Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 11:48:44 EST
From: GaiasDruid@aol.com
Subject: Group Dynamics- Chapter 4

This is a work of fiction.  It will eventually contain sexual acts between
consenting men.  If gay sex is illegal in your area, or you're under the age
of consent in your area, or you just flat out don't like queer sex (what the
hell would you be at this site for?) then go away.  Comments, questions, and
ideas welcome and appreciated, and will be responded to.  Please put 'Nifty'
in the subject line so I know it's not spam.

Thanx, and enjoy.

Chris

Email to gaiasdruid@aol.com



Group Dynamics- Chapter 4

    About a half-hour later, there was a light knock on my door.

    "Come in," I said from beneath the pillow where my head was buried.

    The door opened and closed, and I felt someone sit down on the side of my
bed.  I felt a hand rest across my back, patting me in a soothing manner.
Whoever it was kept quiet, as if unsure what to say.  I figured Matt or Ryan
was trying to come up with a diplomatic way to tell me that the other two
guys were being uncooperative.  When the person spoke, however, it wasn't one
of the voices I expected.

    "Luke..." said a very odd sounding Jude.

    I lifted the pillow from my head and rolled over to find Jude staring at
me with red, puffy eyes.  He looked like he had been crying.  I said nothing.
 I didn't even know where to start.  So I let him begin, let him tell me what
he needed to say.

    "Luke," he started again. "I, um, I wanted to apologize for what I said
in there.  I, ah, oh fuck!  This is so hard!  Look, I panicked.  I said some
things I really didn't mean.  It's just that, well, I didn't really know
that Ryan knew already and was cool with it, and I wanted to put up a front
for him.  I'm rooming with him, ya know, and I thought if I showed I was
totally okay with it, he would get all pissed and start calling me a fag, or
something.  Ya know, like guilty by association and all that shit.  Really,
it doesn't bother me, man.  I mean, I've even fooled around with a couple of
guys when I was younger, so believe me, I understand.

    "Look, please don't be mad at me.  I realized as I said it I was way
outta line, and I when I went into my room I just started panicking, ya know?
 When Ryan came in and told me I was a prick for blowing up at you like that,
I felt so bad I couldn't stop from cryin'.  I mean, it dawned on me that he
knew and didn't care, so I had just blown up at you for no reason at all.

    "I'll talk to Josh about it too.  I'll tell him it's not a big deal.
He'll listen to all of us.  He won't wanna be the odd man out.  I'll make
it right, I swear I will.  He was only saying that shit cuz he saw my
reaction first.  He was just trying to not look bad in front of Matt, like I
was doin' with Ryan."

    He was babbling, I could tell.  His voice was getting more and more
desperate the longer I went without saying anything.  He thought I was mad,
or too hurt to respond.  All I was feeling was relief; relief that someone I
wanted to be my friend still wanted to even after he knew my deepest secret.
I was so choked up with relief I couldn't speak.  The lump in my throat was
huge.  I had been accepted.  For me.
    Jude, on the other hand, was taking my silence for anger.  He saw me
watching him stumble through his apology and was convinced it futile.  His
words tapered off, and a resigned expression came over his face.  He stood up
and walked towards the door in defeat.

    Finally, I got my voice.

    "Jude, wait."  He stopped and turned back towards me.

    "Listen, I understand, ok?" I said.  "I'm alright.  I didn't expect you
guys to be thrilled.  It was just, well, I also didn't expect such a rabid
response either."

    He walked back to my bed and sat back down.

    "Luke, man, damn, I'm really sorry.  I honestly don't understand why I
panicked so badly.  I mean, I've actually done queer, I mean, gay, things, so
I know it's not a big deal."

    "It's alright, Jude.  I'm good."

    "Really?  I mean you're not just saying that to make me leave the room
and get the fuck outta your face?"

    I laughed at this, and I reached out my hand to take his in a firm
handshake.

    "I mean it.  I'm good.  Thanks for coming in here and clearing the air."

    "Aw, fuck, Luke!  How could I not?  I'm gonna be living with you, so I
might as well get along with you," he said.  A slight smile played across his
face.  "Besides, you're kind of cute."

    "I believe the words great looking and hot as fuck were used by you at
lunch, if my memory serves," I said with an answering grin.

