Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:48:42 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Hey Mikey, Chapter 27

This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs,
and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all
that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so
if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If youare too young or it
is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindof story, shame on you
for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, - -ENJOY!

Cast of characters:

Michael Timothy Headly -- That's me! (Sometimes ... Ronny)

Spike -- (Diane, my big sister)

Mary -- My mom

Tom -- My father.

Gilbert Blank -- Friend from Woodland

Joey Gray -- Gilbert's "little brother"

Bobby Pepper -- New friend

Arlo Gates - Orienteer

Randy Samson -- Arlo's roomie

James Samson (Jay) -- Randy's adopted brother and ... My Twin! (Shawn)

Blair -- New Roomie (Todd is his friend from high school)

Jacky -- one of five brothers and a sister: Jared, Jed, Jimmy, Jock and
Julie

Jody -- Dude from Hurricane Harbor

... From Chapter 26:

I wondered: Am I developing deeper feelings for Bobby than I realized
... or is it the usual sexual high that's making me feel this way?

I went home happy -- and later than I had planned.  You'd think that with
all we did at Bobby's, I'd just fall asleep, but ... it took another
jerking to get me drowsy enough to fall asleep.  I drifted off thinking of
Bobby's ... cute ... face.

I woke up feeling guilty.  I felt guilty and terribly melancholy as I
realized that I had not even thought about Jay before going to sleep.  And
... I felt even guiltier that Bobby was all I felt like I wanted.  No!  I
still WANT Jay ... but last night, something changed.

Chapter 27

I think I'm coming to accept it.  Revise that: I am worried that I'm coming
to accept it.  I don't like it ... not being in control of my life!  A year
ago I didn't even know I was adopted, much less that I had a brother ... a
twin no less ... a GAY twin!  I am in love with him and he is in love with
me.  How serendipitous!  But the joke seems to be on ... both of us!

Bobby is so sweet!  And I am getting more and more attached to him.  I'm
not sure about moving in with him.  It's only a couple weeks from the
wedding until fall semester at Northwestern.  Maybe a couple weeks would be
more like a vacation with a friend ... than actually moving in together.
It'd be fun!  And ... omigosh!  We'd probably spend most of our free time
in bed!  Bobby is not only cute ... he's ... hot and ... makes my tummy
turn somersaults! It's kind of ... sexually high ... or something, being
with a guy taller than I am.  And with my swimmer's physique, I have more
fat than he does.  Um ... revise that too ... he has no fat!  Tall and
skinny and ... sinewy!

Last night I wondered if it was the sex that made me think I was falling
for Bobby.  Now I'm even less sure.  The glow of the sex is gone.  Even
with all my present angst , I still feel like ... I ... (is love the word?)
well, anyway ... I am falling for him more and more each day.

"Dad, I'm really having a struggle!"  I said in my pathetic quandary.

"I can't imagine what it would be like to be gay, Michael.  I wish you
didn't have to deal with it."

"Thanks.  I have a question.  Please think about it before answering.  Um
-- well -- do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?"

"I love your mother, you and Diane ... all more than life itself."

"I mean -- like -- romantic love.  Can you love two at the same time?"

"Your uncle Jim still loves your Aunt Frieda -- I know -- but he also loves
Aunty Ethyl."

"Well, yeah, but -- Aunt Frieda died."  I said.

"Yes, but he didn't stop loving her because she died."

"Dad -- I'm totally in love with my brother.  Is that bad?"

"I've given up trying to make sense of that situation.  I mean -- what
difference does it make if you're brothers -- if your gay?  Laws were
passed that siblings shouldn't marry ... to prevent idiot offspring.  That
can't happen with two brothers.  I heard of a twin sister and brother
becoming a couple.  They couldn't marry legally at that time -- maybe they
still can't, I dunno.  But if one of them gets fixed ... I don't see what
difference that - "

"That's not my problem, dad.  I know Jay loves me too.  But he may not ever
want to ... be with me like that."

"Oh!"  Said dad, looking mildly surprised.  "I kind of figured that you'd
already gone past that point."

"We -- Dad -- we -- um -- we have um -- fooled around some -- if that's
what your talking about.  But -- we haven't had ... you know ... full sex."
At that dad's eyebrows raised slightly.  "But that's not quite what I'm
talking about.  He may get married -- to a girl when he returns from
Australia.  And we could never be a couple."  I barely got that out before
my eyes started to well up.

"Ohhh.  And -- you still love him ... of course!  But you are starting to
have those feelings for Bobby now?"

"YES!  I just feel so guilty ... or something ... when I still have
feelings -- love -- for Jay -- to also be feeling that way about Bobby."

"Well, you're only 19 and isn't Bobby ... 18?  You have plenty of time.
You still have 3 years at Northwestern.  Would he go back there to school?"

"No ... but ... he asked me to spend the rest of the summer with him in San
Jose."

"Oh!"  Said dad.  "That sounds to me like a recipe for ... well -- hrmph!
I probably would have liked to spend a few week of summer with a girl when
I was just out of high school, too!  Do you think -- um -- that either of
you is ready for that?"

"I know I'd be ready if it was Jay!"  I said, almost impudently.

