Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 04:36:38 +0000
From: Brandon Michell <ontopofit72@hotmail.com>
Subject: Figuring it all out:  Chapter Two

The author holds exclusive copyright (2004) to this story.  It may not be
reproduced in any form without the specific written permission of the
author.  It is assigned to the Nifty Archive under the terms of their
submission agreement but it may not be copied or archived on any other site
without the written permission of the author.

This is story partially based on fact and partially on fiction.  I've
appreciated everyone's feedback so far and please feel free to drop me an
email with any suggestions/comments or whatever.  Also I'll apologize now
as I serve as my own proof reader for any mistakes that I've made in the
writing!

After that football game needless to say I was very interested in
volunteering to be the ball boy for future football games.  Life continued
on in this way for a few years and I slowly grew up.

High School came around and this was the next turning point in my life. I
realized rather quickly that I was somehow different than everyone around
me.  Oh it wasn't the being gay thing (cause I still didn't even know what
that was) but I just didn't fit in.  I went to a school with a bunch of
kids who were already reaching their potentials in life.  To so many of my
friends and classmates couldn't see past our Senior Year.  That to them was
the ultimate, the thing they had been looking forward to for years.  I on
the other hand had gone through all of my high school years feeling
disconnected from just about everyone.

I was one of those kids that just couldn't find a niche anywhere.  I was
very involved in sports all through high school.  In fact, I played
Football, Basketball, ran Track, and played Golf (hey no comments about the
Golf!) and competed on my own in Power Lifting Events all through High
School, but I think if you were to ask anyone else at that school that
wouldn't have thought of me as a Jock.  I excelled in the classroom and was
my High School Valedictorian but no one really considered me one of the
"smart kids."  I sat in the back of all my classes and never raised my
hand.  I turned in my homework and did exactly as told never stepping out
of line or being noticed.  I participated in the sports because that's what
my Dad wanted and to be honest I enjoyed it too.  I was pretty good at most
of them and did just enough that people respected my prowess, but not so
much that I was considered stellar.

High School to me was simply something I endured in order to get to my
goal: College.  I'd known all my life that I was going to college.  Every
thing I had done up until my Senior Year of High School had been in order
to go to college.  However, my senior year of High School also brought a
change that I had not anticipated and was not ready for.

I can remember it very clearly.  I came home one day after school and I saw
my Mom and Dad sitting in the living room.

"Hi Mom, Dad whatsup..."  I said

"Whatsup?  What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  said my Dad.

My dad's always calling me on the language I choose to use.  Anytime I ever
said anything like "whatsup" or used the word "Like" in a sentence
incorrectly he would call me on it and extol me into using proper English.

"Sorry Dad what's going on?  How come you both are sitting in here?" I said

"Greg we have to talk to you" said my Mom.

At this point I was freaking out.  Not only were my parents acting really
strange but they had me completely off my guard.  They were both sitting in
our living room which in my house was the sacred room.  That was the room
that company used.  It had the really nice soft plush overstuffed sofas
(you know the ones that leave impressions of your ass after you sit in
them.)  That room was off limits to everyone in the family and was hardly
ever used.  What the hell were my parents sitting in here for?  What had I
done?  I was frantically searching my brain trying to come up with whatever
it was I had done...  I sat down in one of the couches and that's when I
noticed it.

Sitting on the floor next to my parents was a rather large box.  The
outside of the box was painted white and had randomly shaped black spots
all over the outside.  The overall effect was to make the box look like a
giant square cow.

"We were going to wait to give this to you for awhile, but your Dad and I
decided that it was about time for you to have something to help out with
your school work and that you could take to college with you!"  said my
Mom.

"What?" I asked.

"A computer... We got you a computer.  We know you've needed one for a long
time but we just didn't really think you were ready for the responsibility
yet" Said my Dad.

You have to understand that I grew up in a technologically backwards
family.
  I think if my parents could have had their way everyone would still be
using ink and quill pen to write.  For my parents to be telling me that
they were getting me a computer was unbelievable.  I was so excited and
just completely overcome.  Up to that point it was the most extravagant
gift I'd ever gotten.  To be perfectly honest I was already thinking about
how I could sneak out of the house and buy a couple of games to play on it
(I know I'm a dork!)

I took the box into my room and started immediately setting the computer
up.
  I know it sounds stupid but I was just so excited, and as I started the
computer up for the first time I picked up the discarded instructions (who
really uses those anyways) and was looking them over when I made a
discovery that was going to change my life.  On the second sheet of the
instructions was a little blurb about how included with the computer was a
complimentary six month subscription to America Online.

I think at this point I need to explain that I went to High School in a
really rural area.  A lot of agriculture occurred, and for the most part
people just didn't have a need for computers or the internet.  I can't
think of too many friends in high school that had computers and I know
almost no one that had access to the internet.  If you had to use the
internet for anything you pretty much went to the local library and used
their computer to access the web.

I now had in my possession a new computer and access to the internet.  I
went and asked my parents if it was ok for me to log on and after getting
their approval I got on the internet (at 17) for the very first time.  I
don't know if you can remember back to your first foray into the internet
but it was mesmerizing.  It's amazing how time flies when you're on the
internet, now that I'm older I can't even tolerate anything slower than
cable internet, and yet back then with my 12 k modem I was simply
mesmerized but the cool things you could do.

Just about the time that I finished setting up my first email account, my
Mom called me down to dinner.

Later that night...

You ever get something that you're just so thrilled about you can't sleep?
Well that was my computer!  That night while lying in bed I just couldn't
sleep, and so I decided I was going to get up and play around again on the
computer.  When I logged onto the internet that night it was as if I new
that I was going to be doing something naughty or wrong or at least
something that my parents wouldn't approve of, and so I wrapped the modem
up in my pillow while it went through the whirring and the beeping of
logging onto the internet so that my parents wouldn't hear it.  Just to be
safe I took my towel and put it across the gap in the door too so that no
light from the screen would show from under my door.

