Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 23:23:15 PDT
From: "Robert ." <bobnickeri@hotmail.com>
Subject: Confusion Series

	The next morning and afternoon stole through my mind in a mist. I
was deeply unconscious with a stark awareness that time was passing
somewhere else. I caught phantom glimpses of people fading in and out of
the room, only a muddied blend of color and sound breaking through the
muffled haze of sleep.
	My brain didn't reunite with my body until well after dark. The
quiet of the house broke whatever trance that kept me warm in Mike's
bed. The watery light reflection of the pool outside danced upon the
ceiling, nearly calling me back to my pillow.
	I felt exhausted, drained, and empty. All I could discern was a
sense of wanting to sink deeper into the bed, to sleep even longer than I
already had. I tried to whisper something into the half-light, to make a
sound that would break the surreal silence of just waking up, but only
broken air trailed over my vocal chords resulting in a soft sigh.
	Reluctantly, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the
bed. My hands clamped down on the edge of the mattress, steadying
myself. My desire to stay in bed was so strong, I was very uncertain that I
would be able to will myself across the room.
	I made myself stand up. I made myself walk into the bathroom and
turn on the light, though the brightness made me seal my eyes shut in
pain. I stood there leaned over the countertop for a few moments, opening
my eyes little by little until I could see without much discomfort.
	I looked up into the mirror and barely recognized what I saw. My
complexion was still tanned from the sun, but more care worn than I ever
remembered it being. Dark circles were just barely surfacing under my
eyes. My cheeks were slightly hollow in appearance. My lightened brown hair
was a tangled mess. A light dusting of stubble shadowed my face, deepening
the image that I was withdrawing into a shadow of my former self.
	A razor, toothbrush, comb, and other things were laid out on the
counter for my use. I quickly set to work, clearing the debris from a day
and a half of deterioration. I ran the water in the shower, letting the
steam envelope me in a warm cocoon, bringing back my desire for more sleep.
	But more sleep was the last thing I needed. I needed to stay awake,
to get used to being in my own skin again, to explore things again with
those new eyes of mine. Things were different, I knew that much. The little
things; the mirror, the porcelain tiles, the white wallpaper with the
little gold veins running through it, all appeared like I had never seen
them before. Perhaps they were there the entire time, but I never took the
time to see them in my preoccupation.
	I undressed and crawled into the shower, letting the hot water
cascade over me and rinse away the sluggishness. I slid down against the
wall and sat with my arms wrapped around my knees, my chin resting upon
them. I stared at the floor through my dripping hair as the water snaked
down in little rivers over my face and arms.
	I took a deep breath and let my body relax, leaning my shoulder
against the wall, half-lying half-sitting there, peering at the steel
faucets through barely open eyes. I smiled to myself and even laughed a
little bit for no reason whatsoever. My smile grew broader as the silliness
of everything started entering my mind. I was sitting on the floor of a
shower staring at faucets.
	I don't know which became funnier as I huddled there, my body
shaking with suppressed laughter; the fact I was staring at the faucets or
the fact I was laughing about staring at the faucets. I finally had to
cover my mouth to stifle the sound. I had no idea who was awake in the
house, and I would have rather not had them thinking I'd finally lost it
once and for all.
	The sense of relief shifted from a calm, contemplative
weightlessness to full fledged joy at my new found freedom from the past. I
smiled again as I saw some semblance of a future spread out before
me. There wasn't a foggy darkness in front of my vision anymore, a vague
feeling of despair that everything would stop if I let my guard down long
enough.
	The water on my lips tasted salty, and I realized that I was
crying. But, I wasn't crying out of hopelessness, or surrender, or tension,
or a million other painful reasons that I could have found for it. I was
crying because I felt happiness. Happiness without the attachment of guilt
or the fear that it wouldn't last very long. I didn't care how long it
lasted at that point. It was only important at that moment that I felt it.
	With renewed energy, I practically leapt from the shower,
cheerfully humming to myself as I toweled off and dug into the bag of new
clothes that Mike had bought for me. I smiled for probably the billionth
time as I thought about how much I appreciated these gifts from him and how
I would have to thank him later in the day. I would have whistled if it
wasn't for the intense quiet within the house.
