Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:45:34 +0100
From: dino alpacino <dinoalpacino@gmail.com>
Subject: In the still of the night-Hiatus

We spent the rest of the weekend in his bed. We only broke the warm embrace
of each others arms to have brunch with his parents. Apparently Sunday
brunch was not to be treated lightly. It took three hours and a lot of
creativity covering up the true nature of our relationship. We were both
ideal boys and not suspect to what they would've thought of as "unnatural".
But still I had the impression Svetlana Burke saw more than she led on.

Thank God she had personnel to change the sheets.

The following weeks went by quickly. I focused on my academics, which were
becoming more interesting every day, my athletics which became more
challenging every training and Thom whenever I could. We tried to find
enough time for each other but made no promises we couldn't hold. In
between classes and training there was a social life to enjoy. Neither of
us were prepared to give that up. These were the years we had no
restrictions and hardly any commitments. So we enjoyed ourselves to the
fullest. As I became more at ease with what I considered to be sexual
preference, I noticed that more people than I thought desired me. I enjoyed
the attentions and casual flirting of girls in my classes and reciprocated
in a playful manner. It had little to do with keeping up a facade as Edward
snidely remarked, but more with building confidence. There was not a hair
on my head that considered my affair with Thomas proof of effeminacy.  But
still the notion of homosexuality had a ring to it that I needed to
counter. It seems ridiculous but sometimes I felt like those girls affirmed
my masculinity. There was no one to talk this over with. I didn't want to
Thom to know I wasn't a hundred percent at ease with this. Edward wasn't an
option; he considered insecurity as surrender to conformity. Beau and I
knew of each other but didn't discuss it. And Calvin was Thom's best
friend. So that was it. These were the only four guys I knew of. And though
with each of them I shared a certain degree of intimacy, I didn't feel like
this was an issue that could be discussed.

But don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself. The play in Boston, my first
competition race, Thanksgiving (which I spent in Newbourn). All these
events passed by in the exciting blur of freshman year.

We broke for two weeks of Winter Break, starting December 22. It gave all
of us enough time to get home for Christmas. I had planned to spend a few
days in Chicago and see how things were at home. I had no desire to stay
any longer than required to please my mother. The second week of Winter
Break meant cramming for the completion of my first term courses. And
though many students spent the entire two weeks at home, I had planned to
return to school. The campus would be relatively quiet and I could join a
few study groups. And Thom would be back on campus after the 27th.


---Note from the author: Dear and devoted readers, I have taken this hiatus
as an opportunity to give the story a little rest. The journal becomes a
bit more chaotic starting 1937 and I needed to find a way to pour it into a
more consistent form. But don't despair, more is coming soon. Just give me
some time. To conclude this first part of the story I give you an extract
from Dylan's journal.---


December 25th 1944

For the first time in two years, I had some sort of Christmas. No turkey ,
but we're on rations. Mother Bertha made due, never had beef jerky and spam
that good!!! Irene gave me a scarf. It itches. She said something about
never looking into the mouth of a horse... Strange girl, but sweet. I miss
home. And Thom. Still thinking about him, though I should know better.
Masochism maybe, but I can't bring myself to throw the picture away. It's
still in my breast pocket.  Last night more flying bombs hit Antwerp. One
was pretty close to our house.