Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 22:19:01 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Jamey is Gay, Ch. 9

This is a work of pure fiction, , but based on the author's feelings,
beliefs, and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it might
not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times
between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If you
are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind
if story, shame on you for reading it - -  please stop here.  If not, - -
ENJOY!



Cast of Characters:

James Thomas Arthur (Jamey)

Harold Brian Arthur -- Jamey's Brother (Habby)

Harold Garfield Arthur -- Jamey's dad

William Pitts -- Roommate (Will)

Ronny -- Will's best friend.

George Wiggins

Darrel -- George's roommate

Dr. Steve Jordan - Doctor

From Chapter 8:

As he dropped me off, I said, "Steve -- do you think you'll hear
anything about the funeral? From Will's mom's actions there at the
hospital, I doubt she will want me there."

"You need to go -- regardless!  If she recognizes you -- too bad.  Just
hang back and respect her space and - - maybe she'll respect yours.
I'm not usually privy to funeral arrangements after the body is taken to
the morgue, but if I hear anything, I'll tell you for sure.  I'll see
what I can do."

"Thanks!  And - - omigosh, how can I think you enough for what you have
done for me since -- since -- the other night.  Thanks!"

"We'll be in touch!"  he said and he sped off.

Chapter 9

I stood and watched as the rear of his Mercedes got smaller and smaller
and finally turned where I could no longer follow it.  I looked around
the campus near the dorm.  Not a soul was stirring.  It wasn't that
early, but it WAS Sunday.  Last night's wind had blown in an overcast
sky.  Everything looked grey.  I sighed and walked up the steps into the
main entry.

There was soft music playing as I walked in.  I never had heard it
before, but it had never been this quiet before.  As I was unlocking my
room door, John from across the hall came out his door.  "Hey!"  he
said in a loud whisper.  "I heard about your roommate.  Unreal!"

"Yeah."  I agreed.  John was about 5'-10" tall, and maybe 200
pounds.  Pretty hefty, but looked like a wrestler or something.  He had a
kind of cute baby face with blond hair.

"Were you very close to him?  I had no idea he was gay!  Boy, he kept
that under covers.  Did you know?"  He said smiling.  John had no way of
knowing how close we were.  I tried to be non-committal.

"I was his roommate the past few months.  Of course I knew.  And --
yeah, I was pretty close -- er --knew him pretty well."

"God, I'm sorry Dude!  That's gotta be a shock and a half!  I mean --
you know?  I got nothing' against gays, but -- it woulda made me nervous
to be his room mate.  Gotta hand it to yah!"

I considered it for a long moment.  Then I said, "I'm gay, John."

"Oh!  Geez!  Didn't see that one coming."

"If you knew me better, you would have."

"Um -- yeah!  Hey!  Maybe we should get together sometime and discuss it
further.  Um -- well -- I gotta go -- Mom's expecting me for brunch.
Gotta go all the way to Paramount."

"Really?"  I said.  "I'm from Bellflower!"

"No duh?  Now I know we need to talk.  See yah! "

"See yah."  I watched him walk away down the hall to the main room and
as he turned the corner, I turned the key in my lock.  I closed my eyes
and pushed the door slowly open.  I walked in with my eyes closed.  I
didn't need them open.  I knew where I was going.  I sat down on his
bed.  I put my face in my hands and opened my eyes.  I lifted my head.

The room looked exactly as I had left it last night - - of course.  There
was his pillow that I had cried in last night.  I felt it.  It was dry. I
brought it up to my face.  Feelings flooded over me as I smelled his
familiar smell again.  I closed my eyes and breathed it in deeply.  I
kicked off my shoes and fell on to my back and covered my face with the
pillow, still breathing deeply.

I got up and carefully pulled back the covers.  I put my face on the
middle of the bed and inhaled through my nose again.  His heady, sexy
smell was all over the sheets, but here in the middle, it was the
strongest.  The last time he was here, we had - -

I started to sob again.  I got up, ran out the door  in my socks,
slamming the door and ran out the main door and out under a tree.  I
collapsed onto my knees on the soft cold grass.  In a fetal position, I
cried and cried -- for about ten minutes.   I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry we didn't get here sooner, Jamey."  My dad's voice said.
"I didn't want to wake you if you had gotten to sleep last night."  He
assisted me in getting to my feet.  Habby was with him, looking crushed
to see me in this condition.  He looked at me as if he wanted to cry too,
but didn't.  He shrugged his shoulders.  I beckoned for him.  He ran to
me and threw himself into my embrace.  Then he started to ball.

