Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2000 23:20:35 EDT From: SLK2308888@aol.com Subject: I Wanna Be With You (College Version) Ch.4 General Announcements~ Hey everyone, thanks to all those who emailed me begging for more. I have big plans for this story so don't worry it's not going anywhere soon. I wanna say my HEY YOU's to all the cool peeps out there, you know who you are. This story is entirely fictional, the characters represented in the story are merely fictitious ones, who have been influenced by people that I know or experiences I've had. If you're under 18 or 21 in some states, you shouldn't be here (SCRAM before I tell your mommy! lol) If your 18 and older (cute and funny, email me! lol) go ahead and read! Enjoy the story! Any questions/comment/suggestions can be sent to SLK2308888@aol.com with the subject heading of ~I Wanna Be With You~. Stick a fork in me . . . Cause I am DONE! = )~ ------------------- I Wanna Be With You By Rick ------------------- Chapter 4: What Lies Beneath . . .. The next week went by like a flash; so far I had spent every spare moment I had with Jase. So we didn't do the whole "male bonding" thing in terms of sports, chicks and cars, but it was surprisingly a welcome change of pace. Where I would've talked about rims and sound systems to my buddies, it was more of a philosophical and ideological meeting of the minds. I thought harder, analyzed deeper, laughed louder and talked more then I had ever had with anyone else. He had opened up this new part of me that had been hidden in the dark recesses of my heart under lock and key. Yet, he easily crept through my safeguards and manipulated me into divulging myself, a very lofty feat I must say. The distance between my friends and myself was encroaching to epic proportions, while I found myself drawing nearer and nearer to him. His self-sureness, while being extremely modest was just plain annoying; he could be so downright self-righteous that it would pierce through my thick skin of mouthy comebacks and sarcastically laced remarks. Just being laid out in all my glory for him to dissect was scary; without my weapons of cynicism and wit, he could see the little boy inside, waiting, yearning to be loved. In the past I had only opened up myself to the scrutiny of others with just one person, and I knew that Jessica could be counted on. Our sarcastic belief in best friends was that they could be your best friend AND your worst enemy. Forever holding trump cards against the other, we were masters of each other's secrets. For example, she wasn't really a virgin even though she still maintained "innocence" while I still was a virgin, although I never really denied it to anyone who had asked. Yet Jase deftly and assuredly sliced me open just as I had opened up my cat in my anatomy class. Appropriately named "Catdaver" I remember all the gory and not so gory details of dissection. I imagined Jase doing the same with me, slowly peeling back the layers of protective covering and defensive attitude to all things related to me. With all this removed, one could see the wonders of life, the very essence and workings of our evolutionary past and present. Jase, with all his unknowing power over me would rummage through my insides; poking and prodding his way through my feelings and my past. He annoyingly seemed to be my doppelganger, even the same need for caffeine fixes at Starbucks. At night I would stay up with my usual insomniac tendencies and wonder why God placed people where they are and who they're with. For all my charm and flare, I was suddenly spending my nights IN, watching movies with him or going to some symposium when I should have been getting my damn groove thing on with some chicks and tequila shooters in my gut! Yet every time he'd call I found myself getting almost giddy. His cool, laid back voice would simply say "Hey you," and I found myself grinning from ear to ear. Thus a canceled shopping date with Jess, a forgotten frat party or two and here I am, volleying ideas about Sartre and Mahatmas Ghandi with him like old pros. I could see my schoolwork was hurting too, no longer did I absolutely have to know the Superclass Cephalospidomorphi down to the minutest detail. Yet I was happy, annoyingly and sickeningly happy the way you see people in movies when they're in love and you think to yourself "Ya right," it just makes you want to puke, it's so sick and lovey-dovey. Yet I couldn't just spit out the words. I couldn't after all these years, after all these girls, how could I be . . . you know . . . that "G" word. I mean what had changed in my life that would make me change so drastically. It wasn't as if I woke up yesterday and just decided I'd like to play for the other side. I certainly had my opportunities before; I told you I had a hot body didn't I? But I never found interest in those football and baseball jocks, swimmers and surfers who had come my way. However, I was moved by more than lust, the core of his being that radiates around him, the way he treated others, his very ideas about the purpose of life, God, and the pursuit of happiness. He could probably become the next President with all his charms and endearing personality. Then we'd actually have a President that'd do something right for a change . . . but we won't get into that. So here I am, in some obscure corner of the library, desperately trying to be "hidden" from him. I had left all traces of communication at home and was determined to get my class work