Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2013 17:59:08 +0000
From: Keith <fcbfankeith@virginmedia.com>
Subject: Coming Out at Uni - part 4

Coming out at Uni - Part 4

Disclaimer: Each part of this story may contain vulgar language and
descriptions of gay sexual activity. If such things are likely to upset
you, or you are underage to read this material in your jurisdiction you
should leave now.

This is a work of fiction, and none of the characters are real people.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I woke up with a start, momentarily wondering where I was. Josh must have
sensed I had woken, he looked round from his desk where he was typing on
his laptop.

"Hey," he said. "Good sleep?"

"Strange sleep," I qualified. "What time is it?"

"About five o'clock," he answered. "You've slept for about an hour and a
half, I think. I got up about 15 minutes ago."

"I've gotta go," I said, and then worried that he might take that the wrong
way. "I need to eat, and then get ready for this Hall disco I'm going to
tonight with my friend. You could come if you want, I'd like to spend more
time with you, but we'd have to be careful, I'm still not ready to let
people know."

"OK," he said after a moment's thought. "There's nothing on here tonight,
so I'll come up to your hall. Send me a text when you want me to come on
over."

I walked the short distance back to my hall, my mind working overtime to
process everything that was going on. I really liked Josh, and he was being
really considerate of the fact that I was so new to everything. We'd only
just met, and yet I was already comfortable enough with him to fall asleep
next to him on his bed, and I was starting to think he could become my
boyfriend. On the other hand, I wasn't really any closer to coming out and
relaxing into the person I wanted to be. Only Josh and Jen knew I was gay,
no-one else had any idea at all, and I was hung-up on how Jake would react.
He had been my best friend since we started Secondary School and we'd
specifically decided to go to the same Uni because of our friendship. I
didn't want that to all unravel when he found out about me, but he had
never given me any clue as to how he viewed gay people in general, let
alone a friend who had had sleepovers with him suddenly (to him) turning
out to be gay. Even if he was OK with that, he might have problems with the
fact I had fancied him for years.

Nothing resolved, I dropped my stuff in my room and then went and knocked
on Jake's door, but didn't get any answer. I found him and Em in the dining
room, and after collecting my soup and spaghetti bolognese went over to
them, Jen joining us just after I sat down.

"Not eating much?" Jen enquired, "no pudding?"

"Nah," I replied, "I could do with getting a bit fitter, new start and all
that. It'll help with my refereeing too."

"Oh, what do you referee?" Em asked.

"Football," I said. "Jake does as well. We've both signed up today to do
the inter-departmental league, should be fun, especially if we're on the
next pitch to each other sometimes, and it'll be extra money as well."

"You hadn't told me," she said, turning to Jake. "I'll have to come and
watch."

"Yeah, well," he mumbled, "it might upset you actually. It's OK when things
are going well, but sometimes the players can get aggressive and in your
face. Don't get running on to protect me, that would be so embarrassing!"

"Oh, I'm tempted now," she laughed, "but I'll probably leave you to
it. When will you be refereeing?"

"We can fit it around our studies," I answered. "We tell them when we're
available and they'll give us matches at those times. There're matches five
nights a week, so we could earn quite a bit, but I do it for the enjoyment
really. Jake's a confident guy and finds it really natural, but I'm quite
shy and quiet normally, so it helps bring me out of my shell, having to
deal with 22 players single-handed.  You have to make sure they know you're
in control; you can't appear weak."

"Wow," said Jen. "I didn't realise so much went in to it. When you think
about sport you only usually think about the players, you kind of take the
referees or umpires for granted."

We all ate in silence for a while, until Jen finished her meal and asked
"are you all coming to this disco tonight?"

"Yeah, we are," said Em, waving her hand to include Jake in her answer.

"Me too," I said, "oh, and I've invited a guy I made friends with, another
engineer."

"Cool," replied Jake as Jen gave me a look. He and Em stood up to take away
their empty plates and used cutlery. "We'll catch up with you later."

I had my head down, eating the last of my dinner, but I could feel Jen
looking at me. "Yeah?" I asked, looking up at her.

"A friend, eh?" she enquired.

"Hmm," I responded. "Look, we've kissed a couple of times and I like
him. But don't tell anyone that, I'm still not ready to come out. As far as
they're concerned, he's just a new friend I met having a drink."

"No problem," she said, "I'm just thinking about that speech you just made
about being in control and coming out of your shell."

"Hey, don't pressure me. Every time I'm on my own, I'm thinking about how I
can do this, how he'll react. It's not like you're out either."