	I grabbed a pair of blue boxers, a pair of blue sweatpants, and a
white t-shirt. I wasn't going anywhere, so I didn't feel the need to be
very presentable. After I dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror while
combing my hair, wondering who the stranger was looking back at me. This
person didn't have any sadness lingering just under the surface. He was too
happy. He nearly made me nauseous.
	Resisting the strong temptation to whistle, I prowled down the
staircase in the dark to the first floor. My stomach began to complain
rather loudly about missing a whole day of food. When I reached the front
hall, I spun around on the floor in my socks, something I hadn't done since
I was a kid, and laughed a little bit more before calming myself.
	"Erik!" a woman whispered at me sternly.
	I stopped in my tracks, slightly embarrassed that I had been
caught. My eyes groped through the darkened house, but I failed to find the
source of the voice.
	"Kim?" I called out softly, hoping whoever was there could hear me.
	"In the kitchen," she replied.
	Perfect. A kitchen meant food, which is exactly what I wanted right
then. "Hallo," I greeted her with a small, cheerful wave. Yup, I was going
to make myself nauseous and probably everyone around me as well.
	Kim was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee. She
gestured to the seat across from her, and I sat down.
	"You sleep?" she asked, flipping through a Home and Garden
magazine. A nervous habit, I figured considering it was too dark to
possibly read anything at that hour.
	"Yeah, I did. Pretty good too." She got up and brought me a cup of
coffee.
	"Good. You need to eat, or you'll get thin like Michael."
	I bowed my head down to hide the grin the was forming on my
lips. "I'll make myself something in a little bit. Still waking up," I lied
politely.
	"No no no," she said emphatically. "I'll make you something
warm. You need to eat."
	"No, it's ok. I'm a big boy. I'll make myself something." I was way
too jovial for my own good. Every word that came out of my mouth was
followed by the urge to laugh. I was starting find Kim's sincerity charming
in its own way.
	"We'll see about that," she stated, rising and racing toward the
cupboard.
	I jumped up and tried to head her off at the pass. I would make my
own food, dern it, if it was the last thing I ever did. We collided just in
front of the refrigerator. Wearing socks was comfortable, but they left a
lot to be desired in traction. My feet flew out from under me and I landed
hard on my behind, sliding across the floor.
	I couldn't help myself. I burst out in a fit of laughter, hugging
my arms around my sides trying to stop myself. I buried my face in my shirt
to hide the intense shade of red I was turning. But, the more I tried to
stop, the more useless my efforts became.
	"You're silly," Kim said, pulling a few items out of the
fridge. "You've been around Michael too much. He's making you silly."
	I wiped tears from my face and stood up, taking a swipe at the food
Kim was carrying. She pulled it out of my reach and proceeded to set it all
down on the table. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night,
anyway?" I asked while watching her make breakfast.
	"Middle of the night! It's four o' clock!"
	I glanced out the window. Just at the edge of the horizon, the sky
was purplish instead of uniform black. "It still seems a little early."
	"It's Monday. Monday is an early day." She put some oatmeal in a
pot and set it on the stove.
	"Ah ha." I sipped at my coffee. "Where's Mike at?"
	"Michael's asleep on the couch in the living room."
	I snaked my head around hoping to catch glimpse of him in the early
morning darkness. "He sleep all night?"
	"I don't know," Kim said, bringing a bowl of oatmeal over to me and
laying out some milk and sugar.
	I poured liberal amounts of the milk and sugar over the
oatmeal. "I'll take him upstairs in a little bit, I guess."
	"You should leave him sleep."
	"I know. But, the couch isn't very good for his back. He should be
in his bed."
	I ate my oatmeal obediently under Kim's stern gaze. We chatted
about the weather, the coming and goings of the Mike's parents, and the
chores that had to be done that day. I didn't bring up Mike, and I think
she could tell that I didn't want to. He was mine, and I wasn't so sure
that I wanted to share him with anyone else just yet.
