Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002 17:17:22 From: tim tim <noway16@hotmail.com> Subject: Moving on, chapter 24 of Coach's Assistant Ok guys you maybe thought that chapter 23 was the last chapter but no, thanks to your repsonses I know you want me to go on with this story so I will do. I have had some great idea's from some of you and I had a few myself so here we go with chapter 23. Ok enjoy reading it and let me know if you liked it. E-mail: noway16@hotmail.com or by ICQ: 36967366. You can also take a look at my website at: www.geocities.com/timsfunplace At the website you also find a questionairry with some questions to fill in about some parts of the story. I would really appreciate if you took the time to fill it in so I know what you as reader want to happen with it. Chapter 23, where we left of. (in Nick's bedroom, Nick speaking) I opened the door and I walked towards the bed. Francis indeed had fallen back to sleep. I pulled him up while he was sleeping and I started to hug him. I knew he was awake the moment I grabbed him and I was glad he just responded to my hug. "So you told him everything?" "Yes, I did, Francis. I did tell him everything." "So he reacted all right, I guess?" "Yes, just as you predicted." "I'm glad he did. So, what now?" "He'll have a talk with the doctors later today to end it all and he'll talk with Mike about it tonight. He also wants me to get some professional help." "I think that's a great idea, Nick," and he kissed me quite passionately. He had been the best thing to come out of all this. A beautiful boyfriend who loved me almost as much ... or maybe even more ... then I loved him. Moving on, Chapter 24 What happened during the next few days is still a blur to me. My Dad left that Sunday afternoon and when he came back he told me that the doctor and his assistant would never contact Mike or me again. That was all he said. It took a long time before we would speak again on what happened that weekend and what he had done with the doctors. I would find out a little more some 5 years later. Also Mike came over Sunday evening. When I opened the door he was very nervous, but I told him that everything was all right. Dad had a long conversation with him in the kitchen. Mike came up to my room later and I felt that he wanted to talk, but at that moment I was not feeling up to it. I am not sure what he did or where he went when I suddenly started to cry quite hard. When I look back I know that the tension became too much for me and I broke down. When I woke up it was dark. I looked around and saw that Francis was sitting on the chair beside my bed but he was sleeping. I moved a little bit in my bed and he woke up. "Are you ok, Nick?" "I'm not sure Francis, I am feeling better, rested. I have no idea what came over me. Did you put me in bed?" "Yes I did, together with David". My mind started to go back to what happened. "And Mike, where did he go, did you see him run away when I started to cry?" "I know he got David and came back with us. I think he has spent quite some time after that with David". "Oh. Will you hold me Francis?" Francis came towards me and started to hug me real close. "I will always be here if you need me. Just call me and I am here". "I know. Thanks Francis, I love you, you know". Well that was only a small part of the breakdowns that I had during the next two weeks. They all, Dad, Francis and David, wanted me to go and visit a shrink, but I just wasn't up to it and I wanted to spend most of the time in the gym trying to become as good as I could before the try-outs for the city championships. I knew I would have a chance if only one of the others was to fuck it up. I had noticed that two of them had become very distanced from me, I think because they felt threatened by my progression. So as they say I drowned myself in my newfound hobby and tried to practice as much as I could. I knew the others were worried and they only let go a little bit after I told them I would see a shrink when the try-outs were over. I loved it when Francis was around helping me and encouraging me, but when we were together in my or his room, I just was not sure of us. Like I didn't feel comfortable being close with him. It was not easy for either of us. I could see that Francis didn't know what to do either, and that made me feel even more nervous about the situation. So two evenings before the try-out, Francis walked into my room. I didn't expect him to be there. We agreed we would try to focus on our homework tonight and spend the next evening together. "I'm sorry Nick, but we have to talk about this. I have no idea what I did wrong, but I feel like I am losing you". I slowly turned around and looked at him: "I thought we would spend time together tomorrow and we would try to do our homework tonight". "I know Nick, but I just can't concentrate on anything now, and I think it is time we talked. I am afraid to do or say anything to you because I never know how you will react". "I'm not sure if I want this, Francis," I said to him. I looked down to the floor. I had been expecting this conversation for a few days already and I just didn't know how to handle it or what to say. "I don't think this is about wanting Nick. I think we need to do this or it will be bad for our performance in two days". "Hmm, well, if you want to". "Please Nick, I beg you, let's talk. Just come here to the bed and sit down beside me". I looked at him. Could I do what he wanted me to do? Did he really want me beside him? I didn't answer and I just looked