Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:49:54 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Growing up Joshua, Ch 10

This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs,
and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all
that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so
if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If youare too young or it
is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you
for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, - -ENJOY!

Cast of characters:

Joshua Alan Black II

Barbie Warfield -- my mother

Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather

Wilma Warfield -- Dennis's mother ("Missy" to me)

Francis Warfield -- Dennis's father -- ("Sir" to me.)

Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma)

Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa)

Richard -- My favorite Cousin

Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers.

Nate Willows -- My first roomie.

Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall.

Randy "Rascal" Ringstrom.  Tutor

Wayne "Bulge" Andrews -- Rudy's room mate

Roger Schwimmer -- a football player.

James Meriwether -- Mid-year Transfer

Jakub Ivanov -- college friend



>From Chapter 9:

When he was done, it was very late.  Jakub had twin beds in his room.  He
said the other bed had never been used.  "My mother worries because I never
bring anyone home."

"Why haven't you?"

"I have been afraid of how I would react with another boy in my room at
night.

"And -- how do you feel about it now?"  I asked.

"I like it.  I have always been afraid to make friends with another boy.
But I wasn't afraid of you -- once I decided you were gay.  Did you like
what I taught you tonight?"

"I have loved being here -- with you -- and hearing your theories about the
Bible.  I like them."

"I'm glad you like them.  I was hoping that maybe you might want to teach
me some things too."  He said, peering hungrily into my eyes.

My stomach twisted and I felt butterflies.  Something else further south
also made its presence known.

"What did you want me to teach you?"  I asked.


Chapter 10

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm not so good with English spelling."
Said Jakub

"N-no.  I think I know what you're talking about."  I answered.  I thought
about what Seth told me -- about getting some of my childhood back.  I
thought about what the General said about boys -- sometimes playing.  I
felt a familiar sinking feeling.

"You look -- um -- worried -- or something." He said.  "Look, we don't have
to - "

"I was abused when I was younger."  I almost blurted out.

"Oh!  Are you -- okay -- now?"

"I spent most of this past summer -- um -- asleep -- from depression."

"Asleep?"

"In a coma."

"Omigott!"  He exclaimed.

"Seth says it was how my subconscious mind sheltered me from -- from --
further pain."

"Seth?"

"My -- my shrink."

"You've talked to a psychologist?"

I didn't like where I had taken this.  "Well -- yeah.  I mean - "

"That's so AWESOME!"

"What I was -- um -- huh?"

"Omigott!  I'd love to talk to someone like that!  I have so many things
I'd like to ask him.  Where is he?"

"Seth?  He's in Vermont."

"Vermont?  You went to VERMONT?!"

"No -- he came here.  He's gone now."

"Oh -- you are so -- lucky!"  He said.

"I know.  I AM lucky."

"Do you like being -- gay?"  He asked.

Well -- that came off the wall!

"I -- can't remember being any other way.  But -- I -- it would be easier
-- to -- um -- not be -- I guess."

"I hate it!  I wish -- um -- how old were you -- when you were abused?  I
mean -- were you sexually abused?  Omigott!  That's none of my business!
I'm sorry!"

"No -- actually it's okay.  I've talked it all out with Seth and -- it's
almost -- um -- comforting -- or something -- to talk about it with you.
I'm not comfortable talking with anyone else.  I mean the general -- he'd
probably be okay talking about it, but - "

"The General?"

"Oh!  My dad."

"You call him the General?  Is he your step-father?"  I sighed.  "Oh Gott!
I am sorry!  I am such an idiot!  That's none of my business too.  I can
still take you home if you - "

"No -- it's fine.  He is my real dad -- my biological dad.  But neither of
us knew the other was alive -- until last year."  I quickly explained to
him about my mother and dad.  Then I started telling him how Dennis used
me.  As I was explaining it to him, his face became more and more animated.
I assumed he was just reacting to me -- and he was -- but at one point,
tears started to well up and roll down his cheeks.

I had lived through it -- and told it so many times now that it didn't
affect me that way.  I loved that he was so concerned and touched by my
story.  But then he suddenly started sobbing.  I didn't know what to say.