    "Yeah, ok, you're right.  Hot as fuck, and if I hadn't made such an ass
outta myself out there, I would have been tryin' to get into your pants
already," he said.  A slight pause and then softly, "That, of course, was
assuming that I was good enough for you."

    I let out a small chuckle.  "I believe Ryan said you were `pretty good'
yourself.  And I did say I loved your eyes."

    "That you did.  Did you mean it?"

    "Very much so."

    "Cool."

    He sat there, silent for a few moments, just watching my face.  He seemed
to be nervous.  Suddenly, he bent down and placed a firm kiss on my lips.  It
was brief, and he jerked back upright as if expecting me to slap him.  His
face showed that he thought I was going to slap him.  I did no such thing.
    I wrapped one hand around his neck and pulled him back down to continue
the kiss.  I didn't know if he would go postal on me or not, but if his
comments and his actions were any indication, he was interested.  I guess I
read him right, because he melted into the kiss, his tongue snaking out to
beg entrance to my mouth.  I parted my lips and let him in.  It was my first
real kiss.

    Our hands began to join in the fray, rubbing and caressing each other's
bodies in our attempts to give and get pleasure.  I opened my eyes to find
myself gazing back into the emerald green eyes of the guy above me.  He was
watching my face intently, his green eyes locked onto my silver ones,
searching for what, I could not tell.  With agonizing slowness, we separated.
 There was no way we could continue any further with this.  The others were
right outside in the living room.  We needed to wait for a more personal
opportunity.
    Jude pulled away from me and held my hands in his.  His face was flushed,
and I could feel the answering heat in my own cheeks.  This was the last
thing either of us had planned on.  It hadn't even been one day yet.  This
was going to be an interesting year.  Jude cleared his throat.

    "We, uh, we better hold this for another time," he said. "We have to
leave soon for dinner and the orientation."

    Yeah, I know," I answered.  "Um, maybe we can pick up where we left off
at a later time."

    "I'd like that."

    "I should warn you, though.  You will be my first."

    "What?!  You've mean you've never...?"

    "You just got dibs on my first kiss, buddy,"

    "Holy shit!  This...this is like, a big deal," he exclaimed.  "I hope I
made it memorable."

    "I'm sure you were awesome."

    "You mean, you can't tell me yet?"

    "You're the first guy I've ever kissed.  I have nothing to compare it
to. If and when I kiss someone else, then I'll let you know.:

    "Damn, you sure know how to make a guy feel special."

    "I'm teasing.  I have a right to tease a little, after your little
temper tantrum in the living room."

    Jude sighed.  "I guess you're right.  I just hope you really do forgive
me, and you're not playing with me in some weird revenge sort of twist."

    "Ha ha ha, Jude.  Funny.  No, I don't play people, at least emotionally.
 But I hope to play you like a harp physically later on," I deadpanned.

    "Hell, that you can play anytime."

    "Ok enough of this sexual innuendo.  I accept that you're sorry for your
explosion, and I see that we have things, at least partially, in common.
Now, we need to chill with the talk, because I got a rock hard dick that
needs to go down a bit before I can walk out in front of the others.  So,
chill, sexy," I said with a grin.

    Jude reached behind him and grabbed a handful of my hard dick, squeezing
it gently.  He looked at me and grinned.

    "Damn, nice piece, Luke.  Can't wait to see what it looks like, and
maybe even tastes like," he said.

    I swatted his hand away.

    "Stop, bitch!  We do not have time to play touchy-feely."

    Jude laughed softly.

    "OK, fine.  Get your ass up and ready.  I'm gonna go out there and let
the others know you'll be a few minutes."

    He got up and walked over to the door.  He paused as his hand found the
doorknob, and he turned back to glance at me over his shoulder.

    "Luke, I, um, well, I hope we really can be friends.  Fuckin' around
with you will be fun and all, but I wanna say right now that it can't go
beyond playing around.  I don't wanna date you, or anything.  I wanna date a
girl, see, and I can't date a guy.  Don't be mad, `k?"

    "Don't worry about it.  I know what bisexual means."

