Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:25:40 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Growing up Joshua - Ch. 5

Growing up Joshua This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's
feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it
mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at
timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If
youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this
kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, -
-ENJOY!  Cast of characters: Joshua Alan Black II

Barbie Warfield -- my mother

Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather

Wilma Warfield -- Dennis's mother ("Missy" to me)

Francis Warfield -- Dennis's father -- ("Sir" to me.)

Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma)

Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa)

Richard -- My favorite Cousin

Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers.

Nate Willows -- My first roomie.

Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall.

Randy "Rascal" Ringstrom.  Tutor

Wayne "Bulge" Andrews -- Rudy's room mate

Roger Schwimmer -- a football player.


>From Chapter 4:

"Yeah, that way he could sleep in my bed - - or wait a minute --there are
already two empty beds in our cell!  I wonder - Why would you want your
favorite brother gone?"

"That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself."

"Okay, I'll tell Roger yes."

"That's my brother!"  Said my brother.  "And I want a full report on what
happens at Roger's!"

"Yeah -- right after your full report of what you and Ryan did!"

"We can skip over some of the boring parts."  Said Nate.

"Yeah -- okay!  Oh -- and did I tell you?  He patted my ass when we left
each other."

"Now that's one thing I KNOW the footballers do!"  Said Nate.

"Uh huh!  And do they squeeze a little and then let go?"

"Um -- never been a footballer -- I can't say."  He said.  "But I'd say
your chances of a fun weekend just got exponentially better -- at least in
my head!"

Chapter 5

I woke up to moaning.  About the time I noticed I was doing it, my brother
was at my side, kneeling by my bed.  "What's wrong, Josh?"

"Bad dream, I guess."

"Dennis again?"

"Yeah.  Will they ever stop?"  I said.

"I dunno."  Said my sweet brother.  "If I ever see that fucker, I'll - "

"What's screwed up is -- when we have our sleeping pill," (our "sleeping
pill" is what we called out nightly wank -- in the dark -- together) I
often think about him -- fucking me."

"Why?!!  Why would you do that?  Think about Roger!"

"I've tried that -- but it always goes back to being under Dennis -- and
him telling me that he loves me.  I miss that so much!"  I said.

It was dark and he couldn't see my tears, but he could hear it in my voice.
"Oh, Baby brother!  I wish I could do something to -- to help.  Is there
anything -- I can -- do?"

"N -- no."  It came out more like a question.

"What is it, Babe?  What do you want?"

"I can't ask you to do anything -- I mean -- you and Ryan -- it wouldn't be
right.  I don't -- I mean I try not to even think about -- um -- you know
-- with you.  I know that you are in love with Ryan."

"Move over, big Josh!"  I turned over and he climbed under the covers with
me and spooned me.  Just his warm soft body next to mine made me feel 100
percent better.  He sighed and said, "Josh, I -- I have not -- I mean --
I've tried not to think in those terms."

"Huh?"  I said, forgetting what I had just said.

"I'm a little -- erm -- I mean -- it's scary to think in the terms of being
-- in love -- with Ryan.  He's only 16.  Hell, I'M only 17!  `In love'
sounds so permanent.  I like him -- a lot -- and all, but - "

"Is it okay with you, Nate -- if I sometimes fantasize about you -- I mean
-- about us?"

"It'd be kinda hard for me to tell you -- or anyone -- what they can't
fantasize about. If it makes you feel better -- I've thought about you many
times when I was wanking -- and sometimes when I`m not!"

"You -- you -- have?  And -- it -- doesn't make you feel -- guilty?"

"Maybe a little.  Not because of Ryan.  He knows I love you.  He has asked
if we do anything.  And he doesn't seem to care if we do.  He says he and
his brother sometimes -- play together -- before they go to sleep.
Sometimes in the middle of the night.

"I told him that it makes me feel funny -- to think about him and his
brother together."

