had big
grins on their faces. The two guys found a table and settled in to have
some lunch. It was not bad, it was just bland and tasteless. Fortunately,
Bryce and Damon were so interested in each other they did not mind very
much.
After a review of their respective mornings, Bryce asked, "What do you
know about Mike? In one of your patented disappearing acts, you indicated
that you might know something about him being gay."
Damon grinned at that description of his activities. He answered,
"It's just the vibes I get, man. I can't explain it, but I know he's gay,
too."
"That's no help. Is this that mysterious gaydar I've heard about?"
"I guess. I've heard it called that. But when I meet another gay
guy, I get these signals, like," Damon asserted. "I've never been wrong
yet. I knew about you, didn't I, Dude?"
"Okay, if gays have this ability to recognize each other, how come I
have no idea whether Mike is gay or not?" Bryce asked.
"Simple, Dude," Damon replied. "You're too new at this, and too
unsure of yourself. Once you fully accept that you're gay, and get to know
some other gay guys, your gaydar will click in, I bet."
"Sounds kind of doubtful to me, like Ouija or holding a s‚ance,"
Bryce complained.
"You think too much," Damon concluded.
After lunch, the two friends departed for the Fitness Center. Bryce
would be attending his karate class, while Damon would be learning more
about soccer. Things were not going all that well in the karate class, and
it had nothing to do with the instructor. Ms. Cheng certainly seemed to
know what she was doing. The problem was, Bryce didn't.
Ms. Cheng led them through a series of moves, almost like the ballet
Wayne, the homophobic guy in the dorm, so despised. As long as she was
leading, telling them exactly what to do, Bryce did fine. He certainly had
no physical problems doing the exercises. Bryce was athletic enough, as
indicated by his prowess on the soccer field. And he did not think he was
especially klutzy. But he simply could not get his head around the series
of moves his instructor seemed to want. He could do each move, but he
found himself as often as not doing the wrong move. On that Tuesday after
the Labor Day holiday, Bryce seemed especially dense. Ms. Cheng had to
correct him over and over. Finally, she said, "You just don't seem to be
getting it, Bryce. I'm going to assign you a personal instructor. One of
the students who is getting things easily."
Bryce hoped it would be one of the hot looking guys in the class.
Instead, to his deep chagrin, Bryce was assigned to work with a girl. She
was a very intense girl, named Caroline Koehler, who, admittedly, seemed to
be doing everything right. Caroline in fact seemed to take to karate like
the proverbial duck to water. Somewhat diffidently, Caroline approached
Bryce.
"Hi. Mrs. Cheng indicated you were having some troubles with these
latest manoeuvers," Caroline began.
"Yeah, well, just a temporary glitch. I'll be fine," Bryce insisted.
"This isn't the first time you've had problems," Caroline observed.
"I've kind of noticed you."
"Oh, you have, have you?" Bryce replied, not feeling very cooperative.
In fact, he felt totally humiliated at being assigned a female fellow
student to help him with his karate moves. This resulted in something less
than his usual level of courtesy. "I think I can do it on my own, thanks,"
he insisted.
But then, when he tried doing it on his own, as he moved from one set
to another, he got confused, his feet became embrangled, so that he tripped
himself, and landed on his keister. Caroline could not help laughing,
which only ticked off Bryce all the more. Fortunately, it was time for the
end of the class then, so Ms. Cheng brought Bryce's torture to an end.
As class broke up, Caroline said, "I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"No problem," Bryce replied. "I was in a foul mood. Didn't get
enough sleep last night. Not your fault. Everything will be okay by next
week."
"Well, okay," Caroline said, obviously not convinced. "I'll see you
next week. Unless you decide to come by Rebecca Ruth again, that is."
"Rebecca Ruth?" Bryce replied, mystified.
"Yeah. Wasn't that you who came by, with that black guy, back during
the first week of the semester?" Caroline asked.
"Oh! Oh yeah. You mean the Home Ec building. I forgot about that.
Great desserts. But what's your connection there?" Bryce unwisely asked.