down to the floor. "Nick, please tell me what I did wrong. It was all so perfect and now we haven't slept or did anything together since our date". I still didn't look at him. "Nick I just miss that, please tell me what I did wrong". I looked at him and I started to get mad at him. Don't ask me why, I just did. "See, that is why I'm not sure Francis. You only want me for my body, nothing else. You are no different than Mike". I still can't believe that I ever said that to him, but at that time I did and when I looked at his face a moment later I knew I had hurt him, hurt him bad. I saw that his face turned pale and he started to get up. "I am sorry Nick, but if that is what you really feel, then I had better leave now". Oh my god did I just fuck up. Where did that come from? The pain on Francis' face said it all and made me realise what I was doing. How could I, how could I ever make this up to him? "Francis, please don't go. I didn't mean that". I said when he reached the door. "I'm not sure if you did or didn't Nick, but as long as you are like this, we can't talk. You need to think first". "No! Please Francis, stay here, I would like to talk, I just don't know what happened to me". "Sorry Nick, but I think you better think about this". "Francis please" I screamed and I started to cry. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up. "I want to stay Nick, I really do. I hate to see you like this, but only if you are ready to talk, otherwise we will say things to each other we really don't mean". "I know and I am not ready to talk, but could you please hold me? I need you. Please, just hold me". I'm not sure what happened, but before I knew it he was beside me and took me into his arms. It felt wonderful again to just touch him, to feel his warmth through his clothes, to smell him. But what if he wanted more? I just couldn't or even want that now. I stopped the hug and looked at him. I saw that he slowly moved his lips like he always does when he wanted to kiss me. I knew I needed to say something or I would hurt him again. "Francis, that was just what I needed. I am sorry for what I said, but could you just stay here and hold me so I know you are still there for me?" We walked towards the bed and there we just lay down and Francis kept close to me that night. I really enjoyed it but what if he wanted more? I woke up and I felt the arms of Francis touching me some. He managed to get them under my T-shirt. I felt I started to get hard. Then I noticed he was already awake and he was watching me. "So how are you feeling this morning, Nick?" "Kind of stupid to be honest Francis". "You want to talk about it Nick?" "I'm not sure, Francis, if I'm ready. I just hope you can have patience with me and trust me". "I know I do trust you Nick, but I just can't handle the way you have been acting. I might have an idea what this is all about, but I would really like you to talk about it with me". "I know, and I think you and Dad are right that I need to go see a shrink to make sure I will get past this". "I am happy you see that Nick, and trust me I am not here just for your body, I am here for you as a wonderful human being, someone I love to spend time with, doing just anything. But I hate it when you cut me loose and don't talk with me or even worse not let me be near you. I am always here for you to talk, to hold you, just don't forget that". "I know Francis, and I appreciate you being around last night". "I think we need to get up now Nick. I need to change into something fresh, can't go to school like this". "I know, we better get moving". So Francis went back to his room and I went to the shower. ------- Then in Francis room (told by Francis)------------------- ---------------- "Francis are you in there?" "Yes sir I am, you can come in if you want". The door opened and Nick's Dad entered. "Are you OK?" "Yes why?" "Well I heard some of the conversation you and Nick were having last night when I passed his door. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but you two were so loud I just couldn't miss it". "Yes, I am fine, I only feel so sorry for Nick, I just wish there was something I could do". "I think you are doing fine Francis, just being there for him and holding him seems to be enough for the time being". "I know, but each time I try to get close to him, he just forces up a wall around him. I just can't get through to him anymore". "Just be patient with him for now Francis, he needs time. I think he never really understood what happened with him that Sunday afternoon, and telling it to me just seems to have made it more real to him than it has ever been before. I think him going to the shrink will do a lot of good". "Well I hope so". "Just try to be there for him and let him decide the pace. Will I see you downstairs in a moment?" "Yes I just wanted to change and get my stuff". -------------------- Nick continues ------------------------------------ ----------- The next few days just seemed to go by in a blur. I still concentrated very much on the performance during the tryouts and you understand of course, that I made it. I did better then every one expected and they just needed to include me in the team. I saw that the one who didn't make it looked disappointed but he came to me and congratulated me any way. Dad and David where thrilled by it and they made a great surprise dinner after that. Just a little celebration with Francis and Kathy present also. The next day I received a long e-mail from Alexei congratulating me on my achievement, with a new training