Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2010 16:19:39 -0400
From: pertinax carrus <perti@live.com>
Subject: Bryce, Chapter 18

This story is fiction.  The city of Clifton, and the University of Clifton,
exist only in my imagination.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or
dead, is purely coincidental.  These stories have as their main character a
sexually active gay college student.  If this is offensive to you, or if it
is illegal in your area, or if you are under age, please leave now.

This story involves a search for personal acceptance, worth, and meaning.
There is a religious element in these stories.  If you don't like that,
maybe now is a good time to leave.

My stories develop slowly.  If you're in a hurry, this is probably not for you.

Thanks to Colin for editing.

Constructive comments are welcome on my e-mail at perti@live.com.

____________________________________________________________________

Bryce, Chapter 18 - Life Goes On

     During those weeks in September when Bryce was coming to grips with
the reality of his sexual orientation with Damon's help, life continued in
other ways.  There were classes to be met, tests to be taken, meetings to
attend, friends to see.  The two study groups with which Bryce was involved
both seemed to be developing well, and to be great helps in mastering the
materials in his English and History courses.  There were no similar groups
in his other classes, but he seemed to be doing fairly well in all of them,
with the possible exception of karate.  He still felt himself an outsider
in French, but he was doing well on the exams.  In Biology, where both he
and Damon shared the class, they studied together, and did quite well on
the tests.  Rather than a mid-term exam, Professor Harris gave a twenty
minute quiz every two weeks.  That was fine for now, but when it came to
the final exam, there would be a lot to catch up on.
     While Bryce had been the initiator in organizing the History study
group, he felt as though he were following in the footsteps of Mike
Sandoval.  Mike had organized the Milton group, which met on Wednesdays,
whereas the History group met on Thursdays.  Bryce often asked Mike's
advice when something came up in his group.  After all, Bryce was a
freshman, and the only freshman in both his English and his History class,
so he was sometimes unsure of himself in dealing with the other students.
He was afraid they might resent him in some way.  That did not happen,
however, and, as the History class had a major exam scheduled earlier in
the semester than did the Milton class, everyone in the group seemed
willing to put aside any small inconveniences, and focus on the materials
they were attempting to master.  Jack Datillo, the friend of Curtis
Manning, was a member of the History study group, and evidently said a few
complimentary things to Curtis about how Bryce was doing in the group and
in the course, as Curtis mentioned it a couple of times.
     The History group met on September 10 and 17.  As the first
examination in that class was scheduled for Wednesday, September 23, the
group wanted to meet again shortly before the exam, and the others decided
on the last Thursday evening before the exam that it was Bryce's
responsibility to find a time and place.  Fortunately, the Tuesday right
before the exam was not one on which Bryce was scheduled to be 'on call' at
the fraternity, so the majority of the group decided to meet then in an
extraordinary session.  Jack was concerned, as this would conflict with the
regular Sigma Alpha Tau business meeting.  After talking with some of the
officers over the weekend, however, he decided that nothing demanding his
presence would come up at that meeting, so he turned up at the study group
as well.  As this was not their normal meeting night, their usual place in
the library was not available, but on the Friday after their usual session,
Bryce noticed a seminar room in Filson Hall as he was hurrying to class.
After class, he asked to speak with Dr. Dickinson.
     "Yes, Mr. Winslow, what is it?" the Professor asked.
     "I noticed the room down the corridor with the long table.  I was
wondering whether it might be available for a bunch of us to meet to study
prior to our exam next week."
     "Ah, you refer to the European seminar room.  That is where some of
our smaller classes meet.  We in the European sector have managed to co-opt
this room, whereas our American cousins have a similar facility on the next
floor.  When is it you wish to make use of this facility?"
     "Well, sir, a group of us meet regularly on Thursday evenings in the
library, but as your examination is coming up on Wednesday, it was decided
yesterday that an additional study session would be helpful either Monday
or Tuesday, and Tuesday seemed to fit the schedules of most of us.
Unfortunately, our usual meeting place is not available then, so I've sort
of been delegated to find another place," Bryce explained.