Dad took a deep breath, then exhaled it between his palms.  "You both are
adults, Son.  Sometimes you have to make adult decisions and they might
hurt you later.  I wouldn't advise you to move in with anyone at this time,
but it's one way we grow - by taking risks and getting hurt.  It's totally
your decision.  Have you already told him that you would?"

"No.  I told him after the wedding I'll give him my decision."

"It sounds like you already have a good handle on it."

"Well -- I mostly wanted to know if it was possible to -- love two at the
same time.  I g-guess it is."

"I don't envy you, Michael.  I really don't.  Have you talked this over
with Jay?"

"He told me not to wait."  I said, getting choked up again.

"I see.  Well, then, I guess that it's none of his business."  Said Dad,
not exactly sarcastically.

"I'll probably mention it to him when he's out here for the wedding."

"Hmm -- yeah-m."  He said.  I know that tone.  It was as if he were saying
... "You may want to rethink that."

"Well, anyway -- thanks for talking to me, Dad."

"I don't know if I helped you much."

"You did!  That part about Uncle Jim -- that helped -- a lot!"

Bobby moved his stuff down using his dad's Escalade.  He came back up
Friday night.  "Mikey -- you should see this place!  It's amazing!  It's a
lot better than I thought it'd be.  There's a swimming pool and a hot tub
right outside our door, and barbecue islands on the other side of the pool.
It's perfect!"

"Sounds nice."  I said.  "Randy and Diane are gonna be married next
Saturday!"


"I know!  Um -- I want to give you some reason to want to come down for the
rest of the summer.  Let's drive down to my new place tonight.  We can come
back tomorrow if you want."

"Um -- okay -- but -- um -- why not just stay for the weekend?"  I said.

Bobby's eyes about popped out.  "Really??!!  You like to do that?"

"Why not?"  I said.

He followed me into my room.  I grabbed some shorts and a swim suit and
several tee shirts, then said, "Um -- let's go by Castro on the way."

"You mean San Francisco?"

"Uh-huh."

"Sure!"  he said, "Why not?"

We parked on Castro Street and as soon as we were in sight of the youth
bar, we saw Joey Gray.  He was standing outside talking to an older guy and
when he saw us he disappeared before we got there.  As we turned to enter
the bar, Joey was pulling Gilbert from deeper inside.

"See ... See Gilly!  They're here!"  He said gleefully.  Joey was still
Joey, but he looked several years older -- even though it had been only a
year.  He had grown at least 4 inches!  I guess he was growing into his
foot -- or I should say his 12 inches!  His jeans were still tight and
ragged -- and maybe a couple sizes too small, but on him they looked good
-- and his long snake was visible, seemingly edging its way under the
denim, toward his knee.

Gil walked to me and straightway took me in his arms.  "I wondered if I'd
ever see you again!  Joey and me drove into a lake and both our phones were
ruined -- so I lost your number.  I went up to your place but your dad said
you were in Cincinnati -- or somewhere?"

"Chicago.  It's great to see you, too.  I've actually been down here a
couple times hoping to see you!"

"Hey -- what're you guys doing for the weekend?"  Asked Bobby.

"Just hangin' out."  Said Joey.

"No -- that'd be YOU if you wore shorts!"  teased Gilbert.  Joey grinned at
him.

"You wanna come spend some time with Mike and me -- at my new place in San
Jose?"

I was stunned.  He didn't so much as ask me or ... well -- it is his place,
isn't it?  He can ask anyone he wants.  Still, I really was stunned.  I
guess I completely misjudged Bobby.

Both Joey and Gilbert broke into grins and eagerly agreed.

Feeling very uncomfortable, I said, "So -- um -- what -- what -- what
happened to your truck, Gilbert?"

"Um -- what?  Oh! you mean when we got swamped?  Not much.  It took a
couple days for the carpets to dry, but since we were pulled out
immediately, no real damage occurred."

"Ah -- I see -- um -- hmph."

"So what have you two been up to, anyway?  I am kind of surprised to see
the two of you together.  Last time I saw Bobby, he was still kind of with
that big guy ... um -- Greg or something?  I got the idea that he didn't
like anyone -- um -- well, that he was kind of jealous of Bobby being with
anyone else."

"Good memory."  Said Bobby sadly.  "No -- he's gone."

"Well, if you miss him -- I'm sorry to hear that."  Said Gilbert.  "I
didn't mean anything by it.  I just - "

"No -- I meant he's gone like ... dead."

Both of our Woodland friends' mouths dropped open.  "What happened?"  Asked
Joey.

"He fell ... or was pushed off a cliff up near Red Bluff -- into the
American River."  Said Bobby.  He didn't mention that it could have been
suicide.

"Oh -- KEE-rap!"  Said Gilbert.  "Who would do that?"

"His father was with him.  He claims it was an accident."

"And you think his father did it ... why, because he's gay?"

"I -- um -- guess."  Said Bobby, becoming more agitated.

"That really sucks!"  Said Gilbert.  "Could it have been Sui - "

"IT WASN'T SUICIDE!"  screamed Bobby, attracting the attention of several
others who were standing outside the bar with us.  He looked around and
lowered his voice, "It -- it -- I mean -- he wasn't -- wasn't -- that is --
we were happy the way we were -- he wouldn't have done that!"

"I'm sorry, Bob.  I really am sorry.  It's obvious that you love him
still."