"Let's go in."  Dad said.

I let him lead me back to the room.  As soon as the door was open, and I
saw the sheets all stripped down low, I stepped quickly to the bed and
pulled them up and put the pillow back in it's place.

"You guys traded beds?  You were in that one weren't you?"  Habby
said.  I was stunned.  My bed was made and obviously not slept in.

"Lets get these sheets and stuff outa here!"  Dad said, understanding
exactly what was happening.

"NO!"  I commanded.  "I mean -- not yet, dad.  I'm not ready to -- to
-- to -- let them -- go.  But -- but -- it's good that you're here.  I
couldn't bear to come back in here this morning.  I - "

"This morning?"  Habby said.  "Didn't you stay here last night?"

"I -- er -- um -- I mean -- Will's doctor let me stay with him last
night -- at his house."

"Oh."  He said, seemingly accepting it on the surface.

"This doctor must be some nice guy!"  Dad said.

"He's never done that before."  I said.  "He said he was worried
about me.  I was supposed to come back last night -- after he got off
work.  But I fell asleep with the patio door open and got a minor case of
hypothermia.  He refused to bring me home.  He kept me there and got me
warm."

"He got you warm?"  Habby grinned.

"Habby!"  dad warned.   "So -- you're okay this morning?"  Dad said.

"I guess that's relative -- seeing as how you found me when you
arrived."  I said with a humorless chuckle.  "Yeah, I'm okay that
way.  He fed me breakfast and then brought me home.  I came back in
earlier, but I just couldn't do it alone.  Where's Darrel?  Or was it
George?"

"What?  Darrel?  George?"  He queried.

"I thought one of them was gonna help bring the car back."

"Oh!  No.  We couldn't figure a way to get all the cars here, so I
decided to just drive down with Habby and we'll go home on the bus."

"Oh Crap!  Dad!"

"We'll be fine!  Hab's never been on a Greyhound."

"Not an experience that's exactly exciting!"  I said .  "And - - Mom
might worry -- KIDDING!"

"Good!  So -- It's Sunday!  Anywhere we can go?"

"Not in my little car!"  I said.

"Oh!  I hadn't thought about that!"  Dad said, embarrassed.  Habby
looked disgusted.

My phone vibrated.  I looked at the caller I.D.  No one I recognized.
"Hello?"

"Is this James?"  said a woman's voice.

"It is."  I said.

"Doctor Jordan said you were a good friend of William's."  She said
tersely.

"Who's this?"

"This is William's mother.  We met in the hospital."

"Oh!"  I was completely taken aback.  My knees started to buckle.

"Dr. Jordan personally called to tell me that you deserve to be a pall
bearer.  That William would want it that way.  I just don't know what to
think, James, considering your relationship and all with William.  But
you don't need this right now -- and truthfully -- neither do I.  Will
you consent to honor my son with your presence at the funeral Friday
morning -- and help carry his remains to their final resting place?"

My heart was so full of so many things, I could hardly breath -- let
alone speak.  I started to try to talk.  I choked.  In a raspy hoarse
voice, I said, "Of course.  Where will it be?"

"Dr. Jordan has taken a personal interest in this -- for some reason --
and I am grateful to him for it.  But anyway, he said he will inform you
of whatever you need to know.  Thank you for -- for -- thank you!"

She hung up.  I again was stunned.  I again collapsed on Will's bed.
"Jamey?  What just happened?"  Said Dad.

By this time I was choking I was crying so hard.  "N -- n -- n --
nothing sh -- sh -- short of a mir -- mir -- miracle!"  I sputtered.
"Oh Dad!  I just don't know what to say about St -- St -- Steve."  I
got a little calmed down and was able to explain the phone call.

"Sounds like you owe him - - a lot!"  Dad said.  "You better call him
-- now -- and thank him.  Sounds like he's been a busy boy this
morning."