His mother appeared at the door -- in her nightgown.  They exchanged some
words.  She looked at me sorrowfully.  I wondered what it was he had told
her.  Then he said something that changed her expression to one of fear.
She said something and quickly excused herself.

Jakub sat looking at the floor.  "Jakub?  What just happened?"  I asked.

"As you were telling me about your step-father's abuse, it -- it -- it
brought back a memory I didn't know I had -- of my uncle -- who is now
dead.  He -- attacked me -- and forced himself on me -- when I was very
young.  My mother thought I could never remember it -- because I was so
young.  She - "

"Jakub!"  We both jumped as we looked at the bedroom door.  Jakub's father
was there.  He spoke in English. He looked at me kindly and said, "We must
take you home now.  I must discuss some things with my son."

"No!"  said Jakub.  "It is too late, Father.  He is to stay."

Mr. Ivanov looked at Jakub's clock.  "You are right.  Jakub, you come to
the library and let Yeshua sleep here."

"No -- Father -- it is important that Joshua be with me at this time.  He
has experienced some of what I have.  I need for him to be with me as we
talk."

"I cannot speak good enough English to discuss this thing so that he can
understand."

"He will get the meaning -- and I will tell him later.  I want him!"

Mr. Ivanov looked between us and nodded.  I wondered if he took any meaning
from his son's last statement.  I know it got me thinking.

We all went into a room -- obviously a bedroom that they made into a
library -- where there were enough chairs for all three of us.  I couldn't
get much out of their conversation except that Mr. Ivanov was super sweet
as he talked with his son.  I couldn't imagine that this man would throw
his boy out because he was gay.  I heard the name, Petrov, mentioned
several times.

When they were finished talking, Mr. Ivanov walked back with us to Jakub's
room.  He patted my back sadly, said good night and locked the door as he
left.

"Why did he do that?"  I asked.

"Do what?"  He said.

"Why did your father close and lock your door."

"It is not good for a woman -- even a mother -- to walk in to find her son
in an embarrassing state."  Then as if he anticipated my next question, "He
does not want my mother to see my good-morning wood -- is that what you
call it?"

"Close enough."  I chuckled.

"I told my father about knowing that his older brother abused me when I was
very young.  I can not still believe it myself.  I just suddenly remembered
it."

"How old were you?"  I asked.

"Between 3 and 6."

You can't remember any closer than that?"

"No -- I mean he did it many times -- between those ages."

"Wo!"  I said.  "My step-father started doing me when I was 8.
3-years-old?  Geez, Jakub!"

"I forgot about it, but as you were telling me about your stepfather, it
started to come back.  By the time I -- started to cry -- it ALL came back.
He died in prison from a venereal disease.  My father just told me why he
died.  But he was caught with his thing in me when I was 6 and they called
the police.  I thought it was my fault.  Uncle Petrov told me it was.  So I
never talked about it, and I guess I repressed it -- (is that the right
term?)"

"Yes -- that's it.  So you completely forgot it?"

"I -- guess."

"Your Dad -- he seems so nice - "

"He IS nice.  But -- I really wish he'd sometimes -- hold me -- or -- um --
hug me -- or something.  I liked it when My Uncle Petrov -- held me.
Father never did.  So when he started to -- play with me, I liked that too.
I somehow knew it was wrong.  But I liked it.  That's why I never told
anyone -- except one day the police came -- and he was gone."

"What a pervert!"  I said.  "How -- how was it even possible for him to --
um -- well, I mean -- what did he do to you?  I mean if you are okay to --
um -- talk about it."

"It is strange.  I never talked about it to anyone before.  Not even my
father and mother.  But somehow I am comfortable telling you..  After he
was gone, my father stopped holding me."  He said with a faraway look in
his eyes.

"I thought you said your father never held you."

"He -- huh?  He didn't -- oh!  Omigott!  I -- I - " Jakub started to weep
again, this time more quietly.

"What is it, Jakub.  What's wrong?"

