Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2001 04:14:14 EST From: Dakotajoe2000@cs.com Subject: Hanging By A Moment, first installment This story is copyrighted and the sole possession of the author. No duplication is permitted without the express written consent of the author. It will contain graphic discription of consensual male to male sex and may be offensive to some. If this is not something you wish to read, please look elsewhere. The first installment of this story is true so the names, with the exception of mine, have been changed to protect the innocent. Future installments are pure imagination on my part and cannont be held liable against me. Hanging By A Moment is the title of a song by Lifehouse and will be used at a later point in the story. Constructive email can be sent to Dakotajoe2000@cs.com Hanging By A Moment, Chapter One. Rain pounded on the window. Normally Nick would have noticed the anomaly, it being a north facing window and all, but he had his minds on other things. His mind was swirling with thoughts of a young man he was deeply in love with and his stomach swirling as well, with tastes of amaretto and a cheap sweet and sour mix. Several empty drug shells lay strewn about the floor; he'd been thankful the doctor had given him a month's supply of anti- depressants, mostly to avoid another trip in to the office. Some of my friends think I'm a mess. I really don't know about that. I seem like a pretty nice fellow, at least when I'm sober. I was introduced to my first taste of alcohol just after my 21st birthday and it's been a curse to me. A friend of mine gave me a wine cooler, said it was just like cool-aid. Yeah. Now I'm into 151 and Barocca, at least when I can afford it. Tonight isn't one of those nights. I've got some off brand of amaretto and my sweet and sour mix is well, *sighs*, cheap. It has a black label and simply states it's "sweet and sour". I need to think a little bit more clearly anyhow. I'm going to sit down and write and we can't be drunk while we're writing; it just isn't in the cards. Last summer my best friend and I made a special trip. We took thirteen days and two gas cards and set out on the adventure of our lives. We left our beloved Columbus behind and headed west. A turn in Dallas led us to the Grand Canyon. Las Vegas, the Sunset Strip and the pier at Santa Monica are all distant memories to me. One still haunts: Seattle. I fell in love with the town. Nightmares of traffic and cost of living aside, this was where I wanted to be. We had purchased a lottery ticket in California on our way, promising a jackpot of nearly 90 million dollars. We laughed lightly about the prospect. Home, and our jobs beckoned us to return. As we headed east the thought of a move seemed very plausible to me. The wheels in my mind slowly began to spin and my work was laid out neatly in front of me. I'm pretty sure that the first thing I did when I got home was check my e- mail. I always do that. Not far behind that was a cleverly worded ad announcing my imminent arrival as a resident of Seattle. I posted it in a prominent location and awaited my results. I didn't wait long. There were the usual replies that couldn't wait to jump my bones, some even providing a phone number. There were a couple that I ended up talking to for brief periods of time, but only one stayed with me. Jason told me that he was involved with someone at the moment, but he had a friend that lives in Columbus and that it would be cool if we could be friends. An internet friendship blossomed and we would spend an hour to two hours a night talking to each other on instant messenger functions of one kind or another. My birthday was fast approaching and he suggested a visit. I don't know how serious he was about it, but I was set. About a week before my departure I received an email from him. He had just broken up with his boyfriend. He didn't seem to be too upset, but maybe that was just me hoping a little bit. He had been possessive and things weren't working. I was invited to stay at his place while I did some apartment shopping. Yay! One of my co-workers who was especially close to me decided to go along. Chris is probably one of the few straight friends I've got that actually understands some of the pain I've gone through. We made our trip to Seattle in record time, mostly because I stayed low under the radar and flew. I was excited. We stopped just east of town in Issaquah and made the call....yes, dinner plans were still on and we'd be meeting some of his friends. We were there a little bit early so we had to wait. That wasn't a problem as it helped me release some of my jitters. He pulled up in his pickup and I nearly lost my breath. He was adorable and normal. I like normal. I know that may seem like an off statement, but he didn't have to wear the name brand clothing to look good. I do; and I've been told that I don't carry the same look without it. I got to meet some of his friends from town and they were cool enough. I also got to meet his boyfriend. Sometime in the 40 hours between our last conversation and now, they had gotten back together. I was heartbroken. I don't really know what kind of a chance I had with him anyway, but the repoire that we had going really meshed. I sat there in a stunned silence and poor Chris didn't really know what to say. He was clearly concerned for my well being and a little uncomfortable himself, being the only straight boy in the room. We left shortly after dinner with Jason watching me leave and his boyfriend's eyes practically driving me off. We stayed in Everett, nearly 45 minutes north of downtown. I slept on the floor that evening, fully clothed and not interested in pillows or a blanket. I drifted off to sleep with a deep sigh. Morning woke hard. I showered and made myself presentable although my desires were washed away with the grime on my body. Chris had to bring me back saying that Jason wasn't the reason I had placed the Seattle ad and that I was still wanting to live here. Yeah, that was the case and so we pressed on. We found a place that we really liked (by this point, he was pretty interested in moving West with me). It had a nice view of Mt Rainier out the back doors and was wooded on the other side. I knew it would be pricey, but with two incomes, definitely doable. We left, thanking the lady for her time and headed back into town. Things were looking up. I called Jason in the early afternoon and we made plans for an early supper, just the three of us. I was to call again once we got close to his place. We were about a block away when I called again. His boyfriend answered the phone and I nearly choked. I apologized, saying I had the wrong number and hung up the phone. I kept on going. Past his apartment, past downtown Seattle, past Tacoma, past Olympia. Chris was worried about me. I told him I needed to drive and he acquiesced. Darkness was approaching fast and I choked back the tears. I called him again and he answered. I heard worry in his voice. "Where are you?" he asked. "Hang on." I looked up the road briefly and read the sign to him; "Aberdeen." "WHAT!!, that's nearly to the coast!" "Yeah, I know. I needed to get away from the city to think a while." "Listen, I'd like you to come back and talk. David isn't here anymore and I'd like to talk with you. You can stay here if you like." "I don't know if that's a good idea. I need some time. We're going to stay at a hotel tonight." I hadn't really gone over that possibility with Chris, but he didn't seem to be too upset with the thought. Quiet on the other end..... "Will you call me when you get in?" I whispered softly into the phone. "Yeah." That was it. We hung up the phone and headed to the beach. We watched the sun fall below the horizon at Westpoint. It was a beautiful sunset, I remember that much, but the tears stain my memory. Chris and I stayed in Astoria, Oregon that night and spent much of the next day relaxing at Cannon Beach. We had authentic Italian pizza and browsed the local art galleries. Some local people were having a family portrait done and I got to help with the camera. Anything to take my mind off of Jason. It was a long drive home. I read a novel to Chris in the car; A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice. I cried twice. We threw rocks into the Colorado River and drove a little too fast through the plains. We bumped our way through Kansas City and grooved to the sounds of Nelly in St. Louis. I dropped Chris off at his house and stopped by the local supermarket to have my photos developed. Fifteen short minutes later, I was at home and resting at my pc. I checked my e-mail. Nothing from Jason. Nick sighed as he leaned back into his chair. Tired from writing and drinking, he glanced at the clock and then the window. It said 3:30 am and it was snowing now. He popped two more pills into his mouth and swallowed. The alcohol in his system didn't agree with the medication and he found himself hunched over the toilet in mere minutes.