I sat up.  I tried to breath deeply and choked some more.  Tears were
still coursing down my face.  I inhaled several times as deeply as I
could and coughed hard.  Then I found Steve's card -- still on Wills
bedside table.

"Steve?  Omigod!  What can I say to you?  There are no words that can
tell you - "  I had to stop to choke on some more tears and cough some
more.  "I just don't know!  Why are you such -- such -- Just  a
minute!"  I grabbed a Kleenex and blew my nose -- to clear my nose -- to
clear my head -- to clear my brain.  I again breathed deep and said, very
controlled, "Thank you sooooooo much!  Is there anything I can do to
ever pay you back for your -- your -- kindness and - "  I broke down
again.

He said softly, "You already have, Jamey.  You don't know what you've
done for me already.  Even your call right now would be enough -- but you
have done so much more!  Is your father there now?"



"Yes.  And my brother too."

"What do you have planned for today?"

"We were just discussing that when Will's mother called."

"Can -- can I intrude a little in your family time and take you all out
to lunch?  What time were you planning on eating?"


"Just a minute.'  I pushed the mute on the phone.  "Dad he wants to
take us out to lunch."

"ALL RIGHT!"  Said Habby.  Dad shook his head.

"If you are okay with it -- I see no problem?"  Dad said.

"Steve, you've done so much already - "

"And I have gotten so much value from what I've -- WE -- have done.
Can we do this, this afternoon?  I know a great seafood place -- with a
very nice patio.  And it looks as though the sun will be giving us a
visit this afternoon!  What're you doing this morning until lunch?"

"Probably just hanging out here for awhile."  I said.  We really
didn't have too much choice with our car situation.

"You really ought to go down to the beach!  It's cool but in the fall,
- if the sun's up -- it's pretty nice.  You gat a clear view of the
islands -- because there is very little haze after summer."

"We - we're kind of stuck here, Steve.  It's okay."

"Stuck?  Why?"

DAMN!  I didn't want to tell him this!

"MY Z isn't big enough for all three of us."

"You have a Z?"  He said enthusiastically?  What year?"

I honestly could not think straight enough to think of the year!  "2000
-- I think.  But it's like new!"

"I've been THINKING of buying one!  Can I borrow it for a spin -- say
for a couple hours?  I'd be very careful!"

"Of course but - "

That way, you can use my car while I am test driving your's.  Is it a
convertible?

"No."

"Perfect.  I don't like all the noise.  Would that work for you guys?"

"As usual, I seem to be getting the better deal here!"  I said, knowing
exactly what he was doing.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes!"  he said.

I told my dad his plan.  He was pleased until Steve got there and we
walked out to the car.  "Dad this is Steve -- DOCTOR Steve -- Jordan.
Steve, this is my dad, Harold Arthur.

"Thank you so much for looking out after my son, Doctor."

"It has been my pleasure for sure, Harold.  And please call me Steve!  I
have learned a lot from Jamey.  Your son seems to have picked up a lot in
his short years."   Then we got to his car, and dad saw what we would be
driving,

"Now wait a minute!"  Dad said.  "When Jamey told me we would be
trading cars, I am afraid I wasn't expecting anything like this.  I hate
to embarrass anyone, but this is a $67 - 70,000 car.  I can't be
responsible for that.  And I would be the responsible adult here."  Dad
didn't leave any room for argument."

Steve picked up on his concern immediately.  "Okay, I guess I have a
confession to make here.  I have no interest in driving a `Z'!  I was
going to suggest this to begin with, but I didn't want to intrude on
your family time.  Would you be amenable to letting me be your chauffer
for the day?  I'd be honored if you would."

"Thank you, Steve!  You're very kind."  Dad said.  "You must have
many things you could be doing."

"I'm almost embarrassed to tell you - - I don't.  I've been telling
Jamey how most of my time has been consumed by my education, my
internship and my residency.  I have reached a point in my residency
where I have a little free time for the first time in about 15 years and
I don't know what to do with it!  So if it would please you -- it damn
sure would please ME to intrude on your family time for this few hours."

"I wonder if you shouldn't have been a lawyer!"  Dad joked.

"You're very kind sir."