I pulled his arm -- and then his body -- closer.  "What -- I mean -- yeah
-- um -- did he tell you what they do?"

"Um -- yeah -- um -- well -- pretty much everything.  His brother is 10
months older than he is and -- they learned everything -- together."

"Oh.  Well -- if they do that -- why don't they -- I mean -- why do they --
see -- other guys?"

"They don't do it as a love thing.  Ryan says they only do it to get off."

"And you don't mind?"  I asked.  "What if -- I mean -- I just can't imagine
doing -- well -- everything -- with a guy and not -- wanting him to be all
mine."

"Oh!  Well, Ryan says he at first wanted that.  But -- his brother isn't
gay."

"Huh?!!"

"No -- they just -- do stuff -- and they both say that it doesn`t mean
anything."

"You've talked to his brother about it?"  I asked.

"No.  But Ryan told me what his brother said."

"That's so interesting.  They do stuff and SAY it doesn't mean anything --
and Dennis fucks me -- or used to -- and tells me he loves me.  These
things are too confusing!  But -- they probably grew up doing things and --
so -- it just happened naturally.  But you and I -- we -- didn't grow up
that way .  so -- what I feel for you is -- a lot different than -- what
they feel -- I guess."

Nate pulled me closer again and I couldn't miss the thrust while he did it.
Of course talking about such things -- we were both woodied up.  He grabbed
mine and said, "I'm seventeen and you're -- well -- close to fifteen.
There is s lot of difference in our ages, Bro -- compared to them.  I think
about you -- like I said -- all the time.  But I am afraid that it will
hurt you if I let anything happen -- and you think it's more than it is."

"You might be right, because right now -- there isn't anyone I love more
than you, Nate -- No One!"  I unconsciously wiggled back into his hardness
as I said that.

"What do you want -- I mean -- if we were to do anything -- how would it
look to you?"

"What do Ryan and his brother do?"  I asked again.

"He says they've pretty much tried everything -- from hand jobs -- to
sucking -- to fucking -- to rimming -- even fisting."

"Oh!  And -- do you do those things with Ryan?"

"No way!  I sucked him once.  But other than that, - kissing and well,
mutual and cross masturbation stuff -- you know."

"I guess I do.  But it's been so long since I did anything -- with Richard
-- I think I've forgotten."

"You said you and Richard were close.  Do you ever think of him -- when you
get off?"

"I used to, but it's hard to remember now.  Dennis always invades my
fantasy."

We lay there for about 10 minutes, just him holding me.  Finally he said,
"What -- what -- do you want me to do, Bro?"

I didn't answer for a long time.  "Are you awake, Josh?"

"Yeah."

"Oh.  Well, you didn't answer my question."

"I'm -- afraid to." I said.

He again pulled me closer and I felt his loving thrust on my bum.  "What're
we talking about here?"

"I can't ask you to -- do -- that."

"Oh."  He said with a finality that made it clear he knew what I was
talking about.  After another long silence, "You still awake?"

"Yes."  I said.

"Baby brother -- I've never done it."

"Done what?"  I said, afraid to say it -- almost afraid to think it!

"You want me to -- fuck -- I mean -- no -- I could never call it that with
you.  Do you want me to -- um -- do what -- um -- DAMN, this is hard."  He
took several gulping sighs, then said, almost sobbing, "Josh, do you want
me in you?"

Again I lay silent.  I didn't know how to answer yes without sounding too
-- too -- needy -- or something.

"Huh?  Josh?  You gotta tell me -- if that's what you want.  I don't even
know how to get it started."

"I guess that's the problem, Nate.  Dennis always was the one to start it.
So was Richard.  I know how you feel and -- I'm afraid to tell you - " I
stopped again.

Without further questions, Nate started to kiss the back of my neck.  At
the same time, he was humping and thrusting himself against my bum and also
slowly jacking the length of my throbbing wood.  We were both silently
crying.  I turned around.  "Nate said, I gotta know, Bro.  I know why I am
crying -- why are YOU crying?"