     "Come along.  We'll see about that," Dr. Dickinson said.  He led Bryce
back to his office, then called the departmental office, asking the
departmental secretary, who evidently kept a list of what was scheduled
when and where, and found that the room was, indeed, free on Tuesday
evening.  Consequently, he scheduled the meeting, telling the secretary
that it was for his class.
     "I appreciate that very much, Dr. Dickinson," Bryce thanked him.
     "I am entrusting the situation to you, Mr. Winslow.  As you heard, I
scheduled the room in my own name, but, as you also know, I will be at the
Sigma Alpha Tau business meeting at that time.  I expect that you will
ensure that nothing disastrous takes place," Bryce was admonished.
     "Certainly, sir."
     "I don't believe you're familiar with the room.  Somewhat later in
your curriculum you will undoubtedly make use of it in a more formal
context.  But come along, let's take a look," Dr.  Dickinson invited him.
     They walked back down the corridor, and entered the room in question.
There was a large, heavy table which ran down the center of the room, with
chairs on either side which looked considerably more comfortable than the
usual student desks in the classrooms to which Bryce had thus far been
exposed.  Along both side walls there were bookshelves reaching from floor
to ceiling, stuffed with what Professor Dickinson described as "the
classics."  At one end of the room, there was a board, which most people
still called a blackboard, although it was not black and was not slate,
like the old fashioned ones, but was some artificial material on which one
wrote with a marker rather than chalk.  Above there was a screen, which
could be pulled down, covering most of the board.  Professor Dickinson
pointed out a projector mounted in the ceiling, controlled by a panel in
the corner of the room next to the screen.  Slides, transparencies, and
even videos could be projected onto the screen.  Built into the shelving
next to the control panel were several drawer-like files, which the
instructor also pointed out to Bryce.
     "In here are resting the slides and transparencies I have been using
in class.  If your group wishes to review them, you may do so.  However, I
admonish you to be very careful with them.  Some would be very difficult to
replace, as they were made from materials I brought back from Great Britain
on one or another of my trips."
     "That's very generous of you, Professor.  However, I'm not very adept
with such equipment.  I'm afraid I might damage something," Bryce backed
off.
     Dr. Dickinson considered that for a moment.  "I don't suppose Miss
Hunter or Mr. Datillo will be part of your group," he ventured.
     "Jack's a regular member of our group, but he's not certain at this
point about attending the special session.  As I said, the decision to have
this extra session just came up last night.  As you have indicated, the
regular SAT business meeting is on Tuesday, so he's going to check to see
whether there is anything on the agenda he cannot miss before committing
himself.  Kathy Hunter is not part of the group."
     "I see.  Well, Mr. Datillo has shown considerable ability in assisting
me with these visual aides in other classes, so if he should be part of the
group on Tuesday, he can operate this panel.  He has, in fact, done so
before.  I have not used his assistance in the class you and he share, as
Miss Hunter was quite insistent that she needed the experience, so I have
used her assistance in that class."
     "Thank you, again, Dr. Dickinson.  I will make certain nothing is
disturbed, and no one except Jack fools with the equipment," Bryce
promised.
     The other members of the study group were delighted with the
arrangements Bryce made, and with the fact that Jack would attend the
special session, so he could run the audio-visual equipment.  Dr. Dickinson
had used portraits of some of the important characters in British history
during the period from 1603 to 1649, and also some maps, charts, and
outlines which might be very useful.  Bryce found himself fascinated by the
portrait by Isaac Oliver of John Donne, who seemed as torn as he between
his religious and his sexual natures.  Sir Anthony van Dyck's triple
portrait of King Charles I likewise seemed to suggest a man who could not
make up his mind.  It all seemed so relevant, so far from the useless
dreaminess his father accused him of indulging.
     On Wednesday afternoon, when the examination took place, Bryce felt
confident of his performance.  The questions dealt with issues he had
considered, and he believed he had treated them with the detail and the
analysis they required.  His assessment was borne out when he received the
exam back on Friday.  Not only did he earn the grade of A, but also the
accolades of the Professor in remarks written in the margins.  This truly
was a source of satisfaction.  This seemed to answer another significant
question for Bryce.  He had chosen the right career, and would persevere in
it, despite the lack of encouragement from his father.  Bryce celebrated so
vigorously that Damon had to help him home from Pat's Tavern that Friday
night.