So Caroline explained to him, at great length, that Home Ec was no
longer the proper identification of the discipline. She was a Culinary
Science minor, she said. Home Ec was kind of demeaning, putting women in
an inferior place, whereas Culinary Science rightly placed it on the same
level as other vocational disciplines. Besides, there were guys in
Culinary Science these days, who probably would not have signed up if it
were still called Home Ec.
Bryce had a flash picture of effeminate guys cooking cakes, then was
thoroughly ashamed of himself. This stereotype did not mesh very well with
his recent acceptance of the fact that he was gay. But it was recent, and
he had a lot of revising of previous impressions to do.
"You're blushing!" Caroline laughed.
"Just ... ah, well ... Okay. You said you were a Culinary Science
minor. What's your major?" he asked, just to change the subject.
"Music," she replied. "I play the violin. I'm a string major. And
I'm in the chamber music quartet," she replied proudly. "Sometime you'll
have to come hear us perform. But you're avoiding the main point. I'll be
glad to help you next week if you have trouble getting the moves right.
Got to go now. I have a rehearsal." And so Caroline disappeared down the
walkway, leaving Bryce more confused than ever.
Damon came along. He had been in his soccer class. Thanks to his
experiences on Saturday, he did better than previously. He observed
Caroline as she disappeared down the path. "Nice looking girl. In your
class?"
"Yeah. She wants to teach me the proper moves," Bryce said, without
realizing the double entendre implied.
Damon picked up right away. "You be careful. You're mine, not up for
grabs."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Then, understanding flooding in, he
laughed, "No way, man. Even if I were straight. You've got to be
kidding."
Damon grinned. This time he had Bryce at a disadvantage.
They spent some time helping finish the clean-up at the fraternity
house, but most of it was done before they got there by pledges who had
more free time on a Tuesday afternoon. They were under orders to show up
again at the business meeting, which began at 7:30, but pledges were to be
there no later than 7:15. Still, that was three hours away, and the only
thing scheduled was dinner. Bryce wanted to work on one of his class
assignments, but Damon had something else in mind. They discussed their
options as they made their way back to Clay Hall. Bryce felt he had
established a sufficiently close relationship with Damon, especially after
his admission of his homosexuality during their conversation in the park,
that he could ask his neighbor to assist him with his Psychology "research
project." He had hesitated previously because some of the questions seemed
quite personal, yet some of the tests seemed to require a second person to
administer or evaluate them. Damon, on the other hand, wanted to begin
Bryce's instruction in gayness by introducing him to some gay web sites.
By the time they reached the dorm, a compromise had been reached. Damon
would help Bryce with his Psychology project, but not today, and in return
Bryce would help Damon in his World History course, which had a short quiz
coming up. But at least an hour before departing for dinner, Bryce would
allow Damon to show him some sites on the internet which he thought were
what he called "informative."
Professor Dickinson had scheduled a quiz for Friday, September 18, in
Damon's World History course. This was not a major test, but rather a ten
minute quiz, consisting merely of identifying five out of seven terms the
Professor would write on the board. It counted for 10% of the student's
grade, but Dr. Dickinson warned the students that he expected their answers
to include what he called the "historical significance" of the terms, i.e.,
not just who or what, but why they were important. This first quiz would
cover the civilizations of ancient Asia and Africa, especially the origins
of civilization in Mesopotamia, Egypt, India, and China. That was a lot,
as Damon complained, but a course which claimed to cover the whole of World
History in two semesters was necessarily superficial, so they did not go
into anything very deeply. Bryce had a similar AP course in high school.
He identified a few major events and persons in each culture, and tried to
get Damon to see why they were important, and how they related to the
general pattern of developing civilizations. This approach seemed to make
sense to Damon, who found it easier than trying to memorize each detail
independently.
About five thirty, Damon took over, utilizing Bryce's computer to
access some sites he knew about which he thought might give his boyfriend
some useful information about being gay. If Bryce thought Damon a
difficult student when it came to history, that was nothing compared to
Bryce's naivit‚ with respect to homosexuality and gay sex. His
knowledge was entirely theoretical at this point. So, Damon led him
through a number of sites which depicted various types of gay sexual
activity. "You have to find out what appeals to you, and what doesn't,"
Damon insisted, "and it's a lot safer doing it on the web than trying it in
person." The BDSM sites were a definite turn-off, which Damon found with
relief. Bryce also had no interest in older, hairy men, nor did he find
piercings and tattoos (or what was called on some sites 'body art')
attractive. Bryce's comment was, "Those guys must not like their bodies
very much, if they mutilate them like that." By the time they had gone
through a series of sites, they were pleased to find that their tastes were
quite similar, a good sign for their future relationship. Then, before
departing for dinner, Damon introduced Bryce to some sites devoted to
narratives with gay themes. The visual images were fine, he said, but from
them alone you have no real idea what people are thinking and feeling.