He said, "Will you please -- PLEASE -- just hold me for a minute."

"Of course."

I held him.  His body was stiff as a board, but then he started to sob
quietly.  His whole body shook.  We were sitting on his bed. And holding
him in that position was uncomfortable for both of us.  I lay down -- fully
clothed and pulled him down next to me.  We held each other for a few
minutes and then he got up and turned off the light.

He came back and I held him -- well -- we held each other -- until we went
to sleep.  There was nothing sexual about what we were doing.  He needed to
be held and -- apparently -- so did I.

I woke up sometime later, my jeans were open and my boner was raging.  I
had him pulled up close to the front of me -- spooning him -- and my hand
was down his open pants, massaging his much smaller uncut staff.

I froze as soon as I realized what I was doing to him.  He had trusted me
and here I was handling and fondling him.  I slowly removed my hand from
under his briefs, and started to move away.

"Don't go -- please.  I -- like what you were doing."

"I'm not even sure what I was doing, Jakub."

"You were just squeezing it.  It felt good to have you do that."

I put my hand back and slid his briefs down.  His prefect little uncut tool
popped out, and I began again to massage it.  He covered my hand with his
and began a stroking motion.  He let go and I stopped.  I brought my hand
up under his tight shirt and teased both of his nipples.  He moaned.  "Turn
around, Yock."  I said.

He turned toward me and I kissed him gently on the lips.  He pushed me over
onto my back and climbed on top of me and kissed me deeply.  Then he
relaxed on top of me and said, "This must be what heaven feels like.  His
small body felt so warm and though neither of us had much fat on us,
everything seemed to fit into place -- it was like his body was tailor-made
to fit into all the curves of my body.

He removed all his clothes and then asked me to do the same.  "House
rules."  He giggled.

He then climbed back on top of me and his body seemed to just become part
of me.  We fell asleep again, and didn't wake up until we heard his father
walking down the hall.  He panicked, but I silently shushed him and quickly
sprang over to the untouched guest bed and tore the covers off and got in
between the sheets.  It was cold in comparison.  His father knocked.  Jakub
said, "Come in."

Mr. Ivanov said something in Russian and then he was gone.

"What did he say?"  I asked.

"He said no matter.  He is taking my mother to see the doctor for a
checkup.  He told me that I should fix you something to eat."

We heard a door close, then a car start, and leave the driveway.  He was on
me in a nano-second!

"I want to suck you and for you to bone me!"  He said.  He pulled back my
sheet and cover and gawked.  "OmiGOTT, Josh!  It's so -- um -- BIG -- like
that!"

"And I think we should wait for awhile before doing those things you were
talking about."  I said.  I don't think you are really ready -- and I'm not
sure if I am -- yet -- with you.  I'm still getting over my bro -- erm --
my last -- um -- guy.  And you -- you are probably too -- um -- vulnerable
-- right now."

"But --For now, maybe you can just hold me like you were last night ... ?"
I said.

He was clearly disappointed, but he said okay.  "I'm sorry, Josh.  It's
hard for me to think of you as only 15."

"It's okay.  A lot of people have that trouble, Jakub."

He again climbed on top of me -- as he was when we went to sleep.  He put
his cheek on my chest and said -- you can call me Yock -- of you want --
like last night."

"Yock it is."  I quipped.

Yock took a deep breath and sighed long.  Before we knew it, we were both
asleep again.  I don't know how long we slept, because I don't know what
time Yock's father woke us the first time.  When we woke up, our boners
were pressed into each other's pelvises.  He climbed higher on me and tried
to kiss me.  Both of us almost choked and then laughed.  "Too much garlic
last night!"  He said.

We got up and it was still just barely getting light, so I assume we didn't
sleep very long.  He went and opened the door and walked down the hall to
the bathroom.  I started to follow, then stopped.  "Do you know when your
parents will be coming home, Yock?"

"They'll be gone all day.  My mother has to see a specialist in Cincinnati.
That's about 3 hours -- one way."  He started to brush his teeth.

"I forgot to bring a tooth brush."  I said.