"I -- um -- I'm getting over it -- I think."  Said Bobby, tears now rolling
down his cheeks.  "Mike has helped a lot.  He and I -- um - " Bobby looked
at me, then continued, "We're kind of a -- a -- couple now."

This night was full of surprises -- for me.

"That's -- probably a good thing."  Said Gilbert.  Actually Joey and me
ain't been down here to Castro for a long time.  We just kind of came for
... old times sake, I guess.  After you left for Chicago, we hit this place
almost every weekend, for awhile, just to get fucked.  But we talked about
it and decided that it wasn't really making us very happy."

"So -- um -- what now?"  Asked Bobby.

"Well -- we just like hanging out -- you know like brothers do.  When we
have come down here -- since about new years -- we watch each other. I make
sure that Joey stays legal -- you know - no one over 18."

"And I make sure he don't fuck no dogs!"  Grinned Joey.

"Um -- maybe we can go back to your place now -- where is that?"

"San Jose."

"Yeah -- San Jose.  This place is feeling kind of grungy to me now -- like
a meat market or sumpthin'."  Said Gilbert.  At my curious look, he
continued.  "We kinda cleaned up our act.  That guy that gave me the truck
-- he has invited us to his place several times -- both here in Frisco and
up in Eureka.  Funny how bein' around nice stuff makes you want to be more
-- um -- civilized er sumthin'.."

Gilbert saw Joey looking hungrily at Bobby.  "Suck it up, big guy!  He's
out of your reach now.  You're 18 now, ain't cha, Bob?"  Said Gilbert.
Even having grown a couple inches, Joey still really was not big ... well
except for that one part of him ... that hung nearly down to his knees.

"Aww, Gilly!  This is different.  It isn't as if I haven't been with him
before!"  Whined Joey.  I guess some things don't change.  Well, he still
is only seventeen, isn't he? ... (not a grown up 19-year-old like me!)

"Hey, I keep you safe ... and other guys like me from landing in prison!
You know your dad would jump at any opportunity to bilk a rich guy like
Bobby of all he owns!"

"My dad!?  Are you talking about my sperm donor or that son-of-a-bitch that
my mom lets live with us right now?"

I could see that Bobby was visibly shaken by that exchange as well, but
couldn't tell where his head was.  After some nice snacks and some fun
discussion of our camping trip last year, it was obvious that what ... some
... maybe ... were looking forward to -- wasn't going to happen.  Bobby
awkwardly asked if the guys wanted to stay over, and Gilbert awkwardly said
they should be getting back to Woodland.

"You're awfully quiet tonight."  Said Bobby to me after Gilbert and Joey
left.

"What was all that about?"  I asked coolly.

"What ... what was what about?"

"Why did you ask them back here tonight?"

"Because!  Um -- I thought you'd want me to."  He said, like a trapped
little boy.

"Why?  I don't get it."  I said.  "I thought -- I figured -- I mean, well,
I guess maybe I shouldn't make assumptions either!"

"What -- what -- assumptions did you make?"

"Let's just say that ... I didn't think you only wanted to bring me down
here to just show me your place.  I thought -- but -- well, obviously I was
wrong!"

"Wrong ... about what?"  Asked Bobby.  I could see he was in turmoil and I
didn't give an inch.  Part of me felt badly, but another part was pissed.

"Well?!!  Was I wrong?  Did you invite me here this weekend just to show me
your new place?"

"NO!  I -- I mean -- I wanted to -- um -- get you alone and - "

"And then you saw an opportunity to involve two more in our aloneness?
What's up with that?"

"Mikey!"  He cried, "I thought it was what you wanted!"

"You thought I'd want to have a foursome with - with -- I mean -- or maybe
you just wanted to swap partners.  Did you want to play with Joey's
... Joey's ... horse dick ... that much -- once you saw him?"

"Mikey -- I thought the only reason you wanted to go to Castro was the
possibility that we might find Joey and Gilbert there.  And we did!  Isn't
that what you were hoping for?"

He was looking down at me, obviously trying to make some sense of what he'd
done ... or maybe figure our WHAT he'd done.  I melted.  "I -- no!  I only
wanted to go to a place where we were surrounded by other guys -- that --
understand how we feel.  My family loves me.  I'm getting to know my new
clients I work for, and they are pretty nice too.  But no one -- besides
you -- I mean -- I don't feel like I can be ME around anyone else.  THAT'S
why I wanted to stop by Castro ..."

"Oh."  He said, remorsefully, staring at something on the floor.

I softened my tone.  "Bobby -- why did you invite them back here?"

He looked back into my face.  Tears were running down his face.  "I'm
sorry.  I Really thought it's what you wanted.  I feel like I'm losing you
... and yet I never really had you!  I guess I was desperate -- to please
you.  It was stupid."

"I -- I -- guess I understand.  If you like me so much - "

"NO! You DON'T understand!  I don't just LIKE you!  I LOVE you Mikey!  I
need -- no!  YES!  I do!  I NEED you -- right now ... but -- more than that
... I love you!"

He was looking from one eye to the other ... hoping to find some spark of
something in me -- and -- he found it.  I smiled.  "Well, why didn't you
just tell me?"  I said.