"I'm sure I am not more than 5 to ten years older than you, Steve.
Please call ME Hal."

"Thank you Hal!  Shall we go to the beach?"

"What's at the beach this time of year?"  Habby asked.

"I think you'll like it a lot -- Habby is it?"  Habby beamed.  "The
sand, on a day like this, is warm on the top -- from the sun -- and cold
beneath.  It feels good on your feet."

We all got into his car and he drove us to a nearby beach.  We got out,
removed our shoes and socks and walked down the beach.  It was pretty
quiet at first, but Steve broke the silence.  "How was it going in to
your place this morning, Jame?"

"I couldn't stay there.  Too intense, I guess.  I don't know what I
would have done if you hadn't been there to help me."

"You would have been okay."  Steve said.  "I dunno.  I guess things
just happened to line up right.  I've never done this kind of thing
before.  Never had time before!  It's pretty pathetic.  Now that I have
some time, I don't have anything exciting to do."

"Maybe there's a good reason -- that you were free right now!"  Habby
said.  I looked at Dad and he was scowling.  I could tell that maybe
Habby was gonna have a "talk with the old man" later on.

I was also a little embarrassed by the obvious implication.  But Habby is
only 15.  I know Dad realizes that too.  Then Steve said,

"That's the only explanation I can think of, Habby.  I don't know if
God brought us together, but for whatever reason, we both needed
something -- and that something was provided -- in each other."

My mind was going wild.  What was Steve saying?  Am I crazy or is he
actually -

"I mean obviously, Jamey needed someone to comfort him, Habby."  Steve
was obviously not only talking to Habby!  "But I was feeling like I
needed something at the same time.  I needed someone to talk to.  I
didn't grow up here, or go to this University, so I don't know many
people.  And Jamey seemed to have something I needed.  I mean, I'm in a
position to help people every day.  So -- it wasn't a need to serve or
anything. But for some reason, we just hit it off.  I don't know if you
can understand - "

"Oh, I understand okay!"  Habby said.  "Last year, I met this kid.  He
was always around, but I didn't know him well.  But we were just kinda
left together for an afternoon in study hall.  We really shared a lot of
ourselves with each other.  Yeah!  That's what Mr. Hannah woulda said.
Mr. Hannah is my psychology teacher.  Anyway, we didn't get any studying
done -- and I still see him all the time, but we hardly ever talk and
never hang out together.  We just both needed something that one day in
study hall."

"It could be like that."  Steve said.

"I think that people are put in our lives often to teach us
something."  Said Dad.  "And sometimes it is -- like you were saying --
for comfort.  Whether you call it God or `the force' or whatever, it
seems to me to be too orchestrated to always be coincidence.

"Do you think God put Will in my life -- to teach me something?"  I
asked.  "And if so, why take him away so quickly?  Isn't it
interesting?  Will gets killed, but he's not the one who suffers because
of it."

"Interesting?"  Habby repeated.  "Is that what it is to you?"

I could feel dad's disgust and sorrow over Habby's apparent
tactlessness.  I wanted to save Habby though.  His questions are good.
Dad would not say anything because Steve was there.  So I answered Habby.

"Hab, of course it's much more than interesting to me.  It's - "  I
stopped walking and started to hyperventilate to keep from crying again.
It didn't work.  I continued anyway, crying as I said, "Habby, I love
you so much!  I really love that you ask the questions that I am afraid
to ask myself.  It's interesting and it hurts -- probably more than
anything has ever hurt me.  You were too young when Mom died, and you
don't remember how often and how long you cried and missed her.  I
remember it.  I picked up on something Dad said, and -- for me -- I coped
with it by bringing her back -- in my fantasy.

"Now the fantasy is gone, Hab.  In a few days -- I've lost both Mom --
again -- and Will."  I had to stop talking.  Habby started to cry too,
and that was too much for me.  I pulled him into a warm hug.  We are the
same height, so our heads fit neatly into each other's necks.

The beach was nearly deserted.  I felt tears from us both land on my
feet.  "Why!"  Habby said.  "Why do people have to get hurt?  Why?"
He sobbed.  I patted him on the back.  He reciprocated.  I have no idea
what Dad and Steve were doing or how they were reacting.  I was in the
moment with my little brother!

