Date: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 05:05:41 +0000
From: Brandon Michell <ontopofit72@hotmail.com>
Subject: Figuring it all out: Chapter One

This is my first foray into the world of writing so I hope that you enjoy
it.  This is a bit of a personal story so I hope it means even a fraction
to you what it meant to me to even begin to write it.

As this is my first attempt I'm going to keep it rather short as I don't
really know if its going to work!

The author holds exclusive copyright (2004) to this story.  It may not be
reproduced in any form without the specific written permission of the
author.  It is assigned to the Nifty Archive under the terms of their
submission agreement but it may not be copied or archived on any other site
without the written permission of the author.



I guess it all started when I was about 6 years old.  I don't know when I
first learned what the word epiphany meant but I certainly had one about
that time.  I can remember it so clearly now although I have to admit there
are times when I wish that single memory wasn't so clear.

It was a chilly night in September and the Local High School Team had just
experienced a crushing defeat in their opening game.  I had been dragged
into serving as the ball boy for the home team (mostly because my dad was a
coach) and I had obediently performed my duty without too man mishaps.

As I'm sure happens with all Football Coaches everywhere the game was over
and they sat huddled in a little office animatedly talking over the defeat
with one another, and attempting to figure out just went wrong.

My dad had sat me down in a chair right outside the office with the warning
"don't move from this seat and after we are done I'll take you to McDonalds
before we go home."

Being 6 meant that I wasn't going to sit still if I had a gun pointed to my
head and so after a few minutes I began to squirm around.  From down the
hall I could hear a bunch of movement and noise and so naturally I decided
to investigate.  Ducking under the plate glass window I walked down to the
end of the hall to where the player's locker room was.

The players were all in there changing after the game and one of the
players (to this day I don't remember who it was saw me standing there.)

"Hey Greg what's going on?"  He asked me?

"Nothin I gotta wait around until my dad is done with that stupid meeting
and I'm bored" I replied.

"Well if you want you can sit in here, I gotta talk to your dad about some
stuff later anyways!" he said.

"Really?  Thanks that would be cool." I said

"So how do you think we played." The football player asked me?

"Ehhh I don't know my Dad seems mad but really whats different with that?"
I sheepishly replied.

Laughing he ruffled my hair

"Hey Greg I gotta take a shower you be ok till I get done?"  he asked me.

"Yeah I'll be fine" I said

"Ok well don't let any of these assholes mess with you ok... I'll be right
back" he said

I can remember it well when that football player pulled off his shoulder
pads and pants and stood before me for a few brief seconds completely
naked.  I wouldn't be able to tell you what those feelings I had in those
brief seconds were for years but I couldn't take my eyes off of him.  He
had the most amazing stomach I had ever seen (I'm a big big abs guy!) the
abs rippled and curved and created a hilly sort of effect and he had the
most full hard pecs, well and then of course there was his dick.  It was
semi-hard and it just sort of hung there.  I don't really remember if it
was big or anything particular about it but I just remember realizing it
was much bigger than my own.

The football player tugged on his dick a few times before he headed off to
the shower.  I sometimes wonder when I think back on that night whether he
knew I was watching and whether he did it on purpose.  I like to think that
he did.

A little bit later he came back with a towel wrapped around his waste and
wet hair and he talked to me while he put his clothes on.  After about 5
more minutes my dad came wandering into the locker room looking for me.

"Hey Greg I thought I told you to sit in the chair" he asked me.

"I'm sorry Dad don't be mad I was bored though."

He sighed (family trait) and didn't really respond.  At this point the
football player jumped into the fray.

"Hey coach I gotta a couple of questions about some of the stuff that
happened in the game can we talk about it?"  he asked my dad.

"Not right now Big Dog (my dad always called people that) I'll catch you on
Monday ok?" he said

"Sure coach have a good one... Greg was no bother he and I were talking
football I'll see ya Monday take it easy Greg." He replied as he walked out
of the locker room.

"Well ready to go son?  Your mom is probably wondering where you are!" my
dad asked me.

"Yeah I'm real tired Dad."

"Ok let's go home." He replied

That episode was the first time in my life that I remember looking at
another man and being attracted.  Now you have to understand something, I
didn't go through some sort of revelation or transformation in becoming a
gay man.  I always knew I was gay (well at least at 6 I had feelings about
it!) but it would be years before I fully understood who I was and that
process was a really painful one.