    "Thanks, dude."  With that he turned the doorknob and exited the room,
shutting the door behind him.
    I lay there for a few moments, trying to digest what had just happened.
One of the two people who had reacted badly to my secret had just did a
complete 180.  Not only did he not care that I was queer, he was interested
in pursuing a physical relationship.  A disaster had become a blessing.  That
was almost too much to believe.  I felt like I was in a soap opera, full of
mystery and plot twists.
    I got up out of bed and went into my bathroom to check my appearance.  My
eyes seemed a little puffy.  I must have cried a little.  I washed my face,
straightened my hair, and spritzed on some CK1.  Judging myself presentable,
I walked over to my door and went out to meet the guys.

    At first glance, I didn't see Josh.  Matt, Ryan, and Jude were sitting on
the couch and recliner that faced my door, talking quietly amongst
themselves.  As I walked further into the room, I saw that Josh was indeed in
the room.  He was lying down on the couch that faced away from my room.  As I
walked up, the subdued conversation came to an abrupt halt.  Talk about an
awkward moment for me.  Sheesh.

    "Are we ready to go?" I asked the room in general. "I'm starving!"

    "Ugh...yes....food...must have...me hungry!" Matt said in pseudo-caveman speak.

    Ryan laughed.  "Alright, Captain Caveman, let's go get some grindage!"

    "Oh, you sound so surfer when you call food grindage," teased Jude.

    "Hey, I've been around.  I know how to speak pidgin Hawaiian.  You'd be
surprised at what I know," said Ryan, defensively.

    "I bet," laughed Matt, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

    "Fuck you, ya moron!" Ryan said, aiming a feeble kick at Matt's
backside.  "You're the one who said that you liked kink when it comes to the
bedroom."

    "Oh, no you did not just say that!" Matt gasped.

    "Hey, is there some dirt we should know?" Jude asked.

    "Yeah, are there gonna strange noises comin' outta his bedroom that we
should be aware of?" I added.

    "Yeah, if you hear strange animal sounds, ya know, grunts of a pig, the
screams of a sheep in pain, that kind of thing, it's just Matt doing the
dirty deed with his `friends'," said Ryan, dodging another kick from Matt.

    "Great, one roommate a queer, another into fucking animals," Josh spoke
for the first time, a slight grin on his face.  "Any other peculiarities I
should know about?"

    "I will have you know that I do not now, nor will I ever fuck animals,"
said Matt, with a haughty air to his voice.  "They fuck me."

    The rest of us groaned in agony at Mat's bad joke as we walkrd out the
door and headed across the fifty yards or so between Rowan Dorm's front door
and the dining commons.  The menu posted outside the door said that tonight
was Mexican night.

    "Mmm, tacos," said Jude, with a grimace.

    "Enchiladas," added Matt, his eyes rolling.

    "Burritos," laughed Josh.

    "Nachos," quipped Ryan.

    "And with refried beans for everyone," I finished.  "Now I'm glad I got
the single.  I don't envy sleeping in a room with any of you after eating
this shit tonight."

    "Trade with me?" begged Josh.

    "Not on your life.  Not if you paid me.  Not if you threatened me with a
horrible, agonizing death.  Which is what you're facing tonight when Matt
starts letting loose with his gaseous anomalies."

    "May the Force be with you," said Jude, giggling and fanning his hand in
front of his nose.

    We pulled open the door and walked into the dining commons.  The tables
were all covered with black tablecloths with gold trim, and each had three
long, tapered candles atop it.  The waiters all seemed to be dressed in
Mexican garb complete with gold frilled surcoats and huge sombreros.  We
stood there in awe, taking in the transformation.  The host spotted us and
walked over to seat us.

    "Ah, Seniors, welcome to the Casa del Fuente," he said with a fake
Spanish accent.  "I am Miguel, your host for this evening.  Right this way."

    We followed behind him in single file, me in the lead.  As we walked I
asked him, "Is your name really Miguel?"

    "No," he whispered back conspiratorially, "It's Patrick.  But we have
this theme shit to follow."

    I smiled at him in acknowledgement as we reached our table.  We sat
ourselves and `Miguel' handed us each a menu.