"I don't know if there is an answer for it, Hab."  I said.  "But it
surely has shown me how much my little brother loves me!  And I love you
too, Hab!  Sooooo much!"

Dad interjected, "So -- will you need someone here on Friday, Jamey?  I
could probably get it off, but - "

"I think I'll be okay -- really."  I said.

"Hey!"  Habby said.  Friday is a prep day for the teachers.  I have it
off!  Can I come and stay with you Thursday night?"

He looked at dad also for approval.  Dad looked disapproving at first.
"I don't know - "  He said.

"Oh PLEASE, Dad!"  I whined.  "I'd really like that!"

"How would he get here?" Dad said.

"He could take the bus!"  I said.  "That is if Mom wouldn't worry too
much!"  I added winking at Habby.  "Then I could bring him home on
Saturday -- sometime!" He winked back at me and grinned.

"Let me think about that for awhile."  Dad said.

"What's there to think about, Dad?"  Habby protested.

"Habby!  Don't push me -- or you won't go!"

Habby turned back to me.  "Hear that, Jamey?  I'm coming Friday!"

I smiled and this time I winked at Dad, and grinned at him.  He relented
on the spot.  "Aw, shit!  You guys know how to gang up on your old
man!"

Then Habby turned to Steve.  "So are we going to do something next
Friday night?"

Steve chuckled.  "I'll have to look at my work schedule.  I worked the
day before yesterday, so -- well, obviously -- so I SHOULD be off."  He
smiled.  "Where would you all like to go for lunch?"  He added.

"You've done so much for us already, Steve.  Let's call it square,
huh?"  Dad said.

"Square -- what?"  Steve said.  "Are we getting even with something?
And besides, if you are taking the bus back to L.A., as you said, how
were you gonna get to the greyhound station?  Please honor me just this
little bit more -- until it's time for your bus.  What time DO you need
to be at the bus station anyway?"

"Actually I don't know!  Let me call."  Dad whipped out his cell phone
and called 411 to be connected to the greyhound terminal.  When finished
with his call, he said that there was a bus leaving at 3:00 PM and they
advised that since it was a Sunday to get there an hour early tom be sure
to get a ticket.

"3:00??"  Steve whined.  "Let's go by there now.  It's not much out
of the way from anywhere we would go for lunch."

When we got there, Steve said, "You boys sit in the car and I'll show
your dad where to get the tickets."  I wondered what he was up to.  I
knew it's not that hard to buy a bus ticket.  Dad must have been
thinking the same thing, but he was polite enough to keep it to himself.

In a moment, Steve came running out to the car.  Opening the door, he
said to Habby, "Do you have a lot of homework to finish after you get
home tonight -- for tomorrow?"

"No!"  Habby said kind of irked.  "Dad knew that!  He MADE me do it
all before he allowed me to come with him today."

Now I KNEW something was up.  Steve ran back and in a few minutes they
both came back laughing.

"Well," Dad said, "I was busted!"  He answered our queried looks
with, "There's another bus that leaves at 6:00."

" -- and your dad was trying to get out of letting me buy you all
lunch!"

He took us to Holdren's on State Street.  I'd seen it many times, but
never been in it.  It doesn't look like much, but the steaks melt in
your mouth!

"Hello!  I'm Grant!  I'll be your server.  Can I start you out with
some drinks?"  The impeccably dressed waiter said.  He had a very VERY
cute smile and dimples by his mouth.  His eyes were round and as blue as
any ocean.

We asked for water around and when he came back, I ordered the top
sirloin steak sandwich, Habby ordered fish and chips and both the older
men ordered salads.

We took our time with the eating.  We laughed and joked and talked a
little about the upcoming funeral. Cute Grant came back several times to
refill our drinks.  He seemed to be making sure he made eye contact with
both Habby and me! I was happy to stay on other subjects -- at least over
dinner.

When we were finished, Steve took us for a drive up the coast for a bit.
It was cold outside, but the sun was bright and with four of us in the
car, it was perfect for leaving the windows open.  We got Dad and Habby
to the Bus depot with about 15 minutes to spare.  After we said our
goodbyes, Steve took me home.  As he parked outside my dorm, he asked,
"Are you gonna be okay, Jame?