"Don't try and turn this round on me. You're the one who's gonna pretend
his date is just a friend."

"Yeah, well, that's my choice. See you later," I finished somewhat curtly
and took my tray away, leaving her sitting there.

Back in my room, I stripped and went to the showers wearing just a towel. I
relaxed under the hot water for a few minutes, and then got out and went
back to my room. I looked in my wardrobe to pick out some clothes, settling
on a black pair of jeans and a dark crimson shirt.

I was just finishing my hair, having tried two or three styles before
settling on my usual intentionally messy look, when there was a knock on
the door, and Jake came in, wearing just a white t-shirt and blue jeans.

"You could wait for me to shout 'come in'," I said. "I could have been
naked in here."

"That's what I was hoping," he laughed, and unfortunately not meaning it at
all. "When you're ready we'll go and pick up the girls and hang around in
the bar for a while, until we see whether this disco's gonna be any good."

"It'll be fine with me," I replied, "I like 80s music, remember. Just don't
let me do any dancing until I've had a few drinks."

"You do know your dancing doesn't improve when you drink, don't you? It's
just that you don't care as much what an idiot you make of yourself!"

"Bite me!" I retorted, sticking my middle finger up at him.

"Oh, and you watch way too many American sit-coms as well!" he
laughed. "Over here it's 'Fuck you!' and we use two fingers! Yep, that's
it!" he added, as I practised my use of the two finger salute in his
direction.

I quickly used some body spray, picked up my mobile from the desk and we
headed downstairs. The light-hearted exchange with Jake in my room had
reminded me of just why we were friends: we were just so comfortable with
each other. Then the other voice inside me pointed out that Jake didn't
know I was gay; would we be so familiar with each other if I was out? I
tried to convince myself that it wouldn't change anything about our
friendship, but couldn't. I was tearing myself apart trying to reconcile
everything that was going on.

We ended up meeting Jen and Em in the bar, and got a couple of drinks each,
to save having to get up for a while. I took out my phone and sent Josh a
text telling him where he could meet up with us.  A few minutes later I saw
him coming through the bar and waved my hand at him to show him where we
were.

"Hi Harry," he said, pulling over another chair to our table.

"Hi Josh, everyone, this is Josh, another Engineering student, that I got,
uh, talking to at our orientation day last week." I indicated towards each
of the others. "This is Jake, my best friend from home, this is Emily, or
Em, who met up with Jake when we first got here last week, and this is Jen,
Em's best friend, who's doing Civil Engineering."

"Good to meet you guys," said Josh, "I was talking to Harry here earlier
and telling him there was nothing on in my hall tonight, so he invited me
up here. Does anyone need a drink?" he asked, standing up and turning
towards the bar.

Everyone demurred, so he went over alone and leant against the end of the
bar. He was wearing tight black jeans, and a purple polo shirt that only
just reached the top of his white studded belt. He looked back across to
our table and smiled slightly as our eyes met. I glanced guiltily around
the table, but no-one else had noticed our interplay, so I relaxed
slightly, with a hint of a smile as well.

A few minutes later, the music started up, Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad
Name" making conversation more difficult, and so we pulled the chairs in a
bit tighter to make speaking easier. Josh had returned with his drink and
was between Jen and I, with Jake the other side of me, and Em therefore
between Jake and Jen.

We each had a few drinks, talking about our first impressions of University
life, and Josh told us about his Hall of Residence, which was quite a bit
smaller than ours, and didn't have as much going on. He also mentioned that
his room-mate was hardly ever there, as he had a girlfriend at the Uni who
had only decided during the summer to come here and so couldn't get a place
in a hall - she was living in a shared house on the other side of the
campus, and it seemed he was going to be with her more often than in his
own room.

With the noise of the music making conversation almost impossible to
overhear, I saw Jake, Jen and Em leaning into each other to talk about
something and took the opportunity to put my mouth to Josh's ear and say
"Looking good tonight!"

It was about the most forward I'd ever been, certainly with other people
around, but we reversed our position and he whispered back "You too. Can't
wait to get you out of those clothes though!"

Even though I'd started it, I was embarrassed now and blushing furiously,
but fortunately, with the flashing, coloured lights from the disco, nobody
could tell, and I took another swig from my drink to help settle me back
down.

The others stood up, and Jake put his head close to Josh's and mine. "We're
gonna grab another drink and then head over to the dance-floor, are you two
coming?"