	A heated debate followed breakfast regarding who got to clean the
dishes. I won out this time around. Yet, when I couldn't get the dried
oatmeal out of the pot, I began to think that it was a battle I was better
off not winning.
	After everything was put away, Kim descended into the basement, and
I tip toed into the living room to check on Mike. I heard his soft
breathing before I saw him huddled under the blankets on the couch.
	I sat next to him for a few minutes, watching him sleep. As lightly
as I could, I smoothed over his hair and felt contented just looking at
him. I wanted to lay down with him, but I couldn't muster the resolve to
disturb his rest. I had been responsible for enough of his sleepless nights
I imagined, and I didn't want to contribute to anymore.
	"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry I put you through this. I
didn't mean to. Really, I didn't. I don't know what gets into me
sometimes. It's easier for me to not like someone than it is to like them,
let alone love them.
	"I'm sorry I made you cry. I really am. I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about Ben. I wanted to tell you about him. But, it's not as simple as that,
you know? I didn't know if you'd think I was an awful person because of
what happened. I didn't know if you'd think if I was crazy or something."
	"I owed you Ben, though. I owed it to you to trust you enough to
tell you. I hope you can forgive me for that. I hope you don't think I'm a
horrible person for all that I've put you through.
	"I'll make it up to you. I promise. I'll spend the rest of my life
trying to make it up to you, even if that ends up not being enough."
	I kissed him on the cheek. "I'm surprised you don't think I'm
crazy. But, I love you for it."
	"You're going to, like, let me get some sleep here sometime today,
right?"
	I stood up and took a step back. "You're awake?"
	Mike sat up and rubbed his eyes. "It's pretty hard to sleep with
you babbling two inches from my ear."
	"I...um...uh...well, I thought you were asleep."
	He smiled his lopsided smile and beckoned me to sit down next to
him.
	Hesitantly, I did. I was certain that he thought I was crazy now.
	"Erik, I understand you now, ok? I'm not going to run away or
anything. Some people would, but I won't. I know why you're like the way
that you are. And it's not a bad thing. Life sucks, but you're still alive,
aren't you?"
	I nodded.
	"Then things are ok now.  I'll help you and you'll help me. That's
what it means to be in love with each other. It means we'll be there."
	My shoulders sagged. "I haven't been there for you much, though."
	He wrapped his arms around me. "Yes you have. You just don't know
it. Remember when you first came over to my house? I didn't want to be here
at all. You knew I was sad about something, and you took care of me that
night. That meant everything to me. You saw that I had problems and you
didn't run away from them."
	I kissed him gently and cupped his cheek with my hand. "I love you,
you know. I just wish I had treated you better. And, I know that I'm lucky
that I didn't chase you off. I'm lucky that I have a second chance. I won't
screw it up. I promise."
	He smiled and gave me a hug, which I desperately needed right
then. "You don't have to be perfect."
	"But you are," I said.
	"No, I'm not. You'll figure all this out eventually. I'm not
perfect. Neither are you. That's why we work. I don't want a perfect
person, and I don't think you do either."
	"Damn it, you're being all smart again. That's going to get
annoying over time." I laughed.
	He pulled me down on top of him and stroked the back of my neck
with his fingers. "Maybe. I'll just have to make it up to you."
	I felt a dumb grin spreading over my face. "I guess you will."
	I laid there on top of him, looking into his eyes, thinking about
how much I loved him and how that is where I wanted to be for the rest of
my life. All the guilt I felt was washed away again. The guilt over Ben had
been cleansed the night earlier, and now my pain over making Mike suffer
was fading away as I lay there with my head on his chest. All the bullshit
was being peeling away from my conscience. I could be happy and content if
I could just be with him forever.
	He tapped the top of my head. "Hey."
	I raised my eyebrows.
	"Are you going to kiss me or what?"
	"You need sleep," I muttered playfully.
	"But I'm awake now, thanks to you. So, it's you're job to wear me
out."
	I rubbed his chest through his shirt. "I don't see that clause in
the boyfriend contract. Better find yourself a good attorney."
	He bit my ear, eliciting a yelp from me. "Guess you'll have to give
up your writing plans then and get your butt into law school."