     Not all the members of the group were equally satisfied with their
grades.  One student in particular was upset with the Professor's comments
on his essay on the English Civil War.  Dr.  Dickinson had written "your
ignorance encompasses many fields, including chronology, theology, military
tactics, and grammar."  After class, the student complained loudly about
it.
     "Well, Derek," Bryce commented, "I told you not to say it was a
conflict between the Catholics and the Christians."
     "But there was that Archbishop and all," Derek complained.  "I don't
see the difference."
     "It was High Church Anglicans and Puritans, and they sure thought it
made a difference," Bryce responded.  "And I'm not real fond of the way you
phrased that, either."
     Another area in which life continued along its normal course during
these September days was their civic service at Sigma Alpha Tau fraternity.
As Mack had informed Bryce, the brothers and pledges gathered at seven in
the morning on Saturday, September 12 and 26, to clean up trash along the
highway leading to the Clifton airport.  They went in convoy to their
starting point, and spent much of the morning in this civic activity.  They
wore bright orange vests, and carried large black plastic bags, which they
filled with debris found along the right of way of the highway, and then
left to be picked up by state highway workers.  This was an activity shared
by both pledges and brothers, so it gave the pledges an opportunity to get
to know some of the fraternity members better.  At one point, Bryce found
himself working alongside Bob Balducci, the fraternity treasurer, who
proved to be an interesting fellow, a pre-law major in Criminal Justice who
had ambitions of being a leading criminal lawyer, dealing with high profile
cases such as one heard about in the news.  Bryce could not help but wonder
whether his mild personality would support such a career.
     Throughout the morning, the SATs gathered up discarded food and drink
containers, newspapers, and an amazing variety of other discards.  Damon
located a pair of female panties, while another pledge found a set of false
teeth.  It was odd how often footwear turned up - shoes, boots, flip-flops.
It made you wonder what people were doing in their vehicles.  Once the
stretch of highway assigned Sigma Alpha Tau had been covered, they all
piled into the convoy vehicles once again, and headed back to the house.
One of the first things just about every guy wanted to do was take a
shower.
     While they were policing the highway on the morning of September 12,
Bryce and Damon were talking about visiting the soup kitchen the next day.
Curtis happened to overhear their conversation, and asked them about it, so
they explained that this facility served hot meals to the homeless and to
other poor folks twice each day, at mid-day and in the evening.  They were
constantly short of help, and could use other kinds of support as well, in
terms of supplies and finances.  Damon and Bryce felt they could not work
every day, but did put in some time on Sundays.  Curtis thought this an
excellent kind of civic activity, and asked the two to make a presentation
to the next business meeting on Tuesday.
     That afternoon was a home football game, so everyone was expected to
turn out en masse to support the team.  Sigma Alpha Tau had a section of
the stadium reserved, and naturally wanted to fill that section to
capacity.  Hence, the brothers and pledges were encouraged to bring dates
to the game.  Bryce's mentor, Mack Campbell, let him know in no uncertain
terms that he was expected to be there, and to bring a date.  He was
uncertain how to respond to this ukase, or whom he should ask, or whether
it was honest to ask any female.  Damon, with his outgoing personality, had
no difficulty inviting someone from one of his classes.  He had things
lined up several days in advance.  In fact, he turned up with the girl
Kitty, with whom he had danced at the party at Mike Sandoval's fraternity
during their first full week of classes.  It seems she was in his Political
Science course.  It took Bryce longer to arrange a date.  He approached a
girl in his Milton study group.  He felt he knew her better than some
others he considered, because of the exchanges that had taken place during
their study sessions.  This gave him the confidence that she would not be
seeking something he was unwilling to provide afterwards.  The girl,
Patricia, was a good student, very bright, but with a retiring personality.
She was seemingly pleased that this good looking young man would invited
her to accompany him to the football game and to the dance which followed.
Patricia filled a seat at the game, but did not do a lot of cheering.
