Date: Thu, 8 Nov 2012 02:39:14 -0000
From: David Spowart <davidspowart3@hotmail.com>
Subject: I Don't Know Who I Am

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"I don't know who I really am"

(Formally known as "Who am I")

Story by
David Spowart

The one thing in my life that has been constant is my Mother, but things
became complicated when she discovered she had kidney trouble, I obviously
loved my Mother so offered up one of my own, but she insisted other avenues
should be sought first, we were entered onto the register, so without my
mother knowing I myself went and got tested, shock... I was not a match,
why was I not a match.

Doctors told me there were countless reasons that I was not a match and it
does happen within families. My mother was an only child, I did not know my
father, he ran off when I was still a baby couldn't live up to his
responsibilities.

Hi my name is Jack Park, I am 22 years old, living in Boston with my Mother,
I attend M.I.T and have for two years, I am a wiz with computers, there
isn't a program I can't work or manipulate, I have been headhunted by
Microsoft, Samsung, and many others, but I have not decided what I want a
career in, yeah computers will play a huge part in my decision, but a part
of the machine, a cog, I want more than that, I see myself as a Bill Gates,
or Steve Jobs, not a clock payroll number.

Now my complication, my Mother, oh I should not grumble, but I do have a
high IQ so overthinking things has always played a huge part of my life,
yeah I do tend to over analyse things. But something was bugging me.

When I told my Mother that I was not a match, well I have learned to read
people, part of my over analysing nature, body language. When I first told
her the response was not one I was expecting, she had no surprise no shock,
she already knew I wasn't a match.

So thoughts from that day three weeks ago had my mind racing, how could she
know, then a thought hit me, am I adopted is that it, I am not a match
because Liz Park is not my real Mother, it initially shocked me, but I still
loved her, she raised me more or less single handed. So no difference to me
that I am adopted, but hey I am 22 she should have explained that to me by
now. So before I confront her I will ask for a DNA test at school, I have a
friend that deals with this sort of shit, so I will ask him, and besides, he
is my boyfriend, and has been for over a year. Jamie Ramsey, future surgeon,
but right now a lab rat.

"Hey Jamie" I said walking into the Lab, and kissing him on the cheek, "Hey
to you too" he replied with his brilliant white teeth smile. "Jack, I am
sorry man, but you are right, she has no familial connection to you" he
informed me, and to be honest I sort of worked it out, but nevertheless it
hurt to hear it.

"So you gonna talk to her" he asked, and at this moment I just need it to
sink in, I have the desire to find out my origin, you know why she adopted
me, does she know who my birth parents are, do I have brothers or sisters,
are my real grandparents alive, that sort of stuff.

"I need time to think babe" I replied. And I kissed him and left the lab, I
walked to the library and sat in a corner just thinking, I knew from
experience that this was the place to come sit and think, the peace and
quiet was deafening.

I need to talk to Mum, she is the one with the answers, and well I need
those answers. I arrived home a short while later and entered the living
room; mother was ill but not serious yet.

"Hey Mum, how you feeling" I asked, "Ohh, it's not so bad today honey" she
replied, as I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Mum I need to ask you some
things, are you up to it?" I asked, and she replied. "When you gave birth to
me, how was it, the birth I mean" I asked hoping she would come clean.

"Oh, you were not a difficult birth, only an hour of labour" she replied
keeping up the deception. "oh I am pleased you never had to suffer" I kept
up my questions, but not being obvious I was on a fishing trip. "You have
never caused me anything but joy, honey" she replied. "New York, it was New
York, my place of birth, right" I asked, and she started to get agitated.

"Why the sudden interest honey" she asked, concern written all over her
face, body language sending off all sorts of panic.

"Oh nothing, Jamie just asked where I was born and how my birth was, a class
he is doing are something" I could deceive just as well, her body language
somewhat sated.

"Okay, I am getting a bit tired honey, we can talk later if you want" she
responded, rolling over on the over-stuffed sofa and covering herself with a
small travel rug.

I left her and headed for my room, and sought out answers elsewhere, as I
said I am a computer wiz, and going through records even sealed ones has not
proved much of a challenge to me, I looked up the hall of records online for
New-York and went through births deaths and marriages. I could not find a
registration of my birth, no surprise since I believe I was adopted, but why
is she lying to me, we have never deceived each other as far as I know, I
mean I came out to her in highschool, so no secrets from my end.

I went in a different direction on my search, I looked for my mother's
medical records, and took a while but found them, date of birth social
security number all matched, I looked at around my date of birth, and yeah
Pregnant at the time I would have been carried by her, but then a bolt of
lightning hit me and hit me hard.

** Mrs Elisabeth Louise Park, Miscarriage on 17th March 1991, at 02:47am
NYUH**

My mind now went into overdrive, all questions and no answers, she
miscarried six months into her pregnancy. If she was pregnant why adopt, am
I adopted, fuck!!

