Date: Mon, 8 May 2006 09:51:21 +0200 (CEST)
From: Marcos Rojas <tulindobebito@yahoo.es>
Subject: Hunting Season - Boyfriend Wanted 1

Hi all!

The latest experiences I had on the dating scene made me write this story.
Don't expect a story neatly written where two guys meet, find out about
each other that they are gay and will fall in love, fighting against the
family, getting all beaten etc etc... There will be no sports as the
necessary spice of the story, these are only the feelings of a guy
discovering himself and others. Whether you hate or like what you will
read, I would like to ask you to drop me a line. It is absolutely necessary
to know what do you think about this story. Last but not least I would like
to thank Billy for editing the text. Du bist ein Schatz! ;-)

Marcos

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Hunting Season: Boyfriend Wanted!
- I've had enough! -


A cold autumn wind was playing with the yellow leaves of the nut tree.
Looking at this ancient tree always reminded me of how much I enjoyed
studying here. There were trees everywhere and you had all seasons, so you
just had to take a walk and you could see what autumn or spring meant...
Kind of boring you might say, that is of course if you don't come from a
country where you don't have all seasons. I kind of had everything here,
the university I attended was one of the top ones, the feeling of being a
student there was a special one. One of the things I loved most were the
buildings, all lecture halls were old and preserved traditions. It almost
felt like an honor to sit in one of the upper rows on the velvet seats. It
was kind of funny how Abercrombie matched the velvet. I used to smile each
time I saw alumni coming back. Old gentlemen with their respectable wives,
all dressed properly, in dark suits, showing the endless respect they had
towards this institution that made them, presumably, what they were now in
life. I knew little about the United States, it wasn't my option either to
study here. As always, my parents wanted me to do it, and of course I
wanted to be the good boy and knew, of course, that all they wanted for me
was to get a decent education, so there were no doubts about this choice.
Every one told me how great it would be, a life like those in the
movies... Well... I guess that turned out to be a cliche again. But more
about that later.

The movements of the tree caught my eyes and gave me, again, an option to
daydream. The wind was playing with the leaves. But was it a play? Or did
it only look like a play, and in reality it was a hard struggle for life
and death. I knew scientifically, that yellow leaves were dead biological
substance, but still, each autumn, I had to wonder what it felt like being
torn apart from a place were you have spent all your life. Just like
humans, we are born somewhere, have a family, and even if we end up working
or living on the other end of the world, the bonds with our loved ones
still exist. Some of the leaves were holding on stubbornly, others didn't
have the strength and let themselves get carried away from the wind. To let
go and travel with the flow. One of the things you can do only once in your
life. I hated vital decisions of that kind. Interestingly I had this
special talent to feel the weight of these decisions. I hated it! I hated
it, because I had to leave all the drama of these situations. That I was
more sensitive then the average guy I already knew from my childhood.
However that I had the attention of many caring people and that saved me
from becoming a hurt, silent, introverted person. I knew the risks of being
sensitive and meanwhile I was ready to take the chance each time I felt
like choosing the sensitive way. Just like now... My emotions were just
pushing me towards another catastrophe, so I knew what to do: focus on the
lecture and pretend I had a happy life of my own.

The professor was going on with his lecture. The same pace, the same voice,
no emotions... "With these pheromones female butterflies can attract the
males. It is selective to..." I wonder how it would be to attract potential
lovers like butterflies!?! Standing on the balcony and sending my
pheromones all across campus... Hmmm... And having all these interesting
and handsome guys migrating towards my balcony. Day and night! And I could
choose to be with one of them. Or even more of them! Or ALL of them!
Hmm...All these molecules flying through the air... And me standing in a
specific position waiting for my mate(s) to arrive...

Swash!

?!?

"Are you out of your mind? What is this drawing? You feel like a butterfly
now?" same old voice I had to remind me of my mortal human condition. And
gone were the wings, the pheromones and all the sexy guys migrating towards
me. All that remained were the thoughts of danger and self preservation.

"You could be a little more cautious with that!" the same voice kept on
trying to convince me. However whispering.

"Wha - What? I didn't do a thing!" I moved the corner of my mouth.

"And this?" the whisper came again and with it a carefully folded piece of
yellow paper. I knew that type of paper and I was wondering who else used
the same paper as I did. Carefully unfolding it I saw a guy on a balcony
with several clumsy lines, representing something that probably was meant
to be some kind of chemical substance.