I felt so immature and stupid!  I didn't know how to answer his question.
I wanted to say, "BECAUSE!"  But I knew that was not enough - - any more.
"May -- um -- maybe -- maybe since you know why you are -- cr -- crying --
you can tell me first."  I managed to say.

"I'm crying because I am so overwhelmed with the whole situation.  I want
you so much, yet I feel somehow like it's wrong.  I love you so much that I
can feel it in every part of my body.  Baby brother -- is this okay?  Is
what we are talking about -- going to hurt you?  I don't want to hurt you
-- more than anything, I don't want that.  But maybe even more than that, I
want to please you.  I love you so much -- especially now that I know you
are my little brother, and - "

"That's how I feel!"  I said.  "I'm not your big brother, but -- I AM more
experienced -- at least at this.  I want you in me so bad -- I can't
explain it -- it's like my arms, my legs -- all of me is hungry for your --
your -- love - - on me -- all around me - - IN me!  Can you even understand
that -- that -- feeling?"

He said one word, "Yes."  And he kissed me passionately -- then said,
"Joshey, you're gonna have to tell me what to do.  This is all new to me."

"Tell you how -- mmm -- tell you how?"  I mused.

"Joshey, why don't you -- um -- do me first, and then I'll know more what
to do."

I relaxed in his arms a bit.  "Are you sure, Nate?  I mean -- I don't want
to hurt you!"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"And by the way -- no one said you could call me `Joshey'!"  He gave a
concerned look.  I continued, "Please don't stop!  That feels soooo good!"

I then started to kiss him again.  We both stroked each other's hardness.
His wasn't so long as mine, but it may have been thicker.  But it wasn't as
thick as Dennis.  I kissed and sucked my way down past his tits and tummy
and when I got to his warm, throbbing wood, I kissed and stroked it for
awhile, which made him squirm and giggle.

It was then I realized that he was actually going to do me first.  I got
him all ready -- kissing sucking -- deep throating him a little but he
didn't really get that excited about that, so I mostly teased and sucked,
and tongued and bobbed until he was begging me to finish him off.

Even at fourteen, I knew from experience that once he got off, he would
lose interest and then, he would feel bad and guilty and all that --
because I didn't get off too.  But I made the conscious decision to get him
in me first.  He'd KNOW how much I liked it!  I'd show him!

I took him to the edge several times and he was a mess.  Finally, I lubed
him up and also put some in my, and then I got on my back, and said, "Put
it in me, Nate!"

"But -- but - " He started to protest.

"Just do it!  This is MY Party just now, and -- this is the way I want it!"

"How do I - "

"Get on top of me."

He climbed on top.  I swung my legs over his shoulders.  He looked at me
for more instructions.

"Just put it in me."

"Won't that hurt?  Don't I need to -- um -- somehow -- get you ready?"

"I'm used to it.  I know what to do.  Just do it."

He gingerly stuck the head against my anal sphincter and pushed only
slightly.  I instinctively brought my legs down to his butt and pulled him
in.  He watched my face with so much loving concern.  I pushed out at the
same time, which opened up and let him in.  Then I pulled him all the way
in.

"Jeez!  That was easy!"  he laughed.

"Yeah.  Now go for it, Big Brother!"

He started slow, but I told him to go fast.  He followed orders and before
long, he was getting a panicky look, saying, "I'm gonna -- I'm gonna - "

"Let it go, Bro!  Let it go!"  I urged.

He then closed his eyes and let it go.  He laughed and cried and hugged and
kissed and hugged some more with each thrusting volley he sprayed deep into
me.  When he was done, he collapsed on top of me -- as I knew he would.

He lay there for several minutes, gasping for air, and telling me how much
he loved me and that he would love me forever and that he could never love
anyone as much as he loved me.

Of course I had heard all that before.