I had to do some serious research, and I need to know who the fuck I really
am, I heard my mother shouting for me and ran downstairs, she had fallen and
was on the floor, she was crying in pain holding her back, her kidneys were
failing and I needed to get the hospital involved.

The ambulance arrived some twenty minutes later, my mother's face drained of
all colour, they masked her up and we headed to Boston General. An hour
later a Doctor came and told me her kidneys were shutting down, and that a
donor was needed and needed fast.

"Is she awake?" I asked. "She is but she is very tired" he replied.

I went ICU to talk to her, she needed to tell me some truths, she was dying
I needed to find some relatives who would match, her life depended on this.

"Hey Mum, how you feeling" I asked sitting next to her bed, "Doped up" she
replied with a smile. "Mum, I know, I know you are not my real Mum, but hey,
Iove you no matter okay" I started and the look in her eyes was one of
desperation. "What you talking about, I gave birth to you" she replied with
anger. "Mum, you miscarried, you are not my real mother, you are my mum, but
not in blood" I responded, trying to hold her hand.

"Who has filled your head with this nonsense, Jamie, It was wasn't it
Jamie?" she responded with more anger, her heart rate rising by the second.

"Mum you need to calm down" I insisted, "I am your mother, right I will hear
no more of this, you hear, I gave birth to you" she said, calming down, I
did not push.

Her stubbornness was overwhelming she would rather stick to her lie and die,
than tell the truth and possibly live.

My mother died the following day, and I was devastated, Jamie was a rock to
me, he held me up so I would not fall, he was strong when I had no strength,
I still had a million questions but the means to find the answers had died,
and besides I don't think she would have yielded anything I would have been
satisfied with.

After the funeral service, I had the task of sorting Mum's stuff out, old
letters insurance policies, deeds to the house that sort of stuff, Jamie
helped with this hard task, I mean going through your deceased mother's
stuff at 22, should never happen, but life sometimes sucks.

Two days into sorting stuff to be tipped and stuff to go to charity we
headed for the attic, we went through a lot of stuff, old winter things of
mine and mum's from by gone years, she couldn't part with anything. She was
a hoarder not extreme but a hoarder nonetheless.

Jamie found a trunk, and we opened it, and found all my baby stuff, my
booties my bibs, it brought a smile to my face and to Jamie's we found all
sorts of papers, some irrelevant, I could not find my birth certificate.

Just another mystery.

"Hey what's this?" asked Jamie holding up a hospital wrist band for an
infant. I reached out and read the label, still clear as the day it had been
written.

** Blain Martin St-Patrick born June 21st 1991 boy NYUH**

Jamie stared at me in shock, my jaw had dropped I was stunned, I had no
words for what was going through my head, she couldn't have, no she was not
capable of such a horrible act, she... No she couldn't...could she?

"I need my laptop" I said to Jamie and we left the attic with wrist band in
tow, I went straight to my room and fired up my laptop. I went straight to
public archives and searched the dates around Blain's birth date, "Please be
wrong please be wrong" I whispered out and Jamie holding  my arm as the
screen loaded up with a headline reading.

**Baby Taken from NYUH**

"She stole me, her baby died and she stole me" I whimpered out. "Jack you
need to speak to someone, your mother is dead, she won't be harmed in this
now, you want answers, now you have a place to start" Jamie responded, again
being the strong one, as all my strength had deserted me.

I have over the past few weeks, lost my Mother discovered I may have been
adopted, and now discovered I had actually been kidnapped, so much to deal
with, I am mourning the death of the woman that raised me, I cannot hate
her, she raised me with strong morals and values, but I still have to face
the facts, she stole me, I have to inform the relevant people, and discover
who I really am.

Blain Martin St-Patrick born 21st June 1991, my birth date was wrong, I have
celebrated my birthday on the 16th June, and not the 21st I need to find my
true family, they had lost a child through a woman who obviously suffered
some sort of breakdown after miscarrying her own infant, but she stole me, I
need to mind the St-Patrick's.

After a few days of research I discovered the family I had been denied, Mary
St-Patrick was married and had 3 children, one missing, she was still
married to Roy, and had two kids living at home, one in College in New-York
and one attending Julliard. The days of social media turned up most of the
information I needed especially if you know how and where to look. They
looked happy; the photos were of a happy unit, missing of course was me.

I found the address, but thought better to call first, and lay some ground
work, I did not want to give them a heart attack. I found Mary's phone
number with a little digging, as I said computer wiz, and if you know where
and how, you can find just about anything.

My heart was racing as I began to dial the number, Jamie sitting at the
kitchen table with me, the phone began to ring, when a voice answered
"Hello St-Patrick's home" a young man's voice replied.