After the game, everyone went back to the SAT house, where the pledges had
to put in some service time, putting out the food and drink, but they did
get something to eat themselves.  Then, it was off to the University
Center, where there was a dance scheduled to celebrate the athletic prowess
of the U of C team.  Unfortunately, they lost the game, which took some of
the edge off the celebration.  Still, both Bryce and Damon and their
respective dates seemed to have a good time dancing.  Neither girl seemed
to expect anything more, which avoided any awkward moments.
     The following Tuesday was the first time the two friends would be 'on
call' at the Tuesday evening fraternity business meeting.  They did some
homework about the soup kitchen, talking to Deacon Jeffers on Sunday when
they helped out, and showed up prepared to tell the brothers what they
knew.  It was agreed between them that Damon would take the lead, as he had
been the one to introduce Bryce to this particular activity.  For nearly an
hour that evening, nothing happened other than being assigned a couple of
errands to run, but about 8:30 Curtis came to the door and invited Damon
and Bryce into the meeting chamber.  There, they gave their presentation,
explaining the situation and the need.  After answering a few questions,
they were then asked to leave while the brothers discussed the matter.  To
their great satisfaction, when the meeting broke up shortly afterward they
were informed that the brothers had voted to add helping at the soup
kitchen to the fraternity's list of civic projects.  It might take a few
days to get things organized, but one brother would be coordinating
schedules, and someone would be there helping out each day.  Because they
were responsible for bringing this to the attention of the brothers, Damon
and Bryce had first choice of times to serve, and decided to continue
working on Sunday evenings.  Deacon Jeffers was quite pleased with the
additional help, and this answered Damon's initial questions about whether
white students would do such volunteer work.
     Bryce was envious of the great relationship between Damon and his big
brother, DuBois Kennedy.  His own contacts with Mack Campbell were less
satisfactory.  Mack continued to exhibit a domineering attitude, treating
Bryce like his personal servant, and a not very bright one at that.  Each
Wednesday at 3:30 they met at the house, when Bryce reported on his
progress.  He presented his pledge book, indicating he was attending
classes and doing satisfactory work in each.  He completed his assignments
on time and completely.  Each was checked off in the book, showing he had
memorized the fraternity pledge, the motto, etc., that he had sung the
fraternity anthem, that he had participated in the civic projects, attended
the football games, been on time for his 'on call' session, and worked at
the party on September 18.  In addition, Mack had Bryce perform quite a bit
of personal service for him, including doing his laundry each week, and
fetching some books he needed from the library.  Each time they met for
these sessions, and sometimes just when they happened to overlap at the
house, Bryce was sent to get Mack a beer or some other drink or snack.
Bryce fulfilled the special obligation placed on him by showing up for
Mack's varsity soccer matches, even though it was sometimes very
inconvenient, rushing him between his last class and his study session
twice, causing him to delay his evening meal until after ten o'clock.  He
also participated in the intramural soccer games, contributing to the
winning season for Sigma Alpha Tau.  There, however, rather than bond with
Mack, Bryce got the impression that Mack resented his successes.  It was an
awkward, thorny relationship, but Bryce was determined not to complain.
     A relationship which at first seemed just as equivocal as that with
Mack was Bryce's connection with Caroline Koehler, the girl in his karate
class.  Caroline would not leave Bryce alone.  Perhaps it was her maternal
instincts, but she seemed to have formed the opinion that he needed looking
after.  In one way, she was the reason he needed looking after.  She was
just so much better than he at getting the right karate moves in the right
sequence.  When Ms. Cheng asked her to help Bryce, she seemed to grasp the
situation at once, and set about looking after him.  At first, Bryce
resented the situation, a sentiment which grew when Caroline was assigned
more or less as his permanent partner.  There was only one other male in
the class who had been assigned a female partner, and he was a real klutz,
grossly overweight.  But Bryce knew that asking for another partner would
not be accepted, and besides, being assigned the overweight guy would be
even worse that being assigned a girl.  After a while, he even accepted
that Caroline genuinely wanted to be helpful.  He reluctantly accepted her
help as she carefully and slowly instructing him in what he needed to do.