in check. As derivatives and limits danced in my head, converting into a complicated mass of notations, equations and numbers, I hear someone hoarsely whisper. "Hey you." Without looking or thinking, my lips began twitching into a smile. Oh this guy was good . . . he was very good. "Hey what are you doing here?" I whispered back, somehow not that surprised to find him here. "I was studying, I'm so behind right now," he said with a smirk, while easing himself to the seat in front of me. "I know! I've spent more time at your apartment then I did in mine." I pointed out with amusement. "Dude, I'm not holding you back am I?" he asked, his smile dropping just enough to see he was genuinely worried. "I can take care of myself, don't worry about it," I remind him. "All right, I won't." he states wolfishly, grinning wickedly. "Bastard! Thanks for caring," I sarcastically remark. His facial expression changes, showing concern. "You know I care about you right?" he asks hesitantly, putting his hand over mine. The sudden feel of skin touching skin slowly crawled up my arm, giving me those damn warm fuzzy feelings. I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks. Goodness why the hell am I blushing just because he's holding my hand? That was one thing with Jase I found a little bit peculiar; no matter how close we got as friends or whatever it was this game of cat and mouse we were playing, he always kept a polite distance and displays of affection to the bare minimum. Maybe it was his fear that I would think he was going to make a move on me that made him do it. But sometimes, while lying in bed with nothing to do, I'd wish that he'd just go ahead and do it. Would one kiss break this spell he had over me? I just felt as if fate was forever tormenting me; of all the people to fall for, it had to be with someone I could never have. Yet I wondered how it would feel to run my hands through his hair, hold him while he was sleeping, or caress the softness of his cheek, but it was just . . . it was just not meant to be. He was who he was and I was . . . well I was . . . confused! I don't know how I felt. He made me feel like I didn't have control over my emotions and I didn't like it! And it wasn't as if I suddenly found men attractive now either, or girls for that matter. I had just simply stopped caring what was out there. If only we lived in a sociably accepting society, if only I wasn't brought up with the cultural taboos and stereotypes of homosexuals, if only . . . if only Jase was a woman with tits and ass, I don't know, I just wish things were different, or at the very least I'd had never met him. But just thinking about that made me noxious, I actually felt sick to my stomach, as if I'd been sucker-punched and all I could do was just collapse to the floor, croaking for a bit of air. I've known him for a week and he was all I could think about. I must be going out of my mind! That was the only way I could explain it. I had plans! Plans that didn't include . . . him. My heart could not be trusted under this dire situation. Somehow my mind had to find some little crevice to pry away at until I had revealed him for who he was . . . a no one. A nothing, someone who wasn't important enough to make me feel the way I felt. Oh the torment of it all! I looked into his eyes. BIG mistake! I not only fell into them; I was drowning in the abyss of his electrifying magnetic stare. My breathing stilled, my heart ceased to beat for fear that the moment would fade away. It was if we were in a vacuum, where the world and its problems ceased to exist. A place where perfect moments really can happen and aren't spoiled by the erosion and dilution of the real world. Yet I knew in my mind that there was no such place. We had to live in the real world and live and die by all the real world rules. My hand clenched, Jase swiftly moved his hand away and looked down at the table as if in shame. Our perfect moment faded as quickly as it had come. This utopist and euphoric state quickly began to crumble. Time could not stand still for the pinning of two lonely hearts. In the time it took for a hummingbird to beat its wing, what had just evolved between us quickly reverted back to Cro-Magnon times. All I had left was to club him over the head and take him back to my pad/cave. I mentally shook myself from my musings; I so did not have time for this. "Sorry," I fumble with my apology. "It's OK," he sighed, telling me things weren't. WARNING! WARNING! Awkward moment! He said nothing. I said nothing. Seconds or minutes excruciatingly past by, leaving a heady tension between us. It was so thick you couldn't even cut it with a knife, I needed an axe or machete to get me out of this. "Jase . . ." I finally said. Jase looked up at me, wondering or worrying what I was about to say. ". . . let's get out of here." We slowly packed up our things, him wondering what was up, me pretty much doing the same. I had pretty much reasoned that if I wanted to end this perverse fascination with him, I'd have to make the first move. The problem is was that I hadn't the faintest clue what the first move was. I just knew I was moved by a force to end this vicious cycle of cat and mouse before I was the one who got caught up in it. "Drive" I practically commanded, throwing my keys to him. He complied without a word and we sped off into the sunset. To Be Continued???? Hope you guys like it, send me some email at SLK2308888@aol.com with the subject heading of ~I Wanna Be With You~.