Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 08:56:21 PST
From: Fabler <fabler@hotmail.com>
Subject: Doug and Me 6

This is a story involving male/male sex. If this offends you-please
leave this site!! 
If you are under the age of 18, or if this is against the laws of your
state/country/province etc., leave also.

with all that out of the way-- please read and enjoy.
Send any comments/constructive criticisms to the above address. 


Doug and Me
Chapter 6

I woke up at 5am, to the wonderful sensation of my cock being stroked and
my balls being massaged.  I looked down to see that Steven had pulled back
the covers and was sitting between my legs with my cock and balls in hand.
He had this devilish grin on his face as he noticed I was awake and
watching him.

"Morning lover boy, wondered how long it would take you to wake up.  Time
for a little early morning breakfast don't you think."

I am not a morning person, but what a way to wake up, just don't kiss me!

"OOOH Yes, don't stop, that feels soooooo good."

With that he repositioned himself and lifted my knees up slightly.  He took
hold of my cock again with his one hand and started to stroke it up and
down, pulling the foreskin back and forth over the head.  I could feel the
precum start to leak from the slit, I closed my eyes and pushed my head
back into the pillow.  He leaned forward and I felt the warmth of his
tongue as he began to lick the underside of my balls.  My balls pulled up
as the bag constricted slightly, he tongued around a little more before he
sucked one into his mouth, massaging it with his tongue.  I thought I was
going to shoot my load right then, I arched my back pushing my pelvis back
into the bed, easing my ball out of his mouth.

"Shit wait, I'm going to cum, slow down."

I sat upright on the bed, and pushed him back on his shoulders until he was
lying on his back.

"It's my turn now."

And with that I took hold of his cock in the one hand and his balls in the
other.  I leaned forward and kissed his stomach, darting my tongue around
his navel.  I could feel his cock brushing across the underside of my chin
and could feel the stickiness of his precum rubbing against me.  I kissed a
trail down his war path until my lips were alongside the base of his cock,
kissing up the shaft, my lips found his swollen throbbing cock head, I
kissed it a few times before I stuck my tongue into his piss slit to lick
out the precum that was oozing out of it.  Even with the shitty taste in my
mouth that time of the morning, it tasted so good.  I closed my lips around
the head and started to suck, flicking my tongue across the tip.  His head
was thrown back, hanging over the edge of the bed, his groans clearly
indicating that he was also enjoying the workout as much as I was.  Keeping
up the suction, I lowered my head down taking more of his cock into my
mouth, his hips moving up to increase the entry of his cock into my throat.
My nose was buried into his pubic hair and his cock was pressed against the
back of my throat before I started my upward assent, reaching the tip with
only the glans in my mouth, my tongue lapping against the underside where
the head and shaft meet.  He gave out a loud grunt and quickly grabbed me
on the side of my head with both his hands pulling me off.  Pushing me back
he moved around until we were in a 69 position.  Before he could get
himself settled, I had his cock back in my mouth again, again he let out a
grunt and plunged himself down onto my cock, not stopping for a quick lick
around the head, in one swift action he had my cock pressed up against the
back of his throat.  The action of his swallowing massaging my head, the
sensation was so intense that I felt as if I was going to faint.  I pressed
forward in a similar action until I had his cock buried in my throat as
well, we both fought back the urge to retreat for a breath of air.  The
sensation of our swallowing action brought us both to the peak, we could
hold back no more and in unison we let it rip.  Gush after gush of sweet
man juice emptying down our throats.  After what seemed like an eternity we
both released the cocks in our mouths letting them slip out of our mouths
as we both gasped for a breath.

"WOW!!  Who needs coffee first thing in the morning?"  I exclaimed
laughing, still a little out of breath.

Just then the alarm clock went off, we both laughed.

"A little late I'd say."  Still laughing.  "I must make a move, I've got to
be on duty by 7am."  I sat up and leaned over to give him a quick kiss.
"Perhaps we can take this up further tonight again."

"Mmmmm, I could live with that."

I jumped up off the bed and as he slapped me across the butt, I went into
the bathroom to take a quick bath.  I bathed and got dressed, as I walked
out of the bathroom, he was still lying spread eagle on the bed, his cock
standing at attention again.  I walked over to him and grabbed him by the
cock.  "Keep that thought.  Give me a ring when you finish from work today.
I'm only working till 1pm, so I'll be at home.  We can make plans then."