     Bryce made a serious mistake if he wanted to distance himself from
Caroline.  He suggested to Damon that they return to the lunchroom in
Rebecca Ruth Hall, the locus of Caroline's culinary efforts.  He was
attracted by a casual comment of hers that she was currently experimenting
with Bourbon balls.  Although he insisted that it was the chocolate which
interested him, in his heart he knew it was the combination.  Moreover, his
mother produced Bourbon balls for Christmas every year, and Bryce had been
filching them since he was a toddler.
     And so it was that on Tuesday, September 15, at noon the two presented
themselves once again at Rebecca Ruth Hall.  They had practically forgotten
how much they enjoyed this alternate venue on campus for lunch, and
especially the desserts there.  Caroline was delighted when she saw them,
and had lunch with them.  The quality was excellent, although the
selections were limited.  After they had eaten, she presented them with a
box of a dozen Bourbon balls.
     "I couldn't give you these before, as I didn't want you to spoil your
appetites.  Guys have no self-discipline when it comes to eating."
Caroline looked very confident in her pronouncements.
     "You remind me of my mother," Bryce said, kissing her on the cheek.
     "That's a compliment coming from Bryce," Damon declared.  "Now if I
said that ...."
     "Never mind.  We don't want to spoil Caroline's lunch," Bryce cut him
off.
     "Don't you pay any attention to him," Caroline declared.  "If you want
to talk about your mother, you go right ahead.  And if Bryce distracts you,
I'll be willing to listen some time when he's not around."
     As they walked to their PE classes, Bryce said, "I think Caroline has
decided you need mothering, too."
     Damon grinned.  "About time somebody did."
     "She really does remind me of my mother," Bryce said.
     "A little flaky," Damon commented, leaving it open whether he was
speaking of Caroline or Bryce's mother.
     Bryce hit him anyway.
     Of course, this connection only increased Caroline's interest in
Bryce.  Then, things got kind of complicated.  More complicated, that is.
Saturday was another home football game, and he did not want to ask
Patricia again, as that might seem to be establishing a regular
relationship between them.  He was still pondering the possibilities, and
Mack's insistence that he bring a date, when, on the Thursday after their
encounter at Rebecca Ruth, Caroline showed up at the karate class with
Bourbon balls, to be shared afterwards.  It was almost as though Bryce were
a dog being taught new tricks, and being rewarded with treats afterwards.
He was tempted to reject these gifts, but after having sampled her wares,
his resistance collapsed.  They really were great chocolates, and,
according to Caroline, her own creations.  Inspired by Bourbon balls, Bryce
asked Caroline to accompany him to the football game on Saturday, "that is,
if you're not in the band or anything," he hedged.
     "Don't be silly.  They don't have violins in marching bands," she
responded, although she said she was not interested in football.
     Bryce had to persuade her, promising to do everything she instructed
in the karate class.  She laughed at that, but finally she agreed to attend
both the game and the dance afterwards with him.  Caroline accompanied
Bryce, sat with the SAT crowd, and evidently enjoyed the game and the
festivities afterwards.  Just as with the previous home game, this involved
a gathering at the fraternity house, with eating and drinking, where the
pledges had some service obligations, and then a dance in the University
Center afterwards.  This time, the home team won, so the atmosphere was
more celebratory, and again ended positively, without undue awkwardness,
for the two pledges and their dates.
     Then the other part of Caroline's curriculum came into play.  In
addition to having a minor in Culinary Science, she was a Music major, with
a concentration in strings, one of the more unusual combinations thus far
encountered.  On the Tuesday before the fall break, she was complaining
that she was scheduled to have a recital on the Thursday of that week, two
days hence, and everything was hectic because half the students in the
quartet were more interested in their plans for the break than in
practicing.  To be polite, not expecting anything of interest to him, Bryce
asked what they were performing.
     "Not anything real complicated," Caroline replied.  "Two Mozart string
quartets, the G minor, K"chel 156, and the B flat, K"chel 172."
     "Really?" Bryce replied, his interest peaked.  " I love Mozart, but
I'm not real familiar with those pieces.  I'm more into the horn concerti
and the operas."