"I think I'll be okay now.  I am so glad Dad and Habby were here!  It
really helped!"

"I'm glad too!"  He said, as he came to a stop.  I opened the door.
We looked at each other for a prolonged moment.  It was hard for me to
leave.

"Thanks for everything, Steve.  You don't know how good you have made
me feel."

"Actually I think I might.  Well, if you need anything, please call me.
I'll be at work tonight again, so if you are awake and need someone to
talk to -- or anything let me know.  I'll stop by on the way home from
work."

"Thanks -- again -- Steve!  You've done too much already!  Bye!"  I
quickly closed the door and hurried into the building.  He didn't move
his car until I was all the way in.

Truth be told, I dreaded going up there again, alone.   I went to the
soda machine and got an orange soda.  John passed me again.  "How're
yah doin, Dude?"  He said.

I took a big swallow of soda and said, "I'm okay.  You?  How was
brunch?"

"Sometimes I get -- I dunno" He said as if to say, "glad you asked",
he continued, " -- Sundays are sometimes hard.  I don't much appreciate
coming back."  I took a second look at John.  He just didn't look the
type to so easily open up.

He dropped some coins in the soda machine and retrieved one for himself.
As we passed the common area, he stopped and sat down.  "Dude -- what's
your name?"

"Jamey."

"Oh.  Jamey, do you feel like sitting for a few minutes and talking?"

"I -- erm -- uh -- I guess."  I sat across from him.

"I didn't mean to offend you earlier.  I really meant what I said.  I
don't have anything against gays.  Just don't understand it is all."

"Yeah.  Thanks.  ME neither."  I chuckled.

"Huh?"

"I don't understand what makes you attracted to girls -- when I have
such a strong attraction to guys.  Well - - SOME guys.  What is it that
you like about being with a girl?"

"I -- um -- I like girls okay."

"No -- I mean can you really describe what it's like to be with one?
To kiss her?  Do things with her?"

"No."

"No?"  I repeated.  "No what?"

"No, I can't describe it."  He said.

"See?"  I said.  "So how could either of us understand what its like
to -- be with -- one sex -- when all we've ever been with is other?"

"I've never been with either.  I mean - "

"You've never kissed a girl?"

"No."  he said and he turned beet red.

"Dude!"  I exclaimed.  He got even redder.  "So -- we have something
in common!"  I said.

"Ha!  Neither of us has ever kissed a girl!  Haha!"  He laughed.
"HAHAHAHAHA!"

"No, that's not it."  I said.  "I was a virgin when I came here
too."

"Oh!"  he perked up.  "And are you still?"  He turned red again.

"N-not exactly."

"Did you and -- Will -- ever - - "  He said and stopped abruptly,
"Oh!  Never mind!  That was a stupid - "

"Will and I were going together."  I said.

"Oh!  Damn!  I'm sorry!  I had no idea!"

"I know.  No one did.  Actually it was just since last week."  That
echoed in my head over and over: "-just since last week".  He asked
something else and part of me answered not really paying attention, while
I was thinking,

"How is it that I could become so attached to a guy I just met 3 months
ago?  And before Will, I thought I was in love with every guy that - "
I was thinking

"Oh!  Sorry guy, I'm sure you are too -- um -- busy or -- um --
preoccupied or something to waste time with my idiotic questions!"  he
said.

"No!  It's okay - - really!"  I said.  "I guess I WAS kind of wrapped
up in my own little reverie."

"Yeah.  Sorry to bother you."  He started to get up.

"Wait!"  I begged.  "I -- I mean -- to tell the truth, I was dreading
going back up there alone -- to our room."

Tears filled my eyes again.  It was only two days and it seemed like an
eternity of tears and aching heart.

"Is - - is there anything I can do -- for you, Jamey?"

"I don't -- know.  I'm sorry, I don't want to bring you down!  I
guess I just have to go up and do it."

"I'll walk up with you."  He said, and we got up.  "Who was it that
dropped you off?  Nice car!"

"My dad says those cost 65,000 bucks!"

"I was kind of -- sorry, but -- mesmerized, as I saw you outside.  I was
torn between watching the car and -- watching you watch it drive away
until it disappeared.  Nice car!"