	"It's a very nice butt," I said sleepily.
	"It's my butt."
	"Blah!"
	He laughed. "What was that?"
	"My response to your assumption that you own my butt."
	"Your ass is mine, mister."
	I lifted myself up on my arms and bent my head down. I kissed him,
running my tongue over his lower lip.  His entered my mouth, and I sucked
it in, swirling mine around it.
	"Mmm, I need this," he said, running his hands under my shirt and
over my back.
	"I've missed you, Mike" I whispered, kissing his neck.
	"I've missed you too, Erik."
	I surrendered to him, shifting until he was on top of me. I reached
under his shirt and massaged his chest, pausing to twist his nipples
gently. His hands wandered beneath my shirt onto my stomach. "What about
your parents? Shouldn't we go upstairs?"
	He groaned. "I don't want to get up right now."
	I placed my hand on the hardness beneath his boxers and gave it a
squeeze. "Seems like you're already up to me."
	"We can do it here under the blanket. We have to be quiet though."
	I leaned up and kissed his chest. "We don't want your dad or Kim
walking in on us. Or worse yet, your mother." I shuddered for dramatic
effect.
	"Ew. No, we don't want that. Yuck."
	"So, let's go upstairs, baby. We can take a shower afterwards. I'll
let you play with my ducky."
	"Your ducky, huh?" He groped the front of my sweats.
	"Ayup," I said solemnly.
	"I guess," he sighed heavily.
	"Come on, knucklehead. If I have to wait much longer, I'm not going
to make it upstairs. Then you'd have to clean up the mess."
	"But, I don't want to get up."
	With my knee, I rolled him off me, off the couch, and onto the
floor. I landed on top of him. "That's what you get for being lazy, sir."
	He pinched my nipple and licked at my throat. "I will get you for
that, Mr. Matheson, if it's the last thing I ever do."
	I nibbled on his earlobe and whispered, "You'll get a lot of things
if you go upstairs."
	I stood up and tugged at him to do the same. He proved
obstinate. "No," he pouted.
	"Yes." I started dragging him across the floor.
	"All right, all right. I'm coming."
	"Not yet." I smirked.
	He got up and grabbed me, pulling me close for another kiss. I
reached down and tugged at him again through his boxers. "I can't wait much
longer, baby. I need you badly."
	He undid the button to his shorts and guided my hand inside.
	I wrapped my fingers around his hardness, feeling it pulse in my
hand, the conflicting hard and softness begging me to forget where we were
and pay attention to it. I kissed him more powerfully, pressing my lips
forcefully against his. "Let's go."
	He wrapped his arms around my waist and walked behind me as we
headed towards the bedroom. He was poking out of his boxers, something he
reminded me of every other step, as he would press against my butt. My
pleas for him to behave fell on deaf ears. Walking through the house with
him thrusting against me and kissing the back of my neck was proving
difficult.
	When we reached his room, he locked the door and pulled his shirt
over his head in frenzy. In the dim morning light, I stood there, looking
at him, admiring him, wanting him more than anything else in the world.
	He pushed me down on the bed and almost ripped my shirt off. I ran
my hands up and down his sides as our tongues entwined in passion. I pushed
his boxers down to his knees and cupped his ass in my hands, digging my
fingers into him, pulling him harder against me.
	I flipped us over and licked at his throat, moving down the
contours of his chest. I took his nipple into my mouth, lightly chewing and
suckling on each one then moving down the contours of his chest and
stomach.
	"Do you have a condom?" I asked in between kisses.
	"Oh shit, I forgot." He sat up and took my face in his
hands. "We'll have to get creative."
	I licked under his chin. "I'm not complaining."
	He pulled my sweats down and rolled over on top of me, pressing his
wet hardness against mine. He breathed heavily into my mouth, a low growl
emanating from his chest. He started moving his hips back and forth. He
closed his eyes and sighed.
	I was completely lost in the moment, only knowing that his warm
skin was under my fingers, his tongue was in my mouth, his hair against my
brow and he was against me. I nibbled on his earlobe, kissed along his jaw,
kissed his chest, his nose, his eyes, only to return to his lips which were
the best of all.