     "No kidding!  Then you really must come to the recital.  I am truly
impressed, Bryce.  I had no idea you liked Mozart.  Wow, Mozart and Bourbon
balls!  I can't let you get away," Caroline gushed.
     Bryce knew he was caught, what with the Bourbon balls and the football
game, and now Mozart.  He liked Caroline, and they did have some things in
common, but he did not want to lead her on, thinking that a romantic
interest might develop.  After all, he had only recently come to grips with
the fact that he was gay, and he had to be true to that realization.
     "Uh, Caroline, I don't want, you know, to start something here.  I
mean, well, you've been real good to me, what with your patience in class,
and attending that game, and the chocolate, and all.  But, well, I mean
...."  He was floundering badly.
     She looked at him with a pitying expression.  "Bryce, I'm not trying
to hook up with you.  I have decided to devote my entire life to my art.
Besides, I wouldn't want to come between you and your boyfriend."
     "My boy... ?  You mean ... ?  You know?  How... ?"
     She laughed at his astonishment.  "Well, you and Damon come over here
to the gym together all the time, and you leave together all the time, and
the only time you come to Rebecca Ruth is with him, and the way you two
interact, it just seems obvious to me," Caroline explained.
     "And ... you're okay with that?" Bryce tentatively asked.
     "Not my call.  How about Damon?  Does he like Mozart, too?"
     Dazed by Caroline's casual acceptance of his relationship with Damon,
it took Bryce a moment to respond to what seemed a non sequitur.  "Um, no.
At least, I don't think he's had much exposure to Mozart."
     "Shame on you, neglecting your responsibilities to musically educate
your partner.  You absolutely must bring him to the recital on Thursday,"
she declared.
     Fortuitously, at that moment Damon appeared, having completed his
soccer class, now looking for Bryce.  Cautiously, he approached the two.
Seeing him, Bryce waved him over.
     "We were just talking about you," Bryce told Damon.  "It seems that
Caroline is not only an expert in concocting delicious desserts, but also a
Music major, and has a recital on Thursday evening.  She's invited us to
attend."
     "Us?" Damon queried.
     "That's right," Caroline said.  "Bryce says you don't have much
acquaintance with Mozart, so here's a place to begin."
     "Acquaintance with who?" Damon responded, clearly confused by this
whole scene.
     "Mozart.  You know, the music I'm always playing," Bryce helped out.
     "Oh," Damon said in a flat tone.  "Do you sing like on those
recordings?" he asked Caroline, grimacing.
     "No," she laughed, more at his expression than at the question.  "I
play violin, I don't sing."  Seeing reluctance on the faces of both guys,
she inserted a compelling argument.  "You owe me after I attended that
football game.  Besides, no concert, no more Bourbon balls, guys."
     "None?" Bryce asked plaintively.
     "None," she replied definitely.
     "Then you've got to come with me," Bryce declared to Damon.
     He sighed.  "The things I do for friendship."
     "All right, it's a date, then.  Got to go now.  I have a rehearsal,"
Caroline said as she scampered off.
     "That's the girl who keeps beating you at karate, isn't it?" Damon
said, as he watched Caroline quickly depart.
     "Not exactly beating me," Bryce insisted, defending himself.
     Damon looked at him with a grin.  "Yeah, beating you.  I've heard you
go on about her often enough."
     "Oh, all right.  And yes, that's the same person.  In addition to
being better than me at karate, and being my date to the last home football
game, she's a Music major with an emphasis on strings, and a Culinary
Science minor."
     "Culinary Science?  What's that?"
     "Cooking."
     "Oh."
     "In addition to all that, Caroline has us figured out.  Just before
you came on the scene, she was telling me she knew we were partners, and
she has no intention of coming between us.  She has dedicated her life to
her music, along with karate and cooking," Bryce added.
     "Whew!  That's some woman!" Damon conceded.
     Of course, this interfered with the History study group, but Bryce put
in an hour and a half before the 9:00 recital, and, as it was after the
test and just before fall break, the others forgave him for leaving early.
The recital was excellent.  Despite all Caroline's complaints, the four
student musicians put on an outstanding performance.  Bryce enjoyed it
tremendously, and even Damon admitted that it was "pretty interesting."