"Yeah."  I said.  "Nice driver too.  He was Will's doctor.  We kind
of hit it off being so close when Will was trying so hard to - "  I
again choked on my words, as I turned to unlock my door.  When I went in,
he followed, leaving the door open.

"You gonna be okay?"  he asked.

"Sure.  It's hard, though.  Everything I see in here reminds me of
him."

"Um -- do you wanna -- um -- I mean -- Jerry -- my roomie -- is
commuting from home for awhile.  His gramma is sick and they need his
help there at night.  Do you wanna stay over at my place for -- a little
while?"

I gave a shuddering sigh.  "I -- no!  I mean, you're cool for asking,
John, but I need to be here."  I looked into his face -- to see whether
I trusted him enough to share this next statement.  I decided I trusted
him.  "This is kinda crazy, but -- I want to -- sleep in his bed --
where I can smell him.  God I miss him!"

"Actually that doesn't sound all that crazy to me.  Well, hey, Jamey,
I'm right across the hall if you get lone -- er -- if you need
anything.  See yah, Bud!"  He left and closed the door.  Part of me
didn't want him to go and part of me was relieved.

 I lay on his bed and again brought his scent filled pillow up to my
nose.  I willed myself to relax, breathed deep and was nearly asleep when
there was loud knocking on my door.  I sprang up and since I was still
fully clothed except for my shoes, I opened the door.  A man stood there
dressed in a suit and tie.  It was obvious that he had awakened me.

"Sorry to bother you, sir, but isn't this William Pitts room?"

"It was."  I said.

"I'm investigating his murder.  Did you know him well?"

"Well, yeah -- he WAS my roommate."  I said.  He walked around me into
the room.

"So -- that must be his bed, huh?"  He said pointing to my made up
bed.  "Get that!"  he said to a photographer, who almost pushed me out
of the way and shot a picture of my bed.

"Hey!"  I said, and I grabbed the photographer and muscled him back out
of the room.  I was beginning to suspect there was something else going
on -- other than what I assumed.  I stood firmly in the doorway and
turned on what I assumed was a detective.  Who are you?"  I demanded.

"I told you, I'm investigating - "

"I didn't ASK what you were doing, I ASKED who you are!"  I repeated.

"I'm Lars Olsen!  Now can I get on with my - "

"Can I see some identification?"  It had just hit me: an officer of the
law would have shown me his badge up front.

"Look, Sir, I'm with the West Coast Inquirer and - "

"GET OUT!"  I yelled, and I stepped aside for him to leave.

"But Sir -- if you cooperate - "

I grabbed him and dragged him out.  The photographer's camera was
flashing all the while.  I shut the door soundly!  I fell back against
the door.  As I was still standing there, leaning on the door, a small
knock.

"Go AWAY!  I DON'T want to talk to you!"

"Jamey!  It's John!"  I opened the door a little.  John was standing
there in his boxer shorts - only.  "What happened?  I was reading, with
my earphones on, and I heard something going on out here.  I had just
gotten another soda and was going in my room when I saw the detective.  I
thought I should mind my own business, so I went into my room.  Before I
knew it there was all this clattering going on in the hall.  You okay?"

"Well, they looked like detectives to me too.  It was a reporter from
the West Coast Inquirer!  Scum bags!  He took a picture of my bed!"

"Why did he do that?"  John asked.

"He assumed it was Will's."

"Ah yes!  A picture of the dead gay guys bed.  Perfect stuff for that
rag!  Well, if everything's okay, I'll go back to my - "

"What were you reading?"  I asked.

He looked embarrassed.  Finally he admitted, "Harry Potter".

"Oh."  I said, noncommittal.

"Have you read them?"  He said, sounding hopeful.

"Naw.  But - - are you gonna go back to reading?"

"I -- suppose."

"Would you -- um -- mind -- would you mind reading it over here?  I just
don't wanna be alone right now."

"Sure!  Okay if I bring my MP-3 player? -- uh -- or did you want to
talk?"

"Naw, you can read -- and listen!  I'm just gonna lay back down
anyway.  I just -- can't bear to be alone -- right now."

"No Problem.  Be right back!"  He said as he dashed across to his
bedroom and got his book and his MP-3 player -- and a tee shirt.

