Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 15:37:34 -0800 From: Steve Thomas <s4d@hotmail.com> Subject: Chris-Crossed-Seth-17 I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy. I also want to thank Nifty for the opportunity to post my stories here. I have met some very nice people and been afforded an opportunity to express myself as never before. The feedback I have received here has encouraged me on to write more. Thanks to you all. >From Chapter 16: "Bri?" "Yes, Sweetheart?" "Have you -- have you ever had that -- done to you?" "Yes." Do you want me to -" "No." "Why?" "I'm afraid. With the way I convulse at lesser things, I am just afraid." "I understand. But it was -- so -- intense -- I can't explain it!" "You don't have to. I know." Chapter 17 As Brian was holding me, I felt so much -- and so many emotions, I don't know where to start. My dad had never abused me, sexually or physically. If anything, I craved some attention from him. But I wasn't one to do naughty things just for attention. But I did get some amount of flack in school -- because of my size. I was never attacked, but there were threats. So I was constantly afraid on some level. That was one fear that surfaced. On the other hand, it kind of was more than a fear, too. I almost fantasized about being knocked around by guys I admired, because it was kinda hot. I don't even understand it. I felt so much -- reverence, maybe? -- for Brian. I was totally in awe of him -- being a doctor and all. But even though he is not all that big, he is bigger than I am, and is in good shape -- so that was a bit hot and a bit intimidating at the same time. But as I lay there, being held in his strong arms, and in his love, I felt so at peace. I had trusted enough to give in totally to him, and I was rewarded! "Brian, is there anything I can possibly do to -- to -- make you feel -- like you made me feel?" "People need different things, Sweetie! I would love to -- have the kind of raw emotion you obviously experienced. But, at least right now, it is not an option for me. But you can't know how wonderful it was for me to have you trust me the way you did. And to be able to -- make you -- do what you did! To completely lose control -- because of ecstasy! And I was the one to do it. Because you trusted me. Because I knew -- felt -- sort of a natural knowing -- how far to take you -- and because I felt such love for you as I was doing it, and felt such love coming from you as well. I will never feel the same toward you. For me -- that was -- I can't explain it sufficiently -- but bonding is the word that comes to me." "and maybe healing?" "YES!" "Because that is one of the things I am feeling. I feel -- maybe justified -- and more whole than I've ever felt before. I feel foolish even saying it. It feels as if someone else is saying it. But that's how I feel. Does that sound stupid?" I asked. "Not at all! And you're right! It is something that -- I `m not sure most people my age can understand such emotions -- as you have described. And you don't even have to tell me: It didn't begin to describe it, did it?" "NO!" I exclaimed. "Bri?" "Yeah?" "Do you -- er -- need anything else?" "Why, baby?" "I feel very weak and -- tired." "Yeah! You only have slept about 12 hours, so far!" "I just want to go back to sleep." "Why don't you get up and eat some breakfast. Drink some more orange juice, some milk, and the protein in the breakfast, and I think you will feel fine. If you are still tired after we eat, then you can go back to bed -- k?" "K -- if you say so!" "Oh, yeah! Lay a guilt trip on me! Really, Seth, we have such short time together, I just want to take advantage of it." "You're right. Bri?" "Yeah?" "I love you!" "Love you too, Baby! Get dressed." As I was getting dressed, he brought me some more orange juice. I drank it, and as he said, I felt better almost immediately. I used his razor to whisk away my three whiskers, combed my hair, and brushed my teeth. When I got back out to the living room, he remarked, "Wow! You look good! I like the wet look on your hair! Very cute! Really enhances your little boy look!" "I used to get upset when someone reminded me how young I look. But you have -- you make me -- I just feel good about myself when I am around you! And you love my -- little boy -- appearance." "I really do, Seth!" He answered. "I suppose we feed each other's weaknesses! But that's not so bad is it?" "Guess not! I love your receding, thin hair! It is so sexy to me! To me, it doesn't look old -- just -- hot!" "Thank the gods for that! Cuz I sure ain't gonna use any of that Rogaine shit!" "With your testosterone level, I doubt it would have any affect on you!" I said. "Well, for what it's worth, thanks! Come sit down! Time to eat." Our Sunday was Nice. We actually were in time for the second service of his parents' church. The week before Christmas always brings out all the otherwise non-church goers. Brian was not exactly a church-goer, but he did have his beliefs. On the way home, he asked me, "Seth, what do you -- er -- believe about God?" The way he asked it, I was pretty sure he wanted to tell me how HE believed. "Never gave