    "Your waiter will be with you shortly," he said.  He bowed and walked
back towards the door to seat another group of students who had just entered.
    We all opened our menus, and gave our orders to the handsome waiter that
came to our table.  As he was taking our orders, I saw Jude give me a sly
wink, and nodded his head towards our waiter.  I grinned back and nodded in
agreement that yes, I too saw how cute he was.  Orders given, we sat back to
enjoy a leisurely meal.
    Conversation was free and uninhibited, at least for the most part.  We
each instinctually felt free to talk about anything and everything with each
other.  The only fly in the ointment, as it were, was the tension that was
palpable between Josh and I.  He had yet to speak more than three words to me
directly, and avoided answering even my direct questions.
       As the meal progressed, the others felt my growing discomfort.  It was
time for me to go.  I was ruining everyone else's dinner.  Just as I stood up
to leave, Matt spoke up.
       "Luke, sit your ass back down," he said through clenched teeth.

       I sat back down in confusion.  Why was he mad at me?  Josh was the one
being a prick.  His next words cleared away my confusion.
       "This is fucking stupid!  Luke, you haven't done anything to be
ashamed of.  There's no reason for you to leave.  I never wanna see you
running away with your tail between your legs ever again, you understand me?
You're just gay.  That doesn't mean you have to be a fucking pussy as well!"

       I nodded mutely.  Matt wasn't done.

       "And Josh, you need to chill the fuck out.  What is the big deal?  So
what if Luke sucks dick or takes it up the ass?"

       I stared at him in shock, blushing furiously.  I hadn't done any of
those things.  Not yet, at any rate,  I glanced quickly around at the other
tables to make sure no one was close enough to hear.
       "This is college," Matt continued. "This is a time when you're
supposed to open your mind, open your horizons, and be open to new ideas.
Just because two guys fucking makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean it's
wrong.  I'm sure the thought of you fucking some bitch would make Luke feel
queasy too.  But do you hear him complaining?  No.  He's respecting your
right to do what you want with your body, and you should respect his right to
do what he wants with his.
       "No one's asking you to do it too.  I'm sure he's not planning on
putting the moves on you.  You're probably not even his type.  And I'm also
sure he would have enough respect for all of us not to start blowing someone
in front of us, just like you wouldn't start muff diving in front of us
either.  So, just chill out, let him be him, and accept him for the great guy
he is."
       With that, he went back to his meal, obviously considering the matter
closed.
       My eyes were starting to water.  No one had ever said such things
about me before.  I never thought I'd ever hear a straight guy defending my
right to be gay.  I'd have to thank him later.

       Josh sat there, brooding in silence for a few minutes.  Then he looked
up at Matt with a defiant look.
       "Why did you say that I'm not his type? Just what the fuck's wrong
with me?" he asks.

       Jude, who had been taking a sip of water, suddenly starts choking,
water flying out of his mouth and nose.  Ryan, who was sitting next to him,
starts to slap him forcefully on his back.  Matt's fork slipped form his
fingers as he covered his mouth with his napkin, his shoulders shaking in
silent laughter.  I sat there, open-mouthed, staring at Josh.  Josh glared
around the table.
       "Well?  What?  What's wrong with me that I'm not his type?  I thought
I looked pretty damned good."

       Matt gained controls of his laughter long enough to answer him.
       "Sorry, Josh.  You need to ask Luke that question."

       Josh looked across the table at me.
       "Well?  Am I your type or not?" he asked, looking rather indignant.

       "Um, well, you are handsome, and you've got a great body, but, um..."
I stalled, not quite sure how to finish.

       "Well?  Go on," Josh said, seriously.

       "Well, um, yeah, I guess you'd be my type," I said. "But you gotta
understand: I haven't really done anything beyond kissing, so I'm not
exactly sure what my `type' really is yet."

       Josh looked smugly at Matt.
       "See, I am his type.  He said I was handsome and had a great body.  So
there!" Josh said with triumphant glee.

       That made the others laugh all the more, and brought a deep crimson
flush to my face.  Josh, realizing how absurd the situation was, flushed
slightly himself and began laughing softly with the others.  He reached
across the table to me.  I placed my hand in his, shaking it in thanks.  He
smiled at me, and I nodded back.  We were okay.
       Dinner, being full of the eventful conversation that it was, ended
soon thereafter, and we filed out the door and turned down the path to Maple
Dorm and our orientation meeting.  Along the way, all five of us chatted
amicably, all worries and differences forgotten in our newfound friendships
with each other.  Josh walked with his arm over my shoulder, chatting a mile
a minute about his swim team in high school, and how awesome it was to be on
the team in his first year of college.  I laughed at his tales, and shared a
few of my own.  We had all begun our journey down the road to friendship.
       TBC