Read some stories. It was almost a homework assignment.
At 7:15 that evening Bryce, Damon, and the other pledges were gathered
in the large meeting room at the Sigma Alpha Tau house. Curtis, in his
capacity as Pledge Master, introduced the pledges to their faculty sponsor,
Dr. John A. Dickinson, who greeted them, mentioning that he had already met
some of them in his professional capacity. As he said this, his gaze
rested on Bryce, which let Bryce know he was being observed. He remembered
his initial interview with Professor Dickinson, so he knew that gaze meant
there would be no special treatment. Curtis then told the pledges that,
during the meeting, they would be given specific information and
assignments. The pledges were lined up in chairs near the front of the
room, where a table was set up for the presiding officer. By the time
these messages had been delivered, the room was beginning to fill up with
the SAT brothers.
Tom Blankenship, the President, opened the meeting. The
Vice-President led the Pledge of Allegiance and the fraternity Chaplain led
a non-denominational prayer. Then, there was a motion that, because of the
presence of the pledges, the reading of the minutes of the last meeting be
postponed until after the recess. That taken care of, Tom relinquished the
gavel to Curtis. He introduced each of the new pledges, and asked each to
say a few words about himself, such as class, major, and home town, along
with any special interests. Then, Curtis began his instruction of the
pledges, which was carried out in front of the entire assembly in order to
remind the brothers of the duties of the pledges, and also so that the
pledges knew that all the brothers were aware of what they were supposed to
do. To the relief of Bryce, Curtis also reminded the brothers of the
prohibition against hazing, and the limits of what could be demanded of
pledges. He then proceeded to several specific requirements of all
pledges.
First, Curtis informed the pledges, there were business meetings of
the fraternity each Tuesday evening at 7:30, which only members and the
fraternity advisor, Dr. Dickinson, were permitted to attend. However, the
pledge class was divided in half, with half responsible for being 'on call'
each week. This would be an every other week duty for each individual
pledge. If for some reason a pledge was not able to meet on his assigned
date, he was responsible for finding a substitute and informing his mentor.
Being 'on call' basically meant running errands for the brothers during the
meetings. Such errands most often consisted of getting drinks
(non-alcoholic for these meetings), looking for a missing officer who was
late ("Find Bob Balducci and tell him the meeting has begun."), or fetching
something from the fraternity office ("Bryce, bring me the yearbook from
two years ago."). The pledges would be stationed in the outer room, with
the doors closed, but had better be there when needed. When necessary,
they would communicate with the brothers through the Sergeant-at-Arms, who
would be on the other side of the doors. Bryce and Damon were both in the
half of the pledge class which would be 'on call' beginning next Tuesday.
Second, the pledges were informed that the fraternity scheduled a
party on Friday evening every other week. There would be some adjustments
for breaks, but beginning a week from Friday, on September 18, they could
count on being there every other Friday. They had all been present for the
party on Labor Day, so they knew what to expect. For the remainder of the
semester, until the last business meeting before final exams, which would
be 8 December, when the brothers would vote on accepting the pledges as
brothers, the pledges were essentially servants of the fraternity,
responsible for making sure the parties came off smoothly. It will be a
pledge who sits at the door, collecting money and checking identifications.
It will be a pledge who will be responsible for making sure that the supply
of food never runs out at various locations around the house. It will be a
pledge who will be responsible for keeping the keg of beer current, and
setting up a replacement when one ran low. When the weather begins to turn
cool, it will be a pledge who will be responsible for checking jackets and
coats, and making certain none gets lost. If a party-goer over indulged
and vomited, it will be a pledge who cleaned it up [Bryce made a gagging
noise at that, which those who knew of his experience on Monday found
humorous]. And it will be a pledge who has to make certain those too far
gone to drive do not get behind the wheel of a car, and those who collapse
into a drunken stupor are accommodated with a bed until morning. Finally,
it will be the pledges who clean the house after each party, and prepare it
for the next.
