Date: Tue, 3 Aug 1999 05:14:33 -0400 (EDT)
From: sliders21@iname.com
Subject: hidden-desires-in-ny-6 (college)

Note: Thanks for all your comments and critics. I'm going to end the story
soon hopefully. I think you'll find out that I'm starting to wrap up some
loose ends already. Some of you will really like part 6. At least I hope
so. The story may run up to part 10 only, maybe less. I hope you'll bear
with me until the end. Thanks.

				**********

			     hidden desires 6

				**********

	"Hey," Stephen stood up and looked at me uncomfortably.

	"Hey," I greeted him back as I approached them. "So, you're Sarah's
date tonight?"

	"I wouldn't call him a date," Sarah said as she looked at me. "I
just invited him because he told me he didn't have anything else better to
do tonight."

	"I know that you think Sarah and I are dating but we are not,"
Stephen said to me before he blushed deeply as he looked at Sarah. "Not
that I don't find you attractive or what."

	"We'd better go now," Sarah stood up as she smiled at Stephen,
telling him it was ok. "It's very hard to catch a cab."

	"We could take my car," I offered her. "But we'll have an even
harder time finding some space to park." We agreed to take a taxi to the
restaurant. I made sure that Sarah was between me and Stephen in the taxi.

	"I hope you don't mind me tagging along like this," Stephen said to
me slowly while we were stuck in the traffic.

	"Not at all," I said as I gave him a smile.

	"This is a surprise," Sarah looked at me curiously. "I was
expecting you to be upset because I asked Stephen to come along."

	"I know I'm been an asshole lately," I sighed out deeply. "And I
really appreciate you guys putting up with my attitude. I'll try to stop
being so damn rotten at people."

	"That's the Jason I used to know," Sarah said as she put an arm
around me and gave me a hug. I just smiled at Sarah. I know that no matter
how bad I treat her, she'll always be there for me considering that she's
family. But I glanced at Stephen and saw him smiling at me. Why did he put
up with me these past few weeks? 

	We made small talk until we reached the restaurant. OK. Sarah and
Stephen made small talk. I was still uncomfortable being around
Stephen. But I did speak up every now and then just to be polite and not
come off as a jerk again. Not that it really matters to me what he thinks.

	We had to wait for another thirty minutes until we were seated so
we went to the bar and ordered some drinks. I ordered some Pina Colada
while Sarah had some Margarita and Stephen ordered a Tequila Punch. Sarah
excused herself and went to the ladies room, leaving me and Stephen to
talk.

	"You have a very nice apartment," Stephen said to me as I drank
slowly.

	"My parents' idea of bringing up a child is to give him lots of
money," I laughed at him uneasily. "Not that I'm complaining. How's life
back at the dorms? I used to have a great time back when I was still living
in one."

	"It's great," Stephen said slowly. "I'm lucky to have a great
roommate like Mark."

	"You must miss Stanford, huh?" As I was talking to him, I can't
help but notice just what a perfect guy he was. He has a great smile, great
body, nice personality. No wonder I quickly fell for him the first time we
met.

                         Fuck! What was I thinking?! I should think about
how irritating he is, how nosy he was. Always sticking his nose into my
business. Trying to act like some perfect guy who wants to help me out just
to get Sarah. Shit! It was not working!

	"Sometimes," Stephen nodded his head. "But New York is New York. I
still feel a little overwhelmed that I'm here. You know what I mean?"

	"Not really," I said as I just concentrated on looking at my
drink. "We live in a small suburban town outside the city and I'd come here
all the time. Shopping. Parades. The like."

	"So your parents are working here?" Stephen asked me slowly. I
glanced up at him. He seemed to be very interested about me.

	"They moved to Boston a couple of years ago," I said slowly. "It's
really just Sarah and me here. Maybe that's the reason why she had been
putting up with all the crap I've put her through these past few weeks."

	"We understand," Stephen said to me with a smile. "Don't worry
about it too much. But you know that talking to someone really helps. I
remember once that I had this really big problem or I thought I had. But
when I opened up to a friend of mine, I realized that it wasn't such a big
deal. "

	"That's my problem I guess," I said in a very soft voice. "I'm not
really used to opening up to people."

	"I don't want you to get angry again but I'm here if you ever need
a shoulder to cry on," Stephen said with a smile. I just smiled back at him
weakly. How could I get angry at him? He's not being so pushy this time and
he really sounds sincere. And Sarah seemed to have taken a liking to him
already so he couldn't possibly be doing this to score points with my
cousin.

				***********

	Dinner went by without a hitch. Sarah kept the conversation going
so I didn't feel that uncomfortable. Stephen told me more about his
life. He came from this all-American town in the mid-west

	"You're going back there after graduation?" I asked him
quizzically. I really shouldn't be doing this. I'm just setting up myself
for another heartache.

	"No," Stephen said slowly. I could sense something was wrong. His
voice became strained a little. But unlike him, I'm not really that nosy. I
just let him continue. "I'll probably find a job here in the city and live
here. What about you?"

	"Same," I answered him simply.

	"Me too," Sarah said to us. "I'm already searching for an apartment
and have all these great ideas for decorating the place."

	"You'll probably stay in your apartment, right?" Stephen said to
me.

	"It depends on what kind of job I get after college," I smiled at
him. "The rent is a little high and I wouldn't want to live off my parents
after I graduate. I'll probably move into a much simpler apartment."