"You can use mine."  He said.

"Ew!  Are you sure?"

"Haha!  My tongue was in your mouth last night.  Are you gonna worry about
my tooth brush?"

When he was finished, he handed me his tooth brush.  I felt odd using
someone else's, even though his logic made sense.  I got over it quickly as
his Pepsodent refreshed my mouth.  As soon as I handed it back, he stood on
his tip toes and said, "Now I can kiss you good morning!"

I again felt somewhat intimidated, because of my father's and Seth's
counsel, but what bad could come from a little kiss?

It wasn't a little kiss. He kissed awkwardly, but there seemed to be
electricity flowing between us as soon as out lips touched.  We didn't
think much of standing naked in the bathroom ... we had done that many
times in the college locker room.  But when his lips touched mine -- and I
felt the warmth of his slight body touching mine, and smelled his over
night body odors, something flipped inside me and I pulled him closer and
we kissed passionately and long; long enough for our parts to respond and
come to complete attention.

We were both breathing pretty hard at the end of the kiss and he said, "Oh
Josh!  How can I love you so much -- so soon?!  I just want you all to
myself forever!"

I smiled -- the smile of experience -- maybe even a sad cynical smile.  I
thought about what Seth said about growing up too fast.  I felt -- for that
moment -- fifteen years older than Yock.

"Yock -- please don't think that I am rejecting you -- but -- I have had
experience -- too much experience -- and you're just going to have to trust
me.  Do you trust me?"

He looked at me adoringly.  "Uh-huh."  He said.

"Yock -- the feelings you are now feeling -- are only your hormones talking
to you."

"NOOoo!  I DO love you!"  He said.

"Let's shower -- together.  I don't mind doing that -- and maybe a little
other stuff -- but for now, let's go slow -- okay?"

"Uh -- okay."  He said, sounding about 11-years-old.  He knew I was right
about it, but his feelings wanted to override his good sense.  I knew the
feeling well -- I think I felt it yesterday.  Sometimes being a teenager is
soooo hard!  Sometimes being an overly mature teenager is even harder.  I
kind of understood what I was going through -- but I still felt it as if I
didn't!

Yock had no idea what to do in the shower.  There was no wash cloth, so I
washed him -- all of him - with my hands -- as my cousin Richard had taught
me so many years before.  I thought about Richard.  I had not thought of
him for a long time.  I knew he was in an Ivy League school further east,
but I was not even sure which one.  My eyes closed as, standing behind him,
my slippery, soapy hands were gliding over Yocks smooth chest.  It was like
Richard was there with me.  My eyes popped open.  I felt like crying
momentarily.

"OOOOO!  That feels great!"  Said Yock.  I pulled him closer and hugged
him.  He hugged my arms.  He easily turned in my arms -- because of the
soap between us -- and kissed me again.  Again I closed my eyes and was
transported elsewhere.  Richards smirky smile was mocking me!  I again
popped open my eyes and Yock turned around again.

"Continue where you left off!"  He laughed.  I washed his tummy.  He was
ticklish and giggled all the while I was washing his tummy down to his
pubes.  When I grabbed his stiff little pole, his giggling stopped and
there was a sharp intake of breath, then a moan and he sighed long as I
stroked up his balls and inner thighs.

Then I squatted and washed his legs, his little boner bouncing in my face.
I wanted so much to suck it in and give him what he craved but something
stopped me.  I raised back up and handed him the soap.  He looked at me
questioningly.  "My turn!"  I said, laughing

He did as I had done.  When I didn't turn in his arms, he walked around me
and kissed me.  "Man, I like kissing you!"  He said.

Then he walked back and completed the wash job, kneeling to do my legs.  Of
course as small as he was, and kneeling -- his face only came up to my
knees, so he didn't have the same temptation I did.  Well -- actually -- he
WAS eyeing it a lot.  There was a dollop of soap suds that just hung and
bounced on the tip the whole time he washed my legs.