The third major item covered at this meeting was the assignment of
mentors. Curtis informed the pledges that each of them had a brother who
would be his special advisor on everything related to the fraternity. He
was to report to his mentor at least once each week on his progress in his
classes and his fraternity related assignments. The mentor would act as a
big brother, assisting the pledge in learning what it meant to be a brother
of Sigma Alpha Tau. The mentor would also inform the pledges of some
additional obligations. There would be certain civic responsibilities, as
well as such matters as attending home football games as a group, but the
mentors would give the pledges further instructions about those matters.
Then, the assignments were made. Damon was assigned to DuBois Kennedy, to
his considerable satisfaction. Bryce was less enthusiastic about his big
brother, who was Mack Campbell, presumably because of their shared interest
in soccer. At this point, a recess was called. During the recess, each
pledge was to meet individually with his mentor, and make arrangements for
a meeting when they could get together to complete the instructions alluded
to in the general meeting, and anything else that might come up. Then, the
other half of the pledge class would take up their duties in the outer
room, while the half to which Bryce and Damon belonged were dismissed.
Bryce sought out Mack Campbell. They exchanged contact information,
and agreed on meeting the next afternoon at 3:30 here at the house for the
remaining portions of Bryce's instruction about pledging. On the way back
to the dorm, Damon was going on about how pleased he was to have DuBois as
his big brother, even if he was a Cincinnati Reds fan. Then, he noticed
that Bryce was not nearly as enthusiastic about his mentor.
"What's the matter? I would have thought you'd get along fine with
Mack, since you're both nuts about soccer."
"Yeah. And I guess that's what Curtis was thinking when he made the
assignments. But at the party last night, Mack came across as pretty full
of himself, and this evening, when we were setting up a time to meet, he
kind of let me know he was in charge, and what I wanted came a very distant
second," Bryce complained.
"Can you get a different big brother?"
"I don't know. But if I asked, it would probably piss off Mack, and I
don't want to start out in SAT with an enemy. I'll just have to be
careful," Bryce decided.
"I already have an enemy. Bick."
"Yeah. Bick's an asshole, and technically still a brother, but pretty
effectively neutralized. I'm sure Mack will be nothing like Bick."
"I hope not, for your sake. This is a three month long relationship
we're starting," Damon reminded his boyfriend.
The next day, Bryce began with his usual early morning work-out, with
Curtis along as usual, too. He knew he could not presume on that
connection as far as the fraternity was concerned, but he might be able to
find out some other things.
"How well do you know Mike Sandoval?" Bryce asked.
"So so. We're both juniors, but he's in English and I'm in
Engineering, so we have no classes together, and, of course, he's not in
SAT. Far as I know, he's a decent guy. Why?"
"I keep running into him. He's in my English class, where he's
organizing a study group, and we go to the same church," Bryce explained,
not wanting to mention the possibility that Mike might be gay. It wasn't
that he thought Curtis would be hostile, but rather that he did not know
how Mike would feel about it if he found that Bryce was discussing his
sexual orientation, especially if he were not gay.
Inspired by the example of Mike, in his Psychology and History classes
Bryce suggested forming study groups. He did not feel sufficiently
confident, nor did he know the other students well enough, to make the
suggestion in French, and he would not do anything without checking with
Damon in Biology. His suggestion fell flat in Psychology. He got the
impression that most of the students with whom he spoke had done at least a
little with those personality tests, and were feeling self-conscious.
Maybe later, if he got to know some of them better, it might fly. However,
in History the suggestion was welcomed by several of his fellow students.
Their first exam was scheduled for September 23, just two weeks away, so a
few of them were getting nervous. Bryce might be only a freshman, but his
questions and comments in class had impressed at least some of the other
students with his command of the material. So, he was accepted as some
kind of leader, and agreed to play the same role there that Mike did in
English, finding a place and time to meet. He gathered contact information
from those who expressed an interest, and also when they could not meet.