I kissed him and turned to walk out the room.  I stopped at the door,
turned and blew him a kiss before I walked out.

The whole morning at work, I couldn't get Steven out of my mind, I wasn't
in love with him, but it felt so good to be with him, we laughed together,
the conversation was good, and the sex was out of this world.  Thoughts of
Doug kept flashing through my mind, I was starting to feel guilty, how was
I going to tell him that I had cheated on him last night and again this
morning.  Did I have to tell him?  I knew he was fucking his girlfriend
every time they were together without giving me a second thought.  I loved
him so much, he consumed every morsel of my being, but Steven made me feel
different, it felt good to be with him, I knew he wouldn't be treating me
the same way Doug was.  Shit the guilt was eating me up, what was I going
to do?

My shift ended at 1pm and Steven would still be at work, I didn't know
where Doug would be, but at that moment I actually wanted to be with
Steven, so I went home.  I hadn't been home for an hour when I heard the
key in the door and Douglas came strolling in as if he owned the place.  I
had given him a key, so I couldn't complain that he just came walking in,
after all he was supposed to be living with me.  I looked over at him and
my gut went into a spasm, after what Steven and I had been getting up to,
he was the last person I wanted to see.  How could I be going with Steven
when I was so in love with Douglas, the fact the he could be fucking his
girlfriend and only visit me when he was horny and couldn't get it anywhere
else didn't make a difference.  I was the one cheating on him as far as I
was concerned!

"Hello Hello Hello!!!  What you been up to?" he said in his cheerful smiley
voice, as he came walking over to me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms
around my waist from behind and giving ma a little squeeze.

"Making coffee actually, you want a cup?"

"Yes thanks, but I didn't mean now.  Where were you last night, I came
around and you weren't here.  What were you up to?"

I didn't answer him, I looked away taking another cup out of the cupboard.
He was still holding me around the waist, and he pulled me tightly against
him again and pushed his hips forward.  I could feel his excitement
pressing up against my ass.  Here we go again as usual, he's horny, I'm at
home, "Lets pay Charlie a visit so I can shoot my rocks off."  I imagined
him thinking to himself.

"What's wrong, why you so quiet?  What were you were doing last night." he
asked me in a concerned tone of voice again.

Did I need to tell him that I was with another man, or should I just keep
my mouth shut and say nothing?  I didn't want to lie to him, I wanted ours
to be an honest relationship.  It was only one little indiscretion after
all, Steven didn't really mean that much to me, it wouldn't make much of a
difference to me if I didn't see him again.

"What am I to you?" I blurted out, not really thinking about what I was
saying.

"What do you mean?" he asks with an even more confused tone of voice and
screwing up his face.

"Exactly what I asked you, what am I to you?  Do you love me?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?  You know how I feel about you!" he
said again as he let go of me and stepped back.

I turned around and looked him in the eyes, tears were starting to build up
in my eyes.

"That's the problem, I don't really know how you feel about me.  I'm
beginning to feel as if I am only a convenience for you, a fuck buddy when
you can't get it from Stacey.  You should know by now exactly how I feel
about you, I love you.  You are the beginning and end for me, but I don't
really know if you feel the same about me."

He just stood there not saying a word.  I kept on rambling.

"I want to be with you all the time, I want to come home to you after work,
I want to wake up with you in the morning."  "I know it's difficult for
you, worrying about what's going to happen when we do come out together,
it's also for me."  "This whole situation is beginning to screw up my
emotions and my mind.  I never know when I am going to see you from one day
to another."  "What is happening about our moving in together?"  "I need to
know, and I need to know now."  I was rattling off like a runaway train,
not giving what I was saying much thought, but I knew I had to say it.  "If
you can't give me a firm commitment, and at least tell me that you feel the
same about me, that things are still going to work out for us in the
future, then I don't think I can cope with this any longer, and I think I
want you to leave me alone to get on with my life!"  God what was I saying?

He stood there with this shocked expression on his face, he hadn't said a
word. The silence that filled the room was deafening, you could cut the air
with a knife.  Why wouldn't he give me an answer, I couldn't stand the
silence.  The tears started streaming down my cheeks.  He reached into his
pocket and took out his bunch of keys and started twisting my flat key off
the ring.

"What are you doing?"  I asked quickly.

Still there was no answer, he turned around and tossed the key onto the
coffee table.

"Cancel that coffee order." was all that he said as he walked over to the
door.