Hearing the sound of nervous fingers on the desk behind me I took my pen
and wrote a couple of words on it, folded the drawing and carefully gave it
back. While musing how interesting it was that someone used yellow paper
even though you have a lot of polychromatic drawing to do, it occurred to
me, that THAT drawing almost looked like my...

Swash!

Again the yellow paper on the right side of my head, brought to the front
energically. So I unfolded again and took and read the lines:

My lines: "Chris!?! This is awful! Where did you get it?"

Chris's lines: "Idiot! You made it during class! We'll have a word about IT
after class..."

Oh well, I knew there was something wrong. See, I am not that kind of slow
or in that kind of state of mental degradation not to realize what I am
doing, but these days... Well... Let's say I was somehow living in another
world. Good that I had Chris.

The rest of the class was uneventful. There was one little detail that kept
on bothering me, and at the time was I was getting more and more nervous.

"Not here! Let's go home!" was all Chris said.

See, this was the part, where we, or better said was supposed to gather my
stuff, since Chris had all of his neatly packed, and heading out of the
hall without talking about IT. I knew this little routine oh so well...
We'd be walking back to our cars and then we'd drive for a half an hour in
silence, in our respective cars, and after the door of the apartment had
been closed, Chris will preach me about IT... The only problem was, that I
already knew his opinion about IT. Or to say I knew is a huge
understatement, I even memorized the steps of the process. Chris will start
to say that... But anyway, you will get to hear it!

The wind felt cold, but it was kind of pleasant with the rays of the Sun on
my face. I decided to put on my sunglasses and enjoy the view. View =
nature + people. More precisely: nature + guys.

"The Sun is still quite strong..." I mumbled towards Chris trying to reason
but his usual "I know why are you doing that" look made me reconsider going
on with the useless talking.

In the next ten minutes my eye-muscles were exposed to a highly tiresome
exercise, since they had to compensate every movement of my neck I wasn't
allowed to make. The parking lot was kind of crowded, that still didn't
stop Chris from walking me to my car.

"See you at home!" and he was.gone.  I couldn't help sighing for a short
second.



Chris gave me the short "On our walk through campus. In spite of knowing
what was waiting for me at home I tried to enjoy what seemed to be one of
the last beautiful autumn days." And the best option for that was my
cabriolet. My parents aren't the richest ones, but let's say they have this
little thing... they really like to show off, they make out of everything a
case of pride and honor. They couldn't allow their son to drive around in
something under the level now, could they? So two days after receiving the
letter from the uni I got my biggest present, the BMW. And that car was my
baby. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't know what was under the cowling, and
I wasn't curios to learn something about the life of the car. I was way too
theoretical of a man for that. Of course there was one part of the car that
simply HAD to work, and that was the CD player. I love music and cannot
stand silence. About my taste of music, well I think you would run away
after ten minutes. Because I ca listen to everything, meaning there are no
difficulties listening a song of Alice Cooper after Mozart. People with
affinities to music always look at me in horror and have instantly an
opinion of their own, which they fortunately keep for themselves out of
courtesy.

So there I was driving on a sunny September afternoon, hungry and tired of
hearing about IT on the way home reviewing what possible excuses I could
come up with this time. Funny how things can change... When I think about
my relationship with Chris, the first thing that crosses my mind is
respect. I can't remember ever being rude to him, somehow I grew to respect
him and accept everything he was saying. He was older, well two years
older, but still that meant a lot at that age. I remember receiving all his
support when arriving here. I really, really loved the guy, but lately he
was crossing the line quite often.

While parking, lost in my thought listening to George Michael's Outside I
totally forgot about what was going to happen. As if I had the time of the
world I locked the car and started walking towards the elevator. Only then
I remember about IT, Because I saw Chris standing there with his crossed
arms.

"It's about time. What's wrong with you?" he asked me quietly.

"Nothing! I am just... Well... I don't know..." suddenly I felt so stupid.

"You don't know what? I find this new state of yours unbearable!" Chris
told me locking the apartment door.

"What new state? Nothing changed!" I tried to argue.

"No Basti, everything's changed! You're so different!" Chris stepped close
to me and spoke the words very slowly.

"Don't do this to me! Please..." I begged in a whisper.

"You know I won't let you do this!" I tried to fight him, but he just shook
his head.

"Please Basti! We both know who is stronger. Don't force me to behave like
that. You are smart enough to think for yourself and fight back these
feelings." Suddenly I was speechless. This was something new. Chris never
threatened me before.