I made a decision at that moment.  Jay will always be my brother -- my soul
mate.  But he's never going to be my lover ... is he?!  And -- didn't I
already admit to myself that I was having strong feelings for Bobby?

"I thought I had.  I told you last time we -- were together that -- I loved
you."

"You told me that you loved -- being with me."

"I guess you're right."  He said.  "I wanted to say I love you -- I relived
that moment over and over after I left your place.  Why couldn't I just
have said it?!"

"Bobby -- it's because you were afraid of my reaction.  I'm sorry.  I have
a hard time saying it too.  I mean -- it's easy to say it to my brother.
He's my brother!  But saying it to you ... means something else."

"Does it?  Does it really?"  Bobby asked.  "I mean -- when you tell Jay you
love him -- is it only brotherly love?"

"No.  But that makes it easier to say.  It just seems like there's a
commitment that goes with it when you say it to someone that's not your
family ... or something,"

"So -- you're not ready to say it to me?"  He said, looking totally
vulnerable.

It was my turn to look into his eyes, from one to the other, trying to work
up a ... trust ... or something.  (Gosh, being a teenager is exasperating!)
"Bobby -- I love you.  I do.  Whatever that means -- it's how I feel.  It's
hard to say -- harder than the first time I had to tell myself `I'm gay.'
But I have to say it.  I love you."  And I stood up on my tiptoes and
closed my eyes.

Bobby gulped, then sobbed and then kissed me ... tenderly at first, but as
we got into it, he kissed me passionately and then picked me up and carried
me to the bedroom.  We lay down on top of the covers, fully clothed, and
made out for a long time.  Finally, I said, "Boy -- THAT was hard!"  I
giggled and then added, "But I'm glad we're here and we got through it!"

"Me too!"  He said, seriously.  Then he said, "And apparently something
ELSE is hard!"  He of course was referring to the hard rod inside my jeans.
We wildly tore off each other's clothes, pulled back the sheets and then
made out for another long time, our nude bodies -- and minds -- responding
to the intense stimulation that only skin on skin can do.

Bobby did his magic on my genitals, bringing me almost maddeningly
... slowly ... to the brink of orgasm -- then pulling back a notch.  I was
begging him to make me cum by the time it was too late.  His finger
thumping my prostate, he bobbed like a piston on me while I whined then
screamed out in ecstasy, loading up his mouth and throat with my love
serum.

I was still breathing deeply and raggedly as I asked him, "I think I am
ready -- if you want -- would you get off ... inside me?"

He looked deeply into my eyes and I saw it.  Love and trust!  "Are you
sure?"  He said.

"Yes!"  I said enthusiastically.

"The first time can hurt.  It isn't like a little finger in there ... even
though I'm not THAT much bigger than a finger!"  he giggled.


"I -- um -- think -- um -- yes!  I want it!"  I said.  "Make love to me
... please ... "  I paused to again look deeply into his eyes ... and
hopefully let him look deeply into my soul, " ... now!"

He worked me with his fingers to loosen and open me up.  He put my legs
over his shoulders, kissed me deeply and put the tip of his dick to my --
again tightly closed sphincter.

Then he said, "Mikey -- I think we should wait."

"WHAT!!??"  I exclaimed.

"Please -- just suck me off and let's not do this now." He said calmly.

"I -- I -- I don't understand."  I stuttered.

"Neither do I.  It just ... all of a sudden ... it felt ... not right."

I wanted this so much!  I have waited so long!  I wonder what could be
wrong!  "But -- but -- you have been almost begging me -- to -- to -- do
that!"

"I've been -- I know!  Actually I've been begging you to make love to me!
You ... in ... me!  Somehow when I got ready ... I couldn't do it."

"But -- why ... why?"  I said, quickly losing anything of the sexual
feeling that I had.

It was a ridiculous scene, really.  I was on my back, my legs still over
his shoulders, my dick hanging slack over my lower abdomen.  He was
hovering over me, ready for ... nothing ... because he too had lost his
wood!

"I -- I'm sorry, Mikey!  I just looked into your eyes and saw -- something
very unsure about what you were about to do and ... of course some fear.  I
just couldn't ... not this way.  I might have been able to let you - do --
me -- but -- I dunno -- the last thing in the world I wanted to do was
disappoint you!  I LOVE you!"

"Maybe you love me enough ... to not want to hurt me."  I said quietly.

"THAT'S IT!"  He said, rolling off me.

"I'm still not quite sure what happened there."  I said.

"We have the rest of the weekend, Mikey.  We can take this up later, if you
want.  But ... I think ... I think ... we should wait until -- after next
week."

"Wow."  I said, blinking.

"Yeah.  After next week maybe you can be clear away from your brother --
and then we both may feel better about this step -- if that makes any
sense.  And I guess, we can get some sleep ... now?"

I pulled him close.  "I think I love you more than ever now!"  I said.
"And you better NOT go to sleep without giving me some of your man juice!
I deserve it now ... not later!"  I kissed him deeply and of course he
kissed me back..  We really didn't sleep much that night.  We played,
loved, sucked showered about 3 times, and played some more.  What we didn't
do was ... fuck ... because Bobby wanted me to be sure.  Gotta love that
boy!