it too much thought. Just always went with my parents. I believe, I suppose." "I just can't quite swallow the mumbo-jumbo stuff!" he said. "Like?" I answered? "Oh, I have read the Bible from cover to cover. My parents always have gone to church, and when I was younger, they used to take me to Sunday school. They indoctrinated us there in how my parents' church believes. But when I started reading for myself, some things just did not make sense." "Like what?" I asked. "Well, for one thing, my parents just believe without questioning it, in this three-in-one thing!" "You mean, the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? You don't believe in them? I haven't really studied it, but I have read enough to know they are all in there!" Wow, don't tell me we were going to disagree on religion! "Well, yeah, they are all in there, but -- nowhere I can find does it say they are all the same -- person or being, as most claim." "I can't argue that with you -- I just have not studied it." I said, thinking it may stop the conversation. It didn't! "I have talked to others about it. They keep citing scriptures -- as far as I can see -- out of context scriptures -- like: `You see Me, you see the Father.' Like that is proof! That just tells me that he looks like his Father, like many people look like their mother or father." He was getting almost -- well I was feeling very -- uncomfortable. I had been taught all my life about the "Trinity", and I -- I guess like his parents -- and mine -- just believed it. "Uh huh." I commented. "Then one day I was reading -- this is the only scripture I have memorized, I promise -- the seventeenth chapter of John. It is so obvious there that the oneness that God talks about is that they -- the "Trinity" - are one in purpose. He is actually praying to his father in that scripture -- like why did he need to pray to himself -- that first his apostles and then his disciples -- those who believed in him -- would be one. I think it says something like, `that they may be one as we are one. That they may be one with each other and that they may be one in us and we in them.' I don't remember it exactly but you get the idea. But nowhere does it say -- that I have found -- that they are the same person. It just doesn't make sense! And -- was he saying if everyone believed, that they too would become one person?!?" "Oh." "I have actually had people tell me, in answer to that, `But that's the beauty of it -- the mystery!' It's not mystery -- it's confusion. And I don't believe he is a God of confusion!" "Ahem! Don't you mean `they'?" "Okay, so you HAVE been paying attention! As far as I can tell -- well never mind. That's enough for now. But do you -- see what I'm talking about?" "I guess. I will have to have you show it to me later -- when you can show me in the actual Bible. I guess that is one of the things that happens as you get older, huh -- more concerned about what happens after death?" "Touché! But that is right." Luckily he dropped it. I kind of liked being blissfully ignorant! I went home a little earlier than usual. I just felt like I needed to be with my parents -- especially since I would not be there on Christmas Eve -- just four days away. Also, I had been saving some money -- really I didn't have that much to spend it on -- to give it to Mom and Dad. They didn't require me to pay board as long as I was going to college, but I still felt like I wanted to. I stopped by my ATM and took most of it out, and saved out 1000 bucks for Christmas. Most of that was for Brian -- one month's pay! For me that was $688.00. Before taxes. When I got home, I gave the rest -- about 3000 dollars -- to my mom. She started to cry! "Oh, Mom! I didn't mean to make you cry!" "No, Sweetie, it's not that. I just -- didn't -- expect it. We are not expected to do much for the boys -- the foster boys -- but we wanted to! Both your father and I have grown to love all four of them. We hadn't thought about Christmas when we took them in. With this we have more than enough to give them some nice things. Fred and Charlie' parents will take pretty good care of them, but Eddie and Mel are left out in the cold. Their dad is acting hateful toward them and their mom can't do anything. I can now at least treat them all the same. But there is more than enough for that here! Are you sure you don't need some of it?" "I kept enough for my own gift buying." "But what about -- That old car of yours -- doesn't it need any work?" "Yeah, but it always needs work!" "I don't know how it holds together with all the driving you do! I know if I tried to drive it, it would just fall apart!" "I'm okay! Datsuns never die! If they don't get in a wreck, they just get older and older!" "Your father is at the hospital visiting a friend from church. He would not be there if he knew you would be here!" "That's okay. He'll be here for dinner right?" "Yes. Why?" "Nothing. But I will see him then." It WASN'T nothing. I wanted to ask about bringing Brian here for Christmas dinner. I went and said hi to the guys. Eddie and I had been so close earlier. But he and Fred were now best friends. I liked that! And really, they seemed