schedule just to keep me in shape and perfecting my routines. On Monday evening I had an appointment with the shrink. I had no idea what I could expect and I can only say that it was not as I thought it would be. We talked about what I expected from the sessions and how he wanted them to go, but nothing more. Nothing about why I needed them or anything. I left with the idea that that was totally going to be waste of time. So the next day Francis came in the lunch break and sat at the table beside me. "So how are you today Nick?" "Isn't that something strange to ask Francis? We just saw each other this morning". "I know Nick, but we had no time to have a more private chat". "Oh, well what is it that you want to know then that we need to discuss in private?" As you can see I put up all defenses right there again. "Well to be honest I was just curious how the meeting with the doctor went". "You can say shrink if you want, because that is what he is Francis". "Ok shrink then if you prefer that". I just looked past him and didn't answer the question he had asked, trying to let it slip by without me having to answer. "Well Nick, how did it go?" "I don't want to talk about it, Francis. I will let you know if there is something to tell". "Oh sorry Nick, didn't want to push you". "I know ", I said. I looked at him and I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his warmth and I couldn't wait any longer. "Lets get out of here Francis, I need a more private spot". "Oh" Francis said and I saw that he started to blush. We went in the direction of the lockers. There should be no one around and I could even close the door if I wanted to. The moment we entered I just felt I needed him very much. Where this sudden rush of showing affection came from, I didn't know, I just needed him. So I pulled him closer without even locking the door and we started to kiss. It was more a greedy kiss than a passionate kiss. I had longed for that so long and I wanted it now. I started to feel very horny also at the same time. Then he started to kiss me back and my lust turned more into a natural kind of passion. I just started to back off when I felt that he put his hands on my back, and even more when he let them slip towards my bottom. But before we could say or do anything, the door was opened and we backed off quickly. "Oh, sorry guys ..." He said. We started to look at each other but we didn't know what to say. I looked at Francis, but he kept quiet also. "Can you do us a favor and keep quiet about what you saw?" I asked him. "So you are really an item then", he answered. "Hmmm yes, we are". I said. "I knew it. I told Peter that I thought you two were, but he didn't believe me". "People are talking about us?" Francis asked, with a lot of panic in his voice. "No, don't worry, of course not, but well I will keep this a secret if you swear not to say anything about what I am going to tell you now". "Ok". I said, "as long as you keep your promise we will". He closed the door and walked in: "Ok Peter and I are an item, too". "Wow!" I said, " for how long?" "Well, since the beginning of this school year". "Do you know him, Nick?" Francis asked me. "Yes this is Andrew. He is in my art class. Don't you know each other?" "Well I have seen you around, but we have no classes together". "Ah, well if you won't tell, Andrew, then we won't either". "Ok Nick, that's fine, and to be honest you are a really cute couple". "Thanks". I said with a little blush on my face. "Hey, how about we get together sometime, the four of us?" "Great idea" Andrew said. "It would be nice to get to know other couples or gay people don't you think Francis?" "Yes, that sounds nice". "I will let you know after I talk with Peter about it in the next art class". "Yea that's fine Andrew". "Ok, I will leave you two alone then". He said with a big grin on his face. I looked at Francis and said: "We better be more careful in the future". "Yes we better be. It is most unlikely that such a thing would happen twice with the same outcome. Although I think I will like to meet them and to hang out with them. People you don't have to pretend with or be careful around". "I know. That's why I agreed on it". "You like to continue where we left off? We have another 10 minutes or so" Francis asked. "No, sorry, I think Andrew just spoiled the moment". We sat down on one of the benches and Francis looked at me. "May I ask you something Nick?" "Yes, of course, you know that". "Well lately I don't, and at the moment you seem to be back to your old self a little bit. What happened a moment ago? Why did you want us to come here"? "I just needed to kiss you and I couldn't do that in the canteen, Francis". "Why now Nick? I have been trying to do that for the last two weeks and you don't even let me touch you". I knew what he was talking about and I knew I had to give him some kind of answer. "Francis, to be honest I have no idea. I just wanted you, I needed to feel you and to kiss you". "Hmm and why did you back off when I tried to touch you're back and bottom?" Oh no, he had noticed it despite the fact that the door had opened at that moment. "Just talk to me Nick, don't be afraid. I love you and whatever the reason is, we will get past it as long as you talk with me". "I know Francis, but I just have no idea. After I told Dad everything, I've just had a hard time to cuddle and kiss with you, although I really, really would love to do that. But I just can't at the moment and don't ask why, because I don't know". "Ok as long as you know that I love you, and