However, he could not follow up immediately. His appointment with
Mack Campbell was for 3:30 at the Sigma Alpha Tau house, so he hurried
across campus. He was in the house by 3:30, but Mack was waiting for him.
"Listen, Pledge, when you have an appointment with a brother, you be
there on time," Mack began.
"Sorry, I thought I was," Bryce excused himself.
"Not by my watch," Mack replied. "This is not a good start."
"Sorry. I'll be more careful in the future."
"See that you are. Now, I know Curtis paired us because we're both
into soccer. He mentioned it when he asked me to be your big brother. So
I expect you to turn out for all the house soccer games. But in addition,
I'm on the varsity team. It really is not convenient for me to mentor
someone during the fall, so I'm doing this as a favor to Curtis. I want
you there for our home varsity games as well, got it?"
"Yes, sir. Do you have a game schedule?"
"You can get that off the web site. Now, there are some other things
I'm supposed to tell you about. SAT agreed some time ago to be responsible
for cleaning up along a stretch of the highway leading to the airport. We
do that every other Saturday morning, unless the weather is actually
dangerous, like storming or icy. A little light rain never hurt anyone,
got it?"
"Yes sir. Is that this coming Saturday?"
"Yes, it is. I expect you to be there. Only a dire emergency will
excuse you, and you need to clear that with me ahead of time."
Bryce wondered how one could know of a dire emergency ahead of time,
but he decided it would be better not to ask.
"Gather here at the house at seven in the morning until it gets too
dark. Then we'll start later. But for now, be here on Saturday at seven,
got it?"
"Yes, sir."
"This fraternity has a reputation for being civic minded, so if you
want to be a brother of SAT, you'll have to get used to things like this.
One more thing. We voted that the entire house, including pledges, would
attend all the home football games as a group. So we expect you to be
there. Bring a date. The more people, the more noise, so let's show some
school spirit, got it?"
"Yes, sir."
"Now, here's the SAT handbook. There's a lot of information about the
fraternity in here. By next week, I want you to know the pledge, the
anthem, and the history of the organization, got it?"
"Yes, sir."
"Now, after all that, I'm kind of dry, so run down to the basement and
get me a beer. I want a Michelob. Then you can go. Same time next week,
got it?"
"Yes, sir."
Bryce considered that it was a good thing that DuBois had taken him
and Damon downstairs last week when they came by for the open house, as no
one else had as yet actually told him about the lounge in the basement. He
had a feeling he was going to be doing a good deal of fetching for Mack.
Well, at least he was learning what he would not do as a big brother if he
were ever in that position in the years to come.
Bryce decided not to discuss his meeting with Mack with Damon, or
anyone else, until he had time to assess his feelings. After leaving the
house, all he wanted was to punch the egotistical SOB in the face. Maybe
that was part of the initiation.
That evening, Bryce turned up at the library a good half hour before
the time when their Milton study group was scheduled for its first meeting.
He consulted with the librarian on duty about scheduling a similar location
for the History group. He was pleased to find that a room was available on
Thursdays, so he scheduled it for the same hours, seven to ten, as the
Milton group and sent off an e-mail to all who had expressed an interest.
He now had commitments four nights most weeks, with the fraternity every
other Tuesday, the Milton group on Wednesday, the History group on
Thursday, and the fraternity parties every other Friday. Attending college
and pledging a fraternity were clearly time consuming activities, but that
was not necessarily a bad thing. For one thing, he would get back to his
dorm room too late to receive his mother's nightly calls. For another,
this might keep him from obsessing about his sexual orientation, and how
that played into his family relations and his religious beliefs. He would
have to deal with those issues, but with too much time on his hands, there
was the danger of losing his sense of balance.
The Milton group turned out to be very compatible. All six of the
original members were serious about their studies, but also open to a
little light distraction from time to time. A good joke at the expense of
old John, who sometimes seemed entirely too serious, was always
appreciated. By the time they broke up, Bryce felt he knew his fellow
students, and especially Mike and Maddy, much better. He certainly felt
comfortable with them, even with Mike making teasing remarks about his
freshman status and his poor taste in fraternities. By the time he got
back to the dorm, he knew the distractions of rush week and Labor Day were
behind him, and he was back in the academic saddle again.