"Douglas, wait, come back, don't go, let's talk please." I pleaded.  He
didn't stop, he kept walking away, he opened the door and walked out
without even saying goodbye.  As the door slammed closed behind him, I
stood there dumfounded.  The tears came streaming down my cheeks, my knees
began to give way under me and I sat down onto the floor and curled up into
a fetus position in the corner.

What had I just done?  I had just chased the only person I truly loved out
of my life.  I had to think of a way that I could get him back.  Did I want
him back?  What devastated me more was that he could just walk away with
such ease and without saying a word.  I couldn't control my tears any
longer.  The tears were poring down my face.  I sobbed for hours, and
eventually out of pure exhaustion I fell asleep on the floor.  When I woke
again, I was still in the same position as the day before, I looked up at
the clock and realised that I was late for work.  I phoned ahead and made
up some lame excuse about my car breaking down and that I would be there
shortly.

The events of the evening came flooding back and the tears started up
again.  I reassured myself that Douglas would give me a call through the
course of the day to attempt to sort out the problem.  I was sitting in the
nurses station at tea break drinking a cup of coffee, the telephone rang
and the sister called me to the phone.

"It's for you." She said.

I knew he would call, now I could tell him I was sorry.  I picked up the
phone.

"Hi there."  I said in the cheeriest voice I could muster.

"Hi sexy, it's Steve.  What happened to you last night?  I must have called
a dozen times, did you go out?"

Oh shit, I'd forgotten about Steve's date.  "Sorry Steve, it was a pretty
hectic day yesterday in the ward, I must have been pretty exhausted because
I crashed when I got home, and I didn't even hear the phone."  I lied.

"That's too bad, I had a pretty special evening planned.  What are you
doing this evening?"

"Sorry bud but I'm going over to see my folks tonight, perhaps we can make
it another night.  I'll give you a call."  I lied again.  I had too, I
wanted to keep the evening free for Doug and myself to sort out the problem
and make up.  I ended the conversation as soon as I could, using the excuse
that the ward was pretty busy and that I needed to get back to work, that
was also bullshit, because it was a medical ward and it was so quiet it was
boring.

By the end of my shift Doug still hadn't called.  I drove home thinking
that maybe he thought it better to do it in person and that I would find
him at the flat.  He wasn't there either, maybe he would call later, he
knew what time I would be home, still he didn't.

I started losing control again, and my tears began to flow down my cheeks
like the Great Zambezi river.  I needed to see him, to say I was sorry, to
give him back his key and make things the way they were.  The memories of
our life together flashed through my mind like an old movie, the day we met
6 years earlier, the day that we sat in that tiny coffee shop 4 years ago
as I pored my heart out to him, telling him how I felt about him, and then
remembering the feeling I felt when he told me he felt the same.

Tasting that first sweet tender kiss on my lips, remembering how nervous we
both were at what we were about to experience.  Remembering how much I
loved him and how close I felt to him at that moment when he gave himself
over to me for the first time, and regretting that I had never offered
myself up to him in the same way.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" I continued to sob as I began to realise that
he wasn't coming back.  That I was only a convenience for him when he
needed it, and he didn't need me anymore.  Four years of my life I had
devoted to him, we had made so many plans together, he had promised to make
me happy, he had promised we would be together.  Had he been lying to me
all this time?

I began to wander around the flat aimlessly, I remember the songs that were
playing on the radio.  They have been playing in my mind often enough since
then, "Making Love Out Of Nothing" by Air Supply, and "I Want To Know What
Love Is" by Foreigner.

I don't know what came next because when I woke up again it was 4 days
later and I was lying in the intensive care unit at the hospital.  When I
woke up, Clive was sitting at my bedside.  I looked over at him, not sure
of where I was, he noticed I was awake, and he put his hand against the
side of my face.

"Welcome back.  You gave us all a big scare."

"Where am I, what happened?"

He explained the events of the previous 4 days, in as much detail as he
knew.  He had been up at a sick bay on the border, but had flown down to
bring a patient to the hospital.  When I hadn't turned up for work on the
2nd day, the sister had asked him to find out if I was alright because they
couldn't get hold of me on the phone, and they couldn't get into the flat
either.  He was the only other person that had a key to the flat, when he
walked in he found me lying on the floor in the lounge.  There were empty
pill bottles lying on the coffee table.  I had taken every tablet I had in
the flat.  Working in a hospital, it wasn't difficult to build up a
collection of sleeping tablets or antidepressants or any other prescription
drugs not taken by the patients on their discharge.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?"