"Can I speak to Mary please" I asked, my voice was shaking.

"Can I ask who is calling?" he asked, and very good question, I had to
think.

"Hello, who shall I say is calling?" he repeated.

"Tell her it's Jack Park, she doesn't know me" I replied.

"Just a sec, I will get her...MOM, a call for you" he yelled, and I heard a
woman's voice coming towards the phone, my Mother's voice.

"Who is it" I heard her ask her son, my brother. "Someone called Jack Park"
he replied.

"Hello, Mary St-Patrick" she introduced.

"Ermm hello, Mrs St-Patrick, ...sorry I don't know where to start" I
started.

"What is it concerning" she asked.

"Blain" I replied, and the anger from her response was shocking, she got the
wrong idea of the call and obvious I am not the first one who has called out
of the blue like this.

"Oh crackpot season is here again, Blain was stolen from us the day he was
born, you going to tell me you know where he is, do you know how many calls
I have had in 22 years, I know every one, you my deluded friend are number
298, hasn't my family suffered enough" and she slammed the phone down.

I sat there stunned and devoid of what to do next. "She has been hurt so
much, and my mum did that" I cried out, and my phone rang.

"Hello" I asked
"Sorry, I may as well get what you have to tell me, you spotted my baby and
you think there is a reward for him yes?" she asked.

"No you have it all wrong, look I think I am Blain" I blurted out.

"Look this is evil, how could you do this" she cried.

"Blain Martin St-Patrick born 21st June 1991 NYUH serial number NY21342AX" I
responded.

"Oh my god, oh my god" she screamed out, "Roy...ROY" she yelled, and began
to cry
"Blain, Blain is calling us, he found us, Roy it's Blain, he has the wrist
band, he has his birth wrist band, he read out the serial number to me, Roy
it's my baby" she babbled out, almost incoherent.

"Hello" a man's voice began to talk, and Mary crying on the other end of the
call.

"Is she okay" I asked. "Shocked, and why wouldn't she be" he asked, "Look I
am sorry, but I only recently discovered all of this, three days ago I was
mourning the loss of my mother, I thought I was adopted a week earlier, as
she had kidney trouble, and I was not a match, and my brain went into
overdrive, and when my boyfriend and I searched the attic I discovered the
wristband, and well this is where we are" I informed him, realising I had
come out to my dad.

"What did she call you" he asked, "Jack...Jack Park" I replied. "Okay Jack
where are you right now" he asked, "Boston, Sir" I replied.

"Do you go to school, are you in college?" he asked, "2nd Year at M.I.T" I
replied. "How where you treat" he asked, "Sir, she raised me well, I have no
complaints, she was a good mother" I responded.

"Jack, oh my god, I cannot believe I am talking to my son" Roy replied,
obvious tears where in his eyes as well as Marys.

"Dad" I said not really comprehending what I had just said. "Sorry, Mr.
St-Patrick" I corrected. "Jack, please don't apologise call me dad, as I am
indeed your dad" he sobbed out.

"Dad, is it okay to come and see you and Mary, I am having difficulty
comprehending her as my Mother, I never had a dad, so that for you is easy,
so give me some time okay" I asked and informed.

"First off, of Course you can come and see us, we would die to see our son,
I only saw you for 5 minutes before you were snatched, sorry Jack I don't
want to speak ill of the person who raised you but she took from us...you
understand don't you" he replied, "Yes dad, I understand" I replied.

"So when are you coming to see us" Roy asked.

"Well since Newark is reopening today, how about Tomorrow" I asked, "Yeah
sure, Sandy hit the area pretty hard, but we escaped serious damage, Bring
your partner with you, we would love to meet him" he added.

"Thank you, he would love to" I replied.

"Jack, we have thought and prayed every day for your safe return and now we
know that prayer has been answered" Roy added.

"Tomorrow dad" I replied and hung up the phone. Tears now falling freely.

"Jamie take me to bed and hold me, I need to be held" I said sobbing into
his shoulder, with the realisation that over the past 22 years I had been
living a bereaved woman's fantasy, she believed she carried her baby to
term, and brought me up, her husband obviously was not prepared to go along
with this deception, walked out, never informing the authorities.

Tomorrow I am flying to be reunited with the family I had been denied, a
family I craved, I have a brother and a sister, I am looking forward and not
back. The questions I had are now being answered and by my parents, tomorrow
I will find out my history the family history, who my parents were and are,
I will find out who I am, the main question buzzing over the past month was
who am I , tomorrow that question will have an answer.


May be Continued at a later date...

Hey guys, this idea came to me lastnight and thought I would write a premise
to a story, if I get a good response like I had with most of my stories I
may continue it, I like the idea of reconnections so I would like to extend
this at some point. As always with comments davidspowart3@hotmail.com

David