Josh and I looked at each other and then back towards Jake. "Yeah, sure," I
answered as we both nodded our agreement to make sure it didn't matter
whether Jake heard the reply or not. We got the drinks and took them over
to a table near the dance-floor, which was starting to fill up with people
as the evening went on. We stood around drinking, watching the dancing
until Deacon Blue's "Real Gone Kid" started up and with a few looks between
us, the five of us moved out and started dancing in a group. Jake had been
right earlier: I really was hopeless at dancing, but he was also right in
that I didn't care that much; I was enjoying myself and that was all that
mattered. Josh on the other hand was fantastic, turning his body and moving
his arms just right and looking so natural. I was entranced watching his
movements, his polo shirt occasionally parting company with his jeans to
give me tantalising glimpses of his stomach, but I had to tear myself away,
otherwise Em and Jake might have noticed.

After three or four songs, though, Em and Jake went back to the table and
carried on drinking, although Em had decided she had had enough alcohol for
one night and had moved on to Diet Coke.  Josh, Jen and I carried on
dancing, manoeuvring ourselves into another group to form a bigger
huddle. Josh looked really happy, and I guess I must have done too, feeling
a big smile on my face most of the time, and the evening passed by
unbelievable quickly. All of a sudden, the music was interrupted so that
"Last orders" could be heard from the barman, and then resumed with
Jennifer Rush's "Power of Love" heralding the slow songs to wind things up
for the night. I could see Em trying to get Jake up for a last dance, but
he didn't want to and stayed seated, continuing to drink.  She came over
and instead started dancing with me, while Jen paired up with Josh.

This really wasn't how I wanted us paired up, but obviously my ideal dance
partner was out of the question right now. We saw out the song and then
swapped so that I was now with Jen for Whitney Houston's "Saving All My
Love For You", which we could see was going to be the last song of the
night, with the DJ's assistant already starting to pack things away. She
gave me a quick peck on the cheek as the song ended, which I returned, and
then as the normal lighting resumed, we heard a crash of glasses and could
see that Jake had slumped over the table, knocking everything onto the
floor.

We all hurried over to him, and I grabbed him and leaned him back in his
chair. "I think he's had a few too many to drink," Em ventured, "I did warn
him earlier, but he wouldn't listen."

"You two go on," I said to the girls, "I've had a great night, and I'll see
you tomorrow." I turned to Josh. "Will you help me get him back up to his
room?" I asked.

"Yeah, no problem," he answered. The girls wished us goodnight, and Josh
and I positioned ourselves either side of Jake, who had a big smile on his
face, eyed closed, totally out of it.

"Come on mate," I said to him, "let's get you back to your room. Me and
Josh'll hold you up, but you'll have to try and walk. I definitely can't
carry you."

"Uugh," was his incoherent reply, but he did start moving his legs as Josh
and I supported him under each arm. It seemed to take forever to get him
back to his room, and it was just as well we were in our hall and hadn't
gone out somewhere for the evening. When we were in the lift, we decided to
give ourselves a rest and let him sit on the floor, but that proved to be a
mistake, as by the time we got him vertical again, the doors had closed and
we carried on upwards. Eventually we came back to the right floor and
virtually dragged him to his room.

I patted his pockets and found his key, and we opened his door and took him
in to lie him down on his bed. I left him there for a second; he had passed
out as soon as he had stopped moving, and pulled Josh over to the doorway
by his arm.

"I'll have to sort him out," I said, "and I'll have to stay with him. If I
leave him on his own, he might swallow his own vomit or something. I'm
really sorry, I hoped we might've stayed together tonight, but I can't just
leave him. You go on home, and we'll meet up tomorrow."

"OK," he replied, "he's lucky to have a friend like you. Can't wait to see
you again." He grabbed the front of the waistband of my jeans and pulled me
in close, the half-closed door hiding us from Jake momentarily. Our lips
met and we exchanged tongues, but the kiss was over all too
quickly. "Night," he said and backed down the corridor, our eyes locked
until he went through the door into the lift vestibule. I sighed and went
back into Jake's room.

"Let's get you sorted out, then," I said, my first-aid training suddenly
showing up, with me talking to my 'unconscious casualty'. I took his
trainers and socks off, and then wrestled his t-shirt over his head and
off. I mulled over what to do next and decided that I could take his jeans
off without it seeming too weird, leaving him in just his black Calvin
Klein boxers. He was lying on top of the bedding, so I looked around and
found his spare blanket on top of the wardrobe and put that over him after
rolling him onto his side in case he was ill in his sleep. I pulled over
the more comfortable chair next to his bed, and without thinking, leaned
over and gave him a kiss on the forehead and said "Night mate". His eyes
flickered and a slight smile appeared on his face as I sat down to watch
over him, and I suddenly realised what I had done.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

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