"I don't know.  I can't remember.  Where's Doug?"

"I don't fucking believe you!  When are you going to get it through your
thick fucking head that the guy is a prick!"

Clive started raising his voice to me.  I knew he didn't like Doug, but he
had never reacted like this towards him before.

"Does he know where I am?"

"Will you forget him now please!  I phoned him before I went to the flat to
find out if he knew where you were.  Do you want me to tell you what he had
to say for himself?  It wasn't difficult to work out what had happened to
make you pull a stunt like this."

His tone of voice getting more aggressive, if it wasn't for the drips and
the tubes that were inserted into me, I'm sure he would have grabbed me and
shook the shit out of me.  Probably exactly what I needed.  I wasn't ready
for any of this yet, I started to cry.

Just then Steven came walking into the room.  He had this serious concerned
look on his face, he was carrying a bunch of roses in his right hand, he
came walking over to the other side of the bed and handed me the flowers.
As I took them from him, his hands wrapped around mine holding the flowers,
he leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips.

"How you doing lover?"

That was it, the tears didn't even take the chance to well up first, they
streamed down the sides of my face.  I wasn't sure if I was crying because
I was sad because of where I was and what I had done, or happy because two
people that really loved me were sitting there trying to help me through
this.

"I'm sorry I should have realised you were going through a bit of trouble
when I spoke to you the other day."  Steve apologized, shit how the fuck
was he supposed to know?  "You obviously don't realise this yet, but I'm
here for you when you need me.  We haven't known each other that long yet,
but I know I feel more for you than just friendship."  He stroked the side
of my cheek wiping away the tears, the tenderness and caring in his voice
was clear, and there was no mistaking that Steven meant every word he was
saying.  "Come, let me dry your tears, give me one of those beautiful
smiles of yours.  This room is a bit on the dark side, light it up for us."

Oh my God, what was I wasting my time with Doug for?  Did this guy know how
to melt a mans heart or what?  Needless to say I started to smile from ear
to ear.  We locked into a gaze, and I swear I could see the love in his
eyes, I was under a trance, captivated by his eyes, the world around me
disappeared, there was only him and me.  Clive broke the spell when he took
the roses that were now lying across my stomach.

"Let me organize a vase for those."  He left with the roses in hand and
returned a few moments later.  He sat down on the bed beside me again,
"Sorry Charlie, but I must go, I was supposed to have flown back 2 days ago
already, there's a flight leaving in 2 hours, and I must still pack.  It's
good to have you back with us, there are people that love and care for you
believe it or not."

With that the tears started up again.  He leaned over, kissed me on the
side of the cheek and whispered in my ear.  "I love you."  He straightened
up and said goodbye, I could see the tears begin to build up in his eyes
before he turned around and walked out saying goodbye to Steven as he
walked away.

As he walked out of sight, I turned my eyes up to the ceiling and fought to
keep back the tears.  Where the fuck was Doug, why couldn't he be here.
Wasn't he the one that told me that he loved and needed me?  If that was
true, where was he now when I needed him the most.

I snapped back to reality when I felt Stevens hand on the side of my face
as he turned my head to face him again.  Before I really re-orientated
myself to where I was, Steven leaned forward and pressed his lips against
mine.  He held his lips against mine for a few moments, then I felt his
lips begin to part.  It seemed so natural for mine to follow suit, he
softly pressed his tongue into my mouth until his met with mine.  He gently
caressed my tongue with his, my eyes closed instinctively, he pressed his
lips closer to mine, penetrating my mouth deeper with his tongue.  Our
tongues danced together for a few moments before he withdrew, gently
pulling my bottom lip between his as he moved back.  I opened my eyes, he
was looking at me and our eyes made contact.

His fingers were brushing through my hair, he leaned forward again and
softly kissed me.  His hand moved behind my head and the other behind my
back and he pulled me into his arms.  As he held me in his embrace, his
mouth was at my ears.  "I love you, don't leave me please!"

I pulled my head back to look into his face, I don't know what I was about
to say, but he put his fingers across my lips.  "Shhhhh.  Don't say
anything, I don't want to hear what you might say."  And then he pressed
his lips against mine again.

The silence and the moment was broken as sister Baxter came bounding into
the room.  "Chips Charlie, Major Wilson is doing her rounds, she'll be here
any second.  Besides, your drip needs changing, and if you two guys carry
on like this, your sheets will too!"  she chuckled smugly.