We rinsed off and he kissed me again, moaning loudly as out wet bodies
caressed each other.  I tuned off the water and stepped out and grabbed a
towel.  I dried him first.  He loved the attention.  Then he dried me, but
I was mostly air dried by the time he got to me.

We went back to the bedroom and Yock said, "What else do you want to do?"

"I think that's about all we ought to do -- now -- Yock."

"But -- please -- I gotta -- um - "

I thought quickly.  I knew that the General expected that we would have
sex.  He wanted me to do it safely.  I wondered id Seth would approve of
what I had already decided to do.  I turned him around and started to
stroke him slowly.  He moaned loudly.

"Oh GoTT!  No one ever did that before!"  He said.

"Oh!  And how many guys have you showered with like that -- before?"

"Oh -- well -- none, but oh!  OH!!  Yeah -- Oh!  Go faster -- please!"

I held him tight with my left hand and raced him to his completion with my
left.  He grunted and panted -- and whimpered -- as his jizz came spurting
out.  I caught most of it in my other hand, but some hit the hardwood
floor.  When he was finished, he sat down hard on the bed, still panting
hard.

It didn't occur to him to do me.  I chuckled to myself.  He watched as I
brought my cum filled hand to my nose and smelled it.  Then I licked a
little of it, and he said, "EW!"  and laughed.  Then I swiped most of the
cum to the other hand and quickly got myself off using his slick juice as
my lube.  It was frothy and slick, as my own juice joined it and I too fell
on to the bed.  I again sniffed my hand -- smelling all the sex that both
of us created, and then I lapped up a bit from my hand. I offered it to him
but he wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

I looked at Yock and smiled.  He was breathing normally by that time, but I
was still hyperventilating.  You liked that?"  I said, after my breathing
slowed done a little.

"Oh yeeeaaahhh!"

"And -- do you still love me?"  I said, cagily.

"What?  Oh!  Yeah -- I guess -- sure!"  I laughed and he said, "WHAT?
What's funny?"  He was smiling, himself, but didn't know why.

"When you were all horny in the shower -- you wanted to spend the rest of
your life with me -- you loved me so much!"

"But I -- I DO -- I mean -- um -- do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"No."  His face fell.  He looked very hurt.  "Yock -- we've known each
other less than a week.  I've had maybe too much experience, but this was
sort of like -- our first date -- you know?"

"Yeah?"  He still looked like a whipped 11-year-old.

"Yock -- I'm not saying that what you asked is out of the question or --
impossible -- but let's take things a little slower.  Okay?"  He nodded,
but still didn't look convinced.  "Yock -- I REALLY like you.  I want to
date you more.  And I DON'T have anyone else I even WANT to date right now.
But let's not commit to each other this soon -- okay?'

He looked at me like I was a space alien or something.  I know the look.
I've seen it before.  It's the look I have gotten from too many guys my age
when I seem to be making too much sense -- like I am the adult and they are
the kid.  Actually I hated it -- and at the moment I kind of hated myself
-- and wanted to just DO without worrying about the consequences.

But I couldn't.

DAMN FUCKING Dennis!

Yock made breakfast and then we hopped in his Ferrari and he drove to the
lake (Lake Michigan) and we walked in silence for a long time.  It was
already getting cold, and we dressed not very warmly, so at least I was
getting cold, and he was skinnier and smaller than I was, so I knew he had
to be colder.  Finally I stopped and said, "I'm getting cold."

"Thanks."

"Huh?"  I said.

"Thanks for stopping -- back at my house.  I remember what I said last
earlier -- about love -- and stuff.  You were right.  I have decided."

"Decided - - what?"  I asked.

"I want to -- um -- save myself -- for the right guy."

"Oh -- kay."  I said. now wondering where this was going.

"I mean -- it's -- um -- okay!  Our priest told us just before the semester
started - "

"Priest?"

"Yes -- our priest.  I am Orthodox Christian.  And he told us that we
should save ourselves for the right one.  Of course he wasn't talking about
me saving myself for the right guy.  But anyway -- he said we should make
ourself a promise -- BEFORE we do anything -- or get into a -- what did he
call it -- a prom-izing position - "

"A compromising position?"  I said.