so young to me now! I went into the den -- my room now -- and lay down for a few minutes, and looked at the ceiling. How can explain to them? How can I make them understand that I could possibly be -- so taken -- so soon -- with this man? This -- older man? They will just pass it off as my immaturity! Well, I guess that's all right. I AM immature. But -- what about Brian? Would they -- be able to -- accept my wanting to be with him? I'd heard all the arguments! I am too young and he is too immature and when would he grow up, and -- -- --. "Seth?" My dad's low, gentle voice. "Oh! Hi Dad!" "I'm so glad you are home a little earlier than usual! We never see you any more! With your school and your job and you -- friend -- I was wondering if you remembered you have a family!" "I'm sorry dad! I didn't mean -" "It's okay, Seth. I understand! I was young once -- believe it or not -- and I can remember -- believe it or not -- what it was like. And I KNOW how important it is to see your -- friend -- or is it friends?" "I love seeing my brother and cousins and their partners, Dad, but -- Yes, I also love seeing my -- seeing Brian." "Has he let you drive his car again?" "Actually, I think I could drive it any time, but usually he drives." "I see. Seth, how -- how much does he mean to you?" "I -- ah -- well, I am just getting to know him, actually. I like him a lot -- what I know about him." "I could see that you both were -- quite interested with each other at Thanksgiving time. You picked up Luke at the airport. How did that go?" "I -- uh -- have you talked to Chris about this?" "I -- ah -- we have spoken briefly about it." "And?" "Actually, he is okay with it. I just was wondering how you felt about it -- about him." "I -- I lo -- I like him. A lot!" "What are you two whispering about?" My mom poked her head in. "We weren't whispering, dear." "Come in, Mom. I want to -- to -- talk to you both. I was going to do it at dinner, but I forgot about the boys being here." "Hmmm." Mom said. "Sounds serious. What, dear?" "I wanted to -- er -- can I -- would it be all right if -- Bri -- Brian came here for Christmas dinner?" "That would be wonderful, Sweetie!" my mom said. "Actually we were hoping to get to know him, Seth." Dad said. "We both know he means -- a lot -- to you." "He does!, He -" "We are concerned, Seth." Mom said. "We don't want to just discount your feelings. So we want to meet him. You are 18 -- of age now, at least legally -- so you can choose your friends. But we will always be -- your parents -- and we hope you will always feel free to come to us -- for anything." "And also to accept our counsel in the spirit it is given -- just as advice." Dad added, looking worriedly at Mom. My heart was beating so fast! I didn't expect them to be so enthusiastic about "meeting" him. Now I was more worried than I was before! Maybe I didn't WANT him to come! But too late for that! "Great!" I said. "Then its decided! I will be at his parents' the night before." "So you have already talked to him about this? Hmm. Can you come here that night? -- instead of the next morning?" "I -- well -- it could be quite late?" "That's okay -- could you be here by 11:00 PM?" "We'll -- I'll ask. I'll do my best. Why?" "Let us know. If so, it would be so nice to go to Christmas Eve service at 11:00 PM, as a family." My mom said. BUZZZZZ! "That's dinner -- I have to attend to something in the kitchen. Come in about ten minutes. Tell the boys." "K, mom!" "Dad, something else?" "Son?" I" -- er -- what do you believe about the Trinity?" "I uh -- I believe in it. Wha -- are you -- why do you ask?" "Do you really believe there are three Gods in one?" "That's what the Bible says." "And so you believe it?" "Yes." "What if the Bible doesn't say it?" "But it does." "Can you show me -- maybe later?" "Of course, son." We better be getting those boys going. Time for dinner!" Dinner was fun. Dad was seldom home for dinner when I was little. It was like now he had a chance to do it over -- right! He joked with the boys -- a lot! They were thoroughly in love with my parents. I felt so good about this! After dinner, I asked if they wold mind if I went out for awhile. "I need to do some shopping." The stores were open late, this last Sunday before Christmas. I was able to buy something neat -- even this late -- for everyone on my list. Everyone that is, except for Brian. I was about to give up, when I couldn't help noticing it. Heh! I first noticed "On Sale - $687.88!" That was almost my exact price. I would have passed it by if it did not have that sign on it. It was a gold bear with a medic insignia on it -- and a half carat diamond embedded in the bear's hand. I went inside. "Can I see that bear in the window?" "Yes, Sir! This was specially made, then never picked up -- that's why it is so cheap -- er -- inexpensive!" "Is there any inscription on the back?" I asked. "No sir. There was, but it was obliterated by Florentine." "Could you -' "Of course. That would be no extra cost at Larson's!! What would you like on it?" "Will you be my doctor -- forever?" I said. "Is -- is that too much?" "We can get it on it, but it will be very small." "That -- that's fine!" They did it while I finished my shopping. I picked it up and went home. ********************************************************** The next four days dragged by. I worked as much overtime as they would allow. On Thursday (Christmas Eve) I left for Santa Barbara at 1:30, planning on a 3 hour drive, at least. Before leaving, my mom gave all kinds of grief about my car. "Do you want to take my car, Honey? I don't know why, but I am feeling really bad about that car." "Don't worry, mom. The worst that can happen is it could stop running. But I know its safety features work. I'll be fine! She followed me out to the curb. I loaded up my gifts for those at the other end, my overnight case, hugged and kissed her (She clung to me -- a long time!) and hopped in the car. With her standing there, I primed the choke once too many times, and it flooded. It took me about 5 minutes to start the stupid thing! Mom just stood there staring, worriedly at me! I felt stupid! Finally it started up and putt-putt-putt-ed as a flooded car does, until it starts running leaner. Mom's face was wet, but I chose to ignore it, waved, smiled and left. Well, as soon as I hit the San Diego Freeway, North, the traffic came to a complete stop. It was stop-and-go all the way past the airport. As I went past the airport, I thought about the last time I was there, sure that Luke was dead, and yet foolishly hoping that maybe he could be treading water in the Pacific. How silly! But still, my eyes teared up thinking about it. And then I thought of my sweet Brian, making me take his car to pick Luke up. And how I had cried, uncontrollably, when I found out Luke was not on the plane which crashed, from relief and pent up emotion! DAMN this traffic! Just as I was thinking that, it started to pick up. Before I knew it, I was going 80 all the way till I got near Santa Barbara, where it slowed down again to a snail's pace. I smiled as I crept past beach where I taught my dad about hugging. Then as I crept into town, I thought about when we ran off the highway, and how hard we laughed when that woman truck driver was swearing at us! My water temperature gauge kept rising into the danger area. I cell-phoned Brian and told him when I was within 5 minutes of his place. He said he was glad I called and that I should meet him at his parents home. [Sigh!] Another 10 minutes! Finally, when I got there, I had to park on the other side of the street. Brian's dad's car was parked outside of the garage and there was a rental car there too, I guessed (correctly) it was Buck's. As I pulled up to the curb, across the street, the car made a "POW!" and then a "FFFFffffssssssss", and stopped right on front of the neighbor's driveway. Brian was out there in about 3 seconds, and he pushed me out of the way of the driveway. He looked so glad to see me! Well, I was glad to see him! "Just gave up the ghost?" He said. "Naw! Just got overheated in all the traffic. Probably could use a new thermostat, though!" "Well, come on in. I doubt it needs any help in cooling down!" They had waited dinner for me. Buck looked a little perturbed but was cordial enough once we sat down. Brian's mom sat me next to Buck, with Brian across the table form us. Well, okay, I could look at him! AND I didn't have to look at Buck! He brought a girlfriend, and she sat next to Brian, directly across at me. I kept catching her staring at me, and also stealing glances at Brian. No doubt Buck had "filled her in". When dinner was finished we went into the living room, to open some of the gifts. I felt terrible, because Brian's parents got me something! It just did not occur to me to buy something for his parents. I must have looked embarrassed when Mr. Michaels handed it to me, because Mrs. Michaels said, Oh, it's not much, Seth, Dear. Don't give it a second thought! It was a box of See's Candy. How did they know I loved See's? (Everyone -- who loves chocolate -- loves See's!) Mr. M. was playing Santa, and passing out all the gifts. But I had Brian's in my pocket. I handed it to him. He very reverently opened it. He took out the pendant and showed it to everyone else. He read what it said on the back but kept that to himself! I could tell he stifled back his tears. Then he quickly grabbed something off the tree and handed it to me. It was a card, taped to a very small, beautifully wrapped box. I opened and read the card first -- as I should. I was very nervous opening the box. What could it be? I could think of only one thing that could be small enough to fit in that box, and that worried me -- especially with Brian's parents there - and Buck! I looked over at him once and he tried to hide a scowl by quickly smiling and hunching his shoulders up. I think he also assumed what was in it! I opened the box slowly, peeking in as I cracked it open. Inside was a key -- a Ford key! I looked up, puzzled and a little embarrassed. Brian's dad spoke up. "Maybe you should look in the garage!" I turned crimson. He knew what it was! I looked at Mrs. Michaels, and she was all smiles. I smiled back and felt even hotter! Buck looked disgusted by now! I did not move! "Come on, Seth, let's look