When his heart and lungs calmed down considerably, he came to his senses.
He looked at me and tears filled his eyes.

"And now, I've done it to you -- as all the others did!  And you just lay
there and let me!  Oh, my sweet baby brother, can you ever forgive me?"  He
rolled off me and to my side and cried like a baby.  I actually consoled
him!

"No, Nate.  You're wrong.  Not all the others.  Only Dennis `did it to me'
as you are describing.  Richard loved me -- I know it!  And I love him.  He
said all the same things that Dennis said -- about loving me -- and all --
when he was hot and horny.  But - "

"Omigod!  I did the same thing!  Oh, Josh!"

"Call me `Joshey', please?"  I said.

"Did you -- did you -- think of Dennis -- when I was -- I mean -- was it
like he was fucking you all over again -- Joshey?  I am so sorry!"

"Nate -- I know that you meant those things -- when you said them.  So did
Dennis!  But the difference is - "

"The difference is" he said, "I still mean them!"

Tears filled my eyes this time.  "You're still feeling the effects of -- of
-- it -- Nate.  And I know that you love me.  You have shown me that --
before we made love.  But when you are actually doing it, something else
takes over and you feel it much more.  I know -- I've felt it too -- with
Richard.  But what I know is -- I still loved him -- and still DO love him.
I have no such feelings for Dennis."

"And - - Joshey -- how about -- for -- me?"

I hugged him close.  "I love you, big brother.  And I realized something."

"What?"  He asked.

"You're right.  This probably isn't right. It felt right a few minutes ago,
but now -- I don't think that -- that -- we can -- do this -- forever."

Nate turned his back on me ad said, "I KNEW we shouldn't have done it!  I
shouldn't have - "

"You're WRONG, Nate!"  I said, and I snuggled up close again.  I never said
we shouldn't have done it."

"I did!"  He said.

"I know -- and you're wrong!  I may be only fourteen, but I know you're
wrong!  We had to find out."

"But -- but - " He said and almost violently turned on me, facing me nose
to nose.  "It's not fair!  You get screwed again -- literally!  And now
we're deciding we can't do it again and you didn't even get your turn.
That blows!"

"In the first place, that was my decision -- I mean to do it that way.  If
you will remember -- I TOLD you in the beginning -- that I wanted you in
me!  And besides that -- why do you say we can't ever do it again?  If
that's the case, it's not MY decision -- but only yours!"

"But you said -- we -- we can't -" he started.

"I didn't ever say we can't do -- anything. What I said was -- this
probably isn't right.  It probably won't work out.  But I never said we
can't do it again -- sometime -- and -- as a matter of fact -- you're right
-- it ISN'T Fair.  I get to do YOU sometime -- too!"

Nate looked at me, peering into one eye, then the other.  "You mean --
after that -- you still want to -- to - "

"I still love you, Bro.  I always will."

He grabbed me and pulled me close, both of us again feeling the other's
manhood -- him feeling my very hard one and me feeling his soft, mushy,
one, still oozing jizz.

"Omigosh!  You want to do me now!  Okay -- I'm ready -- right now!"  He
said.

"No -- your NOT ready!"  I disagreed.  "I just want you to hold me now."

"If that's what you want - " he said and again he pulled me close.  I
turned around and spooned into him.  His arm came over my side and he felt
my still hardness.  He squeezed it and I felt a bead of stuff ooze out into
the inside of my foreskin.

He squeezed it again and then started to slowly jerk me off.  It didn't
take much before I was spewing my cream all over his sheets.  "There -- was
that good?"  he said.

"Of course it was good."  I said, grinning.  "But don't think that relieves
you of letting me fuck your brains out another time!"

He laughed nervously, then stopped suddenly.  "What about Roger?"

"What about him?"

"What are you gonna tell him?"

"Tell him?  About what?"  I asked.

"About us?"

"Well -- um -- can I tell him -- sometime -- that we're brothers?"