The weekend was a whirlwind for us.  We went to the beach, to Great
America, got far enough away from the sex that I was certian it was not
"afterglow" that was making me feel this steady love growing ever stronger.
Bobby is so cute in so many ways, and ... so manly at the same time.  He
really is too skinny to play football, but he had been on the team, and he
was 2 inches taller than I was.

By Sunday afternoon, I was really craving making us one in that way that
nothing else can compare with.  I begged Bobby at least every night, but
now it was HE that was strong.  What changed?  I dunno ... except that I
felt like I was falling in love with him more and more and he said he loved
me enough to not give me what I thought I wanted.  In a way it was
maddening, at the very least, frustrating, but mostly it just made me love
him more!  I went home from San Jose a very happy boy ... except not quite
satisfied in that one certain way.

Monday morning I awoke to get ready for work ... as usual.  I thought about
the week ahead of me.  Friday would be the wedding rehearsal, and the
rehearsal dinner, followed by somewhat of a bachelor party for my
soon-to-be brother-in-law.  Randy didn't drink, and neither did Jay -- or
even Diane for that matter -- so we couldn't try to get him all
"drunked-up" ... which most grooms friends do the night before their
weddings.

Jay was his best man, but since he was in Chicago, and they were marrying
in my parents church, in deference to them, and I was here ... I was the
"de-facto" best man, making all the arrangements that the best man is
responsible for.  It was not all THAT much, but I had to order tux's for
myself, both dads, Jay and Randy.  Jay was stressed out over all HIS plans
for traveling to Australia, plus all of the last minute things he had to do
to be ready for his mission ... so he begged me to compose a toast for him
to say at the reception, and asked me to do one at the rehearsal dinner.

I was also delegated to pick everyone up at the airport Thursday night.
After all that was over, then I had to look forward to Jay's departure the
very next Tuesday for Provo, Utah to the missionary training center.

I saw Bobby Monday night, but we had no opportunity for anything more than
a short make out session.  Bobby gave me his class ring and asked me to go
with him.  "You -- you want me to go with you?  You mean like ... go
steady?"

"I don't know how the real queers are supposed to do it, Mikey!  All I know
is I want you ... only you.  Just hold on to the ring until you decide."

"Until I decide??!!"  I exclaimed.  "I have already decided.  The answer is
YES!!  I was feeling down this morning ... not sure where my life was
headed.  Now I feel like I'm flying!  Oh Crap!  I wanna -- but -- we can't
-- not now!  But as soon as we can get together, we are GOING to consummate
this commitment!  Right?"

"Yes ... Mikey ... YESSS!"

Tuesday night I stayed up late, happily making arrangements and composing
toasts.

Wednesday ... the bomb ... dropped.

"Mike," Started Bobby soberly.  He had come over to tell me his news in
person.  He had tears in his eyes even before he started.  "Mikey -- Babe
-- They've found Gary."

"Oh -- wow!"  I said.  "Geez -- I'm so sorry ... um ... did they have to do
a DNA test to identify the body?"

"No.  Mikey -- he's alive -- barely.  Well, he's as healthy as he could be
under the circumstances.  But he lost his memory and also ... his legs
... or the use of them.  They're both paralyzed.  He has been in -- first a
hospital and then a convalescent home for most of this time.  He was found
naked and barely alive by a fisherman, and taken to a hospital where they
kept him alive and got him well enough to go to the convalescent home.

"Mike -- he's remembering.  His memory's coming back.  He asked for me.  I
went up to see him.  He asked that I not contact his parents.  He will be
staying in the convalescent home for some time longer.  I was the only one
he contacted.  He's still confused ... isn't sure what happened.  I talked
to the doctors there and they said not to suggest anything to him -- as to
the controversy about his possible father's role in his accident.  He needs
to remember it all himself and now that his memory is returning -- they
feel he will remember it all -- eventually.  They're working with the
police to get to the bottom of this."

"Oh my gosh1" I said.  "That's incredible!  Is there anything I can do?"

"He doesn't want anyone else to know, really.  I wasn't supposed to tell
anyone ... not even you.  Actually, he doesn't remember you ... yet.  I --
haven't told him about ... us ... and ... I'm ... not going to."

When he said that, he stared into my eyes for some recognition of what he
just had just said.  It hit me like a four-by-four in the face. "You --
you're going to - - I mean -- you're breaking up with me -- aren't you?"  I
said, woodenly.

"I'm sorry Mike!  I'm so sorry!  He ... Gary needs me.  I never stopped
loving him -- of course, - but I thought he was dead.  And now -- he needs
me to nurse him back to health and after that to -- take care of him.  I'm
so sorry!"

I smiled -- fighting bitter tears -- trying to not make it any harder for
him that it already was.  I knew the score.  I'd like to tell him
... "We'll keep in touch," and all that but I really don't like Gary that
much and ... he doesn't like me either -- especially when it comes to
Bobby.  I'd always be a threat ... especially in the shape he's in now.

We sat in silence for a long time.  Only last night I was begging him to
consummate our relationship.  I felt foolish and alone.  After too long a
time, he squeezed my arm and kissed my cheek.  I grabbed him and kissed his
mouth.  He responded and then said, "See yah around, Mikey!"  I took off
his ring and gave it to him.  Then he got up and walked slowly to his
Corvette ... as if a huge weight had been lifted from him and ... left him
with no strength.