The funny thing about the internet which I soon learned was that the later
you're on it the more likely you are to start looking at sites that you
probably wouldn't look at during the day.  That's what happened to me.
Sitting there all alone in the dark I just could help myself.  I was all
alone in my room with a new toy and I just had to take it out and see what
it could do.  What worlds I could uncover... Basically, I was horny and I
new the internet had porn on it.

Up until this point I'd never had a girlfriend, just didn't seem interested
in having one, but I started out with girl porn.  To my amazement I easily
found a number of interesting sites and being that I was all alone in the
dark of my bed room I also decided to be a bit naughty and take out my
dick.  My dick is something that I've always been proud of.  It isn't huge
probably about 7 1/2 to 8 inches and its girth is directly proportional to
its length.  If my dick were one of the bears in Goldilocks I would imagine
that mine would be the one that said "I'm JUST RIGHT!"  I've been told by a
number of trustworthy people that my dick is actually quite pretty.  It
just sort of works well.  No real big protruding veins, it bulges slightly
right before the head and then I have a really nice mushroom shaped head to
top it all off.  Anyways, so I took it out while I was looking at some girl
porn and started playing with it.  Imagine my surprise when nothing really
seemed to happen.  My dick just didn't want to play.  So I decided to go on
to the next pic, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one well
you get the picture.  I just couldn't get aroused.  Finally, a picture
loaded where a girl wasn't by herself in the picture anymore, and instead
she was being fucked by a man.  Well my cock instantly sprang to attention
at this.

Thinking nothing of it at the time I began to slowly stroke my cock shaft
up and down in a very slow and methodical way.  I was going to have one of
those really long jack off sessions where you take your time and do it just
right (you know the kind!)  I kept catching myself looking at the man in
the picture much more than the woman.  Damn he was hot.  He was one of
those really muscle bound studs he had to have been 6'5'' or taller with
blond hair cut in one of those surfer/beach volleyball player styles.  His
pecs were big and meaty, and his abs just rippled with perfection.  The
rest of his body was also quite spectacular big strong powerful legs and
what looked to be an amazing piece of meat hanging between them (couldn't
quite tell because it was partially obscured by the woman's mouth DAMN
HER!)  Needless to say I was on fire.  He was so damn hot.

I kept looking at his picture staring into his blue eyes and slowly pulling
on my cock.  With time my rhythm began to increase slowly until I was
really going for it all.  Finally, my cock just exploded in my hand I have
had a few orgasms in my day and this was one to remember.  Cum just flew
everywhere.  My toes curled up and my entire body became ultra sensitive to
any sort of touch.

After I had calmed down I looked around and dammit no lie there was cum all
over the damn keyboard and screen.  I got my towel off the floor risking
letting some light out and cleaned up the keyboard and screen, and the
quietly tiptoed out into the hall and put the towel at the bottom of the
hamper so my mom wouldn't see it.

Coming back to my room I still wasn't tired and so I sat back down at the
computer screen.  That picture was still there of the guy and I just
couldn't take my eyes off of it.  It was then that the pieces in my brain
started to fit together.  I wasn't naïve or anything I knew was a
homosexual was.  During my years of sports there weren't too many days that
went by where someone didn't get called a "fag" or "homo" out on the
playing field and so I understood what it meant.  Here I was though and I
just couldn't even imagine that's what I was.  Why was I attracted to this
picture of a guy?  I mean that wasn't natural was it?  What the fuck?  I
didn't want to be one of those fags and I certainly didn't want anyone else
to know anything about me.  Problem was I didn't know what a "fag" was.
All I new was it had something to do with men having sex with other men.

It was about this point that my brain came back online I calmed down and my
intelligent side started to take over.  I pulled out a binder than had come
with the computer and began looking through it for a specific CD.  Ahhhh
there it was The Family Doctor.  It was some lame ass computer CD that had
come with my computer free and I figured maybe it had something to say
about my problem.  I loaded the CD and entered into its search bar "fag".

Nothing came up.

I tried again "homo"

This time two links popped up and I clicked on the first one
"homosexuality"

The CD loaded page after page of information about homosexuals.  I was
mesmerized.  I read and read for at least a couple of hours trying to
figure this whole thing out.

Now at this point some of you may be wondering "what the hell is the matter
with this kid?  How could he not know?"  Well I was raised like I said in a
small rural farming community.  Kids where I was from got married at 18
started having kids immediately, and worked on Daddy's farm until Dad died
and you took over.  That sort of cycle breeds ignorance, and I just didn't
know.  I seriously doubt to this day that there has ever been or ever will
be a homosexual male that will live where I grew up.  It just wouldn't
work!

After reading through the information that the Family Doctor had on it I
still wasn't satisfied, so I got back on the internet (again grabbing for
the pillow).  This time I started looking up other kids of websites.  Gay
ones.  One of the very first sites that I clicked on had the option of
creating an online profile (sort of a dating thing) and at this point I was
curious and so I set one up.  I put in my stats 6'5'' 210#'s athletic 18
years old (I learned how to lie about my age quick!) looking for: Friends,
People to Talk to.

With that all done I was starting to get really tired and so I decided
enough was enough and that I should probably go to bed.  Shutting down the
computer I took one more look around the room looking for any stray cum
that I'd missed and crawled into bed.  Sleep that night wasn't really in
the cards and so I lay there drifting in and out of a fitful sleep trying
to make sense in my head about everything that I had done on that computer
and seen on the internet.

To be continued...