in the garage!" Mr. Michaels said. He led the way, followed by me and everyone else. We entered the garage from the house and there sat a brand new Ford White Crown Victoria! I was -- well amazed! I didn't know what to say. You don't look a gift horse in the mouth, but I caught myself thinking, "What was he thinking! A huge Crown Vic?" Mr. Michaels opened the garage door. I was still standing there with my mouth open. "Well," Brian said, Don't you want to take it for a drive?" He hopped in the passenger seat, and he told his parents to get in the back seat. He got back out and opened the door for his mom. His dad got in behind me. I was so embarrassed with the whole scene! When all the doors were closed, I put the key in and turned it. Well, I tried to turn it! It would not turn! "It won't turn, Brian!" I said, perplexed! "Tug on the steering wheel." He said. "Sometimes the steering wheel lock can keep it from turning. I tried that -- but that was not it. "There's an extra key in the pocket in the back of your seat, Seth. Dad, will you get it for him?" He reached into the back of my seat, retrieved the key and handed it to me. I looked at it. It had a Gift tag on it. I read it, and then handed it back to Brian's dad! It read, "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad!" "What's this?" Mr. Micheals said. He showed it to his wife. "But I thought this was for -- Why you sneaky - !" Brian had asked his dad to pull out of the garage to "hide" the car from me! His mom shrieked, "OH! Brian! You shouldn't -- you --!" and she started to cry. I got out and opened Mr. Micheals door, and Brian got out and opened his mom's door. She gave him a big hug! Then she took her place in the front seat. The key worked! The car started!" "Hmmm." Brian said. Well that other key MUST fit SOMETHING! Why don't you take mom for a drive and let me see if I can help Seth find something that his key will fit! Mr. and Mrs. Micheals pulled out of the garage, and Brian said, "Follow me!" I did, as well as Buck and his girl friend. He walked around the corner, and there stood another new Ford! A tan and hunter green Explorer, Eddie Bauer Edition! Wow! I was getting excited now! He clicked open the door with a remote, opened the driver door and ordered me in it. He jumped in the other side and Buck looked a little sick. I started to put the key in, and there was already a key in it. Another gift tag! I took it out and read it. To my favorite Brother! Merry Christmas, Buck. I am embarrassed to say, I was a little disappointed! I liked this vehicle! Buck still looked perplexed, so I tossed the keys to him. He read the tag. His mouth dropped open! "Brian! How could you --!" And then even Buck got tears in his eyes! "Let's just say I got a nice Christmas bonus this year!" I was hoping that my disappointment was not showing too bad, when Brian pointed through the windshield up the street. "Hey! Maybe your key will fit that!" Now it was my turn again to drop open my mouth! There, across and a little down the street sat a Brand new, Zinc Yellow Mustang Premium convertible! I jumped out and ran to it, and tried to open the door. It was locked, so I started to put the key in it. "Wait! Brian said! And he pushed the button on the keyless remote. "Beep-beep!" And it unlocked! I jumped in. I forgot about Buck! I think I may have forgotten about Brian, but only for a moment. He ran around to the other side and hopped in. It was -- everything I ever dreamed of in a car! Oh it wasn't a Ferrari, but who cares! I know I didn't. The new car sticker had been carefully removed, and I saw it and read all the things about my new car! It had 3.8L V6, 190 hp engine, a MACH 1000 Audio System w/ In-Dash 6-CD Changer, power Windows and door locks, 6-Way Power Driver Seat, Leather Wrapped Steering Wheel, And 4-Speed Automatic Transmission, Dual Power Mirrors - Remote Keyless Entry - Rear Spoiler. 4-Wheel Power Disc Brakes - 16" Bright Machined Aluminum Wheels. It had everything! I was speechless. "What can I say to -- make you realize how much I appreciate -- LOVE this car! I know it's fruitless to tell you it's way too much!" "You said a month's pay was the limit!" "My God, Brian, I didn't -- it didn't occur to me that you made that much!" "It's only money, kid! It didn't say nearly as much as the sentiment on the pendant you gave to me! Seth, listen to me: I am not trying to buy you or your love! This is a gift, free from encumbrance. If we break up next month, it's yours. Maybe one month's pay was extravagant, but -- it was worth it and more to me! I was worried about you driving your old car so many miles, just to see me1" "JUST to see you?" "You know what I mean! I feel more --secure that you will be safer now. It doesn't have the V8 or a stick shift, which is probably what you would have liked better. But this is safer!" "You sound like my mother!" "Yeah, well, sometimes -- I like to feel I want to protect you. Isn't that what you asked of me?" "I did, didn't I?!" Notes: Was Brian buying love? Should Seth have accepted the gift? Would you have? Comments are welcome, as always, to Steve, at s4d@hotmail.com. Thanks and I love you! Steve