"That's it!  Anyway -- he said if we promise ourselves BEFORE we get -- you
know -- excited -- that the decision is already made and we didn't have to
make it while we were all horny and stuff.  It all makes sense now. What we
did this morning?  That was - "

"Did I go too far?"  I asked.

"No -- I was going to say -- that maybe is where we should stop.  I really
do want to save myself for the right guy."

"I see."  I said.

"That could be you."

"It could."  I said.

"What I'm saying is that -- you were right!"

I think I hate being right!



I "dated" Yock almost until Thanksgiving.  I didn't have anyone else, and
was wondering if maybe he WAS the one for me.  I wondered if he felt the
same.  I missed doing -- the things I was experienced at doing -- but we
kissed and cuddled -- a lot -- and we did do a lot of mutual masturbation,
and wanked each other.  We took one other shower together-- again while his
parents were gone and I stayed over.  But that was the extent of it.

I was beginning to think that Yock's priest was wise.  I was starting to
really like him.  I was afraid to even think of the word love.  I still
equated that word with eventual hurt.  He hadn't said it to me again.  A
week before Thanksgiving I had a lot of studying to do -- a group project
in my marketing class took a lot of my time.  I REALLY missed my usual time
with Yock.

I had planned to spend that weekend -- before the Thanksgiving weekend --
with Yock and his parents.  He convinced me to go to church with him.
Thursday when we showered together in the college locker room, we were left
alone again. This was a rare occasion.  We wouldn't dare do anything in
that shower.  But I had planned to tell him that I was falling in love with
him that weekend.

"Um -- Josh -- um -- about this weekend - " he said as we stood drying
ourselves.  His look made my heart sink.

"Yes?"

"I -- um -- think -- I've found him."

"Um -- `him'?"

"The right guy."

My heart suddenly took flight.  "Me too!  I was gonna tell you tomorrow
night!"  I said.

"He's from my college group at church."

"What?"  I said.  It felt like a cold hand wrapped around my heart and was
strangling it.  I felt my eyes flutter.

"When you feel that feeling -- go run laps or do something quick to counter
it."  I heard Seth's voice as an echo in the back of my mind.

I snapped out of it.  "Oh -- okay -- bye!"  I said.  He looked at me like I
was crazy as I put gym shorts back on and ran out of the locker room.

It was cold outside.  I had no shirt on.  I ran to the lap course around
the football field.  I ran as fast as I could.  Exhausted after 15 minutes
of sprinting, I ran back to the locker room, showered off and grabbed a bus
home.  I went directly to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed -- crying.



"Josh -- Josh!"  I heard, as if an echo.  I opened my eyes.  The General
was hovering over me.  "Boy -- you were really out that time!"  He said.

"How -- how long was I out this time?" I said, immediately disappointed.  I
wondered about my group project and who filled in for me.  I wondered if I
had completely missed Thanksgiving.  Nate would have been there -- with
Cary -- his new beau.

"Oh -- I dunno -- I just got home.  I just came in to wake you for dinner."

"Wait -- wait-a-minute!"  I said.  "What -- what day is it?"

"It's Thursday."

"Thursday like as -- I mean -- I didn't miss Thanksgiving?"

"You didn't miss anything.  Oh -- you thought -- no -- you didn't go down
again, Josh.  You were just napping -- I thought -- after school.  rough
day?"

"Yeah -- sort of."

"Well, anyway -- dinner's ready."

"I'll be right there.  Is James here?"  I asked.

"Yes -- he'll be at the table too.  You're going to Yock's this weekend
again, right?  I'd like you to be here for Thanksgiving next weekend.  You
brother will be home, you know -- and Cary."

"I'll be here.  I won't be going to Yock's this weekend."  I said, sadly.
"Or ever."

"Oh -- you broke up?  Sorry, Son.  He seemed like a nice kid.  I know you
really liked him."

Or - Loved him

Notes: Thanks for all your letters.  I love hearing from you.  Address any
correspondence to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com.  Thanks and
... Love, Steve