He turned the key, racked the pipes and slowly pulled away from the curb.
I stood, turned around and went into the house.  I didn't float, but don't
know how I got into my room without anyone asking me what happened.  I lay
on my bed for what seemed like an eternity, trying to adjust to what just
happened.

I felt empty and scalded inside.  I wanted to cry, but couldn't.  I tried
to think about my brother and Randy and his family.  It was a mixed feeling
of sweetness at seeing and embracing them and the absurdity of my life as
it is now.  When the tears came, I was too tired to care.  I don't remember
how long it was, or when I went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke up ... surprisingly ... feeling happy.  I knew that
I'd see my brother and everyone again before noon, and I know that was what
it was holding me up.  There were a few moments that I didn't think about
Bobby ... but somehow, the thoughts were not as bad as I thought they would
be.  It was a ...bittersweet ... feeling.

Dad took my mom's car to work, so I could have the big car.  It had to
carry me, Diane, Randy, Jay, and their parents.  It would be a challenge
but I figured we'd make it work.  At the last minute, Diane said, "This is
crazy!  I'm driving to pick up my man!  You get everyone else!"

I followed Diane to the Sacramento Airport.  During the 40 minute drive she
had time to think.  I followed her into the newly opened parking garage,
which has a bunch of artistic pieces all over it made to look like giant
kites in the shapes of whimsical airplanes.  I parked close to her and she
threw me the keys to her little 2-door Toyota Tercel.  "I changed my mind,
Baby."  She said.  She only calls me that when she's feeling particularly
happy and at the same time particularly loving toward me.  "You take my car
... with your brother!"

"Are you sure?"  I asked.

"Let me think a minute, M-T head ... ummm -- yes!  I'm sure!  Gimme the
keys to the Buick.  I'll take the in-laws."

"Diane ... you don't have to do that!"  I protested.

"YES!  I DO!"  She said firmly.  "And besides, I want to make the best
impression on my future in-laws."

With the post 9-11 security, we had to wait for them in the luggage
department.  It also has a cute theme.  The very high ceilings are
supported by columns, camouflaged to look like old fashioned luggage carts,
piled high ... to the at least 30 foot high ceiling -- with various kings
of luggage.

I headed straight to the bathroom.  First of all, I needed to go ... and
secondly, I wanted to check out how I looked.  My hair was now almost
shoulder length in back, but I had it cut shorter on top, so I could spike
it a little ... but more have that
"just-got-out-of-bed-and-used-an-egg-beater-to-arrange-it" look.  It looks
a little punky, but with the tight stretch jeans and ribbed tee, it was
working for me ... as evidenced by all the girls ... AND GUYS ... checking
me out!  I had flip flops on my feet.

I got out of the restroom just in time to see them coming down the
escalator.  Randy was standing on the stair just above Jay -- with his hand
on Jay's shoulder.  Randy looked stunning, in his dark glasses and ... he
had stylishly long hair too.  He looked like a California boy all the way,
dressed in khaki cargo pants with a red plaid shirt tucked neatly into
them, the pant waist slightly bunched, highlighting his already slim form.

Jay smiled almost demurely when he saw me.  He looked ... younger!  His
hair was cut close to his head and he had it parted on the side ... like so
many pictures I'd seen of kids in the 1950's.  He looked good enough to
eat.  (And E-GAD I wanted to eat him!)  I felt every muscle tense as they
got closer to the ground floor.  I hoped that he would run to me, when he
got there, but he stayed with Randy, guiding him through the myriad of
others that just alit from planes.

When they did get to us, Randy reached out, knowing that Diane would be
there.  She was!  They hugged closely, but not any closer than Jay and me.
He snuggled his face into my neck, and breathed in my essence ... and some
of my longish hair.  He hugged me even closer, as I felt wetness on my
neck.

Then he pried himself away ... a half moment before it might have been
considered a spectacle ... and looked into my eyes.  He smiled sheepishly.
"Like my missionary Haircut?"  He quipped.

"It's cute!"  I said.  You look like a little lid.  You look ... umm - "

" ... Innocent?" said Randy.  "That's what he's SUPPOSED to look like!  He
got his hair cut for his missionary farewell last Sunday." Randy hugged me
and when Diane went to hug her new brother-in-law-to-be, Jay shook her hand
instead.

At her hurt look he said, "I'm already set apart for my mission.  I'm not
allowed to hug pretty girls."

"Oh!"  Said Diane.  "Only the ugly ones, huh?"

Randy explained, "Once set apart, the missionaries cannot hug or even be in
the company of a girl by himself.  It's part of the mission rules.  Too
much temptation."

Jay was dressed in a plaid shirt too, with Levis and sockless Vans.  We
looked less like twins than we ever had!

We all said our hellos to the older folks and Jay and his dad picked up the
luggage from the carousel.

"You'll all be coming with me."  Said Diane to her future in-laws.  "Jay's
riding with my brother."

She led them across the street to the terminal, with Jay and me trailing
them by 50 feet.  He clung to my hand as if HE were the one who was blind.

By ourselves in the car ... we both became suddenly shy.  I said, "So --
you're going straight to the missionary training place from here?"

"Yes."

"I guess it's pretty cold `down under' right now."  I added.

"Yeah -- `guess so."