 "We both know this is not the life you deserve. We also know that there
are sacrifices in life that are necessary. Now I cannot look after you all
day long. You have to do your own work. It is getting ridiculous to sit
there with me in class. For Christ's sake Basti, you are a law student, you
hate biology! Are you willing to endure all of that? Are you that kind of
stubborn?" Chris was a great actor and he sure could convince me of
whatever point he was making. Strange as it was, this speech sounded too
dramatic, and I felt a sudden urge to laugh.

"This situation is absolutely ridiculous!" Chris turned and saw my huge
smile. He stopped for a second, completely in shock. He couldn't imagine
what was happening, and neither could I. It was one of those moments in
life I was talking about. It was that point where there's a decision
waiting to be made. I felt an inner voice telling me to object. It was a
voice I knew for ages, a tiny little voice, almost like a whisper. I
remember ignoring it, but now... Now it was different, it overtook the
control of my lips:

"No!" I mouthed still smiling.

"What is so funny?" Chris asked me, his cheeks in fiery red, his blue eyes
shooting arrows of ice.

"No!" I said barely audible.

"I beg your pardon?" Chris asked, almost loosing it.

"I said no! No! NO! NOOOOOO!" Chris's jaw almost hit the floor.

"No! I am NOT going to live the life you are dictating me! I have a life!
MY own! And I sure won't let anyone else tell me how to live it! I let
others give me orders for too long! I am sick and tired of it! I am going
to live my life the way I want!"

"But... Sebastian... you can NOT do THAT!" Chris answered almost
whispering.

"I can't do what? I can't look at a guy? Of course I can! And I will!
What's more, I am going to talk to guys! To THOSE guys! And I will date
guys! Guys like THAT! Know what else? I'm goanna sleep with guys like THAT!
I am going to scream like a slut, and I am going to enjoy every second of
it! I am going to live THAT life! I will be one of THEM! I will be like
THAT, and that will happen whether you want it or nor! There is NOTHING you
can do Chris, nothing! I wasted too much time doing nothing!  I wasted too
much of my life longing and fantasizing! And what were you doing in the
meantime? You were living your life! Your healthy little life. You were
dating, kissing, even fucking in the room next to mine. And what was I
doing? Listening to the normal ones and trying to fight back the evil in
me! Well take the news Chris: I'm through wasting my life. Never ever will
my ass be as attractive as now! Never ever will my lips be as red as now
and never ever will I be able to have multiple orgasms in one night."

I found myself with the hands raised to the heaven and Chris glued to the
fridge with widely opened eyes. For one moment everything froze. I think
none of us was capable to handle this situation. My arms dropped and I
looked into Chris's eyes.

"I still love you. And I'm still the same person." For some unknown reasons
for me I found that extremely cheap. In fact I couldn't even remember where
I took that from. Must have been some kind of a gay series I had been
reading during the past months.

With that I turned and slammed my door behind me, turned on my laptop, got
connected and googled three words: "search gay partner". For the next few
hours I eagerly filled in endless questionnaires and created profiles,
uploaded pictures etc. like this:

Nickname: newbie
My name: 20
My sex: Male
My sexual orientation: gay male
The color of my hair: dark brown
The color of my eyes: hazel
The color of my skin: olive
My height: 181 cm
My weight: 75 kg
Presently I'm: law student
My hobbies: reading, movies, tennis, you ;-)
That's what I am: Hey you, who are reading this. I am a 20 y/o guy... I
guess the picture and the description talk for themselves... 
I'm looking for: a nice guy. Actually for the love of his life. You should
be interesting, open, with a good sense of humor etc. I am kind of new so
please have patience with me. An answer is guaranteed. 

Submit!

With that I turned off the computer and lay back in my chair. I knew I've
come to a crossroad, and I had to make a decision. And again it had to be a
tough one. I think there is no need to tell you how I was feeling, since
each and every one of you already has felt, is feeling presently or will
feel like this in a certain moment of his life. A little voice inside of me
told me to choose and for the first time in my life I made a decision I
wanted to make. Again for the first time in my life I felt proud of making
this decision. This was my decision and it had to be taken to make only one
person happy: ME. At that time I couldn't care less what others were going
to say, hell I hadn't even thought about it when making the decision. Still
it felt like the most natural thing, and for the first time since a long
time I felt happy and balanced. I was like the little kid I used to be,
proud of doing something right.

To be continued

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Thanks for reading the text. Care to drop me a line? ;-)

Marcos ^Ö tulindobebito@yahoo.es