"Probably shouldn't -- unless - - "

"Unless?"

"Unless you and he -- I mean -- Dammit, Joshey -- I can't even say it.  I
am already feeling jealous!"  An electric bolt sped through me when e said
that.  "Unless you and he become -- um -- really close -- for some reason."

"Well, that's not gonna happen this weekend."  I said.

"It's not?  I mean -- of course it's not."  He laughed nervously.  "We're
not even sure if he's gay!  Of COURSE your not gonna fuck him this
weekend."

"Wo -- wo -- wo -- WO!"  I exclaimed.  "I never said that!  I just said
we're not gonna get THAT close -- this weekend. We might screw the lights
out of each other.  But I promise you that we won't get THAT close -- this
weekend!"  I said laughing.

"Then I definitely want a full report!"

We laughed and laughed -- maybe a little too much.  Then Nate said, "I
don't want you to get hurt, Joshey.  Be careful.  Let him make the first
move."

"Huh?"

"I don't know him very well.  Footballers can be -- violent -- sometimes."

"Um -- I'm pretty good at taking care of myself."

"Yeah, that's right.  Sometimes I forget you're so young and -- sometimes I
forget -- your so -- talented.  I can't believe you!  A brain AND effing
buff and strong!  I feel like I want to protect you and the reality is --
you may someday protect me!"

We kissed and went to sleep, spooning.  As I fell asleep, I thought I was
holding Richard -- because we always spooned as we went to sleep - - after
- -



"So, how long have you known Willows?"  Said Roger.

"I never knew him before I was put in his cell at the beginning of the
semester."

Roger's home was a short ride from the Academy.  He was allowed a car, and
so he picked me up from my barrack and when we got to his house, he offered
me a beer.  I declined -- because as a team, the wrestling team made a vow
to not partake any alcohol.  I also declined to ask if the football team
did the same.  He threw me a bottled water from the fridge and led me to
the living room, where he sat on a love seat opposite a couch.  I chose to
sit next to him.

"That's about the most bizarre thing I've ever heard."  He said.

"What?"

"That you two should end up as brothers."

I gave him a blank stare.  "Wha -- at?"  I asked.  "Where did you hear
that?"

"It's all over school.  But I think that the coach was the one to start it.
You mean it's not true?  Why would the coach say something like that?"

 "It doesn't matter."  I said.

"But why would he even say that.  That's a stupid thing to - "

"The thing is -- everyone knows now, so -- the damage is done."

"Huh? Well -- is it true or not?" he asked.

"Sigh!  It's true.  But please don't tell anyone that you know for sure!
The General just thought it would be best if people didn't know he's my
dad."

"What?!!  The General's your dad?  I didn't -- oh!  Well -- oh!  Okay, if
Willows is your brother then -- well, duh!"

Since he already knew and -- I kind of added to that knowledge -- I told
him the whole story -- about how my mom became pregnant and that my real
father didn't know and all.

"That's heavy.  And your name is a total fabrication!  How weird is that?"

We talked about a lot of things but then he asked what kind of videos I
liked.

"I dunno -- what do you have?"

"Well, I figured we could go and get one from the video store.  And we can
pick up some burgers at In and Out on the way home."

"That'd be okay, I guess."  I said.

We were ready to walk out the door, when he said, "Hey - um -- have you
ever -- um -- seen any -- um -- porn?"

"I've been part of porn!"  I thought.

"No -- never did."  I said trying to act non-chalant.

"Neither have I but - I know where we can get some.  Wanna watch one?"

I wondered if he knew how old (or rather how young!) I was.  I decided not
to say anything -- yet.

"Sure."  I said.

He drove to one of his friend's houses and told me to wait in the car.  He
went in and came out with a bag with -- obviously -- more than one video.
After stopping and eating at the In and Out, we went back to his place.