"You -- um -- you didn't bring enough clothes for two years."  I observed.

"We shipped most of it to my aunt's house in Orem.  That's right next to
Provo.  We'll buy a lot of it after we get to Provo, before checking in to
the MTC."

"MTC?"

"Missionary Training Center.  Also, I'll know more what I need once I get
to Melbourne."

We were both thankful for something to talk about.  But then it got quiet
again.  "Um -- what other kind of mission rules do you have?"

"I guess there are rules set by the mission presidents in each area, but
there is a set bed time.  Every set of missionaries has to be back in their
home by 9:30 every night, and lights out by 10:30.  Swimming isn't allowed
anywhere.  We have one p-day -- er -- that's preparation day -- when we
wash clothes and shop -- stuff like that -- each week.  Most missionaries
get together with other missionaries and play basketball or find some time
to goof around on p-day.

"Basically it's a day to act more -- um -- normal.  We aren't supposed to
wear missionary clothes even, because that identifies us as missionaries
... when we are acting more like -- well -- not missionaries!  The rest of
the time, we have to wear our white shirt and tie .. and suit in most
places.  I have heard some places in Oz -- the outback for example -- we
may be allowed to wear jeans, and a short sleeved white shirt.  But even
then, we still have to wear a tie."

"Hm.  Can I write to you?"

"Sure.  Write ... email ... but some places email is restricted, and some
places even letters have to be sent through the mission."

"What?!!"  I exclaimed.  "Do they sensor your mail?"

"No -- but some areas don't have regular mail so the mission carries it
themselves."  There was another pause.  He then said, "Mikey -- I have a
request -- actually a big favor -- to ask."

"Anything ... for you."  I said easily.

"Will you go to the MTC with us?  It's supposed to be only family that go,
but ... I mean -- AND -- I can't think of anyone closer family than
... you.  Please say yes."

"I already did."  I said, finding his hand and squeezing it.

The wedding went off without a hitch.  Everything I planned went like clock
work.  The morning before the rehearsal, I went to the barber.  I got my
hair cut as much like Jay's as possible and parted it on the side.  When we
walked into the church together, there was an audible exclamation as
everyone lay eyes on us. We were twins again!

Both dads were at the bachelor party.  Jay asked me to ask some of my
friends, so I asked Bobby and a couple other friends that I hadn't seen
since high school.  We also invited Gilbert and Joey.  Joey was pretty
young and ... immature ... but no one seemed to care.  I did notice that
Jay's eyes kept straying to the long piece of meat snaking its way toward
his knee under his tight-ish chinos.

"Do you know that kid -- Gilbert's brother or something?"  Jay finally
asked me.

I explained that they were next door neighbors and that they kind of look
out of each other.

"Um -- is that -- um -- thing -- in his pants ... real?  I mean -- do you
know?"

"I do.  It is."

"Geez!  I'm glad it's not mine!"  he said, rubbing his own, pushing it
down. " - but still - - " He swallowed hard.

"I guess being set apart -- is that what it's called?"  He nodded.  "I
guess that doesn't make you immune to -- um -- sexual things, huh?"

"Holy crap no!"  He said, surprising me.  "What kind of a challenge would
it be if there was no temptation?"

"I gotta pee!"  I said, feeling some of the beer that I had consumed.  I
usually don't drink, but Dad made sure there was beer there for those who
weren't tee-totalers.  I only had a couple, but they went right through me.

I did an about face and made a bee line for the bathroom.  I almost fell
when I turned, not realizing just how tipsy I really was.  Jay grabbed my
arm.  "Looks like you need some assistance."  He steered me into the
bathroom and closed the door behind us.

Once in the bathroom, Jay picked up a magazine that was on the short table
opposite the toilet.  I stood there and gawked.  "I thought you had to
pee."  He said.

"Oh -- yeah!"  I turned and relieved my bladder.  When I had washed my
hands and dried them, he was still looking at the magazine.  "Whatcha
looking at so intently?"  I asked.

"Hm?  Oh!  Nothing.  Just trying not to get -- um -- well -- I didn't want
to watch you!"

I turned and stepped up close to him.  I pulled him into a close hug.  I
kissed his lips.  He kissed me back with every bit as much passion as ever.
"And when you are tempted -- and give in -- what happens?'  I asked.

"I don't intent to find out.  I don't intend on that happening again,
either."  He turned and walked out the door.

I followed.

At the wedding, we both wore black tuxes with black ties -- like everyone
else in the wedding party -- except Randy had a white tie and a white
Stephanotis sprig in his lapel, whereas everyone else had a red rose bud.
So it was impossible for most to tell Jay and me apart.  Even our mom's
looked puzzled.

As we waited by the altar of the church for Dad to walk Diane down the
aisle, we smirked, as, just before they reached the front, Randy walked
carefully walked down and received his bride.  While his back was turned,
Jay and I switched places.  Everyone in the church saw is and a titter went
over the congregation.

When they came up and took their places between the male and female
attendants, the minister started to say something.


"Excuse me."  Said Randy.  He sniffed the air and then walked in front of
us, grabbing both of us by the front of our shirts and switching us back.
Everyone in the church roared!