	Mike groaned into my mouth, only causing me to pull him tighter, to
wrap my hands around him and nip his bottom lip as a shock wave passed
through me.
	He gasped as a hot torrent exploded between us, our hips bucking
wildly. I latched onto his shoulders and kissed him roughly as my muscles
locked.
	He rolled over onto his side, his arms wrapped around my chest. We
lay there for a couple minutes, letting our breath return to its normal
pace, our heartbeats slow to a crawl.
	He turned to me, and gave my nipple a playful twist. "So, we going
to play with the ducky?"
	I kissed him deeply and grinned. "Yeah, we can go play with the
ducky..."

***

	Later in the afternoon, Mike and I found ourselves in his pool
engaged in a heated game of water volleyball. Surprisingly, his mother sat
under an umbrella, sipping vegetable juice and just watched us. I figured
she was trying to get used to the idea of her son with another guy. Even
Mike's dad sat out there for awhile before being beeped by the hospital.
	"You suck, methinks," I cheered sarcastically after winning a hard
fought point.
	"I'm just maintaining the illusion that you'll win," Mike said. He
threw the ball at my head.
	"Kinda makes ya wonder what illusion I'm maintaining, doesn't it?"
I smiled.
	"Yeah, yeah, just serve the ball so I can whoop ya."
	The phone rang in mid-serve. Mike's mom grabbed the cordless in
front of her.
	"Is it for me?" Mike had been expecting a call all day. His
impatience was starting to show.
	"I don't think that's a good idea," Mary said into the phone, her
gaze switching between me and Mike.
	I looked at Mike, not quite understanding and not sure if his mom's
tone of voice was a good or bad thing.
	He looked back at me with the same expression. He was as lost as I.
	"No, it's not a good idea," she repeated. Her brow wrinkled in
reproach.
	I started to get an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my
stomach. Mary's worried glance in my direction did little to help
me. "Mike?"
	He paddled over to me. "I don't know who she's on the phone with."
	"Doesn't sound so good." I reached under water and grabbed his
hand. The sudden quiet of his yard belied the storm clouds which must
surely have been gathering.
	"You think it's your dad?" He squeezed my hand in a death grip.
	"I don't think so. Why would he call here? I'm eighteen. He can't
make me do anything." I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but wasn't
very successful.
	"Don't you come over here and start your shit." Me and Mike looked
at each other in shock. I had never heard his mom swear, and from the
disbelief on his face I guessed he didn't hear it often either.
	She turned the phone off and stared at us, the wheels in her mind
almost visible in their movement. "I better give you two an early
warning. Lissa is on her way over, and she's not very happy."
	Mike climbed out of the pool and grabbed a towel. "Can't you talk
to her mom about her? The last two times I've seen her, a fight started. We
don't need her crap today."
	His mom threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "I tried,
Michael, believe me. Her mother thinks you're going through a phase and
that her daughter will bring you out of it."
	"Fucking wonderful," I muttered under my breath.
	Mike glanced over his shoulder at me and winked. "Maybe me and Erik
should go somewhere. At least until she's here and gone."
	Mary steepled her fingers together. "With Lissa? I give you five
minutes before she breaks down our front door looking for you. Or you," she
said in my direction.
	"Me?" Admittedly, I wasn't well versed in Lissa mythology, but I
was starting to get the idea that she wasn't a person easily controlled.
	"I saw her with you out here the other day. I don't know which one
of you she's coming to see, but she is coming."
	"Why would her mom call you to warn us if she wants her daughter to
get in with me?" Mike wondered.
	"Because she thinks I'll go along with the plan."
	"I have an idea," I offered, getting out of the pool.
	The two of them looked at each other doubtfully.
	"No really. Let me take her out. I'll say Mike isn't home and get
her to go somewhere with me."
	"What are you going to do, kill her?" Mike said with mock
hopefulness.
	His mom laughed.
	"Heh, as tempting as that is right now. No, I'll take her out and
set her straight." I was so confident right then, that I was dead set on
getting an opportunity to be with the bitch.
	"Erik, I'm not so sure..." Mike began.