that I always will be here for you if you want to talk, cuddle, or whatever, just let me know". "Thanks Francis" and I took him in my arms and we held each other. I just enjoyed this as much as I did in the past, but I was so afraid he would let his arms wander too much and I didn't want that to happen. It just couldn't. I was too afraid of ... Well, whatever". We stayed in there until the bell for the next round of classes rang and we went our separate ways because we wouldn't have class that afternoon together. During the next days we found a small balance to walk on. Francis kept his distance as he felt that I needed it and I tried to be as open as I could. So we kissed sometimes and we did a lot of things together. About a week after Andrew had walked in on us, we came together, the four of us, and we had a great time at a café. I think it felt pretty odd to all of us to be around other gay people and to be open with it like we were. On the Thursday night before the city championships Alexei called. `Hi Nick, how are you feeling? Are you ready for the competition on Saturday?" "Yes I think I am". "Good to hear that. I might just come around and see if you are not lying". "What do you mean Alexei are you going to be in town?" "Yes, I am going to be around for some publicity stuff for our sponsors. I have a photo shoot on Friday evening and on Saturday morning. It all depends on how long that takes to finish to see if I have time to join you". "Well it would be nice to see you and to talk with you". I said in a pretty sad tone. "Are you really ok Nick? You don't sound like you are". "I'm sorry Alexei, but to be honest I am not doing so well lately. It seems that everything I do at the moment goes wrong. Maybe you have some time to chat when you are around, after dinner for example on Saturday". " I'm not sure Nick, we have a big benefit dinner on Saturday night. I will see what I can do and call you back tomorrow. Ok?" "Yes, that would be nice. I need to talk with someone. I am not sure my shrink understands it all". "And Francis, Nick, why don't you talk with him?" "I just can't Alexei, it seems like we are drifting apart at the moment, something I don't want, but I just can't get myself into doing anything to stop it". "Wow! I really will do my best to see if I can join you somehow Nick, don't worry about it. You know Francis loves you and you love him, so that will get you past this. I think it is a quite normal reaction after what you have been through". "But I don't let him get close to me Alexei. I am so afraid to let him touch me". That was it; I broke down and I started to cry. I have no idea what happened next, but somehow when I opened my eyes I saw Francis sitting beside me holding me as far as I let him. "How, what ..." I started. "Ssshh, Nick, I got a call from Alexei and he told me you broke down on the phone so I came in to be with you". I smiled. He is so lovely, so caring for me. I wanted to say something but I stayed quiet. "You don't have to say anything Nick, just let me hold you". I'm not sure but I think we spent quite a lot of time holding each other like that. And when he left he kissed me, but he didn't say too much. During lunch on Friday my cell phone rang and I answered it. "Is that you Nick?" "Yes. Hi Alexei". "So how are you Nick?" "I am better. Thanks Alexei, for calling Francis". "Well I hope you are not mad, but that was the only thing I knew I could do for you yesterday". "Yes he held me in his arms for quite some time. Nothing much was said, but that was not needed at the moment". "So you still want to talk on Saturday?" "Yes if that would be possible". "Well I am not sure, but I have a few cards to give away for the benefit dinner so if you like you could come and join me. I am not sure but I think we could get away for a little chat during dinner". "A real benefit dinner with dressed up people and all?" "Yes, like that. It will take all evening I think. You can bring Francis, and David and Kathy with you if you want". "Hmm you think it would be alright if I would bring Francis along? Wouldn't that be strange?" "Don't worry about that Nick, there are going to be more gay couples around". "Ok, do we have to dress in a tux?" "No I don't think that would be important, as long as you dress nice". "Ok, I will ask Francis and David if they want to come along". "You do that and I will make sure you will be picked up at your house around 6 pm". "We will be ready, see you tomorrow Alexei". I was really looking forward to seeing him. He was so easy to talk to, maybe he could help me. I looked around in the canteen to see where Francis was sitting. I saw him entering with Andrew and Peter. Since our date we hang out sometimes during lunch. I waved at them and they came along to my table. "Who were you talking to on the phone Nick?" Francis asked. "Oh that was Alexei". " Alexei Nemov?" Andrew asked. "Yes Alexei Nemov; he is in town tomorrow". "How do you get to meet him?" Peter Asked. "Oh you didn't follow us did you?" Francis said laughing at him. "No sorry, but I hardly knew you two before Andrew pointed you out a month or so ago". "Well Alexei came to give us some training sessions a few weeks ago and he stayed at Nick's house so that is how we got to know him". "He knows you two are a couple?" Andrew asked. "Yes, and he is great about it, too" I answered. "So what did he want Nick?" Francis asked. "Well I wanted to talk with him but he has a pretty busy schedule". I said looking at him. I couldn't be too obvious but I guess that he knew