It was only then that I remembered that even though I was in a room by
myself, being an intensive care unit, there were no brick walls above waist
height, it was all glass windows.  I started to giggle when I realized that
we had been giving all the sisters in the unit a show.  Luckily I knew all
of them, although the only one that knew I was gay, up till now that is,
was sister Baxter.  Although I was a little embarrassed at the situation,
quite frankly I didn't give a damn, my army career was blown to shit any
way after this little exercise.  It was clear that Steven didn't give a
shit either, all he did was straighten up and smile at her.

Sandra (sister Baxter) and I were pretty close friends, having worked
together a few times.  She knew all about my "On/Off" relationship with
Doug, but always kept her opinion to herself.  She claimed to be straight,
but I always suspected that she may be gay herself.  She lived with another
sister that worked in the hospital, but constantly told me about her
conquests with the doctors and new "intake" officers.

"Hi there, the name is Sandra." She said as she looked away from me looking
across at Steven.  I'd forgotten that they hadn't met yet and didn't bother
to introduce them.

"Hi, Steven." He said as he pointed to himself.

"Hi there Steven, good to see that there is someone else that can put a
smile on his face."  She continued as if I wasn't in the room.  "Will you
guys give it about 15 minutes so that the Wilson can finish her rounds, and
then you can do what you like, nobody will disturb you."  She rambled on as
she drew the curtains across the windows.  She winked as she looked back at
Steven, with this Cheshire cat grin on her face, and said "That drip should
last for another 4 hours, I'm sure that is enough time to "visit" before
the next interruption!"

The next 15 minutes felt like 15 hours, the Major popped her head into the
cubicle, and when she recognized me, decided to come in for a chat.  She
totally ignored Steven, which pissed me off intensely, I was pretty abrupt
with her, so any drawn out conversation that she may have had in mind was
cut short.

"Thought they would never leave us alone."  Steven said as he turned back
towards me leaning forward to kiss me again.

As he pressed his lips against mine, his hand slipped under the covers and
targeted in on my crotch.  I pushed him back reflexively.

"Steven, I'm in hospital, there are people outside, there isn't even a door
that we can close."

"You heard Sandra, nobody is going to disturb us.  What do you think she
was hinting at, that we can chat in peace about the weather?"

"Yea sure, but..."  before I could say another word, he pressed his lips
against mine, and his tongue began to search for mine.  My eyes closed as I
wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me.  His hand was
still resting on my cock, but he didn't make any attempts to massage it or
stroke it, he just held his hand over it.  He broke away from our kiss,
resting on his elbow, he removed his hand off my cock and stroked me on the
cheek.

"I want to be with you, not only here and now, but everywhere and forever."

He kicked off his shoes and swung his legs up behind him until he was lying
on the bed beside me.  He rested his head onto my shoulder, his face
pressed against mine, his fingers still stroking my cheek.

"Promise me you will never do this to me, anyone, ever again.  Promise me
that if you ever feel that you can't go on anymore, that you will find
somebody, anybody, to talk to."  I felt a tear running down the side of my
cheek and heard him softly sniff as he tried to hold back his own tears.
For the first time in so long I felt as if someone truly loved me.  I
pulled him closer to me.  I'd eventually started to realise what a jerk I
was, and how selfish I had been with what I had done, not considering
anyone else but myself, forgetting that there may be other people out there
that I could be hurting with my actions.  I realised that what I had done
was not going to serve a purpose of punishing Doug.  As quietly as I could,
I let my own tears run down my face, gripped by my feelings of guilt and
self pity.  We fell asleep cuddled up like that in each others arms.  We
were woken up at about 5am in the morning by Sandra when she brought us an
early morning cup of coffee.

"Sorry boys, it's time to wake up, and Steven I'm afraid you are going to
have to make a move, if the major catches you here when she does her
morning rounds, she is going to go through the roof, and I am going to be
in more shit than I care for, you've got 5 minutes."

*************************************    ***********************************

Sorry folks, this chapter was a bit heavy, but it was a pretty heavy moment
in my life.  Suicide was a big mistake and not the right solution to my
problems.  It is *NOT* a way to test who really loves you.  The story
improves from here on in the next chapters which should be here in a few weeks.

Thank you to all of you that have been sending me messages, it's great to
know that you guys are enjoying my story.  Even if it was a nightmare for
me living through it!!  lol 

See you soon for chapter 7

Love you all,
Fabler