	"Hey," Sarah spoke up excitedly. "Maybe you guys can be roommates
after graduation. That way you guys can afford to rent a much nicer
apartment. A friend of mine and I will be sharing an apartment also after
graduation."

	"That's a good idea," Stephen said slowly. I saw him giving Sarah a
look. That could only mean that he's not really that excited about Sarah's
plan. My cousin could really be a pain in the ass sometimes.

	"I had saved some money so I probably won't be forced to move out
immediately," I spoke up quickly. "By my calculations, I still could afford
to live at my apartment until February next year."  Fortunately. Sarah
didn't pursue her idea. She began to talk about our Economics class. I
breathed a sigh of relief as we began to talk about school.

			    ******************

	"We should do this often," Sarah said to us as we exited the
theater. It was already 10:30 and the movie just finished. We were waiting
in the sidewalk for a taxi. We finally got one thirty minutes later. We
went to the campus first to drop of Sarah and Stephen.

	I was beginning to enjoy myself. It's been a while since I had fun
like this. Sarah was right. I need to loosen up a little. We dropped off
Sarah first. She kissed me goodnight on the cheek. That wasn't really
surprising since we are very close. But to my surprise, She kissed Stephen
on the cheeks also.

	"I'll just see you tomorrow morning, ok?" Sarah said to Stephen as
she got off. I told the driver to go to Stephen's dorm next. Then I faced
Stephen.

	"What are you guys going to do in the morning?" I asked him
slowly. Was I jealous already? I hate this! This was exactly the way I felt
when Josh and Sarah was going out. I cannot go through that again! I began
to feel despondent and bitter again.

	"Breakfast," Stephen wasn't dumb not to notice the change in my
voice. "You're more than welcome to join us." I told myself not to get
angry again. I said to him in a flat voice. "No thanks. I think I'll sleep
the morning away tomorrow."

	We became silent again until we reached the dorm. Stephen said
goodbye to me but I just told the driver my address. I didn't look at
Stephen as he closed the door. The taxi drove off as I leaned back on the
seat. Fuck! Just when I was really enjoying myself!

	I paid the driver and got off in front of my building. But I didn't
go inside. Instead I found myself walking towards the bar where I met
Shawn. I sat myself in a corner and ordered some beer. I didn't know how
many I had drank already when I saw a familiar guy approaching me. But I
knew that I was very drunk already.

	The guy sat down next to me. He greeted me but I just continued
drinking the beer in my hand. I began to feel dizzy as I watched the guy
becoming a blur. I felt myself beginning to fall down. Fortunately the guy
was able to catch me. He helped me off to my feet and we began to walk out
of the bar.

			      ***************

	I woke up with a terrible headache. I sat on the bed and groaned
out loudly. I didn't realize until a few minutes later that I wasn't in my
bedroom. I wasn't even in my apartment.

	I stood up and saw that I was dressed down to my boxers only. That
was when I remember getting drunk and this guy helping me out of the bar. I
sat back down on the bed as I massaged my temples.

	"Fuck!" I muttered out to myself as I remembered that I made a pass
on the guy! I remember the guy bringing me to his apartment and sitting me
down on the couch. I tried kissing him on the lips and telling him I love
him. I was all over him on the couch!

	"You're awake already," A voice said from the doorway. I turned my
head sharply and saw Shawn smiling at me uneasily. He turned around and
walked back out. "I already made breakfast."

	I looked around and saw my shirt on the floor so I picked it up and
put it on. I didn't bother to put on my jeans as I hurried out of the
bedroom. I saw Shawn sitting down in a small table. There was two bowls of
cereals. I walked up to him and sat down on a chair. I couldn't even look
at his eyes.

	"Look Jason," Shawn sighed out deeply. He could feel how
uncomfortable I am. "Nothing happened last night. You passed out in the
living room so I carried you to the bed and took off your clothes. I didn't
take advantage of you."

	"I--I remember," I looked up at him and gave him a
smile. "Thanks. I made a total fool of myself."

	"Just be thankful that I was the one who picked you up and not some
nutcase," Shawn said as he gave me the milk. I poured some into my cereal
bowl. We began to eat silently.

	Fuck! Now Shawn knows that I am gay. No matter how much I deny it,
he won't buy it. I told him I love him for god's sake!

	"You were drunk and didn't know what you were saying or doing,"
Shawn said to me softly. I looked back at him in surprise. He smiled at me,
"I won't tell anyone else what you did to me."

	"There's... Fuck!" I was about to tell him the truth but I didn't
know how to say it. Shawn just looked at me understandingly. I breathed in
deeply. I couldn't look at him when I said, " I--I'm gay."

	"I know," Shawn said slowly. I looked at him shyly and saw him
smiling. "I know it's hard to say that to anyone. You wouldn't believe how
hard it was for me to tell people that I was gay. And to be truthful, I was
suspecting you were gay but I didn't just pursue it because I know how hard
it is to come out like that."

	"Thanks for understanding," I sighed out in relief. A huge weight
felt like it was lifted off my shoulders.

	"So this is the reason why you're in such a bad mood lately, huh?"
Shawn smiled at me weakly. "I've heard that you and Josh got into a
shouting match last Monday."

	"It's one of the reasons," I said to him slowly.

	"The other reason is that you're in love with Stephen, right?"
Shawn said to me softly.

**********

to be continued...

**********

Note: To those of you who wanted Jason to come out, I hope you liked the
way he came out. All your comments are welcome. My email is:
Sliders21@iname.com