He walked to the TV and I sat down -- on the couch opposite the love seat.
He came and sat next to me and grabbed the remote off the table.  He gave
me an almost apologetic and a little embarrassed look then shrugged his
shoulders and pushed the start button.

It was straight porn but seeing the guy naked and doing what he was doing
was still arousing.  Both of us started by pushing down on our growing
hard-ons.  We saw each other and laughed nervously.  By the time the video
was half over, we both were half-trying to hide raging boners.

Finally Roger said, "This is stupid.  We're obviously both friggin' horny
seeing that girl get fucked.  I'm just gonna let mine go free.  You can do
as you please!  It's not as if we never saw each other in the showers!"

"You never saw me this way!"  I said as I unzipped and let it spring out --
so that it pushed my boxers way up.  He was in the same condition.  He kept
my gaze and he reached down and slowly -- (was it tantalizingly?)  pulled
down his boxers, tossing them to his other side.  I did the same.

When he saw my covered wood, his eyes nearly popped out and he licked his
lips and said, "Geez!  You didn't tell me you had an anaconda in there!"

"Yeah, it sometimes seems that way."  I said.  "Especially when I don't
want it seen!"

He was unconsciously stroking his, and I think he forgot about the video,
as he gawked at my dick.  I forced my gaze from him to the TV.  The guy was
licking the girls vagina.  "Gross!"  I said, without thinking.

"Oh, I totally agree!"  He said, looking, and when I looked at him, he
looked like he wanted to vomit.

The girl was writhing and making both guttural and high pitched sounds.
"Disgusting!  He said.

We kept wanking and switched to watching each other.  We were both jacking
pretty slowly, and it was almost the end of the video.  And then it was the
end of the video.  He closed his eyes and went faster, and I saw him open
them periodically and look at what I was doing.  He jacked harder and
faster and then yelled, Omigod!  My parents couch!  I gotta go to the - "

He flew off the couch, but tripped over his shoes and caught himself.  He
landed right next to me, trying to strangle his dick.  I quickly bent down
and engulfed it into my mouth and pushed his hand away and bobbed him to
completion.

He just kept saying, during his entire orgasm, Omigod, omigod, omigod, and
making high pitched noises not unlike the girl in the video.

When he was done, he looked at me in amazement.  "You -- you -- shouldn't
have -- I mean -- didn't have to do that!  I haven't done that since I was
in 6th grade!  Why did you do that?"

"I didn't want your parents couch to get messed up."  I said, calmly.  "Was
it good for you?"  I said with a half smile.

"Was it good?  Geez!  How can you ask?  I guess there's no doubt about it
now -- you're gay then, aren't you?"

My mouth gaped open.  "Me?!"  I said.  "And -- you're not?"

"I -- never wanted to -- admit it -- or even think about it.  I was trying
to deny it -- to myself!  But -- Joshua - when I saw you that day at noon
mess-- and our eyes met - it's all I could think about.  I was about to go
insane, trying to tell myself it didn't really happen -- the feeling deep
in my tummy -- every time I remembered your eyes.  I dreamed about them and
- - you!  And then when you stayed after your team in the showers -- I just
fantasized it was for me - "

"Omigosh!  Was I that obvious?"  I said.

"No!  I mean -- well -- I wanted it to be true - - so much!"  He said then
sighed deeply.  "I still am so torn!  I -- really -- was blown away when
you -- um -- took yours out.  I instantly felt hungry!  But I never thought
-- I mean - " his eyes filled with tears.  "Please, I'm usually not like
this -- you know -- emotional and stuff -- but -- I just never expected --
I mean -- and then when I -- and then -- I mean when you -- um -- took me
in -- I mean - you know -- swallowed my dick -- then my jizz!"