	I took his hand in mine and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't
worry about it. I know exactly what I'm doing."
	"And what is that?" his mom asked dubiously.
	I grinned. "I'll let ya know after I do it."

	"Erik, I really hate the idea of this. We can just stay up in my
room when she gets here and have my mom send her home." Mike was trying to
undress me as quickly as I was dressing in some sort of delay tactic. So
far, I had managed only to keep a pair of boxers on.
	I pressed my finger against his lips and put my arm around his
waist. "Don't worry. You have to trust me, ok? I know that's a lot to ask,
all things considered. But, you gotta let me start making everything up to
you." I closed my eyes and kissed him deeply.
	He pulled away and sat on my clothes, preventing me from getting at
them. "Erik, cut it out. You don't have to make anything up to me."
	"I know. I want to." I did want to, but probably not for the
reasons he was thinking. He thought I was doing it out of a sense of guilt
for putting him through what I did. A sense of guilt figured into the
equation, but the need was more a desire to make myself feel useful. I had
never been useful to Mike. I had never actively done something for him.
	He needed me. I knew that. But, never as much as I needed him. I
was there for him that night, but that was passive action on my part. I
merely had to sit there and be with him. I wanted to do something more. If
removing this girl from his life would make things easier for him, then
that is exactly what I would do.
	"Let me do this, Mike. I promise I'll be very careful about what I
say and do." I sat next to him and gave him a hug. "You trust me?"
	"I'd trust you with my life." He clung to me, like I was going away
on a long trip. I didn't understand it fully. I didn't understand where all
this was coming from.
	"Well, I wouldn't trust me that much, but it'll do for now." I
nearly crushed him in my embrace. "I'm only going out with her for a little
bit. A few hours at most. And then, it'll be done with."
	"Why do you sound so confident?" He rested his head on my
shoulder. "I'm starting to get suspicious."
	"I know. It's weird isn't it? You're the confident one. I'm just
borrowing your personality for a bit. I'll go back to being psycho
tomorrow." He laughed a little bit, which is exactly what I needed to hear.
	"You'll be back tonight?"
	"I'll be back tonight."
	"No wandering around?"
	"Nope."
	"Then I can play with your ducky?" he asked with the voice of a
little kid.
	"You're pushing it, sir."
	"All right." He walked over to his desk. "Take this," he said. He
handed me a cell phone.
	"You're going to check up on me?" I felt a little distrusted, but
realized that I would probably ask the same of him.
	"Only if you're gone too long. And if you get stranded somewhere,
then you can call me. I don't want you wandering tonight."
	I took the phone from him and stared into his blue eyes, hoping
he'd see into mine. Really see into mine. I was hoping that he'd see past
the reflective barrier I held in front of them at all times. Maybe he'd see
that I loved him and that I meant to return. I wanted him to see that I
wouldn't leave him anymore, that I wouldn't run away, that I wouldn't keep
him at a distance.
	He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine.  There was no
passion in it, no lust nor hormones, nor want nor needing, or anything
else. He only wanted to touch me and I wanted the same.
	Maybe he did see into me. I didn't know. Maybe he really understood
me. Was I kissing him to comfort him, or was he kissing me to comfort me?
Or were we kissing each other for mutual comfort?
	I dressed quickly and Mike checked at least ten times to make sure
I had the cell phone in my pocket. We kissed each other constantly through
it all. His attitude was becoming contagious. I started to get worried
myself. I was having second thoughts about what I was getting into.
	"Mike, baby, it's only Lissa. It's not like I'm going out with a
serial rapist."
	"I'd feel better if you were. You don't know her like I do."
	I still didn't understand. I didn't have time to ask more questions
because the pounding started on the front door.

***

	I leapt down the stairs and threw open the door. "Hey, Lissa!
What's up?! Mike's not home. Let's go out. Bye, Mrs. Adams!" I grabbed her
arm and talked so fast she didn't have time to open her mouth.
	"What the fuck are you doing?!" she screamed at me, wrenching her
arm from my grasp.
	"I told you, we're going out. I'll drive. Mike's mom gave me the
keys to the Lexus." I smiled the most fake smile I could possibly muster.