what I was talking about. "He has a benefit dinner tomorrow night and he has some spare tickets, so he asked if we would be interested in joining him". "Together, like a date?" Francis asked. Looking kind of surprised. "Yes, together, and he thought that David and Kathy would want to join also". "Isn't that going to be strange Nick? As a couple in among all those straight people there?" " Well that is exactly how I reacted to him also, but he told me that there would be more gay couples attending, so nothing to worry about". "Wow guys, that would be great, especially when you win tomorrow", Andrew screamed almost. "Win tomorrow?" Peter asked. "You should start to pay more attention to the conversation around you Peter, instead of thinking with your dick all the time". Andrew said with a little smile. "Hmm I thought you liked when I did that". Peter whispered as soft as he could. Both Francis and I turned to see if there was anyone around us and we looked at Peter. "Be careful Peter, we don't want to be outted yet". "Sorry guys". "So you need to dress up all fancy in tux and so on?" Andrew asked. "No, he said that was not necessary". I looked around to see if I could find David. He was sitting with the rest of the gymnastic team at our regular table. I tried to get his attention and when that didn't work I stood up and yelled at him. He turned around and looked at me. "You want something Nick?" "Yes can you come over here for a moment?" He walked towards us and looked at the four of us. "You better not do this too much Nick, because the others will start to wonder why you don't want to hang out with them anymore". "Oh," I answered. "So what was it that you wanted?" "Well I just had Alexei on the phone. He is going to be in town tomorrow and..." "Ah so he is coming to watch us?" David interrupted. "No, he can't, but he invited us to join him for dinner, a benefit dinner in the evening". "Wow! Only the two of us?" "No, we are allowed to bring our partners with us"; I said smiling at him. "Ah, I like that. Do we need to have tuxes and all?" "Hmm that seems to be a point of worry of all of you isn't it?" "Well I hate to wear tuxes." "No, don't worry David, we only need to dress nicely; that will be enough". "Ok then, I will ask Kathy if she wants to come and let you know tonight". "Yes that would be fine". We chatted a little bit longer and then we went on to our next classes. Later at home I told Dad about the dinner we were invited to. He looked happy with it, but also told me not to forget about the competition tomorrow. He wanted me to give my fullest attention to that. I knew there was quite some pressure on me to perform well because I was the new person in the team. I could not let them down because if that happened my place on the team was not certain. Later that evening in my room, I heard a knock on the door and was curious to see who it was. Normally Francis would not knock. "May I come in Nick?" David asked. "Yes come on in. I was just concentrating on the competition tomorrow, just going through the routines". "Well, I only wanted to say that Kathy would love to join us tomorrow. She will meet us here about 5 p.m.". "Ok, that would give us time enough to prepare ourselves for the dinner". "Oh you want help from her again?" "Well she definitely knows what she is talking about, David, you can't deny that". "I know, just kidding". He looked at me with a kind of grave look on his face. "Is there anything else you want to chat about?" "To be honest, yes Nick, I was wondering how you were doing. I know you don't talk about it, but I am kind of worried lately". I signed. `Not again' I thought. I didn't answer him, so he continued. "I really started to like the new Nick, so open, so easy to talk to, and during the last two weeks I see how you are struggling and falling back into your old self again". "I am sorry David, I don't want you to worry about it. I just have a lot of stuff to work through. Stuff I put in a bag and that bag got opened up when I told Dad everything". "I know, but I just want you to know if you need help or some one to talk to about it beside Francis, I am here for you". He came closer towards me and started to hug me. I let him and returned the hug. "Thanks David. If I need to, I will know where to find you". "Ok I will let you alone again with you're preparations. You must tell me what you were doing next time, because I never saw someone doing a pre-day routine concentration on exercises". "I will tell you some day David, now go and leave me to it". I felt I almost started to breakdown again, so I wanted him to leave the room as quick as he could. During the rest of the evening I concentrated on the routines and I read some new chapters of `Lord of the Rings'. Francis knew what I did before the meeting and didn't want to disturb me. So we stayed in our own rooms. I had two more meetings with the shrink this week and I think we made some progress, at least more than we did during the first meeting, but I still wasn't ready to talk with Francis about it. So you liked it, it is a chapter that is just the giving you the background needed for new episodes of the live of Nick and Francis. Let me know if you liked it. E-mail: noway16@hotmail.com or by ICQ: 36967366. You can also take a look at my website at: www.geocities.com/timsfunplace At the website you also find a questionairry with some questions to fill in about some parts of the story. I would really appreciate if you took the time to fill it in so I know what you as reader want to happen with it.