When the ceremony was over and all the kisses and photos were taking, no
one knew at the lead table that it was I who delivered the best man's toast
... not even Randy!  He hugged me -- thinking I was his brother -- and I
guess the smell of the food threw him off our scents.  Then Jay and I
hugged close and spun around twice -- or so everyone thought -- and he
ended up next to his brother again.  One little girl at the first table
closest to us -- kept giggling.  She knew!

When the reception was over, the bride drove the two newlyweds off into the
sunset and everyone else came back and cleaned up the room and when we were
finished, everyone walked out leaving just Jay and me.  Our patent leather
shoes made a hollow sound as we walked around turning off lights.  In the
soft glow of the one night light left, we looked at each other -- up and
down -- and I extended my hand.

He came to me and we embraced again, even closer than we had in the
bathroom the night before, and kissed even deeper.  When we stopped the
kiss, he hugged me close and sighed deeply.  He turned and walked out the
door.

I followed.

I could not have any idea what he must have been feeling as I kept tempting
him and he kept giving in to me.  All I know is that I understand.  I was
always a pushover for a hug and a kiss.  So was my twin -- at least with
me.  Somehow it never seems wrong to hug a brother.  And we did that
frequently ... but when no one was looking ... I am a little ashamed to say
that I took advantage ... of my ... advantage ...

We watched as his family and mine and all the rest drove off toward their
destinations.  "Thank you."  He said.

"For what?"

"For loving me ... for giving me just enough to keep me humble.  I am weak,
Mikey and I want you to know I don't hold you in the least responsible to
keep my standard.  That's for me to do.  And believe it or not, you're
helping."

"I am?"  I said. "Pleased I could be of service!"

"Seriously.  We've done nothing that I can't repent of.  And when I enter
the mission, I will have to report every breach to my superior."

"Oh Jay, I don't want to - " I started.

"No -- it's okay.  You're doing your part to make me strong!  I love you
more than life itself.  If I can hold the line with you -- then I should
not have any problem with anyone while on my mission."

He loves me more than life itself.  And yet he is leaving me -- with
intentions of never being ... mine.  I felt like exploding and imploding
all at the same time.  It filled me with inexplicable joy when he said he
loves me more than life itself ... and inexplicable agony at the
realization that in two days -- three if I go to Provo with him to the MTC
-- he will walk out of my life ... out a door ...


 ... where I cannot follow.



When we arrived at the MTC, there were teems of young men ... most 19 years
old like us -- all dressed in traveling clothes and lugging large
combinations of baggage.

Earlier, we had gone to his aunt's house and picked up his stuff, and they
all decided to come to the going away ceremony at the MTC with us.  And as
you might guess, they all walked out of the house before us ... leaving us
alone, looking out at all these happy relatives talking and smiling and
laughing.

Didn't they know that my heart was breaking!  Didn't they know that this
was the hardest thing Jay ever had to do in his life ... walk out of mine?

We stood in his aunt's house looking into each other's eyes.  This time he
advanced first.  He put his hand around the back of my head and pulled my
face up close to his.  He went to kiss my cheek.  He know he couldn't get
away with it, but he gave it a try.  I turned my lips to him.  He melted
and we practically jumped into each other's arms, kissing deep and
passionately.

I Grabbed his butt and pulled his pelvis as tightly into my oen as I
thought possible ... until he followed suit and squished our ... by now
... hard as rocks -- stuff together.  We could feel one another pulsing.  I
reached into his trousers and wrapped my fingers around his throbbing meat.
He moaned. kissed me deeper, then whined and sighed, crying out, "NOOOOO!"

Tears in his eyes, he removed my hand from his pants and said, "We have to
... stop."  He walked out the door ...

And I followed.

What we did didn't take any longer than a minute, though it seemed an
eternity to us.  His family was still getting in their cars.  We were
ushered into the back seat of an SUV, with a kid on each side of us, as
they drove slowly to the MTC

Every one of those 19-year-old guys looked delicious.  Some looked more
"all-American" than others, some -- if studied closely were homely or just
plain ugly, but ... they all looked beautiful with their excited smiles and
animated faces.  Thousands of "stripling warriors" (I learned what that
while in the separation service.)

Many of these "boys" had never been away from home before.  Some looked
homesick already while others looked like the height of excitement.  We
were all herded into a large hall, each missionary with his family.

A hymn was sung -- something about the Youth of Zion, then a prayer.
Several talks were given, one of which was delivered by someone I
understood they believed was an Apostle of the Lord.  After the talks was
another hymn ... this one I recognized: "God Be With You Til we Meet
Again".  Everyone was crying by the end of the song ... including me.

Then they told us to say our final goodbyes to our beloved missionaries.
The floor must have been awash with tears.  Then they instructed the
missionaries to walk out the back doors, while we watched.  Jay and I could
not take our eyes from each other for an interminable period of time, but
finally he was the last to leave as he turned and walked out the door.

And I could not follow.

Notes: It is one of the most helpless feelings I've ever felt ... to watch
a loved one go through that door -- not to see him for two whole years.
This we were promised by the Apostle who spoke: "Every missionary will
change in so many ways.  He goes away a boy and will return a man ... with
honor."  Comments are welcome.  The author has (obviously) experienced this
phenomenon.  Address your comments to: stevethomas535@hotmail.com.  Thanks
and ... Love, Steve