	"I'm not going anywhere with you!"
	I folded my arms over my chest and stared at her with a great deal
of amusement. She was dressed like a tramp. Short skirt, low cut shirt and
vest. Her agenda was beginning to overreach itself. "You see, Lissa, it's
real easy. You don't have a choice. You're going to come out with me. We'll
have a nice dinner, maybe see a movie even. And then, I'll take you home."
	"You're cocky, I'll give you that. And cute too. But, I am not
going with you." She swept her dark hair aside defiantly.
	"I'm not going to argue with you, we're going and..." I glanced
over to the curb where a yellow cab had pulled up.
	"What the fuck?!" Lissa exclaimed.
	She echoed my thoughts. Kyle stepped out of the back of the cab. To
Lissa, it must have look like I had her surrounded.
	"Kyle?" I called out, rushing towards him.
	"Kyle?" Mike stepped from behind the front door where he had
apparently been listening.
	"Kyle, what's wrong?" I asked, my hurried walk breaking into a run.
	"Erik, I...I...I can't pay the cab. Do you have any money?" He was
crying almost to the point of sobbing.
	"Kyle, what the fuck happened to you" A large bruise was spread out
over his cheek, and hand print barely perceptible even in the afternoon
soon. A red haze was beginning to form at the rim of my field of vision.
	"I...I...I can't pay for the cab. I told him to take me to Erik and
Erik would pay him."
	"Oh fuck," Mike gasped. He ran into the house screaming. "Mom!
Mom!"
	I tried to hug my little brother, but he pulled away with a sharp
intake of breath.
	Not Kyle, I thought while my heart began a mad sprint in my
chest. Please not him. Oh god, no. I didn't want to lift up his shirt, so
petrified was I of what I would find there. I wanted to forget about all of
that. I wanted to move past it all and leave it all behind. But, I didn't
mean to leave my little brother behind. I didn't want to leave him in hell.
	Gently, I lifted up his shirt. I choked on the bile that rose in my
throat and closed my eyes. Somehow, I knew the image of those red welts
would remain seared into my memory for the rest of my life.
	Mike ran out again, almost plowing into me in his panic. "My mom is
coming. She's getting the first aid kit."
	"This is what you get yourself into, Michael, when you hang around
white trash," Lissa muttered in the background.
	I whirled around and glared at her. Without thinking, I lashed out
and gripped her by the throat. "If you ever say anything close to the idea
that my brother deserved this, I will personally shut your god damn mouth
permanently. And that will only be the beginning of your problems with me."
	"Erik, let her go." Mike took my wrist and pulled me away from
her. "You listen to me, Lissa. You're going to go home now. You're never
going to come near me, Erik, or anyone I know ever again. If you breathe a
word of this, ever, you will pay for it for the rest of your life." His
tone of voice left me shaken.
	His words penetrated through her. She jumped into her little, red
convertible and took of down the street without a word. Her first
speechless moment in her entire life, I imagined.
	Mike's mom rushing out with the first aid kit. "Kyle, honey, come
here."
	Kyle stared off blankly.
	"He's in shock," I said to Mike's mom. "I know, because I used to
get that way when...when things like that happened to me."
	She guided him into the house, leaving me and Mike in his driveway.
	"I'm going to kill the bastard, Mike. I am." I clenched my fists
until my knuckles were white.
	"Erik, calm down. We'll call the police and let them take care of
it."
	"Hell no. He's got this coming from me. He's stepped over the line
with Kyle." My lungs started tightening with my fury.
	"I thought he never touched Kyle."
	"He never did. Not once. But now I'm gone. Things must've
changed. I'm going to kill him. I really am."
	He grabbed the car keys from my hand. "You're not going anywhere."
	"Mike, I could hop in that cab right now." I remembered my promise
to him. "Come with me."
	"Come with you?"
	"I promised I wouldn't run off anymore. So, come with me. I want
you with me while I do this. So you'll see what I come from. So you'll
understand everything."
	He brushed his hand through my hair and kissed me on the
forehead. "I'll come with you..."


tbc