"Was I moving too fast for you?  I'm sorry, I just saw that you were gonna
make a mess on your mom's silk couch.  It was the quickest thing I could
do.  I didn't really even think about it.  I just - "

"No -- no!  It's okay -- I mean -- omigosh -- it was so much BETTER than
okay!"  He gushed.  "But now -- now I fell -- um -- like -- I dunno --
dirty -- or something."  He saw my immediate expression.  "Oh no!  I'm not
calling YOU dirty.  It's just -- I -- I -- I've never done anything like
that -- well -- since I was 11, and -- before -- you know -- all this
grew!"  He indicated his pubic zone."

"So you are basically -- a virgin?"  I asked.

"Yes.  Well, I WAS!"

I understood that to mean I took it from him. "Should I go -- I mean do you
want to take me back to the barrack?"

He hesitated a moment and said, "NO!!  I mean -- no -- that won't be necess
-- I mean -- I don't want you to -- um -- go."

"Do you think we can still be friends?"

"Friends?  Oh shit!  How can I NOT be friends with the guy who -- who - "

"Um -- accidentally raped you?"  I said.

"Raped me?  Huh!?  Oh!  I guess it wasn't exactly with my consent, was it?"
He giggled.  "Hey!  I lost my virginity -- by accident!  Haha!  That's
rich!"

"Haha!"  I laughed.  "You're so cute when your not being hot!"  Then I
thought about what I'd said.  "No!  I mean -- you're even hotter naked than
-- I mean -- when you are with the other guys -- you are hella hot!  But I
don't think anyone knows how cute you can be -- well, except me -- now!"

"Yeah, and no one knows how gay I am, either!  And I didn't even know just
how gay I am -- until tonight."

"And I guess I'm to blame for that!"  I said.

"Blame?  I guess.  You have the distinction of being my first!"  He said,
then musing, "I wonder if a guy will always love his first?"

"What?  Love?  It's a little early for -- Oh!  That's another thing I have
to warn you about!  I've learned -- from experience -- fucking BAD
experience -- literally -- that you -- feel like you -- love -- the one who
fucks you."

"I don't even like to think that's -- I mean you didn't -- do that -- to
me, but - "

"No -- I mean -- when my body is -- um -- I mean -- um -- well, like --
when my step father -- who I hated -- used to fuck me, I loved him so much
while he was doing it -- and he said he loved me at that time too.  But
otherwise he treated me terrible.  And otherwise I hated him.  But when we
were -- doing -- that -- we both felt like -- we loved each other."

"I can see that, Joshua."

"My friends call me Josh."

"I definitely want to be your friend.  I can see that, Josh -- about the
love thing.  It's exactly how I felt when you -- did -- that -- to me.
Don't get me wrong, but -- I mean -- I still like you and think you are
cool and everything -- but -- that love feeling?  It's not so -- much --
now.  I'm glad you told me that.  I thought I was going crazy.  I guess
that's the advantage of being older.  I'm only 16 and you are -- what? 17
-- 18?"

"Um -- well -- if I was 18, um -- then what I did to you would definitely
be called rape and I could go to jail.  And if I was 17, then I'd be older
than you.  But I'm not that old."

"Wow!  You're only 16 too?  You look so much older!"

"Actually I'm - - 14."

"Now I know you're messin' with me!  I KNOW you're in Junior English!"

"Do you know Rascal Ringstrom?"

"Yeah?"

"He's a senior."  I said.

"Well -- yeah!  But he's -- a -- brain!"

"And -- I am the same age as he is."  I said.

"Oh -- oh -- my -- God!  I've just been sucked off -- by a 14-year-old
brain!"  He grinned -- that grin of disbelief.

"Most of the time I feel like I'm closer to 20 than 14.  But right now --
you're making me feel about 12!"  I said.  "Maybe you should take me back
to the barrack -- before you go and do something even MORE stupid -- with a
little kid!"

He was looking at space for a moment.  "Oh!  Yeah.  Maybe so."

Notes.  Boys can be so dynamic in their insecurity!  Hope you enjoyed!
Comments are welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com.  Thanks and --
Love, Steve