He looked around the room and then started to sit on the chair next to
Will's bed.  "You can lay on my bed if you want."  I said, pointing to
it.

"Thanks, but I can't read lying down.  Fall asleep every time."  He
sat and opened his book.  "So - - you're going to sleep?"

"I might."  I said as I lay back down on Wills bed.  I felt a little
intimidated to hug and sniff his pillow with John there, but I could
still smell Will.  He put his ear phones in and smiled at me as he
started reading.   I turned onto my side -- it was easier to smell the
pillow that way -- and half closed my eyes.  John looked over once again,
and smiled reassuringly.  I mostly closed my eyes.  He went back to
reading his book.

I watched him through the slits of my mostly closed eyes.  I could smell
Will, and at the same time, was rather liking watching John.  HE was much
better looking than Will, and though he was a pretty husky guy, he
didn't have the paunch that Will had.  He crossed his legs, and shifted
his groin with his hand.  I felt that in my own groin.  That was the last
thing I remember before falling asleep.

I woke up and looked at my clock.  It was easy to see because the room
was still light.  It was 11:42 PM.  I turned over and John was sprawled
out on the chair, Harry Potter was on the floor, and he was sound asleep,
light glaring.

"John?"  I said softly.  "John.  You fell asleep."

"Wha - ?  Oh! Yeah!  I guess I did.  You - - okay?"

"I think so -- yeah."

"Okay.  Listen Dude, mind if I just crash over on top of your bed?"

"It'll get cold by morning.  I promise -- there's no cooties or gay
bugs in it!  You can cover up!"  He grinned.  He got up holding his wood
so it didn't pop out and went to the toilet.  That got me to rubbing my
own as I listened to him peeing, and keeping that last image in my head.
He padded back and turned off the light.

Somehow with the light off, memories flooded back unabated.  I grabbed
the pillow and brought it up to my nose.  I started to breathe more
shallow, and before I knew it, I was wiping tears off my face with the
pillow.  How could he be here just a couple days ago.  Literally here,
cuddled up next to me -- and now he's gone!

I thought I was crying softly.  Before too long I felt the bed sag and
then I felt a hand on my shoulder.  He rubbed it and said, "Dude --
Jamey -- This must be so hard for you! I wish there was something I could
do!"

"You're doing -- fine!"  I sniveled.  I guess he took that as
encouragement.  He stood up and leaned over me so that he could rub my
shoulders with both hands.  I was on my back and could barely see his
outline in the dark.  His hands were very strong and it felt heavenly to
have his fingers sink deep into the tissue on my back just above the
shoulder blade.  I moaned my appreciation.

"Jamey, this is kinda hurting my back - "

"Oh!  Then stop!"  I said.  "Don't hurt yourself."

"No -- it's okay, but can I get up and straddle you?"

"Oh!  You don't have to - "

He moved his body over mine on his hands and knees.  His warmth felt so
good, straddling me so close.  After working for a time with me on my
back, he asked if I wanted to turn over.  That put my face directly into
the pillow.  This time he straddled my upper legs.

I was glad to turn over because I was afraid that my rock hard woody
would be discovered.  But as he worked my shoulders and back from the
other side, each time he bore down, I could feel his wood pressing
against my crack.  I had to excuse myself as I readjusted myself on the
bed.

After what seemed forever, he bent over double on top of me, making
contact from my butt to my shoulders.  He put his face next to mine.  He
started saying something.  I cut him off.

"Ohhhh!"  I groaned. "THAT feels soooooo good!"

He wrapped his arms around my chest and hugged my from behind, and lay
very still on top of me.  But I smelled Will, and started to sniff again.

"I'm so sorry!"  he said.  "I must be getting pretty heavy on you!
He slid over to the side and left his arm over my back.  I turned on my
side, and it felt wonderful to spoon back into him.

"Aren't you kind of uncomfortable -- me being gay and all?"  I
teased,  thinking about what he said to me earlier  that same day.

"No, it really doesn't.  It feels a natural as anything!"  We both
fell asleep in this "natural" position.

Notes:  Comments are always welcome!  To Steve at
stevethomas535@hotmail.com.

Thanks and love, Steve